Jim Webster's Blog, page 62

Naughty tales for people who should be working

I know a chap who used to carry a bit of weight. He was fit, just heavy. When he finally got wed his wife took charge and he slimmed down a treat. I mentioned this to one old lad who also knew him. The old fella just took his pipe out of his mouth, played …

How cheap can we get?

I’m not the person to ask about retail therapy. I don’t shop. I make an exception for second hand bookshops, but then so does every other civilised person. But I am beginning to ask myself whether we’re trapped in a downward spiral. We’ve been here before. Food had to be cheap. Quality didn’t matter. Back …

Mung Beans and Homecomings

Funny really; according to a peer of the Realm we’re the desolate North West and only fit for fracking. Yet we are so cosmopolitan you can buy foods I’ve never heard of. Yet that’s probably my ignorance. Years ago I picked up a British Army Lieutenant’s handbook, dated 1912. It was packed full of useful …

Cannot see the woods for the trees

I was in Penrith on Saturday and had an hour or so to spare, so I walked up to the Beacon. It’s the hill that overlooks Penrith from the east, and promises fabulous views out over Penrith and the North Lakes. It was hot, but the hill itself is well wooded and there is plenty …

The dignity of manual labour.

Well a word from the wise, by the time you’re sixty, you’re knackered. Trust me in this one, I’ve seen it. I mean, it’s fine for bureaucrats and others to get early retirement due to stress, but what about early retirement because your body is knackered and you cannot do the job any more? Looking …

The answer is Prawns

Douglas Adams started it, producing the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything, without working out what the question actually was. So I suppose I’m in good company here. But let’s go back a bit. Who remembers when the ‘must have’ starter was Prawn Cocktail; and Chicken Kiev was the staple of bar menus? …

The Dock was the colour of green milk

Trust me in this, it was. Not only that but there were no reflections, just shadows cast on the water. And it’s hotter than hell and two lads walked past me wearing hoodies. I mean, honestly lads, it’s 2:30pm, it’s 80 degrees in the shade and there isn’t any shade. It’s so hot Dante’s editor …

Life’s a beach.

Believe it or not, I have lounged on a Spanish beach, soaking up the sun and reading a book. I managed it for about two hours before the mind-numbing boredom got to me. Hate to say it but it’s an awful long time ago now. Still you do daft things in your youth and I …

Chick lit Special

A heart tugging, tear jerking romance. Grab a box of tissues; open the chocolates and white wine. Except of course I’m male so you know it’ll end badly. If it’s any consolation, it isn’t my story as such. It was told me by a lady of my acquaintance, rather more years ago than I care …

Never knowingly under-dressed

As everyone who knows me will attest, I’ve always been careful about my clothes. Finding a style that suited me, I’ve stuck with it for at least forty years. Again as anyone who knows me will tell you, I dress appropriately for the conditions. Even when, as at the moment, the conditions verge on the …