Jaime Bronstein's Blog, page 2

Addressing Trust Issues in Your Relationship Through Online Marriage Counseling

What are the leading causes of divorce or relationship breakup? According to a survey of Certified Divorce Financial Analyst professionals, these are the top reasons for divorce. 

Overall incompatibilityInfidelity/sexual problemsFinancial issuesEmotional/physical abuseParenting conflictsAddiction

That’s divorce, but what about relationships? Psychology Today lists these as the top 10 reasons for a break-up.

Unacceptable behaviorInfidelityMisdirected angerLack of supportToxicityLack of affection and attentionDishonestyTheftGiving upFailure to communicate

Each of these issues relies on a level of trust. If you don’t trust your spouse or partner to parent your children, pay the bills, not drink too much, or cheat on you, there’s little chance of building a solid relationship. How can a couple best address trust issues when there’s already a disconnection? Online marriage counseling is an ideal option for helping build trust and get a relationship back on solid ground.

Tips for Identifying Trust Issues

How do you identify when your relationship is failing because of trust issues? Possessiveness, secrecy, jealousy, and continual questioning are all signs. If you go out with friends and your spouse or partner is texting you every two minutes, there’s a problem with trust. 

Ask yourself these questions, and have your partner do the same.

Do you feel judged or validated?Are you able to have friends without jealousy appearing?Does your spouse or partner refuse to share things with you, such as a large amount of credit card debt?Can you go out with friends without having to drop everything to check in or leave early because of your partner’s or spouse’s demands?Do you feel appreciated?Do you feel like one of you does more parenting than the other?

Here are some common examples of trust issues in a relationship taken right from TV shows that you probably know. You might relate to these fictional characters.

Cheers: Breaking In Is Hard to Do

Frasier and Lilith have a lot of ups and downs during their relationship. In this one episode, jealousy and parenting conflicts have a lot to do with another blow to their trust in each other. 

Lilith is determined that lack of proper parenting is the reason their son isn’t yet speaking, so she quits her job to become a stay-at-home parent, only she isn’t happy, so Frasier takes over. She’s jealous when it appears he’s doing a better job, but then she learns he’s been going to Cheers all day with their son. It becomes a snowball effect of jealousy, anger, conflicting parenting styles, and a lack of trust.

Friends: The One With the Yeti

Some of the episode in “The One With the Yeti” focuses on Monica and Rachel’s insistence that Bigfoot moved into their apartment building. But, a lot of this issue also highlights a key trust issue in relationships. Ross’s second wife issues an ultimatum that he ends his friendship with Rachel. She doesn’t trust their friendship given their history, mainly him saying Rachel instead of Emily during their wedding. 

Because he refuses, Ross’s wife brings up the decision to end their marriage. There’s jealousy over the friendship, an ultimatum, and a complete breakdown of trust.

New Girl – See Ya!

Cece and Schmidt come off as a very mismatched couple, but they’re perfect, except for Schmidt’s insecurity. When she gets a text and he sees it on her phone, he’s jealous and confronts her. Cece makes it clear he broke her trust, but Schmidt goes a step too far and points out that he can’t trust her because of her taste in men.

How to Rebuild Trust

Have you heard of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” from the Book of Revelation? Dr. John Gottman established the Cascade Model of Relational Dissolution. Through his research, he came up with the Four Horsemen of a relationship’s end. Those “Four Horsemen” are:

Criticism: Attacks and nitpicking leads to a breakdown.Defensiveness: Barriers and walls prevent useful communication.Contempt: Disconnection shuts down discussions.Stonewalling: A complete shutdown because of overwhelming emotions.

Once any of these appear, it’s harder to rebuild trust, but it’s not impossible. First, you have to admit you are responsible for the breakdown of trust, too. It’s not a one-sided issue. After that, these steps help restore trust.

Explore Forgiveness

Before you can move on and rebuild trust, you need to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Even if you weren’t the catalyst, there’s going to be something you’ve done or said that hurt. If you apologize, it can open the door for meaningful discussions.

Both of you need to be part of this. If your partner isn’t interested or invested, it’s going to be difficult. At that point, you might want to work with someone who can negotiate the repair of trust with you both.

Become Vulnerable

It’s time to be really honest about how things make you feel, what emotions they evoke, and how those emotions and feelings create a negative experience. Don’t put up a wall and try to shield or protect yourself. Don’t bottle things up and hope for the best. Become vulnerable and let down your guard to ensure you can have the meaningful discussions that are needed to build trust.

Be Honest and Dive Into the Issues at Hand

Now that your guard is down and you’re showing your vulnerability, start talking. You want to cover every issue and listen as your partner does the same. If you need to work off a list, do that. Each one of you should write a list of the things that make you feel less valued than you’d want, that make you sad, anxious, depressed, and anything that you find reduces your trust.

As you talk, don’t lay the blame. No pointing fingers. You want to have these discussions in open, non-judgmental ways and figure out how to move forward in a way that is beneficial to everyone.

Establish a New Future

After apologizing and receiving an apology, put the past behind you. It’s time to move on. Leave the past where it belongs and don’t use it months down the road as a weapon. That’s not going to help anyone, and it knocks your relationship back to a distrustful state.

It’s time to start the new stage of your relationship. You’ve been open and honest. You’ve worked on what hurts and leads to distrust. Now, establish the boundaries for how things need to be going forward. Consistency is important, so consider making it a weekly habit where you spend time alone, just the two of you, and have open, honest conversations about how things are going.

The Benefits of Online Marriage and Relationship Counseling

When it’s just the two of you, it’s hard to avoid bias. You have your feelings, as does your partner. That automatically creates bias. This is where an unbiased third party is helpful. Work with a marriage counselor as you go over the lack of trust, hurt feelings, and strong emotions, and forge a path forward. 

Online marriage counseling is ideal, as you don’t have to be in the same room. When there’s a little distance between you and your partner, it’s easier to talk openly and honestly. Plus, it matches with busy schedules, as you could attend sessions after work or before work.

Ask Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, about her online marriage counseling services. If you’re considering a break-up or divorce, work with an expert in relationships and get the help you need to rebuild trust.

The post Addressing Trust Issues in Your Relationship Through Online Marriage Counseling appeared first on The Relationship Expert.

Couples Counseling at Your Fingertips: Embracing the Convenience of Online Sessions

We all go through rough spots in our relationships. The longer you’re together, the harder it can seem. It may seem tempting to give up and move on when it gets hard and hits rough patches. A relationship is an investment. Sometimes, it takes having a neutral party to provide an honest assessment to get you past the hurdles and back into the loving relationship that used to exist.

Three out of four couples who seek couples therapy report their relationship improves. Nine out of 10 find their emotional health improves, and almost seven out of 10 report their physical health improves. It takes time to reach this point, however. 

Couples counseling is not a one-and-done experience. It can take months of therapy. On average, it takes 12 sessions. You have to take that first step, and for many couples, online couples counseling comes to mind. Is it worth it?

Common Concerns that Keep Couples from Considering Online Therapy

Are you on the fence? It’s not uncommon for one or both people to worry about online therapy being the best choice. Concerns range from the effectiveness of online therapy to the security you enjoy. 

The same rules apply to online counseling as in-person. HIPAA compliance is mandatory, so security and confidentiality are protected. Communications are encrypted, and your counselor isn’t going to provide counseling in a public setting where strangers overhear everything you say.

BMC Psychology did a study during the pandemic to determine if online counseling is as effective as in-person counseling. The study found that online sessions were just as effective. That being said, you need to choose your therapist carefully. Most people go through three therapists before finding the right one. 

If you’re considering online couples counseling, it’s a brilliant investment in your relationship. It may surprise you how effective online couples counseling is and the many benefits it offers. 

Is It Time for Therapy?

How do you know if it’s time to seek therapy to save your relationship? If you’ve tried to address things and feel unheard, a therapist helps create a pathway that gets you communicating your hopes, fears, and frustrations. If you keep arguing but nothing changes, couples counseling is important. 

Have you started feeling resentful, angry, or distant from your significant other? Are you depressed and feeling that it’s hopeless? Has the emotional or physical connection you used to feel gone away? Have stressors driven you apart? The death of a parent, retirement, job loss, or shift from parents to empty nesters can all impact your relationship and make it harder to see eye to eye. When this happens, it’s time to talk to a counselor.

For couples therapy to work, both parties have to agree to try counseling. If your significant other refuses to participate, it’s not going to work. When you’re both on the same page, in-person and online counseling are options, and online couples counseling offers many advantages that are worth considering.

The Advantages of Online Couples Counseling

How do you know that online counseling is right? Why is online counseling a better option for some couples? What are the advantages?

Accessibility

Online therapy provides plenty of options. You’re not limited to one or two therapists in an office. You can browse dozens of therapists and find the best match for your needs. Instead of choosing a therapist who helps with mental health, anxiety, and relationships, you can narrow your choices to a certified relationship coach.

Convenience

Online therapy is convenient. That’s the biggest benefit. You control the setting, how you talk to your relationship therapist, and what you’re wearing when you meet. You have the comforts of home around you while you talk to the therapist.

When you’re at ease and comfortable with the situation, you will feel more open and honest. That’s a key to relationship therapy. You need to be comfortable and willing to talk about the things that frustrate you, worry you, and cause anger. The more open you are when discussing your feelings, the more effective couples counseling is.

With online therapy, you’re able to schedule appointments outside of your work hours, so no one at work needs to know. You don’t have to request a longer lunch break or time off in the morning or late afternoon each week. You don’t have to leave work and return to your desk after an emotional meeting.

Flexibility

Online therapy sessions are flexible to your schedule. You don’t have to factor in the time it takes to get to the office, how bad traffic is at that time of day, and whether or not there’s construction that can cause delays.

You choose the time, go to your laptop or desktop computer, and set up wherever you feel the most comfortable. Plus, you don’t have to dress up. Since you’re at home, wear whatever makes you comfortable.

Your partner or spouse is also in the home at the same time. You don’t have to coordinate a time to meet up or share an uncomfortable ride to the office together.

A lengthy session isn’t necessary. With online therapy, you can meet for as little as 30 minutes starting out. You’ll have time to get to know your therapist and ensure it’s the best fit before you begin meeting for a full hour. 

Privacy

When you’re talking to a relationship therapist online, it’s private. You’re in a comfortable setting and control who overhears you. At an office, you may worry about people walking past in the hallway. You don’t have that concern when you’re at home.

You’re also ensured privacy due to HIPAA regulations. Your sessions with a therapist are confidential. There are no concerns about your therapist talking about your situation with someone else without your permission.

Tips for Getting Started

Jaime Bronstein, The Relationship Expert, assists couples in making their relationship work. Some of the ways she can help include:

Learn anger and stress management techniquesSwitch from survival mode to thriving modeBecome completely honest and openStop judging each otherAssess and manage your emotions and how you react to each otherCommunicate effectivelyFind your voice and become an effective listener

Whether you’re married or in a committed relationship or want to work on your relationship before getting married, The Relationship Expert can help. Sessions range from 30 minutes to full hours and are available by phone, in-person, or via video conferencing. Request an appointment with Jaime online or by phone.

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Navigating the Modern Dating Landscape: Tips from a Dating Coach

Inexperience, negative experiences, or low self-esteem both make it difficult to jump back into the modern dating landscape. Whether you’re newly divorced after years of marriage, haven’t been successful yet, or are new to dating, navigating dating apps, blind dates, and speed dating apps are all options. 

Is there a right or wrong way to get started or jump back in? How do you approach dating today without putting yourself at risk of disappointment or, worse, in a harmful environment? These tips from a professional dating coach help you learn how to dive back into the dating scene.

Tips for Finding Dates and Starting Your Search

Finding someone to date proves challenging for many people. Sure, there are plenty of dating apps, but you don’t know where to get started or which app is best. These tips help you navigate where to find dates and how to narrow down your choices.

Explore What You Most Want in a Relationship or Partner

Before you do anything else, jot down a list of what you want from a partner and the relationship. You need to do a deep dive into things like if you’re looking for children and a life partner or someone with the same adventurous spirit. Do you want someone interested in traveling the world or a homebody who prefers lazy weekends at home watching movies? 

Some of the biggest issues that lead to break-ups include:

Failure to communicateFinancesLack of supportLies/dishonestyUneven balance of responsibilities or effort

A comprehensive list of the things you do and do not want from a relationship helps you narrow down the type of person you want to meet. It ensures you’re not starting with the wrong person.

Don’t Portray Yourself as Someone You’re Not

Make sure you’re not lying about who you are and what you believe. If you’ve seen the show “Catfish” at all, a lot of issues arise when someone suffers from low self-esteem and uses a fake picture to draw others in. Lying gets you nowhere. No one is perfect, and it’s not a bad thing. We all have imperfections that may not appeal to someone, but others may find that’s what they love most about you.

When you’re honest about who you are, what you believe in, and what you like and don’t like, you’ll find someone who supports the real you, and that’s key to a positive, lasting relationship.

Believe in Yourself

Honesty is important, and so is believing that you are attractive inside and out. You are worthy and the right person is out there. Believe that you can find, get to know, and hold on to that person. The right match will last a lifetime if you put the energy and care into nurturing that relationship.

Have Realistic Expectations

As you search for people to get to know, make sure you have realistic expectations. There is no magic number for finding the right person. Some people meet their soulmate instantly and others wade through dozens of less-than-perfect dates first. Don’t expect to fall head over heels with the first person you meet.

Tips for Getting to Know Someone New and Setting Up the First Date

You’ve navigated apps or attended social events and have a few people on your shortlist. Don’t rush the first in-person meeting, but don’t keep putting them off, either. It’s recommended that you chat, and talk in person on the phone and by video chat. Once you’re comfortable and eager to talk to this person every day, set up a first official date, but follow these guidelines.

Don’t Give Out Your Address

You do not and should not give your address to a new date. That can come later. Agree to get to the chosen location on your own. 

Meet in a Public Location

Always meet in a public location. You don’t want to be somewhere remote and put yourself at risk. Meet for coffee to start. If that goes well, progress to lunch or dinner. When you start with coffee, it’s easy to walk away if you don’t mesh.

You also want to keep distractions to a minimum. If your first date is a movie, your attention is focused on the screen and not your date. It’s hard to get to know someone without having ample opportunity to talk.

Know the Dating Red Flags and How to Handle Them

Make sure you know the dating red flags. These don’t necessarily have to be deal breakers, but you should know how to handle them. Things to watch for are:

A tendency to be controllingConstant jealousy or possessive behaviorsDominates the conversationLying or using manipulative behaviors that get you to question yourself, aka gaslightingMaking you feel uncomfortableNon-stop complaints about an exPushing your boundariesRefusal to compromiseRudeness with waitstaff or baristasToo fast or too much, too soon

If your date is doing anything on this list, call them out. Sometimes, things like dominating a conversation can be a nervous habit. If you do mention it, give your date a chance to change. Trust your instincts, too. If something seems off and makes you uncomfortable, it’s better to cut the date short.

Do Not Rush to Judgment 

Remember that everyone is nervous and not always the same person as they’ll be once they’re comfortable. Don’t rush to judgment if a date is nervous and awkward, that can just be first-date jitters.

Don’t Dominate the Conversation

Anxiety and nerves can make it hard to keep a conversation from flowing smoothly. Try to check that you’re not dominating a conversation and keeping your date from wanting to talk. If you find you’re talking too much, as a leading question that can’t be answered with a yes or no. 

Instead of asking your date if they like to read, ask your date about his or her favorite author. Follow that with what book they’d recommend you start with and what makes it so special.

If your date is dominating the conversation, feel free to say so. Again, it could simply be a nervous habit and they don’t realize it.

Don’t Feel Forced Into Intimacy

There is no hard, fast rule on when you have to kiss, hug, or become intimate with someone. If it’s not time, don’t feel forced to kiss your date or head home together to see where things go. When it’s time and you’re ready, you’ll know it. If your date doesn’t understand that, that’s not your problem. Pressure should never be part of a quality relationship.

Post-Date Tips and Where to Go From Here

The first date is over, so what comes next? If it went well for you, remember that there is a chance your date didn’t feel the same. Don’t let that get you down. It happens and is just part of dating. Move on to the next person and see what happens. Here are the things you need to focus on.

Take the Time to Reflect and Recognize What Went Right, and What You’d Change

Reflect on the entire date, not just the moments that were positive. If there were downsides, you need to consider them. How would you change that to become positive? If there is a second date, you have areas where you can make adjustments and see if things are even better the second time.

Realize the Importance of Growth

It’s important to assess your behavior and actions on the date. You’ll only grow in a relationship by knowing where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Again, no one is perfect, but you can start to look at yourself and realize where you can become stronger, more assured, and the person you truly are.

Navigating the dating world can be tricky, but it’s not something to avoid. You have the power to find someone special, even if you don’t realize it yet. The Relationship Expert’s professional date coaching helps you assess your past, prioritize how to sell the real you to potential dates, and have the best possible experience as you navigate the dating world.

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Surviving the Season: Tips for Couples During the Holidays

Thanksgiving and Christmas provide opportunities for families to gather and spend quality time together. For some couples, it’s a time of stress and anxiety. Where do you fit in?

Back in 2011, English data journalist David McCandless pulled up information from every public Facebook account. He was specifically looking for any posts with the keywords break up or broken up. As he compiled the data, he turned it into a graph he shared on InformationIsBeautiful showing when the majority of break-ups occur. Two time frames quickly showed the peak he wanted. Couples break up frequently in the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas and around Valentine’s Day.

Do you start to dread the holidays? As a couple, it’s a challenging time of year for many, but you can get through it. Here are expert tips for couples who want to survive the holidays.

Know When to Say No and Don’t Be Afraid to

For some people, the simple word “no” is not that easy to use. Experts say that children who grow up with overly strict parents or parents who bounce between leniency and strictness often turn into adults who find “no” impossible to say. They constantly seek approval from their peers and family members. 

The problem with always saying “yes” is that you disappoint yourself. You become overwhelmed, frustrated, and even angry. You cannot be afraid to say no to others and even to yourself when it’s necessary.

For example, you’re already pressed for time baking cupcakes for your child’s bake sale, you still have holiday shopping to finish, and you need to wrap presents. Plus, it’s your year to host your parents for Christmas week, and you still need to do a deep clean.

Your sister messages you and asks if you’ll take your niece and nephew for the weekend while she and her spouse attend a company holiday retreat. She springs it on you at the last minute and you cannot imagine how you’ll get things done. Your partner is firmly against the idea, but you’re afraid to disappoint your sister. You have to put yourself first and say no.

Be Realistic and Never Over-Glamorize the Season

People often get caught up in the glamor of the holidays and forget their boundaries and budget. Sure, surprising your spouse with a trip to a lush Caribbean island may seem like an amazing idea, but it’s not if it puts you in debt that is going to have you on edge for months.

Set boundaries on what you can manage this holiday season. If you already have one set of parents coming to stay for Thanksgiving week, you may not have the room or tolerance to also have your siblings stay. If they want to come, they should look at hotels or vacation rentals. Don’t take on more guests than you can reasonably manage.

Romantic Gestures Count More Than Pricey Gifts

Before you go out shopping for gifts, set a budget. Remember that a pricey gift is far less important than something that has true meaning. To a new mom, a partner who tells her to stay in bed and get some sleep is going to mean a lot more than jewelry. A favorite childhood meal served by candlelight has more meaning than an expensive gift to many people. 

No matter how you decide to handle gifts, a budget is important. Many couples fight over money, and that is one of the biggest stressors in relationships.

Team Up on the To-Do List and in Family Dealings

Create a comprehensive to-do list of everything that needs to get done. Grocery shopping, last-minute gift purchases, a deep clean of the home, and errands need to go onto this list. Once there is a list, divide and conquer. You can shop and get last-minute gifts while your partner stays home and starts cleaning. 

If you have children, they should chip in, too. Keep tasks age-appropriate, as a six-year-old isn’t going to effectively scrub the bathtub, but a teen could. A six-year-old could fluff decorate pillows, dust lower tables like end tables and coffee tables, and put clutter away.

Stop and Reconnect With Couple-Only Time

Even on the busiest days, make sure you have time to yourselves. If your house is crowded with guests staying for the week, go for a walk together and slip out so that others don’t decide they should join you. 

If you have kids, let your parents stay with them while you go out on a date night. Talk to your parents first, as they’ve been in your shoes and know the importance of time alone. The last thing they want to do is be in the way. They’re likely just as anxious about that, even if they’re not showing it.

Talk Openly When You’re Frustrated

If you feel frustration building, talk to your partner about it. Don’t bottle it up and let the frustration build until it’s ready to explode. It’s better to rationally discuss what’s bothering you. If your partner has criticisms of his or her own, don’t disregard those frustrations. You both need to list, discuss what can change to make it better for both of you, and put those changes into action.

Listen first and make sure you’re being empathic to each other’s concerns. Listen fully and don’t cut your partner off. If your partner cuts you off, make sure you point out that you feel unheard and that you both need to reset and listen without being judgmental or defensive.

As points are brought up, don’t be afraid to explore topics that you didn’t realize were frustrating to your partner. The more you talk openly about different fears, anxieties, frustrations, and desires, the easier it is to problem-solve and come up with ways to work together on future issues.

Ask for Help

Most importantly, ask for help when you need it. Just as you shouldn’t say yes to everything, you need to realize the value of asking for a helping hand. If you’re overwhelmed and feeling the pressure, stop and ask someone to help out.

You’re trying to cook a meal for everyone and realize that you’re falling behind schedule. Delegate some of the tasks you still need to do. The lasagna is in the oven, but you haven’t had time to get the tossed salad together. Ask someone to take on that task. 

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s are meant to be a time to gather, enjoy each other, and relax. Don’t let holiday pressures and demands derail that relaxation and quality family time. It’s the best way to avoid the pitfalls of a ruined relationship and break-up in the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Seek Help if You Can’t Make It Work

Some relationships need expert help to get back on track. It’s another reason to ask for help. The Relationship Expert is the impartial person you need to look at your current relationship and strategize what’s going well, what needs to change, and how to embrace those changes in effective, meaningful ways. Reach The Relationship Expert online to arrange a phone, video conferencing, or in-person session.

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How to go From Surviving to Thriving in Your Relationship

Do you feel like you are on autopilot in your life and your relationship? Do you feel like you do the same thing every day? Do you feel like you are just “getting through” every day, and you wake up the following day to do the same thing over again? This, my friends, is survival mode. Soo monotonous and predictable! Many people live like this, but it doesn’t make it healthy or ideal.

If you’re in survival mode, please do yourself a favor and spice up your life a little bit.

Studies have shown that changing up your routine and the rigidness of your daily life can make a huge difference in your overall wellness and happiness, especially in your romantic relationship. For example, have spontaneous sex or plan a surprise night out on the town and blindfold your significant other on the way there. Or you can make a tiny change like taking a different route to work in the morning or eat something different for lunch. Monotony in life usually is highly correlated with monotony in your relationship.

For things to grow, they need to be paid attention to and changed up a bit from time to time.

Going through life asleep means you are not paying enough attention, and there’s not enough meaning and purpose. Be intentional about your life. Life is short, and you never want to look back and wonder where the years went while you were sleeping. Being intentional in life and especially in your relationship can make a world of difference.

The cool thing about relationships is that when one person steps up to the plate, so to speak, the other one follows suit. For example, if you want to spice up your relationship, be spontaneous and plan a surprise night out with your significant other. I promise that it will be incredibly uplifting for both of you, and it will re-ignite that passion you had that got lost in the monotony of every day. Alternatively, buy tickets to somewhere you’ve wanted to travel to but “never had time for.” You DO have time; you know why? Because your relationship should be the priority in life and you always have time for your utmost priorities in life; Why? Because they are priorities!

Would you neglect a big project at work because you didn’t have time for it? No, you wouldn’t because there would be repercussions. Look at your relationship like this; the repercussion is a lackluster and, dare I say, dull and lifeless relationship. If you had the passion once upon a time, you CAN bring it back.

Both parties in the relationship have the capability to grow and THRIVE, not just survive.

What is it that you’re missing? Fix it? Communicate it! What is it that you desire that will help you grow and thrive? Obtain it? How do I know you can do this? Because I believe in the abundance in the universe, and I think you should too! TRUST that whatever you need to thrive, you will make manifest simply because you trust! 

I was working with a client recently, and I pointed out to her that what I was observing about her was someone who was dying to be thriving in her life. Still, she was just holding herself back until she started to do the inner work needed to heal, and then she indeed started to thrive.

I was curious what my client’s definition of “thriving” was because it seems as though there can be multiple ways of looking at it, so we broke down what thriving means. It was interesting to hear that, to her, there is a huge component of “balance” when it comes to thriving and I agreed. I believe that thriving means operating to the best of your ability on all cylinders, body, mind, and spirit, and that’s where the balance comes in. You don’t want to just be excellent at communication in your relationship and fail at trust, or you don’t want to have an incredible emotional connection, but the physical connection isn’t there. You want to have balance, and that is the truth.

Thriving doesn’t mean total and utter success as an extreme which I believe people interpret it as. Instead, thriving has a calmer, more peaceful energy to it. When you are thriving in your relationship, you are in the flow!

So, how can a couple who feels like they are in survival mode shift into thriving mode? It’s easy, as long as you remain authentic to yourself and each other. Here are some tips!

Have Compassion and Empathy:

When a couple has compassion and empathy for one another, they cultivate room for the relationship to grow and thrive. Without compassion, the relationship will remain stagnant, inauthentic, and surface.

Truly listen, see and hear one another:

When people feel seen and heard in a relationship, they also feel loved. The opposite is feeling lonely, which is survival mode versus thriving mode.

Be each other’s biggest fans and build one another up:

Supporting one another’s dreams and goals enforces an already strong relationship. It allows each person to grow individually, grow and thrive together when there is a mutual strong support system within the relationship.

Confide in one another:

Trust is HUGE! To have a thriving relationship, there has to be an immense amount of trust. A couple that trusts each other 100% feels at peace. It’s imperative to feel peaceful inside yourself and in the relationship to thrive together and be that power couple.

Have new experiences together:

Learning and growing together and experiencing new things helps a couple to feel more bonded and validates that they are on the right thriving path. Learning something new feels enlivening, and when two people can experience and learn something new together, they take it to the next level of love and thrive in the relationship and life itself.

Be completely open, honest, and raw in your relationship.

Being anything less than authentic is a waste of time, and it only takes away from the meaning and purpose of your relationship. And more importantly, you can’t thrive if you’re not authentic. Be an “open book,” and most importantly, have an open heart, a heart that gives and receives love just as easily and gives love willingly; THAT right there is the magic – the most crucial aspect to thriving.

Moving forward, be intentional and conscious in your relationship. Be present. Look at each other as your biggest priority. Treat each other as the gift and gem that you both are and deserve to be treated as. Adore one another, and share your light. When two people come together who are lit up, their lights come together and create magic. Watch out, world; that’s some pretty powerful stuff right there! The more time goes on and the more people who elevate and awaken, the more thriving couples there will be, and it will serve the greater good for all. Wow, look how you have the potential to change the world just by thriving in your relationship.

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When You Think You’ve Loved Enough, Love More!

This is the time of year when love is on everyone’s minds as we just celebrated Valentine’s Day. Some singles were feeling lonely, wishing they had a Valentine in time, and if they didn’t, they might’ve felt defeated. Couples are scrambling for what to do so that their significant other doesn’t feel neglected on Valentine’s Day. The truth is that this day is just another day. We should be in our loving, and love should be on our minds all year round, and we should be making our significant others feel special, whether it’s July 23rd or February 14th.

In many ways, the whole month of February is about love, but the whole year should be about love. Setting aside a day, a week, a month of romance is an incredible way for couples to re-connect. People are busy, and sometimes they don’t prioritize their romantic relationship.

The truth is that love is the most essential aspect of life.

We should be honoring our significant others every day; however, the reality is that it doesn’t always work that way. Do your best to be intentional about cultivating the time to express how you feel to one another, re-igniting and remembering your love for each other.

Romance distinguishes a relationship from a friendship or family relationship, and it’s the greatest gift and most incredible feeling to be in a romantic relationship. Connecting romantically can truly catapult your relationship and set the standard for your relationship all year round. I recommend setting intentions for how each person would like to show up for one another for the year ahead (and beyond!).

Five Ways to Love More#1 Practice Empathy:

Very simply, put yourself in your significant other’s “shoes.” The reason why couples can’t understand each other and they stay in a place of complacency is due to one or both parties’ inability to practice empathy, so do your best to try and feel what it would feel like to be experiencing what your significant other is saying they are feeling.

#2 Tell the People you Love (*especially your significant other) That you Love Them:

As you’ve all heard by now, there are the “5 love languages” that Gary Chapman invented. I believe that whether your love language is “words of affirmation” or not, we all need to hear from our loved ones that we are loved.

Take it beyond “I love you.” Tell people how grateful you are for them and WHY. When we hear from someone verbally how much they love us and why they are appreciative of us, it makes us feel good. The thing about “I love you” and sharing feelings, in general, is that you should never assume that someone knows how you feel about them. At my wedding, in my dad’s speech he mentioned that his two favorite girls in his life are my mom and me and even though I have always felt loved from my dad and we say we love you all the time, there was something in those words that meant the world to me. Those words were powerful because that was something that HE knew that I just wasn’t aware of and it completely warmed my heart.

#3 SHOW your Love:

Many times, the best, most beautiful, and impactful way of making someone feel loved is by showing, not just telling someone how you feel. This can be done in many ways; through spontaneity and creativity. Plan a surprise dinner or getaway for your loved one. The goal is to make your significant other always feel special. When someone takes the time to plan something for us, it reminds us that we matter.

Couples live busy lives, and unintentionally, through the monotony of everyday life and the level of “busy-ness” with work and kids (if kids are in the picture), the priority of each other can fall by the wayside. So being spontaneous, creative, and surprising your significant other can SHOW you care. As they say, “Actions speak louder than words,” and I couldn’t agree more. Although I could never get enough of hearing “I love you” and saying “I love you,” it’s always amazing to be surprised, showered, and shown love as well.

#4 Reach out:

Now that we’ve covered romantic relationships let’s move on to all of our relationships. Our relationships with our family members and friends are an important part of our lives, and the better and more connected they are, the happier and more loved everyone feels. Unfortunately, the world lost an incredible man recently with the passing of Bob Saget. As I read the articles and watched the various t.v. segments about him, I learned a lot about his way of living and loving, and it’s almost unbelievable not only how many lives he touched but also how many lives he continued to be connected to frequently despite his thriving and busy career.

It takes a few seconds to shoot a “Thinking about you- how’s everything going” text. It puts a smile on the recipient’s face, reminding them that they are being thought about. Especially in the difficult time that the world is in currently, people are feeling lonely and less connected, so reaching out is especially important now. However, the goal is to make this a way of life, not for the praise of being known as the nicest person – you do it because you genuinely care.

I have a challenge for you. I want you to pick ten to fifteen people in your life who perhaps you haven’t communicated with, in a while, BUT are people who mean a lot to you, and I want you to reach out to them to check in and let them know that you’re thinking about them and how much you appreciate them in your life… then see what happens.

#5 Acceptance

When you and your significant other accept one another fully, it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give one another and adds to the overall love and adoration in the relationship. When we feel seen, heard, and loved for all that we are (quirks, idiosyncrasies, “bad habits,” and all), there might not be a better feeling in this world. So, if you feel that you have been doing a good job of accepting your significant other but could use a slight improvement, take it up a notch and go beyond acceptance into making each other feel loved even more despite their flaws. No one is perfect—an authentic relationship consists of two imperfect people who are perfect for each other.

LIFE.
IS.
SHORT!

 

It’s just a blip, and it goes by way too fast for us not to be spending more time loving. There’s no excuse. No one is ever too busy to show their love for another human being. The more we collectively start to express more love, the more love there will be in the world; it can make an exponential difference. And don’t think that you as one person can’t make a difference, because you can. The world will become a more loving and peaceful place one person at a time.

Why is there so much angst and againstness in the world? It’s because people don’t feel loved. People aren’t open to love. It’s easier to hate and fight than to let people in. For some, this will be the way they live their life until they are no longer here, and that’s their choice (bless their soul), but that doesn’t have to be you. You can cultivate more love in your life starting today.

When you think you’ve loved enough, love more!

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How to Get Past Manifesting Love Blocks

Manifesting love is not for the faint of heart; however, it doesn’t need to be as difficult as some people make it out to be. All you need is wiliness, clarity, and a great deal of courage and strength of heart. Oh, you also need openness, vulnerability, trust and self-love but you already know that.

I acknowledge you for your willingness to go out and get what you deserve, what you came to this earth for; it’s your birthright to find the right one for you and it WILL happen!

So here you are in the midst of your manifesting-love journey and all of a sudden you feel stuck. Not to worry my friends because this is only temporary. I suggest you take some time to do some introspective work and if you follow the following five tips, you will be all good to go and back on track.

 

# 1 Make a list of three non-negotiables to help you get clear on what you want to manifest

The universe doesn’t like chaos. If you have a list of 8,425 items of everything you are looking for in your “person,” it will be impossible to bring them all to you. Pick three non-negotiables. These are things that are deal-breakers. Everything else is the cherry on top. For instance, if you are looking for someone who has the same religion as you, likes to be adventurous and travel a lot, who is intelligent and intriguing, and you meet someone who has those three characteristics, AND you have major chemistry, then there’s a great chance that the two of you could have endless potential. If this person happens to have some additional characteristics that you would like in a partner, but they aren’t part of your three non-negotiables, then consider yourself extra blessed. Take the time to hone in and think about what matters to you. Tap into your inner consciousness and look at your morals and values. What makes you feel comfortable, at ease, and full of joy? Those are your non-negotiables.

 

# 2 Not being clear on what you’re looking for:

This is a significant block because, for the universe to serve up what you have ordered, you need to be clear on what you want to “order.”

Set the intention for what you ARE looking for, not what you’re NOT looking for:

In manifesting, you want to be positive. Since we know that the universe gives us what we focus on, you must be focused on what you do want, not what you don’t want, because if you are focused on what you don’t want, the universe will bring you just that because THAT’S what you’re focused on. For example, a client of mine dated a man she couldn’t trust, and he gave her very clear reasons not to trust him. He would flirt with other women in front of her, and sometimes he would disappear for days. Her self-esteem was at an all-time low. She came into her first session announcing that she wanted to manifest the right man for her; she was sick of dating the wrong men and would do everything to AVOID another man she couldn’t trust! You never want to use the word “avoid” when manifesting because that is exactly what you will manifest as it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I informed her of this concept, and she was surprised and relieved. She understood from that day forward that she needed to focus on what she did want, which was a solid man she could trust- a man who had her back and a man she felt good around, she felt at home with, etc.

Once she had her a-ha moment and made this shift in her consciousness, it didn’t take long for her to manifest her man- an upstanding gentleman- chivalrous, treated her like a princess, respected her and made her feel safe physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

 

#3 Be in Trust-Mode vs. Fear-Mode

There are two things in life- there is love, and there is fear. The two cannot exist at the same time. I encourage you to be mindful and aware of where you are residing at all times. If you reside in fear mode, make a conscious effort to shift into faith (aka as love, aka trust) mode.

Humans are conditioned to be in fear mode, and it only holds them back from manifesting love. Realizing that the block to love does not come from the outside; instead, it comes from the inside can feel very empowering. You have the power to choose to reside in love and trust mode to bring in the person who is the most aligned with you; that person you will recognize and instantly feel at home; that’s your person. But you won’t be able to get there

 

#4 Leave the past in the past

This is a must when it comes to manifesting love! If you are hung up on a past love, it’s not possible to bring in the love that is waiting for you. Energetically you are still in the past, so even though you think you’re ready, you’re not until you make peace with your past relationships and lay them to rest in the past where they belong. You learned and grew from each experience, and hopefully, they all made you stronger and more connected with your knowledge of who you are (if you haven’t done this work, feel free to reach out to me because healing is crucial to manifesting love). My point is that you want to be fully open to love, and that means that you are free and willing to be vulnerable and open your heart when the time is right to meet your “person.”

#5 Comparison:

Do not compare yourself to others. Let me repeat, do not compare yourself to other people. Everyone has their own “right time.” Just because your best friend Jenna has been happily married with a kid on the way doesn’t mean that it’s your time. Your time will come, and the more that you compare yourself to “Jenna” or everyone who pops up on your Instagram feed, the worse you will feel about yourself, and your energy and vibration will be low, resulting in low self-esteem, which will never get you what you want, which is love. Trust that your time will come and do your best to stay in your own lane.

 

No matter what you do or what you say, or how many dates you go on, manifesting needs to start from within. Every tip I mentioned has to do with how you are feeling on the inside. Do everything in your power to practice self-care and be gentle and tender with yourself. Before you know it, all of your anguish and “suffering” will be just a minor blip in the past, and you will find yourself in the arms of your “forever” wondering why you spent so much time worrying about it not happening. Stay present, stay grounded and stay centered, and most importantly, stay in your self-loving. You got this!

 

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Healthy Crush or Unhealthy Infatuation: That is The Question

Experiencing a crush is immensely life-affirming. The butterflies, the excitement, and the hope of what could be are all-encompassing.

Crushes inform our hearts what we are capable of feeling. When you experience a crush, everything else around you seems to disappear; stresses get alleviated, and you’re on “cloud 9.”

Things don’t bother you as much as they used to. When your heart is in a blissful state, you feel as if nothing can go wrong. It’s human to have crushes, and I encourage you to feel all the feels and not push the feelings away.

Crushes are healthy!

On the flip side, an unhealthy infatuation is not recommended. An infatuation is different than a crush because, with a crush, you have enough data about the person to know who they are, whether this means you have personally spent time with them or you know someone who has. An unhealthy infatuation occurs from a distance.

Travel back in time to your early teens, high school, or 4th grade, as it was in my case. Now, think about that person who you just thought was the cutest thing you ever saw, you got a little (or A LOT) nervous around them, and perhaps you sent them a special Valentine? Yep, that was probably your first crush. Mine was Brian (not to be confused with “Bryan,” my husband) … anyone sensing a little foreshadowing here? Brian had the most adorable bowl cut and a face I could stare at forever. He was a guy’s guy (oh wait, I mean boy’s boy) who loved sports and was very “manly,” yet he was also sweet and very smart. To be honest, thinking back, there wasn’t necessarily one solid reason I had a crush on him…. I just did.

It was one of those unexplainable things- an energy or chemistry (as I call it today, but at the time, I had no idea and didn’t think twice about it.

All I knew was that he was the one I couldn’t wait to see when I got to school… this went on for years and got stronger in 6th grade when I showed up in Spanish class excited to tell him about the dream I had about him the night before and like any other 7th grade boy who had no f’ing idea how to respond to that, he said “cool!” I was hoping and expecting him to sweep me off my feet, throw me into a dip and smack one on my lips in front of the whole class, and senora Sturtz….um, but that didn’t quite happen – not at all. I was devastated and embarrassed that I was vulnerable enough to share my dream with him. I got NOTHING…. but that didn’t dissuade me from being vulnerable again in life because being vulnerable is KEY! This crush continued and continued, and we finally kissed at our senior year of high school graduation- it was one of those life-changing moments I’ll never forget- I felt it all. It was one of the moments in my life when I was completely present, and I never wanted it to end! It was above and beyond what I could’ve ever imagined and then…. it had to end just like most young adult romances. Cut to we both went our separate ways off to college and then life and lots of other boys came my way, and Brian was just a sweet memory from the past (although I did run into him during my travels abroad in Amsterdam when I was twenty-one years old and man did he look good!).

I’m telling this story because it is an example of a healthy crush. No harm done. Send me your crush stories- I’d love to hear them!

Crushes are there to show us what our hearts can feel.

As we get older and we learn how to have adult communication and adult experiences, crushes get more profound and more impactful on our lives. Here is the “ticker,” though. There is a difference between a healthy and innocent crush and an unhealthy infatuation with someone. It’s essential to know the difference because it can impact your entire life. If you think you have a healthy crush, but in actuality, it’s an unhealthy infatuation, it could be detrimental.

A few red flags to look out for to discern between a healthy crush and an unhealthy infatuation:

Healthy Crush:
You have a lot of data about your crush. For example, you know this person and have spent a reasonable amount of time with them, getting to know each other, or at least knowing people who know this person very well and can vouch for them.

Unhealthy Infatuation:
You “know” this person from afar. In reality, you don’t know that much about this person, but you are drawn to them regardless and think you know them, but you don’t. You need to be careful and aware if you feel this is happening. The mind likes to play tricks on people when their heart starts feeling a pitter-patter; sometimes, the mind leaves the building, and all reason is thrown out the door. Have a balance between your head and your heart. Yes, you should always trust how your heart feels; however, see if it is based on reality or based on who you THINK this person is, but you don’t know them. An unhealthy infatuation is a waste of time and energy and only keeps you from finding someone who has potential.

Whether it’s a crush or an infatuation, how do you know when it’s time to move on …. And how DO you move on?

I want you to be gentle with yourself. You will know when the time is right when the time is right. Ways to know this:

Confirmation:
You have confirmed and validated that this crush will not turn into a relationship because the feelings aren’t reciprocated (note to self: you are a rock star, and this has nothing to do with you- you just weren’t right for one another). Rejection is protection (from the Universe) and redirection- remember that!

This Person Drains Your Energy:
Spending time with this person leaves you feeling distraught and hopeless, versus feeling alive, held, and loved (which is what you deserve and what comes with a healthy crush.

They Have Found Someone New:
You have seen that they have moved on, and so should you.

Trust and Believe:
This is the key to your healing. You need to trust and believe that there is someone better out there for you. You need to trust that the Universe will bring you this (feeling) or something better for the highest good of all concerned. Be open to that truth, and it WILL happen for you, I promise!

Moving on from a crush can feel like a great sense of loss. Take the time to grieve. Feel your feelings and don’t push them away. Take as much time as you need to grieve, and know that the antidote for getting over a crush will be time or someone better suited for you.
Open up your heart. The Universe needs to know that it’s open for biz.
Acknowledge your resilience. You have moved on from a past crush or relationship, and now you are stronger and wiser, so you can most definitely do it again and emerge even stronger and more empowered this time.

It would be remiss if I didn’t mention that crushes never have to end when you have found the right person. Yes, there are different phases of relationships. Still, at the heart of a successful, romantic, authentic forever relationship, you also need to like the person, not just love them, but let’s get back to that crush.

My parents have been married for almost fifty years, and I can say with confidence that what I witness and what I see and know in their presence is that they still get butterflies when they see each other at the end of the day. They say the kindest, sweetest and romantic things to each other; they write each other the most beautiful cards. They have an epic love that still consists of that crush they had long ago.

This is the type of love that doesn’t come around every day.

However, you can have it, your best friend can have it. Your dentist can have it, your hairdresser can have it, and your mailman can have it. Why? Because it’s everyone’s birthright!

You never know, the next crush you have might just, could just be the one… happy love journey ahead to all of you!!

 

 

 

 

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Why Being Present is Crucial When Manifesting Love

What is all the hype about mindfulness and being present when it comes to manifesting love?

We are constantly hearing all about being present, but why is it so crucial to manifesting love? The simple answer is, if you’re not here, how will love know where to find you? The more extensive and more profound answer is in the rest of this article.

Young Children are present; they only think about the moment at hand.

They don’t have enough history of residing there and enjoy the moment so much that they don’t have any anxiety about the future. Their job is to play, eat and sleep. And most importantly, to be loved, so if they can do it, why can’t we? We absolutely can, but we have spent soo much time residing in the past and the future that it just takes some practice. As I said, children don’t have the history, the hurt, the trauma, and the happy memories to hold onto from the past, and they don’t know what genuine anxiety about the future is yet, so they don’t have it.

Most humans walk around thinking about their past and future in micro and macro ways. You might spend your whole day at work thinking about what you’re going to have for dinner, and then the next day, you might spend your entire day thinking about how yesterday you hated how that fight happened with your boyfriend.

Another example: Macro this time,
You spend years ruminating over your relationship that ended a decade ago, blaming yourself for its demise and wishing that things could’ve worked out because if they had, then for sure, you’d be happy today.

Or you fear that you won’t find your person.

We, as humans, think that we know best. We spend so much time in the past and the future because we believe that we can control the outcome and make life precisely the way we want it to be.

What I’ve learned is that when we can let go and trust that the way that life IS, is the way it’s supposed to be – we surrender, and we end the suffering. It’s how we arrive at the place of allowing versus resistance to life.

Being present in life is not something that happens overnight- ohhhh no – NOT AT ALL, but I promise you that if you never start, you’ll never get there. Spirit meets us at our point of action, so we must take action- start small – take it one day at a time. The Universe will reward you, I promise.

The Universe doesn’t respond to chaos—it responds to you when you are feeling grounded, present, and at peace. Living in the past or the future is simply a waste of time.

Your “person” is already out there- somewhere just waiting to meet you, but if you’re stuck in the past, energetically, there is no room for them to come in. Think about your heart for a second. That heart that is so f’ing precious and deserves the world. That heart, if it’s focused on your past, it tells The Universe that you are closed for business. When you are stuck in the past and your heart is filled up with what could have been, there is no room for what is waiting for you. Be present. Be here now. Your suffering will subside.

You have the choice. Do you want to stay in the past and suffer, or do you want to free yourself, open your heart, and make room for all that is to come?

When you’re on a date, and you are physically there, but mentally you are in the past or the future, your date will be able to pick up on that— there’s no way that your date can get to know you or you to know them if you aren’t there. What’s the point of being somewhere if you’re not going to BE there? Cultivate and focus on the importance of meaning and purpose in all that you do. Be intentional- don’t just float through life aimlessly- when you go on a date- go because you want to be there because you want to be present and open to love. Spare yourself and your date the waste of time if your heart isn’t in it. You know how it feels to be on the other side.

My clients come in and wonder why the date didn’t work out. I ask, “Were you thinking of ‘Alex’ while you were on your date?”
“No! O.k., I guess, maybe!?”
Me: “Were you comparing him??”
Client: “No! Well, maybe…. ”
Me: “Were you able to show up as your authentic self and show Trent who you truly are because you were present?”
Client: “No, I guess not.”
Me: “Then you didn’t give this relationship a chance to even get off of the ground.”

 

And now, here are five simple tips for cultivating mindfulness so you never have to look back and wish that you could’ve learned how to be present. Instead, a few months or years from now, you will be sitting with your love at dinner, toasting to your anniversary and speaking from your heart about how grateful you feel that you met each other.

#1 Get comfortable with the unknown:

We get so caught up in future worries because we want all of the answers to our problems right now. We feel the stress that comes with the “not knowing” and let it get to us, leading to self-criticism and self-doubt. The less you strain to find the answers, the more likely they will come to you and the more empowered, centered, and grounded you will feel.

#2 Feel your feelings:

You can’t get past something until you go through it! I want you to acknowledge anything that is coming up for you and allow your feelings to flow. Our feelings remind us that we are here in the moment, and as you’ve learned, you must be in the moment to manifest love. Let go of the mentality that you shouldn’t have certain feelings and need to be positive all of the time. Just let yourself feel whatever and whenever as your feelings pop up.

#3 Be accountable to yourself to practice mindfulness:

Pick something that works for you; whether it’s journal writing, yoga, meditation, or walking, it’s essential to carve out time in your day to be present intentionally. Just like any other muscle, mindfulness is something that takes patience and dedication, so it’s crucial to practice it daily.

# 4 Be. Here. Now:

As you go through your day, to get yourself out of your head, I want you to start to practice acknowledging what is happening at the exact moment. If you are brushing your teeth, think to yourself, “I am brushing my teeth right now.” Feel how the bristles of your toothbrush feel on your gums. When you’re brushing your hair, do the same practice. Ask yourself questions like: What do I hear? What is around me? Where am I? What is around me? Who is around? How am I feeling? You might feel silly when you start doing this, but if your goal is to manifest love, it’s all part of your journey. Being. Here. Now. is beyond beneficial to the whole process.

 

# 5 Unplug from social media:

Focusing on social media takes you away from the present moment, especially if you are looking back at your own pictures or you are looking at your ex’s pictures and videos. Or maybe, you are looking at someone’s account to which you are comparing yourself, which makes you feel down on yourself and bad about where you’re in life. Find things to do instead of social media like exercising, reading a book, going for dinner with a friend. Whatever it is, it will keep you from ruminating or future-thinking and agonizing. In other words, it will keep you from suffering and bring you back to the moment at hand, which is all that matters anyway.

I hope you feel encouraged and inspired to go forward with your dating journey and find that person who can’t wait to meet you too! Remember to be in the moment because being anywhere else where you are, does you no good and only harms you.

Trust that everything that has happened before now has happened for a reason, and everything that will continue to happen will be divinely timed and perfect just the way it is.

Remember to allow life – to accept life and not be in resistance, all in service of you finding the “person” who came to this earth to be with you and you with them.

Any questions? Contact Jaime Here

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What REALLY Matters in Life

Have you ever stopped to wonder what really matters to you? What are your highest priorities in life? What’s your purpose? What’s your “why?”

I was recently asked what matters to me right now, and the interesting thing is that what came to me is that what matters to me right now is what has always mattered to me and what always will matter to me.

Let’s break it down: what does “matter” mean? To me, it means the important things in life, what I value, and what has meaning to me.

According to Google’s definition of “matter,” it is:

“To be of importance; have significance.”

If you ever struggle to find what matters in your life, think about what is insignificant and what doesn’t matter to you and then think of the opposite, and that will be what does matter.

What doesn’t matter are relationships that don’t bring you joy. What does matter are relationships that help build you up; you feel more elevated in life because of the relationship.

Without further adieu:

LOVE:Love is why we live.

Love matters; it really matters. Why does it matter so much? It matters because it’s the foundation of everything in life. From an evolutionary point of view, you need love to continue the cycle of life. You don’t hear about people who hate each other wanting to have a child together. Love leads to the continuation of life, and life leads to the continuation of love, and the cycle is never-ending. The more love we cultivate in our lives, the more love there will be in the world, and love is contagious. Being around love helps to inspire your love within, so it’s important to spend time around people who show love which brings me to the importance of showing versus telling. Show people you love them through your actions. Life is too short to have anything less than loving relationships. Forgive, hug, love, grow and thrive together in love.

HAPPINESS:

What I’ve learned through my experience on this earth for 44 years is that happiness is subjective. It doesn’t matter what your life looks like on paper.

If you don’t feel happy, then you need to figure out why and do what you can to bring about more happiness in your life.

Read Here: 20 Secrets to Living a Happier Life

The crazy thing that people don’t realize is that happiness is an inside job. People are often unhappy because they aren’t showing up as themselves- they feel like they’ve lost themselves. No one in the world will make you happy- people can enhance your happiness, but it really needs to start with you. So, happiness matters to me because I feel whole when I feel happy. I am in the flow of life, and I feel more relaxed when I feel happy. When I am happy, everything in life is better. Happiness matters because, just like love, happiness is contagious. When we are happy, we enjoy our relationships more. We can access the fruits and squeeze out that delicious nectar of our close relationships with people- we thrive and can actually see the purpose of relationships, which is joy and connection; it all feels great.

PEACE:

Peace matters to me; on a micro and macro level. My inner peace and my inner state matter to me because when I feel at peace, I feel more productive- I can create and manifest more.

World peace matters to me. The only reason why we have so much war and duality in this world is that people don’t feel peace within. If people felt at peace in their own lives, they’d have no reason to harm others or disrupt other’s lives. I know that war will never end, but I will continue to do my part to talk about peace and show up as peace to the best of my ability.

Every time someone feels more peaceful, the level of “againstness” lessens.FAMILY:

My family matters to me. The relationships that I cultivate within my family matter to me. My family’s individual member’s happiness matters to me. When we are thriving in our relationships with our family members, life seems easier. Our families have the potential to provide a great deal of support and love. I encourage you to do the best you can to mend any familial relationships that are struggling.

Don’t judge! Love your loved-ones unconditionally without judgment and forgive. Have compassion for your family members. Everyone is always doing the best they can, and some people have limitations- rise above and be the “bigger,” more evolved human being.

Support those you hold closest to your heart; it feels good to support and to be supported by your loving family.

And have FUN with your family. Cultivate as much meaningful, fun, light-hearted time with your family members as possible.

HELPING PEOPLE:It is my purpose on this earth to help people enhance their lives.

As a therapist and coach, I get to fulfill my purpose every day. And with my family and friends, I am always doing my best to show up for people. Whether it’s my clients or my friends or family, I allow them to be who they are – to express themselves – flaws and all as I provide a safe space where they can vent. I can be a sounding board, an advocate, someone to be accountable to, someone they can rely on and feel unconditional love from.

PHILANTHROPY:

I have always known that one of my missions in life is to help people. From as early as I can remember, helping people enhance their life has always brought me an abundance of joy. When I was a kid, I spent time with sick children at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago and sang and danced for them with a group of other kids. I fed the homeless, and in high school, I volunteered at a nursing home and worked with students who were educablly mentally disabled. It’s hard to explain why I love helping people so much, but all I can say is that knowing that I have been a part of enhancing someone’s happiness lights me up, so it makes sense why I chose a career as a therapist.

My heart is so big that it sometimes doesn’t know how to contain itself.

I wish that I could help the world, but as my dad taught me, what matters in life is quality over quantity.

I can specifically remember my first year of graduate school struggling with that concept a bit. I was working at a daycare center in Harlem. The kids that went there came from very stressful homelives. Oh, how I loved those kids. One after another, just full of light, innocence, and preciousness. I recall calling my mom one evening after work with uncontrollable tears running down my cheeks. My sadness was overwhelming. My heart hurt because I wanted to help all of them, and it made me sad to think that after my internship, how would I be able to help them? I wanted to be there for ALL of them as they grew up. My mom said something that helped me shift and see things from a different perspective. She said, “Jaime, did you give one kid a hug today?” Of course- I gave many kids hugs today. “Ok, I want you to know that if you have helped one child today, that’s all that matters. One hug goes a long way. You can’t save the world, but if you impact one life at a time, you’ve done your job.” I calmed down and took a deep breath, and felt better. I have never forgotten that moment! I need to remind myself about that even now, as an adult. As long as I know that I am helping one client at a time, one session at a time, I know I’m doing my job. When I hear “Thank you so much, I feel lighter,” my world and THE world feels lighter as well.

At the end of the day, what matters most are our relationships. Our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with one another. Relationships aren’t always easy but know that the happier you are within, the happier your relationships with others on the outside will be.

We need each other! We need to learn from one another and grow together. We need to have fun together, create together and live harmonious lives filled with as much joy and love as possible.

 

Contact Jaime Here!

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