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No Broken Promises – Chapter One

Chapter 1 – Remi

 

Dear Parker…

I don’t know how to start this letter, or if I should even be writing you one. You just lost your husband, and I… lost one of my best friends. I don’t think any of us will know what’s the right thing to do. Not for a long time. What I know is that I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. Knowing Danny won’t be there for the birth of your son. Or his son’s first day of school. Or any of those things that you’ve dreamed of since you were a little girl.

I can’t make this right, and I know me writing to tell you that is practically useless.

But I’m here.

“Fuck.”

Tearing up the weather-worn letter I’ve been working on for a month and a half in the middle of the desert during my deployment suddenly seems like a great idea. Until I glance over my shoulder to see Lincoln Hayes, my best friend, staring out at the desert with a defeated expression on his face. Like the entire world is gone. For him, though, it practically is.

“Fuck,” I mutter once more.

Rather than tear up the letter I can’t even bring myself to finish, I fold it into the same tight square as before and slip it back into the pocket over my left breast, closing my eyes briefly as its negligible weight returns to my chest. Suddenly, I feel like I can breathe again.

“One more month, Remy. One more month.” Linc’s voice hits me like a freight train. Since the accident, I don’t think I’ve heard more than one word from him at a time. “Then we’re out of this hell.”

His eyes never leave the anchor he’s been staring at every single day since the accident.

“Do you think you’re going to go home?” I cough, trying to cover the heavy emotions I feel digging into my chest. “To see your mom. Parker.” Even saying her name sends a chill down my spine.

Stop. The order is useless, though. I’ll never not think about Parker Hayes. I haven’t before, and I won’t now. She’s always been the perfect contradiction, wrapped in sass and fire. Everything that makes the wet dreams of a teenager come to life.

Linc’s shoulders tense, and then he sighs, slumping into something that doesn’t resemble my best friend in the slightest. “No. I can’t see her. Not yet. Not until I have something to tell her.”

But he isn’t talking about Parker. Nor is he talking about his mom. I can tell that much by the way his eyes dart over my face, almost afraid of what I’ll say next.

Hell, I’d be afraid too, honestly.

“Kennedy’ll wait for you.” I take the high road, and deserve a fuckin’ trophy for it. “She’ll be hurt, and no doubt will give you all sorts of shit about it. But you lost your brother, Linc. You deserve some time to figure out your life, to salvage what’s left of your happiness.”

“She’s your sister, man.” Linc closes his eyes, wrapping his hands around his face. His pain filters through the short distance between us, bringing me into the circle of his grief and desolation.

“Yeah.” I shrug. “But Kennedy knew exactly what she was getting into. There’s a reason I didn’t go after my heart.” Flashes of Parker fill my mind, and I’m powerless to stop them.

Her, dancing under a sky full of stars when we went camping during high school.

Her, running around the field next to the elementary school in eighth grade, trying to get away from something in a distant memory.

Her, on the first day of school, walking in and knocking me on my six-year-old ass, without even knowing it.

Her, never knowing that she owned me.

And she never will.

“I’m sorry.” The words feel wrong, like acid pouring out of my throat, and I wish like hell that I could take them back. That I never had to utter them in the first place.

“They got the debris cleaned up.” Linc’s emotionless eyes shift back to the familiar desert. “Where Danny’s chopper went down. You can’t even tell anymore.”

“Let’s go.” I grab my rifle, sitting against the Humvee that Linc has taken up an almost permanent position against.

Linc doesn’t follow, at least not at first. A few seconds later, though, he pushes himself away from the truck and comes with me. Every step seems hesitant, forced out of him.

I can’t blame him. Hell, with every step, I am thrust back to that day. The one when we all lost Danny. Linc? He lost more than the rest of us. He lost his brother—his twin. When he came back from emergency leave, he did so with a piece of his soul missing. 

Silence falls between us, where it never would have before, as we approach the scene of Danny’s accident.

“He’s not gone,” I tell him bluntly. “You think he’s gone. But he’s not. He’s here. Watching over you, watching her. Making sure you’re covered.”

I stand in silence, with my eyes on anything but Linc, while he grieves. That, and I didn’t clear it with anyone for us to head out through the gate. Honestly, though, I don’t give a fuck anymore. Not when this godforsaken place has stolen so much from us. I don’t want to die, though, so I keep an eye on our surroundings and pray that a firefight doesn’t come raining down on top of our heads.

“Thank you, Remy.” Linc clears his throat, and we both ignore the obvious signs that he’s been crying.

“No problem. Now, let’s get back before they notice we vanished for ten minutes.”

Linc laughs bitterly. “You kiddin’ me? No one will even look at me right now. I doubt they’ll even notice we’re gone.”

I know it’s completely ridiculous, but I swear to every god in the sky that in this moment, I feel Danny here with us. Walking back to the gate as we cross the border back into camp, he vanishes.

A month later, Linc and I are headed in two distinctly separate directions, two different stations. Another unit was short a man, and Linc volunteered. He won’t be going home any time soon, I know that. But then again, neither am I. Time and space are two things I need far away from Birch County. That, and I’m not man enough to admit the truth.

“You gonna keep your promise?” Linc’s question catches me off guard and I almost trip as we step off the plane.

The only thing that keeps me from tumbling down the airplane steps like a fuckin’ kid is the fact that I have a tight grip on the handrail.

“What?”

“The promise you made that night to Danny. To watch out for Parker.”

When I turn around, there is a glint in Linc’s eye. The same one he always gets when we’re on patrol and something is about to go sideways.

I try to keep my mouth shut. Really I do. And then he goes and drives a knife through my chest without even trying.

“If you love her, the way you had to in order to give her up, then you’ll be there for her.” His eyes cut straight through every barrier I’ve kept up for the last two years. The same ones I’ve constructed to keep her out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lie. He knows it too. I see the way his left eye ticks, when he struggles to keep himself under control.

We finally make it off the tarmac and into the airport’s lobby, trying to blend in as well as two Marines in uniform can. Even blending in as well as we can doesn’t give me a break from Linc’s continued glare. If anything, it becomes even more obvious, when we take our seats in the same fuckin’ terminal.

I can’t catch a break.

“I’m waiting for an answer, Remy.” He doesn’t wait for my answer, though, when he sees the coffee shop open across the lobby.

With a sharp glance, he leaves me alone at least for a moment. When he returns with two cups of black coffee, I almost groan. It’s been so long since I had a decent cup that I’m not sure my body will know what to do with it.

“Here.” Linc hands the second coffee over, and I don’t care about the heat. I drink that bitch straight down.

“I’ll do it,” I practically snarl. “I’ll keep an eye on her. But that’s it.”

Linc opens his mouth to give me some sort of smart-ass retort, no doubt. Before he can, though, the PA system turns on and his plane starts loading.

That doesn’t stop him from pointing a threatening finger at me and narrowing his eyes.

“This isn’t over, shithead. I know you love her. So did Danny, otherwise he would have never asked you to take care of her if anything happened to him.”

I don’t call him out on his bullshit, even though I want to more than anything. Him and Kennedy are different than Parker and me. He’s been in love with my sister forever, and she knows it. She’s given him a chance. Parker doesn’t have a clue how I feel, and she never will.

Still, when the terminal empties and I have nothing left but time as I wait the twelve hours for my flight, all I can do is think about that night. Reliving the haunting memories that I’ll never be able to forget.

Needing to breathe, I go to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. While I clutch either side of the porcelain sink in front of the metal mirror, I hardly recognize the man staring back at me.

Dark circles have taken up permanent residence under my eyes, and with them the now-familiar haunted expression that I’ll never escape. I close my eyes, hoping to escape the nightmare that follows me everywhere.

“Thank you,” Danny slurred drunkenly. “For pushing her away.”

“I didn’t do anything.” The lie slipped out easily enough when we were at Lucy’s Bar, drinking before we left Birch the next day. “She chose you.”

Danny snorted, and his eyes went to the woman he’d married that morning, with me and his brother as witnesses.

“She’s not mine, and we both know it. I fucked up. And this is the only way to fix it. For now. We’ll fix it, though, and right now the baby is enough.”

I cringed at his words and bit my tongue, wanting to remind him that a baby was never a good reason to get married. But I didn’t. It wasn’t my place. It would never be my place, no matter what he said.

Suddenly sounding very much sober, Danny grabbed my shoulder. He waited until I glanced up from the bottle of beer I’d been nursing half the night as I tried not to stare at Parker. She was sitting across the bar with a group of her friends, my sisters among them.

“If something happens to me, Remy. I want you to help her. Watch her. Take care of her.” His voice broke. “Love her.”

Bristling, I tried to shrug him off, but he held tight. “Come on, Danny. Nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Promise me, Remy.”

“Ask Linc,” I hedged. “He’s your twin.” Even though I wanted to scream from a mountain that I’d always protect her, I didn’t. She wasn’t mine.

“No.” Danny shook his head somberly. “He’s in love with Kennedy, always has been. I can’t ask that of him. Can’t ask him to walk away from the love of his life. But you …” He looked around, making sure no one was close enough to eavesdrop. “You’re the only one who deserves her love. The only one who deserves to love her.”

I swallowed hard at his words, trying to figure out how to lie to one of my best friends.

“Promise me, Remy.”

Unable to put words to a lie, I nodded, making the promise that would seal my fate.

“I’m sorry, Danny.” I open my eyes, feeling once more like he’s standing right next to me. “I don’t think I can keep my promise.”

“Yeah you can.” His voice echoes in my head, a faint memory. “Let yourself love her.”

“One day,” I whisper to my best friend’s ghost. “Maybe one day.”

I walk away, refusing to admit I’m lying yet again.

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new release – never say never

Never Say Never is here! He’s a grumpy bad boy with a chip on his shoulder the size of the state. He’s dark, broody, sexy as hell, and he knows it. I shouldn’t want him so badly. He barely knows I’m alive. Until nature decides to throw us a curve ball. Mother nature… Or fate. Once the clothes come off and secrets are revealed…there’s no going back. We both know we’re careening toward a disaster by falling into bed again. But one taste wasn’t enough. It’s more like an appetizer for a meal with an endless number of courses. And I’m a starving woman. read Never Say Never Rue’s last Blog Post No Broken Promises – Chapter One

No Broken Promises by Rue Lennox – Chapter One.
Remy
Dear Parker…

I don’t know how to start this letter, or if I should even be writing you one. You just lost your husband, and I… lost one of my best friends. I don’t think any of us will know what’s the right thing to do. Not for a long time. What I know is that I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. Knowing Danny won’t be there for the birth of your son. Or his son’s first day of school. Or any of those things that you’ve dreamed of since you were a little girl.

I can’t make this right, and I know me writing to tell you that is practically useless.

But I’m here.

read more

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Never Say Never – Chapter One

Chapter 1 – Brandi

 

I can’t decide which is worse… killing my teacher or wanting to screw his brains out.

But since he’s a cop and I work with him, it’s probably the first option.

Which sucks, because he’s hot and I’d love to do him. He’s just got an attitude worse than anything I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

I stare out the window of the briefing room in the Serenity Harbor fire station as the bright sunny day turns gunmetal gray in less than ten minutes.

Rain starts tapping on the windows, then furiously pummels the metal roof, drowning out the man speaking in front of the room.

We’re used to unpredictable weather in Maine, but this type of storm is going to catch too many people off guard.

And here I am, stuck with thirty other dispatchers, firefighters, and police officers, just as bored of unneeded training as I am, when what promises to be a storm beyond the meteorologists’ predictions starts unleashing its fury outside.

I clear my throat. “Um, excuse me.”

Maybe a little too much glee rides the frustration in me as I raise my hand, speak, and cut off Travis Masterson’s lecture.

His blue eyes land on me and I somehow manage to keep my composure under the cold and arrogant expression from the man who may look like a blond god but has the manners of an angry lobster mixed with a pissy ass.

“I’m talking.”

An unwanted shiver runs through me straight into my core at that low, rich voice. Unwanted because the man may be six foot three of pure, hot masculinity, but he hates my guts. Has from the moment I got hired in the sheriff’s department as a dispatcher.

I stand to my far-from-imposing, usually calm, not quite five feet and stare him down.

“You might not have noticed,” I say, “but there’s a storm. A big one. It’s knocking at the door here, man. I don’t think it’s here for a date.”

Travis’ eyes narrow into hard chips of blue ice and his mouth thins even more than it already was at the titter of laughter that ripples through the room at my joke.

I’m used to his anger, especially because it seems to be made just for me. For anyone else, he’d have a smile or a spark of warmth in his eyes.

Not for me.

So I plunge on, ready to go to war if it means I don’t get soaked to the bone on my way home.

“The storm’s bad, it’s early, and it’s starting to hit.”

“You want me to… what? Wave a magic wand? Make it go away so it doesn’t ruin your hair?”

God, he’s a total ass, pure and simple. No matter how much I might want to take him for a ride, there’s no ignoring his attitude.

“No. I want you to be smart and get us off the island before we get stuck here.”

No one in the room says a word. I don’t speak like this often. And I’m sure they’re not used to seeing a pint-sized pixie arguing with what amounts to a giant compared to me. But this is important and his attitude annoys the hell out of me.

Still… that’s his problem, not mine. I try to get along, most of the time. And this—it isn’t the time.

“Smart?”

Yeah, he may be gorgeous, and if he’d been nice, then every cell of my body would be melting. Unfortunately, he’s Travis and he hates me for reasons I can’t even begin to question or understand.

“Smart.” I raise my voice above the lashing storm and rolling crash of thunder. And no matter how much I want to, I refuse to look away. “We need to cut this off early, like now, and let people who can, go home, and the rest can make themselves useful during this shit show.”

Because I know from what I’d glimpsed out the window, there will be calls.

Travis stares at me and I resist squirming and bury down that little flare of awareness that flickers to life inside me. And his cheeks and neck take on a ruddy hue before he looks away.

“Good idea—”

The thunder crashes as the day lights up, flashing bright, then everything goes dark.

“Someone call the chief,” Travis says. “Johnson and Peters, get the generator on.”

I whip out my phone and called dispatch. “Hey, Poppy, do you know what’s going on?”

“Tell the guys to be prepared to stay for a while. There’s a jam on the bridge. Looks like power lines came down on a big rig. 9-1-1 is ringing nonstop.”

“Shit. I’ll let them know,” I say as she hangs up.

I look around at the chaos in the room. I don’t like being the center of attention, but I did it once already so I can do it again. With a deep breath, I stick my thumb and middle finger in my mouth and let out an ear-piercing whistle.

Everyone stops and turns toward the noise. I blush under their scrutiny.

“There’s been an accident on the bridge. So it looks like we’re going to be stuck here on the island for a while. Just get settled in for now, and we’ll get more information for you as soon as we can.”

The moment I finish, everyone has their phones out and the cacophony rises again with people calling their agencies or loved ones.

I already did the first and don’t have the second waiting for me at home. Not that I’ll be getting there anytime soon. Still, I need something to do. I always have in unstable times.

Shit, I have to do it.

I turn on my phone’s flashlight, and after holding it above my head and moving it over the crowd, I find the man I need to talk to. I make my way to Travis’ side, steeling myself with every step.

“Okay, what do you want me to do?” I should defer to his experience as an officer in this situation, I know that, but he really rubs me the wrong way. Well, he doesn’t rub me any way, which is kind of my problem.

His gaze flickers to me, like he just noticed me, but he hadn’t. With every step taken closer to him, I saw the stiffening of his limbs, the gathering of muscles, like he expected something dangerous to attack.

But Travis doesn’t move. “We need to find out what’s going on, then wait and see what they need us to do. We’re not supposed to be on duty now, but if this gets bad like you say, they’re gonna need all hands on deck.”

His gaze shifts back to me, and in the shadowy room that shrouds like a cloak, he takes me in, a slow perusal that feels like hands on naked flesh, and I can’t quite breathe.

Idiot, I think as my fingers itch to touch him, just brush against him and see what he’ll do.

He’d probably slap me away like a fly.

To someone as big as him, I know I seem exactly like a little bug. I suck in a breath and resist the urge to step back.

He raises a brow that is more sardonic than it has a right to be. “Well? I thought you said this was an emergency.”

The word ass really wants freedom, but I am not that kind of person. I nod.

“Okay, I’ll see what I can find out.” And on trembling legs, I turn and walk away.

Outside in the corridor, I lean against the wall and close my eyes.

The underlying sting from Travis’ tone gets to me when it shouldn’t. I don’t know him. And I don’t need to. He doesn’t like me, so what? It’s no skin off any part of my anatomy, I tell myself as the lights flick back on.

A cheer rises behind me but it doesn’t echo inside. Sometimes the darkness suits me. Monsters hide there, sure, but it also means I can, too.

With a deep breath, I push the thought away as I step away from the wall and go in search of the right people and make call after call.

Half an hour later, I stop before I reenter the room to face the man who single-handedly makes me feel insecure about myself. I lean my forehead against the cool, smooth plaster of the wall and close my eyes for a moment.

It isn’t going to be easy, but I’ve faced worse.

Without another thought, I slip on my professional demeanor, the one I wear at work when I’m dealing with men who act like children, and go in search of Travis.

He isn’t hard to find. Tall, buff gods with the temperament of a crotchety Chihuahua aren’t difficult to pick out in a crowd.

His blond head is bent low as he stands with a pretty cop who smiles up at him as though he’s made up of sunshine and warm sand. He probably is—to everyone else. I swallow down the bitterness in my mouth and ignore the sharp twinge in my chest as he sees me and returns to the police officer as if I don’t exist, until finally he squeezes the woman’s arm lightly and crosses to me.

“What’s the report?”

He’s smooth and cool and distant with that same undercurrent of distaste that cuts into me.

My eyes burn but I square my shoulders and go over everything I’ve learned, trying for the same smooth coolness as Travis.

“What I thought,” he says. “I’m gonna be busy helping the fire department clear the roads, so I need you to head over to the school with the rest of the dispatchers and set up a temporary shelter for those who have nowhere else to go.” His gaze slides over me and I barely withhold a shiver. “That all?”

I suck in a breath and step back. “No. Yes. I mean, that’s all. Just… be safe out there tonight. That’s it.”

He’s already half-turned away from me, like he can’t wait to be rid of me. And he probably can’t. Travis no doubt has a million things to coordinate and important people to talk to and… Oh, shit, I have to ask.

“Do you know when they’re going to open up the island for traffic?”

He stops and slowly faces me again with a shrug. “Sheriff says it’s probably not going to be until morning at the earliest.”

“Oh. Okay.” I swallow hard. I can do this. It’s fine. There are others in actual emergency situations from this storm, unlike me. So what if I can’t get home? It’s just a night.

No different to countless others I’d spent as a child, before my grandparents tracked me down and by then I’d been a teen, and—

It’s just a night in the school gym. That’s all. Not a night on the streets.

Without another word, I walk away, knowing he’s already forgotten me. And I throw myself into my work.

As the other dispatchers and I make our way to the school, the rain drives into me, the wind pushing me. By the time I reach the gym, I remove my soaked hoodie and help set up tables, bottles of water, and everything the county’s Emergency Management Agency had stocked for the people who will need shelter.

I make a mental note to tell Margot, the EMA director for the county, that she’s a badass.

Most residents are used to Maine’s storms and can shelter in place at home. But there are tourists and out-of-towners trapped by the storm who need shelter for the night. It’s a solid few hours before I can catch my breath, and when I do, and those who aren’t working leave, I mill about, having nothing to do.

I sigh softly and settle on a bench away from others as I pull my phone from my pocket.

Who do I have to call? No one’s looking for me or worried about me. Worse, my phone sits silent in my hand, not a single missed call or text. And I can’t stop it as my thoughts drift back to Travis.

He dismissed me like I was nothing, and as much as I hate to admit it, that hurt. It’s stupid, but I want Travis to like me. We work together, so liking your colleagues makes things easier, better, even if it’s only on the surface. But he can’t even be nice when we’re stuck in a shitty situation.

I didn’t even do anything wrong.

The day we met, he didn’t even look at me. He just walked away as soon as my friend and ex-roommate, Maya, and I met up with him and Brian, another deputy, at the sheriff’s barbeque, and things had gone downhill after that.

When I started working for the county sheriff’s department in dispatch, Travis made it his personal mission to make sure I was miserable every day he was there by ignoring me, being dismissive, and plain old walking away when I started talking.

Jesus, he wouldn’t even answer me on the radio until his supervisor stepped in and told him that he had to pull his head out of his ass or get suspended. Life in the last year was already complicated as it was, and his actions only made it harder.

After Maya went through hell and almost died, I was the one to clean up the blood. Literally. I replaced the bed, scrubbed the carpets, and even painted the walls three times to make sure everything was taken care of. But there was nothing we could do to erase the memory of everything that happened. It lived and breathed under the paint and new bed.

I closed the door to the room after Maya moved out and never opened it again.

I should move, but the house is the only thing I was left with after my grandparents died. They meant so much to me in such a short space of time. So I keep the house. I keep the only home I’ve ever known.

Even with everything that happened within those walls.

And Maya… I wasn’t there when Maya was hurt, and I could have saved my friend the terror and pain if I’d been home. Of course no one can ever know that. It’s my secret, my burden to carry. But it keeps me up at night, gives me nightmares.

Worse, small sounds become a dark monster in the shadows. The flash of a headlight becomes a glint of a knife in the darkness. But it’s all in my head. All from the guilt and the knowledge of my failures, all fed by the nightmares.

Knowing doesn’t make anything easier for me.

Knowing doesn’t make anything go away.

And now, because of the storm, I’ll have to sleep in a gym with a bunch of other people who will hear any noise that I make.

Shit. I can’t dwell. It will only make things worse. Instead, I stare down at my silent phone.

There still aren’t any missed calls or texts or even email or social media notifications. Being alone normally isn’t bad, mostly, but at times like this… Someone waiting at home for me, worrying about me, needing me. Even a dog or a cat would be preferable to the silence that I know is going to greet me when I finally make it home.

It might chase the demons away, rid me of that haunted feeling of being watched at odd moments. The feeling that comes from guilt and loneliness and who knows what.

And being here in the gym brings that all slamming down onto my shoulders again.

I need a change. Maybe after we finish picking up the pieces from this storm, I can go to the animal shelter and adopt a dog or a cat. Not a dog. Dogs need time and exercise. Cats are easier to take care of. My eyes burn, and a pressure pushes against them, the tears I hate to admit I’m on the verge of, threaten to fall. I blink hard. If only I could be hard and cold like Travis, then maybe I’d never cry again.

But right now, I can’t stop it, can’t stop the spill of the tears, and with a gulp of air, I swipe them away. They refuse to stop.

Turning away from everyone else, I pretend to be engrossed with my phone while I struggle to get myself back under control.

It gets so bad that I have to press a hand against my mouth to keep from gasping.

The tears finally begin to stop just as a familiar low, rich voice says, “There you are. I need you.”

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new release – never too late

Never Too Late is here! Never Too Late
A Second Chance Romantic Suspense
Tropes:
Coming Home
Age Gap
Tragic Pasts
Smexy Smex
https://geni.us/NeverTooLatea

Blurb:
The only mistake I made was walking away instead of facing the man whose heart I broke.
I ran away from the life I wasn’t ready for, and in the process, lost everything I wanted.
I tried to move on and failed epically.
There’s no moving on from Jake Findlay.
Even if he thinks I have.
Now that I’m home, I’ve got to fight my own battles and prove that I’m all grown up.
Even if it means letting him in to break me all over again. read Never Give Up now

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new release – never give up

Never Give Up is here!

Today’s the day, and I’m beyond nervous – anxious – and excited all rolled into one.

That means I’ll be laying low with a glass of wine (yep that’s me – wine drinker) tonight, and trying my best to stay away from reading reviews.

I will, however, be around to chat if you want!

AND BEFORE I FORGET

Make sure to get your copy while the price is only 0.99.

read Never Give Up now

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I don’t do this…

I don’t know how to do this…

So, if you didn’t see my previous post – you can check it HERE.

But essentially, I fucked up. When I sent out my review copies of Never Give Up, I did NOT include an itemized trigger warning page. I put in a general content warning. (Screenshots below). I should have put the full list. When I found out that readers were thinking it didn’t have a full list for the book… I needed to fix it. I wanted to make sure that they knew I did not do anything intentionally to harm my reviewers, and that I would make sure moving forward, all reviewers received the full list of trigger warnings that would appear in the final copy of the book.

What you’re going to see below is all of the chaos that happened after… culminating in someone sending me a disturbing message insinuating that I should kill myself. (Screenshot included toward the bottom of this post).

Friday : 11:43am – sent video #1 addressing a review that specifically mentioned a trigger warning. (I’ve blacked out the name and covered any faces in screenshot because I don’t want to invade reader space)

Friday after that : I don’t have a screenshot of it because it was sent via Snapchat and honestly it wasn’t a thought to get a screenshot – I was sent the video of someone stitching the original video talking about trigger warnings. I was on the phone with another author and said “I have to address this hold on” and recorded a video.

Friday : 2:00pm I posted my video to TT showing the trigger warnings and engaged with everyone I saw who commented on it – making sure that everyone was told that I never intended to disrespect my review readers at all and that I am going to do better. (Screenshot showing the download that TT automatically saved in my phone of the original video)

Friday at 5:31pm I even tried to message one of them to thank them again for their candor and how their comment hit right where it should, because I didn’t even know I needed it to. It never sent because AS I WAS sending the message… I was blocked (screenshot showing the time and content of my message to them)

I got off the phone at that point to attend a benefit dinner that started at 5:30 pm (I was late) for a friend of mine IRL who is battling breast cancer. And was there until just before 10 pm.
When I got home, and back on the phone, my TT video had been removed. Anyone between 5:31 pm and when it was removed who commented – I did not see or get a chance to engage with. I want to make it very clear — I have NOT gone looking for content/videos/anything related to this at all. Any information I have been told is being told to me from third parties. The screenshot below is of my video removal, which is still sitting in pending review as of the time of this blog creation on 1.17.23.

On Saturday morning, I posted to my USUAL social media platforms (I use TT to make videos about books and that’s it – nothing serious or venting at all)

AND on those platforms, I apologized to my review readers. I have a review group, a fan group, and a business page – that received the post. These readers, many of them have been with me since I started publishing in 2016. They’ve stood by me through genre changes, pen name changes, and the suicide of two of my siblings. They’ve become so much more than JUST reviewers. So the thought that my actions in not including them with the full trigger warning might have hurt them… was devastating. (This apology is covered in depth in my previous blog post… again you can find it HERE). I am including the screenshots of my message to readers as well as the content warning and trigger warnings mentioned just for the sake of transparency.

Instagram and TT were cross-posted to later that night after spending the day with IRL friends and getting their opinions, and then driving home in very bad weather conditions… the posts were then posted HESITANTLY because some of the comments on my video and what I’d learned on Friday was to respect reader space and not invade. But I decided to make the same post there again to be transparent and accountable to readers and to my brand. Owning my mistake. Apologizing to my reviewers. Letting them know that I will do better.

No excuses. Nothing. Literally —- I want to do better, and this is going to help me learn how to engage with my reviewers moving forward. With my readers.

I could make excuses about how I have not published at all in 2022. How I’ve been rebuilding my brand and focusing on my family healing after losing multiple members due to suicide and drugs and death in the last 12 months. I did not. I owe readers more than that. I owe them my accountability. So I stand by the fact that there is no excuse. I made a mistake and it will not happen again. 

After that, I made sure to engage with everyone who commented on my post, in my space. I did not go out seeking anyone at all. I’ve intentionally avoided Tiktok except to check my notifications so that I could engage in MY SPACE. On my post.

On 1.16.23, at 9:54 pm I received a message that will be the screenshot below. Someone telling me that I should take myself out of the world. I have no words.

I’ve lost two siblings to suicide. I don’t bully. I don’t do passive aggressive. I don’t do anything that I don’t mean. I don’t do anything that I know is going to harm or hurt someone else. I don’t do —- whatever is happening here. 

If you’ve made it this far… You should know that about 99% of the content in this blog post was put on my TikTok in the form of photos, including screenshots. And my post was removed for violating community guidelines. 

I owned my mistake. I should have included a complete list of trigger warnings for my advance reviewers. I did not. Moving forward, I will make sure that I do.

The post I don’t do this… appeared first on Rue Lennox.

Let’s talk about safe spaces

Let’s talk about safe spaces This is a story of how i fucked up… and how i wanted to fix it.

In both of these photos, I was mid panic attack and in a depressed spiral. Now, with the subject line you may ask… Why is this so important? In the larger photo, you can see the stress and panic and exhaustion on my face. That was taken the day after my step-brother died via suicide less than a year ago. I don’t remember what was going on, but no doubt it was someone trying to check on me and make sure that I wasn’t losing my mind. (I absolutely was).

The second, smaller picture, you can’t see my face. But I was mid-depression spiral here. Unable to write. Unable to focus on anything because my family was still a wreck that I couldn’t hope to help pick up the pieces.

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?

Because, to understand why I’m able to make the promise I give everyone in my life, you have to understand who I am as a person. I’m autistic, come from an abusive upbringing, and struggle every single day of my life with the kind of soul-crushing anxiety that most people will never imagine, let alone experience.

What’s that promise? The one I make with my platform?

I will never bully anyone. I will never shame anyone. I don’t do it. Flat out. I will never and would never intend to hurt another person using words, or my actions, unless it’s in defense of my loved ones. I KNOW this for a fact, because I’ve lost multiple siblings to suicide. Mental health issues rum rampant in my family. I do NOT enter any situation with the intent to hurt, or shame, or anything of the like.

I’m ALSO a very private person.So, why am I sharing this with the entire internet?

Because recently, there was an issue on a social media platform. I have a new release coming soon, and the review copies have gone out to reviewers. Not only have they gone out to the reviewers that I’ve had for years, but my assistant has also been helping to find reviewers on instagram and tiktok who are new to my brand and new name.

In the review copy, I put a standard content warning, which you can see below. (and keep reading because I go on underneath)

Never Give Up is by FAR the darkest book that I’ve written. In fact, it’s a toned down rewrite of my very first book, ever. In my excitement to get it to reviewers, not once at all did it occur to me that what I was trying to say would get miscontrued.

What I was Trying to say was

There are situations in this book that may be triggering for some readers.

Period. End of story. I didn’t have a full trigger list in it. And I should have. There’s not an excuse for it whatsoever, with today’s climate and the expectations of readers as a whole, I should have been more aware.

Now, while that was what went out in my review copies (and you can see that it says that it’s the advance review copy in the text there, the final copy of Never Give Up DOES have a full list of trigger warnings.

So – fast forward a few days into the new year, and reviews are starting to come in via social media platforms. YAY, right? Well, as anyone who happens to read and review knows… sometimes reviews are negative.

That’s PERFECTLY FINE! Keep that in mind.

I am one of the weird authors that doesn’t mind getting negative reviews. It helps me see where I need to grow as an author. That’s not what this post is about. This post is about something else.

So, I woke up and got to work and received a message that afternoon from a friend/author, letting me know about a negative video/review on TT about Never Give Up, but I couldn’t see it. (No big deal – I’ll just go look at it from my backup non-author account) and what got me (and honestly the ONLY THING I CARED ABOUT) in the review, was that the reviewer said that there are no Trigger Warnings.

CUE THE PANICKED BREATHING.

Because about ten minutes later, I was sent ANOTHER video, this time from a READER, telling me that someone had stitched the first reviewer’s TT with another message. At which point, in my mind, I need to address this.

THIS IS WHERE I FUCKED UP

I recorded a video, dueting the stitch that the second person made. To me, I was trying to let them know “Hey, this is an oversight. I do have trigger warnings in the final copy of the book. I would never want to hurt my readers. And you can always come to me with any questions, concerns, anything like that.” I told them what my review copy had in it for the content warning, but also showed them what you see below – the actual trigger warning page. I wasn’t trying to do anything in a dick-way.

(also keep reading because there’s more)

That’s not how it came across… 

What it came across to them, was like I was trying to invade their platform, remove their safe space, and take away their voice. That I was intentionally hurting them. 

That was not my intent. 

 I understand, better than most, I think, what the effects of bullying are. What people who are bullied, harmed, or hurt are capable of. What happens when people feel like they don’t have a safe space. I know this because I’ve lost two siblings to suicide. Two of the people I love most in the world felt like they’d had everything stripped away from them to the point that they took their own lives. Like I said before, I would never intentionally do anything at all to hurt anyone, let alone the readers who literally make my career possible. 

Over the next few hours, it blew up. In the mix of authors commenting in support, there were also readers who threw the red flag saying that it was the wrong thing to do. And then Tiktok removed my video. In the midst of learning that my reviewers may think that I intentionally hurt them, I immediately went to the platform that I’ve used the longest, FB and put a post in my review group, my reader group, and my author page to make sure that my readers and reviewers – the readers that I have a connection with that goes back years, know that I did not intend to hurt them. And then I put the same message up on TT in a video and image format, along with my instagram page. 

 

But in the midst of this, there are people who think I tried to hurt a reader. That I tried to take away someone’s safe space. That I would intentionally carve out a hole in that area for myself just so that I could push where they did not want to be pushed. 

Nothing I say or do will take that hurt away from them.  And I would never invalidate their feelings. 

I just want to make sure that I also allow myself a safe space. A place that I can tell what I was trying to do. A place where nothing can be misconstrued or misunderstood.

Just like our readers deserve a safe space to talk about their feelings, so do we as authors. Because we’re people too. 

 

Written by Let’s talk about safe spaces

This is a story of how i fucked up... and how i wanted to fix it.In both of these photos, I was mid panic attack and in a depressed spiral. Now, with the subject line you may ask... Why is this so important? In the larger photo, you can see the stress and panic and...

read more Never Give Up Chapter One

Read the first chapter of Never Give Up by Rue Lennox exclusively here on Rue’s website. If you’re seeing this anywhere else, it’s fake!

read more Never Give Up is coming soon

Never Give Up is coming soon and now on preorder! I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS STORY What are you going to see in this massive rewrite? Damaged heroes ✔️Broken heroines ✔️Hot sex ✔️Single father✔️ He says there can never be anything between us… but I still want him....

read more

The post Let’s talk about safe spaces appeared first on Rue Lennox.

Never Give Up Chapter One

Never Give UpChapter One Maya

Everything in my brain screams to keep my mouth shut before I utter words I can’t take back.

Brian Miller, the only man with the power to break me, wears the same expressionless mask he puts on when dealing with suspects.

That expression tells me everything.

It cracks my carefully built resolve.

My palms grow clammy and my fingers tremble against the table like I am drumming a tune without a name, yet I can’t look away from the man who holds my heart in his hand.

“Please, Maya.” Brian’s words betray the blank stare in his eyes, thick with emotion for a fraction of a second. “Don’t.”

I touch Brian’s arm, needing… Shit, I don’t know what I need, but I can’t let it end like this.

His “don’t” speaks volumes.

Don’t ruin this.

Don’t say something that can’t be taken back.

Don’t change the status quo.

But keeping everything to myself isn’t working. It’s slowly eating through my soul until even working with him is becoming almost unbearable.

And our friendship?

I need that to exist after I tell him.

No. That’s a lie. I need more than friendship. I need him to tell me how he feels. To confirm that it isn’t all in my head. But if he doesn’t, if I’ve built everything between us like a house of cards during a hurricane, then…

I swallow the rock in my throat and gather the tiny bit that’s left of my courage.

His shifting expression steals my last piece of confidence. His dim eyes break my thinning hope. The unspoken affection I’ve held on to in the dark night when I pretend—fantasize—I might mean as much to him as he means to me.

His blue eyes hold nothing but regret.

Tears sting and blur my vision, but I blink them back. Crying isn’t an option. “Brian—”

“If you say it, we can’t go back.” He cuts me off. “Right now, we can stay where we are. Where it’s safe.” Brian’s promise is almost worse than the rejection on his face. “But if you say the words, the ones swimming in your eyes, there’s nothing left. Don’t you want to keep it safe?”

I don’t want safe. I want—

“I want more.”

There.

I say them. Three little words that give him the power to destroy me, not that he even needs them.

“I can’t give you anything, Maya.” Brian brushes his fingers down my face, sliding a strand of my long hair out of the way as his eyes finally find mine. “I thought you knew that. That you understood… I’m not the one for you.”

We’ve never done anything but talk and share in the misery that’s torn apart both of our lives.

But he’s been the only one to see me.

“There can’t be anything between us, Maya.” His words cut through the fog overtaking my brain as his touch lingers.

Brian drops his hand and steps back, sealing the coffin on my hopes of a future between us.

“Why?”

“The boys are all I have left. All I can give my attention to.” He steps toward the door separating the kitchen from the rest of the Birch County Sheriff’s Department. “They’re my life.”

With that, the man of my dreams turns and walks away, taking my broken heart with him.

If I’d kept my mouth shut, the streaks of hot pain wouldn’t be slashing through me and making my heart ache all over again.

If I’d kept my mouth shut, he’d never have said those things. Never said we couldn’t go back.

If I’d just kept my mouth shut, I would be a coward.

I lost him. In all the ways that matter.

Just because I want him.

And I had to be stupid enough to tell him.

The tears burning my eyes, blurring my vision, and clogging my throat begin to fall moments after the patrol room door closes.

No.

I’m not about to sob and break because of a man.

Taking a deep and jagged breath to steady the emotions swirling through my body, I wipe my face and stand on suddenly shaky feet.

What the hell is wrong with me?

As the tears dry and I regain control of my emotions, I shake my head.

“Men suck.” My words echo through the empty room.

Poppy looks at me above the computer screens when I make my way back to the dispatch room, her curly red hair unkempt like always. “You told him, didn’t you?”

I nod and take my seat at my side of the computer station.

“You know he’s still in the building, right?” Poppy’s concern permeates the air. “I warned you. He’s a hot mess and you deserve better.”

Before I can speak, the patrol room door slams open, echoing as it hits the wall behind us, and the booming voice of the lieutenant on duty hits us as he storms in.

“What do you mean, you can’t find him?” He practically roars. “He’s driving a bright-yellow car! It can’t be that hard to find a drunk man driving that monstrosity.” The lieutenant’s face starts to turn red like a three-year-old having a temper tantrum, and there is only one deputy in the office for him to take it out on.

“Bill, he’s driving a cab. Of course he’s going to be able to get away. It’s the middle of tourist season and the roads are packed,” Brian says, following him through the office toward dispatch.

I know that placating tone. The one he’s used on suspects and calming his lieutenant’s bad attitude. The same one he used on me in the kitchen only a few minutes before.

It’s the same voice I dream about at night, being used in a completely different way.

Not that it matters.

Not anymore.

“Just tell dispatch to get Serenity Harbor PD on it.” With that, Bill slams his office door on the other side of the wall connecting dispatch to the rest of the sheriff’s department.

A few seconds of blissful quiet follow that, but I’m not calm. In fact, my heart starts to race because I know what’s coming. And I am abso-fucking-lutely not ready to see his face. The sound of footsteps grow even when I’m screaming in my head for him to leave. I don’t turn; I don’t do anything. I just stare at my blank computer screen and listen to him breathe right behind me for what feels like an eternity.

“Hey.” He finally breaks the awkward silence and clears his throat. “Did you call—”

“Yup,” Poppy cuts him off. “We heard him. But we also know how to do our jobs.” The sarcasm practically drips from her voice.

“Thanks. I’m headed out.” But he doesn’t move. And one minute turns into two, with him still standing there.

My cheeks start to burn with the realization that he is watching me, waiting for me to acknowledge him.

“Ten-four, see you later.” Poppy’s vibrant cheer is strong enough to scare anyone.

He sighs behind me, muttering something under his breath as he leaves.

Me? I just sit there, finally able to catch a full breath because I didn’t have to relive the worst humiliation of my life like I was a freshman in high school all over again.

“Come on, Maya. You can get over this. Over him.”

I find a smile even though all I want to do is lay my head down on the table and cry. “Over what? He’s just a… friend. I don’t even really want him.”

Poppy’s brows rise, calling me on the lie.

“Hiya, Maya? Crazy lady trying to lie to me here? It’s me. We both know he’s the only one you talk to besides me.” Poppy’s famous Irish attitude rears its head, and it’s only a matter of time before she explodes and throws a pen at me or something. “So don’t lie to me about it being a crush or you not really wanting him.”

“Bill’s still in the office. I don’t want to talk about this.” Heat continues burning my cheeks and I stare at my keyboard.

“Just… You deserve more, Maya. And one day very soon, like our next off-shift, we’re getting drinks and we’re going to vent about this shit.”

I can’t say anything to Poppy, even if I did know what to say to her, because our emergency phone line blares to life with an ear-splitting ring. For the next few hours, we are beyond busy taking medical calls, logging traffic stops by deputies, and handling everything else that comes up. I don’t even have a chance to go to the bathroom, let alone think about the fact that I lost my best male friend and the only man I wanted to be with in one fell swoop.

Still, when the lines go quiet, all I can do is think, what if I kept my mouth shut?

Before I can get very deep in my thoughts, the emergency phone rings again.

“9-1-1, what is the address of the emergency?” My brain flips to professional mode as I handle the call.

The hours tick by slowly, until our relief shows up just before shift change.

“Come on, girl, hurry up before the sun gets us.” Poppy’s already up and walking out the door before I can sign out of my computer. “You walking home again?”

With a nod, I wave her off and start the short journey home with nothing but the thoughts I’d been trying to ignore all night as my company.

Brian smiling at me while I trained on codes and call types.

Our late-night conversations about his boys and the life he wanted for them.

The friendship and advice we passed back and forth about failed relationships and what we wanted in the future.

My heart and mind play a cruel game with me, making it impossible to think of anything else while the minutes slip by.

I take my time walking the mile to my house, enjoying the brisk air and the chance to clear my mind. Living so close to work makes it easy to save gas money in the summer, and I love the quiet that comes with the time alone.

As our driveway looms ahead of me, something isn’t right. Stopping in my tracks, I stare at the closed door and the open window to its side, clearly showing the couch through the glass.

The living room light is on.

Brandi, my roommate, doesn’t just leave the light on. She’s obsessed with making sure that no one can see into our windows at night while we’re sleeping.

Slowly, I make my way inside, suspicion clouding my mind and making every horror movie I’d ever seen start to play through my mind at the same time. Until I see the bright-pink piece of paper stuck to our fridge.

Out for the night.

Don’t forget to turn off the light.

-B

Why she couldn’t have sent a text was beyond me, but there it is, written on the fridge.

“Thanks for the heart attack.” I roll my eyes and smile at the panic attack I’d almost given myself.

Like an older sister, Brandi watches my back, making sure that I get taken care of when I’m too lazy or tired to take care of myself.

Exhaustion and the need for sleep propel me up the stairs toward my bedroom. But at the top of the landing, I go completely still.

My bedroom.

The door is open.

I always close it because of Brandi’s cat, and Brandi never goes into my room.

The suspicion returns tenfold, slamming through my body until every single one of my nerve endings feel like they’re on fire.

The light above my head burns brighter.

The smell of the air freshener fills my lungs.

I hear every rasping breath my body inhales, like a choking sob that can’t escape.

And I feel the goosebumps creep along my skin, making the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

The house creaks.

The house, or a footstep?

My heart hammers as I stay still, listening as cold panic whispers inside me, demanding action.

I’m not alone.

Run.

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Never Give Up is coming soon

Never Give Up

is coming soon and now on preorder!

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS STORY

What are you going to see in this massive rewrite?

Damaged heroes ✔️
Broken heroines ✔️
Hot sex ✔️
Single father✔️

He says there can never be anything between us… but I still want him.

Devastation and devotion are two sides to the same coin, and Brian Miller flips the coin to my heart without even trying.

He thinks he’s not good enough—that I deserve better than a damaged single father.

But his demons can’t be any worse than the one stalking my every move in our small town—the one no one can bring to justice.

Despite the age difference between us, I’m not a little girl, and I know the truth. Brian will never forgive himself for not being there when I needed him most.

But he’s the only man who can rescue me now.

Remember, it will only be available on retailers other than Amazon for a limited time. Then it will be put into Kindle Unlimited.

PREORDER ONLY PRICING OF 0.99

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small town summer nights

Small Town Summer Nights

The always stunning and beautiful Kennedy Fox duo was generous enough to put together a small collection of ten full-length ABSOLUTELY FREE stories. And I, little ol’ Rue Lennox, was blessed enough to participate. So what are you waiting for? Click the clickie and get your free copy of this collection before it’s gone foreverrrrrr!!!!

grab SMALL TOWN SUMMER NIGHTS free

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