N. Ford's Blog, page 3
September 18, 2023
life. Unchained. oh no fomo
one of the reasons people offer when i ask them why they use social media is they don’t want to miss out. i’m sure you’ve heard it called ‘fomo’ or ‘fear of missing out’. when people respond with this, i follow up with another question: ‘what are you afraid you’re missing?’.
most of the time, blank stares run across the faces of the responders. every now and again someone will comment about wanting to stay connected to family or keep in touch with people who live far away (more on both of these in a later entry), but most of the time – blank stares.
i think the reason people don’t know what they’re afraid of missing is that they aren’t sure what value socials offers them. in reality, what is missed if we spend a few days off socials? what is missed if we spend a few weeks off socials? what is missed if we spent a year off socials?
really consider the answer to this.
if we count the time spent planning, recording, editing, and posting our own content, and then count the time we spend consuming others’ content, i imagine you’re paying a pretty penny of time into socials every day, so let me posit a more relevant question.
what are you missing while you’re on socials?
i wonder if the greater loss is not what’s missed while we’re off socials (e.g. friend and family updates, what someone wore, how someone is reacting to a viral meme, or if the cat can tie the shoe or not). i wonder if the greater loss, the much greater loss, is what’s missed while we’re on socials.
i wonder if our fomo is incorrectly placed.
what of missing time with our parents; our siblings; our friends; our family; the neighbor; our children. what of missing what we were made to do because we spent our time consuming instead of creating? what of missing our purpose, missing opportunities to change our corners of the world, or missing the beauty of the life we’ve been given? what if what we should be fearing is the disappearing sand in our life timers while we let tiktok roll on and on?
not one of us can escape the inevitable end of our days, and i can’t help but think that at the end of these generations’ lives if people will look back and say, ‘why did i spend so much time on youtube?’; ‘why did i care so much about my insta followers?’; ‘why did i waste so much time on snap?’.
i shared at the beginning of this that my goal was not to convert you to my way, but instead share the freedom i experience in life without social media. and in this space, in the space of the ‘fomo’, i have deep, abiding freedom.
while i watch people sit at restaurants with their faces in their phones, or watch people take and retake photos and then scramble to post them, or while i watch people stop at red lights and immediately take out their phones to check the stories, i don’t experience ‘fomo’. i’m not worried about what i’m missing or feel like i’m being left out, because i don’t think it’s me who’s missing out.
i’m free from the fear of missing out, and i’m free from missing out.
life out from behind the screen is beautiful and brutal and ever-changing, and i love it here.
is life out from behind the screen the right thing for you? only you can answer that. it’s not mine to tell you one way or the other, but it is mine to share the freedom i have from ‘fomo’ and i want you to have too – if you want it.
maybe the answer isn’t in cutting socials out entirely. maybe it’s taking a break and experimenting with what you experience when you’re away from the screen for a while… away from the expectations of the hungry bot; away from the nasty mag that turns its focus on you at every opportunity… away from the fear of missing out. because sweet fam, you won’t be the one missing anything.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. oh no fomo first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
September 16, 2023
life. Unchained. 3. nasty mag
a quick google search will tell you all about the rapidly growing rates of depression and anxiety occurring today, and it seems to be getting worse.
though something such as this will be due to several contributing factors, social media has been identified as one of the primary contributors of the problem.
what is it about socials that gives them so much power over our mental health?
is it the hours behind the screen? the never-ending scroll and mindless consumption? is it the unfiltered hatred, bullying, and negativity that can be so prevalent in the content or comments?
maybe it’s our inability to view others’ posts and not compare our lives to theirs.
maybe it’s constantly seeing what we are missing. or seeing posts that cause us to ask questions like ‘why don’t i get to have that?’; ‘why isn’t my life that interesting?’; ‘why don’t i look like that?’; ‘why wasn’t i invited?’; or ‘why do they have so many followers?’
it may not pop off the screen at you, but there is one common theme among those reactions and questions, and i think it is the thing that gives social media the power it has over our mental health.
YOU are the focus.
the heart of our every interaction with social media is a demanding and dominant self-focus. first it occurs in our posting, then in the reactions to what we’ve posted, and once again when we consume what others have posted.
when we’re posting: when we’re thinking about what to post, taking picture after picture, video after video, to attractively present what we want others to consume, and thinking about what humor, insight, or quip to use in order to get attention, we are the center of our efforts and thoughts. a great magnifying glass of self-centeredness is lowered down on top of our heads, and it blows us up with its unrelenting self-awareness. how do i look? is the filter right? did i capture enough interesting content for the timeline? am i funny? am i appealing? even in the self-deprecating efforts of some to be ‘real’ and ‘authentic’ and share all the hardships of the day or the real talk about the struggles, the focus is still inward. social media is still magnifying ‘self’ over everything else. in the reactions to what we’ve posted: when we’re watching for the reactions of what we’ve posted, the magnification of self only grows. do they like it? how many likes? how many comments? how many shares? if there’s positivity around the reactions, we’re getting endorphin hits. if there’s negativity, or even worse – silence, we feel a certain way about that as well. either way, the concern is self-related, self-focused, self-concerned. it’s again, the unrelenting magnifying glass right in front of our faces.when we consume what others post: when we’re consuming what other people post, social media is still holding that merciless mag over us, because though it may be true that we’re seeing, watching, and learning about others, we are – consciously or unconsciously – holding their image up next to our own. they look better than us. they look worse than us. they have more than us. they have less than us. they’re experiencing things, doing things, making things we’re not. we’re experiencing things, doing things, making things they’re not. their posts are more engaging, lovely, interesting, funny, or they’re not. any way we land, we’re taking someone and comparing to ourselves, determining where we stand among the populace. where we rank. in what ways we’re winning or losing. and the focus remains, as it has ever since we picked up our phones – on ourselves.i was walking samson on a sunday afternoon. he’s getting old so we walk slowly. the sun was shining, small fluffy clouds loosely littered a blue blanket of sky, the breeze was luscious and smelled full of a late summer’s bounty.
as we neared the bottom of a hill i saw a young girl. she was eight years old. she wore small shorts and had her shirt pulled up and tied at her breastbone, exposing her belly and back. an iphone was propped against the bottom of a tree to capture her performing a dance routine. she recorded, ran to watch it, and went back and did it again and again.
she didn’t see us for a while. we don’t make a lot of noise and like i said, we move slowly, so i watched this go on for a good few minutes before she noticed us.
what is interesting about this scene, and so indicative of our relationship with socials, is that as soon as she saw us, she spooked.
she stopped her routine, pulled her shirt down, rushed her phone into her pocket, and trained her eyes to the ground.
was she doing something wrong? of course not. i don’t think that’s what made her retreat.
i think what happened in her tiny, eight-year-old frame was the realization that i’d watched her be self-consumed. as any one of us would be embarrassed to watch ourselves back in our most self-centered moments, this is how she felt knowing i’d seen one of hers. it was like someone caught her talking to herself in the mirror or saw her admiring her own image in a shop window’s reflection.
after chatting with her, i found out that she was recording for a tiktok post. she wasn’t a dancer or working on an audition. she was a first grader who wanted to post a likeable video to her tiktok feed. she wanted attention. she wanted likes. she wanted to be noticed.
even at eight years old, her urgency and efforts were of self-concern.
i hate that our children care about their online presence before they are tall enough to ride space mountain. shouldn’t they just be worried about growing? and eating ice cream? and learning how to ride a bike? when our eight-year-olds are concerned about their posts and likes, it’s no great mystery why our twelve-year-olds are depressed and our sixteen-year-olds are suicidal. our children have learned that their worth and value and relevance originates and is won or lost in the responses to their timelines.
but that is a lie.
though he was one of many to write on the topic, the late, great tim keller writes a lot about self-forgetfulness. this is a rounder idea of humility. not thinking more or less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. herein lies the freedom of removing the magnifying glass that makes us so important in our own eyes and breaks the cursed thing. the act of putting down our cameras and turning our eyes outward so we can love someone else and encourage someone else is perhaps the cheapest and most effective medicine there is.
to be less concerned about being heard and more concerned about HEARING; less focused on teaching and be more concerned about LEARNING; not requiring to be understood but to instead revel in UNDERSTANDING… this is the freedom of self-forgetfulness.
it feels like relief. it washes over the soul in a refreshing relax. it’s a salve that does not stop soothing. forgetting our trouble to lend a hand to a neighbor is one of the easiest things in the world. i wonder if we could forget ourselves and turn our gaze outward for a few hours, if that may be the most critical therapy we need. if we could put down the tool that magnifies us so greatly and instead look at the people in front of us – the real people, with skin on, sitting next to us on the couch – we may start to feel better. not because of some mental magic, but because we’re relieving our minds of the work that it is to be us.
george macdonald wrote that ‘the dungeon is the man himself’ and that the grossest war is ‘a life lived for itself’.
the reason social media has the control that is has over our mental health is the fact that its every use causes us to focus on ourselves. our image, our presence, our influence, our likeability, our applause, our approval rates, our ranks, our statuses.
if you find yourself realizing that your engagement with socials impacts your mental health, i want to encourage you. you’re not alone and you have every ability to set yourself free. take a break, put socials on your laptop or desktop instead of your phone, or if you feel so moved – delete them all.
no matter your move, you will find that the world does not end and while the globe continues to spin, you may find your mind swimming in the freedom from the merciless nasty mag.
it’s not magic.
it’s just a choice.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 3. nasty mag first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. nasty mag
a quick google search will tell you all about the rapidly growing rates of depression and anxiety occurring today, and it seems to be getting worse.��
though something such as this will be due to several contributing factors, social media has been identified as one of the primary contributors of the problem.��
what is it about socials that gives them so much power over our mental health? ��is it the hours behind the screen?�� the never-ending scroll and the mindless consumption?�� is it the unfiltered hatred, bullying, and negativity that can be so prevalent in the content or comments?��
maybe it���s our inability to view others��� posts and not compare our lives with theirs.�� maybe it���s constantly seeing what we are missing. ��or seeing posts that cause us to ask questions like ���why don���t i get to have that?���; ���why isn���t my life that interesting?���; ���why don���t i look like that?���; ���why wasn���t i invited?���; or ���why do they have so many followers?���
it may not pop off the screen at you, but there is one common theme among those reactions and questions, and i think it is the thing that gives social media the power it has over our mental health.
YOU are the focus.
the heart of our interactions with social media is a demanding and dominant self-focus.�� first it occurs in our posting, then in the reactions to what we���ve posted, and again when we consume what others have posted.��
when we���re posting: when we���re thinking about what to post, taking picture after picture, video after video, to attractively present what we want others to consume, and thinking about what humor, insight, or smart quip to use in order to get attention, we are the absolute center of our efforts and thoughts. a great magnifying glass of self-centeredness is lowered down on top of our heads, and it blows us up with its unrelenting self-awareness.�� how do i look?�� is the filter right? did i capture enough interesting content for the timeline?�� am i funny? ��am i appealing?�� even in the self-deprecating efforts of some to ���be real��� and ���authentic��� and share all the hardships of the day or the real talk about the struggles, the focus is still inward.�� social media is still magnifying the self over everything else.��in the reactions to what we���ve posted: when we���re watching for the reactions of what we���ve posted, the magnification of self only grows.�� do they like it?�� how many likes?�� how many comments?�� how many shares?�� if there���s positivity around the reactions, we���re getting endorphin hits.�� if there���s negativity, or even worse ��� silence, we feel a certain way about that as well.�� either way, the concern is self-related, self-focused, self-concerned.��when we consume what others post: when we���re consuming what other people post, social media is still holding that merciless magnifying glass over us, because though it may be true that we���re seeing, watching, and learning about others, we���re holding their image up next to our own.�� they look better than us.�� they look worse than us.�� they have more than us.�� they have less than us.�� they���re experiencing things, doing things, making things we���re not.�� their posts are more engaging, lovely, interesting, funny, or they���re not.�� any way we land, we���re taking someone and comparing them to ourselves, determining where we stand among the populace.�� where we rank.�� in what ways we���re winning or losing.�� and the focus remains, as it has ever since we picked up our phones, on ourselves.��i was walking samson on a sunday afternoon.�� he���s getting old so we walk slowly.�� the sun was shining, small fluffy clouds loosely littered a blue blanket of sky, the breeze was luscious and smelled full of a late summer���s bounty.��
as we neared the bottom of a hill i saw a young girl.�� she was eight years old.�� she wore small shorts and had her shirt pulled up and tied at her breastbone, exposing her belly and back.�� an iphone was propped against the bottom of a tree to capture her performing a dance routine.�� she recorded, ran to watch it, and went back and did it again and again.��
she didn���t see us for a while.�� we don���t make a lot of noise and like i said, we move slowly, so i watched this go on for a good few minutes before she noticed us.��
what is interesting about this scene, and so indicative of our relationship with socials, is that as soon as she saw us, she spooked. ��she stopped her routine, pulled her shirt down, rushed her phone into her pocket, and trained her eyes to the ground.��
was she doing something wrong?�� of course not.��i don���t think that���s what made her retreat.��
i think what happened in her tiny, eight-year-old frame was the realization that i���d watched her be self-consumed.�� as any one of us would be embarrassed to watch ourselves back in our most self-centered moments, this is how she felt knowing i���d seen hers.�� it was like someone watched her practice a speech in front of a mirror or check herself out in a shop window���s reflection.��
after chatting with her, i found out that she was recording for a tiktok post.�� she wasn���t a dancer or working on an audition.�� she was a first grader who wanted to post a likeable video to her tiktok feed.�� she wanted attention.�� she wanted likes.�� she wanted to be noticed.�� at eight years old, her urgency was one of self-concern.��
i hate that our children care about their online presence before they are tall enough to ride space mountain. ��shouldn’t they just be worried about growing? ��and eating ice cream? ��and learning how to ride a bike? ��when our eight-year-olds are concerned about their posts and likes, it���s no great mystery why our twelve-year-olds are depressed and our sixteen-year-olds are suicidal.�� our children have learned that their worth and value and relevance originates, and is won or lost, in the responses to their timelines.��but that is false.��
it���s false for them.�� and it���s false for you.��
though he was one of many to write on the topic, the late, great tim keller writes a lot about self-forgetfulness.�� this is a rounder idea of humility.�� not thinking more or less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.�� herein lies the freedom of removing the magnifying glass that makes us so big in our own eyes and breaking the cursed thing.�� turning our eyes outward so we can love someone else, encourage someone else.�� to be less concerned about being heard and more concerned about HEARING. ��less focused on teaching and be more concerned about LEARNING. ��not feeling a great need to be understood and instead, to joy in UNDERSTANDING someone else.��
this is the freedom of blessed self-forgetfulness.��
it feels like relief.�� it washes over the soul in refreshing relax.�� it���s a salve that does not stop soothing.�� forgetting our trouble to lend a hand to a neighbor is one of the easiest things in the world to do.�� and i���m not picking on therapy, because there���s a time and a place and a real need for it, but i have to wonder if sometimes hours on hours on hours of self-reflection may at some point only make things worse.�� i wonder sometimes if we forgot ourselves and loved someone else for a few hours, if that may be the therapy we need.��
if we could only put down the tool that magnifies us so greatly and look at the people in front of us ��� the real people, with skin on, sitting next to us on the couch ��� if that may be the thing we need to feel better.�� to relieve our minds of the work that it is to be us.�� george macdonald wrote that ���the dungeon is the man himself���.�� he also wrote that the grossest war is life lived for itself.��
the reason social media has the control that is has over our mental health is the fact that it���s every use causes us to focus on ourselves.�� our image, our presence, our influence, our likeability, our applause, our approval rates, our rank, our status.��
if you find yourself realizing that your engagement with socials impacts your mental health, i want to encourage you. ��you’re not alone in that and you have every ability to set yourself free of it.�� take a break, put socials on your laptop or desktop instead of your phone, or if you���re brave enough – delete your accounts. ��
no matter your move, you will find that the world does not end.�� the globe continues to spin, your life will become far more interesting with your new free time, and your mental health will soar.��
it���s not magic.�� it���s just a choice. ��
it may be time to break the magnifying glass and see how it feels to forget yourself for a minute.��
this is life without social media.��
this is life. Unchained.��
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. nasty mag first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
September 14, 2023
life. Unchained. 2. hungry bot
i’ve been thinking about what we think we must do and what, in reality, we must do. the socially accepted norms we heed in order to feel relevant. the things we consume (e.g. art, television, feeds, status updates, stories, etc.) so we ‘know’ what’s going on in the world. the bloated calendars. the striving to meet whatever expectations we, or our culture, have determined are necessary.
when i consider life for what it is: birth, growth, love, relationship, belonging, purpose, work, refinement, death… i realize how little the rest matters. the fiction we present so others can consume it. the consumption of what others post. the feeling that we have to keep up. the unending striving to be noticed; accepted; promoted. the desire for relevancy. the desperation to ‘know’ what’s happening, to feel somehow ‘included’, to sweat for acceptance. it’s so much energy to gain what we already have, and yet here’s what we trade for it…
we ignore wisdom because we’re in a rush, or have a thing, or want to get something done. we push aside the joy of a child who just wants to engage with us because our faces are in our phones. we miss edifying conversations because we sit next to each other consumed by television or a feed or TikTok. we’ve come to the point where the most significant interaction we have with the people we say we love the most, is sharing a funny video/post we’ve discovered.
ow.
so often we decide not to invite people over because the house isn’t nice enough; there’s hardship we don’t want to expose; there’s a rift in the marriage or a hard child or something that doesn’t feel quite presentable – so we let presumed expectations be the author of our choices. and we miss people, engagement, community, and growth and instead posit fiction to a watching audience. and then there’s that pecking need to have something interesting to post. the expectations to look a certain way; present a certain story; position ourselves in a way that others find appealing.
there’s so much we decide we must do that we do not have to do, at all.
eight years ago i engaged with social media too. i did the posting thing. i felt the pressure to offer something noteworthy, likeable, shareable. i watched for the responses. i felt the expectation to keep it up – to be relevant and consumption worthy.
socials are a relentless beast, requiring you to be worthy and denying you any relief from expectation. they will not stop. they are going nowhere. they will pursue you, expect from you, and require from you every day you allow it.
here’s the good news: you don’t have to allow it.
you do not have to meet the expectations from the machine. let this truth settle into your soul…
you are already worthy.
there is no social expectation you must meet.
can you feel that?
i want so much for you to be free from the lie that tells you you’re only worth something if you’ve met your social quota for the day. there is nothing in that for you but chains.
maybe a break from the machine may open your eyes to the person across the table. maybe a little space could open your ears to the laughter of the child at your feet. maybe a pause from the scroll will lift the brick from your chest and allow you the deepest breath you’ve breathed in a while.
this project isn’t about convincing you to delete your accounts. it’s only my objective to share the freedom i experience in living life free from socials. and life. Unchained is life free of that odd, ever-present expectation to be something.
you already are something.
there’s nothing more for your striving.
if you take nothing else from reading this, receive that.
you are already something.
and no social presence or lack of social presence will change that. you owe the machine nothing.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 2. hungry bot first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. hungry bot
i’ve been thinking about what we think we must do and what, in reality, we must do. the socially accepted ‘norms’ we heed in order to feel relevant. the things we consume (e.g. art, television, feeds, status updates, stories, etc.) so we ‘know’ what’s going on in the world. the bloated calendars. the striving to meet whatever expectations we, or our culture, have determined are necessary for us.
when i consider life for what it is: birth, growth, love, relationship, belonging, purpose, work, refinement, death… i realize how little the rest matters. the fiction we present so others can consume it. the consumption of what others post. the feeling that we have to keep up. the unending striving to be noticed; accepted; promoted. the desire for relevancy. the desperation to ‘know’ what’s happening, to feel somehow ‘included’, to sweat for acceptance. so much energy to gain what we already have, and yet here’s what we trade for it…
we ignore the elderly person’s wisdom because we’re in a rush, or have a thing, or want to get something done. we push aside the joy of a child who just wants to engage with us because our faces are in our phones. we miss edifying conversations with friends or family because we sit next to each other consumed by television or a feed or TikTok. we’ve come to the point where the most significant interaction we have with the people we say we love the most, is sharing a funny video/post. ow.
so often we decide not to invite people over because the house isn’t nice enough; there’s hardship we don’t want to expose; there’s a rift in the marriage or a hard child or something that doesn’t feel quite presentable – so we let presumed expectations be the author of our choices. and we miss people, engagement, community, and growth and instead posit fiction to a watching audience. and what of the pecking need to have something to post? expectations to look a certain way; present a certain story; position ourselves in a way that others find appealing.
there’s so much we decide we must do that we do not have to do, at all.
eight years ago i engaged with social media too. i did the posting thing. i felt the pressure to offer something noteworthy, likeable, shareable. i watched for the responses. i felt the expectation to keep it up – to be relevant and consumption worthy.
socials are a relentless beast, requiring you to be worthy and denying you any relief from expectation. they will not stop. they are going nowhere. they will pursue you, expect from you, and require from you every day you allow it.
here’s the good news: you don’t have to do it. you do not have to meet the expectations from the machine. much more on this in the entries to come, but let this truth start to settle into your soul…
you are already worthy. there is no social media expectation you must meet.
can you feel that?
i want so much for you to be free from the lie that tells you you’re only worth something if you’ve met your social quota for the day. there is nothing for you in that but chains. but again, you are the only one who can set yourself free.
many of you are different than i and can still keep up a social presence and not feel expectation haunting you and if so, i applaud you. but if you are one that feels the pressure and watches the feeds, maybe a break is in order.
it may open your eyes to the person across the table. maybe a little space will open your ears to the laughter of the child at your feet. maybe a break from the scroll will lift the brick from your chest and allow you the deepest breath you’ve breathed in a while.
life unchained from socials is life free of that odd, ever-present expectation to be something.
you already are something. there’s nothing more for your striving.
if you take nothing else from your time reading than that, please receive it.
you are already something.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. hungry bot first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. 1. a wave from the other bank
i don’t think i’m better than you.
i don’t think i’m better than you because i’m not better than you.
it feels important for you to know that because for the entirety of this project i’m going to be explaining and, in some ways defending, a choice i make that is different from most of you. and different does not mean better. it just means different.
i don’t share this project to convert you to my way. i don’t share it for the sake of bolstering non-conformity. i don’t share it to be ‘right’, to be commended, or applauded. on the contrary, i have been called crazy, inauthentic, and ‘unwilling to be transparent’ because of this choice. i’ve been told i don’t truly believe these things, but instead use them as an excuse to hide, where it’s safe, where i can remain in the shadows.
i understand that what i posit in this counter-cultural pile of words is not common. it may sound unreasonable. it certainly isn’t mainstream. it’s definitely not popular.
but this topic has risen to the top of our interactions again and again. it’s the chapter of Dig that elicited the most emails and texts. it’s the thing people shared the most, cried over the most, and the topic that awakened hard questions and even harder conversations. because i think this is something people want, but don’t believe they can have. it’s a kind of freedom, and it’s a freedom unlike most others.
most freedoms are not the choice of the subject. one is held captive, or has something withheld from them, or is constrained, or is abused, and it is completely out of the subject’s control. it is unjust. it is a violence outside the one subjected to it.
this is not that.
this is a freedom readily available. one in which you alone hold the very key you seek.
let me be fair – i am assuming that you are chained and you may not be. it may be the case that at the end of reading you look around and say, ‘hey, i’m not chained. who do you think you are?”. if that’s you, wonderful. but if at the end, one human is just a little freer than before – my efforts will have been worth every strain.
i’ve sought to present this in a way that doesn’t feel condemning, but at the same time, may incite new questions in your soul. i don’t want you to feel criticized or judged, or that i for some reason think i have a say in the choices you make – i don’t. i simply feel an urgency to share my experience with you because it is a place of great freedom; it’s a source of deep stillness; it’s a wellspring of peace, and if you want it, i want you to have it too.
i fought the instinct to release this project for a long time, primarily out of fear. i know this stands against a universally accepted cultural norm. i know i’m the weird one out here. the sheer volume of rejections by publishers will prove that. but at the end of the day, my objective is to use the words i’m given as well as i can, and these are truths to my experience that i can no longer keep. so here it is:
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 1. a wave from the other bank first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. a wave from the other bank
i don’t think i’m better than you.
i don’t think i’m better than you because i’m not better than you.
it feels important for you to know that because for the entirety of this project i’m going to be explaining and, in some ways defending, a choice i make that is different from most of you. and different does not mean better. it just means different.
i don’t share this project to convert you to my way.
i don’t share it for the sake of bolstering non-conformity.
i don’t share it to be ‘right’, to be commended, or applauded. on the contrary, i have been called crazy, weird, inauthentic, and ‘unwilling to be transparent’ because of my choice. i’ve been told i don’t truly believe these things, but instead use them as an excuse to hide, where it’s safe, where i can remain in the shadows.
i understand that what i posit in this counter-cultural pile of words is not common. it may sound unreasonable. it certainly isn’t mainstream. it’s definitely not popular.
but this has risen again and again. it’s the chapter of Dig that elicited the most emails and texts. it’s the thing people shared the most, cried over the most, and the topic that awakened hard questions and even harder conversations. because i think this is something people want, but don’t believe they can have. it’s a kind of freedom, and it’s a freedom unlike most others.
most freedoms are not the choice of the subject. one is held captive, or has something withheld from them, or is constrained, or is abused, and it is completely out of the subject’s control. it is unjust. it is a violence outside the one subjected to it.
this is not that.
this is a freedom readily available. one in which you alone hold the very key you seek.
let me be fair – i am assuming that you are chained, and you may not be. it may be the case that at the end of this you look around and say, ‘hey, i’m not chained. who do you think you are?”. if that’s you, i’m so glad. but if at the end, one human is a little freer than before – my efforts will be worth every strain.
i’ve sought to present this in a way that doesn’t feel condemning, but at the same time, may incite new questions in your soul. i don’t want you to feel criticized or judged, or that i for some reason think i have a say in the choices you make – i don’t. i simply feel an urgency to share my experience with you because it is a place of great freedom; it’s a source of deep stillness; it’s a wellspring of peace.
and if you want it, i want you to have it too.
i fought the instinct to release this project for a long time, primarily out of fear. i know this stands against a universally accepted cultural norm. i know i’m the weird one out here. the sheer volume of rejections by publishers will prove that. but at the end of the day, my objective is to do what i was made to do as best i can, and these are truths to my experience that i can no longer keep. so here it is.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. a wave from the other bank first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
August 8, 2023
Impossible/Inevitable
I attended the Global Leadership Summit with my dad last week.
It was our seventh year going together, and honestly, they are two of my favorite days of the year, every year. There’s so much to be learned about how to lead well – especially in this day and age – and the only thing I know for sure is that it is not a game of perfection. It’s much more like a never-ending, always beckoning call to dive in and swim deeper.
The takeaways from this year’s summit are cut, dry, and hung like jerky to be gnawed on over the course of the coming weeks and months. I share them with you here for even the slimmest chance that you may also gain from them.
BE UNDAUNTED
The more the theme of being undaunted arose, the more I was reminded just how often scripture urges us not to be fearful. 365 times.
365 times. One command for each day of the year. “Do not fear.” Not a suggestion or a wish or a far-off hope, but a command.
Consider fear in the context of the self-doubt that will undoubtedly creep in and try to tell you that you’re unworthy; the nay-sayers who will proclaim that you can’t do what you’ve been given to do; the critics who will try to cut down what you’re pursuing, creating, or building; and the good ole logic, reason, and common sense arguments in your own mind that will try to be the tellers of your tales and the designers of your days.
Remaining undaunted in the face of fear is paramount.
And I truly believe that what you’ve been given to do is too important to be silenced by a liar such as fear.
DO IT NOW
The call to act now is one that never seems to go away.
Oswald Chambers wrote that once one hears the call of God and knows the mission he/she has been given, it haunts like a ghost until it’s being tended.
I know that truth right now in real time.
We have no idea what tomorrow’s circumstances may bring. Be them ease or drought, strain or flood. We must use our minutes with care, and I’m challenged in this every day. You’ll hear much more about this in the coming non-fic series Life Unchained, but for now, I wonder how this challenge will inform your choices today.
What do you know you’ve been asked to do that is haunting you like a ghost because you’re not acting on it yet?
DO NOT QUIT
Well, that’s pretty self-explanatory, isn’t it?
The temptation to give up is always there, like a little devil sitting on my shoulder telling me that what I’m doing isn’t worth the energy. Just yesterday I told a friend I’d like to do nothing more than drive to the beach and check out of life for the foreseeable future.
Quitting sounds so deliciously relaxing right now.
But then there’s that ghost of my calling, speaking into my other ear, telling me I was created for such a time as this, to create what He’s given me to create. To do what He’s asked me to do.
The war is real. The battle is on. Pray for me, as I do for you, that none of us, ever, gives up.
No one else can build what you can build. No one else can do what you can do. No one else can create what you can create. And I believe our world needs you. Specifically, you.
Condoleezza Rice spoke at the summit this year, and I heard her say something that will never leave my body. I share it in the hope that what she said encourages your next step.
She said,
“Our charge is to be undaunted; we must move forward, fearless; making the impossible seem inevitable in retrospect. And we must do it now.”
I don’t know what you were made to do.
Maybe you don’t know yet either, but you will. It took me the better part of thirty years to figure out, but I don’t think the time spent in understanding our calling is our greatest challenge.
I think our greatest challenge – our charge, as Rice put it – is to be undaunted, fearless, and relentless, first in the understanding of our callings; and then in our pursuits of them.
Not for us. Not for self-aggrandizement or self-actualization or philanthropy or altruism or legacy.
But for the pleasure of bringing glory to the One who created us to do it. He, the Great Artist, made every single one of us uniquely, distinctly for His glory. Therefore, the only you there is, was made for work that only you can do.
Let nothing stand in the way of our expressions of that.
More coming soon, but for now… here’s to losing sight of land.
-Nic
IG Artist @wherehappinesshappens
The post Impossible/Inevitable first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
June 23, 2023
Because Fiction Podcast
Because Fiction
Podcast Interview
Coming August 29, 2023
The post Because Fiction Podcast first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
Because Fiction Podcast Interview
Because Fiction
Podcast Interview
Coming August 2023
The post Because Fiction Podcast Interview first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
