N. Ford's Blog, page 2
December 31, 2023
life. Unchained. three t’s and legacies
i attended a funeral service for a man who passed away recently.
he lived a good, long, healthy life. he just got sick at the end with a nasty cancer that beat him to the finish line.
at the man’s service there were two things that stood out to me: the parade of men who spoke for him; and the way his spent his t’s.
let me start with the parade of men. there aren’t a lot of men i know who have true brotherhoods, but this guy had a slew of them. it wasn’t one man who was a close friend, it was nine. and that doesn’t happen by accident.
this dude fostered rich relationship with these guys, and as a result, nine men spoke at his funeral. nine men called him ‘brother’. nine men knew him so intimately they could tell stories about him from decades ago, and stories about him from the week before he died.
and then there are the t’s: time. talent. and treasure.
these are the things that each of has been given. they range from person to person, each individual unique in what we’re given. varying amounts of time we’ll get; varying talents and abilities we carry with us; varying resources.
at the funeral, the brotherhood didn’t cease commenting on how wisely, how carefully the deceased had spent his t’s. what he’d chosen to invest his time in – rich relationships, serving the community, traveling the world, and challenging his friends and family. what he’d chosen to do with his talents – creating, building, applying things only he could. how intentionally he’d spent his treasure – his resources.
in his departure from this world, the man left behind a tribe of people who knew him well, loved him deeply, and who were impacted by the way he chose to live. and in that impact, in his legacy, he drew people into quiet and thoughtful reflection on how they would spend their t’s: their time, their talents, and their treasure.
because it’s true that we can’t take anything with us, but we will leave things behind.
and that’s where socials come in.
as i’ve said from the start, this project isn’t about getting you off socials, it’s about sharing the freedom of living without them. and this is a place of an important freedom.
it’s the place where the three t’s thrive.
can the three t’s thrive in the world of socials? well, that’s up to you.
what i can tell you is how the three t’s thrive without in a world without socials.
time: well that’s pretty obvious, isn’t it? we all know the time sucking distraction that socials are. they are the enemy of production. they are the antithesis of focus. they are a combatant of peace. one pull of the thumb and forty minutes later we’re wondering how we got to the video of a ninety-year-old woman doing yoga. socials are winning the battle for our time and attention. and those are two of the most valued resources we have. once they’re gone, they’re gone. and right now we’re giving them away to the black hole of socials never to be found again. in the case of time, there is great freedom in knowing i’m not giving away precious hours on this planet to the screen. for me there are enough distractions fighting for my minutes and it is freeing to know that socials aren’t one of them.
talent: our talents can be on display through socials, and it’s a brilliant way to share them. the challenge with this is that much of the time we used to spend creating the product is now being spent displaying the product. can one become an IG-famous violinist without spending hours mastering the violin? can an artist display one’s art without first cultivating the piece? can an athlete display the mastery of a sport without spending a crushing number of early mornings at the gym? the challenge with caring for our talents in the age of social media is, once again, the battle over the assignment of our time and attention. the truth is that we will have no great talent to share if we have not spent the time curating it. and i think we live in a time in which users take to the social game long before they’ve properly curated and cared for the talent, and in the meantime the tool we hope to leverage to make us known ends up stealing our chance to create something worth consuming. this is another place of freedom. in knowing the time curating the talent is well worth the spend. i won’t get it right. i rarely do. but i will know i gave it what i could in order for it to thrive.
treasure: treasure refers to resources spent here, and fam, socials have a target directed at our pockets and our souls. what is a tool hungry for our time and attention is starving for our wallets and lifeblood. ads litter the marketplace on socials, fighting for any chance to get us to punch in a credit card number and make a purchase. the algorithms set to market porn to young teens and adults is astronomical. a quick google search will tell you more than you ever wanted to know about how socials are being used to push pornography to both men and women. socials are stealing more than financial treasure, aren’t they? this place away from constant marketing, away from the constant battle for time and attention, away from the war against what’s being put in front of my eyes to tempt me away from true TREASURE – this is a place of great, great freedom. and this – the freedom away from the fight for my treasure – is the one reason i truly wish i could talk all of you out of socials. will we still be marketed to? of course. will we still be tempted? always. but we can make the choice not to swim in the temptation.
here’s why the three t’s matter so much: the world awaits you.
your great works. the things only you can do. the things only you can create.
time is of the essence. it is irreversible and irreplaceable and counting down with every second.
your attention is a critical and invaluable resource.
your treasure is finite, and it is easily stolen.
and socials challenge all of these things at once. all these beautiful, exceptional, limited things.
i don’t know how much time you or i have left, but i know it matters. your time matters. every breath you take matters. in this entire world, in all of history, in all of time and space, there has never been someone like you and there never will be again. you are perfectly made and perfectly unique and you matter, profoundly.
what you choose to do with the minutes you have on this planet is up to you. i only hope that through this project, you’ve become more aware of your relationship with socials. maybe you feel a nudge to examine more closely how socials interact with your mind, body, and soul. maybe you feel like you can take a break for a while and observe how you respond to life without them. i don’t know what’s right for you, but i know if you’ve read this far, it’s not a coincidence. something about life unchained is talking to you.
life out from behind the screen is waiting for you. it’s brutal and it’s beautiful and it’s ever-changing, but it is life. and it will be all the richer with you in it.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. three t’s and legacies first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
December 29, 2023
life. Unchained. 8. empty cals
we live in a time and place in which individualistic excellence is the rule of the day.
what can you do? who can you become? what do you have that sets you apart from the rest? phrases like ‘find your truth’, ‘be your best self’, and ‘do what makes you happy’ litter the skyline from one coast to the other, telling us that all we have to do is be our unique selves and self-satisfy our desires until we are living our happiest lives.
socials have a direct connection to this ideology because they are a part of what thinkers long before us called the ‘flat world’. the creation of the internet changed life, making information and the dissemination of information, as easy as picking up a cell phone.
socials plug right into the flat world because they give every average joe a chance to become known, famous, or gain influencer status. socials flattened the world to the point that anyone who picks up a phone can shoot their shot at becoming ‘something’.
it’s truly amazing.
on the surface, this observation may seem irrelevant to this project, but it’s not.
this place – the place away from the incessant voice that says life is about the pursuit of fame, glory, influencer status, likes, and follows – is a place of great freedom. it’s the quiet place away from the haunting of unmet potential. it’s the place away from the lie that an individual’s value is measured only by social media status.
the pursuit of individualistic excellence in and of itself is not a bad thing – and it exists and has been glorified outside the world of socials for decades. but the existence of socials and their flat world nature exacerbate the negative side-effects of the pursuit of individualistic excellence to the point that folks aren’t feeling worth much if their socials aren’t popping off.
see, there’s one very big problem with the unending pursuit of individualistic excellence: it can’t fill the bucket.
by the inherent nature of its call to ‘be all you can be’ and ‘live your best life’ we’re being set up to expect to be filled in the pursuit and acquisition of whatever thing it is.
and don’t get me wrong, i’m all about having a dream. by all means, identify your strengths and passions and giftings and go do the thing. that’s what makes our world beautiful and our lives rich, along with many other things. but the challenge – the very big challenge – is to identify and pursue our dreams without placing our identities there, without getting our value there.
there’s a documentary out about a professional athlete who is on the brink of retirement. while being interviewed about his decision and whether or not it was time to move on from the world of professional sports, he said, “i’ve only ever been [an athlete]. it’s who i am. it’s all i am. i don’t have anything else.”
he was tired. his body, mind, and soul were weary of being a professional athlete. but he could not stop because he perceived that it was all he was. he perceived that it was where all his value was held.
this challenge used to reside largely with the rich and famous, but socials bring it into the flat world. with socials’ promise to make us ‘something’, we get on the content train and the hungry bot tells us our every moment should be analyzed and captured for something post-worthy. our every engagement in a day becomes strategic. the expectations rise and internally, something begins to shift. as the likes and follows build – or don’t build, as the case may be – our value begins to derive from the responses on the screen. our identity begins to take shape in the person we’ve portrayed there, and soon, we are the professional athlete, who’s weary of mind, body, and soul but feels no freedom to step away from the thing that’s pounding us down. no freedom to leave the audience behind. because our perceived value, our identity, is no longer resting in something eternal, but is fragilely held within the palm of our own hands, ready to shatter at the first drop onto concrete.
here’s what is true: no number of likes, applause, follows, or affirmations will fill our souls.
and the tricky part is that if we catch some wind on socials for a while, it’s likely to make us feel great. but it will be temporary. ask anyone at the top if it’s all they thought it would be. if it silenced the doubts they had about themselves. if it got them the ‘happy’ they thought they were after. google the rates of happiness among the rich and famous and you’ll find egregious amounts of dissatisfaction there. fly to a third world country where folks are completely unknown and living out of the hoods of gutted cars and you’ll find the most joyful and satisfied people you’ve ever met.
the act of identifying and pursuing what we were put here to do is important and it will add richness and growth and beauty to our lives. but it cannot be ultimate. and in the place away from socials, away from the lie that our value is held in the palm of our own hands, away from the incessant chase to ‘be something’, there is great, great freedom.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 8. empty cals first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. empty cals
we live in a time and place in which individualistic excellence is the rule of the day.
what can you do? who can you become? what do you have that sets you apart from the rest? phrases like ‘find your truth’, ‘be your best self’, and ‘do what makes you happy’ litter the skyline from one coast to the other, telling us that all we have to do is be our unique selves and self-satisfy our desires until we are living our happiest lives.
socials have a direct connection to this ideology because they are a part of what thinkers long before us called the ‘flat world’. the creation of the internet changed life, making information and the dissemination of information, as easy as picking up a cell phone.
socials plug right into the flat world because they give every average joe a chance to become known, famous, or gain influencer status. socials flattened the world to the point that anyone who picks up a phone can shoot their shot at becoming ‘something’.
it’s truly amazing.
on the surface, this observation may seem irrelevant to this project, but it’s not.
this place – the place away from the incessant voice that says life is about the pursuit of fame, glory, influencer status, likes, and follows – is a place of great freedom. it’s the quiet place away from the haunting of unmet potential. it’s the place away from the lie that an individual’s value is measured only by social media status.
the pursuit of individualistic excellence in and of itself is not a bad thing – and it exists and has been glorified outside the world of socials for decades. but the existence of socials and their flat world nature exacerbate the negative side-effects of the pursuit of individualistic excellence to the point that folks aren’t feeling worth much if their socials aren’t popping off.
see, there’s one very big problem with the unending pursuit of individualistic excellence: it can’t fill the bucket.
by the inherent nature of its call to ‘be all you can be’ and ‘live your best life’ we’re being set up to expect to be filled in the pursuit and acquisition of whatever thing it is.
and don’t get me wrong, i’m all about having a dream. by all means, identify your strengths and passions and giftings and go do the thing. that’s what makes our world beautiful and our lives rich, along with many other things. but the challenge – the very big challenge – is to identify and pursue our dreams without placing our identities there, without getting our value there.
there’s a documentary out about a professional athlete who is on the brink of retirement. while being interviewed about his decision and whether or not it was time to move on from the world of professional sports, he said, “i’ve only ever been [an athlete]. it’s who i am. it’s all i am. i don’t have anything else.”
he was tired. his body, mind, and soul were weary of being a professional athlete. but he could not stop because he perceived that it was all he was. he perceived that it was where all his value was held.
this challenge used to reside largely with the rich and famous, but socials bring it into the flat world. with socials’ promise to make us ‘something’, we get on the content train and the hungry bot tells us our every moment should be analyzed and captured for something post-worthy. our every engagement in a day becomes strategic. the expectations rise and internally, something begins to shift. as the likes and follows build – or don’t build, as the case may be – our value begins to derive from the responses on the screen. our identity begins to take shape in the person we’ve portrayed there, and soon, we are the professional athlete, who’s weary of mind, body, and soul but feels no freedom to step away from the thing that’s pounding us down. no freedom to leave the audience behind. because our perceived value, our identity, is no longer resting in something eternal, but is fragilely held within the palm of our own hands, ready to shatter at the first drop onto concrete.
here’s what is true: no number of likes, applause, follows, or affirmations will fill our souls.
and the tricky part is that if we catch some wind on socials for a while, it’s likely to make us feel great. but it will be temporary. ask anyone at the top if it’s all they thought it would be. if it silenced the doubts they had about themselves. if it got them the ‘happy’ they thought they were after. google the rates of happiness among the rich and famous and you’ll find egregious amounts of dissatisfaction there. fly to a third world country where folks are completely unknown and living out of the hoods of gutted cars and you’ll find the most joyful and satisfied people you’ve ever met.
the act of identifying and pursuing what we were put here to do is important and it will add richness and growth and beauty to our lives. but it cannot be ultimate. and in the place away from socials, away from the lie that our value is held in the palm of our own hands, away from the incessant chase to ‘be something’, there is great, great freedom.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. empty cals first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
December 9, 2023
life. Unchained. 7. earth shakin adjectives
i know a guy who’s in his sixties.
he’s a simple guy. he’s worked for the same company for decades. he’s the type to be the first one there and the last one to go home. he’s kind. he has a big heart. he’s got a great sense of humor and can laugh at just about anything…. just about.
recently, the social media manager at his place of employment asked him to be in a tik tok video to promote a sale.
they shot a short parody video to a popular song that ended up earning them over 100k views in about a week.
this seems like a big win, right? my friend got to contribute to the promotion for his employer, the social media manager had a successful campaign, and the company got attention for their sale and added to their bottom line.
but my friend, who wears his sense of humor so well – the sense of humor that was a large part of making the tik tok so successful – he’s having a hard time laughing at the hate comments on that post.
my friend is a grown man in his mid-sixties. we’re not talking about some kid who’s just figuring out his/her place in the world. he’s heard it all and seen even more and he’s lived on the dirt for a good long time. it’s not his first day and yet, he is genuinely hurt by the things people are so easily typing into the comment bar.
words have power. immense amounts of power.
nearly every major religious text warns people of the power of their words and the great responsibility we have in wielding them. we say things like ‘sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt me’, but that’s just a flat out lie.
in the post social media world, words alone have had a devastating impact on mental health and suicide rates. before social media, a well written article, speech, or essay sparked entire social movements and changed the course of our histories. words have incredible amounts of power and can spark life just as easily as they can take it. proverbs 18:21 says, “the tongue can bring death or life.” and boy, is it!
i’ve said several times throughout this project that my objective is not to convince you to ditch social media, but to instead share the freedom that i experience in not using it. and this place – the place away from the influx of hateful words – is a great place of freedom.
in this life, there’s no escaping hateful words. someone will always find a way to get in your space and spew hate your way – i think it’s inevitable for all of us in one way or another. but we don’t have to swim in it.
since i was a kid, my parents have said, ‘trash in, trash out’. meaning if you put trash into your mind, body, and soul, trash will come out of your mind, body, and soul. this was specifically intended to guide us in our choices of media utilization, to help us choose wisely what magazines, music, video games, movies, and tv we consumed, knowing that if we watched and read and listened to dark stuff, it would directly impact our moods, thoughts, and processing.
no one is immune from the influence of their media choices. and these days, much of our media choices come in the form of social media. in the choice not to use it, i’m not escaping hateful words – they’ll always find a way, but i am actively choosing not to indulge in them. not to let them flood my mind.
and side note: i don’t want to read hate comments about me, but i also don’t want to read hateful comments about anyone else. consuming hateful words – regardless of the recipient – creates a pathway for them to exist and flow out of our mouths and hearts with ease. i don’t want that. i don’t want to think them or read them or normalize them. and that’s exactly what social media has done. it has become a normal thing to use hateful words to slander people. their appearances, their lives, their choices, their beliefs, their pictures, their pets, their dreams. anything can be critiqued by a stranger behind a screen.
something about the anonymity of being behind a keyboard is allowing people to say things that they would not have the courage to say in front of a real person, but it is a real person on the backend of that screen. a real human is digesting those words. consuming them. processing them. considering their validity and weighing their worth inside a real life. even from a stranger – words have power. immense amounts of power.
perhaps you are one who can easily skip over the hate that runs so freely through socials, but my guess is even if you are not being tossed around by hateful words, you know someone who is.
i don’t have a fix-it solution to this. socials are here to stay, and people will always engage with them. i offer these thoughts to share a set of choices:
the choice not to engage with words that harm you or someone you love.
the choice not to type words that harm.
the choice to not indulge in hateful words that bring trash in and out of your mind, body, and soul.
the choice to be the source of words that brings positivity and encouragement and inspiration.
the choice to lead someone away from the screen and to speak truth and life to them.
the choice to take the power away from the strangers behind the screen and put it back into your hands or the hands of someone you love.
the choice to be free.
the choice is yours, not mine. i raise the curtain only with the hope that collectively we can live with a little more intention to speak life instead of death into a world that already has enough of it.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 7. earth shakin adjectives first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. earth shakin adjectives
i know a guy who’s in his sixties.
he’s a simple guy. he’s worked for the same company for decades. he’s the type to be the first one there and the last one to go home. he’s kind. he has a big heart. he’s got a great sense of humor and can laugh at just about anything…. just about.
recently, the social media manager at his place of employment asked him to be in a tik tok video to promote a sale.
they shot a short parody video to a popular song that ended up earning them over 100k views in about a week.
on the surface this is a big win. my friend got to contribute to the promotion for his employer, the social media manager had a successful campaign, and the company got attention for their sale and added to their bottom line.
but my friend, who wears his sense of humor of his so well – the sense of humor that was a large part of making the tik tok so successful – he’s having a hard time laughing at the hate comments on that post.
my friend is a grown man in his mid-sixties. we’re not talking about some kid who’s just figuring out his/her place in the world. he’s heard it all and seen even more and he’s lived on the dirt for a good long time. it’s not his first day.
and yet, he is genuinely hurt by the things people are so easily typing into the comment bar.
words have power. immense amounts of power.
nearly every major religious text warns people of the power of their words and the great responsibility we have in wielding them. we say things like ‘sticks and stones will break your bones, but words can never hurt me’, but that’s just a flat out lie.
in the post social media world, words alone have had a devastating impact on mental health and suicide rates. before social media, a well written article, speech, or essay sparked entire social movements and changed the course of our histories. words have incredible amounts of power and can spark life just as easily as they can kill it. proverbs 18:21 says, “the tongue can bring death or life.” and boy, can it – literally.
i’ve said several times throughout this project that my objective is not to convince you to ditch social media, but to instead share the freedom that i experience in not using it.
this place – the place away from an influx of hateful words – is a great source of freedom.
in this life, there’s no escaping hateful words. someone can always find a way to get in your space and spew hate your way – i think it’s inevitable for all of us in one way or another. but we don’t have to swim in it.
since i was a kid, my parents have said, ‘trash in, trash out’. meaning if you put trash into your mind, body, and soul, trash will come out of your mind, body, and soul. this was specifically intended to guide us in our choices of media utilization, to help us choose wisely what magazines, music, and tv we consumed, knowing that if we watched and read and listened to dark and negative stuff, it would directly impact our moods, thoughts, and processing.
no one is immune from the influence of their media choices.
and these days, much of our media choices come in the form of social media. in the choice not to use it, i’m not escaping hateful words – they’ll always find a way, but i am actively choosing not to indulge in them. not to let them flood my mind. and no, i don’t want to read hate comments about me, but i also don’t want to read hateful comments about anyone else.
consuming hateful words – regardless of the recipient – creates a pathway for them to exist and flow out of our mouths and hearts with ease. i don’t want that. i don’t want to think them or read them or normalize them.
and that’s exactly what social media has done. it has become a normal thing to use hateful words to slander people. their appearance, their lives, their choices, their beliefs, their pictures, their pets, their dreams. anything can be critiqued by a stranger behind a screen.
something about the anonymity of being behind a keyboard is allowing people to say things that they would not have the courage to say in front of a real person, but it is a real person on the backend of that screen. a real human is digesting those words. consuming them. processing them. considering how valid their ugliness is and weighing their worth inside a real life. even from an anonymous stranger – words have power. immense amounts of power.
perhaps you are one who can easily skip over the hate that runs so freely through socials, but my guess is even if you are not being tossed around by hateful words, you know someone who is.
i don’t have a fix-it solution to this. socials are here to stay, and people will always engage with them. i offer these thoughts to share a choice:
the choice not to engage with words that can harm you or someone you love.
the choice not to type words that can harm you or someone you love or a complete stranger who has not earned your hate.
the choice to not indulge in hateful words that bring trash in and out of your mind, body, and soul.
the choice to be the source of words that brings positivity and encouragement and inspiration instead of hate and death and negativity and slander.
the choice to lead someone away from the screen and to speak truth and life to them.
the choice to take the power away from the strangers on the screen and put it back into your hands or the hands of someone you love.
the choice to be free.
the choice is yours, not mine. i raise the curtain only with the hope that collectively we can live with a little more intention to speak life instead of death into a world that already has enough of it.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. earth shakin adjectives first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
November 22, 2023
life. Unchained. 6. big fish muscles
it feels important to share with you again that this project isn’t intended to persuade you to live life without social media.
this isn’t about me doing something right and you doing something wrong.
i don’t think my choice is better than yours.
i share this because in this choice – the choice to live life without social media – i experience great freedom and i want you to know that if you want it, you can have it.
because of this choice, i’ve had many conversations about socials with people from the ages of twelve to eighty-seven and the most common response i hear when people discover i don’t use socials is, “good for you!” usually followed by, “i wish i could do that.”
odd, isn’t it?
not exclusively, but commonly in pre-teens, teens, and young adults, there seems to be a genuine desire to be on socials in order to feel ‘included’, ‘relevant’, or to ‘know what everyone is doing’, but this is seemingly always paired with dread, obligation, or a perceived demand to ‘keep up’. this perceived demand is combined with the requirement to post well. to have funny, attractive, or popular content; to have more followers than their peers; and to have a real-time knowledge of all the goings-on of their schools, social groups, and friendship politics.
sound familiar?
i don’t think this is exclusive to young people.
in young adults and adults, there seems to be a lot lower desire to be on socials. adults in general, seem slightly more aware of the way socials impact their social, mental, emotional, and spiritual health but they feel a deep obligation to keep engaging. i often hear things like ‘i want to stay in contact with people who live far away’; or to ‘this is how i keep an eye on my kids’ socials’; or ‘i have to promote my business’; or some version of ‘this is how i impact the world’.
i’m not here to comment on if these are ‘good enough’ reasons to stay on socials, but what i can observe from these conversations is that most people on socials seem to have days or weeks or months in which they wish they weren’t.
in general, when it comes to social media, there seems to be a lot more in the ‘i actually hate this’ column than there is in the ‘everything is awesome’ column.
last week, someone who uses socials and admittedly ‘wishes he didn’t’ said this to me:
“at first smoking was worst thing you could do to yourself. then ‘sitting’ became the new smoking. now social media is the new smoking. there may be nothing worse we do to ourselves.”
i wonder if this is how people felt when they’d been smoking for years and then discovered it was killing them. though they’d gained the awareness that the choice was profoundly damaging, they were too far in, too addicted, too satisfied with the get-back to stop.
does that sound like where you are in your relationship with socials?
even if you know it’s bad for you, quitting something after you’ve become addicted takes big fish muscles.
understanding big fish muscles is important. it originates from something my mom used to say to my siblings and me when we were growing up. she explained that our lives would be an unending road of choices. and those choices would be primarily influenced by one thing: whether or not we felt the need to do what everyone else was doing. she called it ‘the ability to swim upstream’ or ‘stand against the flow’.
i call it big fish muscles because muscles develop slowly, over time, with consistent use and careful intent. developing the ability to ‘swim upstream’, not to do what everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it – takes time and practice. it requires consistency and careful intent.
it’s important to note that this is not non-conformity for the sake of non-conformity. it’s exercising independent thought for the purpose of exploring what the right choice is, regardless of the crowd.
it’s also important to note that this is not encouragement to ‘create truth’. truth cannot be created. it either is or it isn’t. this ain’t about ‘your truth’ because there’s no such thing. truth just is. it exists with or without our opinions, positions, or greatest intellectual musings.
the truth is that social media, though an incredible tool for observation, consumption, marketing, and instant connectivity, has an incredibly damaging effect on social, mental, and emotional health. people can feel isolated, bullied, taunted, excluded, and ‘less than’ with one easy pull of the thumb.
i’ll say again that my objective is not to get anyone to stop using socials. my objective is to share the freedom i experience in not engaging with them, and there is great freedom here. for me, there is enough in the world that is hard to process, accept, or reconcile in my mind, heart, and soul.
there are enough harmful addictions to battle.
real, abiding friendships are not common.
finding value in eternal things and not earthly things is a constant war.
fighting the ‘less than’ voices of the world is exhausting.
maintaining meaningful connection is a full-time job.
filtering out wasteful stimuli to produce things that have impact is always uphill.
and for me living without socials is one choice that alleviates all of the above.
i ask you for no commitment and hold you to no obligation. i call you not to some arbitrary standard of my own making. i only ask you to consider what impact social media has on your mental, emotional, and social health, and how that impacts those around you. what you do with your findings is entirely up to you, but be reminded: you are not required to use it.
you do not have to do it just because it’s what people do.
and in fact, you may find that in swimming upstream, you may break out of the crowded masses and find yourself wild, in a glorious place of freedom, with the space to see and the stillness to hear things you haven’t since you picked up the nasty mag.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 6. big fish muscles first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. big fish muscles
it feels important to share again that this project isn’t intended to persuade you to live life without social media.
this isn’t about me doing something right and you doing something wrong.
i don’t think my choice is better than yours.
i share because in this choice – the choice to live life without social media – i experience great freedom and i want you to know that if you want it, you can have it too.
because of this choice, i’ve had many conversations about socials with people from the ages of twelve to eighty-two and the most common response i hear when people discover i don’t use socials is, “good for you!” usually followed by, “i wish i could do that.”
odd, isn’t it?
not exclusively, but commonly in pre-teens, teens, and young adults, there seems to be a genuine desire to be on socials in order to feel ‘included’, ‘relevant’, or to ‘know what everyone is doing’, but this is seemingly always paired with dread, obligation, or a perceived demand to ‘keep up’. this perceived demand is combined with the requirement to post well. to have funny, attractive, or popular content; to have more followers than their peers; and to have a real-time knowledge of all the goings-on of their schools, social groups, and friendship politics.
sound familiar?
i don’t think this is exclusive to young people.
in young adults and adults, there seems to be a lot lower desire to be on socials. adults in general, seem highly aware of the way socials are impacting their social, mental, emotional, and spiritual health but they feel a deep obligation to keep engaging. i often hear things like ‘i want to stay in contact with people who live far away’; or to ‘this is how i keep an eye on my kids’ socials’; or ‘i have to promote my business’; or some version of ‘this is how i impact the world’.
i’m not here to comment on if these are ‘good enough’ reasons to stay on socials, but what i can observe from these conversations is that most people on socials seem to have days or weeks or months in which they wish they weren’t.
in general, when it comes to social media, there seems to be a lot more in the ‘i actually hate this’ column than there is in the ‘everything is awesome’ column.
last week, someone who uses socials and admittedly ‘wishes he didn’t’ said this to me:
“at first smoking was worst thing you could do to yourself. then ‘sitting’ became the new smoking. now social media is the new smoking. there may be nothing worse we do to ourselves.”
i wonder if this is how people felt when they’d been smoking for years and then discovered it was killing them. though they’d gained the awareness that the choice was profoundly damaging, they were too far in, too addicted, so satisfied with the get-back that they couldn’t stop.
does that sound like where you are with your relationship with socials?
(i have an incredible amount of respect for you who have quit smoking. i cannot imagine the amount of discipline and self-control it takes to quit once you’ve started. mad respect.)
quitting something after you’ve become addicted takes big fish muscles.
understanding big fish muscles is important. it originates from something my mom used to say to my siblings and me when we were growing up.
she explained that our lives would be an unending road of choices. and those choices would be primarily influenced by one thing: whether or not we felt the need to do what everyone else was doing. she called it ‘the ability to swim upstream’ or ‘stand against the flow’.
i call it big fish muscles because muscles develop slowly, over time, and only with consistent use and careful intent. developing the ability to ‘swim upstream’, not to do what everyone else is doing just because everyone else is doing it – it takes time and practice. it requires consistency and careful intent.
it’s important to note that this is not non-conformity for the sake of non-conformity. it’s exercising independent thought for the purpose of exploring what the right choice is for you, regardless of the crowd.
it’s also important to note that this is not encouragement to ‘create truth’. truth cannot be created. it either is or it isn’t. this ain’t about ‘your truth’ because there’s no such thing. truth just is. it exists with or without our opinions, positions, or greatest intellectual musings.
the truth is that social media, though an incredible tool for observation, consumption, marketing, and instant connectivity, has an incredibly damaging effect on social, mental, and emotional health. people can feel isolated, bullied, taunted, excluded, and ‘less than’ with one easy pull of the thumb.
like i said in the introduction to this project – that may not be true of you. you may be one of those rare people who have a remarkably healthy relationship with socials. you can engage with them and not be overly impacted by its content, comments, or uses. and if so, i’m so glad! but statistics would show us that you are likely the exception and not the rule.
i’ll say again that my objective is not to get anyone to stop using socials. my objective is to share the freedom i experience in not engaging with them, and there is great freedom here.
for me, there is enough in the world that is hard to process, accept, or reconcile in my mind, heart, and soul. there are enough harmful addictions to battle.
real, abiding friendships are not common. finding value in eternal things and not earthly things is a constant war. observing and standing against apparent injustices is never-ending. fighting the ‘less than’ voices of the world is exhausting. maintaining meaningful connection is a full-time job. filtering out wasteful stimuli to produce things that have impact is always uphill.
and for me – for me – living without socials is one choice that alleviates all of the above.
i ask you for no commitment and no obligation. i call you not to some arbitrary standard of my own making. i only ask you to consider, with big fish muscles, what impact social media has on your mental, emotional, and social health, and how that impacts those around you. what you do with your findings is entirely up to you but be reminded that you are not required to use social media. you do not have to do it just because it’s what people do. in fact, you may find that in swimming upstream, you break free from the crowded masses and find yourself instead wild and free, in a glorious place all your own.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. big fish muscles first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
September 23, 2023
life. Unchained. 5. coffee dates with aquaman
have you ever watched a movie or a tv show and felt really drawn to one character?
someone who inspired you, someone whom you felt you could be, or someone who you felt you could love?
it’s that character in the show that really moved you… so much that you feel like you know the person, that you can call them later, that you can talk over life with them.
and then the show ends.
the credits roll, the lights come on, the music stops, and you remember that what you watched was not real. you are not in relationship with that person. you never were. you are not jon snow; superheroes don’t exist; you are not dating edward cullen or katniss everdeen.
it was just a story. it may have been a great story, but it was just a story, and you merely watched it.
this is what we do on socials: we watch; we consume; we observe.
in and of themselves, there’s nothing quite wrong with watching, consuming, or observing, but it becomes an interesting point of conversation when the primary reason one offers for engaging with socials is to ‘stay connected with people’.
is watching people’s social posts the best we can offer for the people we say we love?
that’s the same point of connection we have with millions of strangers.
when the basis of our relationships become our interactions through a screen, they cease to hold the functional characteristics of relationships.
unique, interpersonal interactions are lost. the intimacy of things shared without an audience is adjusted to work for the benefit of the watching masses. transparency is ever aware that what it offers will be consumed only as we position for it, and only to the degree we allow it.
in real-time relationships with humans in front of us, while we conversate, process, and work through the intricacies of life, we don’t have the opportunity for pre-thought. we can’t position or dress-up or strategize for spectators. there are no filters.
we’re there for the person in front of us. that’s it.
i share this because although it’s not so direct a point as the rest, it is something that begs sharing due to the freedom that grows from rich, authentic relationships. and no matter how hard we try, if we are only interacting with people on socials, we will not be in rich relationships.
it will be more like watching the movie.
we will see through whatever lens the creator wants us to see. we will experience emotions, feel a closeness, a relatability, a desire for the relationship to be real. but when the story ends and the timeline stops, all that’s left is a desire for a something tangible. something we can touch. someone we can hold. interaction that means more than our mere observation and scorn or applause.
as i write this, i’m sitting at my favorite coffee shop. i come here every week i’m able and work on whatever project is asking for attention.
there are a few groups of people that are here every week, but my favorite group sits to my direct left as i type. their ages range from the early fifties to the late eighties.
starting around nine o’clock they start to trickle in and before they know it, the group is too large to sit around the table. they pull extra chairs from the others in the shop, politely asking for permission with smiles and wrinkles.
they know each other.
much more than faces and names, these people know what’s been hard about each others’ weeks. they know who’s celebrating and who’s mourning. they know about each other’s health challenges, about their grandchildren and great-grandchildren’s sports, musicals, and art shows. right now, they’re discussing each of their families’ lines of heritage.
they’ve been meeting here every saturday morning for over seven years.
the eldest of them all, karolyn, is eighty-seven. she’s caring for her husband, who has been in decline with dementia for the last few years. she brings him with her every week so he can get out of the house.
the group is aware of the couple’s status, and has come around them to provide meals, help around the house, offer breaks for karolyn and help them get around town. karolyn calls them family, though not one is related by blood.
that kind of relationship is not curated through social media. it’s not an observation-based association. it’s not positioned for appeal. it’s not filtered or edited for marketable content. it’s not strategic.
it’s a fellowship. a multi-way, mutual, sharing. it’s a collective, responsive, companionship. it’s rich, authentic relationship.
if this doesn’t sound like the status of your relationships, if you read this and wonder how many observation-based associations you have that are not really friendships or fellowships – schedule a coffee date; invite the neighbors over; get the group together from high school or college.
do you want followers or do you want friends?
i think you can have both.
is it time to consider which one you’re curating?
there is great freedom in rich relationship, and it cannot be won from scrolling the feed, because as much as i’d love to have regular coffee dates with aquaman, he ain’t real. and neither is that hot guy with great abs and no shirt who talks about diet and exercise – you know the one. he’s on my weather channel app ads. he’s a real person, but he portrays what he wants to portray, in the way he wants us to consume it – no different than aquaman’s writers.
your followers aren’t coming to your funeral, but your friends are. which group is worth the curating? well, that’s up to you.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 5. coffee dates with aquaman first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
life. Unchained. coffee dates with aquaman
have you ever watched a movie or a tv show and felt particularly drawn to a character? someone who inspired you, someone whom you felt you could be, or someone who you felt you could love? it’s that character in the show that really moved you��� so much that you feel like you know the person, that you can call them later, that you can talk over the show���s happenings with them.
and then the show ends.
the credits roll, the lights come on, the music stops, and you remember that what you watched was not real. you are not in relationship with that person. you never were. you are not jon snow; superheroes don’t exist; you are not dating edward cullen or katniss everdeen.
it was just a story. it may have been a great story, but it was just a story, and you merely watched.
this is what we do on socials: we watch; we consume; we observe.
in and of itself, there���s nothing wrong with watching, consuming, and observing, but it becomes an interesting point of conversation when the primary reason one offers for engaging with socials is to ���stay connected with people���.
is watching people���s social posts the best we can offer for the people we say we love?
that���s the same point of connection we have with millions of strangers.
when the basis of our relationships become our interactions through a screen, they cease to hold the functional characteristics of relationships.
unique, interpersonal interactions are lost. the intimacy of things shared without an audience is adjusted to work for the benefit of the watching masses. transparency is ever aware that what it offers will be consumed only as we position for it, and only to the degree we allow it.
in real-time relationships with humans in front of us, while we conversate, process, and work through the intricacies of life, we don���t have the opportunity for pre-thought. we can���t position or dress-up or strategize for spectators.
we���re there just for the person in front of us, and for how we may be edified through them.
i share this because although it���s not so direct a point as the rest, it is something that begs sharing because of the freedom that resides in rich, authentic relationships. and no matter how hard we try, if we are only interacting with ���our people��� on socials, we will not be in rich, authentic relationships. it will be more like watching the movie.
we will see through whatever lens the creator wants us to see. we will experience emotions, feel a closeness, a relatability, a desire for the relationship to be real. but when the story ends and the timeline stops, all that���s left is a desire for a something tangible. something we can touch. someone we can hold. interaction that means more than our mere observation and applause.
as i write this, i���m sitting at my favorite saturday morning coffee shop. i come every week i���m able, and work on whatever project is asking for attention.
there are a few groups of people that are here every week, but my favorite group to watch sits to my direct left as i type. their ages range from early fifties to early nineties.
they trickle in, starting around nine o���clock, and soon the group is nearly too large to sit around the table.
they know each other.
much more than faces and names, these people know what���s been hard about the week. they know who���s celebrating and who���s mourning. they know about each other���s health challenges, about their grandchildren and great-grandchildren���s sports, musicals, and art shows. right now, they���re discussing each of their families��� lines of heritage. they���ve been meeting here every saturday morning for over seven years.
the eldest of them all, karolyn, is eighty-seven. she���s caring for her husband, who has been in decline with dementia for the last few years. she brings him with her every week so he can get out of the house.
the group is aware of the couple���s status, and has come around them to provide meals, help around the house, offer breaks for karolyn and help them get around town. karolyn calls them family, though not one is related by blood.
that kind of relationship is not curated through social media. it���s not an observation-based association. it���s not positioned for appeal. it���s not filtered or edited for marketable content. it���s not strategic.
it���s a fellowship. a multi-way, mutual, sharing. it���s a collective, responsive, companionship. it���s rich, authentic relationship.
if this doesn���t sound like the status of your relationships, if you read this and wonder how many observation-based associations you have that are not really friendships or fellowships ��� maybe it���s time to schedule that coffee date; invite the neighbors over for dinner; get that group together from high school or college.
do you want followers or do you want friends?
i think you can have both. but it may be time to evaluate which one you’re curating.
there is great freedom in authentic relationship, and it cannot be won from watching a screen, because as much as i’d love to have regular coffee dates with aquaman or daryl dixon or jamie fraser, they ain’t real. and even as i write i’m challenged to schedule more real time with real people, so let me close this out. real, rich, authentic relationships are out there and waiting to be had – for you and for me. let’s go get em.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. coffee dates with aquaman first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
September 18, 2023
life. Unchained. 4. oh no fomo
over the last several years, i’ve asked a lot of people why they use social media.
responses are usually one of three things: people want to stay connected to friends and family who live far away. it’s for a business or brand they’re building. or, they say something akin to ‘i want to know what’s going on’.
this last sentiment, though expressed in many different ways, is very basically the fear of missing out, or ‘fomo’, as i’m sure you’ve heard it called. because i receive this answer so often, i started responding with another question: ‘what are you afraid you’re missing when you’re not on socials?’
most of the time, blank stares follow.
i think the reason people don’t know what they’re afraid of missing is that they aren’t sure what value socials are really offering them.
what is really missed if we spend a few days off socials? or a few weeks, or a few months, or an entire year?
if we added the time spent planning, recording, editing, and posting our own content, and then added in the time spent consuming others’ content, we will find an egregious time deposit going into socials every day.
so let me posit a more relevant question.
what are you missing while you’re on socials?
i wonder if the greater loss is not what’s missed while we’re off socials (the friend’s life update, what someone wore, the reactions to a viral meme, or if the cat can tie the shoe or not).
i wonder if the greater loss – the much greater loss – is what we miss while we’re on socials.
i wonder if our fomo is incorrectly placed.
what of the missed time with parents; siblings; friends; family; the neighbor; our children. what of missing what we were made to do because we spent our time consuming instead of creating? what of neglecting purpose, missing opportunities to change our corners of the world, or missing the beauty of the life we’ve been given?
what if what we should be noticing is the disappearing sand in the hourglass while we let tiktok roll on and on?
not one of us can escape the inevitable end of our days, and i can’t help but think that at the end of these generations’ lives people will look back and say, ‘why did i spend so much time on youtube?’; ‘why did i care so much about my insta followers?’; ‘why did i waste so much time on snap?’.
i shared at the beginning of this that my goal was not to convert you to my way, but instead share the freedom i experience in life without social media. and in this space, in the space of the ‘fomo’, i have deep freedom.
while i watch people sit at restaurants with their faces in their phones, or watch people take and retake photos and then scramble to post them, or while i watch people stop at red lights and take out their phones to check their stories, i don’t experience ‘fomo’.
i don’t think it’s me who’s missing out.
life out from behind the screen is beautiful and brutal and ever-changing, and i love it here.
is life out from behind the screen the right thing for you? only you can answer that. it’s not mine to tell you one way or the other, but it is mine to share the freedom i experience in living without it, and freedom it is.
this is life without social media.
this is life. Unchained.
love, Nic
The post life. Unchained. 4. oh no fomo first appeared on The website of N. Ford.
