Mark Messmore's Blog, page 3

Find Your Speaking Voice – Part 2

“Finding Your Speaking Voice” is a blog series focused on different speaking styles.

Within this series, Mark will attempt to give some strengths, weaknesses, opportunities for growth, and potential threats for each style identified. For more information about this series, you can read the introduction here.

If you have ever studied public speaking, you have probably come across a speech design pattern that divides a presentation into three parts:

You tell them what you’re going to tell them.You tell them.You tell them what you told them.

While such an approach has been attributed to various famous figures such as Aristotle or Dale Carnegie, it likely originated from a preaching conference in the early 20th century. This approach is a popular template among many speakers and, when evaluating a speech with a trained eye, is often visible as a speaker’s underlying structure.

But…what if that’s not how your mind works?

What if you think in images as opposed to structured blocks? What if your talk doesn’t fit the tried-and-true “rule of three” and instead you have a singular major idea you want to convey? What if you want to approach a topic as a personal journey of discovery rather than just presenting the destination?

While the “tell them” approach can certainly have value, there are many other ways to structure a talk. Here are just a few:

Here is a principle. Here are the implications.

This is an approach that can be used when basing much of a talk on a principle or ethical quote. Sure, the audience may agree with “a penny saved is a penny earned”, but what happens if they really live it out?

Here is a story…

“Come and listen to my story….about a man named Jed. Poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed…”

While these words are from the classic Beverly Hillbillies TV show, it would be easy to stop and offer lessons or implications as you move through different parts of the piece. The same could be said of fairy tales like Little Red Riding Hood, religious stories like David and Goliath, or even a personal story that you are telling an audience for the first time.

While the structure of the talk itself will not feel as rigid, such a structure can still serve as an easy-to-follow approach for your audience.

Here is a timeline of events

I love to study history. Because while some get bogged down in the dates and minutiae, I see history as one immense story helping us understand how we got to where we are today. Perhaps your talk is focusing on current events. What if you structured your talk in a timeline-like way to help your audience piece together why current events are unfolding as they are?

A question with a variety of suggested answers

I like to think of this as the scientific approach, but not because it’s long and complex.

A question is posed to the audience in the opening portion of a talk. The following body, then, proposes various answers or ways people have attempted to answer that question.

“Some have said this…” How did they test their hypothesis? What was learned along the way?

Pose two or three incorrect ideas and what was learned. Your audience will be invested and want to know the answer for themselves.

Conclusion

While these are only a few examples, I hope you can see how a speech does not have to fit into a pre-formatted pattern.

So what about you? What types of unique approaches have you seen, or used, for a speech, lesson, talk, or sermon?

Find Your Speaking Voice – Part 1

One of the greatest struggles novice presenters face is finding their own voice.

Allow me to explain with part of my own story.

I preached my first sermon when I was 15. While a sermon is its own specific type of public speaking presentation, it is no less a speech. Thus, at 15, I was drafting and presenting a 30-minute speech for the first time. That was both exciting…and terrifying.

Since that first time went ok, a few months later I was asked to speak again. Then, a few months later, I was asked to speak once more. Then, somewhere along the way, a loving person pulled me aside to say, “Mark…you’re not speaking like you. Instead, you seem to be mimicking other preachers that you have heard.”

And…he was right.

In my own mind, I had a perception of how a speaker was supposed to sound. I had an underlying assumption that successful communication would occur best when I imitated (even unintentionally) others who I considered to be good speakers.

Please don’t misunderstand me. There can be incredible value in listening and learning from effective speakers. The difference is whether you are learning FROM them, or pretending to BE them.

Anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I am quirky. I am goofy. One of my personal mantras is that “I take what I do very seriously, but I don’t take myself seriously.” So, when speaking, these pieces of my personality should come out. Granted, they should not overshadow the presentation (something quite possible), but these attributes should definitely be present.

Why?

Because YOU are the one presenting. And a major part of what will set your presentation apart from any other, is your voice, your mannerisms, your personality, and your style.

So allow me to ask, what is your style? What is your personality? How does it come through when you speak?

Are you generally more left-brained, logical, and methodical?Are you more right-brained and creative with abstract and artistic approaches?Are you conversational on a daily basis?Are you more of a larger-than-life personality?Are you someone who is gregarious and always the life of the party?Are you naturally more soft-spoken and quiet?

Yes, there are considerations regarding good speaking practices (projecting your voice, speaking with a language your audience can understand, etc). Furthermore, bad habits should never be dismissed as just “part of your personality.”

However, your natural personality should flavor your speech, lesson, business pitch, or sermon in a way that makes it uniquely yours.

Practice Makes Permanent…not Perfect

There is an old adage that I have heard from music directors, coaches, and school teachers alike. The statement goes like this, “Practice makes perfect.” Such a statement is made with the underlying suggestion that, if you practice enough times, eventually you’ll get it perfect.

The problem, however, is that practice does NOT equate to perfection.

Allow me to explain by offering an example.

Can you guess how many perfect games have been thrown in the history of Major League Baseball?

Before I give you the answer, I want to clarify a few details about this question:

Per MLB rules, a perfect game occurs when no batter of the opposing team reaches any base. None by walks, hits, or errors.As of December 2022, MLB has had over 140 years of activity including over 235,500 games played.For well over a century, MLB pitchers have been professionals who hone their craft, even in the offseason, to be more accurate, faster, and craftier in their approaches.

With all that in mind, how many perfect games do you think have taken place?

The answer is 23.

I mention this because, with all of the improvements in physical, physiological, and psychological training, perfect games are still a rarity. If adequate practice resulted in perfection, it would be easy to place blame on any major league pitcher for NOT yet having a perfect game. One could claim they simply had not yet worked hard enough.

While the underlying motive of “practice makes perfect” is valuable. The resulting expectations overlook human imperfection and error. That is why I like how football coach Vince Lombardi tweaked this statement. He said, “Practice does not make perfect. But only practice makes permanent.”

Any task you perform on repeat: a golf swing, rehearsing a piece of music, or speaking in public, will inevitably create pathways in your brain that you are more likely to repeat over and over. Thus, if you have swung a golf club 1,000 times with the same hitch in your swing, your brain has learned to swing with that hitch. Conversely, if you focus on practicing a piece of music in a manner similar to how you might perform it in front of an audience, your mind and body will learn the piece and the performance in a way that makes it all feel like second nature (i.e. permanent).

When it comes to giving a speech, pitch, lesson, or sermon, what you do repeatedly will develop a permanence in your brain. How you prepare, how you practice, and even the gestures or tendencies you use during talks will become second nature…whether you intend them to or not.

So as you approach your next talk, lesson, speech, or sermon, pay attention to your process. Pay attention to those pieces that have become second nature. Perhaps even invite a coach or trusted friend to point out some of your less-effective tendencies. Because whatever you do repeatedly, whatever you practice over and over will eventually become permanent.

Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Poorly

There is an old adage that says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well!”

This proverb, like many others, is often attributed to a variety of figures throughout history. In reality, however, no one can be certain who said it first. And, to be clear, the heart behind this statement is beneficial as it places a focus on completing tasks with excellence and intentionally.

However, what if the task you are about to undertake is one where you have no experience?

What if you have zero learned skills because you are embarking on something new?

A child learning to walk will inevitably fall many times. Someone learning to speak, write, sing or dance professionally is likely to do it poorly at the outset. Learning to play an instrument, using a new programming language, taking up a new sport, or even handling financial investments with a different approach will inevitably lead to dozens, hundreds, and sometimes thousands of mistakes before excellence is visible on the horizon.

In most cases, those mistakes will be minor opportunities to learn. In some instances, those mistakes may take a high toll physically, emotionally, or financially.

Yet, despite the many mistakes and failures, despite the lack of achieving excellence, efforts in these areas are still very worthwhile. To say it another way, it is all still very worth doing.

To grow in an area — be it personally, professionally, physically, emotionally, etc — is difficult. Any intentional undertaking involves setting aside fear and recognizing the potential of failure. Thus, every time you decide to do something new, albeit perhaps poorly, is an instance of you choosing to persevere, choosing to act in spite of fear, and choosing to grow.

Yes, excellence should be a goal in areas where we can achieve a task with excellence. However, excellence must never be the factor determining if a task is worth doing. Because anything truly worth doing is worth doing poorly.

What is the Purpose of your Talk?

How often have you decided to “wing it” when asked to speak?

Don’t get me wrong, improvisation certainly has its place when doing live Q & A’s, when something unexpected happens, or in the natural flow of playing off an audience. If your goal is nothing more than to introduce yourself casually or fill time, this is 100% fine.

Yet, what if you want to speak in such a way that your audience remembers and is impacted by your message?

The chance of achieving that on the fly is quite small.

Thus, one of the key steps in your preparation process should be considering the question, “What is my presentation’s primary purpose?” Yes, your talk may involve several of the following facets, but what, ultimately, is your goal when you finish? Besides getting through a talk in one piece, how will you know if you achieved what you set out to do?

That all stems from identifying the purpose.

Here are some of the most common purposes you may have for your talk.

(Note: to remember these I use the acronym EMP and add another E at the front. So…EEMP).

ENTERTAIN

In some situations, your sole goal for a presentation is to be entertaining. This does not mean you need to take on the role of a comedian, but you do need to be engaging. perhaps you plan to use your time telling riveting stories. Maybe you wish to WOW the audience by presenting an immersive artwork experience. All such tactics would be entertaining by their very nature.

In some cases such as a keynote or light-hearted evening, entertainment may be your sole objective. In others, you may want to have some entertainment just sprinkled in. These approaches are fine, just recognize as you begin that this is what you’re trying to achieve.

EDUCATE

A significant portion of presentations I have sat through personally have the goal of educating their audience. This is understandable because most of the time we’re giving lessons about a topic or have been asked to speak about a subject where we have knowledge.

The danger as a presenter, however, is potentially speaking about information in which our audience has no interest and feels no tension. I spoke some here about developing that tension to help your talk move from being a lecture to being an informative discussion about a topic of interest.

MOTIVATE

Is there a specific action step you want your audience to take based on your presentation? Then your primary purpose is to motivate. Sure, this will likely involve educating about a particular issue, but the impact will resonate in the call to action. There, your audience will feel spurred on to do something in their own lives.

PERSUADE

In some circumstances, your desire is to convince an audience to align themselves with your way of thinking. Or maybe, if they begin from a place of staunch opposition, simply open themselves up to considering the topic from your side. Sure, entertainment might make you more likable and information may make your presentation more educational, but the end goal, from your perspective, is a change of heart and mind.

Think about your next presentation. What is your primary purpose? What do you hope to achieve? Because only then, can you begin to figure out how to make that happen.

**NOTE: To see how this fits into my system of developing a talk, take a peek here. 

Making a Talk Memorable – Part 2: Illustrations

“A picture is worth a thousand words.”

This is probably a statement you have heard, no pun intended, over a thousand times. Attributed to advertising executive Fred R. Barnard, the implications of this statement are easy to figure out. While you can spend minutes or hours pouring out hundreds of words to make your point, a picture can often have the same impact with just a glance.

But what difference does that make when you’re a speaker attempting to convey an idea through a talk, lesson, business pitch, or message?

For some, maybe even you, this may seem frustrating.  You may be one who meticulously develops a talk, agonizing over every word and idea to be shared. Only to have some right-brained person draw an image that explains the concept as well, or better so that everyone can understand it at a glance.

For example, the image above was drawn by Drew Dodd, who was my Student Minister at the time. We were at a conference and, by doing some casual doodling, expressed the entire workshop on half a page.

My brain doesn’t work that way.

However, that is not to say that even a left-brained-dominant person such as me cannot employ illustrations and visual aids to help drive home the meaning of my talk. Here, then, are three questions that you might be able to use to help identify an illustration for your next presentation.

Where do I see my idea in practice?

Imagine you are instructing on the topic of safety at a construction site. While most understand the importance of securing tools, use of hard hats, etc, some see the practice as unnecessary and overly cautious. Imagine having three kleenexes on every chair in the room as people come in. While you’ll get some questions, ask them to hold onto the items until your talk. Then, while in your talk, take a moment to explain how kleenexes are often used to teach juggling. And, having everyone stand up, you want them to try their hand at juggling for the first time.

Such an activity would only need to take 60-90 seconds. Yet, you can ask how many of them dropped something they intended to hang onto. Chances are high a majority of them have. The idea can then be driven home how the use of something like a hard hat is most important, not because you might make a mistake, but because you work with a lot of people who might.

Where do I see the opposite of my idea?

Similar to the example above, an illustration can be offered about where someone disregarded safety procedures and the result was catastrophic. However, be cautious with the use of such examples as a gruesome story or image can overshadow anything you want to say.

Still, examples and illustrations where someone did NOT plan, did NOT take appropriate measures, or did NOT do what you are speaking about can drive home the importance of your idea.

How might I compare my idea?

In a locker room, you might see an image of an iceberg with the caption “success.” Chances are good you would recognize that image to represent how the unseen work (the part of the iceberg that is under the water) is vaster and more important than that which is visible. Illustrations like this are common, and certainly available for your talk.

However, you will likely find greater impact using illustrations and connections that are not as well-known.

As a pastor, you can speak about the word for sin coming from an archery term meaning, “to miss the mark.”As a motivational speaker, you can carry around a crate to then stand on and proclaim how Shakespeare said, “All the world is a stage!”As a grief counselor, you can place an object inside a balloon and, while incrementally inflating the balloon, demonstrate how we will “bounce up” against grief less and less over time, even if it never goes away.

If you naturally have a strong ability to see relationships and make connections, this may come easily for you. Of course, you can always ask a friend who can help you in this way.

So how about you? What are some of the methods you use to determine illustrations, examples, and visual aids for your talks?

Making a Talk Memorable – Part 1: A Through-line

“I have a dream…”

These words were stated by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on August 28, 1963, in Washington, D.C. While the phrase is short and simple, only four words, it has come to be one of the most recognizable and renowned speeches in all American history. In fact, chances are good that even upon reading those four words, your mind conjured the sound of Dr. King’s voice as broadcast from his spot in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

However, this post is not about the historical significance of a speech by Dr. King. This speech does, however, pose the ultimate example of using a through-line in a talk to help make a lasting impact.

A through-line, by definition, is just what it sounds like. It is a line of reasoning, a repeated statement or illustration that, like a thread, is woven throughout different parts of your talk. While few people will ever have a message that resonates as far and wide as Dr. King, that should not keep you from exploring the use of a through-line for your next speech, lesson, pitch, or sermon.

Consider these potential examples:

In an effort to promote volunteerism, your introduction includes a story about how as a youth, you wanted nothing more than to get off the bench and get in the game. This phrase, “get in the game” becomes woven throughout your talk even including it as a part of the end as a call to action.In a lesson about the functions and importance of Human Resources, perhaps you have a line such as, “Without your people, you don’t have a business. Who in your business is caring for your people?”In a speech to high school students about kindness, you demonstrate the throwing of a boomerang. Without explicitly making the statement, you are able to throw the boomerang throughout the talk demonstrating how acts of kindness will ultimately come back to you.

A through-line can take various forms, and does not need to be as overt as “I have a dream.” However, the usage of a rhetorical tactic like a through-line can provide a great way to make your talk memorable and increase its impact.

What Do You Do When Something Goes Wrong?

Something is going to go wrong.

I don’t want to be a downer, but I also want you to go into this next talk, speech, lesson, or sermon with realistic expectations. Before or while you speak, something is likely to go wrong.

In most cases, that disruption is likely to be minor. Yes, major disruptions can happen (I had the fire alarm go off once when I was speaking), but that is a rarity. Most disruptions will be minor and have little lasting impact on your message.

For example, as you begin to speak you may find that your microphone is still muted. Perhaps when you are in the midst of making an important point, someone’s cell phone will begin loudly playing the opening bars from Sweet Home Alabama. Or maybe you have a point that is supposed to show up on the screen, and for some reason, it doesn’t.

These are the types of disruptions that can, and often will happen as you speak.

So what do you do when something goes wrong?

Here are the three options I most often lean on when something has gone wrong over my 20+ years of public speaking and preaching.

Ignore the Disruption

While you are fully aware that something has gone wrong, your audience may or may not realize it. One option, especially for minor issues, is simply to ignore what has happened and continue on.

The slide has not come up? Keep going as though nothing is wrong.

Lost your place? Repeat your last phrase as you look through your notes to figure out what is next.

Even in those moments where the audience is fully aware of the disruption (cell phone, someone passes gas, someone is noisily opening their mint), the audience will sympathize with you as they recognize you are simply pushing on and trying to communicate what you have prepared.

Lean Into What Happened

One word of caution for this one – NEVER do this in a way that will make someone else feel embarrassed or called out.

For example, never look to the person whose phone is going off and say, “Is that for me? Should I stop so you can take that?” Instead of sympathizing with you, this can actually turn your audience against you as you could be received as a jerk.

However, there are ways to recognize what has happened, without anyone feeling called out. With the cell phone example a response such as, I love that song… can allow everyone to chuckle at the incident rather than making someone feel shame for their mistake. If the sound suddenly messes up, after giving a few seconds to allow those in the tech booth to adapt, you can offer to grab another mic or just turn your mic off and project your voice if the venue is conducive to it.

In some circumstances, you might feel it best to acknowledge what happened. That’s fine. Just make sure you never do it in a way to embarrass someone else.

Poke Fun – But Only At Yourself

Connected to my last recommendation, this one needs to be handled delicately, but can certainly turn out well if you are good on your feet. Let’s say you made a typo on the screen which is obvious to everyone. It’s ok to say something like, “Well you can see the slide says, ‘Sale for Tomorrow’ apparently my spell check wasn’t working. That’s supposed to say, ‘Save for Tomorrow.’ I’m my own personal assistant so I’ll need to have a word with myself tomorrow morning.”

Playful, self-deprecating humor can endear you to the audience and can be a casual way to deal with disruptions when they come up.

So, what have been some disruptions you have dealt with?

What are some of the tactics you’ve used when things don’t go as planned?

Let me know by emailing Mark@MarkMessmore.com or tweeting me: @mmessmore.

Give Yourself Permission to Do Something Poorly

When was the last time you tried an activity that was utterly foreign to you?

I’m talking about an activity or hobby that you had never previously attempted but decided to try. Maybe you decided to learn a new language or learn to play the piano. Perhaps it was a task that was otherwise familiar to you (such as how you golf, paint or balance your checkbook), but the method you employed to complete said task was entirely new.

For most of us, taking on a new activity feels weird. Even if the move is one we chose, it can feel very frustrating to struggle with a task we see others do with ease.

It’s for this reason that many never push themselves to try something new.

For many, the awkwardness and discomfort are far too much to endure. Even if we tell ourselves, “I’m new at this” many have an underlying expectation of being proficient, if not excellent, at their new venture. Sure, we might never carry such an expectation with others, but for ourselves, we expect something different. It may be our first time, but we expect ourselves to be good.

A little over a year ago, I began a journey to write, and publish my first book. During that process, I had to pick up a mantra that I’ve used with my kids as well as in various arenas of my own life since.

When trying a new task, I need to give myself permission to do it poorly.

I get that this sounds weird, especially if you are someone (like I) who promotes values of excellence and effort.

But this statement is not a justification for poor results. This statement is one meant to liberate us from the expectations (said or unsaid) that we need to be great at everything the first time. This statement allows us the freedom to learn, grow, and develop over time. This statement provides permission…to be human.

Perhaps this is not something you struggle with, but I’ve seen it in my own life as well as in the lives of many others. When developing your public speaking voice, writing process, artistic personality, or leadership philosophy, the difficulty of the new can often paralyze us. That awkwardness of learning something, and doing it poorly, can keep us from the type of growth that would help us reach a new level of effectiveness.

So, let me ask you friend, where in your life do you need to give yourself permission to do something poorly? Not as an excuse, but as a segue to doing that task with the type of excellence you ultimately desire.

When It Stops Getting Better, It Stops Being Good

“When it stops getting better, it stops being good.”

This quote is one I heard a thousand times during my college years. It was a favorite of our choir director, Dr. Mark “D” Deakins as he continually pushed his groups to grow and improve. It wasn’t long into my college experience that “D” would begin the quote only for everyone else in the room to finish for him.

As college kids we groaned about this. We did not enjoy being pushed because we thought “good enough” was…well…good enough. We would have happily settled into an easier rhythm of lighter work and simpler performance pieces.

We also knew that he was right.

We knew that if we chose to settle for “good enough”, the quality of our performances, passion and drive inevitably drop. Therefore it did not matter that this small college of 600 had a program of such quality that it sang at Carnegie Hall. It did not matter that a Christian College choir had been invited to Cuba, yes…Cuba, in 2004 to sing songs that were both secular and explicitly Christian. Past accomplishments were to be celebrated, certainly. However, the perspective was always forward. How do we improve? How do we get better?

Because when it stops getting better, it stops being good.

When it comes to preaching, public speaking, teaching and more, the temptation can certainly be to settle into a groove of “good enough.” Most of the time, your audience (or congregation), will be just fine with “good enough.” Most of the time, “good enough” will allow you the opportunity to ease off the gas and relax. Most of the time, “good enough” will frankly be considered good enough for those around you.

But what if you didn’t make a habit of settling for “good enough?”

What if you chose to push yourself? What if you chose to focus on details that perhaps only you will notice? What if you actively chose to dig in and continue improving?

What if “good enough” was not good enough?

Granted, there are some spaces I’ve accepted “good enough.” I’m ok with my mile times being slower at 41 than they were at 30. In that regard, I’m perfectly content to just remain active and fit. I’ve also recognized I have ZERO desire to learn more about plumbing or electrical work. I’m more than happy to call a handyman instead.

But over the last decade, even as my interests have expanded, I’m continuing to learn the value of not accepting “good enough.”

I certainly have more to learn about the craft of preaching. But now I’m also writing. Thus, I’m furthering my understanding of the publishing world, preaching trends, and even an understanding of how to coach others.

All these things I invest in because of messages about continual improvement like those instilled into me by Dr. Deakins.

So with that in mind allow me to ask you a question. What would change  if you decided that “good enough” was not good enough?