Trudy J. Morgan-Cole's Blog, page 67

Writing Wednesday 25: Q & A

Well, there’s nothing particularly profound to say about today’s episode except that it features me answering a bunch of questions (seven, I think) in honour of it being my 25th vlog. I solicited questions from people on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter (and here on the blog, but nobody posted any here) and they covered a wide range of topics from the advantages of traditional publishing vs self-publishing to what books I read to my kids when they were small. Thanks to all who sent me questions … Enjoy!

Parenting: The Curse of the Normal

Apart from the everyday joys and stresses of raising two kids, today’s post is inspired by two things. One is reading Emily Rapp’s searing memoir about caring for a dying child, The Still Point of the Turning World. The second is a chance encounter with the mother of two of my former students. Both her sons finished high school with us, and it’s pretty much a given that if kids end up finishing high school in the adult-ed program where I teach, they’ve experienced some significant difficulties along the way to a high school diploma. Those difficulties might not be academic or learning-related — both this woman’s sons were brilliant — but it turns out there are a hundred things that can derail a kid from getting through high school, and parents are often taken completely by surprise.

Chatting with this woman, I was struck by how much as parents (I’m no different!) we expect our children’s lives to be an orderly progression from one stage to the next. I’m not even talking about some kind of helicopter super-parenting here, where parents are stressing out about getting their kids into the right preschool so they can make it into the right college (to be honest I’ve only encountered those kind of parents in magazine articles, blog posts, and fiction, never in real life). I’m just talking about the expectation most of us have that our kids will enter kindergarten and progress through to high school graduation and post-secondary without any hiccups more significant than the occasional poor mark on a report card. Socially, we expect them to progress from first crushes to high-school dates to a healthy, long-term (usually heterosexual) relationship. And the end result of all this should be a healthy, happy adult with a productive career and a thriving marriage, who produces similarly “normal” grandchildren. It doesn’t seem so much to ask, does it?

As I asked my former students’ mom how her sons were doing now, she happily reported that one was “back on track” (i.e., in university). The other was still “living the dream,” she told me with an ironic eyeroll (in fact, I knew a little bit about this young man’s current adventures from Facebook and friends, and while he seems to be doing fine, it’s obvious the dream he’s living is his own and not the one his parents had for him). She talked about how this whole circle of boys who had gone to school and been friends together for years had ended up having trouble completing school, and how blindsided the parents were. (“The girls from the same group were all fine!” she told me. “They’re all convocating now!”) I knew this, of course, because I’d taught several of these young men. In her bewilderment I heard the echo of every parent who has never expected anything more than “a normal life” for his or her child.

That obsession with “normal” started early, as most of us pored over “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” followed by “What to Expect the First Year” and “What to Expect in the Toddler Years.” Was I the only parent who felt lost and devastated when those books simply stopped at age 3? How am I supposed to know what to expect next???? I remember wondering with a sense of panic. Although by that time, I think I already guessed that there were no guidebooks and maps for the rest of the journey, and many parents had already jettisoned the books long before that, recognizing that no-one can ever really tell you what to expect.

But the seductive lure of those books was that you could go to them with the persistent “Is this normal?” question and find at least an overview of what was normal-ish. Baby not crawling at ten months? Not talking by fifteen months? Am I seeing normal variation in meeting developmental milestones, or something I should be concerned about?

Emily Rapp discovered when her son was nine months old that he had Tay-Sachs disease, a rare and always fatal condition that meant he would not live past the age of three. As I read her brutally honest memoir, I thought about how much of our parenting is (necessarily) oriented toward the future. Even if I feel like in the whirl of everyday life I’m just surviving from moment to moment, the truth is that I’m nagging my kids about homework while trying to cook a relatively healthy meal and referreeing their sibling quarrels because I believe all this education, nutrition and discipline will do them some good later in life. In a hopefully “normal” life. You can’t avoid this future orientation as a parent, yet reading Rapp’s book made me think about what it’s like for parents who don’t have that future orientation, who can do nothing but love and care for their children in the here and now.

As kids get older, our questions about “what’s normal” don’t end; they just change. Is my teen’s rebellious attitude normal, or does he have Oppositional Defiant Disorder? Are her mood swings normal, or could she be suffering from clinical depression? Is her horrible boyfriend just a phase she’s going through or is she going to end up as an abused teen mom living on social assistance? Is his lack of interest in schoolwork normal or will he be living in a big-city apartment in his 20s, working minimum-wage jobs while trying to line up gigs for his band? And if he is … will that be such a bad thing? (Admittedly this last one is a bit inspired by the mom I chatted with last week, but as I am also the mom of a budding rockstar who’s not overly enthused about school, it’s not entirely irrelevant to my own concerns).

So far, in 15 years of parenting, 25 years of teaching and youth work, and 47 years of being a human, I’ve never met one parent who has raised a normal child. Normal is an illusion, and if you see someone who appears to be living a normal life, I can assure you there’s been some speedbump along their path that you may not have seen. Not that it’s wrong to question whether our and our children’s problems are typical or whether they require interventions. Not that it’s wrong to have dreams and aspirations, for ourselves and for our children. But for goodness’ sake, let’s go a little easy on ourselves and on our children in the ceaseless quest for normal. Because we’re chasing something that doesn’t really exist.

 

Searching Sabbath 09: The Life, Death and Resurrection of Christ

Here it is: this week’s Searching Sabbath. There’s a lot to wrestle with here in what I think is really the FIRST fundamental belief — how we view the role of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. I understand why the SDA fundamental beliefs put the Bible as belief #1 (because, as I’m learning more and more in exploring this, what you believe about Biblical inspiration really shapes all the rest of your beliefs). But to me it seems obvious that the heart of Christianity is what you believe about Jesus.

There’s so much to say here and I’ve only scratched the surface in the video above by talking about Penal Substitutionary Atonement and some of the different views people hold on Jesus’ death and resurrection and what it means for us. I didn’t even get to talk about whether those who don’t explicitly state belief in Jesus can still be saved by His sacrifice and death, which is a huge issue when we think of faithful godly people in non-Christian religions. Nor did I get to touch on the fact that it’s hard to hold the “life, death, and resurrection of Jesus” in balance. So many Christians seem to emphasize one of those (in the case of conservative evangelicals, usually His death) at the expense of the others. N.T. Wright’s work has been really influential in helping me think about what Jesus’ life means. It was more than just a prelude to the Crucifixion!

As always, I’m very interested to see what emerges in comments. So far, my post about Jesus as “God the Son” has had the most active comment section of any of these, so I’m hoping some people will want to continue that discussion in comments on this week’s topic.

For anyone who’s been enjoying my conversation with Ed Dickerson about Genesis and Creation, Ed has posted a new video here. However, I won’t get around to posting a “Sunday Supplement” until next  Sunday — I haven’t had time yet to finish watching, absorbing, and formulating a response. Stay tuned for more!!

Writing Wednesday 24: The Black Snowbanks of Spring

It’s March, and the gradual, messy process of melting has begun. Of course, at any moment we have to be braced for a new snowstorm. Spring here is a process of two steps forward, one — or probably three — steps back. That got me thinking about how often a creative process, like writing, can be messy in the same way a Newfoundland spring is. You think you’re making progress, and then … you get slammed back and wonder if you’re making any progress at all.

I am, though. Making progress, that is. I’ve gotten to the end of the section of the book that I wrote during NaNoWriMo and given it a vigorous going-over with my red pen, and now I have to input all those changes into the computer. Soon I should be really moving forward and writing new words!

Big news on the vlog is that next week will be my 25th Writing Wednesday! I want to do a Q&A video for my 25th, so if you have any questions about writing, books, or anything you’ve ever wanted to ask me or any other writer — post in the comments here, and I’ll try to answer it in next week’s video.

Sunday Supplement 02: Testing Truths

My conversation with Ed Dickerson about the Genesis Creation story continues this week. Please note Ed was clever enough to use a picture of my beautiful hometown as a backdrop. I am less clever so my backdrop is the usual scene of my bookshelves. I filmed this the same time as this week’s Searching Sabbath, so I’m still (unintentionally) showing off my pajama bottoms. Next week it’s back to black jeans, I promise. Also, for anyone like Jennifer S. or my mom who was concerned, the bandaid on my arm is from giving blood, not having it taken or anything else put in!

Enough about me … back to Genesis. I’m enjoying this exchange with Ed, though I don’t know if I’m any closer to having answers. In fact, once the concept of “testing truths” was introduced by Ed, I may have moved even further away from having answers. But I find the discussion — not just with Ed but with those of you who post comments — very helpful. Below, here’s Ed’s latest video and then my response.

Searching Sabbath 02: Testing Truths

My conversation with Ed Dickerson about the Genesis Creation story continues this week. Please note Ed was clever enough to use a picture of my beautiful hometown as a backdrop. I am less clever so my backdrop is the usual scene of my bookshelves. I filmed this the same time as this week’s Searching Sabbath, so I’m still (unintentionally) showing off my pajama bottoms. Next week it’s back to black jeans, I promise. Also, for anyone like Jennifer S. or my mom who was concerned, the bandaid on my arm is from giving blood, not having it taken or anything else put in!

Enough about me … back to Genesis. I’m enjoying this exchange with Ed, though I don’t know if I’m any closer to having answers. In fact, once the concept of “testing truths” was introduced by Ed, I may have moved even further away from having answers. But I find the discussion — not just with Ed but with those of you who post comments — very helpful. Below, here’s Ed’s latest video and then my response.

Searching Sabbath 08: The Great Controversy

Important note: When I shot this video, I thought I had it framed so that you could only see me from the waist up and wouldn’t see that I was wearing pajama bottoms. By the time I realized my jammies were in-frame, it was too late to re-shoot. Not a big problem in the context of the great cosmic conflict between the powers of good and evil, maybe, but still … I didn’t intend for my pajama bottoms to be on the internet. OK, now that I’ve got that off my chest, on to the Great Controversy!

All humanity is now involved in a great controversy between Christ and Satan regarding the character of God, His law, and His sovereignty over the universe. This conflict originated in heaven when a created being, endowed with freedom of choice, in self-exaltation became Satan, God’s adversary, and led into rebellion a portion of the angels. He introduced the spirit of rebellion into this world when he led Adam and Eve into sin. This human sin resulted in the distortion of the image of God in humanity, the disordering of the created world, and its eventual devastation at the time of the worldwide flood. Observed by the whole creation, this world became the arena of the universal conflict, out of which the God of love will ultimately be vindicated. To assist His people in this controversy, Christ sends the Holy Spirit and the loyal angels to guide, protect, and sustain them in the way of salvation.—Fundamental Beliefs, 8

 

This week’s fundamental belief is one that, as I explain in the video above, was so much a part of my worldview growing up that I never questioned it or even knew that there were Christians who viewed the universe differently. Seeing things in the framework of a great cosmic conflict between God and the devil appeals to my imagination. Is that really what’s going on behind the scenes? I recognize now that the Biblical foundation for this worldview rests on a few carefully chosen Bible passages (Isaiah 14, Ezekiel 28, the first bit of Job, Revelation 12) and that these must be read through a certain interpretive lens to bring out the “Great Controversy” picture that seemed so clear to me as a child.

I’m also starting to understand, as I get older, why this view is unappealing to some people. Some believe it gives too much power to a literal devil. Others believe it would be unfair of God to allow billions of people to be, essentially, playing pieces in a game that’s proving a point about His character to the universe — but that allows those people to suffer horribly, sometimes for the whole of their short lives. But what’s the alternative? A universe of random evil and a God (if one exists at all) who is either powerless to stop it or refuses to do so? That’s hardly more comforting, nor does it create a better picture of God to worship.

So I stick with the Great Controversy picture of the cosmos despite its troubling weaknesses. But I’m interested in what others believe too, and how they explain the problem of evil in the face of a loving God. Because that’s what the doctrine of the Great Controversy really is: it’s Adventist theodicy, our attempt to explain why in a universe created by a good God, horrible things happen. Our answer is, ultimately, look at the big picture. We’re playing a long game here; ultimately your suffering will be vindicated and glory will be yours. Does that “big picture” thinking comfort you or seem remote when everything’s falling to pieces in your life?

I guess one of my struggles is that I’ve lived a pretty comfortable, easy life, with not a lot of suffering (so far). So when I say, “Oh, we’re all part of a great cosmic experiment; God’s justice is being vindicated in the eyes of the whole universe and His way will be proved right in the end!” I hear the voice of some starving person on the other side of the world whisper, “Easy for you to say!” And yet it seems like parts of the world where people have experienced the most horrific suffering are often much quicker to embrace a theology that says that justice and reward are coming at some future time, than we in the West who like our rewards here and now, thank you very much.

What do you think?

Writing Wednesday 23: Interview With a Character

This week’s Writing Wednesday video finds me trying a writing technique I’ve always considered a little bit “gimmicky” — that is, “interviewing” a character to help me better understand her motivation and/or to move past a spot where I’m blocked in my writing.

I found this fun to do but not really terribly useful. I didn’t feel that I understood anything new about Lily than I did before, and that I probably would have learned more if I’d spent the same time adding a new scene or editing an old one. But the acting part was fun! I think I probably shouldn’t quit my day job …

Sunday Supplement: Conversations with Ed (1)

As you know if you’ve been reading along, my Searching Sabbath videos took on a new twist when fellow Adventist writer and video-blogger Ed Dickerson offered to engage in a “video dialogue” with me. Ed has been doing a series of videos about the book of Genesis and offered to respond to some of the questions I raised about the Genesis creation story and what it says about our origins. I think it’s a great idea to engage in dialogue. I also think his video, which cuts between my questions and his answers, makes me look like a squirrel with ADHD on speed, compared to his laid-back and relaxed presentation style, but that’s OK — we all have our different onscreen attitudes and personas. Mine is just a little more hyper than Ed’s. Anyway, if the whole Genesis, Creation/Evolution, origins question interests you, please watch the two videos below — Ed’s response to last week’s “Searching Sabbath” and then my response to him. I’m still left with lots of questions! Feel free to add to the discussion in comments.

Searching Sabbath 07: The Nature of (Hu)Man(ity)

Well, to be honest I expected a lot more response (and was braced for a lot more negative response, but also hoping for some enlightenment from the wise and learned) to the blog on Creation last week, but in addition to the two people were kind enough to leave comments I did get, as promised, one excellent video response. You can view Ed Dickerson’s video response to me here, and tomorrow I’ll be posting a “Sunday Supplement” in which I reply to him.

Because we’ve got that tangential dialogue going now about Creation vs evolution (and I’m eager for other people to jump in with comments and insights — don’t feel you need to make a video, just comment!) I’m going to leave aside the Creationist element of today’s topic, Seventh-day Adventist fundamental belief #7: The Nature of Man, and concentrate on some other aspects. The text of the belief states:

Man and woman were made in the image of God with individuality, the power and freedom to think and to do. Though created free beings, each is an indivisible unity of body, mind, and spirit, dependent upon God for life and breath and all else. When our first parents disobeyed God, they denied their dependence upon Him and fell from their high position under God. The image of God in them was marred and they became subject to death. Their descendants share this fallen nature and its consequences. They are born with weaknesses and tendencies to evil. But God in Christ reconciled the world to Himself and by His Spirit restores in penitent mortals the image of their Maker. Created for the glory of God, they are called to love Him and one another, and to care for their environment.

As my title for today’s video and blog post suggests, I’m more comfortable with the term “nature of humanity” than “nature of man,” but otherwise, this statement of belief is one of the things I really like about the Seventh-day Adventist church. I like that it affirms the indivisible unity of body, mind and spirit — no disembodied soul living on after us. This has huge implications, as we’ll see later, for our beliefs about what happens after death — but it also has huge implications for how we live here and now, since it implies that our bodies and what we do with them matter.

I also like the fact that (as is further explored in the chapter accompanying this statement in Seventh-day Adventists Believe), while Adventists do believe in the Fall and in the fact that we have a sinful nature with “weaknesses and tendencies to evil,” we don’t share either the Original Sin doctrine of our Catholic friends or the “total depravity” doctrine of our Calvinist friends. Human nature, in the Adventist view, is a mixed bag — weakened by sin and fatally prone to selfishness, but also still reflecting the image of God. In other words, a mixed bag — just as we all recognize it to be when we look at each other and at ourselves.

Finally, I like that humanity’s role in being given “dominion” over the earth is clearly interpreted here as stewardship and care for the environment — the perfect theological framework for a commitment to  Christian environmentalism that most areas of Adventism have not developed nearly as fully as we could or should.