Christiane Knight's Blog, page 3
December 21, 2024
Do you banish the night, Set the world alight?
It’s the longest night, the shortest day, and now is the time to go to ground, huddle in blankets, tend the fires and look to the stars. This is when I think about what’s to come, a seed sleeping in the dark dreaming of the time when I’ll sprout, then burst forth, ready to reach for the sun.
This is when I reassess who I’ve been and want to become, and make plans for the future. I don’t do “resolutions” but I feel that mapping out the solid, informed steps to the things I’d like to have happen in my life is a smart way to make sure I don’t drift aimlessly through the year to come.
Plus, it’s fun! I love the feeling of possibility.
I mentioned this over at my Ko-fi, but I use a printable planner that I put together a while back in order to get a handle on my planning and to enact it throughout the year, The Magickal Life Planner. I used to sell it but after printable planners fell out of fashion over digital ones, I backburnered it. I prefer paper, though, so I still use it and find it extremely helpful!
So I’ll be putting mine together for the New Year and I decided I’d invite some folks along to do it and share our insights if we want. You can join me live in Zoom to do yours, or watch me fill mine out then do yours later. I’ll provide the link for downloading the Planner plus a few extras for you that I’ll talk about in our chat as well, when you register.
You are invited to a Zoom meeting.
When: Dec 30, 2024 02:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)
Register in advance for this meeting:
https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZEpcuivpzojE9BEQctHl5OaaEZ34gQ20Mtb
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting. If you don’t receive a second email from me [Christiane] shortly after with your downloadable planner, let me know and I’ll get it to you!
Are you ready to fight, Turn the wrong back to right?Things are ready to get much more unpleasant here in the US, come January. That will shape much of my planning for 2025, and likely your planning as well. Having a solid, thoughtful, and most importantly flexible roadmap laid out will help a lot; it’s a useful distraction, a way to stay focused on the things we [mostly] can control. It’s empowering in a time that will be ruled by people who want to take away our power. It’s not at all revolutionary to plan for the future…or is it?
Planning is making a powerful statement of confidence. We are here. We’re not going anywhere, dammit. We are actively fighting for a beautiful future.
It’s exhausting to think of the fighting we may have to do in the future, even before that fight has started. In part that’s because we’ve already been fighting. Rising fascism, the strengthening of patriarchy and the rolling back of protections and advancements for those who need them and deserve them the most, late stage capitalism, the efforts by the rich to crush the general population firmly back into the role of serfs. Those things have always been there but they have begun to gain even more power, and it’s not hard to see the direction that not just the US but the world is tilting toward.
We need to stand together even more than ever. We need to use what privileges we’re lucky enough to still possess to protect those of us with less than ourselves. As Vali would say: we’re stronger together. My planning will include more mutual support, more donations of whatever I have to give, more kindness and righteous anger when needed and even more speaking out and standing beside those who need my strength. I’m older, I’m chronically ill, I’m poor. Still, I’ll do these things to the best of my ability because that’s what my personal moral code demands.
The ideas in my stories come directly from my own beliefs and morals. I write what I want to see in the world. I want equity and compassion and community, so that’s what I talk about and what my characters represent and defend. It’s that simple.
It’s going to be hard, friends, but we’ll get through this if we take care of each other. We’re all we have right now.
I’m grateful for you.
My supporters are the best! If you’d like to read my thoughts about the craft and business of writing before anyone else, or just throw me a couple of bucks for some tea, you can do that here: https://ko-fi.com/threeravenspress
The post Do you banish the night, Set the world alight? appeared first on Christiane Knight.
December 18, 2024
It’s Voting for the Indie Ink Awards Time!
Voting is OPEN at the Indie Ink Awards, and all three of the Eleriannan books have been nominated! [THANK YOU]
It’s an honor to even be considered, because nominations come from readers. I’d really love to get into the finals, but I know that’s a difficult task at best, because there are so many other fantastic books in the running. So I’m asking that if you choose to vote for my books, would you concentrate on A Third Kind of Madness? I consider it the best thing I’ve written so far, and I’d really love this sapphic-love-filled fantasy with characters that need a hug and elementals that show up randomly to either admonish or assist them to get some attention. Denny is close to my heart and is the character that the most people have told me makes them feel seen, and that’s a feeling I’d love to give to more readers.
Without your help, it’s hard to get seen by the reading public.
If you could take some time to go to https://indiestorygeek.com/a/indie-ink-awards-2024 and vote for ATKOM, I will be VERY grateful. And if–somehow–A Third Kind of Madness makes it as a finalist in any category, I could be motivated to write a special behind the scenes short story for y’all…
[It’s already in the works, so be assured that you’ll see it either way. I wouldn’t leave you hanging like that!]
Seriously though, these competitions do motivate indie writers like me to keep going. It’s tough out here, especially these days when everything feels like a struggle, but especially creative output that one has to fight to get seen. So every time y’all nominate my books, it feels like a warm hug and a vote of confidence to keep going. I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know.
Let’s get some votes for biromantic and nonbinary rep, from a queer author, and make Denny blush from all the attention! [and me, let’s be honest]
Category for In Sleep You Know and Cast a Shadow of DoubtCategories for A Third Kind of MadnessWriting the Future We Need: Bisexual or Biromantic Representation
Writing the Future We Need: LGBTQ+ Representation
Writing the Future We Need: Mental Health Representation
Writing the Future We Need: Trans or Nonbinary Representation
Reminder: you need to be signed into your Indie Story Geek account to vote! If you don’t have one, you should; it’s a great tool for readers like us!
The post It’s Voting for the Indie Ink Awards Time! appeared first on Christiane Knight.
December 6, 2024
Come see me at Charm City Spec!
It’s almost time!
If you haven’t yet heard me read from A Third Kind of Madness, my latest novel set in a Fae-infused version of Baltimore [Or want to hear me read again?] … then come to Charm City Spec! It’s happening at 6:30pm Saturday December 7th, 2024 at Bird In Hand Cafe in the Charles Village neighborhood of Baltimore. AND it’s the historic first-ever All-Baltimore edition of CCS with FOUR local, super-talented authors.
Besides myself, you can catch readings from David Simmons, Shannon Robinson, and Tim Paggi. I’m really looking forward to hearing excerpts of their stories!
I can’t WAIT to see you and introduce you to the magic that’s hiding in Baltimore’s shadows.
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December 2, 2024
XianeBlog: Connections and Correspondences
I just finished reading This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone, and I enjoyed it immensely. The raves about it are entirely justified, and like the best books out there, this one has inspired a lot of emotions and soul-searching.
The story is told through a mix of styles, prose and epistolary. The two focal characters are on opposing sides, with seemingly conflicting belief systems, in a battle through time and timelines to influence outcomes that further their worlds’ goals. One of the characters leaves a letter–via arcane means, a delight to read about–for her opponent as a taunt and challenge, but also an invitation.
That sparks an ongoing conversation between the agents that beautifully, delicately, threateningly grows into so much more: a connection, a rivalry, then an exchange of philosophy and purpose and the secret things that live inside their hearts–things that they’ve shared only with each other. They become hopelessly, delightfully, dangerously entangled.
“So I go. I travel farther and faster and harder than most, and I read, and I write, and I love cities. To be alone in a crowd, apart and belonging, to have distance between what I see and what I am.”
― Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone, This Is How You Lose the Time War
Like Red, I’ve lived a life where I’ve been separated from others, an oddity with specific skills that help me pay attention to tiny but important things many others miss or ignore. Like Blue, I have a need for a connection and a love for multi-layered meanings in carefully crafted paragraphs. [Things are not this simple in the book or in real life, I should note.]
I have a long history of using correspondence to connect with people who might understand me more fully than the ones I encounter in everyday life. I have a difficult time forging deep and meaningful relationships in face-to-face situations; I’m both too intense and too withdrawn, made of glass that lets people see inside without actually interacting with those internal workings. A lover once said that I was “secretive” and they meant as “a person who hides their true self and thoughts away.” It baffled me, because I’m transparent, as I said.
But they were right in one way: because they didn’t try to crack through the glass to get to the treasures behind it–the promises made by appearance but only accessible with work–they didn’t get to know the inner me. They just saw that it was there and untouchable by them.
I’m not easy to know. I am, but only if you share proportionately, and people often don’t. And then they wonder why the Me they know is there isn’t just presented to them.
Letters? They’re an equal trade.You write, and when you first start a correspondence, you’re feeling out the other person, this unknown who might have left you enough clues to guess what might tickle their fancy enough to respond back. You dribble out a small bit of who you are with the ink that helps you compose those [hopefully] clever sentences, wooing the person on the other end to do the same, maybe even more bravely than you did. It’s a tease, a challenge, an invitation. It’s intimate.
Not every potential correspondent will accept your dance of words, and that’s fine; just like any interaction, you don’t want to waste the good stuff on an unworthy partner. But when the connection sparks, when the writer sees what you’re offering in the carefully outstretched hand filled with paragraphs hinting at the possible delights to come…that’s magic.
“There’s a kind of time travel in letters, isn’t there? I imagine you laughing at my small joke; I imagine you groaning; I imagine you throwing my words away. Do I have you still? Do I address empty air and the flies that will eat this carcass? You could leave me for five years, you could return never—and I have to write the rest of this not knowing.”
― Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone, This Is How You Lose the Time War
In my time writing to strangers that became friends or foils or occasionally educational experiences, I learned how to search different spaces where potential conversation partners gathered and winnow out the ones that would never give me what I was looking for, narrowing my choices down to the best of the bunch before I would launch a probing missive their way. I went from the back of magazines, pre-widely-accessible-internet, to newsgroups, then eventually places like Craigslist. In the process I gained a few unshakable friendships, a few enemies, and one connection that felt very much like the beginning letters from Red and Blue, and just as tumultuous. I had another that I met in person but the bulk of our connection was built from letter-writing, where we were free to talk about much more intimate topics than we ever felt comfortable with face-to-face.
The last correspondence I had became a real-life dalliance that broke my heart with the push and pull dynamics involved; I’d finally met my match with someone who glass-walled me, but with no invitation to break through. It was all “look, but don’t even try to touch.” Whereas I’m emotionally available if someone would actually make the effort, they were all rocky shore and no way to access the lighthouse. Which…fair enough, they are who they are, and I knew enough of their story to guess why that was the case. But it cured me of reaching out in that way, until I met my current partner — someone brave enough to make that effort and crack my protective glass.
Which brings me to my current story.What I’m writing now is very much an ode to breaking through those invisible barriers, reaching out through anonymous means [in this case, a version of Craigslist] to connect with a stranger with which to become entangled. In the process, the characters reveal their secrets and learn what it means to be fully present for each other…and better humans. In Tryst’s case, she very much is like me: someone looking for meaning through reaching out to the unknown. Even though she’s got people who love her, she’s closed off from them in many ways. It’s a love letter to those times, to the hurting and isolated version of myself and others like me who want something bigger than casual connections. No one else could write it, so I’m writing it for myself, so I can feel seen.
Stories that make me feel seen are rare. This Is How You Lose the Time War did that, in the most poetic and delightful way possible.
The post XianeBlog: Connections and Correspondences appeared first on Christiane Knight.
November 29, 2024
Xiane’s Blog [112924] all those winter words
I drink the tea that I let go lukewarm while I think about winter, and holidays, and the progression of time. It’s still early in the day for me, 10am–but I get up later than a lot of people do. I’m already dressed, but not quite ready to leave. Today Mom and I will go to the Festival of Trees, a holiday charity event for Kennedy Krieger that we attend every year, braving Black Friday traffic and poor drivers to get there and look at a display of themed Christmas trees and wreaths while we fight against crowds.
I hate being trapped in the throngs of people but I love the spectacle and the magical feeling of the event, so I put on my mask and deal with it, even though I know we’ll probably be the only masked people there and that I’ll be utterly exhausted afterwards. The holiday season is filled with complex feelings like this; I celebrate Yule and [secular] Christmas, which often feel at odds because of [religious] Christmas. Both Christopher and I have birthdays that are crammed into the holiday weeks. His comes before and mine is stuck in the weird limbo between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Winter holidays are always a bag of mixed feelings because of this. I get a year older, the world gets a year older; time marches on and has its way with us and while I’m glad we’re both here, I think we’re both feeling the weight of our age.
So the holidays have always been magical and joyful, but underpinned with a melancholy that’s haunted my life. No matter how happy I am, there’s always that existential dread under the surface, and I’m grateful for every twinkling light and jingle bell that helps distract me from it. This year the dread is louder than ever, because of *gestures widely at everything* –and I have no idea how to fight against it other than to lean into the magic and found moments of joy and being as kind as possible to everyone who doesn’t want people like me or those I care about to die or disappear. I’m especially focusing on those who are in positions of less power and luck than I am. They get all my kindness and whatever assistance I can offer.
That’s the best way I know to beat the winter doldrums and fight against the rising tyranny. I don’t care about stuff. I want kindness and justice and actually, yes, the downfall of this late-stage capitalism driven hellscape that the US has slid into. I can’t do much to put my boots to the ground in this fight, but I can contribute the skills I have. That includes my words, because words are powerful. It includes my resistance to being ground down by the ones who profit from it.
Fuck that, I’ll live and be joyful out of spite if I have to, if it burns their buns to see me out here disabled and queer and living my best life despite whatever dystopia they want to throw at us. Radical fuckin’ joy, my friends. I’m going to weaponize it if I have to. Let’s thrive despite all their attempts to crush the spirit out of us.
.
A little note: I have a long history with this song, and actually used to do an a capella version of it occasionally back in the days of The Violet Dawning. It means a lot to me.The post Xiane’s Blog [112924] all those winter words appeared first on Christiane Knight.
November 25, 2024
Who I Am, What I Do, Where I Belong
It’s been a while, so I thought I’d [re]introduce myself for the new folk as well as those who have been here for a while.
Hi! I’m Christiane, pronounced kris-tee-AHN. I also go by Xiane [zye-ann] or Xi [zee] and Chris is also fine. You could yell YO, PINKIE and I’d probably answer, too.
Who I am:an older white genderqueer person with pale skin, long pink hair at the moment, green eyes. Glasses wearer. I generally present femme but have a range of gender in my closet, thanks for asking! generally unapologetically fatan old school punk turned deathrocker but with a wide variety of taste and interests, both musically and aestheticallychronically ill; I have Crohn’s Disease that manifests in several ways and trust me, I will talk about itan advocate for the unhoused because I have been there and know what it’s likecritical yet supportive of various activist movements and activities, much of which shows up in my booksa proud resident of Baltimore MD – though I’m not afraid to call attention to its problems alongside its charmsan artist, musician, poet, DJ, writer… basically goodbye to any hope of a regular paycheckWhat I do:write speculative fiction set in Baltimore that I would definitely classify as hopepunk or hope-focusedcreate main and secondary characters that are queer, Black/POC, chronically ill, unhoused, dealing with mental illness, and/or come from challenging family situationstropes like found family, reluctant hero, room to forgive/acts of atonement – but also faery food, houses with opinions, unexpected magic in urban spacesuse characters like my Fae folk as foils for the Mortal or more everyday characters in my storiesweave real observations and criticisms of today’s world throughout my fantasy storiescreate my own lore and mythology while respectfully drawing from classical sources as wellpromote and support other independently published authors and newer writers who might benefit from my experiencesfreely offer what knowledge and inspiration I’ve got through online and in person outlets and eventsWhere I belong:indie author, queer, environmental activist, unhoused advocate, chronic illness, creative spacesat SFF events on panels and in discussions, especially ones on creativity, self confidence, the ins and outs of self publishing, or belonging/not belonginganywhere that there’s street art, handmade crafts, live music, dancing, and good foodon your bookshelf [well, my books do]I’m generally outgoing and tend to be animated and passionate when talking about things that light me up. That means I’d love to chat with you if we cross paths at a con or event! I love to do readings from my books, and I love to talk shop. You can also reliably engage with me about fiber arts of all kinds, music and DJing, plants and herbalism, witchy shit, food from every culture, BTS, art in just about any medium and style, and a lot more.
Most importantly, I want to hear about you when we meet. Please don’t hesitate to say hello if you see me at events or selling my books somewhere. I’m eager to hear your stories, because stories are the most beautiful art we can share.
“If there’s one thing I have in surplus, it’s a positive outlook. So, I took some of that energy and wrapped it up in this tag. I guess you could say I imbued it with belief in goodness—in something better, you know?” She leaned forward in a gentle, encouraging movement. “I think you might need some of that. Maybe that’s insulting, but I hope not. Sometimes we all need some help, when things get dark and difficult.” – Vali [basically channeling me], Cast a Shadow of Doubt
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November 15, 2024
Award Eligibility 2024
It’s the season for eligibility posts, and here are my SFFH offerings for this year! I have poetry to add to the mix this time, which makes me very happy as that’s how I started my career.
I had one novel this year:
A Third Kind of Madness is a contemporary/urban fantasy in which shy and insecure photographer Denny stumbles into a relationship with their muse, and discovers that union also comes with capricious elementals, hungry paintings, and threats from other artists who are unhealthily obsessed with Denny’s muse girlfriend.
Published May 2024.
“You can see that everything that you mortals discard eventually finds its way to me and my kin. It travels through the waters of the city to come to rest in the harbor. They’ve put a device now at the end of this channel to collect debris, but the emotions, secrets, and everyday concerns that travel with the trash escape those sorts of traps. And my kind? We hold it all. Those are our treasures.”
I also had three poems, all included in one anthology:
CAW: Poetry by a Murder of Writers invites you into a world shrouded in gothic allure, where every page whispers with the echoes of melancholy mists and velvet hours. This haunting collection pays homage to the literary greats who have long tantalized us with their dark elegance and brooding beauty.
Edited by Stasha Strange and Hyacinth L. Raven.
Published October 2024.
I have three poems in this collection:
⋆ Perilous
⋆ Wings
⋆ Death: A Song
I find this dazzling path confusing.
Let me crawl back to the undergrowth,
To the dusky spaces with crowded trees,
To the call of black birds from the branches.
Also if you are a reader and enjoyed my work, A Third Kind of Madness is eligible for several categories at Write Hive’s Indie Ink Awards.
Possible categories include
Writing the Future We Need: Trans or Nonbinary RepresentationWriting the Future We Need: Mental Health RepresentationWriting the Future We Need: LGBTQ+ RepresentationWriting the Future We Need: Bisexual or Biromantic RepresentationOr feel free to choose the ones you feel fit best!
The post Award Eligibility 2024 appeared first on Christiane Knight.
October 27, 2024
It’s Okay to be Mediocre [no really!]
The rule, sometimes unspoken but all too often loud and clear, is that we’re supposed to be pushing towards excellence constantly. We are expected to strive for perfection, even though that’s not practical or even achievable; no one, no matter how good, is perfect. That’s even more true in the creative process, and the stress of trying to rise head and shoulders above the rest can be destructive to the creative process. We NEED our time of mediocrity as creatives in order to grow at our art. [I’ll come back to this in a moment.] And honestly?
I’d rather have a flawed but honest and real attempt at art than one that tries too hard to be immaculate.Very few people will reach the sublime heights of near-flawlessness. The bulk of the world is made up of efforts that range from excellent to poor, with a median that could be considered mediocre. The “sufficient but not in any way remarkable” efforts are what surround us in everyday life, and they’re FINE. They do the heavy lifting in the world, making up the bulk of what we rely on but barely notice, precisely because they’re unremarkable. The design of the local grocery store? Mediocre but serviceable. No one’s expecting excellence in grocery store architecture!
Maybe that rankles you as a creative. “I want to be known for my beautiful turns of phrase/use of color and texture/compelling singing voice/etc!” I absolutely get that, and I am the same way about *some* of my creative output.
But not all of it.
Some things are never going to be fully in your grasp. That’s okay. You can be mediocre at them! You can just be average and still share them with other people, even! I’m an average singer, with a big voice but not necessarily the most amazing one. Didn’t stop me from fronting bands and having fans! I used my vocal flaws to my advantage alongside my enthusiasm, and won people over. I also improved the longer I practiced and performed, which is something that helped to raise my level quite a bit. I worked on it because I enjoyed it, not because I felt pushed to be the Best Vocalist in Goth or something. It was work of the creative soul, not an obligation.
I needed that time of mediocrity in order to grow.I had to embrace the idea that I could perform even when I wasn’t at a level that was perfect and just do it so that I could improve my abilities.
That’s the same for writing. Lots of writers will tell you this: we think our later books are infinitely better than our earlier ones. That’s simply a function of improving as we practice. Releasing books earlier in our careers, before we’ve gained the knowledge and skill we have later on, is part of that practice. As a writer, I’ve gained as much by putting work out as a newbie as I have writing those later works.
You have to be willing to put yourself out there, in all your imperfect glory. That’s where the growth happens. And it will happen in full view of your audience, which is also part of the learning and growth process.
You may never move from mediocre in some of your creative outlets. That’s also okay. You can’t be great at everything! It doesn’t negate the importance of exploring those paths. All creative outlets give us lessons that apply universally.
Just do it, and don’t worry too much about perfection.Be exquisitely human, be ready to make mistakes, embrace the perfectly flawed nature of who we are as creative creatures who are always still learning.
This was originally posted for my supporters over at Ko-fi. If you’d like to read more posts like this or support my work, please take a look at https://ko-fi.com/threeravenspress
The post It’s Okay to be Mediocre [no really!] appeared first on Christiane Knight.
October 15, 2024
Come hear me read FOR FREE at Strong Women - Strange Worlds!
Strong Women - Strange Worlds presents Third Thursday Quick Reads of Sci Fi, Fantasy, and Horror by A.D. Sui, Kim Poovey, Jan Stinchcomb, Larina Warnock, Theresa Tyree, and yours truly, Christiane Knight. Happening October 17th, 7pm EDT, Free on Zoom!
Preregister now at https://www.eventbrite.com/e/first-friday-third-thursday-quick-read-tickets-1012384056967?aff=erelexpmlt
October 13, 2024
Carve those words upon your heart
I have written poetry slightly less time than I’ve written stories, but I can still remember how it felt when I started experimenting with the play of imagery and rhythm that fascinated me. From nursery rhymes to song lyrics to the discovery of classic poets and their impassioned words, I was enraptured with the idea of expressing oneself in such a way, and I felt a natural affinity with it.
I went from simple rhymes to more free-flowing styles, and started to explore my emotions and experiences by writing about them in freeform style. Eventually I started to find my poetic voice and began to submit poetry to various small press ‘zines, mostly in the goth and horror scenes. I put together my own, too, a vehicle for both my own poems and short stories as well as other writers that I’d met. I also began writing lyrics for my band, a natural extension of what I’d already been doing. Truthfully, I’d been writing lyrics for a while, but The Violet Dawning was my first real outlet [besides the punk band I’d been in when I was 18] where my words combined with music in a way that fit perfectly and conveyed everything my heart was trying to say.
After publishing three different runs of ‘zines and eventually breaking up the band because of circumstances out of my control, I only published my poems on my personal blog for the longest time. And then recently I was contacted by my friend Hyacinthe – “Would you be interested in contributing to an anthology of poetry inspired by corvids?”
Why yes I would, thank you!
That simple inquiry led me to submitting a series of three poems to CAW, Poetry by a Murder of Writers, edited by Stasha Strange and Hyacinthe L. Raven. The book was released on October 3rd 2024 and features a bevy of talent. Each writer explored the themes of birth, life, and death with dark imagery and the weight of experience. I don’t usually write from themes that other people have set, but this premise intrigued me, and my poems flowed out like my lifeblood.
I am here
Do not forget me
Once, I lived
Do not forget me
Carve those words upon your heart
One day, they will be yours
— excerpt from Death, a Song
For those who revel in the works of Poe, the Brontës, and other masters of the macabre, CAW: Poetry by a Murder of Writers promises to captivate and enchant. Surrender to its spell, and let the poems transport you to a place where every heartbeat echoes with the mysteries of the night, and every word is a step deeper into the hauntingly beautiful unknown.
CAW: Poetry by a Murder of Writers is currently available through Amazon. I’d be honored if you gave it a chance.
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