Cameron Pierce's Blog, page 2
March 29, 2012
Book of the Week: Alien vs. Predator by Michael Robbins
Do you remember that movie Warriors of Virtue? It was about five anthropomorphic kangaroos battling against the forces of evil, but with some vague Asian mysticism thrown in. At least that's what I remember.
Alien vs. Predator is one of the most exciting books of poetry I've encountered in a long time. Unless you are a] dead, or b] a virtuous marsupial representing one of the five elements, stop what you're doing and go read AVP now. This book is hot.
Full review forthcoming. In the meantime, read the title poem over at The New Yorker.
February 24, 2012
Two New Reviews of Gargoyle Girls
Horror Talk says:
Part gory horror story, part love story, part island adventure story and all bizarro, Gargoyle Girls is yet another Pierce book that helps redefine what bizarre fiction can be. The author is a man of extremes, but he somehow manages to balance his extremes out. The story is as horrific as it's sexy, as gory as it's humorous and as weird as it's classic. For fans of horror, tensions run high, dismemberment and blood abound and evil monsters unlike any other come out at night. For fans of bizarro, the characters offer a hilarious critique of white rich kids, there's a vagina-headed baby and the ending is an epic and strange love story that could only come from the talented/twisted mind of Pierce.
Monsters, adventure and absurdity collide wonderfully in this deranged tale, just don't be surprised if you read it in one sitting and then find yourself purchasing more of Pierce's work. If you like your horror on the weird side, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is a must-read."
Anything Horror says:
A huge thanks to Gabino Iglesias and Scott Shoyer for taking the time to read and say something kind about this book.
Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is available in trade paperback and also for the Kindle.
January 4, 2012
Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island
"Ever wonder what a collaboration between Edward Lee and Richard Laymon would read like? If you're a hardcore horror fan, of course the answer is yes. But have you ever wondered how that hypothetical collaboration might have turned out had someone secretly dosed them with some bad LSD at some point during the process? Well, wonder no more, because I think it may very well have turned out like Cameron Pierce's new book, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island. Or, to put it in pithy catchphrase form, 'It's like Lost on Acid!' Either way, Gargoyle Girls is a trip." — BRYAN SMITH, author of The Killing Kind and Depraved
A bizarro twist on island horror stories such as Dagon, Zombi 2, and Brian Keene's Castaways.
Four college seniors venture out into open waters for the tropical party weekend of a lifetime. Instead of a teenage sex fantasy, they find themselves in a nightmare of pirates, sharks, and sex-crazed monsters.
Oscar shouldn't have stolen his stepdad's boat, but he wanted to impress Colette, who he has been pining after since their freshman year. This vacation was the perfect time to let the romantic sparks fly. With his best friend Allen (and Colette's friend, Jane, the bitch) tagging along, Oscar saw no way this trip could possibly suck. His hopes die when they are hijacked by pirates. Then their boat sinks and someone gets eaten by a shark. Finally, stranded on a tropical island with an endless supply of rum, Oscar believes their epic weekend can finally begin. But the island is populated by a savage race of beautiful women. When night falls, these women transform into grotesque monsters unlike anything ever seen in fiction.
Pulp horror with a heart, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is the most deranged island horror story ever told.
Praise From HORROR TALK:
"Cameron Pierce's Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island has drawn comparisons to some of the biggest names in horror. While it's true that you can hear echoes of H.P. Lovecraft and Brian Keene in this tome, the best thing about Gargoyle Girls is that it's entirely a Pierce book. This means the prose is sharp and intelligent, the twists are wild and come at you fast, there's plenty of humor and the story will be over before you want it to be. As with every book I've read by this Wonderland Book Award-winning author, the first page managed to hook me in and my attention was ensnared until the last word.
Part gory horror story, part love story, part island adventure story and all bizarro, Gargoyle Girls is yet another Pierce book that helps redefine what bizarre fiction can be. The author is a man of extremes, but he somehow manages to balance his extremes out. The story is as horrific as it's sexy, as gory as it's humorous and as weird as it's classic. For fans of horror, tensions run high, dismemberment and blood abound and evil monsters unlike any other come out at night. For fans of bizarro, the characters offer a hilarious critique of white rich kids, there's a vagina-headed baby and the ending is an epic and strange love story that could only come from the talented/twisted mind of Pierce.
If you like your horror on the weird side, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is a must-read."
Praise From BEAUTY IN RUINS:
"…a hell of sexual slavery, inhuman depravity, and very human cruelty."
Praise From ANYTHING HORROR:
"As in all of Pierce's novels and short stories, his writing style just grabs you from the first sentence and draws you into the story like some kind of Siren call. I couldn't put GARGOYLE GIRLS OF SPIDER ISLAND down and read it in one sitting. Pierce's characters here are very well fleshed out and have a depth to them that one doesn't always find in bizarro fiction."
Click here to order Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island.
Out Now: Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island
My seventh book, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island, just came out. It was released by Eraserhead Press along two other incredibly awesome books, Armadillo Fists by Carlton Mellick III and Clockwork Girl by Athena Villaverde. I recommend picking up all three. Here's a little information about Gargoyle Girls:
"Ever wonder what a collaboration between Edward Lee and Richard Laymon would read like? If you're a hardcore horror fan, of course the answer is yes. But have you ever wondered how that hypothetical collaboration might have turned out had someone secretly dosed them with some bad LSD at some point during the process? Well, wonder no more, because I think it may very well have turned out like Cameron Pierce's new book, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island. Or, to put it in pithy catchphrase form, 'It's like Lost on Acid!' Either way, Gargoyle Girls is a trip." — BRYAN SMITH, author of The Killing Kind and Depraved
A bizarro twist on island horror stories such as Dagon, Zombi 2, and Brian Keene's Castaways.
Four college seniors venture out into open waters for the tropical party weekend of a lifetime. Instead of a teenage sex fantasy, they find themselves in a nightmare of pirates, sharks, and sex-crazed monsters.
Oscar shouldn't have stolen his stepdad's boat, but he wanted to impress Colette, who he has been pining after since their freshman year. This vacation was the perfect time to let the romantic sparks fly. With his best friend Allen (and Colette's friend, Jane, the bitch) tagging along, Oscar saw no way this trip could possibly suck. His hopes die when they are hijacked by pirates. Then their boat sinks and someone gets eaten by a shark. Finally, stranded on a tropical island with an endless supply of rum, Oscar believes their epic weekend can finally begin. But the island is populated by a savage race of beautiful women. When night falls, these women transform into grotesque monsters unlike anything ever seen in fiction.
Pulp horror with a heart, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is the most deranged island horror story ever told.
December 16, 2011
Coming Soon: Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island
A bizarro twist on island horror stories such as Dagon, Zombi 2, and Brian Keene's Castaways.
Four college seniors venture out into open waters for the tropical party weekend of a lifetime. Instead of a teenage sex fantasy, they find themselves in a nightmare of pirates, sharks, and sex-crazed monsters.
Oscar shouldn't have stolen his stepdad's boat, but he wanted to impress Colette, who he has been pining after since their freshman year. This vacation was the perfect time to let the romantic sparks fly. With his best friend Allen (and Colette's friend, Jane, the bitch) tagging along, Oscar saw no way this trip could possibly suck.
His hopes die when they are hijacked by pirates. Then their boat sinks and someone gets eaten by a shark. Finally, stranded on a tropical island with an endless supply of rum, Oscar believes their epic weekend can finally begin. But the island is populated by a savage race of beautiful women. When night falls, these women transform into grotesque monsters unlike anything ever seen in fiction.
Pulp horror with a heart, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island is the most deranged island horror story ever told.
"Ever wonder what a collaboration between Edward Lee and Richard Laymon would read like? If you're a hardcore horror fan, of course the answer is yes. But have you ever wondered how that hypothetical collaboration might have turned out had someone secretly dosed them with some bad LSD at some point during the process? Well, wonder no more, because I think it may very well have turned out like Cameron Pierce's new book, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island. Or, to put it in pithy catchphrase form, 'It's like Lost on Acid!' Either way, Gargoyle Girls is a trip."
–BRYAN SMITH, author of The Killing Kind and Depraved
December 13, 2011
The Age of Disaster Poetry and Naked Exhibitionism: Words out of Context from Burroughs, Ballard, Blanchot, Marcus, and Celan
Last night, after I'd come to a stopping point in editing, I decided to take a few books and randomly select one word from every page. I recorded whatever word latched onto me first. In some instances, a phrase (such as 'The Crab') stuck out too prominently for me to omit one word or the other, so I wrote down both. Here are the results.
The first person to write a story/novel/whatever incorporating all of these words/names/whatever gets to go on television during the Super Bowl halftime show and cry before a national audience.
Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
doll, Note, breathe, retired, The Man, eaten, ectoplasmic, stash, Rube, the, at, hassle, Agents, distasteful, his, levels, pot, mosaic, bureaucracy, Often, teeth, naked, never, stimulation, Senders, abortionist, artery, not, Benway, area, from, much, understand, course, pissing, female, talking, genitals, in, mathematician, misbehavior, growing, junky, custom, myself, deliver, sometimes, agents, Notes, industry, undreaming, kidney, You, Saniflush, slight, papier mache, naked, addiction, which, can't, yes, you, Jesus, penis, Regret, Mugwump, behind, pictures, dancer, cowboy, Naked, them, whips, listlessly, one, Hear, rambling, his, pants, bathroom, buddy, premonitory,* deserted, religious, Johnny, almost, body, leaps, heroin, clap, bill, system, you, agitation, houses, bebop, walls, perpetrator, Chinese, Millions, citizens, Then, tuck, spied, provided, jump, that, about, Doctor, anything, wouldn't, Jeeeeesus, Stand, sure, chicken, mutterings, screaming, act, giving, virus, Huntsmen, palpates, He, triplicate, paralyzed, troubles, Ali, We'll, Daybreak, Mullahs, became, old, courses, legend, Gertie, Make, Faculty, MANAGER, STOOGE, which, dossier, burn, die, Typical, tablets, drugs, more, replicas, depopulated, T.B., They'll, North-by-North-East, Lee, cautiously, Kinda, Old Gray Mare, So, Spring, lush-rolling, Zone, fish, Marvie, him, tight, underwent, takers, effective, register, professional, flashed, did, turned, completely, now, Carl, chlorine, away, masturbation, coffee cup, feeling, dig, Sailor, egg, Exterminator, like, rhythm, burning, weren't, voice, left, fell, Huh, back, called, non-resident, eyes, powdered, front, oil, crime, approval, dehydrated, 1929, The Crab, youths yodel, Now, thinking, hole, flesh, white, No good
Atrocity Exhibition by J.G. Ballard
assembled, Weapons, nervous, multiple-exposure, followed, translation, ripped, airfield, worn, Posterior, underpass, death, reminded, Persistence, Talbot's, Stochastic, Koester, Optimum, multi-vehicle, cable, billboard, Thoracic, Jackie, fever, towards, Modern, Einstein, wheel, You, Suite, pelvis, Apartment, newsreels, failure, Max Ernst, complete, railing, Mere, million, Great, Profane, And, Action, overhead, pensive, counters, inclined, up, movements, bridge, automobile, aggressive, were, legs, schoolboy, geometry, With, stockades, described, tomorrow, photographs, lunar, back, exquisite, Good, applause, Robing, Dallas, EMBRYO, Speed-King, thousand, Assassination, group, sexual, night, latent, atrocity, increasingly, optimum, conceptualizing, Witwer, Nordvall, And, hoped, hairstyle, Ronald Reagan, Oswald, however
The Age of Wire and String by Ben Marcus
catalog, chief, Intercourse, Snoring, celebration, father, luster, opening, Act, absorbs, weeping, position, Albert, sometimes, Landing, confession, golds, first, shortens, wooden, repercussive, morning, use, claim, prison, period, rising, built, Larchmont, innocent, openly, Cloth, darkness, head, legs, some, runnel, achieves, name, maker, Strategy, cooling, windows, sleeping, When, Coughing, It, open, broken, house, was, Destroy, Archaic, discussed, heat, Garment, circle, person, category, system, pursue, Ben Marcus, meaning, streams, were, There, sluggish, held, tunnels, followed, fruit, Continuous, burned, mother, garment, man, first, falsified, period, names, position, compulsory, manner, man, I am, blankets, bird, shapes, sled, them, put, bird, will, grandover, fires, bundles, Ben Marcus, flat, swings, analysts, musicians, subdued, tropes, brother, front, foam, earliest, Welder, Arm, Accountant, water, spicules, wire, inscriptions, which, full, previous, object
The Writing of the Disaster by Maurice Blanchot
disaster, indecipherable, catastrophic, exposed, rhythm, words, brings, system, primitive, exclusion, negative, beneath, prayer, remain, suffering, characteristics, scrivener's, unsubjected, Most-High, dominator, unlimited, identity, difficult, exile, word, order, different, silent, Silence, measure, mortified, mortal, thought, other, shelter, book, forerunners, defying, teleology, letter, propriety, watch, tacit, madness, body, same, irony, sky, consciousness, Joy, watches, deprives, forgiving, What, well-disposed, morality, meaning, abyss, uninterrupted, a work, requires, writer, poet, To write, he interrupts, never, not yet, experience, always, ceaselessly, death, pronounce, No, zones, indifferent, enacted, cannot, noncontemporaneity, knows, demans, extinguished, suffered, clandestine, bread, obliterated, myth, threatening, balanced, where, destroys, means, must, presence, nearest, thought, facile, uncovers, transhistorical, reciprocity, resounds, happened, Aristotle, Mallarme, present, lapse, discovery, language, thus, designate, word, fail, number, allow, indiscretion, Saying, heavy, considered, understanding, immortal, presupposes, writer, preserving, Nietzsche, reference, absolute, mythical, narrative, multiplicity, continuous, indicates, because, isolated, basis, reason, supposed, cavernous, perpetuity, linked, opening, Law, escaped, Today, requirement, seek, imperceptibly, Shining
Selected Poems and Prose of Paul Celan
whipped, swelter, skeletons, glance, with, instead, wintry, Lord, green, Mould-green, eyes, Spiteful, lover's, house, grave, makes, say, eye, emptiness, you, sail, humans, looked, stone, swimming, into, climbed, which, gray, bursts, figs, pursed, lift, among, with, too, ensilenced, me, death, free ones, nettle, endlessness, deeply, one, unwritten, swarming, beholder, graspable, darkness, glance, evening, Heart, Muteness, four-beat, Hours, terrain, see, up, poison-hushed, dry eyes, rises, flight, nothing, inscribed, overhead, Thou, mousetail, true, Paris, With, heaven, lostness, earth, incants, what, right, Plague, my, field, crowns, gnashed, Nothing, me, you, thousandyear, round, Baobab, packed, heavy, Huesca, hair, arises, night, Humans-and-Jews, letters', mixed, coils, tastes, back, Alba, Breath-and-Clay, scales, shoulder, from, shadows, Clapped, blows, teeth, rest, Stand-for-no-one-and-nothing, silenced, high, flood, I, experience, from, No more sand art, Hollow, seed's, tear, night, Pontic, dolphins, Water, psalmhooved, cathedrals, Also, midst, behind, amidst, wart, One, opens, here, Go, rounded, deciphered, brainlessly, everything, crumbled, flapping, Rachel, think, barb, more, Light-compulsion, top, dusk's, wondrous, hoarded, one, grounded, meathooks, madnessbread, Staunch clocks, wife, wound, winded, Plaguey, conversation, bemused, heraldry, one, And, above, Gethsemane, goldbuoy, torch, across, Lion, tuning, shardstrewn, end, names, common, Invisible, seven, always, murderers', me, meanings, heaviest, language, poem, stone, around, Thou, Gross, Conciergerie, someone, gentlemen, through, gentlemen, Perhaps, sometimes, every, Ever-yet, present, With, encountered, presence, newly
*I had to pause here because my cat vomited.
December 12, 2011
Apex on Bizarro Fiction
Apex Book Company has published a writeup on bizarro fiction by Don Campbell, in which they provide a brief overview of the genre and discuss some of the works of Carlton Mellick III, Mykle Hansen, Jeff Burk, and my own Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. Click here to read it. While you're on the Apex website, be sure to check out Issue 31 of Apex Magazine as well as their bookstore. This year, Apex published Starve Better by Nick Mamatas, Let's Play White by Chesya Burke, and re-released Like Death by Tim Waggoner, among other titles.
Looking for some inspiration or just some cool pictures to stare at? Head on over to Matthew Revert's Trash Complex, where he has posted some incredible Czech new wave film posters. Also, over at Bizarro Central, Sam Reeve is blogging about a different weird artist every day for the entire month of December. The artists she has chosen so far have all been incredible.
In other news, Abortion Arcade is now available for the Kindle. Abortion Arcade contains No Children (a post-apocalyptic novella about zombies who farm humans like cattle), The Roadkill Quarterback of Heavy Metal High (a Troma-esque high school drama about Dio, football, and the terrors of an adolescent werewolf), and The Destroyed Room, which might be my favorite longer work I've written.
Twelve Books That Meant the World to Me in 2011
Here are twelve books that made a significant impact on my life in 2011. Some of these were published this year while others have been around for a while. This is not a 'best of the year' list or necessarily a list of favorites. These are the books that are closest to my heart, the ones that I learned from, and the ones that guided me.
1. The Moomin series by Tove Jansson
On nights when writing and editing don't keep me up until the late hours, Kirsten and I will read to each other before going to sleep. This year, bedtime books included The Search for Delicious, The Hoboken Chicken Emergency, and one of my all-time favorites, The Phantom Tollbooth, but nine times out of ten, we choose the Moomins.
We are absolutely enamored with these characters and their strange little world. The Moomins exhibit a Buddhist-like detachment from the problems they encounter in their daily lives, unless that problem happens to be the dreaded Groke. The undercurrent of melancholy that pervades these books makes them all the more mysterious.
Over the past year, Moomin Valley has become my favorite world in fiction. It's an ideal place to spend the nights and mornings. If Kirsten and I ever have free time in the morning, we tend to watch an episode of the Japanese Moomin cartoon while eating breakfast and having coffee. Someday, I hope we can move to Moomin Valley permanently.
There are eight books in the series. If you're looking for a jumping off point, start with the first one, Comet in Moominland. Just watch out for the Hemulen, collector of plants and stamps.
2. Of Thimble and Threat: The Life of a Ripper Victim by Alan M. Clark
Books and movies rarely make me cry, but by the end of Alan M. Clark's Of Thimble and Threat, I was bawling. In terms of scope and power, this novel feels more akin to Dostoevsky and other heavyweights of Russian literature than any contemporary novel I've encountered. Clark draws you into the life and plight of Catherine Eddowes, the third Jack the Ripper victim. However, this is not a novel about Jack the Ripper. This is a novel about one woman and her life in bleak-ass Victorian London. Following Catherine Eddowes from childhood to death, you will fall in love with her even as she plummets down a dark path that inevitably results in self-destruction and unbearable pain for her loved ones. This book swells with so much emotion and is so brilliantly constructed that all I can really say is this: Read it, folks. Read it for good writing. Read it for entertainment. Read it to be a better person. Read it for any reason at all. Whatever your motives, do not miss this book. It's important.
3. Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls by Alissa Nutting
One of my great joys in life is discovering a wonderful short story writer who I was previously unfamiliar with. This year, my favorite new discovery was Alissa Nutting. Rarely do I find a collection that fills me with as much joy as her debut, Unclean Jobs for Women and Girls. If you're a fan of Kelly Link or the sweeter side of Carlton Mellick III, or if you simply enjoy well-written stories that are as weird and funny as they are thoughtful and emotionally engaging, Alissa Nutting just might be your new favorite writer.
4. Wave of Mutilation by Douglas Lain
I've been a fan of Douglas Lain since I was in high school, so it's incredibly surreal for me to now be his editor. In my humble opinion, he's the greatest science fiction writer alive and the most deserving torchbearer to Philip K. Dick. In person and on paper, Douglas Lain is brilliant. He enlightens as he entertains, and you never know quite where he'll take you next. His first book, the collection Last Week's Apocalypse, caused a little revolutionary uprising inside my seventeen-year-old brain. Now, with Wave of Mutilation, Douglas Lain has become the revolution. This book will only take you an hour or two to read, but I'm willing to bet that it will change your life.
5. The No Hellos Diet by Sam Pink
Sam Pink is an indomitable force in modern fiction. He's like an early Mike Tyson with the spirit of Evander Holyfield. I've probably laughed out loud more while reading his work than I have any other living writer, period. You'll feel comforted and somewhat disturbed as you find yourself relating to the eccentric characters and disembodied voices that occupy his fiction and poetry. And he writes such perfect, tight sentences. I've read this book too many times to count, and I'll probably read it countless more times in the next year or so.
Bottom line is this:
1. Sam Pink is the best writer writing about young people in America today.
2. The No Hellos Diet is the best book ever written about working in a department store.
6. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
Geek Love, written by Portland author Katherine Dunn, sat near the top of my TBR mountain for years. When Kirsten and I were selecting books to bring along on our honeymoon at the Sylvia Beach Hotel, I chose Geek Love among a handful of other titles. Kirsten's first choice was Swamplandia by Karen Russell, also a 'sideshow novel.'
During my last semester at Evergreen College before moving to Portland on an internship with Eraserhead Press, I was part of a program that allowed me to basically construct my own curriculum. I decided to study freaks in literature. There are some great books that tackle the subject, notably Freakery: Cultural Spectacles of the Extraordinary Body and Sideshow U.S.A.: Freaks and the American Cultural Image. Also on my reading list were Nobel Prize winners Gunter Grass and Par Lagerkvist, Carson McCullers, and other great writers, but somehow I never got around to Geek Love. Perhaps it was for the best, because when I finally did read it, I was doing so during some of the happiest days in my life. There's no better time to discover a great book.
7. The Palm-Wine Drinkard by Amos Tutuola
I'm just gonna come out and say it. Amos Tutuola knocked me on my ass. Reading The Palm-Wine Drinkard rekindled the brain explosion of discovering a completely original voice for the first time. I'll always remember the first time I read Kafka. I'll never forget my experience with Tutuola either. If you aspire to write bizarro or any other form of strange fiction, The Palm-Wine Drinkard is a must-read.
8. The Case Worker by George Konrad
This is the only book on the list that I haven't finished yet, partially because I don't want it to end and also because every section is so devastating. Fiction this perfect doesn't come around very often. When it does, treat it like gold. While you're at it, check out everything else that Penguin put out under their Writers from Another Europe series.
9. Every Shallow Cut by Tom Piccirilli
James Ellroy fans, prepare to shoot me. When I'm in the mood for crime fiction, Jim Thompson and Tom Piccirilli stand alone at the top of my list. The more I read of these guys, the more I want to read them — and write what they're writing (or in Thompson's case, what he wrote). Just thinking about Every Shallow Cut makes me want to drop all my plans this evening and burn through the novella again. That's because Tom Piccirilli writes like a man on fire. His sentences bob and weave like classic pugilists. His characters are desperate in all the right ways. Every Shallow Cut demonstrates a master of gritty poetics at the top of his game. Read everything by him, starting with this book and his southern gothic, A Choir of Ill Children.
10. I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter by Carlton Mellick III
Nobody can take a tired formula and transform it into an original, hilarious, awesomely weird book quite like Carlton Mellick III. In I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter, Mellick takes on the romantic comedy formula. Remaining totally faithful to one of the most overused story arcs in Hollywood, he transforms it into a heartfelt masterpiece that couldn't possibly have been written by anyone else. As a bonus, the main character lives in a LEGO house. That alone would have earned it a spot on this list.
11. Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day by Ben Loory
Ben Loory's stories are a delight. They're magical and simply told, with a peculiar sadness creeping in around the edges. Perfect fairy tales for the twenty-first century. Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day contains some of the finest really-short short stories that I've encountered in a long time. If you write any flash fiction at all, I recommend studying these stories.
12. We Live Inside You by Jeremy Robert Johnson
Six years after the release of the cult hit Angel Dust Apocalypse, Jeremy Robert Johnson's new collection has finally dropped. From the body-horror freakout "When Susurrus Stirs" to the larger-than-life, awesomely touching "Persistence Running," We Live Inside You contains Jeremy's best work and the most diverse range of dark fiction you're likely to find in a single author collection. It's a triumphant return of one of today's top short story writers. I'm amazed.
December 11, 2011
The Human Centipede 2 (UFSI Sequence) by Tao Lin: A Novel
Every Sunday, a new chapter of The Human Centipede 2 (UFSI Sequence) by Tao Lin: A Novel will be posted on a different blog/website until the entire novel is online. If you would like to publish a chapter on your website and/or acquire the movie/television rights to the novel, send an email to cameroncpierce@gmail.com.
CHAPTER ONE
Martin watches The Human Centipede (First Sequence) on his computer then drives to the parking garage.
He sits in a tiny booth and stares at the security monitor. The screen is split four ways. A twenty-something couple walks into the upper right square. They appear to be arguing or something.
Martin picks up his tire iron and goes down to the garage.
He stands behind a concrete pillar so the boy and the girl cannot see him.
"We are so fucked," the boy says to the girl.
"Are we fucked," the girl says.
"We are so existentially fucked."
"We'll get the spare key and come back tomorrow," the girl says.
The boy pulls out his iPhone. He takes a picture of himself.
"What are you doing?" the girl says.
"I am taking a picture of myself and posting the picture on Tumblr so people remember what I looked like before my father mutilated me. This car is his life."
"Isn't that a line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off," the girl says.
"Maybe my book sales will go up after my father mutilates me. I will be a national tragedy."
Martin emerges from behind the pillar.
The girl looks at Martin with a confused facial expression.
Martin hits her in the head with the tire iron. She falls to the ground.
The boy's facial expression alternates between fear, anger, and sadness. He looks like the singer of Death Cab for Cutie.
Martin pulls the gun out from the waistband of his sweatpants and shoots the boy in the foot.
"You fucking asshole," the boy says.
Martin stares at the bleeding foot of the boy as if it is a Gchat message from someone he doesn't like. Martin doesn't like a lot of people. That is why he wants to build a human centipede.
He tapes the hands, feet, and mouth of the boy and girl and puts them in the back of his rapist van. He drives to a desolate part of town and parks in front of a warehouse.
Martin gets out of the van. A man who looks like Stza from Leftover Crack smokes a cigarette in front of the warehouse. The man flicks his cigarette butt and says, "Ey, let's make this quick."
Inside the warehouse, Martin gets emotional. He feels a vague surge of something like hope. He is depressed, lonely, and obese, but there is hope.
"Let's get the fuckin' lease signed," says the man who looks like Stza from Leftover Crack.
Martin imagines his twelve-person centipede crawling across the warehouse floor. He grins at the image of his grand achievement.
"Are you a goddamn retard? Let's sign the lease," the landlord says.
Martin does not like being called a retard. He shoots the landlord in the kneecap, feeling six percent closer to success.
He leaves the boy and the girl and the landlord bound and gagged on the floor of the warehouse. Now if only he can murder nine more people.
He goes home.
After feeding his pet centipede, he sits on the edge of the bed in his underwear and stares down at his bulbous gut. There's a lonely planet inside of me, he thinks.
He considers driving to the hardware store, getting a chainsaw, and ending it all right there in the store. Just ending it.
His mom shuffles into his room. "The doctor is here to see you," she says. She stares at Martin's computer with disdain and a high level of unease. Martin's mom believes computers are satanic. Martin stares at her until she goes away.
In the living room, Martin sits mostly naked on the couch beside the Jewish doctor, who looks like a decrepit, bearded John Lennon.
Every man looks like a famous musician to Martin. It's because his father molested him.
"Here are your pills," the doctor says, handing a bag to Martin.
"He's doing worse," his mother says.
She stands on the opposite side of the room, near the tank holding Martin's centipede. "He won't shut up about a twelve-person centipede."
"A centipede, yes," the doctor says, rubbing Martin's naked thigh in a sexual manner. "Centipedes can be a phallic symbol. Martin is expressing grief about what his father did to him."
"Because of you, my husband is in prison!" Martin's mother shouts.
"Some victims of sexual abuse mutilate their genitals" the doctor says. He works his hand further up Martin's thigh.
The doctor leaves. Martin and his mom eat dinner.
Bad techno plays loudly in the upstairs apartment.
Martin's mom stands on a chair and bangs on the ceiling with a broom.
A few minutes later, there is a knock on the front door.
His mom leaves the kitchen and returns with the upstairs neighbor, a buff tattooed skinhead. He looks like Moby, except he is buff and tattooed.
"He's the one," his mother says. "He hates your music."
"You got a problem with my music?" the skinhead says.
Martin continues eating his pork and beans. He does not have a problem with this man's music. He has a problem with humanity.
The skinhead throws the flimsy kitchen table aside. He punches Martin in the face.
"Do something! Be a man like your father!" his mother says.
Martin falls out of his chair. The skinhead kicks him repeatedly. "Don't ever bang on that ceiling again. You hear me, you fat fuck?"
When the skinhead leaves, Martin's mom says, "I'm going to kill us both."
Martin goes to his room. He thinks about dying while watching The Human Centipede (First Sequence) on repeat until he falls asleep.
The next day, Martin goes to work.
He calls the agent of Ashlynn Yennie, star of The Human Centipede (First Sequence). The phone rings twice then goes to voicemail. "This is Quentin Tarantino. I want Ashlynn Yennie to star in my new movie. Can we arrange an audition this week?" Martin says. "Okay, have a nice day now. Bye-bye."
It is the first time Martin has spoken in months. He feels a little bit better, but not by much.
