Stephen Deas's Blog, page 8

Middle Earth v. Westeros matchcast commentary

A couple of weeks ago when England played Italy I tweeted commentary of a fictional match between Middle Earht and Westeros. You can find the pre-match buildup on the Gollancz blog here. It seemed to irritate about as many people as it amused, judging from the responses; but for anyone who wants it, here it is in less irritating form. It’s pretty much the commentary that went out but I did edit a couple of tweets on the fly and add one or two. Enjoy or not, as the case may be.

Good evening and welcome to live coverage of the opening Fantasy World Cup match between Middle Earth and Westeros in Mordor. #fwc2014

The team news is in. #fwc2014

Middle Earth: Smaug in goal; a back three of Thorin, Gandalf, Gimli; Aragorn, Sauron, Legolas in midfield. #fwc2014

The usual strike quartet of Merry, Gamgee, Pippin; Frodo. I fancy Gamgee to play in the hole just behind Frodo tonight. #fwc2014

No surprises in the line-up. Home advantage to the hosts, but a Mordor crowd can be very partisan. #fwc2014

Already a lot of orcs already singing racist chants against Hobbits. FIFFA will have something to say about this after the match. #fwc2014

Westeros: Varys The Spider in goal; The usual Lannister back three of Cersei, Tywin and Jaime. #fwc2014

Stannis Baratheon sitting in the holding role. A midfield four of Oberyn Martell; Sandor “The Hound” Clegane, Jon Snow and Arya Stark. #fwc2014

Oberyn seems to have recovered from those injury fears after his training ground bust-up with Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane. #fwc2014

Hadn’t expected to see the Hound playing tonight, but his partnership with Arya on the wing has been productive of late. #fwc2014

Danaerys Targaryan playing the number ten role as expected; Tyrion Lannister as the lone striker. #fwc2014

No place in the team for Littlefinger tonight, who remains on the bench. Westeros have such a large squad. #fwc2014

Joining our commentary team tonight our guests are the dragon-queen Zafir and Elric Cantona. #fwc2014

Our other guest commentators tonight are Radagast the Brown and the Ghost of Ned Stark. #fwc2014

All the injury news seems to be good tonight. #fwc2014

Middle Earth’s central midfield dynamo Sauron has been declared fit despite a nagging ankle injury. #fwc2014

Manager Jackson restores striker Frodo and wide forward Pippin after both were rested for pre-tournament friendlies. #fwc2014

Gollum remains on the bench. #fwc2014

Westeros have been boosted by the news that Jaime has recovered from losing his hand injury to return to the defence. #fwc2014

Cersei is at right-back in place of the injured Joffrey and the suspended Selmy Barristan. #fwc2014

Arya has also shaken off an injury doubt to start in the midfield, where Snow retains his place ahead of the returning Littlefinger. #fwc2014

This is a true clash of Fantasy heavyweights. Between them, Middle Earth and Westeros have 16 major titles. #fwc2014

Middle Earth – including West Middle Earth – have thirteen World Cups to their name. Westeros can boast three. #fwc2014

What is quite incredible is that Middle Earth have never beaten Westeros in a competitive game. #fwc2014

In the seven meetings that mattered, the Westerosi have won three and drawn four. #fwc2014

It’s reassuring the know that even a nation as mighty as Middle Earth has a bogey team, isn’t it? #fwc2014

Will Middle Earth finally break the hex Westeros have had over them at tournaments, or will the Westerosi prevail? #fwc2014

Middle Earth have played in a semi-final in a major competition 17 times so far, making it to the final on 11 occasions. #fwc2014

They have now won their last fifteen competitive games – an all-time record in Fantasy World Cup history. #fwc2014

Middle Earth have scored in each of their last 20 games (51 goals in total). #fwc2014

Westeros have failed to make it to the finals only in two of the ten tournaments they’ve played. #fwc2014

Six of their last seven goals have come from set-pieces, whereas 11 of Middle Earth’s last 12 have come from open play. #fwc2014

Tonight’s head to head between Middle Earth and Westeros sees two of the new star men go head-to-head. #fwc2014

Sauron’s enduring quality has been a constant theme in recent games. #fwc2014

The 3300-year-old’s passing from a deep-lying midfield position cut the Shanarra eleven to ribbons in their last qualifying game. #fwc2014

Zafir: “His big mace-thing helped a lot there. Added the crunch into those crunching tackles.” #fwc2014

Oberyn Martell operates higher up the pitch, but is no less important as the creative fulcrum of an impressive Westeros side. #fwc2014

Radagast: “Oberyn is an exceptional player, with good ideas. He’s the one who directs the game, so we have to stop him.” #fwc2014

“It’s amazing to see him starting after such a horrific injury. I think most of us thought he’d be out for the rest of the season.” #fwc2014

“We have to think of a way to play better than Westeros and dictate the tempo of the match. It’s a confidence thing.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark: “We’re all fit both mentally and physically. I don’t think we can have any negative thoughts.” #fwc2014

“Except possibly about the Lannisters.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “I rather like the Lannisters. Obviously I’d burn them if I was up against them, but they’re fun to watch.” #fwc2014

The players are led out by captains Gandalf and Tywin. The referee for this one is Loki son of Odin. #fwc2014

A controversial choice there. Some say he’s a Westeros supporter. #fwc2014

Ned Stark: “I wouldn’t be surprised if some Lannister gold has reached his pockets before tonight.”

Gandalf and Tywin each read out a message of support for FIFFA’s Respect Diversity campaign.

Zafir: “Loki was cleared of last year’s corruption charges by FIFFA president Hoofwanking Bunglecunt last year.” #fwc2014

Elric: “Says it all, really.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “I hear the Hoofwanking Bunglecunt might try to run for a fifth term. I do have a dragon, you know.” #fwc2014

Oberyn and Tyrion sharing a joke at Tywin as he speaks. Clearly something amusing! #fwc2014

All very worthy, of course, but all are glad to see the players finally shake hands and get ready for kick-off. #fwc2014

1′ Westeros’s mentally-unhinged front pairing of Danaerys and Tyrion get us underway! #fwc2014

2′ Sauron is screaming for the ball from the edge of the box, but Gimli chooses to cross to Frodo instead. #fwc2014

The ball sails over the striker’s head. As Middle Earth crosses often do. Don’t know why he tried it really. #fwc2014

Can’t remember the last time Middle Earth scored a headed goal. #fwc2014

3′ Tyrion chases after a ball over the top and is judged to have shoved Gandalf in the back as he did so. #fwc2014

4′ A through ball is slipped forward for Tyrion, but Smaug is quick off his line to gather the pass… #fwc2014

… and crushes it. New ball required. I think we’re going to see a lot of that tonight. #fwc2014

5′ Cersei charges into Sauron with a solid challenge that yields the first corner of the match for Middle Earth. #fwc2014

6′ Sauron swings the corner in and it comes to Aragorn on the edge of the six-yard box. He guides it past The Spider…! #fwc2014

Oberyn blocks on the line! The Spider gathers the loose ball! Middle Earth showing how dangerous they are early on. #fwc2014

7′ Pippin goes on a rampaging run down the left channel.

He slaloms through two blue shirts but Cersei is one man too many. #fwc2014

Woman. #fwc2014

Zafir: “I was stuck on rampaging hobbits.” #fwc2014

Loki isn’t happy with that challenge from Cersei. She came flying in with several Kingsguard. #fwc2014

They’re having words. #fwc2014

Elric: “I think she was trying to have him executed. That’s pretty much her standard tactic early on.” #fwc2014

Is that going to be a first yellow card? No. Just a warning. The referee’s going to have to be strong in this match. #fwc2014

8′ Arya is fouled by Pippin in the centre circle. Westeros play it short to get it to Oberyn’s feet. #fwc2014

9′ Played inside by Danaerys and the ball comes to Oberyn again. #fwc2014

The midfielder tries to deceive Gandalf with a drop of the shoulder but the centre-back blocks the shot. #fwc2014

A familiar wag of the finger from Gandalf. “You shall not pass.” #fwc2014

Taking his own advice a little too literally there, as he’s almost caught in possession by Tyrion. #fwc2014

Zafir: “It’s always the same with him. Hang around at the back and lob impossible balls at hobbits.” #fwc2014

“It’s not like he as a single other strategy ever.” #fwc2014

“He’s a good player, but strategically an utter liability.” #fwc2014

10′ Great tackle on Tyrion from Legolas. The Mirkwood player has been one of Middle Earth’s top performers in this tournament. #fwc2014

11′ Legolas tries to float a ball into the box that goes all the way through to The Spider. #fwc2014

Worrying sign for Westeros as Jaime Lannister takes a few seconds to get back to his feet following a challenge. #fwc2014

The midfielder was another injury doubt before the game with a crucial morality problem. #fwc2014

12′ Legolas with an incisive run forward before laying it off to Merry out wide. The low cross comes in… #fwc2014

The Spider spills it! The ball bounces off Tywin and trickles just wide of the post! #fwc2014

13′ Westeros defend Middle Earth’s short corner well enough, but that was another nervy moment early on. #fwc2014

14′ Tyrion draws a foul from Aragorn. #fwc2014

15′ Merry cuts in from the right, works half a yard off Jon Snow and has a pop from range that The Spider beats away two-handed. #fwc2014

16′ A slick turn from Thorin in his own half helps Middle Earth win possession back. #fwc2014

17′ Snow shimmies past Sauron. He shoots from the edge of the box. The ball bounces up in front of Smaug who sets fire to the ball. #fwc2014

Second new ball of the game. #fwc2014

The Ghost of Ned Stark: “Danaerys has been very quiet so fa–” #fwc2014

Danaerys with curling effort from 20 yards that Smaug sees all the way and catches between his teeth. #fwc2014

Another new ball. #fwc2014

19′ Middle Earth’s last seven goals have been scored by seven different players. #fwc2014

20′ GOAL!! Great work from Danaerys as she wriggles between Gimli and Gandalf on the left before a chipped cross. #fwc2014

Smaug was bewildered there by Tyrion in the six yard box. It was the easiest thing in the world for the Imp to head the ball home. #fwc2014

21′ A very rare sight here – Tyrion has a beaming smile and looks ecstatic in his celebration! #fwc2014

Such a marked change from his usual sour expression, but you can see why. That’s a huge goal. #fwc2014

22′ This is the first time Middle Earth have been behind in a competitive game since the infamous Thomas Covenant goal. #fwc2014

24′ Frodo steals half a yard off his marker but is unable to glance his header on target. Good response from Middle Earth. #fwc2014

25′ This may be an appropriate time to remind you that Middle Earth have never beaten Westeros in seven previous attempts. #fwc2014

26′ Great strength from Frodo to hold the ball up and tee up Gamgee for a strike. The Spider gets down to make the save. #fwc2014

Elric: “A great keeper for Westeros. He plays as though he always knows exactly what’s coming. Never flustered.” #fwc2014

28′ Lovely gliding run forward from Samwise Gamgee before he picks out Merry who tries to feed Frodo with a reverse pass. #fwc2014

30′ Merry now has a pop from range himself, but his shot is always swinging away from goal and wide. #fwc2014

31′ Thorin concedes a free-kick for a foul on Tyrion, though it’s difficult to know what referee Loki saw there. #fwc2014

The Lannisters surround the referee. More of a huddle than a confrontation. #fwc2014

Now Gandalf’s getting involved. He’s waving his staff. This might get ugly. #fwc2014

Gandalf gets a yellow card for dissent. I think Loki enjoyed writing his name in the book. Play resumes. #fwc2014

The free kick is a lame effort by Jaime. Smaug watches it past the post. #fwc2014

32′ Tyrion teases Gandalf as he shields the ball from him before being hauled down by his shirt. #fwc2014

Gandalf has to be careful here. #fwc2014

A great performance from the striker so far. #fwc2014

33′ Gamgee sends Thorin scampering away down the right. #fwc2014

He skips the challenge of Jaime before sending in a lovely cross for Pippin that Cersei just reaches before him! #fwc2014

Corner to Middle Earth. #fwc2014

34′ Westeros defend the corner and soon they are on the attack. Lovely control from Danaerys. #fwc2014

She slips the ball into the box for Jon Snow, who tries to turn but is halted by Gandalf. Why didn’t he hit it on the turn? #fwc2014

35′ The ball sits up well enough for Legolas to try his luck. He hits a solid strike on target that The Spider saves well! #fwc2014

36′ Tyrion is onside as he chases a after a long clearance from the Westeros half… #fwc2014

GOAL!! An unerring strike right into the top corner from the edge of the box! Fantastic! Smaug flails. #fwc2014

Classic dragon error. He tried to burn the ball out of the air when a simple parry would probably have done. #fwc2014

Tyrion celebrates his second goal of the game by whipping off his shirt and striking a pose. That’s a booking. Not that he’ll care. #fwc2014

Middle Earth players surround the referee now claiming that not all of the ash crossed the line. #fwc2014

Ned Stark: “Looking at the video replay they might have a point.” #fwc2014

Doesn’t matter. Loki has given it. #fwc2014

Elric: “The video clearly shows the ball bursts into flames well before it crosses the line.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “Does ash still count?” #fwc2014

Still doesn’t matter. Smaug and Sauron are furious but it’s 2-0 Westeros. #fwc2014

39′ Pippin’s control lets him down inside the Westeros box. Middle Earth look rattled. #fwc2014

41′ Tyrion is now Westeros’s joint-highest all-time scorer in this championship, level with Danaerys. #fwc2014

42′ Gandalf kicks the ball out play as Danaerys is on the floor writhing around in pain. #fwc2014

There was some argy-bargy in the box there between Danaerys and Smaug. #fwc2014

The replay shows an exchange of words and then Smaug flattens her with a swat of his tail. Uh-oh. The referee saw it too. #fwc2014

That’s a yellow card for Smaug. The dragon is furious. Incandescent, you might say. #fwc2014

There’s been some off-the-pitch banter on Twitter between Smaug and Danaerys before the match, but that’s no excuse. #fwc2014

Smaug has lost it! Westeros and Middle Earth players fleeing the penalty box. Smaug is breathing fire everywhere. #fwc2014

Danaerys enveloped in flames. Just as well she’s fire-proof. #fwc2014

Smaug smashes the goal. Loki shows the red card. Smaug tries to eat him. #fwc2014

The dragon’s completely lost it. He leaves the pitch at last. Middle Earth down to ten men. #fwc2014

That’s the last thing they need. #fwc2014

44′ Danaerys leaves the field on her feet, and will rejoin play shortly. Middle Earth’s can’t wait for half time. #fwc2014

Loki magics the goal back together. Looks like Gandalf’s going to replace Smaug at least until half time. #fwc2014

45′ Gimli plays the give-and-go down the left. He gets the ball back and crosses it, but The Spider comfortably claims it. #fwc2014

45+1′ Middle Earth win a corner, but The Hound heads it clear as the first defender. #fwc2014

45+2′ Half-time is signalled. Middle Earth go into the break two goals and a man down. #fwc2014

Not many would have predicted that before kick-off, but Tyrion’s brace has got Westeros dreaming. #fwc2014

Plenty to talk about from that first half. Two goals and the sending off. What do you make of that? #fwc2014

Radagast: “Middle Earth have produced some quality moves in the first half but their finishing has been poor.” #fwc2014

Elric: “It’s the same old story. They grandstand. It’s great spectacle, but there doesn’t seem to be the commitment any more.” #fwc2014

Radagast: “Smaug was new to the team and the manager’s brought him in to add something new. But it hasn’t paid off.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “It’s bound to happen sooner or later if you leave a dragon like that without a rider.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “’I and fire, I am death’ is all very well for the pre-match press conference, but what you are now, mate, is sent off.” #fwc2014

Radagast: “Westeros have gone in at half time very happy.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark’s ghost: “Tyrion rocks tonight and he well deserved this show. It’s maybe his star hour tonight.” #fwc2014

Elric: “After everything he’s been through the law of averages owed him a couple of goals. Superb! Tyrion should stay hungry.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark’s ghost: “Westeros are a team with a tendency to implode, but tonight they’ve kept it together admirably.” #fwc2014

Elric: “Do you see any way for Middle Earth to get back into this? Ten men and two goals down?” #fwc2014

Radagast: “Honestly? No.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “Fat chance.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark’s ghost: “I wouldn’t be so sure. Westeros are going to feel comfortable now, and that’s dangerous.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark’s ghost: “They’ll sit back and turn on one another. And you just can’t do that against Middle Earth’s front four.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark’s ghost: “Hobbits are so incredibly dangerous.” #fwc2014

Ned Stark’s ghost: “They’re not much to look at, but Middle Earth are at their best with their backs to the wall.” #fwc2014

The teams return. Looks like Gandalf is staying in goal. Middle Earth sticking to their attacking formation. #fwc2014

It’s going to be fascinating second half. #fwc2014

46′ The second half is underway! #fwc2014

47′ Middle Earth substitutions: Gollum and Bilbo were introduced at half-time for Frodo and Pippin. #fwc2014

Bizarrely Tyrion and Oberyn Martell have been substituted for Westeros. Brienne for Oberyn is a defensive move. #fwc2014

Oberyn is apparently suffering a recurrence of his crushed skull injury. No news on Tyrion. Reek up front? Really? Reek? #fwc2014

48′ Bilbo makes an impact early in the second half, showing good feet to create a chance for himself in the box. #fwc2014

I don’t know what’s been going on in the Westeros dressing room, but that substitution makes no sense. #fwc2014

49′ Bilbo’s pass for Merry on the edge of the box runs behind him to Gimli, who plays a one-two with Merry… #fwc2014

…and sends his sidefooted effort from the edge of the box over the bar! Great start to the second half from Middle Earth. #fwc2014

They are attacking with real purpose. #fwc2014

51′ Problems for Westeros in midfield. The Hound and Arya have tangled. The Hound isn’t getting up. #fwc2014

He was pretty close to Smaug when the dragon went off at the end of the first half. It’s rattled him. #fwc2014

No, he’s not getting up. Westeros use their third substitution and bring on Littlefinger. #fwc2014

54′ Bilbo’s cross is blocked but it runs to Gollum. Gollum goes down, possibly with a Lannister knife in his back. #fwc2014

He’s up again. Only muted appeals and play continues. Referee Loki isn’t interested. #fwc2014

55′ Searing run from Gamgee to the byline and he pulls the ball back for Legolas. #fwc2014

56′ Gollum charges into the area but it’s a well-timed tackle from Stannis that means Westeros only concede a corner. #fwc2014

Despite being down to ten men it’s all Middle Earth at the moment. Reek looking very isolated up front. #fwc2014

59′ Gamgee linking up well with Thorin again down the right. That flank looks like a good source of chances for Middle Earth. #fwc2014

60′ Danaerys has the ball on the corner of the Middle Earth area and she has only one intention. She hits a curling low strike… #fwc2014

…great save from Gandalf. Danaerys is looking sharper than she did in the first half. She’s a real threat. #fwc2014

61′ Stannis goes into the referee’s book for a foul on Merry. The free-kick is in a central area, about 25 yards from goal. #fwc2014

Sauron, Gamgee and Bilbo all fancy taking this. #fwc2014

62′ It will be Sauron to strike. Plenty of dip and bend on it as it head for the top corner, but The Spider saves well! #fwc2014

63′ Jaime Lannister on a meandering run out of defence. He’s… #fwc2014

Well. #fwc2014

I don’t know what happened there. #fwc2014

Thorin kicks the ball out of play. There are three Westeros players down. A misunderstanding between Jaime and Jon Snow. #fwc2014

Snow takes the worse of it. Then bizarrely Jaime spins out of the collision and smacks into Danaerys. She goes down and… #fwc2014

Did he tread on her head? He did! That looks more like a stamp. Westeros with some serious problems here. #fwc2014

Jaime is on his feet again. Dirty looks from Jon Snow, who is also up, but they’re having to bring on the stretcher for Danaerys. #fwc2014

Westeros have used all three substitutions already. If she can’t continue, they’re down to ten men too. #fwc2014

Wait! Snow is limping off! Looks like he can’t continue either! #fwc2014

Is he faking it? #fwc2014

Westeros have always had a discipline issue and tensions in the team, but what a time to implode! #fwc2014

65′ Reek tries to catch Gandalf off his guard with an effort on goal. it’s an easy catch for the keeper in the end. #fwc2014

67′ Littlefinger and Arya exchange incisive passes and Arya fires wide! That would have surely been curtains for Middle Earth! #fwc2014

Despite being down to nine men – entirely of their own making – Westeros are still dominating the midfield. #fwc2014

69′ Another collision between two Westerosi, this time Littlefinger and Cersei. #fwc2014

Middle Earth put the ball out of play so that Cersei can receive treatment. That has not gone down well with the crowd. #fwc2014

71′ Middle Earth substitution: Tauriel repalces Thorin. #fwc2014

72′ Both teams have now used all three of their substitutions. #fwc2014

73′ Gandalf is closed down as he tries to make a clearance and is rattled into making an error! #fwc2014

Arya twists and turns to leave Gandalf flat on his back before firing a low strike inches wide of the far post! #fwc2014

Brienne was screaming for the square pass but Arya went for glory. #fwc2014

75′ Gollum wins a corner. Every set piece not converted now will start to sap the belief from the Middle Earth team. #fwc2014

76′ Aragorn heads wide. He looks wholly disappointed with himself as he trots back to his own half. #fwc2014

78′ Great tackle from Arya as Gollum was preparing to surge into the Westeros box. #fwc2014

79′ Lovely pass from Brienne to send Arya away down the left. The midfielder hooks the ball into the box but Gandalf intercepts. #fwc2014

81′ The Westeros penalty box looks very chopped up. A consequence of Smaug’s first half rampage. #fwc2014

The game is really opening up now. 10 v. 9 and both sides are looking desperate. Several Westeros players carrying injuries now. #fwc2014

82′ Sauron’s cross is headed away by Stannis and in the blink of an eye Littlefinger is clean through on goal! #fwc2014

As two despairing dwarves dive in he shoots into the side netting! #fwc2014

Gandalf lumps the ball forward to Middle Earth’s attacking line. Whatever subtlety they once had is long gone. #fwc2014

That’s just what he does. Never mind the midfield. Always the same long ball to the hobbit front line and hope for the best. #fwc2014

They could do with playing it through the middle of the pitch more. Their play has become a bit one-dimensional. #fwc2014

The Middle Earth midfield looked like a second bank of defenders for most of the first half. They don’t look it now. #fwc2014

84′ Arya is booked for a foul on Gollum. #fwc2014

85′ Quick one-two inside the Westeros box and Bilbo has the ball right in front of goal… #fwc2014

Another excellent tackle from Cersei! She punches Gollum in delight at her great piece of defence! #fwc2014

Jaime brings down Merry right on the edge of the box. Straight into Loki’s book. Yellow card. #fwc2014

Middle Earth are screaming for him to be sent off but he survives. A nod from Tywin there: “well done, my son.” #fwc2014

Ooof. Sauron takes the free kick and blasts the ball straight into the wall and straight into Arya. #fwc2014

Cersei clears, but the Westeros winger is down. That was some strike by Sauron. Loki is inspecting the ball. #fwc2014

Another new ball needed. #fwc2014

Tywin is having a word with the referee and the fourth official. The fourth official looks a lot bigger than I remember. #fwc2014

Westeros are trying to bring on another substitiute! Sansa for Arya! That’s a fourth substitute! They can’t do that! #fwc2014

The referee hasn’t noticed. That or he doesn’t care. #fwc2014

Middle Earth players surround Loki . . . Whoa! Sauron just picked Loki up and choke-slammed him. #fwc2014

Middle Earth are all over the fourth official . . . I thought the fourth official was a bit bigger – isn’t that the Mountain? #fwc2014

Tywin Lannister giving himself an insurance policy. This will sour the win, if Westeros hang in there. #fwc2014

Loki’s back on his feet. He’s realised his mistake now. He’s waving Sansa off the pitch. She won’t be allowed to play. #fwc2014

Straight red card for Sauron for violent conduct. Off the pitch both sets of substitutes are laying into each other. #fwc2014

The Mountain is down, swarmed by dwarves. Possibly they’re trying to build a new kingdom inside him. #fwc2014

Arwen pushes Sansa and Sansa’s not taking that. The officials need to break this up. #fwc2014

89′ On the pitch Tywin goes into the book, but he won’t mind one jot. Only injury time stands between Westeros and a win now. #fwc2014

90′ Gandalf comes up for a Middle Earth corner, but runs back to his own goal after a shot flies wide of The Spider’s goal. #fwc2014

90+1′ We are in the first of four minutes of added time. #fwc2014

90+2′ PENALTY!! Cersei handles inside the box under pressure from Gollum! A lifeline for Middle Earth! Gollum to take it… #fwc2014

90+2′ GOAL!! Gollum only takes a one-step run-up, but his penalty is good enough to fly out of the diving The Spider’s reach! #fwc2014

2-1. They can’t, can they? #fwc2014

90+3′ Gandalf is now stationed in the centre circle as Middle Earth lay siege to the Westeros goal. #fwc2014

Middle Earth playing a 1-2-6 formation now! #fwc2014

Aragorn is booked for a barge on Tywin. Westeros can breathe again. #fwc2014

90+5′ Gandalf charges up for one final free-kick by the halfway line, but Middle Earth play it short! #fwc2014

By the time it’s sent into the box the final whistle has been blown! Westeros WIN! #fwc2014

Well, that was quite incredible. Westeros worthy winners on the night, with Tyrion their two-goal hero. #fwc2014

They played well in the first half and deserved their half-time lead. But the news is all going to be about the second half. #fwc2014

Lots of controversy there, but lets not forget that Westeros were 2-0 up before Smaug was sent off. #fwc2014

Westeros team has been decimated. Looks like most of their best players will be out for the next match. Last thoughts? #fwc2014

Ned Stark: “Typical Lannister defensive strategy in the second half. Bugger up everything even if you don’t need to.” #fwc2014

Radagast: “Middle Earth will need to re-think their strategy. They have the players but they need way more depth.” #fwc2014

Elric: “Both teams gave us a full exhibition of both their strengths and their weaknesses.” #fwc2014

Zafir: “A marvel of destructive play by Westeros. I look forward to playing them. What’s left of them.” #fwc2014

And that concludes our commentary for tonight. #fwc2014

The Splintered Gods (June 2014 UK)

Published in the UK on the 19th July and appears to be available in the US as well via internet vendors. Once upon a time I had an ambition to write a fantasy murder mystery. This isn’t it, though it does have a trace of that origin in it. Zafir doesn’t own this story quite the way she owned Dragon Queen, but she has her claws in it pretty deep still.

So stuff happened at the end of Dragon Queen, and there are going to be some consequences now, and either everyone will band together to ensure the best is done for the greater good of society at large or maybe they’ll just claw each other apart to see who gets to be king of the ash-pile. Arbiter Red Lin Feyn is supposed to make sure it’s the former, not the latter, but she might have her work cut out for her.

The Splintered Gods is a direct sequel to Dragon Queen. You could probably read it on its own without reading Dragon Queen and it would still make sense, but you’d lose a lot of Berren, past and Zafir too.

Here’s chapter one, in which Tuuran and Crazy Mad do some looting and play with gunpowder.

The Splintered Gods

The Splintered Gods is published in the UK on the 19th July and appears to be available in the US as well via internet vendors. Once upon a time I had an ambition to write a fantasy murder mystery. This isn’t it, though it does have a trace of that origin in it. Zafir doesn’t own this story quite the way she owned Dragon Queen, but she has her claws in it pretty deep still.

So stuff happened at the end of Dragon Queen, and there are going to be some consequences now, because there’s no way the rest of the world isn’t going to sit up and take notice once they discover what’s happened. Will everyone band together to ensure that the best thing is done for the greater good of society at large? Or will they claw each other apart to see who gets to be king of the ash-pile. Arbiter Red Lin Feyn is supposed to make sure it’s the former, not the latter, but she might have her work cut out for her.

The Splintered Gods is a direct sequel to Dragon Queen. You could probably read it on its own without reading Dragon Queen and it would still make sense, but you’d lose a lot of Berren, past and Zafir too.

Here’s chapter one, in which Tuuran and Crazy Mad do some looting and play with gunpowder.

The Splintered Gods: Excerpt

Tuuran smashed his way through a jammed door into what he hoped was going to be a vault of riches beyond his wildest dreams. It wasn’t. He looked around, trying to quash his disappointment. Just paper. Neat little books of it. Big fat ledgers and small slim journals, and he couldn’t make head nor tail of any of it. Gold and silver, of which he certainly could have made something, were distinctly lacking. It didn’t bother him nearly as much as it ought to, though. A dragon had come and burned the city. On its back had been the girl from the Pinnacles, the girl he’d saved when they’d both been ten years younger, and she was alive and grown into a furious and terrible queen, and all the years he’d spent as a slave because of what he’d done that night suddenly had a meaning. Crazy Mad had found his warlock too, and Tuuran’s axe had cut off the warlock’s hand and then his head, and Crazy had taken the warlock’s weird knife. As for the rest – the war and chaos and death and fire, the ruin of a city under the flames of a furious dragon and the swords of a raging army – as for that, he was made for it. He was an Adamantine Man.

He rummaged through the papers again and didn’t find anything that looked to be worth much except a couple of silvery paperweights and a quill pen made from some exotic pretty feather. He stuffed them into his shoulder bag. The bag was almost full; in every room he entered he always found something. He took a couple of books too. Made good kindling, books, and you could always wipe your arse with them. When he was done, he picked his way back out of the shattered tower, through the litter-strewn ruins between cracked and crazed walls of enchanted Taiytakei gold-glass, boots crunching on a carpet of broken glittering shards. The remains of the palace were quiet now, deserted except for a handful of night-skin soldiers poking through the rubble for anything precious that might have survived when the towers had come down. Most of the Taiytakei had moved on, rooting out the handful of defenders too stupid to know a lost cause when it stared them in the face from the back of a dragon. In the next yard along, through a beautifully elegant ruby-glass arch which had somehow survived, three soldiers crouched around a litter of tumbled stonework, twisted metal and shattered golden glass, prodding at it. Tuuran had no idea what they’d found. As he watched, a palace slave, miraculously alive, crept out of some hiding place and ran away. No one tried to stop her. No one paid attention. There wasn’t anywhere for her to go.

Crazy Mad was sitting on the edge of a wall, looking out over the cliffs and the sea and the burning city. The dragon was gone but Crazy Mad’s eyes were set in its wake. Tuuran sat and nudged him.

‘Some nice loot in there,’ he said. ‘You should grab some while you can.’

Crazy Mad didn’t answer; but then Crazy carried a darkness inside, and a day with him wouldn’t be complete without a pause for a bit of inner turmoil. Tuuran didn’t mind. After everything he’d seen today, maybe he was in the mood for some thinking too – a thing as rare as the moon eclipsing the sun, but there it was – so he sat quietly beside his friend, looking out over the water. They’d sailed together across three worlds and fought battles side by side in every one of them. They’d crossed the storm-dark, chasing after Crazy Mad’s warlock, and they’d found him and done for him, and that was all good – it wasn’t as if Tuuran had had anything better to do. And then there was the Elemental Man who’d promised to take him home if Tuuran kept an eye on what Crazy Mad did, though he’d never said for how long or why or what to look for.

There was the dragon, too. The dragon had him thinking. Remembering. Ten years as a slave, years since he’d given up on going home, and now here he was, right back with all those longings again. And the girl from the Pinnacles, the dragon-queen Zafir, the speaker of the nine realms. She would have been his queen now. Duty. Desire. Purpose. They ran through him like fires out of control, messing with his head, confusing him. Crazy wanted to go to Aria and chase more warlocks. The long and short of it was that Tuuran didn’t.

A shout rang out from the rubble, then another and a crack of lightning and he was off his wall in a flash, crouched behind the gold-glass shield he’d stolen off a dead Taiytakei halfway up the Eye of the Sea Goddess, peering out in case everything was about to kick off again.

‘Bird! Bring it down!’

He couldn’t see who was doing the shouting but he saw the next flash of lightning, a jagged crack of it launched into the sky, fired off at some speck, a black dot against the deep blue, nothing more.

‘Bring it down! It came from the tower.’

Tuuran hunched up against the broken stone wall and watched, pieces of shattered gold-glass all around him. He didn’t have a lightning wand because the wands only worked for the night-skins. Did the slave brands see to that? He didn’t know. He watched the bird until he couldn’t see it any more. The night-skins threw a dozen lightning bolts, trying to bring it down, but they all missed. Eventually they stopped shouting at each other and got back to whatever they were doing.

Tuuran waited a bit, just in case they decided to change their minds and started throwing lightning again; when they didn’t, he got up, stretched his shoulders and wandered around the walls, skirting the smashed chunks of glass from the two fallen towers of what had once been the glorious Palace of Roses, all odd shapes and splinters and corners now, some of them as big as a house, all scattered among glittering gravel. Three towers of glass and gold had once stood here, colossal things that scraped the sky itself when he’d looked from the city below, but only one was left standing. The dragon had brought the other two down, rending them with claw and lashing tail, cracking them cascading to the jagged stumps that remained. The elegant yards and immaculate gardens that had once run between them were covered in twinkling splinters and sparkling rubble. Dead men – pieces of dead men – lay in scattered piles against the outer walls, and many of those walls were cracked and splintered too. In the sunlight the ruins gleamed like a vast pile of gold. Tuuran sniggered to himself at that. Like an immense heap of treasure with a dragon on the top, only the dragon had gone.

The remains of black-powder cannon lay scattered about, their gold-glass workings fractured and broken, their metal tubes and gears mangled and twisted but not so broken as to hide their purpose and thus their failure. What wasn’t smashed was scorched and charred or pockmarked by the shrapnel of flying knives of glass. Where the outer ring of the palace was more than a twisted iron skeleton in a circle of debris, where it hadn’t been smashed open or exploded from the inside, handfuls of Taiytakei soldiers herded groups of captives. A magnificent gatehouse stood bizarrely intact, its bronze gates as tall as a dragon. They hung open and askew and seemed to Tuuran slightly sad. Beyond, a zigzag road wound down the slope of the Dul Matha. Two more gatehouses lay scorched and burned across its way, scattered around with the charred remains of the dragon’s passing. The road wound to the edge of the cliff, to the glass-and-gold Bridge of Forever or the Bridge of Eternity or something like that – Tuuran couldn’t remember – which joined Dul Matha to the island that was the Eye of the Sea Goddess. The first bridge to join those cliffs had been made from a rope spun from the hair of Ten Tazei or some daft story like that. Now a great span of golden glass levitated between them, a thousand feet above the sea. It was still intact. That was something then, since the only other way off the island palace was to plunge from the cliffs into the sea.

Tuuran’s eyes scanned the road, winding their way down. In a few places blackened bodies still smouldered from the dragon’s passing. Furtive figures scuttled among them. Fugitives? Men of conscience lingering to give last rites to the dead and ease their passage to the next life? Maybe just looters. The brave and the mad. Crazy people. Tuuran had seen plenty of fights in his time but none as bloody as this. No quarter. Mobs of enraged slaves tearing night-skins to pieces. The dragon burning everything. Kept a man on edge, that did. Best to keep quiet and out of the way. He went back to his wall and nudged Crazy. ‘We should be going, my friend.’

Crazy ignored him. Not that that was particularly strange.

When Tuuran looked again, Taiytakei soldiers were piling barrels across the middle of the bridge. He didn’t much like the look of that, at least not while he was standing on the wrong side of it. ‘They’re going to bring it down,’ he said. ‘Then we’re stuck here. I’m not sure they’re going to let us off.’ The other Taiytakei didn’t look they were leaving any time soon though, so he supposed there wasn’t any hurry. Still, it had his hackles up.

Crazy didn’t move. On other days Tuuran might have shrugged his shoulders and sat beside him, waiting for Crazy to come back from wherever his thoughts had taken him. But today Tuuran had a dragon to find. It made him restless. They were going their separate ways from here. He could feel it.

‘Well then. I’ll be going,’ he said; and when Crazy still didn’t look round, Tuuran nodded to himself because this was how an Adamantine Man was after all. Each to his own duty. No regrets, no doubts, no hesitation, just getting on with what needed to be done. He turned his back and walked alone through the great bronze gates and down towards the bridge, briskly past the dead and the living. No sense dallying. It was time to move on. Making a fuss about it wouldn’t change anything, however shit it felt to simply up and go.

He reached the bridge. Two Taiytakei stopped what they were doing and turned to meet him, barring his way. The rest kept on taking barrels off a glass sled hovering in the air beside them. The ground around the end of the bridge was thick with bodies and tumbled stone, same as when Tuuran and Crazy had first come over, a litany of dead among makeshift impromptu barricades that had all counted for nothing when the dragon came crashing among them. The bodies he remembered were all charred black and flaking on account of the dragon burning fifty shades of shit out of everything, so it wasn’t hard to see the corpses that had come later. A scatter of slaves, their pale dead skin untouched by dragon-fire. To Tuuran, the scars and burns that marked them looked a lot like lightning.

The Taiytakei blocking his path across the bridge had lightning wands hung from their hips. They were dressed in glass-and-gold armour and carried ornately spiked maces for smashing that same armour to pieces. Ashgars. Tuuran didn’t have any of those things, but he did have a nice big gold-glass shield that seemed to do for the lightning and a nice big axe too; and he’d found his axe could make a very pleasant mess even of a man dressed in gold-glass.

The fresh bodies were unbranded oar-slaves, most of them, but there were sword-slaves in there too. Tuuran smiled at the Taiytakei soldiers and shook his head and kept on coming. One hand went behind his back as if to scratch an itch. He rolled his shoulders, loosening his shield arm. This was all going to go bad, wasn’t it?

The closer soldier whipped out his wand and fired. Tuuran saw it coming and dropped to his haunches. Lightning cracked and sparked off his shield. His ears rang, his eyes stung, a sudden sharp tang in the air bit at his nose. Never mind that though. He moved fast, a sudden dash forward, the hand behind his back clamped around the shaft of his axe.

‘You shit-eating slavers never change, do you?’ A second thunderous flash of lightning deafened and half-blinded him, but he was still moving and his axe was swinging around his head, and the two Taiytakei in front of him were gawping like a pair of old men, too busy wondering why their lightning hadn’t killed him to be thinking straight. The swing of his axe took the first soldier across the face, smashing his helm and showering bits of it down his throat. Most of his chin and his teeth jumped loose in a spray of red. The axe didn’t stop. Tuuran steered its blade into the second man’s shoulder. The first Taiytakei fell back, sank to his knees and held his hands to his face and then crumpled. Tuuran gave him a few seconds before he either fainted or drowned in his own blood. The second soldier was still up, screaming, hand clutched to his shoulder, a few teeth and bits of the first soldier’s face wrapped around his neck. Tuuran hadn’t met any armour yet that could turn a sharp axe on the end of a good strong arm, but the gold-glass had taken the sting out of his swing. Well, that and the first man’s face.

Out on the bridge the Taiytakei stacking barrels had stopped. Eight of them, and they all had their own wands and were reaching for them. A little voice in the back of Tuuran’s head wondered whether he’d properly thought this one through. He kicked the wounded soldier hard in the hip and slammed into him, face to face, driving him towards the others. Lightning hit them, bursting in sparks all around the wounded man’s gold-glass. It bit at Tuuran’s face and fingers. He yelped and jumped away, almost dropped his axe, shoved the wounded man at the others, sparks still jumping from his armour, stumbled and almost fell. Eight at once? Soft in the head that was . . .

Change of plan. He cringed behind his shield, stooped and kicked at one of the sleds they’d used to carry the barrels and sent it gliding back the way he’d come. He jumped on it as the soldiers found their wits, turned as fast as he could as they threw lightning at him, and hunkered down, the shield held behind him, eyes almost closed, teeth gritted, muttering a prayer or two to his ancestors as the sled carried him back to the end of the bridge. Thunderbolts rang around him. He felt them hit the shield. His hand went numb and then the sled reached the rubble of the barricades and Tuuran threw himself helter-skelter behind the first cover he could see. He took a moment and a few deep breaths. He certainly wasn’t about to get up close into a fight with eight lunatics throwing lightning about the place when they were surrounded by explosive barrels of black powder.

‘Well then, Tuuran, now what?’ The fresh bodies told him all he needed to know: the Taiytakei were killing everyone. Scorching the earth. He wasn’t even much surprised. You didn’t let loose a horde of slaves and then expect them to walk meekly back into their chains when it was done. And you certainly didn’t leave them to spread havoc and a dangerous taste for freedom.

He peered out and then ducked back as more lightning came his way. ‘I was on your side you mudfeet,’ he yelled at them, not that it was going to make any difference.

A movement caught his eye in the cracked stone and splinters of what might once have been a watchtower. A piece of burning wood flew from it onto the bridge. Another followed and then another. They skittered across the glass and landed around the Taiytakei and their barrels of black powder. Tuuran sank down, grinning. Lightning flew back, raking the wreckage of the watchtower but didn’t seem to make any difference to the burning sticks flying out onto the bridge. When the lightning finally stopped, Tuuran risked a look. Taiytakei were running full pelt away. The barrels sat still and quiet. Pieces of wood burned around them.

‘Hey!’ Tuuran threw a stone at the ruined tower. ‘Crazy? That you?’

Crazy Mad scuttled out from the rubble, hunched low in case the bridge exploded or some idiot started chucking lightning at him again. He hurdled Tuuran’s floating sled and dived into the dirt beside him. ‘And how far did you think you’d get without me, big man?’

‘As far as I bloody wanted.’ Tuuran smiled as he said it. Might have been true – probably was – but it felt right, the two of them side by side.

‘No ships to take me back to Aria here.’ Crazy shuffled closer, watching the bridge and peering at the Taiytakei on the far side. ‘No ships to take us anywhere at all, by the looks of it.’

‘Told you so.’

‘Smug piece of shit.’ Crazy crawled to the sled and poked at it. ‘What’s this then?’

‘Cargo sled. The night-skins use them to move stuff about when they can’t use slaves. Must have carried the powder up from the ships.’

Crazy poked at it some more. He seemed fascinated by the way it hovered over the ground and moved back and forth with even the lightest touch. ‘What happens if I push this off a cliff? It just keeps floating, does it?’

Tuuran shrugged. ‘Well I was hoping so. That or it plunges to the sea, tips everything off as it goes and then settles itself nice and happy a foot above the waves with everything else smashed to bits on the rocks below. Definitely one or the other. Maybe depends on how much you put on top of it.’ He shrugged. ‘How would I know? Do I look like a night-skin to you?’

Crazy gave him a dirty look. ‘Best I don’t answer that, big man. So, you planning on waiting here for them soldiers up at the palace to come and find they haven’t got a bridge any more and then for the two of us to fight a few hundred Taiytakei for the only way off this place? Or were you thinking more about slipping off somewhere quiet while they’re all still busy. Because I’m easy, either way.’ Crazy turned, tugging at the sled. After a moment Tuuran followed, walking back up the road out of range of the Taiytakei across the bridge. The barrels still hadn’t exploded.

‘You should have thrown more fire,’ Tuuran said.

Crazy Mad shrugged. ‘I threw enough.’ He chuckled. ‘You wait, big man. Just when you’re not ready . . . then boom.’ He snapped his fingers.

It was probably a coincidence that the bridge exploded a moment later, but with Crazy Mad these days you could never quite be sure.

Book Giveaway: Barricade (9/6/2014)

I am grumpy this week. My foot hurts. My foot hurt last week. It’s not suppose to hurt and it’s definitely not supposed to hurt for so long. Walking is distinctly uncomfortable, and running and leaping and bounding and jumping and cavorting and other circus skills are all right out, which pisses me off, because while I’m pretty luke-warm about running, I’m generally right up for some leaping and cavorting.

The structural rewrites for Fragile Hope are done, so that’s the news. Back to the last rewrite (I hope) of The Silver Kings this week. Ah Zafir, I shall miss your unholy combination of pathos and ruthless brutality. Anyway. This week’s giveaway. I was going to go with Jon Wallace’s Barricade, but I’m currently reading it and it’s rather good and I don’t know that I want to part with it. So no Barricade for . . .  oh go on then. Here’s the blurb. I’m about a third of the way through it, it’s a fast sharp and darkly witty English version of Mad Max, so far. Imagine a pissed-off Roy Batty instead of Mel Gibson.

“Kenstibec was genetically engineered to build a new world, but the apocalypse forced a career change. These days he drives a taxi instead.

A fast-paced, droll and disturbing novel, BARRICADE is a savage road trip across the dystopian landscape of post-apocalypse Britain; narrated by the cold-blooded yet magnetic antihero, Kenstibec.

Kenstibec is a member of the ‘Ficial’ race, a breed of merciless super-humans. Their war on humanity has left Britain a wasteland, where Ficials hide in barricaded cities, besieged by tribes of human survivors. Originally optimised for construction, Kenstibec earns his keep as a taxi driver, running any Ficial who will pay from one surrounded city to another.

The trips are always eventful, but this will be his toughest yet. His fare is a narcissistic journalist who’s touchy about her luggage. His human guide is constantly plotting to kill him. And that’s just the start of his troubles.”

There’s a couple of sample chapters up on the Gollancz blog, and some reviews and shit by people whose opinions matter more than mine. If you like it, go for Echo Rising by Danie Ware too, or Veteran by Gavin Smith. If the Gods of Random fail you, it’s available as an e-book for the knock-down price of £1.99 for the next few weeks.

Usual deal – comment on this post before the end of June 14th and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim. This week, who would YOU like to see go on a road-trip through a post-apocalyptic landscape.

Although, though no one has yet complained about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. I am currently up to date with posting things, although whoever won the Incorruptibles competition, I haven’t had an address to send it to, so check your spam or I’ll send it to someone else.

Book Giveaway: In Dark Service (3/6/2014)

Apologies to the few of you who saw the previous version of this post; I appear to have suffered a moment of Wordpress incompetence. So let’s try this again . . .

Not much news this week. I’m on break from The Silver Kings and working on the second William Falkland mystery, which won’t mean anything much to any of you on account of the first one not being out yet. There is a cover I hope to reveal shortly.

Moving on: this week’s giveaway is Stephen Hunt’s In Dark Service, Stephen’s first novel for Gollancz.I haven’t read this one, though I’ve read some of his previous series. Here’s the condensed blurb.

“Carter has been kidnapped. Enslaved. But he’s determined to fight to the end. Jacob is a pacifist. His family destroyed. He’s about to choose the path of violence to reclaim his son. Their world has changed for ever. Between them, they’re going to avenge it.”

But never mind that. Here’s the cover. So. So. Purty. So. Much. Cover. Envy…

Usual deal – comment on this post before the end of June and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim. This week, with the World Cup coming up, I encourage any soccer enthusiasts to offer up a well-known SFF character and what position they’d play (Gollum: substitute striker. Never features in the starting eleven but has a record of coming on for the last 10-15 minutes and scoring the winning goal). For those already rolling their eyes, you may blow elegant raspberries instead

Although, though no one has yet complained about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. I am currently somewhat behind.

Book Giveaway: The Incorruptibles (25/5/2014)

The last major reworking of The Silver Kings is done and I have what feels like a finished book ready now. The spit-and-polish and editing and so forth will now begin. I both love and hate this time in a book’s life. It comes with a great sense of achievement that it’s basically done and with a sense of loss, because now I say goodbye to some characters I’ve grown very fond of, and a (stupid) sense of fear that I’ll never be able to write again.

This week’s giveaway is The Incorruptibles by John Hornor Jacobs. It’s not out yet, so you might have to wait a but, but I’ve read an unproofed ARC and it’s a marvelous. Somewhere across between Deadwood and Rome with demon-powered six-shooters. Here’s the blurb:

“In the contested and unexplored territories at the edge of the Empire, a boat is making its laborious way up stream. Riding along the banks are the mercenaries hired to protect it – from raiders, bandits and, most of all, the stretchers, elf-like natives who kill any intruders into their territory. The mercenaries know this is dangerous, deadly work. But it is what they do.

In the boat the drunk governor of the territories and his sons and daughters make merry. They believe that their status makes them untouchable. They are wrong. And with them is a mysterious, beautiful young woman, who is the key to peace between warring nations and survival for the Empire. When a callow mercenary saves the life of the Governor on an ill-fated hunting party, the two groups are thrown together.

For Fisk and Shoe – two tough, honourable mercenaries surrounded by corruption, who know they can always and only rely on each other – their young companion appears to be playing with fire. The nobles have the power, and crossing them is always risky. And although love is a wonderful thing, sometimes the best decision is to walk away. Because no matter how untouchable or deadly you may be, the stretchers have other plans.”

It’s short and sharp and I liked it. It’s officially out in August, but if you’re lucky you might get an early copy – depends whether our mutual editor is feeling in a good mood or not. Also, if the Gods of Random don’t happen to favour you this time, it’s ridiculously cheap (£1.99) as a pre-order e-book for a limited period.

Usual deal – comment on this post before the end of June and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim.This week you have to help me out, and if you don’t then I’ll know you didn’t read to the bottom of the post and your comment won’t count :-p

I have proposals to submit for something new. Tell me which one most grabs your attention. My editor and agent will probably choose something entirely different and we’ll all fail to agree, but you never know. Am curious to see if a strong favourite emerges:

1: Fantasy. City-based. A misfit gang of thieves accidentally get themselves caught up in an empire-spanning conspiracy and really wish they hadn’t. With occasional zombies and silly hats.

2: A handful of secret and not-so-secret magicians find themselves pulled into the first world war. With arcane tanks, sentient bears, djinn and Rasputin.

3. San Francisco. 1972. Surfers. Hippies. Dope. Aliens. A surreal cold-war conspiracy thriller with an extra-terrestrial prize.

4. A misfit bunch of space-cops in a backwater future world find themselves investigating odd crimes which aren’t as unrelated as they first appear.

5. Baroque Space Opera I struggle to describe better than “Dune meets Game of Thrones”

Comment to tell me which one you like best and you’re in. Although, though no one has yet complained about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. I am currently a couple of weeks behind.

More Gallow and a Gallow Giveaway (19/5/2014)

Still rewriting The Silver Kings. If I ever try to write a character as vexingly complicated as Zafir again, someone please shoot me.

Anyway, this week there is some good news for any Gallow and Nathan Hawke fans out there. To keep things smouldering along a bit while we all work out whether enough people want to see more Gallow for anyone to want to publish any more novels, I’ve agreed with Gollancz to write three shortish stories. No firm dates for publication as yet since they haven’t been written, but I imagine it’ll be as soon as reasonably possible. There’s also an e-book omnibus of the original novels available here.

That being the case I think I’ll give away another couple of Nathan Hawke books this week, Cold Redemption and The Last Bastion. The Last Bastion picks up from where Cold Redemption leaves off, so they’re pretty much a couple.

Usual deal – comment on this post before May 25th  and I’ll randomly select lucky victims. This week I want to know WHY HAVEN’T YOU READ DRAGON QUEEN YET… No, this week I want you to vote, if you’re eligible. Just vote. I mean in the elections, not for which book you like best (yes, Mike, I’m looking at YOU).

Although, though no one has yet complained about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually.

Elite: Wanted

Elite: Wanted, a tie-in book for the forthcoming Elite: Dangerous game became available to download in e-book form on 15th May 2014. A hardback version will be release later on the 16th October, by which time we should all be busy murdering and pirating each other through the beta release of the game at the very least. Please buy it so I can afford a new PC with which to actually run the damn game…

Here’s an extract and here’s the cover.

No reviews as yet.

Book Giveaway: Dragon Queen (12/5/2014)

Ziva rammed the throttle wide open and threw the Fer-de-Lance into a tight spin, spitting out countermeasures in a classic tesseract pattern. Her wingman, a second Fer-de-Lance, shot between the incoming missiles and her countermeasure bloom, adding to the confusion, but it didn’t make a difference. The Cobra Mk. III was still coming at her. Somehow it had shot all four of her missiles before they’d burst and scattered their warheads and now the Cobra was firing steadily at her with frightening accuracy. Whatever software it was running was unreal and she wanted it.

The second Fer-de-Lance twisted away. He always did that. ‘Turn and take him head on you weasel,’ she muttered.

A lucky shot from the Cobra punched a hole through the crystal titanium skin over the Fer-de-Lance’s port engine. Several cubic centimetres of ablative armour vaporised and took most of the laser’s sting, but not quite enough. Even at this range, the beam of the Cobra’s military laser was still needle thin. The last vestiges stabbed into the engine’s heart and wrecked a power relay no bigger than a thumbnail. A magnetic containment field, already strained to breaking point by Ziva’s frantic manoeuvring, collapsed and raw plasma at eight million Kelvin erupted through the port engine, scouring everything. Damage control cut in at once, raising a magnetic shield and deflecting the plasma outward. The starboard engine started adjusting to compensate but it wasn’t fast enough. The rogue plasma burst out of the ship, kicking it sideways, rupturing the port engine cowling as it went. The kick was hard, hard enough that it almost knocked Ziva out. The ship started to tumble, frantically dumping heat from the engines and ruining Ziva’s perfect countermeasure tesseract.

Before she could do a thing about it, the two chasing missiles arrived milliseconds apart. Their proximity fuses triggered and both warheads burst around her into a scatter of pinhead-sized anti-hydrogen mines. Invisible and lethal. Two seconds later, the first mine hit and the Fer-de-Lance bloomed in a blaze of energy. Overwhelmed shields collapsed and the ship, missiles and mines exploded together with the gamma-flash of a dying star. That was the thing about the Fer-de-Lance: it was a true thoroughbred of a ship but with so much performance crammed into such a tight envelope that it didn’t have the backups and built-in redundancy of the more robust Cobra. Too many single points of failure.

The other Fer-de-Lance frantically ejected countermeasures of its own and darted behind the radiation burst that had once been Ziva’s ship. Its fusion plume flared as the pilot floored the throttle to get away. He turned and ran. The follow-up salvo of missiles from the pursuing Cobra fuzed on the decoys.

Ziva crashed out of the simulation and slammed the flight panel of the Dragon Queen in disgust. ‘Fuck! Again!’

- o O o -

More beating The Silver Kings into shape this week. On Thursday Elite:Wanted comes out in e-book, but only in e-book so I can’t give a copy of it away until it comes out in paper form later in the year. So since I can’t, this week’s giveaway is a choice between a paper copy of the Elite book if you don’t mind waiting or else a copy of Dragon Queen, whihc came out in paperback a few weeks ago and after which Ziva’s ship is named. You choose!

Usual deal – comment on this post before May 18th and I’ll randomly select a lucky victim for a free copy of whichever book you choose. Give me a comment with either a cool name for a dragon or a cool name for a spaceship (just for fun – I won’t be using them) and we’ll have a popularity contest: dragons vs. spaceships.

Although, though no one has yet complained about how long it takes me to get to the post office and post things, it can take a while and if you live abroad then it can take even longer. Sorry about that, but they do get there eventually. Well, so far. I am currently very behind so if you’re waiting for a book from a previous giveaway they’re all in the post.