Utanu Maa's Blog - Posts Tagged "book"

I needed to heal from the profound grief and loss I carried after the death of my only sibling and brother from my mother. I lost my brother to HIV/AIDS. He suffered a lot, and it was painful to him, and to me as a sister to witness my loved one going through a myriad of pains and health complications until he died. I cared for him for the last two months of his life. I was deeply sad and devastated.

I grieved from April 2019 until April 2020; I felt weary and burdened, I desperately needed to talk to someone to share and ease my pain. But Covid-19 had forced the entirety of humanity into confinement. My anxiety, along with everyone else, increased and I felt so lonely inside and out.

My son was away for studies at Memorial University of Newfoundland. In solitude, the only voice you can hear is yours inside of you or your own murmurs , and the only person you talk to is your own double. So, my only rescue was to write and pour all my grief onto a paper to start a journey to resilience, gratitude, and healing.

How have my personal experiences influenced my book?

In my book, I expose not only the pain and suffering caused by the HIV virus but also the shame, stigmas, discrimination, rejection, and isolation that our society inflicts to people living with HIV. So, I write about a virus that is still active, still very infectious, and deadly to bring awareness for protection, inspiration for resilience in hard times, aspiration for a healthy and compassionate society, a testimony and reflection about the voiceless and vulnerable people in our society.

Each poem of my book depicts a true story and personal experiences. I am the witness of the events happening throughout the journey that my readers embark in my book. I wrote about what happened to my brother, from his childhood as a vulnerable orphan infant, marginalized but resilient to survive and grow, to his rise as an accomplished and successful engineer, and to his fall and death as a HIV/AIDS patient.

My writing is also a journey into learning to express gratitude despite challenges because life is a blessing. Our life is filled with many blessings, big or small, but we tend to forget to count them when facing hardship, struggles. One morning as I was weeping, thinking of my brother’s struggles in childhood as a vulnerable and neglected six months old orphan infant when my mother died, recalling the bullies he endured because he did not speak earlier like other kids and was labelled mentality retarded and incapable of succeeding at school, and counting the pain, sufferings, shame and rejection he faced and how he beat all odds and became an accomplished Master in Structure and Building Engineer, a still small voice stormed me inside and spoke to me in this way: “count instead the blessings of his life and heal from that because death is not a punishment”.

From that moment, my brother’s death became the beginning of a new life in everlasting peace. My grief taught me to express gratitude, and with gratitude, I found resilience to overcome and heal. These are the two main lessons in my book: resilience and gratitude to overcome grief, and heal.

Hello Humanity,

Sharing with you this powerful testimony of one of my readers. I believe in posting positive, informative, constructive and educational messages to spread humanism and build stronger communities. Last month, I received an email from Mary Shaw, a teacher in Niagara Falls, Canada, and a fundraising organizer for HIV/AIDS orphans in Africa. Mary sent me videos of her student asking questions
https://drive.google.com/.../1OeYZmmp......
https://drive.google.com/.../1Oxx1Enh......
https://drive.google.com/.../13FJeecY......
and I kindly answered them in a video posted below. She also sent me another video of one of the fundraisings she organized with her students to support children orphans of HIV/AIDS in Africa. Mary commitment to improving the life of HIV/AIDS orphans has inspired me. So, I undertake to donate $2.00 of every sale of my book, format paperback, to support the children orphans of HIV/AIDS in Africa. Each of your purchase of my book “Rise and Fall of My Beloved” will also contribute to a good cause in allowing access to early diagnosis and treatment, and elongate life expectancy of HIV orphans and patients.
Please click on this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f7_1... and my video posted below to watch Mary and her students’ fundraising, and my answers to their questions. In her email, Mary wrote:

“Hello Utanu,

I am a Tellwell Author also and read about you in their Spring newsletter. I have just purchased your book on Amazon and I have finished reading it. I am so impressed. I did cry, a lot-so much. “Tell them that discrimination, judgement, labels, isolation and rejection killed him way before the disease ended his life”. That really resonated with me. Especially the discrimination. Hopefully with COVID wealthy nations will see that we are all connected and disease for one is disease for all and bring more investment in global health… I am so sorry for your brother and the sorrow you have known.
I am a teacher in Niagara Falls and one of my main projects has been organizing each year our Westlane Cares AIDS Walk. Each year we try to raise funds for the Stephen Lewis Foundation and Tumaini Children’s Project. I am haunted by the number of AIDS orphans in Africa and their plight. I make an annual video with a theme to try to encourage students to participate in our walk. Every year I research the number of orphans in Africa and every year it grows higher. 5 years ago, I made this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f7_1... there were 14.8 million orphans, then 2 years later 16 million. I am really sorry that the AIDS pandemic did not get the same level of attention that the current pandemic is receiving. It should have.
I am so impressed with your Facebook page and your outreach and all the wonderful reviews of your book of poetry. You have done such a great job in so little time. I hope to share some of your poems with my students - though I teach math so it will be short ones. And if you could video you reading one poem of your choice and maybe some of the lines from "The Little Orphan". I think the students will be moved by the childhood of your brother. On P. 3 and in the introduction to childhood “The absence of a mother… up to he desperately waited for his dear mother to return.” Such powerful imagery. I can see him and 16 million other orphans in Africa. It breaks my heart.
Congratulations on your accomplishment and I hope for better day ahead for you and your family,
Stay safe and well,

Mary Shaw."