John Box's Blog - Posts Tagged "douchebag"
DOUCHEBAG LAUNCHES SELF-PROMOTING WEBSITE
Press Release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MEDIA CONTACT: john.box68@gmail.com
DOUCHEBAG LAUNCHES SELF-PROMOTING WEBSITE
TOKYO, JAPAN – March 05 – With the purpose of drawing attention to himself and his books, moderately talented but devilishly handsome author/host John Box has launched a new website entitled Pearls Before Swine.
www.pearlsbeforeswine68.com
In announcing the release, Mr. Box was quoted as saying, “Among websites that rate & review comedic novels, blog largely about Japan, and sell used underwear, this has gotta be in the Top 10. Or at least Top 20. Certainly Top 50.”
Mr. Box plans to add a couple new book reviews and blog posts each month (subscribe at the website) and upon request pictures of guys sporting ironic mustaches being slapped. He also plans to someday share with the public fool-proof instructions on how to save the world. But let’s not hold our breath.
John Box is a native of New York. He received a Bachelor’s Degree in massage therapy from Rutgers University and has been known to correctly answer $100 and $200 Jeopardy questions. He also appreciates the idea of a Masters Degree in Creative Writing from Oregon State University. He currently has two books out, Memoirs of a Douchebag and American MaleWhore in Tokyo, both of which his family are trying very hard to forget.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MEDIA CONTACT: john.box68@gmail.com
DOUCHEBAG LAUNCHES SELF-PROMOTING WEBSITE
TOKYO, JAPAN – March 05 – With the purpose of drawing attention to himself and his books, moderately talented but devilishly handsome author/host John Box has launched a new website entitled Pearls Before Swine.
www.pearlsbeforeswine68.com
In announcing the release, Mr. Box was quoted as saying, “Among websites that rate & review comedic novels, blog largely about Japan, and sell used underwear, this has gotta be in the Top 10. Or at least Top 20. Certainly Top 50.”
Mr. Box plans to add a couple new book reviews and blog posts each month (subscribe at the website) and upon request pictures of guys sporting ironic mustaches being slapped. He also plans to someday share with the public fool-proof instructions on how to save the world. But let’s not hold our breath.
John Box is a native of New York. He received a Bachelor’s Degree in massage therapy from Rutgers University and has been known to correctly answer $100 and $200 Jeopardy questions. He also appreciates the idea of a Masters Degree in Creative Writing from Oregon State University. He currently has two books out, Memoirs of a Douchebag and American MaleWhore in Tokyo, both of which his family are trying very hard to forget.
Babies Not Battlefields: Why it is Batshit Crazy to Entrust Women with Leadership Roles of Significance
Introduction
It’s no secret that women fuck up everything. They’re not cool to hang out with, they’re indecisive, and when they do make a decision, it’s the wrong one.
While this is patently obvious to pretty much everyone on the planet, there are a handful of people out there who would take issue with it. To shut them up once and for all, I have provided below indisputable proof of the following principle by citing three concrete examples from Season I of Game of Thrones.
Box’s Law: If there are two or more ways to respond to a critical situation and one of those ways will result in devastating consequences, then a woman will respond in that way.
This also applies to non-critical situations like choosing a movie to watch on a Thursday night.
Common variation: Anything that can be fucked up beyond all recognition, will be fucked up beyond all recognition … by a woman.
To verify the above truth, we will examine three leading females who made critical decisions. We will begin with Catelyn “Kat” Stark, wife of Eddard “Ned” Stark, Lord of Winterfell, then move on to Daenerys Targaryen, one of two surviving children of the ousted King Aerys Targaryen, and finish with Shae, a mysterious foreigner thrust into prominence.
Continued at: Great White Host Blog: Babies Not Battlefields
It’s no secret that women fuck up everything. They’re not cool to hang out with, they’re indecisive, and when they do make a decision, it’s the wrong one.
While this is patently obvious to pretty much everyone on the planet, there are a handful of people out there who would take issue with it. To shut them up once and for all, I have provided below indisputable proof of the following principle by citing three concrete examples from Season I of Game of Thrones.
Box’s Law: If there are two or more ways to respond to a critical situation and one of those ways will result in devastating consequences, then a woman will respond in that way.
This also applies to non-critical situations like choosing a movie to watch on a Thursday night.
Common variation: Anything that can be fucked up beyond all recognition, will be fucked up beyond all recognition … by a woman.
To verify the above truth, we will examine three leading females who made critical decisions. We will begin with Catelyn “Kat” Stark, wife of Eddard “Ned” Stark, Lord of Winterfell, then move on to Daenerys Targaryen, one of two surviving children of the ousted King Aerys Targaryen, and finish with Shae, a mysterious foreigner thrust into prominence.
Continued at: Great White Host Blog: Babies Not Battlefields
Busted in Japan, An Actual Tale of Learning to Bow
Taxi cabs are the scourge of the earth. No matter where in the world you go, the one thing that you can count on is that taxi cabs there will be assholes. They are constantly cutting other cars off, taking advantage of tourists, and eagerly awaiting opportunities to clip pedestrians.
Which is why when my wits returned to me in the middle of a bender and I found myself surrounded by Omawari-san (Japanese cops; but not so much your John McClane-type cops, more like your Barney Fife-type cops) claiming that I had wronged a taxi cab, I was 100% sure that I was in the right.
(Pictures of Omawari-san etc. can be seen via below link.)
Accused of malicious destruction of property (so now we can add false accusations to the list of reasons why cabbies suck), I could do nothing but protest.
“I didn’t do anything wrong!”
“You did. You need to apologize.”
“But I didn’t do anything wrong,” I persisted as the crowd of Omawari-san grew to double digits, adding fuel to my righteous fire.
Why am I being persecuted like this? I thought to myself in astonishment. Why is everyone out to get me when “I didn’t do anything wrong!”
Despite my pleas and obvious innocence, their patience thinned as the dispute wore on and before long I was met with nothing but harsh looks of disapproval and disgust.
Feeling like a cornered rat, I had no option but to lash out as rats are wont to do (i.e. hurling spot-on insults at one's assailants in the hope of wounding their pride and receiving profuse apologies for their hassling of the people's champ).
“You owl-eyed, shit-breathed troll!” I howled at the owl-eyed, shit-breathed Omawari-san.
Before anyone could respond, I turned to the next cop, doled out his comeuppance, and then proceeded to shower each one in turn with individually tailored abuse making sure to call the female cop both fat and ugly.
Continued at: Great White Host Blog: Busted in Japan
Which is why when my wits returned to me in the middle of a bender and I found myself surrounded by Omawari-san (Japanese cops; but not so much your John McClane-type cops, more like your Barney Fife-type cops) claiming that I had wronged a taxi cab, I was 100% sure that I was in the right.
(Pictures of Omawari-san etc. can be seen via below link.)
Accused of malicious destruction of property (so now we can add false accusations to the list of reasons why cabbies suck), I could do nothing but protest.
“I didn’t do anything wrong!”
“You did. You need to apologize.”
“But I didn’t do anything wrong,” I persisted as the crowd of Omawari-san grew to double digits, adding fuel to my righteous fire.
Why am I being persecuted like this? I thought to myself in astonishment. Why is everyone out to get me when “I didn’t do anything wrong!”
Despite my pleas and obvious innocence, their patience thinned as the dispute wore on and before long I was met with nothing but harsh looks of disapproval and disgust.
Feeling like a cornered rat, I had no option but to lash out as rats are wont to do (i.e. hurling spot-on insults at one's assailants in the hope of wounding their pride and receiving profuse apologies for their hassling of the people's champ).
“You owl-eyed, shit-breathed troll!” I howled at the owl-eyed, shit-breathed Omawari-san.
Before anyone could respond, I turned to the next cop, doled out his comeuppance, and then proceeded to shower each one in turn with individually tailored abuse making sure to call the female cop both fat and ugly.
Continued at: Great White Host Blog: Busted in Japan
