Jared Longshore's Blog, page 14

How Many Kids Should We Have?

Every couple comes to the realization, at some point down the line, that they are finite and limited creatures. It is a difficult pill to swallow, this revelation that we are not the Most High, but comes it does. This truth descends upon us particularly when there are a couple few kids in tow and dad and mom realize that the little tots take up a fair amount of time and resources. Then the question arises, “How many of these little arrows should we have?” As the meme above shows, those Postmill Saints really do give it a go. But even they realize we’re looking at a generational endeavor.

I have been asked this question several times over the course of my ministry and find the question itself more insightful than the answer. I do have some recommendations. But first a little analysis so that we can understand ourselves and develop a framework from which we can attempt a wise answer.

The question is interesting because many ask it from within the modern zeitgeist. That is they think of children as the byproduct of the will of dad and mom. Many think the same way about marriage itself, reducing it to the product of the will of the parties involved, this being reinforced by the fact that each party took vows, meant them, and a marriage resulted. But more was going on in your marriage than simple vows. Vows, indeed, are not enough to create a marriage. God has given us the opportunity to stare that truth in the face with the rise of so called same-sex marriage codified in Obergefell v. Hodges.

When Bill and Bob declare that they will do their thing untill death parts them, just as Jack and Jill did, nothing happens. No union exists. No marriage has materialized, which is abundant evidence that marriage itself involves something more than the will of the parties involved.

Applied to childbearing, we should see that children really are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb being the divine’s reward (Psalm 127:3). This scrambles the modern noggin. We have reduced childbearing to grocery shopping, pondering how many plumbs to plop into that tender plastic bag in the produce aisle. We are products of our age and have been conditioned to think this way. On the marriage front, one of the main culprits was no fault divorce, which has trained us for a handful of decades now that we can depart with the one flesh union at will, without any cause whatever. We should not be surprised then that we have the same instinct when it comes to our part in bringing undying souls into the world.

This commodification of children has run amuck with the rise of IVF and Artificial Reproductive Technologies. We now have embryos in the freezer. We now flip through sperm donor booklets to ensure that the product we are soon to purchase from a stranger is up to our liking. Given this context, we should have our eyes open when we ask the question about how many children. We should make sure that there is nothing earthly in us.

“So,” you ask, “what are we to do? Just have a zillion children without thinking about they best number or manner?” Well, no. We have a part to play. But we do need something of a cleansing from the modern framework in order to approach the question well. Children are not products meant to please you, as if you’re determining how many pieces of chocolate will make you just the right amount of happy. They are arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior. And your sheath is only so big. You want your arrows to be straight and sharp and you want to fire off as many as possible, which requires a good dose of humility stemming from faith, not fear. Along these lines, you have to have children by faith and not by sight. The sight-alone model removes the Almighty from the equation. The presumption model, which at times masquerades as faith, refuses to acknowledge that its garden really is growing wild and the arrows in the quiver couldn’t fly straight if they were loosed by the Persians themselves.

So the framework is: The Lord opens and closes the womb, man does not. And children are the Lord’s reward, not products for your satisfaction. The details are that parents have the ministry of health, education, and wellfare. Indeed these were laid out in the common law tradition. Fathers and mothers are tasked with feeding the little ones, clothing them, sheltering them, caring for their health and seeing to their education. Every parent knows that these duties require energy, time, and resources.

So as you look to a bit of family planning, take an honest assessment of how this ministry of parenthood is going. Take a look at how mom’s health is going, how dad’s wallet is going, and how sanity is fairing for both parties. Don’t assess these items by mere sight. The standard for having another child is not that everything in your life is tidy and perfectly under control. That never happens. But there is a way to out punt your coverage. Children are a blessing from the Lord if you raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and they will be a curse if you fail to do so.

In the main, aim for a bit of normalcy and a great amount of faith. Have as many as you can with a dose of honesty about how many that really is. And don’t go comparing, given you simply do not know the variables operating in other families. There are several reasons that families might have more or less children. So counseling with other wise saints is great, but don’t do the, “But what about the Joneses down the street, Lord?” You will likely get a reply from the Lord close to that of Peter, “If I want the Joneses to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me” (John 21:22).

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Yes and Amen in Him

Baptism is a sign and seal of the covenant of grace. In this covenant, God has promised us eternal life and guaranteed that promise in the blood of His Son. On our part, He requires faith and obedience. These conditions are most necessary if we are to keep covenant with God and even these conditions He graciously supplies. As baptism is the sign and seal of God’s covenant, it is also a sign and seal of new life in Christ Jesus. So God turns our attention to His Son in baptism because all of God’s promises are yes and amen in Him.

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More Than Reasonably Priced Leeks

There is an old phrase that says, “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” This is quite true and you can flip it around for a related truth, “Everybody wants to escape hell, but nobody wants to live.” Now, you might be inclined to think that everybody wants to live. But, don’t forget that the abundant life is more than a little adventurous. You may be thrown into a fiery furnace. You might have to fake insanity before your enemy, spit running down the beard and all. Or, if you’re one of the lucky ones, you might wake up as a fish vomits you out onto a beach where you have to fulfill the same difficult orders you recently chose to disobey. Resurrection is a messy business.

So everybody wants to be set free but very few want to live free. Everybody wants to be forgiven, but only a remnant wants to live forgiven. The life of a freeman is terrifying. Men who live under tyranny are fed their leeks and onions. Men who live free storm the gates of hell.  

These things are true regardless of our recent elections. But they do have a specific application to our new civil circumstances. Here are two:

First, thank God for sparing us from getting heavier doses of the civil tyranny that we deserved. Gratitude to God really is in order and that gratitude is not a sign that you are putting your trust in man. Ingratitude, however, may be such a sign.

Second, remember God’s deliverances always have a what for, and His what for is always bigger and more glorious than reasonably priced leeks and onions in the absence of our enemies. Our Father’s method is much more like unreasonably sized fruit in the presence of unreasonably sized adversaries. So the exhortation is to live as free men: Out of Pharaoh’s Egypt to cleanse the land of giants. Out of Babylonian captivity to rebuild the temple and the city of our God.

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Aunt Dahlia’s Eye

Aunt Dahlia’s eye, while not in the same class as that of my Aunt Agatha, who is known to devour her young and conduct human sacrifices at the time of the full moon, has lots of authority.

P. G. Wodehouse, Jeeves in the Offing

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Discerning the Body

It is sobering that Annanias and Sapphira died laying a gift down at the apostle’s feet. A natural man might wonder why this was so. Isn’t it enough that they were participating with the people of God? Well, no, it was not enough. It was not enough that Cain offered a sacrifice. It was not enough when the men of Judah, who had forsaken their covenant brides, put an offering on the altar. The LORD did not acknowledge these offerings.

Something similar to this happened in Corinth as some of the Christians in that town began to disregard other Christians and push and shove at the table of the Lord. Some would take their fill before others. Some pushed and shoved to be filled and drunk, while others went hungry. Those who were grabby ate and drank well enough. But they did so unworthily and in so doing ate and drank damnation on themselves. 

Their problem was that they did not discern the Lord’s body. And this error is quite easy to fall into. You have your trials. You need help from the Lord. And it is natural to think that you have burdens enough to carry without looking to the needs of others. But it is that very selfish sentiment that leads people to Sheol. It is that selfish sentiment that marks those who fail to discern the Lord’s body.

As you come to this table then, consider your fellow members of the body of Christ. Consider not only what God in Christ has done for you. But what He has done for your people. Rejoice in the blessings they have received from the Lord. And suffer with them in their trials. Given that this bread we brake was an incarnate bread, do not discern the Lord’s body in the abstract. Discern the Lord’s body into which you have been place, the Lord’s body surrounding you. Come in faith and welcome to Jesus Christ.

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Marriage Restoration 101: Apologies and Forgiveness

One of the problems you will find a few days into marriage, if not a few days into the engagement, is that your spouse is not Jesus. This revelation can put one into the slough of despond. Many a wife has been tempted by the fainting couch upon realizing that her husband is not the Lion of the Tribe of Judah. And many a husband has sat befuddled that his wife has not come down out of heaven like the New Jerusalem, a spotless bride adorned for her husband. But, be not afraid, as the angel Gabriel once said. There’s a way to patch up the cracks.

A key component of any marriage restoration project is the ability to apologize and forgive. Christians have every right to this manner of dealing with sin and that’s a good thing, too. It beats having to cut yourself and cry out like the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, asking your spouse to look with mercy upon this third week running in which you forgot to schedule the kids’ dentist appointments. Lo, there is a more excellent way.

The key to a good apology is that you cut it straight. And think this through for a moment, you want to deliver a good apology. You’ve already done something bad, no reason to layer fault upon fault by apologizing like the third grade mean girl forced to tell her classmate she’s sorry while smacking her gum, arms crossed, with a knee pop that could make the girls over at Chi Omega jealous.

So here are the basics:

First, do not say you are sorry. The statement “I’m sorry” is an expression of your sorrow, which is fine enough as far as it goes. But given our times, it doesn’t go very far and likely gums things up. We live in times in which everyone wants to emote. Everyone wants to share his or her inner feelings. We think this is the very hallmark of human identity. Well, you are apologizing because you fumbled the football. Now is not the time for you tell everyone how you feel. You did not just win a grammy. Moreover, many people assume that the key to forgiveness is to make sure that the penitent expresses sorrow equivalent to the offense. While such sorrow is certainly fitting, it is not the standard which must be met in order to forgive another when you have been wronged. That standard is an admonition of wrong and a request for forgiveness. When those two standards have been met, then you must forgive. All of the “I’m sorry” stuff indicates that the offended party should examine the penitent with a sorrow-meter to determine if forgiveness should be rendered.

Second, in place of “I’m sorry” put an “I was wrong when I called your mother a donkey. Please forgive me.” Note, if said mother-in-law is indeed a donkey, you must not apologize for hitting the bull’s eye. You might soften the prophetic word by reminding your spouse that God did a mighty work through Balaam’s ass. But no apologizing when you have not erred. If, however, this mother-in-law is not a donkey, you must apologize for missing the mark and you should keep it plain and simple. Unlike “I’m sorry,” “I was wrong” is a humbling thing to say. It knocks one down a couple of pegs, which is good for the soul. The LORD, after all, looks upon the humble. The request for forgiveness reminds all parties that this marriage is a covenantal affair, involving two parties. You were not very thoughtful of your spouse when you went off calling mom a long eared mule. So the request for forgiveness is a fitting acknowledgement of your spouse. This request for forgiveness is not a demand for forgiveness. “But, doesn’t my wife have to forgive me?” Well, yes she does. But that truth doesn’t give you the right to demand it.

Third, for the offended party, when it comes to forgiveness, you hand that over right away. You must be eager to deliver that particular package upon request. In marriages that have become terribly tangled, and there are certainly a few of those, delivering forgiveness is not the same thing as trusting. Forgiveness must be delivered immediately and upon request. Our Lord made that necessity very clear, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). At the same time, trust must be built over time. Both parties should understand this, with the offender not requiring high trust levels and the offended not pretending that bitterness rotting in the soul is simply low trust levels.

Fourth, while the Puritans were known to say that confessing sin was akin to vomiting, it is worth noting that confession is also like a day out quail hunting. The dogs flush the birds from their spot in the bush and you get the chance to unload on them with a shotgun. Anyone who has had the privilege of a little upland bird hunting knows how satisfying this can be. Those sins were bedded down in your flesh, after all. They just needed a little marital agitation in order to show themselves so you could blow them away with a good confession. Now they’re hanging there limp in the mouth of the German Short Hair like Goliath’s head hung in the hand of Jesse’s son. Plus, you and the spouse are now good, what with the apology and forgiveness rendered, so the day is looking up come to think of it.

Fifth, one common snag that routinely arises is your inability to get on the same page regarding the offense or alleged offense. This trouble comes when you are not clear about the traffic laws, or you are clear enough about the traffic laws but have a wonky speedometer. He asks if you know why he pulled you over and the only thing that comes to mind is that he is a heavy-handed gorilla. Or you’re flummoxed on the witness stand, saying you want the truth only to be reminded by her in the cross-examination that you can’t handle the truth. It really is important to have agreement on the standards. This agreement comes by the renewal of your mind according to Scripture, along with reading other good books on marriage. 

If you can’t get on the same page after discussing it, don’t fall into a big spat about it. Remember that love indeed covers a multitude of sins. If it is small, then cover it in love and move on. If it is big, or if you are in a rut on not being on the same page, then call for a pastoral referee to help you review the game film. And no feeling bad about calling for a pastor. That’s what pastors are for.

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Washed White

We take great comfort in the fact that God is more determined than we are. We fall asleep praying like the disciples and Christ presses on through the night. In baptism, we have a sign from God, which is to say, God does the signing and sealing. We believe Him. We respond in faith, knowing that He will be faithful to His covenant promise. And what is that promise? He has told us through the prophet Isaiah, “As for me, this is my covenant with them, saith the Lord; My spirit that is upon thee, And my words which I have put in thy mouth, Shall not depart out of thy mouth, Nor out of the mouth of thy seed, Nor out of the mouth of thy seed’s seed, saith the Lord, From henceforth and for ever” (Isaiah 59:21).

The water of baptism does not itself wash away sin. We need something far more potent to cleanse us of our transgressions. The blood of Christ and that alone washes us white. And God has determined to signal such a cleansing to us. In the Old Testament, that sign was circumcision which Abraham received as a seal of the righteousness he had by faith. In the New Covenant, that sign is baptism, which likewise is a sign and seal of the forgiveness of sins which comes about through faith alone. We behold the sign of baptism and rejoice for it is a sign from God. And we put our hope in what the sign points to: the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. No sin can withstand its cleansing power.

 

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A Loaded Gun

It is remarkable that God gave you a tongue. You are a loaded gun. You will fire bullets. The command is that you be slow to fire that weapon. But speak you will. The critical thing is that when you speak you must speak true things, not corrupt, hollow words. If you buy into the modern zeitgeist that you are a rugged individual going at it alone in the wilderness, then you may not see the big problem with shooting blanks. In that set up, why not fire off a few duds? Nobody is looking. Nobody needs you to bring home a buffalo for dinner. But, the modern zeitgeist is wrong. It is the great nothing that many have swallowed. They remain hungry.

You, however, are members of one body, a new humanity that Christ has established. He is the head and we are growing up into Him, one day to be a perfect man (Ephesians 4:13). Speaking the truth is essential to the growth of this body. Sleight of hand, cunning craftiness, and deceit are the ways our adversary keeps the church weak and immature. When you kneel to confess your sins, you speak the truth about them. This truth declaration matures you and it matures the bride of Christ.

Make excuses for your sins, and you will remain weak. Exaggerate your sins, emoting about being the scum on the bottom of the gum on the bottom of the plumber’s shoe in a South Georgia summer, and your words will be hollow. The confession you are soon to speak, you speak from your knees. Because from there it can be simple, straight-forward, and humble. “I missed, Lord. I was wrong. Please forgive me.” Speak that truth in covenant love and we will grow to a perfect man.

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It Is Easy to Be a Heretic

It is easy to be a madman: it is easy to be a heretic. It is always easy to let the age have its head; the difficult thing is to keep one’s own.

G. K. Chesterton

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Filled

The weekly repetition of this meal is a reminder that there is no shortage of the Lord’s grace. He blesses you like He blessed Adam and Eve in the beginning before He commissioned them to be fruitful, fill the earth, and have dominion. When He blesses, He presses those blessings down, shakes them together, and causes them to flow over the top. When the apostles prayed, the very place in which they were assembled was shaken. They were all filled with the Holy Ghost and they spoke the word of God with boldness.

As you come to this table today, come in faith seeking to be filled. Are you short on energy? Find it here. Short on patience? Find it here. Short on love toward others? Find it here. Short on faith? Here before you is the Word from which faith comes. This table is a testimony to your hunger. Of course you’re hungry. That’s why the Lord has prepared a table for you. Your hunger pains are nothing to be ashamed of. The LORD knows your weakness and remembers that you are dust.

So this table is a testimony to your hunger and, likewise, it is a testimony to bottomless provision of God. How much of His Spirit can He supply to you? Well, how much can you eat? No one expected the apostles to turn the world upside down. They were uneducated men who had a knack for losing the plot as they followed Jesus. But their own insufficiencies were no obstable to the shocking work Christ did through them when they humbled themselves and prayed. Then, came a filling of the Spirit. Then, the things that could be shaken were shaken. Then, came boldness. So come and be filled. Come in faith and welcome to Jesus Christ.

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