Moe Lane's Blog, page 797

01/29/21 Snippet, GHOSTS ON AN ALIEN WIND.

This is staying a short story. It is.

Patreon!

It took me three days to figure out why the hell Rubicon had come here, mostly because I wasted two of them trying to pump the crew of the [Redacted] 523 (no, really. That was the name on the manifests) for information. I got precisely nowhere, which I sort of expected, but not really. I mean, you get used to Council spacers being closemouthed, out here in the Tomb Worlds. Their masters only send out the really committed and trustworthy minions.

But these folks were… they were like black holes when it came to gossip. Not actually rude, unlike their ship captain: they wanted fresh food and new entertainment and cold beer, and were happy to trade with me or Nur for them. But none of them would talk about why they were here. We were lucky to even get shrugs.

“They’ve been mind-locked,” Nur told me confidently as we grabbed some cold drinks of our own. Not beer, though. Nur didn’t drink and I was on call for the duration.

I rolled my eyes. “First off, they’re not mind-locked. Second, they’re not mind-locked. Third… what’s mind-locked?”

“Damned if I know. Probably some weird alien tech that makes people keep their mouth shut.”Nur grinned. “But you know something like that has got to be out there.”

The Penny Arcade-inspired e-racing Sea Shanty.

Special thanks to my wife, who told me what the major problem with the piece was (I was trying to rhyme ‘gone’ and ‘won’), and Penny Arcade racing Discord member FreemFTW, who told me how to fix it (replace ‘gone’ with ‘done’). It’s not final draft form, but you can see it from here.

The Penny Arcade-inspired e-racing Sea Shanty.

(Note: bolded part is to be sung in best approximation of Yoda)

Riding the wall, boys,
We’re riding the wall:
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
Don’t go to the left, boys,
You’ll splutter and stall:
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

The racing is heavy,
The cars are all fast:
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
They roar and pass quickly
To put us in last.
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

Riding the wall, boys,
We’re riding the wall:
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
Don’t bother with pit stops
E’en for nature’s call!
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

The track is degrading,
It’s mar-zee-ah-pan:
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
When racers start spinning
It’s part of our plan:
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

Riding the wall, boys,
We’re riding the wall:
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
The black flag is waving
While more race cars fall:
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

As the wreckage and tires
Rain down from the sky
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
Win this race we will
Since there is no ‘try’:
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

Riding the wall, boys,
We’re riding the wall
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
As sad misfortune
The others befall:
Don’t you change lanes
Until you have won.

The checkered flag beckons
To end this fierce clash.
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
This strategy’s working,
The last lap we ….CRASH.
See the crowd cheer
As we e-clipse the sun.

Tumble and fall, boys,
We tumble and fall:
WHAM! BAM! Another car’s done!
As things stop their spinning
My crew chief did call:
“Why did-n’t you change lanes?
You might’ve then won!”

01/28/21 Snippet, THE WAR OF OLD MAN TYLER.

Short version today: there’s a race on!

Patreon!

It was a lovely place for an ambush: plenty of cover and a stretch of ground where the path back could be turned into something impassable for horses with just a little bit of black powder. The bandits had plenty of the stuff, too. “Mexico has many mines, Bailey,” Jose had explained. “A man who escapes them will bring along what riches he can. And there is nothing more valuable than gunpowder.”

Jose and his men had known their business; the Coahuilian patrol had ridden right past the first line of hidden fighters without even slowing down. It looked like a full squad of ten, led by a sergeant. To Bailey’s educated eye, they looked like good troops kept in one place too long; they still remembered how to ride and still had all their weapons, but they clumped together too much and didn’t pay enough heed to where they were.

“Somebody has left the gate open, and the lambs have gotten out,” muttered Nacho. “Where has the shepherd gone? Is he drunk in the barn?”

“He is back in camp, senor,” replied Jose. They both spoke quietly but without whispering. “But he has a fierce temper and a whip; so when he comes, he will not be happy.”

Circling back to the FROZEN DREAMS audiobook!

It’s been a while since I brought it up, but: FROZEN DREAMS has an audiobook! I bring it up at least partially because pretty soon I will have to make the decision about whether or not to arrange for audiobook versions of either MORGAN BAROD or TINSEL RAIN. I’m not going to lie: getting these done requires a significant outlay of time (and a moderate one of money). If there isn’t an interest, that’s fine, but I should figure that out early.

If there is an interest, and you’d gotten your copy via the Kickstarter, you can still review it here or here. Or tell your friends to get their own copy! That’ll help, too.

New Penny Arcade race tonight featuring a Flying Koala sponsor car!

11 PM Eastern time. Different car, different color scheme, same inherent coolness:

I’ve been practicing talking like a sponsor. Well, we here at Flying Koala Publishers are just thrilled to be able to help support races like these, and give something back to the racin’ community. We’re looking forward to an excitin’ time tonight; and we wish all the drivers good luck, and good racin’. Stuff like that is part of the fun.

01/28/21 Snippet, GHOSTS ON AN ALIEN WIND.

I find most reflexive anti-corporatism these days faintly tedious, boring, and unoriginal.

Patreon!

“What Chief Pilot Tanaka said,” Greg added. “You want to look at people’s private computers, go ahead and ask them first. You want us to run a voluntary audit of our own files? Sure, we’ll grant that request, and tell you what we find. Or you can look at our quarterly reports, because we do check for that, believe it or not. You want more, show us your warrant.”

I expected a bit more bluster from Rubicon, but it was like he expected the response. “The Council assumed you would remember your duty as Terrans. Clearly they were mistaken.” When this sneer didn’t make us start weeping and begging for forgiveness, he shook his head. “We will call for volunteers, then — and we expect to see both the old audit, and the new one. Is that clear?”

“As crystal,” replied Maki. “Will you be needing anything else, Captain Rubicon?”

The silence grew. This time, I just sat in my chair and leaned back a little. Eventually, Rubicon spoke. “No.”

“Then thank you for coming to meet with us! We will of course provide you with the audits you requested. And should you want anything else, you have only to ask,” Maki burbled, in full fuck-you-with-sugar-frosting mode. I hear they spend an entire class teaching managers that in corp school, and you can see why: Rubicon had to visibly restrain his breathing before he gave Greg a short bow, and left.

01/27/21 Snippet, THE WAR OF OLD MAN TYLER.

Moving along!

Patreon!

“We will use everything,” Jose said as he rose. “Come to me when you have looked at the maps. I will tell you what can be done, and we will decide what will be done. Until then, take what you need.”

“As long as we need what we take,” replied Nacho. Jose nodded and left.

“That went well,” Nacho said. “Even better than I hoped, in fact.”

“Looks that way, thanks to all that fancy city talk you trotted out. I don’t know what you said, Senor Ignacio,” Bailey said with a grin, “but whatever it was, it got him downright eager to help.”

“It was nothing,” demurred Nacho. “Arrangements had been made for a number of children from here to be brought south, to safety. Before I left Mexico City certain words were whispered in my ear; words that I have whispered, in turn. Their families now know that their future is as safe as can be, free from the fear of the lash and the child-stealers. And the rest of the band will hear that the Republic did not break faith. They will fight.”

01/27/21 Snippet, GHOSTS ON AN ALIEN WIND.

Trying to get this one done, because the other one is turning into a Chapter 1!

Patreon!

It would have been nice if, after we landed, things between me and Syad had progressed past a phone number exchange. Alas, by then the Council ship had landed at the main port facility, so everything had to be by the book. Big Sibling was watching us.

What can you say about Agents of the Adjudication Council, except Why aren’t all of you people back on Earth? Or at least the colonies. They’re never supposed to travel this far into the Tomb Worlds; but they’re here, and nobody takes an unarmed ship into the Tomb Worlds, so when a Council Agent shows up… well, they can be a pain in the ass, if they want to. And they always seem to want to.

Like the one we got. His official designation was ‘Commander Rubicon,’ because Council Agents never use their real names when working in the Tomb Worlds. They say it’s to stay impartial; the cynics say it’s to hide their shenanigans; the rest of us simply think they’re space-happy. Anyway, Commander Rubicon was here at 118-G-002 with his cloak and his half-helmet that covered the eyes (and his armed ship of retainers, let’s not forget about that) to quiz us about… software piracy.

Tweet of the Day, Movie Of The Week edition.

Pretty much this is the Gamestop situation:

it's the same plot as Trading Places, except the Duke Brothers were betting on orange juice going down pic.twitter.com/9ss6qkZZ12

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) January 27, 2021

Seems to check out.

‘An Oral History of Disney’s THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE.’

This article from Vulture is easily worth the fifteen minutes or so it’ll take to read it. But, in case you’re busy, here’s the executive summary: nobody involved with THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE is really sure how in God’s name they manage to get away with making that film. They’re all really happy that they got away with it, but it was one of those situations where… things just happened. And worked out, somehow.

It really is fascinating reading.

Via @bendreyfuss.