Libby M. Iriks's Blog

Confessions of a Compassionately Objective Writer

This journey from being a procrastinating perfectionist to published author is one filled with lots of bumps and pitfalls, but I’m learning plenty of important lessons along the way. So far, I’ve learned that my perfectionism has been the single biggest obstacle holding me back from achieving my dream of being a published author. More specifically, I’ve learned that symptoms of my perfectionism, along with other things, act as barriers to productivity. Knowing how to identify these barriers is the first step in developing a productive writing routine. The next is learning how to be compassionately objective. Without doubt, we are our own worst critics. We see only our failures and shortcomings without asking ourselves why we are failing. We condemn our efforts when we don’t achieve the lofty goals we’ve set for ourselves. Perfectionists see no reason their work should not be perfect the moment they put pen to paper, and when they realise it’s not, their inner critic unleashes hell. It’s in these moments that Hillary Rettig, author of The 7 Secrets of the Prolific: How to Overcome Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Writer’s Block, suggests that perfectionists must learn to practise compassionate objectivity. What does it mean to be compassionately objective? Compassionate objectivity is a mindset. One in which you view yourself and your work with empathy and understanding, where you consider a situation from all angles and see it accurately, with all its nuances and complexities—exactly as we’d do for a friend if they started criticising their own efforts. If we want to overcome our perfectionist tendencies and be productive writers, we need to learn to be kind to ourselves. How do we practise being compassionately objective? To be compassionately objective, we must ensure we set achievable goals, and if we fail to meet those goals or make mistakes along the way, we should be kind and compassionate to ourselves. We should also focus on the process of writing and publishing, rather than constantly thinking about what our book will be once it’s published. If our focus is too far ahead, the process can become overwhelming. Instead, we must learn to take each day and each writing session as it comes. Our focus should be on our short-term goals so that eventually we can achieve our long-term goal. And lastly, rather than criticising our failings, we should reward our efforts. It’s easy to put ourselves down when we fail, but rarely do we pat ourselves on the back for simply showing up. In short, to be compassionately objective, we should: Set achievable goals and be compassionate about our failures and mistakes Emphasise process over product Rely on internal rewards Examples of compassionate objectivity While learning to be compassionately objective, I kept a journal as Rettig suggests. Every time I had a negative thought and attempted to criticise myself for failing (or what I considered to be a failure), I stopped and turned those thoughts around by responding to myself in a compassionately objective way. Here are some examples of my journal entries: Negative thought: You’re not sticking to your daily schedule. Really, how hard is it to stick to a schedule! Compassionately objective response: No, you haven’t completed today’s tasks in the order you set out, nor did you allocate each task the allotted time you specified. Instead, you let your inspiration guide you. You wrote a synopsis for your WIP, polished your first chapter, did three loads of laundry, applied for a writing mentorship, cleaned the dishwasher, and made a start on a blog post. You rock! Negative thought: You didn’t hit your expected word count during your writing session. You FAILED to achieve your goal! Compassionately objective response: No, you didn’t hit your expected word count. But you were focused for the entire two-hour session. And you planned the scene and figured out where you needed to take your characters before you started writing. That’s clever! Negative thought: You’re abandoning your manuscript to start on another. You call yourself a writer? You’re a failure! Compassionately objective response: You are NOT a failure, and you ARE a writer! You were brave enough to share the problem you were having with your accountability partner, and her response made you realise what the issue was with your manuscript. I’m so proud of you! Now, when you’re ready to work on that manuscript again, you’ll know just how to improve it. Conclusion Keeping this journal was a fantastic method for learning how to be compassionately objective. After a lifetime of self-criticism, this new way of thinking was strange at first, but it has made all the difference to my confidence and self-belief. On another note, I put that second manuscript on hold too to work on another, which I’m pleased to say will be published next month! Being brave enough to be flexible and compassionate when you don’t achieve your initial goals can lead to great things! If you constantly criticise your own perceived failures and shortcomings, I challenge you to keep a journal and practise compassionate objectivity. Go on, see where it takes you! Join me next time when I share the importance of rewarding writing successes. As always, thanks for reading!

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Confessions of a Writer … in isolation

Writing has always been a solitary activity, but being a writer in isolation has presented many new challenges. The world is a different place than it was when I published my last blog post a month ago. People are getting sick, many have died, and the rest of us are living vastly different lives in an effort to stop the spread of this pandemic. Children are learning from home, many adults lucky enough to still be in work have had to set up home offices, and routines have drastically changed as family units attempt to juggle competing priorities.  In my last blog post, Confessions of an Unproductive Writer, I explored my personal triggers of unproductiveness (feelings that interfere with my ability to write) and obstacles to productiveness (activities that compete with my writing, or circumstances that stop me from writing). Clearly, with the chaos the world has been thrown into, I’m dealing with a bunch of new triggers and obstacles. And in the spirit of honest confession, I’ll admit I’ve had a procrastination relapse. This post is my attempt to work through the issues I’m experiencing so I can overcome them and find my way back to productivity. New obstacles to productiveness The first obstacle is an environmental one. Generally, I have the house to myself when I write, but now, the whole family is constantly at home. At times, I’ve had to share my office with my husband, and the kids often have questions or need advice on how to complete their school-set tasks. But even when I’m not being interrupted, it’s the noise resulting from their presence in the house that’s proving to be a distraction. From my previous exploration of triggers and obstacles, I learned that obstacles can be overcome. So, by looking at this new obstacle objectively, I can see a solution—I’ll go back to writing on my laptop and escape to my bedroom, which is at the far (and much quieter) end of the house. I’ll then pop on my noise-cancelling headphones and stream a deep focus playlist. Ta-da! Obstacle overcome! The next obstacle for me is a competing priority and one I have complete control over—escapism in the form of binge-reading and watching television. (In the last two weeks, I’ve read four books and watched nearly four seasons of Doctor, Doctor!) Now, while I’m a firm believer in going easy on ourselves in times of stress, I know that at some point a bit of tough love is required. I fessed up to my accountability partner and she requested a word count goal from me for the upcoming week, which I gave. And so, it’ll be on me if I don’t meet that goal. New triggers of unproductiveness Obviously, a new trigger of unproductiveness for me has been the global pandemic and worrying about how it’s affecting the world, my country, my state, my local community, and my family. Keeping an eye on the situation, staying abreast of national and state news, and making decisions and plans for how we’d deal with the situation as a family took up a lot of my time and headspace in the early days of the pandemic. Now that we’ve put our plan into action and have settled into a new kind of normal, I feel much safer and empowered. We’re doing all we can to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe, and so, for now, this trigger has eased. The final trigger of unproductiveness I’m experiencing actually has nothing to do with the pandemic or the current state of the world. Instead, it’s a project-related problem—I finished one project and need to return to another. Not a bad problem to have, right? Except I’ve lost my momentum and I’m finding it difficult to self-motivate. Also, getting one manuscript closer to publication makes me feel a little overwhelmed when I think about the half-finished first draft that’s waiting for me. But this is where journalling (or blogging) can help.  It’s all about mindset! I should be celebrating! I finished a manuscript and got it to the point where I was happy to send it to my beta readers. That’s an accomplishment, and now that I’ve done it, I know I can do it again. The sense of overwhelm I feel is a symptom of my perfectionism, and to combat that, I know I need to focus on the process of writing, one task at a time, and not the end product. And so, I’m going to break down that word count goal I gave my accountability partner into smaller daily word count goals and take it one day at a time. I’ll keep reminding myself, too, to trust the process and focus! How have you been handling isolation? Has it impacted your creative pursuits? Your work habits? Family routines? Are you finding it difficult to focus, complete tasks or meet deadlines? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments. Next time, I hope to report a return to productiveness and will share with you the first step I took in overcoming my perfectionism—learning to be compassionately objective. As always, thanks for reading!

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Confessions of an unproductive writer

In my previous post, Confessions of a Writer Procrastinating Perfectionist, I shared details of a recent revelation—I discovered that my tendency to procrastinate didn’t mean I was a lazy, pathetic wannabe writer. Instead, it was a symptom of perfectionism. It was FEAR holding me back from fully committing to making my writing and publishing dreams a reality. Well, crikey! Once I knew what my problem was, I decided to get off my butt and do something about it. Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far. JODI PICOULT Barriers to productivity While reading Hillary Rettig’s The 7 Secrets of the Prolific: How to Overcome Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Writer’s Block, I learned my first lesson—I’d let my fear become a barrier to productivity. I was an unproductive writer. Rettig explains that unproductive writers have their own unique barriers to productivity. These barriers can either be defined as triggers of unproductiveness (feelings that interfere with your ability to write) or obstacles of productiveness (activities that compete with your writing, or circumstances that stop you from writing). She encourages her readers to “write out their snarl”—to identify everything they see as a barrier to their productivity and determine whether each barrier is a trigger or an obstacle. Writing out my snarl Here’s what I came up with: Project-related problems and feelings: My second draft has lost the magic and excitement of the first. ~Trigger Though the plot now has a better cause-and-effect trajectory, I’m worried it’s not engaging enough. ~Trigger Fear of failure or success: I’m worried about getting negative reviews. ~Trigger I’m worried that, as an introvert, I won’t be a successful marketer, and so won’t sell any books. ~Trigger As an introvert and socially anxious person, I’m terrified of being in the public eye. ~Trigger Resource deficiencies: I don’t have the time I want to dedicate to writing. ~Obstacle Environmental deficiencies: It’s too easy to get distracted at home, whether or not I’m the only one there. ~Obstacle Competing priorities: ~Obstacles Family Home business Reading The internet Netflix Emotional distractions: Grieving for lost loved ones. ~Trigger Frustrations about my earning capacity. ~Trigger Physical distractions: I’m often tired or mentally exhausted at the times I sit down to write, which is, more often than not, in the evening. ~Obstacle Geopolitical problems: The recent Australian bushfires were an emotional distraction. ~Trigger Concerns for how we, as a society, are handling the Coronavirus pandemic. ~Trigger Emotional/cognitive/learning issues: When my social anxiety is at its worst, I fall into a depressive funk. ~Trigger What I learned Obstacles can be overcome. Take, for example, my belief that I don’t have time to write, and that I often feel tired and exhausted when I do. I can overcome these obstacles by figuring out where my time goes each week. Once I do, I can create a schedule that ensures I’m fitting in everything I need to, including writing and essential competing priorities, such as spending time with family. I can also aim to arrange the schedule in a way that ensures I’m writing at my optimum times—for me, that’s in the morning. By the way, in case you didn’t notice, that’s three obstacles knocked off with one solution—creating a schedule that works for me! As for the other obstacle that I identified—too many distractions at home—I can look at heading to the local library or a café with some headphones and a deep focus playlist. And so, with a bit of brainstorming, my obstacles to productiveness are well on their way to being solved! Another thing I learned is that when I notice a triggering thought or emotion surfacing, I need to make an effort to journal or talk about it with someone. Triggers of unproductiveness can be debilitating if the issue is left to fester and mutate into something that consumes me and my desire to write. But, by being aware of the traps I can fall into, I’m taking a major step towards overcoming these barriers to productivity. Conclusion So there you have it—thanks to Rettig, I now have a better understanding of what causes me to be an unproductive writer, and I can take steps to rectify the situation.  Are you an unproductive writer? What do you consider your biggest barriers to productivity? If it’s an obstacle and not a trigger, can you see a solution to overcoming it? If there are triggers interfering with your ability to write, try journaling or talking about it with a trusted friend or professional. Either way, feel free to share your thoughts or experiences in the comments. Next time, I’ll share with you how I handled being a writer in isolation. As always, thanks for reading!

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Confessions of a … procrastinating perfectionist

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching these past few weeks after spending the summer in a funk despite hoping I’d make significant headway towards my writing and publishing goals—which, as it turns out, were nothing but vague dreams. This time last year, I was coming down from the high of having smashed out the first draft of a 65,000-word manuscript in nineteen days (read about that experience here)—and yet, twelve months later, I’m nowhere near where I wanted to be on its second draft. Despite this, over the summer I was regularly choosing to binge on Netflix and Stan rather than add another word to my manuscript, which only made me feel like I was drowning in guilt and self-loathing. Discovering the cause of my procrastination But then, I had an epiphany. Scrolling through my Facebook feed—yet another way I chose to procrastinate—I came across a quote: Procrastination is a symptom of anxiety and fear. Wow, I thought. Maybe I wasn’t just being a lazy, pathetic wannabe writer. Maybe the cause of my procrastination went deeper than I’d considered. Promising myself I’d research that concept later, I went back to watching Outlander on Netflix. Realising I need to “show up” Only days later, I came across an article by Keith Cronin, On Getting It and Showing Up. It highlighted the importance of “showing up”—also known as Butt. In. Chair. Hands. On. Keyboard—in order to achieve writing success. Yes, I realised that I most definitely need to put in the effort if I ever expect to be a published author. But why am I not able to “show up” consistently? Ever since I started writing seven years ago, my motivation and drive have hit spasmodically. I get inspired to work on a project. I throw myself at it, dedicating copious amounts of time and energy to it (did I mention I once wrote 65,000 words in nineteen days?). And then I hit a wall and go months without writing a word. I decided I couldn’t do this alone. I needed help and guidance to overcome these barriers to success.  Researching my barriers to success Searching self-help books for writers on how to overcome procrastination, I came across Hillary Rettig’s The 7 Secrets of the Prolific: How to Overcome Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Writer’s Block. Now, I want to add here that I’ve always considered myself a perfectionist, but it wasn’t until I started reading this book that I realised how debilitating and toxic this state of mind was for me as a writer. It was as if Rettig had seen into the deepest, darkest depths of my soul, had called me out on my ridiculous expectations and half-hearted writing practice, and was giving me the kick up the backside I knew I deserved. How perfectionism has affected me Rettig states that: Perfectionists hold unrealistic definitions of success and punish themselves harshly for perceived failures. Hell yes! Deep down, I’ve always believed that to truly succeed as a writer, I need to be published by one of the Big Five and have my books on the shelves of book stores and department stores across the nation. Perfectionists are grandiose. [They think they’re] special and/or don’t have to follow the normal rules governing productivity and success. Again, yes! Despite having seven years of writing experience and working as an editor, I still believed—until reading Rettig’s words—that because I knew how to craft a well-written sentence my first draft should be pretty darn-well polished.  Perfectionists prioritise product over process. Uh-huh! When I write, I agonise over making each sentence perfect and then punish myself when my word count for the session is dismal. Perfectionists over-rely on external rewards and measures of success […] … such as their book selling quickly in enormous numbers, earning them legions of fans, a huge income and fabulous reviews from the best literary journals.   Hmm, this one isn’t me so much. Instead, I fear what will happen post-publication: pathetic sales numbers, bad reviews, no devoted audience … Perfectionists deprecate the ordinary processes of creativity and career-building, [believing] they should be able to write and build successful careers easily. Yep! I’m a lifelong reader turned writer and editor; I know what makes a great story. And I’ve learned a lot over the years about how to build my author brand. It’s fair to expect that success should just fall in my lap, right? Perfectionists over-identify with their work […] meaning that they see it as an extension of, and reflection on, their deepest soul.  This is me too! No matter how cool, calm and collected I am when I start a new project, I soon start to believe that my whole writing career is hinged on the story’s success, that if the story fails, it’s a reflection of who I am. My mission to succeed Having now finished Rettig’s book, I feel incredibly enlightened. Turns out I’m not an exception to any rule—I’m not going to magically produce a bestseller … especially if I don’t bloody “show up” and write! And so I’m putting a plan in place and taking active steps to follow Rettig’s practical advice for overcoming procrastination and perfectionism. This is the journey I’m now on—a mission to overcome my perfectionism, to stop procrastinating and become a productive writer … and ultimately, a published author. Do you suffer from perfectionism? How has it stopped you from achieving your dreams, goals and/or aspirations? Have you taken steps to overcome it? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below. Join me next time for Confessions of an unproductive writer, when I’ll share how I discovered just what was holding me back from being a productive writer. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter! As always, thanks for reading!

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From blank page to complete first draft in 19 days!

Libby M Iriks shares details about her current work-in-progress and how she took the seed of an idea from blank page to complete first draft in only nineteen days.

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