Hillary Rettig's Blog, page 18
November 4, 2013
I Bought the World’s Best Coffee Mug at Goodwill Recently, and The Best Part is…
October 29, 2013
Giant Page of Tips for Finishing NaNoWriMo and AcWriMo
October 27, 2013
Dave Barry on How to Cope With Post-Pulitzer Prize Situational Perfectionism
October 22, 2013
Lessons from a Struggling Math Student
They don’t do their work, don’t show up for help, settle for memorizing facts instead of working to truly understand the material. Unlike many teachers, however, he knows better than to label his students as lazy and unmotivated—in part because he once walked in their shoes.
In an essay of compelling honesty and empathy, he writes about how he himself once struggled during a class on topology (the funky science of shapes and spaces), and took refuge in the very same procrastinating behaviors he sees in students.
His story demonstrates many features of perfectionism, including:
1) How Blindsiding Makes Things Worse
Orlin: “Thanks to a childhood of absurd privilege, I entered college well-prepared. As a sophomore in the weed-out class for Yale math majors, I earned the high score on the final exam. After that, it seemed plausible to me that I’d never fail at anything mathematical.”
When we’re blindsided our defenses are down, so any loss or struggle is extra shocking. Having too-high expectations for success is a classic prelude to blindsiding so it’s important to moderate your expectations even in situations, such as Orlin’s, where it would seem reasonable to expect a strong success. (Beware statements like: “I’m definitely going to ace this project because…”)
Thirty years later, I can still remember the utter shock of getting my first-ever poor grade. It was a D on a test in my freshman chemistry class in college; and I remember standing there in my dorm room, thinking, ‘How could this possibly be happening to me?” Then, I remember throwing the textbook across the room, which brings us to…
2) How Denial, Anger, and Blame Distract us From the Real Problem
Orlin: “I blamed others for my ordeal. Why had my girlfriend tricked me into taking this nightmare class? (She hadn’t.) Why did the professor just lurk in the back of the classroom, cackling at our incompetence, instead of teaching us? (He wasn’t cackling. Lurking, maybe, but not cackling.) Why did it need to be stupid topology, instead of something fun? (Topology is beautiful, the mathematics of lava lamps and pottery wheels.) And, when other excuses failed, that final line of defense: I hate this class! I hate topology!”
Actually, many of the people I work with overblame themselves—a classic example being a student who blames herself for poor grades caused by bad teaching, personal troubles, or other factors. Or, an employee blaming himself for a failure that was really caused by inept supervision and a chaotic workplace.
3) How Perfectionism Raises the Stakes on your Project to Almost Unbearable Levels
I call that “The Ahab Syndrome,” andOrlin helpfully illustrates it with this picture of “Moby-us-Dick:”
(From Ben’s blog, Math with Bad Drawings. A Mobius strip is a common topological device.)
And, finally,
4) How Shame is the Real Barrier to Growth and Success
Orlin sees himself, asking his professor for help, as, “An unbathed child asking for soup.” That’s a very ashamed–and, hence, powerfully disempowering–image.
And the shame from these kinds of incidents tends to persist, undermining your confidence. Orlin: “It’s surprisingly hard to write about this, even now. Mathematical failure – much like romantic failure – leaves us raw and vulnerable.” And, of course, I still remember that D! Unfortunately, there is no expiration date on traumatic memories: I once spoke to a 76 year old woman who started crying when she recalled the shame of having been held back in school in second grade.
Fortunately, Orlin overcame his shame enough to approach his teacher, who helped him.
Orlin: “Teachers have such power. He could have crushed me if he wanted. He didn’t, of course. Once he recognized my infantile state, he spoon-fed me just enough ideas so that I could survive the lecture. I begged him not to ask me any tough questions during the presentation – in effect, asking him not to do his job – and with a sigh he agreed. I made it through the lecture, graduated the next month, and buried the memory as quickly as I could.”
And drew the right conclusions:
Orlin: “Procrastination isn’t just about laziness. It’s about anxiety. To work on something you don’t understand means facing your doubts and confusions head-on. Procrastination pushes back that painful confrontation….
“I tell my story to illustrate that failure isn’t about a lack of “natural intelligence,” whatever that is. Instead, failure is born from a messy combination of bad circumstances: high anxiety, low motivation, gaps in background knowledge. Most of all, we fail because, when the moment comes to confront our shortcomings and open ourselves up to teachers and peers, we panic and deploy our defenses instead. For the same reason that I pushed away Topology, struggling students push me away now.
“Not understanding Topology doesn’t make me stupid. It makes me bad at Topology. That’s a difference worth remembering, whether you’re a math prodigy, a struggling student, or a teacher holding your students’ sense of self-worth in the palm of your hand. Failing at math ought to be like any failure, frustrating but ultimately instructive. In the end, I’m grateful for the experience.”
Orlin’s prescription for teachers:
“Just as therapists must undergo therapy as part of their training, no math teacher ought to set foot near human students until they’ve felt the sting of mathematical failure.”
My prescription for you:
Notice how little it really took to get Orlin back on track: a single conversation with a helpful teacher.
The moment you catch yourself procrastinating, or whenever you want to boost your productivity, reach out for help or support—from me, a teacher or other mentor, or a peer or colleague.
In fact, savvy people often round up mentors even before they actually need them.
My thanks to Orlin for permission to quote freely from his work, and reproduce the Moby-us image.
October 9, 2013
Want to Get More Work Done? Then Show it Early and Often
Show drafts.
Show chunks (paragraphs and pages).
And even show individual sentences and clauses. (“Hey, what do you think of this metaphor…” Or, “Super proud of how I framed this…”)
Show them to: colleagues, bosses, and subordinates. Also, critique buddies, workshoppers, editors, and agents. Also, friends and family members who get what you’re doing. And, of course, your audience.
Perfectionist writers are terrified of having their work seen and judged, so they keep it private–and, in doing so, create a “wall” between themselves and potential readers and critics.
They hide behind that wall, endlessly writing and revising, but never finishing or submitting or publishing. (Sometimes they don’t write at all, since that’s an even better technique for remaining unseen and unjudged!)
The problem is: the more a writer hides, the more terrifying showing his work becomes, until the wall becomes enormous and insurmountable.
(to continue, click on arrow at right!)
In contrast, showing early and often helps “perforate” and eventually eliminate the wall.
And that tends to speed the entire writing process, from conceptualization and drafting through to revising, submitting, and publishing. You become bolder and more resilient–a.k.a., less perfectionist–and you also get catalyzing feedback and support.
This technique is, of course, congruent with 21st century marketing via social media. We’re long past the days when writers sequestered their work until it was fully polished and edited. These days, readers want to share your process via social media, and maybe even be included in it.
So, show your work early and often.
Just be careful whom you show it to, however, because there’s no point in exposing yourself to callous or clueless feedback.
Maybe no social media at first, until you get more resilient. And extra points for telling your “showees” what response you want: e.g.,
“I know this is a draft so I don’t want detailed feedback on grammar and syntax. But let me know if the general idea works for you.” Or,
“I really dig this metaphor I came up with!!! Just wanted to share it with you; no reply needed.” Or,
“I’m really having trouble with this passage – any ideas?”
Eventually, you’ll probably come to enjoy showing your work, and you’ll probably also be able to write faster than you ever thought possible.
- Adapted from an article originally published on How to Write Fast
October 7, 2013
Sample Will for Writers from Neil Gaiman
It’s understandable why people do it, but you really shouldn’t procrastinate on writing your will. Along with your current assets, writers need to plan ahead to make sure both their literary works AND future royalties and other writing income are in the hands of people who will do well by them. Neil Gaiman has helped posted a draft will for writers that you can use and edit.
Fun Article on Why You DON’T need to Watch Breaking Bad, etc.
A funny piece with a serious message: don’t use your precious time chasing fads.
But if you wanted to watch every episode of the Guardian’s Top 50 TV series of all time, that would take up another 2,080 of your precious hours. Add in two new series a year – every year – that you simply have to watch, and that’s a further 4,000 hours. Then add in The Great British Bake Off and, in all, that’s around 6,130 hours of television you simply have to see. That’s nearly 7% of your available life
Watching every film on the BFI’s list of The Greatest Films of All Time will take you 217 hours (with an extra half-hour if you want to watch the hilarious “blooper reel” at the end of Citizen Kane). You will also have to watch at least one new film a month that Charlotte at work keeps banging on about, and one foreign-language film a month because Peter Bradshaw has called it “a stunning new benchmark for Latvian cinema”. That takes your total for films you simply have to see up to 2,233 hours.
If there’s a fad you’re truly interested in, go ahead – but don’t let people suck you into stuff that’s of marginal interest.
The first comment thread, which applies the advice to dogs, is hilarious. It starts out, “The dogs just read this. He wants me take him out for a walk more he’s got less hours than I have to do everything before he dies.” And carries on from there.
