Sandra Tayler's Blog, page 139

Perspectives on the storm

The difference between 15 and 37 is that when rock-bottom emotional meltdown is achieved the 37 year old knows it is temporary and survivable. At 37 I often hear myself say "I can't do this." but some part of me knows that it is a lie. I can deal with it. I will deal with it. Because I am stronger than whatever life can throw at me. But that strength and knowledge came to me as a result of actually surviving through some nasty stuff. A fifteen year old can't say to herself "I've...

Pondering my duties as a drill sergeant

Before today I never thought to wonder what goes through the mind of a drill sergeant as he shouts for recruits to stop being babies and keep going. The drill sergeant is never the protagonist in films or books. Sometimes he is the villain, but most of the time he is like a force of nature that the protagonist has to survive. But now I think that in the real world there are drill sergeants who have a deep sympathy for the pain of the recruits. The drill sergeants shout anyway because...

Seeing Clearly

Most of the time I feel like I'm thrashing my way through the underbrush of life, just hacking away at whatever is in front of me, trying to clear a path. But every so often I crest the top of a hill and I get a larger view. These hills come at irregular intervals, and not always when I think that I need them most. But today I had a very clear and calm sense that our family is on the right path, that we are doing exactly what we should be doing. This sense incorporated everything from...

Loose thoughts after the second week of school

The school year is barely a week and a half old, but it feels much longer than that. It is not that my days are crammed full, I'm quite enjoying the emerging spaces, but there has been so much emotional content in each day that my mind wants to push the first day of school further into the past to make space for it all.

Kiki melted down again. So far we've had two Thursdays and two meltdowns. She felt overwhelmed and under pressure. The good news is that despite the way she felt about...

Loose thoughts from a trip to the library

It is heavenly to go to the library without kids in tow. It is also fun to take them and let them learn about books, but I feel so free when I can browse and wander without having to keep track of anyone else. Or make sure they are not jumping off of things. Or remind them that while sneaking through the stacks is fun, it is not actually unobtrusive. Also I came home with stacks of books for each of my four kids, tailored to their current reading needs. This was because I had time to...

A phone call illustrates change

"Hi Mrs. Tayler, this is Gleek's Teacher."

My heart sank. "Hi. How can I help you."

"Oh don't worry this is a good call."

I swallowed. "Really?"

"Yes. I just wanted to tell you that Gleek and I made an agreement that she would get some writing done by Thursday and she finished it today. I also wanted to let you know that she's been doing great in class. We've had no real problems. Well, when I had to take something away from her she got mad, but she calmed herself down and we were fine."

"O...

Emotional Journey Triggered by Revision Notes

This week I had my first experience with editorial notes on a piece of my writing that will be published. I found fascinating the emotional processes I had to dispatch so that I could focus on the suggested changes and decide how to implement them. The emotional arcs are particularly fascinating to me as I've had turns being a critiquer and an editor. I've been the one to dish out editorial advice and I know how hard it can be to criticize constructively. I appear to be very fortunate in ...

Writing and cleaning

Tomorrow I need to unpack my writer brain and work on an essay revision. Part of me longs to return to focused writing. Another part dreads the return of ambitious thoughts. I'm still soul-tired from the schedule this past summer. I'm still not feeling balanced in the school schedule or the finances. There are still emotional and actual bills to be paid. I would love to let all of that settle out. Then I would get bored. And then I would be excited to take on a new project, which...

Pattern Emergence

It is just possible that I've found some normality. The kids all got to school on time. I got my work done. I had a good conversation with a far away friend during my afternoon down time. Then the kids came home and we assessed homework without anyone melting into a puddle of woe. The patterns of the days are beginning to emerge. This is very good because once I can see the patterns I can begin shifting them so that we find a rhythm that works for everyone.

Just now we are having a...

School Day Three and the weekend

It feels like a week has passed since 6:30 am when my alarm went off. Monday feels like several weeks ago. I've washed up on the shore of the weekend. But the skies are clearing and hopefully I'll be able to set sail again on Monday with calmer waters and a good wind.

I've been listened to respectfully by school personnel. I've been able to express my concerns. The team building has begun and I think I'll have good teams. Now I just need to put kids to bed and sleep for many hours....