Mark Anthony Neal's Blog, page 974

An Athlete's Ramadan Dilemma: To Fast or Not?

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Tongues Untied: On 'Barbershop Conversations,' Black Masculinity, and Sexuality

Tongues Untied:  On 'Barbershop Conversations,' Black Masculinity, and Sexuality by Darnell L. Moore & Wade Davis, Jr. | HuffPost BlackVoices
This is our second conversation as part of our Huffington Post series, "Tongues Untied: Wade Davis, II and Darnell L. Moore in Conversation." (Read the first conversation here.) The title of our column is our way of paying tribute to the many black gay men who have given us the language and ancestral strength to freely live our lives as black gay men today. Many will notice that our title bears the name of Marlon Riggs' semi-documentary film Tongues Untied, which brought to the fore a vital conversation on racial and sexual difference in the U.S.
We recognize that the freedom we have to name ourselves and to write words, which we hope others will find transformative, exists because of the lives and legacies of those who came before us. We are thankful to extend conversations on race and sexuality started by folks like Riggs, Essex Hemphill, Joseph Beam, Assotto Saint, Colin Robinson, and so many others, in this series, not because we think that we can match their brilliance but because we realize that so many others have been speaking truth before us and have challenged us to do the same.
What follows is a dialogue on what we call "barbershop conversations."
Wade: I have been having the most amazing conversations recently about gender, sex, and sexual orientation with my barber since he found out I was gay. And I look forward to going to the barbershop and spending two hours there more than ever before.
Darnell: That's ironic. Most people don't imagine barbershops, especially those serving black folk, to be spaces where people freely talk about those issues. And when issues related to sex and sexuality are discussed in barbershops, people seem to think that the conversations always take a homophobic or sexist turn. I've experienced a range of conversations, some good and some bad, taking place in the spots that I've been in. I am interested in hearing about your motivation for telling you barber that you were gay, though. What actually happened?
Wade: Well, I didn't actually tell him I was gay. He read an article about me on ESPN.com, and when I walked in the shop and sat down, he said, "Oh my God, did any of you hear about the gay football player named Wade Davis? Imagine if that guy walked in the shop and no one even knew who he was." Then he looked at me and said, "Wait, isn't your name Wade Davis?" I was speechless, and I couldn't do anything but laugh, because he was smiling at me so big. I just smiled and laughed uncontrollably. Are you out to your barber?
Darnell: That would have made me extremely nervous. I mean, that was a forced type of public disclosure, but I understand that he was trying to be cool. My barber and I have a great relationship that developed as a result of me boycotting his shop. He was cutting another customer's hair. The guy kept using words like "faggot" and "sissy" during his conversation with my barber. I wasn't sure if he decided to elevate his voice and increase the number of derogatory comments that he spewed because I happened to be sitting directly in front of him and he assumed me to be gay, but it angered me, so I politely left with my money in hand and didn't return for six months or so. I even encouraged friends not to return until one day, while out of town, my barber called me and asked why it was that I hadn't returned. I let him know that I'd decided to keep my money (tip and all) because he'd let another customer use language that hurt me. The funny thing is I never actually disclosed my sexual identity. He apologized over the phone and invited me to talk with him over lunch upon my return. Since then, we've been comfortable talking about anything. I have a lot of love for him and his girlfriend. I actually love telling this story, because people tend to think that black heterosexual men are somehow less capable of engaging their same-gender-loving/gay/bi brothers, yet we have examples showing that this isn't always the case.
Wade: Exactly! To be honest, I never would have imagined having conversations about homosexuality and sexism in my barbershop. I'm so proud of you for speaking up, though; I'd like to think I would have done the same thing. But I will say that I don't always agree with my barber and some of the patrons on some of the issues like homosexuality and, especially, views on women (which are sometimes sexist), but I love the fact that we can at least have the conversation.
Darnell: How do you negotiate "tough" conversations in the barbershop? Do you find yourself talking or acting differently (i.e., more "manly")? Do you feel pressured to insert that you have a male partner if they are talking exclusively about women?
Wade: Fortunately, I do not feel pressured to perform a certain way, because 90 percent of the time the conversations are about sports (my specialty) or music, so I feel authentic having those discussions. When it comes to relationships, I would intentionally use the word "partner" to see the reaction, but strangely enough, no one ever said anything. I won't lie, though: I did, at some points in various conversations, feel the pressure to conform, to fit in, but I never wanted to disrespect my partner by referring to him as a woman, as I did in my past. When I wasn't "out" I experienced more trepidation at my barbershop when people were having specific conversations. I had to really contemplate what I would say and how I would act. Since you were "out," how did you navigate those situations?
Darnell: Well, I was never really "in." I try not to think of myself as a one-dimensional being. I mean, the persons I choose to love and/or engage with sexually is one aspect, an important one for sure, of my whole self. So, whether I am in a barbershop or not, I try not to narrowly define myself or allow others to do the same, for that matter. But, like you, I have not always spoken up during some "barbershop conversations," whether they occurred in the actual shop or not. There are moments when I overheard sexist statements, words that dehumanized women, and even homophobic comments and I remained silent. There were moments when I was honestly nervous to speak up. I'm not sure what that was/is about. What provoked my silence? What was I afraid of? Why are we men (some of us, anyway) afraid of confronting each other over sexism and homophobia? There's a lot of anxiety that comes as the result of feeling the need to constantly acquiesce to racialized gender norms that harm us more than they heal us. It takes a lot of futile work to perform "the man," to perform a caricature created by others that will never allow space for us to be our best selves.
Wade: Yes! That's exactly how I feel. There has to be a space where my sexuality can be silent, where I can choose to disclose or not disclose and not feel as if I'm disrespecting the "gay community" for not saying I'm gay during a conversation in a space where my safety can be at risk, and also when I just want to exist as a person for a moment, not as a fragment of a whole person -- gay one day and black another, or trying to pass as straight -- but as me, Wade (whether I am talking about Jay-Z or D. Wade), without feeling as if I've let down the gay community or the black community.
Darnell: Is your sexuality ever "silent"?
Wade: "Silent" may have been the wrong word choice, but it does go unnamed unless I announce to the world that I'm gay, and I don't always feel compelled to make that proclamation in certain spaces where I just want to be Wade and not "the gay male" or "the athlete" or "the partner." Not to compare athletics to sexuality, but I often engage in conversations about football with people who don't know I'm an ex-NFL player, and I don't announce my history, just because I don't want to be the "expert" or the token "jock." And I know many would say I have great privilege in being able to exist without naming my orientation, and that's true, but I also shouldn't be criticized because of it.
Darnell: I get it. As we discussed before, the power to name exists in the hands of the individual or communities whom others have attempted to name, historically. Yet, we are always are sexual (and, therefore, political) selves at all times. And, let's go there. We may have felt safe or comfortable in spaces like the barbershop, and we may have experienced acceptance because of our gender presentations, whether we disclosed our sexual identities or not. I think about that often. But to say that a barbershop, street, or neighborhood is safe for all LGBTQ people is to forget that not all LGBTQ people share the same privileges that we do. For example, would a feminine-performing brother be safe in your barbershop? Would a masculine-performing sister feel safe in mine? We may "get by" because folk feel safe with us. We may not provoke folk in ways that disrupt their levels of comfort, but when we do, I am sure that we, too, may discover that safety is relative. To put it another way, folk tend to perceive us to be masculine (read: "straight") black men... you probably more than me. We receive a certain type of acceptance and receptivity because of that perception. And that's the problem. Folk are less concerned about whom we love or sleep with. They react and are provoked initially by what they perceive, what they see in terms of our clothing choices (which may also have something to do with perceived economic status), the way we talk, walk, etc. Gender performances that don't fit the script that society has written for us make people uncomfortable. And I am totally fine with others experiencing that type of discomfort.
Wade: See, that's the point. I don't try to perform anymore. I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm learning to love myself, and acting as I did in the past isn't a part of that self-love process, but people still read me as straight, and it's not always my responsibility to inform them otherwise unless I see fit.
Darnell: "Straight" thinking is the problem, for sure.
Wade: But I have to give my barber credit. He's been great ever since he learned of my sexual orientation. He still asks if anyone knows that "Wade Davis character" -- the gay football player. It makes me laugh every single time, but he doesn't "out" me in a negative way. His bringing up the "gay football guy" in the shop has allowed customers to discuss everything from Frank Ocean to sexism and misogyny to HIV in the black community to the prison-industrial complex like never before. I even convinced him to go out and purchase Michelle Alexander's The New Jim Crow. So I do see the power of naming myself gay, inviting folk into that part and other aspects of my life, in a presumed straight-dominated space.
Darnell: I hear you. I love that you talk about those topics with your barber. I want to challenge this idea that black straight men are incapable of loving black queer/gay/bi/same-gender-loving men, and vice versa. I think that it is expedient to produce that narrative, because it divides us and feeds the misconception that black and brown folk are more homophobic than white folk, but there are so many examples of black men loving black men, as Joseph Beam would say, whose mutual love and respect is revolutionary. The story of your barber, and mine, are but a few.
Wade: Exactly. I'm blessed to have a barber and fellow patrons who are willing to discuss these seemingly explosive issues in such a way that makes me feel welcomed and my perspective appreciated and, in some ways, desired. This is how our community starts to come together in love and solidarity to effect change. Though it may seem to be on a small scale, the effects can last a lifetime, especially when I think that my barber has a son who may have an LGBTQ classmate or teacher, and knowing that I may have helped change my barber's perspective and, therefore, affected his life and that of his son.
***
Darnell L. Moore is a writer and activist who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y. Currently, he is a Visiting Scholar at the Center for the Study of Gender and Sexuality at New York University. 
Wade Davis is a nationally-recognized speaker, activist, writer and educator. Davis is a former NFL football player who played for the Tennessee Titans, Washington Redskins and Seattle Seahawks, as well as two different teams within the NFL Europe league. He is also an LGBT Surrogate for President Obama. In the role of surrogate he speaks at events on behalf of the President. Also he's a member of the GLSEN sports advisory board - where he advocates for creating safe spaces for LGBT youth. He also has an autobiography coming out in early 2013 entitled Interference.
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"Keep Her in the Game": Supporting Women's Sports

Keep Her in the Game from Womens Sports Foundation on Vimeo.


Women's Sports Foundation:  In a society that teaches girls to judge their worth on looks rather than abilities, it's no wonder that by age 14, girls are dropping out of sports at twice the rate of boys. When they walk away from sport, they walk away from their potential. To help keep them sports, please donate to the Women’s Sports Foundation to keep her in the game. 
Visit KeepHerInTheGame.org to learn more and to donate and support the Women's Sports Foundation to get more girls active.[image error]

Dr. Elaine Richardson: Her Story, Her Triumph

Give Us Free Records  For several years, Elaine Richardson led a turbulent life filled with abusive relationships and trauma-induced choices. She would have seemed like the last person to become a tenured professor at The Ohio State University, an award winning scholar, mentor, and first-rate singer-songwriter-performer; but today she is all of that and more. In addition to her published academic texts, Dr. E is in the process of publishing her personal memoir detailing her inspirational story of redemption and is becoming a much sought-after speaker, elevating audiences across the country: talking, singing and acting out the lowest to the highest points from her remarkable life story.

Mobile App to Fight US Airport Profiling

AlJazeeraEnglish:  In the wake of the 11 September, 2001 attacks on the US, some ethnic minorities have been subjected to extra screening at airports in the country.

To help solve the problem, a group of Sikhs living in the US have developed a mobile application that makes it much easier to file a complaint in the case of racial profiling by security personnel.

Barbara Benitez reports from Washington.

Ill Doctrine: We're on an Awkward Tour with Romney My Man

Trying to figure out what goes wrong whenever Mitt Romney interacts with members of the human species.

Trailer: 'Dear Dad: Letters from Same Gender Loving Sons' (dir. Chase Adair)

What is "Dear Dad,":

“Dear Dad,” is a documentary that peeks into the lives of your friends, brothers, cousins, co-workers, sons, and uncles. You'll meet 10 diverse same gender loving men living in "Black Gay Mecca"; Atlanta, GA. “Dear Dad,”aims to give same gender loving men a platform to tell their varying yet universal stories about their relationship with their father and how it has shaped them as men. We'll meet these men, learn a little about who they are and what they do. Then, we'll delve into their relationship with their father (good, bad or indifferent). They'll read their "Dear Dad," letter and decide if they will send the letter to their father. A follow up project entitled "Dear Son," will be produced for those who decided to send their letters. 
Find Out More

Olympics 2012: NYC Athletes Challenge Racial Norms

WNYC :
In the U.S., the Olympic sports of swimming and gymnastics are dominated by white athletes. But in London on Saturday, two New York City teenagers will challenge that notion. Lia Neal, 17, is a half-black half-Chinese athlete from Fort Greene, Brooklyn who will race in the 4 x 100 meter freestyle. And John Orozco, 19, a Puerto Rican from Harding Park in the Bronx will show what he’s got inside the gymnastics arena.

Faith Ringgold on "Political Art"

From the National Visionary Leadership Project
Faith Ringgold, painter, writer, speaker, mixed media sculptor and performance artist lives and works in Englewood, New Jersey. Ms Ringgold is professor emeritus at the University of California, San Diego where she taught art from 1987 until 2002. Professor Ringgold is the recipient of more than 75 awards including 22 Honorary Doctor of Fine Arts Degrees. She has received fellowships and grants that include the National Endowment For the Arts Award for sculpture (1978) and for painting (1989); The La Napoule Foundation Award for painting in France (1990); The John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Foundation Fellowship for painting (1987); The New York Foundation For the Arts Award for painting (1988); The American Association of University Women for travel to Africa (1976); The Creative Artists Public Service Award for painting (1971). 
Ringgold’s art has been exhibited in museums and galleries in the USA, Canada, Europe, Asia, South America, the Middle East, and Africa. Her art is included in many private and public art collections including The Metropolitan Museum of Art, The National Museum of American Art, The Museum of Modern Art, The Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, The Boston Museum of Fine Art, The Chase Manhattan Bank Collection, The Baltimore Museum, Williams College Museum of Art, The High Museum of Fine Art, The Newark Museum, The Phillip Morris Collection, The St. Louis Art Museum and The Spencer Museum. Ms. Ringgold is represented by ACA Gallery in New York City.

Big Think: Jane McGonigal on Gaming and Productivity

Jane McGonigal is an American game designer, specializing in pervasive gaming and alternate reality games. She currently serves as the Director of Game Research & Development at Institute for the Future.