Steven Barnes's Blog, page 91

A Cubic Inch of Opportunity

A Cubic Inch of Opportunity

"From time to time, life gives you a cubic inch of opportunity. Either grab it at that moment, or it is gone forever."

I can think of numerous major events in my life that were now-or-nothing propositions. Moments of unusual clarity when an idea, a problem solution, or an opportunity for action occurs. Like dreams, ideas often melt away if they aren't swiftly seized. Among the very best ideas that seemed to arise in such a fashion:

1) The notion for my novel "Lion's Blood"
2) The title "Streetlethal."
3) The idea of writing out your life goals and challenges as if they are a story you are creating, already knowing the end point.
(the core of the entire Lifewriting process)
4) The recognition that Tananarive was my Soul Mate
5) The Five Minute Miracle concept combining "Perpetual Exercise" with "Synaptic facilitation."
6) The "Mind Reading" concept demanding that you deeply examine your own agency in creating your body, career, and relationships...and then using that information to "read" other people's lives in turn.
7) The "Soul Mate" process that lead to one of my most vital breakthroughs integrating work in perhaps five different disciplines.

 Each of these transformed my life, and each was in the category of a notion that was time-dependent.
 What was common about my success with each?
 1) I trust my instincts. Have calibrated my little "Tingly" sensations so that I know when my unconscious is sending a message.
 2) I recorded the thought. Audio, notebook, computer...it doesn't matter, but write it down.
 3) I took action. Whether "merely" writing it down, discussing and testing it with a friend, mentor or student, or in the case of Tananarive, devised a (damned sneaky) way to grab her attention, I DID SOMETHING. Tested the notion to determine if there was validity to it. Moved it out of the realm of the purely theoretical.

 In some ways this last step...TAKING ACTION...may be the most important. It is certainly the one most neglected by people who fail to achieve their life desires.


Steve

Skyfall

All right, so SKYFALL delivered. No Bond movie (or any movie, for that matter) is perfect. But it definitely takes its place with FRWL, Goldfinger, OHMSS, Spy Who Loved Me and Casino Royale as the best of a remarkable series. The Bond movies have ranged from action-comedy to near tragedy, like episodes of some mega-million dollar television series. The Bond actors have ranged from pretty faces to thuggish killing machines with broken hearts...and I've enjoyed them all. Just want to pause to acknowledge that the Broccolis have done something quite remarkable in keeping this going for 50 years. Pundits and disgruntled fans have been predicting the death, and bemoaning the "obsolescence" of 007 for forty of 'em. I've lost count of the number of conversations I've had where I tried to get someone to explain exactly how Bond is a misogynist. I always thought he was a misanthrope, a barely leashed semi-sociopath who channels his rage into being Her Majesty's biggest fist (and most explicitly in SKYFALL, the teeth of the British Bulldog. Lovely.) He has no real friends, no future, and has lost everything he ever loved--except England herself. And that is where he takes his stand. All the chatty cocktail party conversation, the insane courage, the fast cars, the easy sex and gambling--these are the things guys cling to as wish fulfillment, but no healthy person would actually want to BE Bond. You would never want your own son to experience the pressures that make such a human being. By dialing back the derring-do to a more human scale (it actually took me almost a half hour to realize I was looking at Ian Fleming tempered with Len Deighton, or John Le Carre) we finally grounded the icon in something resembling understandable human emotion. By moving the dial just a tick closer to 3-Dimensionality it was possible to glimpse the tragedy of a man who cannot live for his own future, or any thoughts of home and hearth. Not for him the sunshine. He was born, and will die, in the shadows.

A killing machine who cons bad guys--and apparently, fans around the world--into thinking he is a playboy in a tailored tux. A "fop who can fight." No. He is the world's deadliest commando. Roger Moore was the ideal "outer" Bond. Danial Craig is the perfect "inner" Bond. Moore recently declared straight-up that Craig was the best Bond ever, and the man who played 007 more than anyone else has the right to an opinion. My thought: Craig shows us the actual man. Connery was the actor they hired to play him in the movie. I can imagine Craig's Bond slipping into a theater to watch "Goldfinger" and smiling at Connery's sleek predator, then slipping out before the lights come up. And being grimly amused as he sits in a posh bar later, alone, deciding whether to pick up a blond for the night, or gamble, or just go home and eat some more pain pills. I seriously appreciate that the Broccolis created these three Craig films (although QofS was pretty painful to watch). I'd love to be a fly on the wall during family discussions on their bread and butter over the years. But lacking that, I'm happy that this part of my childhood continues to amuse, entertain and...occasionally...move me. All this time later. Wow.

Happy 50th, 007. Nobody has ever, ever, done it better.  An "A".  For Bond fans like me, an A+.

House-cleaning

The eight steps on Buddhism's Eightfold path are: Right view, right thought, right speech, right conduct, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration. They all interact and interrelate, and are generally not considered to be some kind of linear list. Scholars such as John Snelling have subdivided the list into three main elements: wisdom, morality, and meditation.

My personal preference in life and teaching is to concentrate on the "householder" aspects, plus heart, with the belief and observation that the rest takes care of itself.

Right view--without an accurate perspective, one cannot set balanced goals, let alone achieve them. If someone says "I'm driving from New York to Los Angeles" and gets there, it is reasonable to assume their GPS was accurate.

Right Thought--without managing our thoughts, it is impossible to maintain constant action over time.

Right Speech--without the ability to communicate honestly but compassionately, it is impossible to build mastermind groups, or attract and hold lovers or customers.

Right Conduct--again, critical to nurture relationships either intimate, social, or financial

Right Livelihood--work should be in alignment with laws, ethics, passion, and the concept of "mutual benefit and welfare."

Right Effort--without constant action, all goals remain fantasies. The ego attempt to discount what discipline and simple sweat contribute to fitness, success, and loving relationships is absolute poison.

Right Mindfulness--awareness of self and environment will teach you what is necessary to understand others.

Right Concentration--really, I like the concept of "coherence" more than the usual "focus." To have body, mind, and heart all functioning in the same rhythm, flowing in the same direction. The result is uncommon efficiency.

God knows I struggle with these. My own practice has been a search for the tools necessary to deepen and grow. A few years ago I stopped searching, realizing I had everything I needed--including the chisel necessary to chip away the b.s. that still slows me down, or pulls me into illusion. The only tools I offer are those I use myself.

Steve
www.diamondhour.com

Back from Oregon

My planeride back Orycon, I sat next to a guy who seemed restless and trying to rest, but unable to. A half hour before we landed, he turned to me and told me that that morning, he'd learned his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I basically held his hand for the rest of the trip, telling him that the pain was real, the anger and grief were real, but at the core of it is a fear that the event
s mean that he cannot and will not find love, that he cannot trust his own judgement, that there is something horribly wrong with him. Among other things, I told him of pains in my own life, and that it is possible to move beyond them, if we can learn the lessons they teach. "Don't trust people. Rely on them to do what they see as being in their own self interest. You have to learn to see what that is. And you do that by being scathingly honest with yourself." So...he must start by owning his emotions. Giving himself at least 30 days to begin to get his head on straight. Surround himself with friends who love him and will give him support and touch. And find ways to love himself, without question or reservation, in this time of pain. And to remember: she was doing the best she could, with the resources she has.

That's all any of us can do, or have ever done. Forgive himself, protect himself, and learn the lesson. When the lesson is learned, you can release the pain...and not before.

I used to wonder why I got into such conversations with people. Now I expect it. Just my karma. And dharma. And I'm content for that to be so.

The greatest compliment of my life

I may have just received one of the greatest compliments of my life. Need to think about this. We were doing our morning ritual, and after the 8-count "Om" (the target is ten, but as a reward, if he does it perfectly, I let us stop at 8 and make a little joke of the last number) he asked if he could tell me something.

"I wish there was another of you, Daddy" he said. "That you still knew all the things you know, and could be here doing the things you do, but that there was another, little version."

"And what would you do with the other one?" I asked.

He touched his chest. "Put him in here, inside me, to help me."

Tears stung my eyes. "That's what we're building," I whispered to him, laying my hand over his heart. "We're building a little me, right inside you, to be with you always. Always. Even when I'm gone."

And we hugged.

I swear to God: life just doesn't get any better than that. Please, please, if you have a child who needs deeper connection with calm and centeredness, the ritual I created to compensate for my boy's ADD can seem like a miracle at times. ANYONE with a special need and financial issues can get a free copy. Please go to www.diamondhour.com and get yours today, or forward this to someone with need.


Steve

Lurkers, Sulkers, and Critics

Lurkers, Sulkers, and Critics

We've all had that experience in a class, mastermind group or writing circle: someone in the discussion considers themselves to be in competition with you. They tear you down, criticize, snark, sabotage, try to create alliances against you, sulk, and loud-talk you.

In certain contexts, a competitor can make you stronger, faster, better, smarter. But in a Mastermind group, it is essential that every single person be in alignment for...wait for it...mutual benefit and welfare.

One of the most important aspects of a Mastermind meeting is the "Hot Seat," where every member takes a turn reading their work, discussing their plants, asking for help. Then every member of the group offers insight, support, ideas, and encouragement. Again, the best analogy for a "mastermind" is a "superbrain." You start with a single "lobe" of your brain, make certain that it is operating at the highest possible efficiency, then add ONE new person (lobe). The communication must flow smoothly and in coordination across the nerve bundles. If, and only if, that communication is smooth you may seek ONE more person ("lobe") and repeat the process. Smooth cooperation and communication is the MOST important thing--a person of superb ability who is not aligned with you can destroy the entire thing.

So, then, new people can be added if:

1) They agree to 100% of the rules of your mastermind.
2) They can meet with the other members at least once per week, or agree to post on the board, exchange emails, Skype, phone, or however you have agreed to communicate.
3) If you are in a business that actually DOE have direct competition, you may not want to have a competitor join the group. You can have two plumbing supply businesses on the same block, but unless they can find a way to function in synergy, they probably can't both be in the same Mastermind.
4) There are people who just naturally try to dominate and "rank" others, show off, brag, boast and cut others down. REGARDLESS OF THEIR RESOURCES OR STATUS, do NOT let such a person into your group.
5)If people will not both share with and support the others in the group, they cannot join your group. No "lurkers" who listen without contributing.

Remember--this is not a coffee klatch, or a bunch of buddies. This is a weekly meeting to support each other, to move forward toward goals and dreams, not to "feel good" or "relax" unless that has a DIRECT influence on our goals. Be very very careful of time wasters, negatives, whiners, lurkers, and of course, eternal competitors. Whether in terms of personal traits, relationship glitches or mastermind goofs...they can destroy your dreams.

Steve

Swiss watches, beating hearts

"A story is a Swiss watch timed to a beating heart." One of my favorite sayings about storytelling, and it relates to the aspects of writing that are mechanical as opposed to those that embrace chaos. (And yes, the heartbeat is not some metronome--it flutters around rhythmically, which is one of the reasons that exercise that includes variation is healthiest and most productive:
http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3...)

Well, I had originally intended this saying as a metaphor, but it's delightful to know that I was technically accurate as well. Well...the truth is that even when it comes to the mechanistic aspects of story, once you learn the basics you create art by adjusting and sliding those basics around to manipulate emotions, theme, and meaning. Oh, and rhythm and tempo.

But after a conversation with one of my favorite students yesterday, I thought I would emphasize one aspect (knowing that this student will read this: yes! I mean YOU!): by the end of the first act, you need to have established place, characters, tone and the basic dilemma your character needs to solve by the end of the piece.

Now, the "first act" is of course an artificial construct, but so long as you remember that, it is useful. Generally, that "first act climax" appears about 20-30% of the way into your story. In it, you meet the lead character, introduce the status quo in his world, and then throw him out of balance. The story then cannot conclude until the balance, or a new balance, is restored to his inner and outer world. I personally like stories where the balance is dynamic, where after great trial your character will rise to a new level of integration and understanding. But the higher you want them to go, the deeper the depth of pain and despair they have to go through before they get there, which means that the problem you whack them with has to be their worst nightmare.

1) "What is the worst thing that can happen, and how could it turn into the very best?" Or:
2) "What is the best thing that could happen, and how could it turn into the very worst?"

In fiction:

1) Casablanca. Rick's old love walks into his cafe, ripping his guts out. But by the end, he will come to understand himself, his woman, and his place in the world with exquisite clarity, and embrace his true destiny.

2) Chinatown. Jake Gittes finds an opportunity to bring down one of the "big boys" he has fought against his entire career. But by the end, his own hubris and ego will have destroyed everyone who trusted him, and his own false self image.

In life:

1) Again and again in my own life, disasters have been opportunities to grow. I recall my brother Patric Young's expression when things get tough: "thank you God, for giving me another chance to find out who I really am."

2) Early in my career, I was given opportunities for which I was not yet prepared. My ego swelled, but it was definitely a "pride goeth before a fall" and the defeat was crushing.

However...(and have you already intuited the joke?) life is in cycles. A story may be "and they lived happily ever after." But life is up and down and up and down...moving through or along different levels of performance and existence, either up or down the scale of integration and experience. With fiction, you can simulate this by showing different aspects of a character's life: some up, some down. If you want a powerfully positive feeling, you simply coordinate "ups" for their relationship, self-image and external circumstances all at the same time. A powerful down? Simultaneous crash-and-burn in multiple arenas.

But that all has to be set up with that first act climax. This cannot quite be taught, but it can be learned. Your best bet is to look at a dozen of your favorite movies or books, classics, and ask yourself what is the world-shattering event that takes place about 20% of the way into the story. Then ask yourself what is the emotional charge at the climax. Study the relation between them, and come up with your own theory about how it works. Test that theory in your writing, and note the reactions from your readers.

And in your own life: note cycles of up and down and up in career, relationships, and physical health. Journal about what you observe. The connections between what you see in life, and in fiction, will mostly twine together on an unconscious level. But it will be critical to developing your own theories and approaches...to both fantasy and fact.

Steve
www.diamondhour.com

Mastermind and Spirit

I love the "Mastermind" concept for so many different reasons, and think it a wonderful window in on the process of "Self Directed Human Evolution."

1) The most important level: alignment with Self (Heartbeat Meditation can be wonderful here)
2) Second Level: grounding in physical reality. (I.D.E.A.---development of instinctive action and intuition through feedback from balanced goals)
2) Third level: Alignment with the Divine. In truth, there are ways I consider this more important than #1 or #2, but the problem is that without first connecting with your own heart, and without having some way to error-check with the world As It Is, you will be vulnerable to persuasion from outside yourself. For instance: what if you are a Christian? But there are hundreds of translations of the Bible, hundreds of denominations major and minor, and thousands and thousands of churches. Each is at least slightly different, and sometimes SERIOUSLY different on what some consider core issues. Combined there are hundreds of millions of members, each of whom has a slightly different interpretation of what "Christianity" means. No one, repeat NO ONE can obey every single rule, law, and principle in the Bible, every dictate from every pulpit, every judgement by every member. Everyone edits, prioritizes, picks and chooses, and then justifies their choices. It is fascinating to watch the process. The sad thing is when people are unaware that they do this.

Unless you have a "conscience", can hear the "still small voice" within your heart, how will you know what path is best for you?
Unless you observe your results in the external world, how will you know whether you are in alignment with the rhythms and tides of natural law?

I had an extensive conversation with a devout Christian recently, talking about the difference between prayer and meditation. I tried to avoid facile comments like "prayer is you talking to God. Meditation is God talking to you." Rather, I discussed the view that meditation is a tool for placing your consciousness on whatever "frequency" of the consciousness spectrum that is appropriate for a given task, or for overall generative growth. Raising or lowering stress, "white" or "black" dot meditation, whatever. Seeing consciousness as a spectrum from near-sleeping to hyperactive...and that is looking at things as a linear, two-dimensional spectrum, and that is trivial and woefully incomplete. Imagine "tuning" your mind to whatever part of the spectrum you need to write, exercise, make love, sleep, have patience with a screaming child, spar, defend yourself from a knife attack...each has unique combinations of focus and release, external and internal attention.
An infinite spectrum. What I told my friend was that she should discuss this with her priest or spiritual counselor, tell him that she wishes to reduce stress, and doesn't wish to violate any of the principles of her religion. There are many forms of, and teachings concerning "Christian Meditation" and I suggest that she seek one out. It is, I believe, safest to find your Truth within whatever path you were given before you reach the age of puberty--certain perceptional doors slam shut pretty hard at that time, and it takes dynamite to open them back up.

I will coach people about certain things, but the safety of their soul ain't one of them. But until she has come to some conclusions I will go so far as to recommend "Heartbeat Meditation", the safest powerful meditation I know of, as non-sectarian as you can get, a practice which is "spiritual" or "religious" or simply a "relaxation response" with no spiritual content at all. It's up to you.

I gave Jason the third of Musashi's Principles today: "Become acquainted with every art." For a martial artist, this is obvious: throwing, punching, locking, weapons, tactics, and so forth. In general, however, this would be music, dance, writing, art, etc.--the ways human beings find of expressing their inner world verbally and non-verbally. I placed my hand on his chest and said, "every bird in the forest has his own song. Unique to that bird. You have to find YOUR own song. The things that are unique to you. A unique combination of your heart, your mind, your physical energies."

First principle: Do not think dishonestly. This means to have an accurate map of the universe. To seek to know what is true. This is primary. But we must ask: how do we do this? How do we learn what is true?

Second principle: The Way is in Training. Whatever you wish to do with your life, aim at being the very best you can possibly be. We know what is important to people by what they spend their time doing. For me, this is my family, writing and teaching, and movement arts. This is who I am, and I don't try to be anything else. But if you go deeply enough into the specific, you emerge in the Universal.

Third principle: Become Acquainted with Every Art. The interesting thing about arts is that there is almost never an objective measure of success or quality. No way to simply develop a linear capacity and master it. It isn't how far you hit the ball--it is how loud the crowd roars in response. The vagaries of this can drive artists insane. We need the "mastermind" of a public response in order to know if we are on the right path, but if you invest your ego there, you'll be inauthentic at best, torn to pieces at worse. It is SO hard. You have to care passionately...and not give a damn. Be "in the world, but not of the world."

Jason is just beginning his path in life. I am beyond the half-way point, the point at which it is critical that I empty myself out and prepare for death. I have to give him everything I have, everything he needs that I can offer, or I've failed my task as a father.

Today, we sat in Seiza position (I sit cross-legged, so that our eyes are level), holding each other's gaze, holding each others' hands. One breath at a time, he counts, and we Om. And about three breaths in, I feel the hard edges of reality fall away, begin to enter the Flow Tunnel. My office disappears. Time disappears. Only Jason and I exist. And then...we are gone, and It is there. A truth. A melding. So long as he holds my eyes, and his hands are soft in mine, I can take him with me.

I cannot teach him the most important things in life, but as one of his primary "Mastermind" partners, what I can do is create a context in which he can learn and experience them for himself. That is my commitment. Finding his center, his heart, is one of his primary tasks. Then...learning how to set and achieve balanced goals, that he may discover I.D.E.A. for himself, in his own time. Then...to extend his truth into the external world, to learn to master the internal/external feedback from other human beings that will allow him to create relationships, and Mastermind groups, to accomplish the things he cannot do alone.

Spirit? Well...if you master body, mind, and relationships you have given roots to the living garden of your heart. The plants will grow as high as they can. If you have the capacity and drive to awaken, to become Adult, and to connect with spirit, then you will, and as safely as such a momentus thing is possible.

But if not...at least he'll have a good dream. His actions will be in integrity with his values, hopes, and dreams. And he won't walk alone. And in many ways, that's the most anyone outside him can ever provide.

Steve
www.diamondhour.com

Your Significant Other--the second Mastermind

After you begin the process of aligning your internal world, it makes sense to look at the next level of building the "Mastermind." Remember basic definitions:
1) A master mind is two or more people aligned in a spirit of harmony, cooperating to reach individual or group goals.

One of the most critical aspects of this sentence is the phrase SPIRIT OF HARMONY. In other words, you are better off with two people in harmony than a hundred people who squabble. There is no better example of this than in an exploration of that most basic "Mastermind" partnership, the human pair-bonded mating. Whether "married" or not, the basic human unit has been the foundation of society since before there were humans. The reproductive core of this relationship makes it central to our understanding of human nature, even if the pair bond obviously extends to couples who have no interest in children, are beyond the age of children, same-sex couples, and so forth.

But there is something very special about a pairing you are committed to, where you can't simply walk away. And it is very different with another autonomous adult than with a child or a pet. Your relationship with your primary significant other is a mirror for who YOU are. Your intelligence, energy, focus, creativity, self-love, joy...all of these things go "on the table" when seeking relationships.

Now, if you are celibate, or have made a conscious choice to avoid human romantic or sexual relationships for philosophical or religious reasons, this doesn't apply to you. But I see people lying to themselves all the time--they have a string of failed relationships, and instead of asking what they would need to do to heal themselves to attract and hold a better level of human partner, they say there are "no good men" or "no good women" or they are just too good for the world, etc. It's actually rather sad.

I would estimate that less than 1% of people really WANT to be alone. For the rest of us, the search for love, the desire to have another human being to share our passion, our travails and triumphs, is a very real thing. And that person should, ideally, be someone who can share our values and dreams, who is courageous enough to call us on our b.s. (this often doesn't happen--because then, of course, they would be called on THEIR b.s. In a dysfunctional relationship, the first person to tell the truth opens the door to dissolution). There is nothing more important than this primary partnership--except your integrity within yourself.

Just a few questions to consider in this arena:
1) Look at your past failed relationships. What didn't you see in the other person that you would have seen had you not been myopic with fear or lust?
2) Look at the best relationship you've ever had. What did you do right in this instance that you had not done before, (or if the relationship has ended badly, since.)
3) If you are seeking a new relationship, are you clear upon your values and needs? Are you the equivalent of what you are seeking? How would you need to change, or grow to manifest or mirror the qualities you want in a partner?

Understanding our romantic relationships is a foundation for understanding EVERY other kind of relationship. The reverse is not always true.

Steve
www.diamondhour.com

The Inner Mastermind

"The mastermind is the only known means of overcoming a lack of ability."--Napoleon Hill.

A critical concept, whether we look at an individual, a couple, or a crowd. Whether the goals are internal or external, whether they are artistic, commercial or spiritual.

This is so critical that I want to concentrate my thoughts here for a while. The primary definition of a "Mastermind" is: two or more people working together in a spirit of perfect harmony to support shared or separate goals.

Let's relate it simply to the first basic levels:  An individual.

The Eriksonian "Parts Party" is designed to create alignment between the different aspects of our personality. Basically, imagine a garden party, attended by different aspects of your inner world. Then what you do is "introduce" different, conflicting aspects. Ambition? Meet Fear. Intimacy? Meet Freedom. Then the conflicting parts are allowed to "discuss" their needs and goals, so that they can stop pulling in opposite directions.

A perfect example. Years ago, my darling daughter Nicki was supposed to perform in a singing recital hosted by Sue Henshaw, vocal coach extraordinaire. The Saturday morning rolled around, and when it was time for her to do her final rehearsal, she froze. Just froze. I mean terror. Couldn't practice. Didn't want to go to the recital, and yet simultaneously she wanted desperately. Nicki has wanted to act and sing since childhood, so there was definitely a war going on inside her.

The first thing that I did was put her on the treadmill and see if getting her blood pumping while singing and chanting affirmations would help her. Ordinarily, a powerful technique, but it didn't help at all. I tried talking to her, role-playing, some other things...nothing worked.

Finally, frustrated and running out of time, I asked if I could try something a little different. I had her lay down on the living room couch, and coaxed her into a relaxed state with visualizations of peaceful gardens. Then I had her imagine she was walking into the aforementioned garden party. And there, she encountered different aspects of her personality. I had her visualize her Ambition, her Love of Music, but also her Fear and Anxiety.

And here was where Daddy had to bow out. I knew that some aspects of the psyche simply don't communicate with outsiders, no matter how trusted and beloved. So the next step was to do a couple of things.

1) Set up a signal system. I believe it was "lift your right forefinger if the answer is yes. Lift your left forefinger if the answer is "no."

2) I just asked if these different parts would speak to each other and try to work things out. Right finger raised.

3) I asked if she would raise her right finger when she was finished, and ready to return to awareness.

So then Daddy had to sit back and wait. I watched her closed eyes. There was rapid REM-style eye movement going on, which I interpreted as communication and integration between the different parts of her personality.

Then after about five minutes (we were watching the clock--less than an hour left until the concert!) she raised that right finger, and I brought her back to normal consciousness. She opened her eyes, shook her head...then jumped up and said: "let's practice!"

She belted out her song (A sassy number called "Your Feet's Too Big", I believe) with total confidence. Tananarive, our piano player, had seen the whole thing and was totally flabberghasted, acting as if she'd accidentally married a witch doctor. We went to the recital, and Nicki performed with perfect confidence, voice clear, flirting with the audience...it was great.

All because she had achieved some sort of detente with her internal community. Her "internal mastermind". I have no idea what those "parts" said to each other. In all honesty, I don't believe I asked. Didn't need to.

The point is that ANY problem related to behavior can plausibly be traced to competing beliefs, goals, or values. Imagine a dog sled with the dogs pulling in opposite directions. You'll freeze on the tundra. It is critical that some part of you take control, lead the way, compromise, bribe, blackmail, seduce or wrestle the conflicting parts of your personality into cooperation, so that you all your emotions, mental attributes and energies are flowing in the same direction.

So a question for today:
1) In your mental arena, what are your greatest conflicts? (For instance: ambition versus shyness)
2) In your physical arena, what is your greatest conflict? (For instance, belief that physical fitness is superficial)
3) In your relationship arena, what is your greatest conflict? (For instance, desire for intimacy versus fear of betrayal
4) In your financial arena, what is your greatest conflict? (For instance, Adult versus Child selves.)

Just writing out the answers begins the process of internal dialog.
Have a great party!

Steve
www.diamondhour.com