Kirk Zurosky's Blog

The Nose Knows

I am happy to say that the Immortal Divorce Court world continues to expand with Volume One now available on audiobook, and Volume Three just published on May 7th.  Volume Three is titled Who Doesn’t Love a Wedding? I have never been to a wedding, but the humans really seem to enjoy posting about them on social media.

Do you know that dogs were the very first creatures in the world to come up with social media?  Yes, before there was Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, there was the dog’s nose.  Every dog can just give a sniff to their surroundings and know who passed by, and who they were with.  Their nose also tells them if a dog they meet is a desirable partner to bark around with.  I bet humans wish they could do this!

  I am really enjoying my own social media experience.  I am going to be the most famous Maltese in the world.  And, I am wagering that Garlic, the vampire Maltese in Immortal Divorce Court, will be the most famous fictional dog ever.  Lassie, who? Air Bud, what?  I will take all the credit for that because I am a born star.  Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok – I am equally funny, sassy, or just plain adorable on whatever the Author posts.  What would social media for dogs be called?  Buttbook, Sniffgram, and BarkYap are my votes.  Hmm, maybe we dogs should just stick to sniffing everything, while continuing to bark at anybody, canine or otherwise, that we come into contact with.   Like I said, the nose knows all, and with it, I don’t even have to remember all those passwords, or worry about getting hacked.  Yep, it’s still a dog’s world!     

Volume Two is For You!

I got so excited when I heard that Immortal Divorce Court: Volume Two – A Sirius Education is available for presale right now, and is coming out on October 7th.  I very nearly forgot to bark incessantly at the Author as he way too slowly prepared my morning cheese ball/allergy pill.  There are times when I wish I really was like Garlic, the vampire Maltese that I inspired, and who in my opinion is the real star of the Immortal Divorce Court series.  I am a Maltese, and so I am a hypoallergenic dog.  Thus, while I can cruise the perimeter of the house looking for supervillains, listening for strange supervillain created noises, and all and all protecting the Family, I cannot give any of the family, or their friends that have passed my security protocols, an allergic reaction.  But, the great irony of me being hypoallergenic is that I have seasonal allergies!  Is this some kind of cosmic joke being played upon me by the universe? You know – like treats that look like food, and smell like food, but are actually made of rubber, or cloth. Do you think the Author would like it if I gave him a steak-infused piece of plastic for dinner?  

You probably want to know just how good Immortal Divorce Court: Volume Two – A Sirius Education is – since of course you thought Immortal Divorce Court: Volume One - My Ex-Wife Said Go to Hell was better than bacon.  The best way I can explain it to you is using something very near and dear to my heart: cheese.  Yes, cheese, one of the four major canine food groups, which include cheese, bacon, treats, and wildebeest. Okay, just kidding on the wildebeest thing, though I could take one down if I wanted to.  I just don’t want to.  So, here we go on my cheese inspired analogy – if Immortal Divorce Court: Volume One is a piece of cheddar, than Immortal Divorce Court: Volume Two is a piece of Swiss.  They are both equally enjoyable, but each has a different flavor.  But, the most important thing is that both volumes will have you laughing out loud, which for people is truly the cheese of life!  So, go reserve yourself a copy of Immortal Divorce Court: Volume Two – A Sirius Education, and until next time – stay paw-sitive!!!

Dog Dogma

When you are a cool canine like me, you have a lot of spare time to think about what is really important in this big world of ours. So, what do dogs value, and how can these beliefs help out our human friends? Dog life can quite simply be broken down into treats, companionship, and the sights and smells of outside.

Dogma Number One: Treats Make Everyone Happier. Whether you are a human, or a dog, if you get a treat your day is going to be instantly better. For me it is bacon, or cheese, and for the Author’s wife (my mommy!) it is shoes, wine, or chocolate. I think the Author views the Author’s wife as his own very special, every day treat. Well, she is pretty awesome!

Dogma Number Two: Being Together is Better Then Being Apart. If you live by yourself, and come home to your dog, you are both instantly happier. It’s just a fact. If you are having a bad day, your dog will know you are, and will do his, or her, best to console you. And, finally both humans and dogs are more content when they have the companionship of their Packs.

Dogma Number Three: Nature Really Does Nurture. Whether we are at the beach, mountains, lake, or even our own backyard, both humans and canines are more relaxed when they are enjoying the beauty of outside. We both deeply inhale the air, and can’t stop looking around at all of the wonders of nature. The joy of humans and dogs splashing in the ocean is pretty much the same. And, have you ever seen how happy a dog is just rolling around in the grass? The carpet works too! There is a reason for it. It’s the best thing since kibble, and I suggest if you are having a bad day give it a try. So, maybe all humans should just try to live their best dog life? Until next time, you stay paw-sitive, and I’ll keep phil-paw-sophizing!

Old Dogs Teaching New Tricks

I cannot bark enough about how happy I am that Immortal Divorce Court series is doing so well.  As it should -- for how could any book that includes a vampire Maltese that is based on yours truly, Daisy the Maltese, not be a fabulous success? If I had opposable thumbs, I would have read it one hundred times by now.  As the curator of the Dog Blog, I have decided that it is important for me to dispel certain myths about dogs (regular canines not vampire ones!) for the readers of the Immortal Divorce Court series.  Most of you pet owners have already figured out that we dogs are a whole lot smarter than we let on.

That is why after careful consideration, I have decided to address a subject that is quite controversial in the dog community – teaching an old dog new tricks.  You humans seem to think that once we canines get past the puppy stage that we somehow lose the ability to learn new tricks.  What is controversial about this among us dogs?  Well, some of us don’t want you to know the truth!  So, I sorted this out the only way I could – by taking a paw vote, and the arfs had it.

Here is the truth – old dogs only learn new tricks if it is something that will lead to us getting something we want such as a favorite treat, toy, or a piece of bacon, or cheese.  When we are puppies, we are trying to impress you and thus we will do anything for you.  Plus, we are a little unsure if you are going to keep us around, so the cuter we can be the better our chances are, right?  But, by the time we are growing long in the tooth, we are literally part of the Family.  We both know we aren’t going anywhere!  Old dogs actually teach their humans to do new tricks.  I recently trained the Author to open his bedroom door if it closed so I can get back in his laundry basket by simply barking until he comes and opens the door for me.  So, remember for dogs the expression is -- you CAN teach an old human new tricks!  Howl at you later!

The Power of Paw-sitive Thinking

 

Dogs, especially a famous Maltese like me, are big proponents of the power of paw-sitive thinking.  That is why we are always so happy to see you when you come home from work, school, the store, or vacation.  We think you are the best thing ever.  That is why we don’t understand why humans can be so mean to each other.  I blame those opposable thumbs that you use for texting.  Humans would get along a lot better if they communicated like dogs, and sniffed each other’s butts rather than posted snippy comments, or texted, passive aggressively. Also, falling into the best thing ever category (shouldn’t that be dog-egory?) are bacon, cheese, bacon and cheese together, and treats.  I think that people have a more paw-sitive outlook on life when they keep it simple. Remember living your best life means lots of naps, tasty treats, spending quality time with the ones that you love, and reading about the adventures of Sirius Sinister and Garlic!
I want to thank all of the readers of Immortal Divorce Court for their amazing support, and great reviews.  As the alter-ego of Garlic, I especially appreciate all of the feedback on how amazing a character Garlic is in My Ex-Wife Said Go To Hell.  But, the truth of the matter is that I am not really the alter-ego of Garlic, though that is what the Family thinks.  I really do have a sonic bark.  Do you know I used to set off both the door chime, and the alarm with it? I am also doggone fast, and if I really wanted to catch those infernal bunnies in the backyard I could.  But, not only are they fluffy and admittedly cute, but do you know long it would take the Family to get the blood out of my white hair?  Well, that’s all for now, stay paw-sitive out there!

 

Here Comes the Paw-parazzi!

 

Hey, it’s me Daisy, the world’s soon to be most famous Maltese, checking in with you, the readers of Immortal Divorce Court to let you know how my new found fame is affecting my life.  I know you are thinking that all the neighborhood dogs are jealous that they are not featured on a web site and I am.  You would be right.  I can’t even go outside to do my business without a canine fan walking by woofing at me for an autograph.

And, don’t get me started about the paw-parazzi.  You would think my cute self is a squeaky chew toy that they just won’t let go of.  If I catch another one of those pho-dog-raphers, sniffing around in my bushes while I am sniffing around in my bushes, I am going to sic the Family on them.  I know, I know, it sounds like I am yapping about first-dog problems.

The truth of the matter is that for the most part my life hasn’t changed much since I became a world-wide phenomenon.  I still get treats when I ask for them, yummy cheese with my allergy pills (though the Family could be a little quicker with said cheese), and the very best naps in the Family’s laundry.  Life is pretty good for me.

And, it turned out that I am not just the inspiration for Garlic, the vampire Maltese, in My Ex-Wife Said Go To Hell, but also a whole line of vampire Maltese, Got Garlic? themed clothing. I hear vampire Maltese themed clothing is going to be all the rage in Paris this year!  So, if you haven’t yet, check out Sirius Sinister Gear, the Immortal Divorce Court merchandise shop, and get in early on the good stuff.  But, I have to tell you that you may find the paw-parazzi trying to get a picture of you, because much like their affinity for bacon, they just can’t resist taking a picture of anyone sporting Got Garlic?, and Immortal Divorce Court clothing! 

 

From the Paw of Daisy

 

Not everyone can say that they were the inspiration for a character in a book, but yes, Garlic was inspired by me, yours truly, Daisy, a regular ordinary Maltese, or at least that is what I have tricked the Family into thinking. In fact, I do a lot of thinking, and I probably would have written the whole series if my chew toys, belly rubs, or that demon temptress bacon were not so distracting! I have an amazing life of eating, playing with my toys, scavenging the kitchen floor for crumbs (some of the Family are major crumb makers), and simply napping in the laundry baskets of my Family. You probably noted how just then I said my Family, yes?

The truth is that the Family didn’t find me; I found them. Why, you ask? Because the Family couldn’t survive without me, and thus, they are now under my protection. Now, I may be only eight pounds, give or take a dog treat, but if anyone comes close to my family I don’t know, or if I hear a sound I don’t recognize, I bring the full wrath of my bark into play. Now, all bets are off if it is thundering outside, however; then the Family is going to have to make do on their own with the training I have given them because I will be safe in the aforementioned laundry!

I look forward to communicating through my Dog Blog with the readers of the Immortal Divorce Court series. If you haven’t read Volume One: My Ex-Wife Said Go To Hell yet—what are you waiting for? I am telling you, this book will become like your favorite bone, except instead of arching your back and snarling at anyone that tries to take it away, you are going to want to tell everyone you know about it. And you should, because great characters, witty dialogue, sexy scenes, and laugh-out-loud moments are the bacon of life …