Michelle Bates's Blog, page 3

The Gospel When We Grieve

 

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I am weary with my moaning;

every night I flood my bed with tears;

I drench my couch with my weeping.

My eye wastes away because of grief;

it grows weak because of all my foes.

Psalm 6:6-7

I have five children. Two of my sons are Home before me.

I can relate to David’s words in this Psalm. I have flooded my bed with tears. My groans are deep, but through my grief and watching my husband and my other children grieve, I have groaned deeply for my Lord. I have asked Him questions and I have begged for answers. And I have often been met with silence, because I will not have answers on this side of Heaven.

When the grief is so deep and hard, and the world doesn’t stop and we have to continue to mother our children. We need to continue to walk the road of grief with them. Sometimes it is an older child excited about a new sister or brother, but went Home early through a miscarriage, was born still or passed away after the first few days of being born. We still need to walk with our children in the midst of our grief and theirs, because they are feeling something too. No matter their age.  

Our oldest son was two when our second son, Eli, went Home the day after he was born. After a difficult pregnancy I was home after being in the hospital for 3 weeks on bedrest and he knew that things were wonky. I had help, but conversations also happened months and years later.

We had a service for Eli. We honored him and celebrated his short life. We have momentos from the hospital. A box full of pictures, diapers, blood pressure cuff, a hospital blanket, cards from friends and the urn that my husband had handcrafted for him out of apple wood. Josiah would ask to look at pictures and then younger siblings began to ask as well. Even though our son only lived for a day, he was an intrical part of our family. We talk about him. We miss him.  We would grieve together and wonder how life would be different with a boy smack in the middle of two girls.

Boston, our youngest, had been an unexpected addition, but a very welcome and grateful one. He had been in our lives for four years. We all have memories, funny stories, jokes, special toys, monster trucks and each time we find a turtle we get excited and shed a tear, because our boy loved turtles. Jesus had used him to heal my heart from fear and trepidation.  My youngest son was full of life, joyful and beautiful. He was taken Home quickly and unexpectedly.

One afternoon while I was cooking lunch my son was taken Home.  We all experienced him. We have grieved together and individually. It has been a very difficult, trying, desperate and sweet time. The Lord has been gracious. We have all grappled for Him. We have all asked Him to remind us of the Gospel and we have all asked why-like King David did in Psalm 6. Wondering how long and why God would allow such pain to a mother and her children.

Tim Keller said, “Job never saw why he suffered, but he saw God, and that was enough.”  We have been compared to Job. A lot. I really don’t like it, but I like this. We will never know the why and when my children ask, I need to tell them honestly that I do not know, but I trust God. In the midst of their pain, I need to remind them that we are in this together. We are struggling together and we are there for one another. I don’t even believe that I will know the why when I reach Home, but I do know that we have seen God here. We have seen His goodness. We have seen His faithfulness. We have seen the Gospel.

His goodness=Christ’s perfect life, death and resurrection for us. For THIS. He conquered death for us. To give us life. To give us hope. To give us a security to know that this is not all there is. This is not our home. Our Home is with Jesus where there will be no more tears or pain. (Romans 8:1-11 and Revelation 21:4)

His faithfulness=He will never let us go. No matter how much we stumble. No matter how much we cry out. He has a grip on us. (Eph. 3:14-19)

He is enough=No matter what is thrown at us. He is enough. He is enough because He has proven Himself before us.  (Lamentations 3:22-24 & 31-33)

I must remind my children of these three things. Over and over again. He is good. He is faithful. He is enough.  

I must remind myself that He is good. He is faithful. He is enough. Sometimes on an hourly basis.

I know that He is enough because He has proven His faithfulness through His Son.  Through our deep pain, we can praise him. Even if it is just quiet tears of grief, we can praise Him. The Psalmists did. “I will bless the Lord at ALL times; his praise shall continually be on my lips.” (Psalm 34:1)

It is hard to praise the Lord at all times. We wonder if He knew what the ALL times were going to be, because the hard times are too overwhelming when it involves, death, divorce, relationship struggles and disobedient children. But, He knows. He knows well. That’s why He came, so that He would know and so that we would know that He knows.  He is a Man of sorrows and a Man of comfort full of grace and mercy especially in the darkest of times.

Take heart, my friends, He HAS overcome the world.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

As the Holidays Come #Jesus is Enough

 

There is a looming in front of us. It’s November 15th and those days where everyone seems happy is getting closer. Those days where our whole families gather around the table, whether we like one another or not, and say thanks for all of the blessings that have been bestowed on us this last year. The day where those little feet will pitter patter down the hallways at 4:30 AM to open those presents around the tree while it is still dark outside and say, “Yippeee! I got that Lego I wanted!!!” And they will spend the rest of the day playing with said toy and argue with siblings to try theirs. They’ll have that Christmas morning hangover by 10 AM and and nap time can’t come fast enough, but as a parent, you live for those smiles in the morning and hope that just maybe it’ll carry throughout the day.

But these happy moments can’t happen for a lot of people this year. The holidays are tough, especially when our whole family is suppose to be together but our little ones have gone Home before us. Two years ago, I wish someone could’ve said something to me to make it all better, but they couldn’t. I wish now, having made it through our first set of Holidays, that I could say something to the families that I know are grieving to make it all better, but I can’t.

There are no magic words.

There is no going back to fix those tragic moments.

There is only waking up to each new day and clinging to our Jesus.

I say often that Jesus is enough. I truly believe it. He is. But I also get so nervous that it will sound trite and it does to some. Some scoff and roll their eyes, wondering how the pain can ever go away. It won’t go away because you believe that He is enough, but at the end of each day and each night and the sunrises the next morning with new mercies, you will realize that He was enough for the previous day and by the end of this day you will realize again that He was enough. Just as He has been enough for these previous days, He will be enough for the holidays. He will be, because He promised to be. He will be, because He came to Earth as a babe, so that He could prove that He gets it, He understands and He loves you so much to drink the most bitter cup of pain and sorrow 33 years after His birth.

Our children are in Paradise. They are with our Lord celebrating His birth, but that doesn’t negate the fact that this is still the hardest ever, and He was born to die for the hardest ever. For that we can be grateful that He will surely carry us through these next weeks.

Even thought I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

 

Psalm 23:4

I have set the Lord always before me;

because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

 

Therefore my heart is glad, and my

whole being rejoices;

my flesh also dwells secure.

 

Psalm 16:8-9

 

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

 

Lamentations 3:22-24

 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

 

Matthew 5:4

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for word. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brother. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” Romans 8:26-30

 

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all fullness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19

 

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

 

 

It is Well-Even if it is not so Well…

“It is Well with my Soul,” is written all over my house. I have it in three picture frames. I have it written on bracelets. I have it written on my heart. And you know what? There are a lot of days that I can look around my house and look down at my wrists and wonder if it is truly well. There are days I struggle to believe the wellness of my soul, because instead of believing in what my Lord has done in order to make my soul well, I struggle with everything else and how it seems incredibly far from well.

The hymn, It is Well with My Soul by Horatio Spafford is by far my favorite hymn. I have a few favorites, but this one? This one knocks me over just about every time I hear it. Even if the rendition is a bad one, the words remain the same and forever true. We had the hymn sung at both of our sons’ memorial services and it seems that it is sung the Sunday before one of the boys’ birthdays or before one of their going Home days. Coincidence? Maybe. Ordained. For sure. Sometimes I like it sometimes I don’t. But that is me, basing my likeness of the song on my feelings at the time. It depends on my week or my mood.

I find myself basing the Gospel on my mood or my feelings. It may be an amazing day and I’ll proclaim, “God is so good and amazing and incredible and fabulous!!!!” Then the next, I will hit a proverbial wall and struggle to believe that there is any God at all and wonder if he still cares or loves me while I am in my own pit of despair and sadness.

I have learned these last two years that it is well with my soul even if it is not well in my circumstances. It is well with my soul because the Lord has grabbed my wandering heart. It is well with my soul because Jesus lived a perfect life in my stead. It is well with my soul because that perfect life was sacrificed for me. It is well with my soul because that sacrificial Lamb conquered death and despite the gross darkness, the mindless shootings, the loss of lives too young to die, the fighting among ourselves, the lack of peace in our world and the lack of peace in our hearts, He gives us the security and hope of a life that is yet to come.

The story of this hymn is familiar to most everyone in the church. Spafford was a lawyer in Chicago, he had lost all he had to the Chicago fire. He had a son pass away from pneumonia at a young age. He and his family were planning a trip to Europe and his wife and daughter’s ship was shipwrecked on the way across the Atlantic. He lost four daughters that day to the shipwreck. His wife was saved and when he rode across the spot of the disaster he penned the words to this hymn. In our heads, we picture this man (and there have been paintings like this) gazing over the sea with the salty air blowing through his hair with paper and pen happily writing these uplifting words. The picture in my mind is different. It is a man, maybe even in his cabin, with a single candle lite penning the words through crushing grief, guttural cries and amazing gratitude for the Gospel. I can relate to a picture like that. I can related to dark rooms and guttural cries and gratitude for the Gospel.

 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, because He has shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, because He has regarded my helpless estate.

It is well, because He has shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, because it has been nailed to the cross and I bear it no more.

It is well and that is more than enough for it to be well. Praise the Lord.