Niyati Tamaskar's Blog, page 2

5 Skills that Career-Women Should Have

Recently I did a fireside chat with Women on IT, where I spoke about Thriving as an Immigrant Woman of Color in Engineering. Women on IT is a grassroots community that focuses on Women in technology, startups and female leaders. One of the questions we had prepared for, in case there were quiet moment in the Q&A. I was asked to think about what are the top 5 soft skills all career-driven females in your opinion should have? Here’s what I had: –

Self-confidence: The difference in confidence levels between women and men is called the Confidence Gap. When asked in a job interview to list your strengths it is found that men are far more comfortable self-promoting than women. This comes from a deep level of self-confidence. Women tend to rate themselves lower in test scores than man, even though the results show they did just as well. A way to boost your self-confidence is practice my mantra- you have earned a seat at the table and your voice deserves to be heard.Self-Advocacy: Be your biggest self-advocate. You can do this by clearly stating your needs and not being afraid to ask questions and challenge figures of authority.Decisiveness: It’s better to make the wrong decision than to make no decision at all. Because even if you do something imperfectly, you will learn from it and improve the next go around. This is also known as Action Bias, people favor action over inaction regardless of the outcome.Be Unapologetic: Now while you’re making that decision we just talked about, don’t apologize for the result. In fact stop over-apologizing, something women do more than men.Empathy: Empathy is the ability to perceive others’ feelings while recognizing and connecting with your own. It is not to be confused with sympathy which is feeling sorry for someone. Empathy helps build reliable teams that have each other’s back and hence succeed as a whole. And it is no surprise that empathetic people make strong leaders

My Comment to Twinkle Khanna

When I saw this on social media…

We Expect More From You

It is the year 2023 and this is what I see from an influencer, author, actor, celebrity I follow…

Translating, the word bechari means destitute/ calling someone ‘poor thing’

Twinkle Khanna would rather thought of as a bitch than be destitute. This post is all sorts of wrong, and the fact that we are in 2023 makes me cringe. To put things in perspective, Twinkle Khanna has 7.5M followers on social media, whereas Brene Brown the TED Talker and Author of multiple books, who talks about vulnerability has less than 5M followers. What Khanna says has reach and impact. Her thoughts on vulnerability as a sign of weakness are regressive. Being able to identify your fears, openly talk about them, relive your trauma, help others by owning your scars and sharing the lessons learned takes courage. Immense courage. Only the bravest can own and be open about their vulnerability.

Khanna is speaking from a life of privilege. She is the daughter of a successful set of actor-parents, grew up wealthy in the most progressive city of India (Mumbai), got into the film industry on the coattails of her famous parents, made a few bad movies, married an up-and-coming actor, quit movies, got a couple books published by Penguin House. She continues to demonstrate that she lives in a bubble. I don’t think Khanna could recognize the S in struggle, or at least that is what she would like us to believe.

The use of the word bitch can have two meanings – bitch as in a malicious woman, or bitch as in a badass. In that post she implied that those of us who are vulnerable cannot be nasty or strong. Anyone who knows me can verify I can be all of the above: vulnerable, vicious and valiant, in the same breath.

Furthermore, she identifies vulnerability as a weakness at a time where many successful Indian celebrities are openly talking about mental and physical health, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, sexual orientation and everything else under the sun. And this has been going on for over a decade from when I first tuned in. Khanna has just aged herself and reminded us of her privilege.

When I published my first book this is what I wrote about my understanding of vulnerability

The first couple of times that I spoke to Dr. Kevin McMullen, I was all joke-joke-laugh-laugh, at the top of my game. Fence off the heart, suppress vulnerability, and use humor as my shield. But that quickly faded, and soon enough Kevin saw me at my worst. I cried at the start of radiation, because I couldn’t get my head around how this could have happened to me. Kevin saw me at my worst. He let me cry, and he was kindhearted. I would always apologize, saying this wasn’t the real me, that I was a much happier person. I told him that I had a wicked sense of humor. Kevin reassured me that he had no expectation of what I should be. He did not need to see an eternal optimist or a jokester. He was there for whatever I needed. Kevin gave me the permission to emote. That went against every grain in my body. I always thought a true hero is someone who endures and doesn’t shed a tear. In actuality, only the brave dare to be vulnerable.

We expect more from you Twinkle Khanna. As a people we have moved long past your regressive views on vulnerability. While this post doesn’t have the reach of Twinkle Khanna I hope those of you reading this share what vulnerability looks like with your loved ones. I leave you with this – the face of vulnerability.

Iguazu Falls

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Beaches of Buzios

We visited the upscale beach area of Armação dos Búzios during our time in Brazil. This was a daytrip we organized with RioAdventures, and where we met Bruno the first time. We were supposed to have an early start, departing at 7 am from Ipanema Inn. The night before I spoke to reception about our early start, breakfast didn’t open till 7 am. Ipanema Inn was kind enough to put together a wonderful breakfast spread for 4 with sandwiches, fruit, coconut water and cheese. It is the little things, this attention to detail and hospitality that made our stay in Ipanema Inn special. When we go back Rio, yes when not if, I will stay at Ipanema Inn again.

The drive from Rio to Buzios was about 2 and ½ hours and gave us a glimpse of the less developed countryside. What surprised me though, was when I told Bruno I needed a restroom break, we stopped at a rundown gas station and I was dreading the hygiene situation. Pleasantly, the toilets there were super clean!

Our first glimpse of Buzios was cobblestone streets and beautiful homes. Bruno dropped us off at Geriba Beach. We were there a touch early and had the whole place nearly to ourselves. The clear waters, mountains within the ocean, homes on slopes with large picture windows and thundering sound of waves – sigh. If only I could bottle that up. As the morning went on, more people showed up at the beach surfers, runners, volleyball enthusiasts. The water was a bit cold for me but the children were unfazed.

Following Geriba we went the main city center where were supposed to take a boat ride, see Buzios from the outside in, and go for a swim. Something about the boat ride didn’t sit too well with us, we had already purchased the tickets and paid for snorkel equipment rental for Nuwan. With neither kids being too strong a swimmers we abandoned plans. Bruno was kind enough to get us our rental money back and refund 50% of the ticket cost. It was a sunk cost we didn’t want to stress over. Instead we spent the afternoon soaking in the picturesque Orla Bardot area of city center. We found a traditional Brazilian restaurant to eat lunch. This place had a seafood feijoada. Feijoada is the national cuisine made from black beans and pork and beef stew. Since I don’t eat red meat I thought I was going to miss out on this. But this place, had a non-red meat seafood version of the dish. I quite liked it, not the biggest fan of octopus though. I feel they are too intelligent a creature to be eaten by us.

Following lunch, we walked around a bit, and then met up with Bruno to explore Buzios more. He took us to another calmer beach and stopped by two scenic spots.

I’ll end with this – Bruno told us the important role the beach plays in Brazilian social life. It is an equalizing factor, free access to all and can be enjoyed by rich and poor, by all races and ethnicities, by visitors and residents. I love that take on beaches.

Selaron Steps and Tijuca National Park

When I think of Rio three things come to mind: Christ the Redeemer, mountains in the ocean, and the colorful steps of Selaron. We had Uncle Bruno, once again from Rio Adventures, take us to see the stairs that connect two bohemian neighborhoods of Rio- Lapa and Santa Teresa.

Bruno told us a little about Jorge Selaron, the mastermind behind the steps. Selaron was a world travelers and had been to 50 countries in his lifetime. He sold paintings and was a ceramic artist. When he made Santa Teresa his permanent base he noticed the stairway connecting Lapa to Santa Teresa was in bad condition. So he started to use colorful ceramic tiles to renovate and restore the steps. Initially, as a ode to Brazil 1990 World Cup, the stairs were in the colors of the Brazilian flag – green and yellow. Later on he added red and other colors, red was Selaron’s favorite color.

As Selaron’s work became more famous, people started gifting him tiles from their travels or their country of origin. The 215 steps represent more than 60 countries and have over 2000 tiles. It is heavily trafficked, and we saw so many people getting in line to get the perfect Instagram shot. Next time we do the stairs, I will target an early morning visit. We were there middle of day and it was very busy. Selaron is one of the best examples of Brazil’s melting pot stories. The government made Jorge Selaron an honorary resident in 2005.

Writing in reverse order, before we went to Selaron, we visited the largest urban forest in the world; Tijuca National Forest. Covering just over 15 square miles, this forest offers a quite reprieve from the bustle of Rio. Waterfalls, picnic tables, bridges, bicycle paths, cave exploration and hikes – there’s something for everyone here. Even with a population of 6.7 million strong, you can find yourself isolated and one with nature. We saw a group of black squirrel monkeys devour a jackfruit while we were there. We also had a green non-venomous snake fall on our car windshield! I would google the name of the species but I don’t want to look at a bunch of snake photos. Brave Uncle Bruno was able to return the snake back to the wild by outsourcing the task.

Uncle Bruno from RioAdventures giving us a brief history about Tijuca

Bruno told us something fascinating about Tijuca. Back in the 1700 and 1800s Tijuca was completed deforested to grow coffee and sugarcane. This affected the environment, and water quality. In 1891 the emperor of Brazil Dom Pedro II decided to embark on a reforestation effort. The trees, flora and fauna you see today is all thanks to Dom and his vision.

A tip of the hat to RioAdventures for hooking us up with some awesome guides and showing us a safe and wonderful time in Rio de Janeiro.

Point of quiet contemplation and reflection – what we witnessed was the Atlantic Rainforest, not the Amazon. The lush greenery is impressive, but we learned that today only 8% of the Atlantic Rainforest remains. To think what would be if we could reforest even a quarter of this beauty? I hope we have a Dom Pedro II reincarnation and Brazil continues its efforts to protect and reforest the lungs of the Earth.

Christ the Redeemer

Listed as one of the 7 modern wonders of the world*, Christ the Redeemer surpassed my expectation. It’s not just the size of the statue, it’s the setting, the mountain, the views and the vibe of Rio that make this a marvel to be visited. My first glimpse of the statue was from the airplane. It this imposing figure that is benevolently looking over Rio.

We visited Christ the Redeemer and Sugarloaf Mountain on the same day. The Christ statue is atop Corcovado Mountain, standing at 2300 ft above sea-level. The statue stands at an imposing 98 feet tall and the open arms are 92 feet wide. The statue stands on a 28 feet tall pedestal which makes it even taller. The facial expression of Christ is serene, the outstretched arms felt welcoming to me and peaceful. It took Brazil 9 years to build this statue, the construction started shortly after WWI. Nuwan and I were wondering how it was constructed, as we couldn’t see the breaks in the structure we thought it was one block of stone. Bernardo our guide told us that the statue is made of reinforced concrete and then covered with a mosaic of 6 million tiles. Bernardo told us these tiles were put together by ‘women of the church’ and that many of the tiles had names of loved ones engraved in the back. I thought that was such a beautiful gesture by the women.

The views from Corcovado Mountain as we made our way up were spectacular. We could see Ipanema beach, Copacabana, a military school, and other neighborhoods. This is also where we met a little friend, part squirrel part monkey, we saw a marmoset! That little guy was adorable. I was so distracted by the views from the mountain that I didn’t even notice we were at the base of the Christ. When I looked up I skipped a beat as I saw the larger-than-life statue. Moreover, I felt a bit dizzy when I looked up because there were clouds moving right above us and it appeared as though the statue was moving. The staggering size, intricate mosaic, serene look and aerial views of the city add towards the wow-factor of this site.

After taking in the views of Cristo Redentor, we moved on to the next UNESCO World Heritage Site, Sugarloaf Mountain or Pão de Açúcar in Portuguese. We took 4 different cable cars to get to the peak. There’s an option to hike and for the brave-hearted you can even rock climb. Watching the rock climbers make their way up had my heart in my mouth. Sugarloaf is all about the views. I’ll end this post here, and let the pictures do the talking.

*If you’re wondering who is on the list, here are the 7 Modern Wonders of the World– Chichen Itza, Christ the Redeemer, Colosseum, Great Wall of China, Machu Picchu, Petra and the Taj Mahal.

Football at Maracana

You can’t go to a soccer-crazed country and not experience soccer. I did my due diligence and found a concierge service to take us to Marcana Stadium to watch a local soccer game. There was some miscommunication when we were picked up from the airport, the driver told us Marcana tickets were sold out. So we were under the impression that we are missing out on it. Since we weren’t in any rush, we enjoyed our welcome drink and checked into Ipanema Inn at leisure. Just as we walked into our duplex hotel room, the phone rang. Victor from reception told us our Maracana concierge had come to pick us up. We had been on the road for 24 hours at this point, been on the redeye from Chicago and overall tired. But I wasn’t about to miss out on this, there were no other games that coincided with our time in Rio, so it was this match or nothing. We quickly got changed out of our travel clothes, brushed teeth and left for the lobby.

Crowds making their way into Maracana

Marius, our guide, was patiently waiting. The game kick off time was 6:30 pm, the plan was to get into the stadium around 5 before it got real busy. We picked up 6 other people from their respective hotels, we were the only family with young kids in tow. When I had contacted Ipanema Inn to set up the concierge service, I made a custom request. Keeping in mind that we would all be tired from the travel and the children are not used to the decibel levels, I asked them to escort us out at half time. I knew the children wouldn’t last longer than that.

The Iconic Maracana Stadium

Marius gave us a brief history lesson on the drive up to Maracana. This stadium was built for the 1950 Football World Cup. Back then there were no seats, the spectators had standing-only room and Maracana approximately 220,000 fans for the Uruguay Brazil final. This highest soccer attendance record ever. Unfortunately for Brazil, Uruguay won 2-1. The stadium now has seats and caps out ticket sales for safety reasons. Marius had got us tickets in the family friendly area of the stadium. We had good seats and felt safe seeing locals with kids as little as 2 enjoying the game. This iconic stadium regulars hosts local teams: Flemengo, Fuminense, Vasco (as in Vasco da Gama) Botafogo, Fortaleza and more. And was the stadium Pele played in, amongst others. We were there to watch Flamengo vs Fortaleza, the crowd was heavily supporting Flamengo. It is worth noting that Clube de Regatas do Flamengo is the most popular club in Brazil. Marius is a Flamengo fan and he taught us some of the chants. All I really got was Mengo! Mengooo!! (Short of Flamengo.)

Marius, our trusted guide and Mengo fan

We had a good view of the party section of Maracana, where the hardcore fans had drums and flags. And they were the initiators of the chants. In the first half we saw the player introductions, goalies come out to warm up, players line up with the little kids and kick off. Early on Fortaleza got a penalty. I aged 5 years just watching that penalty, Flamengo goalie blocked the goal and the crowd erupted. It was SO loud. Electrifying really, and yes all the travel fatigue melted away with the adrenaline. We then were privy to seeing an incredible goal by Gabi for Flamengo, another eruption of pure euphoria as people screamed Gabi Goooooollllll! (Player Gabriel Barbosa commonly known as Gabigol.) We were at time though, the kids were tired, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the crowds and ready to go back. I’m so proud of them for lasting this long and getting into the game. I told Marius it was time for us to leave. He introduced us to his colleague who walked us out and drove us back to Ipanema Inn.

Watching soccer at the Maracana Stadium in Rio where the favorites were on a winning streak; there aren’t enough words in the English language to describe how incredible this was. If you want to feel the pulse of the Brazilian people, go experience a soccer match. When in Rio… Mengo Mengo!

Girl from Ipanema

We chose one of the two most popular neighborhoods in Rio for our stay; it was a tossup between the Copacabana and Ipanema neighborhoods. The former is touristy, and the latter is frequented by locals, obviously I chose Ipanema. Ipanema has an eclectic choice of restaurants, juice bars, coffee shops and bars to choose from and a brilliant array of shopping. Ipanema beach has this eye-catching sidewalk of a mosaic of waves in black and white. And the mountains that go into the ocean add to the already breathtaking views. We stayed in a modest hotel called Ipanema Inn, in a duplex suite that is spread over 2 floors. The room was cozy, nothing to boast about but the uppity neighborhood and breakfast spread surpassed our expectations. Only thing sweeter was the staff, they were welcoming and accommodated our requests.

Victor from Ipanema Inn

One of the locals explained to us that Rio natives are called cariocas. The word ‘carioca’ originates from an indigenous language called Tupi. A slightly controversial meaning of the word broken down as ‘kari’ which means white man, and ‘oka’ which means house. The native tribes referred to the European settlers as cariocas. Today this is not a derogatory term from what I understand, all Rio natives are called cariocas.

Rio is unfairly blessed. Within minutes you can be hiking in the mountains, bicycling up hills, rock climbing off the steep rock faces, swimming in the beach, jumping off cliffs, bathing under a waterfall. How does one city have all this within city limits? The Tijuca National Forest is the biggest urban forest in the world. It is incredible that you can swim in the beach then cool down in a rainforest all within a few miles of each other.

Something that surprised me about Rio was the safety. Brazilian friends had cautioned us, had me frightened almost about going to Rio de Janeiro. At one point we contemplated canceling our trip altogether. But we decided to go for it; leaving our watches, rings, Nuwan’s big camera all behind. About to bust this myth here – Rio is safe! As long as you do what locals do, hang at the beach when there’s others at the beach, go out to eat when there’s people out eating, prebook taxi services etc. After a day or so of watching locals, we felt comfortable to wander the streets. I didn’t fear for my belongings, no one “accidentally” bumped into me in terms of a potential pickpocket or pervert. We didn’t wander the favelas, or walk on the beach when there’s weren’t any other people. We were using common sense, and I feel that’s all you need for Rio de Janeiro. What I did notice was that no one had fancy cameras, that was a red flag for me. I don’t regret not taking the Nikon with those massive lenses.

I asked ChatGPT to list the most picturesque cities in the world, to further confirm my bias towards Rio. AI spat out this subject list of 8: Paris, Prague, Florence, Cape Town, Kyoto, Rio and Barcelona. I’ve been to half of the cities on this list. For me, Florence for its history and Rio for biodiversity are tied for first place.

Stayed tuned for our experience at Marcana Stadium, Christ the Redeemer and Sugarloaf Mountain. And while you’re taking this all in and planning your travel to Brazil, listen to the sultry tunes of Girl from Ipanema by Antônio Carlos Jobim.

Brazil

Nuwan and I continue our love affair with South America. There is so much to explore, and we are merely scratching the surface. The country of choice this summer was Brazil. Bordering (moving anti clockwise) French Guiana, Suriname, Guyana, Venezuela, Colombia, Peru, Bolivia, Paraguay, Argentina and Uruguay. Putting this in perspective, Brazil borders 10 out 12 countries in South America; leaving only Ecuador and Chile untouched. Brazil is massive, the 5th largest country in the world. I highlight this to emphasize we truly did scratch the surface. We visited the scenic city of Rio de Janeiro and the dramatic Iguassu Falls.

This Portuguese speaking nation is the most biodiverse country in the world. What I noticed was that the biodiversity is equally matched by the cultural and ethnic diversity. We saw a mix of indigenous, European, Japanese descent and African people; all Brazilian natives. Brazil is not a place where you can make an assumption of where someone is from based on race. I love that on the surface Brazil accepts all. (I wasn’t there long enough and haven’t done the research to understand discrimination or racism in Brazil. I had my rose-tinted vacation glasses on.) We learned that outside of Germany, Blumenau, a town close to Sao Paulo, boasts of the 2nd largest Oktoberfest in the world, a culturally apt ode to the German Brazilians. Furthermore, Japanese Brazilians are the largest ethnic Japanese community outside of Japan. Japan and Brazil have a long-standing history of cultural and economic exchange. I don’t call this exchange, to me this is an enrichment. Both sides win. One of my Brazilian friends here in the US told me this relationship is reciprocated. Brazilian culture is honored in Japan, giving me the example of Tokyo’s biggest summer fest, the Asakusa Samba Carnival. How cool is that? We all need to adapt this openness and acceptance.

Something else apparent in Rio was how vested the citizens are in their health, as is the government. Weekday or weekend didn’t matter, we saw people running, playing soccer, volleyball, bicycling, rollerblading, hang gliding, rock climbing, swimming, surfing and hiking. Rio is blessed with beaches, mountains, rainforest, and water. And its citizens know how to make the most of what they have been blessed with. There’s something for everyone. A unique sport Nuwan saw on the beach was soccer- volleyball. Players use the volleyball court, but instead of punting the ball with your hands and arms, you only use legs like you would in soccer. Upon googling I learned this sport is called ‘footvolley’ and it was invented by the Brazilians in the 1960s at the famous Copacabana beach. Doing it’s bit, the government shuts down traffic on streets adjacent to the beach. The road is opened up to pedestrians to use at their discretion for bicycling, rollerblading, running et al. Given this fitness background, it is worth noting that six packs and muscle, bikinis and skin are commonplace. What I liked was that the Brazilian people embrace all types of skin. I’m not talking about race but rather age and stage in life. I saw older women and men in skin baring swimwear and saw pregnant women display their growing baby-bearing bellies. Isn’t that acceptance of the human body, albeit super fit bodies, so refreshing?

Here you have it, my Brazil teaser, more to come.