Rachael Dickzen's Blog, page 20

I'm Having a Bad Mental Health Day

The cats consider it their sworn duty to cheer me up when I’m down by sitting on me until I feel better.

I am having a rough mental health day

 I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve been taking my depression meds regularly, and I’ve been a little bit bad about using my Fisher Wallace stimulator, but I’ve been using it at least once a day most days. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I telework full time now and don’t have a car currently, so I can literally spend days without leaving my house. My allergies have been pretty bad lately, which has given me on and off insomnia lately and makes me generally just feel like crap. I haven’t been walking outside as much lately, although I did walk about a lot on Monday. But it’s hard to tell.

Sometimes having depression reminds me of an old detective novel. Every time my brain feels shadowed, I have to sit down, figure out what is causing the depression THIS time, and resolve the problem. So many things exacerbate my depression. Not seeing enough of my friends. Seeing too much of my friends and not having enough alone time. Not getting out of the house. Forgetting to exercise or take my meds or use my stimulator twice a day like I’m really supposed to.  Feeling sick. Feeling stressed. It can be any of these things or some combination or something i can’t remember right now. I had really hoped that adding the FW stimulator last year would prevent me having to do this ever again, but alas, no.

I should note though, that the brain stimulator has significantly improved my overall mental health state to the point that it has actually changed my life. Before I started using the stimulator, I was on two anti-depressants and still fighting bouts of depression and bad mental health every week. Last summer in particular, I had a really tough time and was experiencing bad mental health days almost every single day, which was what led me to order the stimulator. And I’m so glad I did, as these days, I maybe have one bad bout of depression every few months or so. I’m overall happier and better about focusing on things, I can talk about charged topics like money with my husband without snapping at him, and I have enough energy to really focus on my dreams and push toward them in a way that I really haven’t in years. If I hadn’t started using the stimulator, I really don’t think I would be calling myself an author at this point at all – I certainly wouldn’t have any lit mag publications or a self published ebook on Amazon.

But today, today is a bad mental health day. I’m not in any danger; really I’m not sure I’ve ever been any danger to myself. Bad mental health for me takes the form of a heavy burden on my brain, a shadow preventing me from thinking happy things or achieving all the things I want to achieve. It also used to take the form of rumination over mistakes from the past, constant self-recrimination, and fear of failure (so just covering the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, yeah?). And sure I still have those days sometimes, but they’re much more rare now and are rarely quite as bad as they used to be. I am able to get out of bed in the morning, I am able to work and be productive. I’m not quite able to write fiction when I’m having a bad health day, but I can pour out some blog posts, so that’s not the worst thing, right? At least that’s what I did.

As always, I’m happy to talk about my experience with depression, meds, or with the fisher wallace stimulator. Please reach out at rachael.dickzen@gmail.com if you have any questions!

Cat Character Inspiration

Just check out these cute faces! Many mannerisms of my cats Schrodinger and Ziggy Stardust and guest cat Martok have made their way into my stories so far! The cat in The Caterer ( who is unnamed but is often referred to as “My ladyship” or “the caterer”) definitely borrows a lot of mischief and cuddles from Martok in particular, as he loves to burrow into my hair just as she does to HER human in her story. 

Guest cat Martok! (He’s living with us until his owners live in a place where they can have cats)

Schrodinger 

Ziggy Stardust!  

My First Short Story eBook is up on Amazon!

Yesterday I published my first volume in Antiquicats: Felines of History on Amazon! I’m super excited about this. Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07T75WZ46

It’s currently priced at $2.99 so I can keep it in the Kindle Unlimited program; I’ll be offering some free promotions for it soon, but am still figuring out all the details of it. I also need to figure out how to format it for print, in case anyone would like a physical copy to hold. There’s a lot to learn with self-publishing and promotion! I’ll definitely share it here as soon as I’ve figured it out.

Doesn’t that cover look amazing? Erica Noorderrmeer designed it after seeing my own feeble cover design attempts in a arts and crafts Facebook group; I love it way too much!

I’ve started work on my next AntiquiCats story and hope to have it up in July! It mayyyy be about an ancient battle between the Persians and Egyptians. More news soon!

Adulting with ADD: How I've Adapted

I was first diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (and associated depression) as a junior in high school when I basically collapsed under all the stress I was under and the pressure I was putting on myself. As a 31-year-old lawyer, I still struggle with my ADD on a regular basis, but over the years, I’ve developed numerous strategies to adapt for my monkey brain.

• All tasks and commitments have to be put on my to-do list or my calendar, or it WILL be forgotten.

I used to keep my to-do list scribbled on the back of my hand in college. In law school, I graduated to using a notebook in an attempt to look more adult, but I was so very good at forgetting those notebooks in various places, that I finally just kept my to-do list on my phone. I have a massive to-do list in the Notes app that also includes other information I struggle to remember, such as the details of when my student loan payments and mortgage payment come out of my bank account. 

I also put every meeting, appointment, and rehearsal in my phone calendar as soon as I learn about it. Otherwise, it’s just way too easy for me to forget it.

While on the subject of financial obligations…..

• I automate all the payments I can. Any non-automated obligations are literally put in front of my computer so I can’t forget them and are paid ASAP.

In this day and age, we thankfully can automate almost everything. Our utility bills all automatically come out of our bank accounts. Our mortgage check sends out from our account automatically every month. It makes life so much simpler.

As we speak, I have a medical bill that I need to pay placed right in front of my work computer so I keep looking at it and remembering to deal with it. Once I pay a bill, I actually literally write ON the bill “Paid online on [date]” so I don’t think I need to pay it again.

• I plan ahead as much as I can.

It took me a startlingly long time to actually build the habit of taking my medicine every single morning. What finally worked for me was getting one of those organizers that holds a week’s worth of pills. 

I also keep all the belongings I use regularly in one place so that I always know where they are. My purse, wallet, keys? They live next to the coat rack in my house. If they go somewhere else, I’m in trouble.

• I use SO much technology.

Oh my gosh, my life has gotten so much easier with the advent of various forms of technology! 

- ZocDoc has changed my life, as I can actually make an appointment at any time of day or night just on a website without having to call someone or track down a doctor who takes my insurance.

- I use a website blocker on Chrome on my work computer to help block out distractions. I also have one on my iPhone, but I haven’t used that one as much lately because it just hasn’t been an issue. I do also turn my airplane mode on if I really need to concentrate.

- I’ve been using the app Habit Bull to remind me of specific things that need to be done daily, like water the plants, give my cat his medicine, etc. It also helps to remind me of various tasks that I KNOW will help with my chronic pain issues, like performing my neck stretches or using my massage machine on my back.

- I get reminders for everything. Email reminders on when my library books are due. Text reminders to pick up my prescriptions. I also use alerts on my phone which subtly remind me of upcoming commitments an hour or two before the actual time.

- When I’m writing, I use a white noise app on my phone and a timer to keep me on track. Just working in 15 minutes increments helps me SO MUCH. This is an offshoot of the Pomodoro time management method, which has also really worked for me in the past (there are numerous Pomodoro apps and websites out there that work well).

• I take the medicine when I need it.

I stopped taking ADD meds sometime in college (I frankly don’t remember when) and did not actually get back on it until about 1.5 years ago. Yes, that means I went through my first 6 years post-college and all of law school without ADD meds. Having a generally flexible schedule helped a lot with that. But after 9 or so months in my current job, I had to admit that I needed the meds to focus. A lot of my work is pretty repetitive, and I just needed it to keep going. I take it on work days and on weekends when I have a lot of work that requires focus. It significantly reduces the amount of stress in my life, as it just calms down the "SQUIRREL" moments in my mind a lot.

Comic from the brilliant XKCD. Used under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License. https://xkcd.com/1106/

I'm sure I'll write more about this soon, but that's what I've got for now!

If you have ADD, what do you use to manage your symptoms and accomplish your goals?