Gillian Dance's Blog

Ego is the biggest enemy of humans.

The Vedas, spiritual scriptures of ancient India, the oldest known Sanskrit literature. Brahma, the Hindu god of creation is accredited with bestowing the wisdom of the Vedas, though it is asserted that the texts themselves are authorless. I have recently been learning about David R. Hawkins' scale of consciousness Sir David R. Hawkins MD, Ph.D, 1927 - 2012, was an internationally renowned American teacher, psychiatrist, physician and author who presented spirituality as "scientifically compelling" to all societies today. The now widely used 'Map of Consciousness' was created to illustrate the various states of enlightenment and stages of awareness humans are at. From a level of 1-1000 Hawkins explained that spirituality is moving on from anger, guilt and such base negative emotions below a level of 200, towards such states as acceptance, trust and forgiveness between 200-500, but still states of the ego, still in a place concerning what WE think we know, what WE want, what WE feel, still very ego-based living. Finding love, rated from around 500 and leaving the ego behind, realising joy at around 600 and discovering peace from around 700. "...the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding," as the bible calls it in Philippians 4:7, which is what all humanity is truly thirsting for. This is a naturally empowered state and a place from which we feel free and trust life. Though Mr. Hawkins didn't ascribe to any particular religion, when I read this quote from the Vedas, "Ego is the biggest enemy of humans," the logic of it fell into place for me. Everything below 500 is all ego, living life from a purely selfish perspective, looking at what you can get, thinking about yourself all the time, about what you want and feel is such a lower state of being than leaving the ego and looking at your purpose for being here, looking at yourself as one with all of creation, taking responsibility for caring for humanity and nature and the planet, making sure to be kind all the time and thinking more about the needs of others before your own. It certainly seems to me the ideal state and one which would solve all the problems in the world if we all lived from such a higher place. To be sure I'm not anywhere near any of that myself, I just admire it deeply and that's a start. My mental stance has moved on a lot, now I'm in my forties I see the world very differently and am more open minded. I remember seeing the Hare Krishna from time to time in my youth, in their orange robes, with their bald heads and finding them frankly intimidating. Some of them would stop you on the street and try to hand people little booklets, but the very idea of shaving your head and dancing in public in orange robes was only peculiar to me as a teenager and in my early twenties and nothing could have sent me packing faster. Today I understand that it is a display of togetherness and joy. Krishna is a major deity in Hinduism. He is worshipped as the eighth avatar of the god Vishnu and also as the supreme God in his own right, the god of compassion, tenderness and love, the highest states of consciousness. The Hare Krishna, the popular name for the International Society of Krishna Consciousness (or ISKCON), are a fairly new religious movement based in Hinduism that was established in America in 1965, the Hare Krishna worship the Hindu god, Krishna, as the One Supreme God. The name 'Hare Krishna' originates from one of the chants that is a key part of the many forms of meditation and devotion integral to the religion: Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare; Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare. Hare Krishna, aside from their somewhat odd appearance, particularly on a high street in Western Europe, appear to be on the right track to me, because they are concerned with unification rather than division, kindness rather than war, peace rather than opinions. They draw inspiration from the texts of the Bhagavad Gītā and the Bhagavata Purana, viewed as the essence of the Vedas, the oldest scriptures in the world and a literal record of Krishna's words. Hare Krishna seek to align spirituality with science, to attain freedom free from anxiety and a state of pure, unending, blissful consciousness while still in this lifetime. We are not our bodies, we are not our minds, we are eternal, spirit souls and part of God, Krishna, the sustaining energy of all creation is viewed as one and the same God as Allah, Buddha and Jehovah-God. So they are not making themselves right and other wrong in the less peace-loving way that some other religions do. Images of Krishna are beautiful, gentle, colourful and often childlike and innocent, such as this one. Hare Krishna are vegetarian and peace-loving, perform all actions as offerings to Krishna and do nothing for their own gratification. While many aspects of their lifestyle seem extreme to the average Joe Bloggs, that is only because we are indeed self-obsessed for the large part and not wishing to own up to it. Ego is truly the biggest enemy of humanity!

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.

Paolo Coelho de Souza, Brazil, 1947 - present. Author, activist, spiritual influencer. Paolo Coelho is one of the most influential spiritual authors of our time. He has written many life changing books such as The Pilgrimage, The Way of the Bow, The Manual of the Warrior of Light and, most notably, The Alchemist, a fictitious account of a humble shepherd who feels there must be more to life and his travels to find his true purpose. This book contains many deep lessons on the meaning of life, the importance of following our hearts and the understanding of omens. Although Paolo Coelho was raised in a strict Catholic family and schooled by Jesuits, his writings appeal to any person who draws breath, regardless of what their religious affiliation may be. But this article isn't just intended to recommend Mr. Coelho's books, rather to plug the idea behind them, which is one that I have also come to believe and live by, by means of many wonderful authors and teachers along the road, such as Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, and other greats. These are all people who do not affiliate with any one religion, but do strongly believe in the supernatural and eternal something or someone; the energetic powers, laws and forces that govern our universe and even beyond. We are subject to these regardless of our understanding or knowledge of them, but those who recognise these scientific and essential truths come to find genuine peace. There is a comprehension of the purpose of life and the way not only to live it well, but to benefit ourselves and all around us to the best and genuinely be free of the needless stresses and worries that come from living life caught up in your head and body, and caught up in misguided reasoning and logic. There is only a little logic about science, about quantum physics, about nature, the largest part of experience is sheer wonder when you get into the minutiae of life. "Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own," spoke Coelho. Well he knows this because his own parents wanted him to follow a respectable career path, such as engineering as his father had done, and not become a writer. In fact, they were so concerned about this that they had him committed to a mental institution where he spent some three years of his youth before relenting to study law in accordance with his family's wishes. So Mr. Coelho knows what it is to suffer for your passions and to deny your true calling. In time though it became impossible for him to contiunue and he quit his studies, defying his family and travelled extensively. Mr. Coelho's tribulations did not stop at spending his prime in a lunatic asylum. Initially writing song lyrics for the successful artists of the 60's and 70's who dabbled in occult and drugs led to Paolo being arrested by the militant government, once back home in Brazil, for his association with such alternative and anti-establishment types. Three times arrested, detained and once tortured. So when we read the deep and inspiring works of such a person, it is backed up by the experience of suffering and of living life against your own instincts as well as the brave break to follow your own heart at all costs. That's why Coelho can talk about overcoming the fear of failure to achieve his dreams and the sincerity that is required and the definiteness of purpose to continue pursuing a dream despite the strongest fears of not accomplishing anything but ruin. I understood from reading his work that he strongly believes we are all created unique and with a calling and that resonates with me, as Mr. Coelho says himself: "It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting."

There is little success where there is little laughter

The great Andrew Carnegie, Scottish-born, American businessman, philanthropist and mentor. Founder of Carnegie Steel Company, Carnegie Institution for Science, Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, and many more successful companies; 1835 - 1919 Andrew Carnegie is one of the most successful businessmen of all time, certainly of the previous century, before the modern internet conquerors such as Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos. Carnegie inspired many businessmen and writers in his day to achieve the same success that he had found and to use it to do good in the world. To read such a simple statement from such a great man who achieved so very much is inspiring. It brings us back to a basic truth we are often confronted with: We can look for reasons to laugh or we can look for reasons to cry; we can curse our troubles or we can count our blessings. What you focus your thinking and feeling on tends to cement into the pathway your life will take. Laughter Clubs Laughter increases our levels of positive brain chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine. Today there are many people who realise that fact and who are starting a new trend, that of the laughter club. Whether it be laughter meet-ups or laughter yoga, there is a laughter group near you, where you can go and meet people who come from all walks of life, any culture, background or age group, who want to get together and laugh, regardless of their circumstances. Nothing makes you feel great like laughter does. A day without laughter is a day wasted - Charlie Chaplin, English television actor, director, screen-writer, 1889 - 1977 We need more kindness, more joy, more compassion, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that - Ellen DeGeneres. American comedienne and author, 1958 - Present Just looking at a smiley face can brighten your spirit in a dark moment, is there anyone in the world that does not like to laugh? Most of us love to watch a good comedy film or series, or stand-up comedian to induce ourselves to laughter and to share laughter in that way with our friends and partners is even better. Laughter has been scientifically proven to strengthen friendships and relationships, as well as to improve not only our mental health, but our physical health, toning up the inner organs of our body much in the same way that exercise tones up our muscles. The Human Race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter - Mark Twain, American journalist and author, 1835 - 1910 Laughter trumps money and power and all forms of reasoning. Laughter cements good times, enhances memory, increases joy, wipes out anger and tears and can break up a fight mid-way and cause people to look at the absurdity of it and see the funny side, causing people to take everything a little less seriously. Laughter brings people together no matter who they are or how different they are to one another, it connects us. Couples who laugh a lot together stay together. Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face - Victor Hugo, French poet and novelist, 1802 - 1885 After having a good chuckle the body muscles are more relaxed and remain so for some time afterwards. If you were to laugh often enough every day you would automatically be free of those general aches and pains! Laughter is clinically proven to reduce stress and combat depression. There have been numerous instances of people healing serious conditions such as cancer with laughter therapy, rejecting traditional treatments in its favour. This is because laughter is proven to boost the body's immune response and increase the production of the white blood cells that combat foreign bacteria, cancer and viruses. Laughter truly is the best medicine. So forget everything else, stressing and struggling and worrying, and find a way to look at the light side, it totally helps more than just superficially! To start laughing now, have a look at https://www.worldlaughtertour.com/ What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul - Yiddish proverb

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: Give your best anyway

Mother Teresa - born Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu, Kosovo Vilayet (now part of Northern Macedonia) 1910 - 1997 Named in the Roman Catholic religion as Mother Teresa, after she moved to Ireland at the age of eighteen to join a convent there, Mother Teresa learned the English language and, one year later, moved to a convent in India to further her training and take her vows, as well as undergoing some basic medical education. From the age of fifteen she is said to have wanted to be a missionary. This famous and devout lady founded a number of charities and spent her life doing good works for the poor and disadvantaged, without thought for her own wealth or comfort. She was canonised as a Saint in the Roman Catholic church and honoured during her lifetime with various peace prizes, some in the Hindu religion worship her as a goddess. When I was growing up Mother Teresa was frequently featured in the nightly news. Although some of Mother Teresa's views were controversial, in particular to the modern, often less religiously-rigid world, such as her anti-abortion stance, her life of devoted service was noted around the world, as well as the joy and peace with which she served and motivated others. Mother Teresa once said, "If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies: Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank people will try to cheat you: Be honest anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight: Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous of you: Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten by tomorrow: Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: Give your best anyway." After Mother Teresa left her mother and sister in Albania as a teenager, her father had died when she was eight years old, she never returned or saw them again, she never took another thought for herself. For most of us such a life is unthinkable, we are busy chasing love or wealth or pleasurable past-times. While some might say that it is easy for those such as Mother Teresa or The Peace Pilgrim or even Gandhi to 'opt out' of society, in the same way that some join the services or other religious organisations and never quite fully stand on their own, the chosen path of Mother Teresa was a hard one, she enjoyed no luxuries and endured much suffering and abuse herself on her life's journey. Most notably it is said that when Mother Teresa was invited to peace rallies she refused to attend, which perplexed many seeing as she was such a figurehead for peace, but Mother Teresa explained that if there was a peace rally she would attend. Her reason for this is the energy at such events, when there is a rally against war, there is frequently much shouting and sometimes outbreaks of chaos and violence occur because the whole energy of the movement is about being against war and what happens is that there is much animosity and tension there. When there is a rally or a march for peace, the participants have their thoughts set on peace, not war, they want to portray peace, keep peace and advertise peace, the goodness and rightness of peace rather than the negative energy of the horror and evil of war. The focus is on good and peace, not injustice and cruelty. It is very often the case in life, that when we focus on what we don't want we get more of it, whereas when we focus on what we actually want we get more of that. We must be sure to strive towards what we desire, rather than struggling to shed what we don't want. It seems like a trifling difference, but the energy we generate around those sentiments are polar opposites. In the first instance we are emotionally bound up with a problem or negative issue, in the second instance we are emotionally connected with a positive outcome or goal, focussed on what we desire rather than fixating on what we despise. I love what Mother Teresa lived by, that if she was criticised or discouraged by others she shrugged it off, that if her success was resented or her kindness she showed it anyway, and if people were jealous of her peace and happiness, she did not allow it to be diminished. If no one notices any good we do, it should not be a reason not to do it, neither to build towards a future for fear that it may fall apart or fail. Mother Teresa's whole life was focussed on what is good and positive and she moved towards it and gave her very best, as she advised others to do.

Begin to believe in the truth of life

Joseph Murphy - Author. Irish born, naturalised American, ordained minister of new thought and divine science 1898 - 1981 I tell you the truth, if someone says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Mark 11:23 NETBible I like this scripture because it can be applied not only to faith in human attainment or healing, but also to the reconciliation of people and cultures and the abolition of separatism in religion, which seems to be more in line with who Jesus was as a representative of love and light and any loving God. Joseph Murphy is the author of dozens of intensely wise books, among which my favourite, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. While I am quoting the bible above, a passage that Murphy liked to quote, believing that it is done to us according to our faith, Joseph Murphy spent much of his life studying eastern religions and quoted freely from the wisdom of many spiritual scriptures. Murphy did not adhere to one particular religion, but amassed knowledge of them all and remained open minded and non-judgemental. Life Murphy was raised a Roman Catholic, joined 'the Jesuits' in his twenties, who are the members of a Roman Catholic offshoot called 'The Society of Jesus' specifically engaged in evangelisation and ministry, and was then ordained in the priesthood. It was the experience of a miraculous healing that toppled Murphy's faith in the Catholic church alone and caused him to emigrate to America where he joined The Church of Divine Science and proceeded to study other religions and cultures in depth, as well as to earn a degree in psychology (in addition to the degree he had already attained in his youth in Chemistry - his profession.) Murphy was a regular speaker at his church, founded and spoke at a number of other large churches, and also hosted a popular radio show for many years, propounding and backing up the premise upon which he based all his talks and books: The Power is within you. Murphy insisted that we are the products of our own beliefs. Though he was highly qualified, scientifically-minded and knowledgable, he used easy to comprehend analogies for the public, such as that we are the captain of our ship, our mind. The captain being the conscious mind issuing orders, via thought, images and feeling, and the workers in the engine-room being the subconscious mind (as well as your environment) obediently accepting and carrying out orders from their station where they have no knowledge of where the ship is on the waters. The captain relies faithfully on their skill, qualifications and trusts in them, he does not try to take the controls from them. In this way when we turn something over to the subconscious mind, ie. by prayer or visualisation, while we proceed to carry out the captain's duties, we must have faith that the subconscious (in connection with the divine) faithfully will operate according to its nature, which is to realise the thoughts and images we feed it. Murphy said, “Your subconscious mind works twenty-four hours per day, pouring all the fruit of your habitual thinking into your lap.” Another analogy that is regularly used and possibly originated with Murphy is that we are gardeners, our thoughts planted consciously or not into our subconscious mind, that which takes up 95% of our mind. Like seeds that are nurtured and nourished, our habitual daily thinking grows into the harvest of health and wealth, or absence of it, that we experience/ reap in the garden of our lives. This has been proven by many scientific researchers in recent days such as Lynne McTaggart and Dr. Joe Dispenza, for example in how the synapses in our brains make physical connections along which neurons, activated by thought, travel, as well as how these biological neurological pathways are strengthened by frequent thought patterns and abolished by refraining from particular thought patterns. Like Murphy I believe that spirituality is a journey of awakening, of re-education, of becoming aware of our conditioning and breaking free of it. Recognising that spirituality consciousness and the pursuit of the divine does not need to be tied to one religion, or need to be sought or acted upon in a way that labels, excludes others, spreads discord or proclaims condemnation. Belief is always an individual experience, knowing there is more out there and wanting to know what it is, accepting ancient wisdom but not creating boundaries to new learning and input. Always remaining open to new possibilities, not demonising or derogating other people groups, but seeking togetherness, inclusivity and unity of all peoples. I am right and you are wrong. This is my belief, that is your belief, thus we are different. Murphy wanted not only to enlighten but to unite the world through his work. There is no call for argument over conflicting beliefs, we are all at different stages of learning and awakening on our own journeys. Life remains a gift. Only the human ego, the erroneous conscious thought, sticks hard and unbendingly to divisive and judgemental opinions. Let there be no comparison, no separation.

An excerpt from my next book, Abandoned

I peer around the door, Pru is sitting in a worn, desk chair, trying to brush the life back into her thick, greasy hair. The baby is lying on the concrete floor sucking peacefully on a dummy of sorts. I’m in the mood for a chat. “He’s coming,” she says, looking up from the touchphone she somehow manages to keep in operation. “Hurry,” she presses me, waving me to come in, turning off the kerosene lamp and plunging herself and Baby behind the chair, “get that blanket there ready or find a place to hide.” “Who’s coming?” I ask, trying not to be influenced by her sudden anxiety. “It’s Jase,” she whispers, “please stay with me.” Jase? Shit. I am one of numerous women he has preyed on. Better known by his nickname, “Sixer”, he’s a nutter, six feet six tall and lines his pockets by pushing six-inch screws into his huge nostrils while standing on occupied tables in reputable eateries, laughingly terrifies the tightest patrons into shoving their cash at him. He’s violent, dangerous and void of a conscience, it isn’t only me that draws the correlation between Sixer and the number of The Beast. I creep back into the hallway, thinking fast, and blow out the candles, trying not to make too much sound as my feet crunch over the debris. Some of the junkies here are terrified of their own shadows, but Pru isn’t one of them, she’s clean and sane. I consider going back to my room but there’ll be no time now and I should definitely help to protect Pru and her little one, alone and vulnerable here in the farthest reaches of the building. I go back into her room, she starts as I enter. I try to look confident and calm, while not understanding the nature of her contact with Jase, experience has taught me to know when to save questions for later. I look for a place to hide, there’s nothing but a small chest. “Do you want to put Baby in there?” I suggest, testing it, pulling out the middle shelf to create space. “No!” She shudders visibly at the thought of separation. I try to pull the door to, but it sticks halfway. “Leave it,” Pru urges, as the baby starts to fret, picking up on the tension in her mother. We have nothing to our advantage, there are no windows or exits anywhere close by, we’re at the end of a dark, narrow basement. I feel at my favourite flick-knife in my inner pocket, she has all the colours of the rainbow on her steely blade, transfer her to the inside of my sleeve-cuff. Then I shake out the neatly pressed and folded blanket from the Salvation Army, its flowery-scented detergent absurd in this musty place, its mottled colours settle over us. Pru pulls it across to cover Baby completely, holding it up so that it doesn’t smother her. I hang on to my end, try to tuck it around me. We huddle closer together in the corner, I wrap my left arm around Pru’s right knee and squeeze hard, wanting to close down the space as well as provide some reassurance. It feels like an appropriate thing to do, even though we barely know each other, we’ve just been making friends these last three weeks since she appeared here. I helped Gregor persuade the lads to let her stay, it’s so good to have another girl around again. Heavy footfalls grind along the corridor, my heartbeat thunders in my ears, Pru pulls Baby in close and I squeeze her leg harder, trying to remind her to keep still. We seem pathetically reduced to child-like cowardice, I think as I recall hiding in cupboards from my father this way, reminding myself I have more power now. I caress Rosie, she has a white rose engraved on her hilt, my thumb follows it up to the front quillion. The door creaks and swings fully open. Is he looking at us? Does he see us? Can he hear our breathing? Should I step out in front so that Pru can protect Baby? Would I sacrifice myself for them? I still have so many dreams… The tip of the blanket is raised, we have been discovered, of course we have. I leap up, shaking Rosie free and brandishing her in front of me, her blade is only three inches, but it’s enough. As Sixer drunkenly makes a grab at Rosie she penetrates the palm of his hand, in and out, so smooth, so easy. He’s yelping and crying like a baby, but it won’t be long before that turns to rage. “Run!” I hiss at Pru, who is still peeking from the blanket and she does so, clutching Baby to her. I am bringing up the rear. Only a novice to this life could have created such a remote and defenceless situation. We reach the top of the stairs where Adrian and Alex are coming in through a broken window we use as a back entrance, they’re young, uncorrupted, misplaced here. Close behind are Stuart, a former nurse, who’ll steal anything from anyone including his own, and his brother Mad Marvin, who carries a loaded gun. Pru runs towards them all, a stream of incoherent babble falling from her lips and sweet, blond Alex begins to calm her. I take the opportunity to disassociate myself, duck outside and keep running. I mustn’t stop now. There are numerous people living in different parts of this squat, a vast, disused bus depot. I share with Danny, with the pet owl, and his dog, Brandy, and Speedy Gregor, who is little more than my age, somewhat schizo and drastically underweight from all the amphetamines he takes to overcome his nerves and supress his hunger. Howie, the heroin addict, is on the same floor as us with Baldy Brian, who keeps telling stories of ghosts he sees here, but he’s always stoned on lighter fluid. Howie always used to look normal but lately appears dangerously drawn. I hadn’t realised why until one night when I was in Howie’s room for a smoke with Gregor, who brought me here, we’ve known each other a few years. This is our third squat together, with gaps between when he’s been off travelling, but I know quite a number of the other lads here too, we’re all on the same circuit so to speak. In our town the homeless are formed into a number of cliques, changing only by deaths, (generally by grotesque accident, overdose or suicide) and those with itchy feet or sufficiently on the wrong side of some person or else the law to prefer to keep moving about the country, and the reliably constant influx of new, lost teenagers. Without so much as asking if we minded, Howie had pulled the belt out of his trousers, and I was able to see, as he lifted his shirt, that they were way too large for him, or rather he had become too thin for them. Before I could wonder any farther, fearing that he was undressing, he had wrapped the belt around his arm, just in front of his elbow, and pushed a needle into his paper-white skin, I saw all the red scratches there on his arm. How naïve of me to have thought that Howie wouldn’t succumb to what the others were doing, just because he has a day job on the market. He fell back onto the yellowy mattress and lay passed out across me with a weird smile on his face. Gregor had pulled me free. He comes from a family with six children up north and having had younger sisters makes him big-brotherly around the young girls. Gregor is totally anti hard-drugs, always warning the latest impressionable youngsters against them with horror stories of what he’s seen. I pass the old gutted buses in the main forecourt, there were some cats nesting and breeding in one of them last spring. They were doing all right, some of them looked old, but they were affectionate, their hair stood up stiffly and they moulted excessively, skeletal figures, but others were still young and feisty. A bunch of us named them all individually and fed and cared for them, nursed them into good health, they brought out the best in us. Sixer massacred the lot of them when he came, to make a point I guess. Danny is staggering up the main road, he wants to take Brandy out for her late walk, but his legs aren’t what they used to be, even though he can’t be much more than fifty, he has been up and down the country on those same pins for decades, rain or shine. “Why don’t you go back in Dan?” I offer, stroking Brandy under her chin as she greets me waggily. I shake my coat pocket so he can hear a load of loose change rattle, it’s from my dole money. Danny can’t sign on anymore but he gets baccy, cider and other things by alternative means, which he shares with me. “I’ll go to the chippie,” I wink with promise, Danny is a good guy. His brown eyes light up and he hands me Brandy’s rope. I pat my thigh so that she follows me. I let her go in the city park, take a gentle stroll to recover my composure after the panic. The anger, the hurt, it can overwhelm me if it gets the space to claw its way back. Darkness is falling, I hear the sound of explosions and look over a decorative wall to see three large fireballs rise and fill the sky. It must be Guy Fawkes, is it that late in the year already? I never know these days. As I take a bench to admire the colours, an older couple gets up to leave with an unsubtle “Tsk”. Am I so obnoxious a vagrant? Too scraggy to be near? I am learning not to take it personally. I relax into the atmosphere of the late autumn evening, make myself a roll-up and ask a group of youngsters along the wall for a light. Clusters of burning fagots are thrust rudely up towards my face, close enough to burn. There is no place to put my hand on one because they’re flaming from top to near bottom. Being homeless elicits these sorts of reactions, there’s no way to conceal my shabbiness and I know I’m far from fragrant. What I wouldn’t give for a shower and some fresh, properly fitting clothes. I feel so dirty and humiliated among all the students and hipsters. The cigarette is between my lips but I daren’t put my face close, they’re laughing and there’s no telling what they might do, ignorance can make people cruel. I lower my eyes, put it back in my pocket for later, hope it won’t fall apart. Brandy comes to me, alarmed by all the gunpowder cracks and bangs. I loop the rope over her neck and she instantly pulls us away. I excuse myself as though it can’t be helped, but I’m grateful to go. Brandy is scared, pulling harder and faster, her nervous disposition and her wiry body betray something of a sight hound, though her colours and ears look Alsatian. She is strong and fast and we stumble down the broad stone steps to the main street. We’ll pass Finn’s, he loves dogs, he always gives me a special deal, I’ll get chips for Danny, Gregor and me and fish for Brandy. As we turn the corner, Brandy wraps her rope lead around a wide pillar and I am attempting to untangle her when Sixer accosts me. There is a predictable limit to the places we go outside of the summer weeks. He is already poking at me, pulling at the material of my coat, jabbing tauntingly at my ribs and stomach with a broken bottle. His left hand, tightly bandaged in an old sock, takes a firm hold of my only free arm, I push back at him with my knees shouting, “Get lost you shit!” He looks like a good boy with his springy, brown curls, so long as your gaze doesn’t meet with those soulless eyes, apparently he emptied his shame on his own flesh and blood before he came to our town. But he is gripping me painfully and if I let go of Brandy’s lead I will lose her, she’s mad with panic. Sixer is just a lad but I am barely a woman and not nearly as tall as he is. I feel the fear threatening to freeze me, I think this time he will kill me before he’s done. Despairingly I consider letting Brandy go, then in a jiffy I become aware that Sixer’s hold on my right wrist has loosened, his wound must be hurting him. As the fear momentarily releases me with him, in a burst of clarity I recall Gregor’s advice when he first admired Rosie, “In every situation decide: The throat or the foot. Kill or immobilise.” It seemed so dramatic at the time. With furious determination I wrench my wrist free and shake Rosie out. I won’t be a killer. Dropping to the ground I drive her full force and mercilessly through his boot. Sixer lands on his rump, his screams are drawing attention too late, this time she is harder to retract, but I need her with me, I stamp my trainer down on his ankle to free her. I run around the pillar to release poor, snarling Brandy, glad that she was protected there from Sixer’s malevolence, and allow her once again to drag me away. Police sirens approach and we crouch breathless in the porch of a lighted house nearby to hide and see if Sixer might follow, but he’s being taken by the Fuzz. He’s done time before, they’ve got the measure of him and they won’t let him back out tonight. Back at the bus station I feel my legs start to tremble and give way as, exposed, I take the last steps across the open interior in the moonlight, through the smell of urine and excrement, to our room at the far end of the first floor. Gregor is on his mattress on the left, snivelling, Danny’s mattress is on the right, where he sits tending to Olly, on his shoulder. Brandy collapses on my bed at the back, by the filing cabinet. I step over the candle, burning in the centre of the floor in an old milk bottle, and give her her fish straight away, which she relishes. My mattress was nicked, but I have two sleeping bags on top of each other. “What’s up with Gregor?” I whisper to Danny, as I hand him his portion of chips. “Howie’s dead,” Danny sighs, looking me up and down, taking in my ripped coat and bloodied hands. “Marvin made him and Brian carry him out to the ditches, we couldn’t have Old Bill in here.” I feel like the strain of this lifestyle is aging me by a year a week. “Such a gentle soul,” I reflect. We all saw it coming, it was like a slow suicide, there couldn’t have been another outcome. Most of us have pathetic stories to tell, nothing to live for, no families, no expectations. All of us are running or hiding, even if we don’t know it yet, from people, from hurts, responsibilities, even ourselves, and it is the simple pleasures we find where we can that brighten our days, ease the pain, but maybe the rich people with flats and hot showers feel that as well. “I have to leave in the morning,” I announce. “What happened?” Danny asks, shakily pouring some cider into an old polystyrene cup for me. I sit down beside Gregor and he takes his chips, visibly picking up, but looking at me with concern. “Sixer,” Gregor tells him simply on my behalf, “he was out for her blood this afternoon.” News always travels fast around the squat and I know they will have been filled in on Sixer’s visit to Pru earlier. “Where’s Pru now?” I ask. “She’s in with Eastbourne-John and Stuart,” Gregor says. John is a plump, geeky travelling-type and Stuart is another heroin junkie, a stinking hippie with toenails too long for proper shoes even if he could lay his hands on some, but wouldn’t harm a flea; I’d say he’s not far behind Howie. I know John will make himself responsible for the well-being of Pru and her baby, he’s that type, even if it drives her to distraction. She needs to learn to trust someone, in this environment it’s not safe to be a loner. “I’ll leave first thing,” I say, “I won’t bother with goodbyes,” it’s not done here, people come and go all the time for their own reasons, no questions asked. “Where will you head?” Gregor asks, “Bristol, Clacton, Liverpool?” Gregor knows people in many places. I haven’t a thought. Gregor sees it, “Go to Liverpool,” he advises, “Eddie’s there just now, he’ll watch out for you.” Gregor and I shared a room in a London factory with Eddie before, a Caribbean fella in his forties, likes a reefa but totally sober and decent. “You come back as soon as the dust settles,” Danny urges, “till then keep Brandy, she’s better off with you.” I thank him profusely but he is already nodding off, drunk. I look at Gregor, “Do you think he means that?” I ask hopefully. Gregor nods, “Be careful Squirt, okay?” He turns around to face the wall. I know he is suffering, doesn’t want me to see. Tears of relief well in my eyes, mixed with sadness and exhaustion, at least I won’t be alone. I pat Gregor on the knee, I know what people mean when they say someone is like a brother to them, and wander over to my dog, Brandy is already in dream world and I collapse alongside her. We have quite some days of long walks ahead of us.

The Fourth Dimension

Four dimensional Euclidean reality, in which everything is one: spirit, matter, space and time and all dimensions are identical Religionists are thrown upon the mercy and goodwill of God, if they want or need something they must get down on their knees and ask him, "Would you do that please? Could I have this please?" Supplication, it’s called. It means they are at the mercy of a God who may or may not grant their wishes, as history has shown. Some Christians, such as the ones I talk about in my book, The Ultimate Religion, dare to believe and stand upon certain scriptures: Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews11:1 The Bible Muslims too believe that they must pray and fulfil certain of God's requirements: Surely they who believe and do good deeds and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate they shall have their reward from their Lord, and they shall have no fear, nor shall they grieve. The Cow 2.277 The Koran These scriptures and many others originated from mystics who understood and spoke of the fourth dimension. Four dimensional Euclidean reality, in which everything is one; spirit, matter, space and time and all dimensions are identical. It is in this fourth dimension that prayers are answered. Quantum science has proven that the conscious mind is only 5% of our total mind, the other 95% is in the subconscious. We do not by any means operate at our full potential, we are too restricted by what we see and feel, the senses. The fourth dimension is beyond our human senses, beyond space and time, the fourth dimension is where space and time come from, where they were created. From the image shown here you can see a mathematical suggestion of a physical representation of the fourth dimension, however, this is typical of humanity to want to create a representation for something that is outside of its understanding. The fourth dimension is outside of space, it cannot be spacially represented. We focus in our conscious minds on the things we have experienced and felt in the past and the conclusions we have drawn from those. The programs of thinking and feeling we have are what were subsequently created for ourselves subconsciously. The personal mould of ego and identity that we live in, the mind that we rely on is not the all-knowing, but our ego tells us otherwise. The fourth dimension is the quantum field, what some believe to be the divine, God, but it is also the divine part of us, the creator part of us, the inspired part of us, the all-knowing part of us, though it is connected to us through our sub-conscious, so that we ourselves are not all-knowing, but can receive inspiration from it. Christians like to say that it is the holy spirit of God dwelling in us (to relate it to one form of religion), but the fourth dimension is where religion and science meet, for it is that part of us which is connected with the quantum field. This 'field' that we are all connected to, man, bird, beast and plant, is the field of infinite possibilities, the place of unlimited universal abundance. Time We are made up for almost 99% of atoms, one of which is illustrated here on the right. An atom is made up of sub-atomic particles, or electrons, which have no components or sub-structure. Thus we are made of energy, not solid matter. It is asserted that if we were compressed down to our matter we would take up less than a cubic centimetre. That's why scientists agree that we are made of stardust, it's not just a catchy, spacy thing to say, it's not science fiction, it's science fact. 97% of our make-up is identical to the atoms that make up galaxies such as The Milky Way and Andromeda, shown in the picture below. Quantum scientists today still agree with Einstein's findings of a century ago, not only with this truth about atoms, but on that other truth about time, that it doesn’t really exist, that it is not linear, but everywhere at once and nowhere. Time is not linear, we only experience it that way because we are three dimensional, in the fourth dimension there is only one eternal now, you could say that time does not exist at all, therefore all possibilities and outcomes of all things that ever were and ever will be exist at once now. You can connect with them in the fourth dimension by means of meditation, in prayer or by changing to an alpha state of mind and make any reality you choose manifest. That is the true science behind 'miracles', some of which I wrote about in my book, The Ultimate Religion. The Quantum Field So think of your mind, the mind that you think of as you, and that little 5% of your consciousness that is known to you, as the tip of a mountain. Now think of your subconscious mind, that which doesn’t consciously think but that responds to commands from your brain and heart and operates your body, as the rest of the mountain. The subconscious mind breathes you, functions your cells and files away your dormant memories, for example, it also creates those automated responses in you. Imagine if you like, for clarity, that the tip of the mountain is visible and the rest of the mountain is under the sea. Now think of how that mountain is simply connected to the earth, is a part of the earth and the next mountain alongside you is connected to that same earth and so on. In this analogy the earth (that is the ground) represents the quantum field and it is made of the same as you (the mountain) are made of and the same as the next mountain is made of, it is all one. We are like puppets to our subconscious, it operates us and we don’t know what’s in it any more, just that we feel what we feel and we accept the thoughts and feelings that come to us largely on auto-pilot without correcting or changing them and often without even knowing what they are. It is possible for a person to go through a day thinking complaining thoughts about something and not even be aware at the end of the day that they only had moany thoughts and then they wonder why they feel gloomy or depressed. Try going through a day consciously thinking grateful thoughts, for example, and you will see how incredibly your spirits are lifted throughout the day and by bedtime you will be hunting for more and more things to say thanks for and feeling lifted up and elated. That is why every religion you read about advocates giving thanks so much, it is not because there is some God who needs his ego soothed and built up all the time, it is because it is the healthiest state for our minds to be in while active. Then at rest we should strive to enter the fourth dimension and so we become one with the universe and one with our desires. The author Joseph Murphy wrote in his book The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, that the subconscious mind is like the engine room of a great ship and the conscious mind is the captain at the helm, so take back control and be the one giving the orders! Another analogy Murphy used was that of a garden, our thoughts are the seeds we habitually plant in the garden of our subconscious, so take care each moment of your habitual thoughts and feelings and your life will become a garden of coloured flowers rather than overgrown with the old weeds of your out of control, repeated, rampant old thoughts and ideas! You reap what you sow. It is said there are only two states of being, all emotions fall into the category of either love, which is the state of faith, or fear which stems from a state of anxiety and disconnection from the source.

Your mind is a powerful thing. When you filter it with positive thoughts your life will change.

The Buddha, 600BC, Nepal I already looked a little into Buddhism in a previous blog, Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most. I am not a Buddhist myself, I don't agree with all the beliefs, such as that the mind is separate from the body. Science today is proving that the body and mind are one, that they are so connected that what we think and feel directly influences the body, but there is some profound wisdom and truth in many of Buddha's teachings. Anyway I prefer not to ascribe myself to any faith in particular, after having been too narrow-minded in the past, but when I read a statement like this one I know it is a significant teaching and it is also one that I have implemented and found to be highly effective. Sensual Indulgences Born into royalty, Buddha was someone who had experienced riches, denounced that, but to teach denunciation to all people, that we should cast aside wealth and pleasures of the flesh, or to claim that to live is to suffer, I don’t believe that. I believe there is a divine creator, that this beautiful world was made for us to enjoy and cherish. The stunning nature we see and the art that gifted people create to honour that, the delicious food we can make from nature, the natural love we can give and share, not to engage in so called 'sensual indulgences' but neither to cast aside genuine love and partnership, good divine provision and other worthy gifts. Certainly wealth, not just finances but of all kinds, is something that we should share generously when we are gifted with it, not hoard for ourselves and wallow in excess while turning our eyes away from the suffering of others, but not cast aside either in false humility or ingratitude of what the universe/ the divine has provided. Negativity I have been the person who dwells on all the negative, wallows in self-pity, feels hard done by, justified in complaints, but negative thoughts are a downward spiral. The black cloud is a thief. They say, 'gratitude is the source of joy', and what is gratitude but a positive frame of mind. Not simply thankfulness for blessings, although counting your blessings is the very least one should do. I am grateful that I woke up today, that I get to live and breathe, that my lungs function as they do, that all my body functions without my conscious direction, that my legs function as they do, my eyes, my ears, for food and shelter, for friends... We can’t take everything for granted. Sometimes life is hard, really hard, and the last thing people want to hear is do goody twaddle about looking on the bright side or seeing the good in everything, but the truth is, it is taking the easy way out to wallow in your anger or allow yourself to be the victim, giving away your part in a situation, pretending you have no control and are just being blown around in the breeze. You can take control of your life by choosing how you react to situations, what your following steps will be and adopting a better attitude. It might seem a little more like hard work than just allowing every feeling to wash over you and lay claim to you, but it pays truly and the more you look at the good in every thing the more good comes your way, bit by bit, because you see it and you create it. As Buddha said, judge beliefs by trying and testing them for yourself. Buddhists teach that the solutions to our problems are on the inside not on the outside and Buddha himself asked his followers not to just blindly take on his teachings as true without testing them for themselves. Yet there are so many Buddhists today, thousands of years on, that clearly his teachings have stood the test of time, been proven true and effective for many and his name is known globally. Dr. Joe Dispenza is a well-known expert in mind over matter and has done much scientific research into how the brain works, too complex for me to begin to explain, but for those who are interested in delving deeper into the power of 'positivity' I highly recommend the following link: Making Your Mind Matter. According to Dr. Dispenza, how you think and how you feel is your state of being, which we all know to be correct of course, but you have the power to determine your thoughts and feelings. Rather than allowing your subconscious mind, which is 95% of your mind, to drive you every day to places you don't want to go, use your conscious mind to influence your subconsious, feed it consistently with new thoughts and feelings, and with repetition it will take those on. Not only so, the connection between your subconscious and the divine will cause new and better circumstances to be created as a result of what you are telling it! Click here for a free copy of the book Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, a novel about the journey of self-discovery of a man named Siddhartha during the time of Buddha. For more on Dr. Joe Dispenza click here: https://drjoedispenza.com "He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart, will one day realize it... Buddha beheld the vision of a spiritual world of stainless beauty and perfect peace, and he entered into it." From As a Man Thinketh by James Allen.

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men...It's a dare... Impossible is potential...

Muhammad Ali 1942 - 2016, born Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr. in Louisville, Kentucky, USA. Professional boxer, activist and philanthropist. Named after his father and raised in a traditional working class family, the great Ali began boxing at the age of twelve and quickly showed promise. As we know and admire the man who defeated every top heavyweight in his era, those who know the sport know that while stamina is crucial, it is not just a case of physical strength, since anyway the fighters are classed into weight categories, neither is it just about agility. Every boxer has his own style, be that ducking and diving, bobbing and weaving, dodging and wearing your opponent out, or putting on relentless pressure, raining on the blows and denying them a look in, or confounding by expertly executing dazzling combinations. Boxing, like many sports is psychological, and Ali was a master of that, rhyming and trash-talking and intimidating from the moment he entered the ring, and long before! Ali had a mindset that he intended to win, indeed that he was the winner, even before he started a fight, and he believed that, not because of superior strength or fitness, but because of self-belief he was invincible. He won his first Olympic gold medal already at age eighteen, became the world heavyweight champion at just age twenty-two. Ali once said, "Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing." Religion Clay senior was a Methodist Christian, though he allowed his sons to be raised Baptist, but Ali/ Clay Jr. converted to Islam at a young age, in 1961, and subsequently changed his name to reflect that faith which he held to until his death. He adhered to Sunni Islam, the most mainstream and popular denomination of the Muslim faith, in which the prophet Muhammad is regarded as the messenger of God and the holy scriptures of the Qu'ran are taken as the complete and finished word of God. With a strong ancestry of activism and coming from slavery, Ali too was opinionated and outspoken and a supporter of racial integration and racial pride movements for African-Americans. A Conscientious Objector to the Vietnam war, meant he was stripped of his boxing licence. After the war Ali was soon reinstated, came back right on form and rocketed up to the top of his sport. Ali did not lead a model life in everyone's eyes, having four marriages in total and a number of extra marital affairs, also resulting in children. Additionally he was embroiled in a sexual assualt lawsuit, but he supported his wives and children and adhered closely to his religious beliefs. He requested strict religious compliance of his wives, with regards to dress and the like and had not only strong but extreme religious views, which you can read in more depth here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religio... He was a believer in Sufism, which is a mystic form of Islam that, while being quite fundamental in it's foundational views, supports universalism rather than separatism, promotes selflessness, and the view that to hurt any other human is to hurt yourself and to hurt all of mankind. Ali was honored with the annual Martin Luther King Award in 1970 and was praised for being, "a champion of justice and peace and unity" also for abstaining from fighting in the Vietnam War. He was a humanitarian and philanthropist, keen to give charitably and speak out for causes close to his heart. In his amazing roller-coaster life-time he met numerous presidents and strove for rightness in the world and to make a difference wherever he could with the command that he respected, bridging religions and races and nations. He travelled to meet Saddam Hussein before the Gulf War securing the release of American hostages, and journeyed to Afghansitan as a 'messenger of peace' in 2002. Ali was a devoted pacifist. Parkinson's Disease was the ultimate cause of his death, while he lived with it for many years and refused to stop his activism, he additonally campaigned for awareness of that, to fund research for a cure in the future. I like the story of Muhammad Ali because he shows us that even when we make mistakes in our personal lives and are far from perfect, it doesn't mean we should hide in the background, but lift our heads and continue to strive for goodness and rightness and a better world, in the only way we know how. This man epitomises what faith is, whatever divinity you may look to, peace must prevail and faith in your divinity must be coupled with faith in yourself to conquer your obstacles and achieve your goals and dreams. Something is only impossible when you say it is, because that is your belief, that is your expectation and you will not strive to achieve what you have no faith in. On the other hand, if you insist that something is possible, you will always aim for it until you achieve it, even if you fail sometimes, Ali also lost fights once in a while, but failure, as they say, is just the lesson that teaches us and refines us, it is just another step on the road to success. "Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it..." Ali is an example of what a man can achieve through mental strength and determined faith. Muhammad Ali contributed to changing our world because he only believed in the possible, because he believed in exploring the power he was given to make changes where he could and as a popular, public figure he was able to influence many men, who might otherwise have believed in violence, to also prefer peace.

Life in slow motion

Today I watched an inspirational video by a gentleman called Louie Schwartzberg who has been making time-lapse photography films for over thirty years. Mr Schwarzberg makes stunning films of nature, of the sky and how it is constantly changing colour as the clouds speed across it over our heads, it may never appear the same way twice. Even more stunning are his captures of flowers moving, speeded up, opening and closing and turning and adjusting themselves. He has named the film Gratitude, as soon as you watch it you will understand the connection to its title and feel that too. You can watch the film here: Gratitude When I was younger I always saw flowers and trees as objects, rather than living beings. Lately I read a couple of very interesting books: The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben, and The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart. They discussed, among other topics, how professional scientists have studied plant life and trees and discovered that they respond measurably to us, to each other, to pain and trauma. Of course trees live in their own time frame, they are awake all through the first three seasons of the year and go to sleep in winter, rather than existing in the day to night time frame as we humans and many animals do. Some flowers on the other hand close up at night and go back underground to sleep and rise again in the morning just as we do. Trees communicate under the ground via their roots to one another and connect there and help one another there, rather than with their voices or with sound. They support the young and the sick and form family ties. Though trees vary greatly from plants in that they can sometimes grow up over night whereas trees can live for five hundred years or more and can take many decades to even come close to being fully grown, they do have something in common, with each other and with us. They are alive and they are sentient. Do Plants Have Feelings? Peter Wohlleben is a very short video on Youtube that summarises what he wrote about in his book and researched in his work. Likewise Lynne McTaggart, together with renowned and reputable scientists discovered the same evidence in controlled laboratory experiments in which they sometimes hurt insects or plants and recorded the astounding responses of the plants to those various environments in which they did or did not thrive. Of course there are plenty of people who find this sort of theory far-fetched mumbo jumbo. I'm more open to it than I used to be! When we were kids at school we used to take beans and put them on tissue in jars to watch them grow, to observe the shoots go up and the roots go down. I suppose I was too young to appreciate the depth of what that meant, I took it for granted. Recently my partner planted a sunflower seed for me in a shallow, transparent, plastic fruit tray. Suddenly all my recent reading came to life before me. After a couple of weeks of expectant watching and no results I was on the point of throwing the tray away when I noticed a miniscule green leaf, just millimetres across. A week later it was a centimetre tall, a couple of weeks after that it was as tall as my little finger and when I lifted the container I could see all its tangled roots stretching far across the width of the tray. I bought it a large pot and transplanted it into some fresh earth. Less than a week later it had doubled in size, was almost as tall as my hand and sprouting many large leaves. This is going to be transplanted to the back garden now and it amazes me to think that it will grow to be a sunflower, perhaps six feet tall, in no time. The turning point for me was when I first put the little plant in the pot: it was bending over in one direction, because it reaches for the sun of course, but, novice that I am, I felt concerned it might lean over too far, so I turned it to face inwards to the kitchen and went out to walk the dog. Less than 90 minutes later I returned to find it leaning right into the window again. In such a short time this little creature had readjusted itself and turned its foliage around a full 180 degrees! That was the moment I realised this little thing is alive! You can walk along and not see anything if you're not careful. When you think that trees live in a different time frame to us, they experience everything much slower so it has to be speeded up for us to appreciate it at our pace of life, where as a fly, for example, lives a far shorter life than us, but it travels around at extreme velocity, especially in comparison to its size, and it has eyes that can take in so many angles and views as it travels, it puts our perspective to shame. Yet it is our human eyes that show us all this colour and texture and beauty. They talk about the great oak tree coming from the acorn and so on. When you start thinking about it, it really is a miracle that we can see colours and that these things grow from nothing and know what to do and what to be. Flowers blossom, seasons change, night turns to day and back to night, all without our command. We as humans want to control everything but nature and the weather just happen. You can only study it and wonder at it and marvel at the magic of the functioning of your own body, eyes and heart. Without you ordering it what to do at each minute of the day, your body goes ahead and functions, you are just the spirit within it that is along for the ride!