Cat Grant's Blog: Memoirs of an Amnesiac - Posts Tagged "ranting"
If I hear “girl cooties” one more time, I’m gonna smack a bitch…
Eh, screw it – here it comes.
I get having preferences in reading material. If you like m/m, and that’s all you want to read – hey, fine. I’m down with it. But rejecting a ménage story because it’s got “girl cooties” makes my blood boil, especially when the insult comes from a woman – as it always does.
Speaking as a fellow woman, and someone who’s spent a number of years in therapy dealing with self-esteem and body image issues, I’ve had it with people making snarky comments referring to female bodies as something dirty and disgusting.
Isn’t it bad enough that women are bullied and shamed for their appearance practically from birth?
Are you thin enough? Pretty enough? Young enough? Hot enough? With all this pressure, it’s no wonder so many women – myself included - suffer from eating disorders and clinical depression. It’s taken me literally decades to get past this bullshit societal programming that I’m ugly because I don’t look like a fucking Vogue model.
Which is what prompted me last year to finally take the plunge and get my first tattoo – and my second…
Gorgeous artwork, huh? And as these photos make clear, I’m carrying around a few extra pounds. No one would ever mistake me for Kate Moss or Heidi Klum. But I am not ugly. My body is not dirty or disgusting.
To be fair, the “girl cooties” thing was funny the first time I heard it. Fifty times down the road – not so much. It hurts to hear other women not only buying into this ridiculous cycle of self-hatred, but perpetuating it. I don’t plan on crashing anybody’s private conversations, but if this particular epithet gets flung around within earshot – well, prepare to get an earful from me.
I get having preferences in reading material. If you like m/m, and that’s all you want to read – hey, fine. I’m down with it. But rejecting a ménage story because it’s got “girl cooties” makes my blood boil, especially when the insult comes from a woman – as it always does.
Speaking as a fellow woman, and someone who’s spent a number of years in therapy dealing with self-esteem and body image issues, I’ve had it with people making snarky comments referring to female bodies as something dirty and disgusting.
Isn’t it bad enough that women are bullied and shamed for their appearance practically from birth?
Are you thin enough? Pretty enough? Young enough? Hot enough? With all this pressure, it’s no wonder so many women – myself included - suffer from eating disorders and clinical depression. It’s taken me literally decades to get past this bullshit societal programming that I’m ugly because I don’t look like a fucking Vogue model.
Which is what prompted me last year to finally take the plunge and get my first tattoo – and my second…
Gorgeous artwork, huh? And as these photos make clear, I’m carrying around a few extra pounds. No one would ever mistake me for Kate Moss or Heidi Klum. But I am not ugly. My body is not dirty or disgusting.
To be fair, the “girl cooties” thing was funny the first time I heard it. Fifty times down the road – not so much. It hurts to hear other women not only buying into this ridiculous cycle of self-hatred, but perpetuating it. I don’t plan on crashing anybody’s private conversations, but if this particular epithet gets flung around within earshot – well, prepare to get an earful from me.
Putting on my ranty-pants again...
Okay, maybe not a rant. A short... diatribe? mulling over? discussion? on the fluidity of human sexuality, and why people who stubbornly refuse to get it bug the crap out of me.
A few weeks ago, I finally got around to seeing Kinsey , starring Liam Neeson and Laura Linney. It's a well-written, directed and acted biopic of the renowned sex researcher. Considering its subject matter, I should have made an effort to seek it out much sooner. For one thing, I was surprised to discover that Kinsey's first report, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, was first published in 1948.
In this report, Dr. Kinsey revealed that nearly 46% of his male subjects had "reacted" sexually to persons of both sexes during their adult lives, and 37% had had at least one homosexual experience. The study also reported that roughly 10% of American men were more or less exclusively gay for at least three years between the ages of 16 and 55.
The book came out over sixty years ago, and yet people's brains still explode when they're asked to entertain the possibility that human sexuality might not exist in a state of black-and-white absolutes. I blame it on the pervasiveness of heteronormative conditioning in Western society, but that excuse only goes so far. There comes a time when people need to open their eyes and see the world as it truly exists.
I've been writing fiction featuring gay male relationships for well over a decade now, if you count slash fan fiction – a genre written by mostly straight women for a mostly straight female audience. Professionally written m/m romance fiction has grown out of this tradition.
In both cases, we're dealing with a very specific fantasy, which focuses on fetishizing male homosexuality for a female audience. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that – just don't expect it to be an accurate depiction of real-life gay or bisexual male’s experience, because it isn't.
Don't get me wrong, it's touching to read about a couple of guys who decide to give up their former sluthood and start picking out curtains - the first ten or so times. Now when I read this stuff, I start jonesing for an insulin shot. I know this is romance, and readers want their happily ever after, but very few real-life HEA's happen like this.
But there is a silver lining here, in that trends in popular fiction tend to come and go. In a few years I doubt anyone will lift an eyebrow at books that freely mix gay, bi, menage and heterosexual relationships. Hopefully that will open up the doors for other authors who, like myself, dislike being pigeonholed.
Frankly, I stopped thinking of my work as m/m a long time ago. It’s simply contemporary fiction featuring GLBT characters - where the “B” and “T” are not silent.
A few weeks ago, I finally got around to seeing Kinsey , starring Liam Neeson and Laura Linney. It's a well-written, directed and acted biopic of the renowned sex researcher. Considering its subject matter, I should have made an effort to seek it out much sooner. For one thing, I was surprised to discover that Kinsey's first report, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, was first published in 1948.
In this report, Dr. Kinsey revealed that nearly 46% of his male subjects had "reacted" sexually to persons of both sexes during their adult lives, and 37% had had at least one homosexual experience. The study also reported that roughly 10% of American men were more or less exclusively gay for at least three years between the ages of 16 and 55.
The book came out over sixty years ago, and yet people's brains still explode when they're asked to entertain the possibility that human sexuality might not exist in a state of black-and-white absolutes. I blame it on the pervasiveness of heteronormative conditioning in Western society, but that excuse only goes so far. There comes a time when people need to open their eyes and see the world as it truly exists.
I've been writing fiction featuring gay male relationships for well over a decade now, if you count slash fan fiction – a genre written by mostly straight women for a mostly straight female audience. Professionally written m/m romance fiction has grown out of this tradition.
In both cases, we're dealing with a very specific fantasy, which focuses on fetishizing male homosexuality for a female audience. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that – just don't expect it to be an accurate depiction of real-life gay or bisexual male’s experience, because it isn't.
Don't get me wrong, it's touching to read about a couple of guys who decide to give up their former sluthood and start picking out curtains - the first ten or so times. Now when I read this stuff, I start jonesing for an insulin shot. I know this is romance, and readers want their happily ever after, but very few real-life HEA's happen like this.
But there is a silver lining here, in that trends in popular fiction tend to come and go. In a few years I doubt anyone will lift an eyebrow at books that freely mix gay, bi, menage and heterosexual relationships. Hopefully that will open up the doors for other authors who, like myself, dislike being pigeonholed.
Frankly, I stopped thinking of my work as m/m a long time ago. It’s simply contemporary fiction featuring GLBT characters - where the “B” and “T” are not silent.
