Jennifer Crusie's Blog, page 287

Pilot Season

I love September and October. Fabulous weather, school supplies, and TV pilots. Since TV has done better storytelling than the movies in last couple of years, pilot season is like crack to me. However, this year I’m picky.

I’ve given up on comedies because (a) dumb characters and (b) laugh tracks. I’m annoyed by the dumb/cute cop shows (really, Bones and Castle are still on the air?), never got into vampire dramas (you’re undead, you’re gorgeous, and you can stay up all night; now let me tell you about MY problems),and pissed off about glamorous people who wear suits because they probably vote Republican. So the first thing a new pilot has to do is avoid my Cranky.

That cut out a lot of pilots, like Sleepy Hollow, the dumbest premise in the history of dumb supernatural premises (I’m not counting Alf). James Spader is in another dumb premise, Blacklist, with a pilot that looked like it was going to be a rip off of Alias but as I said it also has James Spader, whom I would watch stare aimlessly into space for an hour, so I figured I’d give that one try and then bail. But there were a lot I was looking forward to. Well, okay, one: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Joss Whedon never fails. Really, I know what I like, and it was pretty much going to be SHIELD (pretend the periods are in there, life is too short to waste that much time on dumb punctuation).

First the bad news: Even Clark Gregg can’t save SHIELD, and I would have said Clark Gregg could cure cancer and make peace in the Middle East. However, surround the man with the most vapid cast since Saved By the Bell (excepting Ming Na who is the female Clark Gregg) and strand him in enough trite, predictable plots with anvilicious themes (DID YOU GET THE THEME??? DID YOU GET IT???? BECAUSE WE SAID IT LIKE THREE TIMES!!!!) and even Clark starts to lose his glow. I may keep tuning in just to see why Coulson lives since he definitely died in The Avengers and Tahiti is a magical place, but aside from one great scene with a cranky Nick Fury (I know, redundant), he’s swimming in a pool of mediocrity. I’m pretty sure io9 will let me know when the explanation is revealed, and I can’t take much more of Crabtree and Evelyn being cute about science, not to mention the Spunky Hacker and the Sullen Tough Guy, both of whom make me long for Hardison and Eliot, especially after the fourth episode which was so full of “As You Know” dialogue that I quit seventeen minutes in. One thing seems clear: Marvel does great movies and DC does great TV (Arrow‘s back, YAY), so maybe they should talk, give each other some pointers.

Then there’s Blacklist, which I keep thinking is called Blackmail because that’s pretty much the premise, this supercriminal blackmailing the FBI into taking him on as a consultant but only if he works with the cute, perky new agent named Lizzie, an idea that has SUCKAGE written all over it. But the supercriminal is James Spader at his laid-back, fuck-you finest, and the perky agent is not that perky and in fact is downright enraged a lot of the time for good reason, and there’s no romantic subtext at all because it seems fairly clear that Red (Spader) is Lizzie’s father although they’re spooling that one out needlessly if that’s true. Even better, her charming, good-looking perfect husband has some kind of heinous secret, and the FBI doesn’t trust her because . . . oh, hell, just watch it. Every time it begins to lean toward predictability, something happens that makes me go, “Oh. Wait,” except for the third episode that made me go, “Did James Spader really just do that?” so I’m in for the rest of the season.

And then just to see how bad it was, I watched the Sleepy Hollow pilot. Again, completely ridiculous premise, cheesy special effects (the demons in the giant fondue pot are probably the worst so far), and totally dumb plots. Who would watch that? Turns out, I would. It’s already been renewed for a second season, and I undoubtedly will still be watching when its next premiere rolls around because it has a stellar cast, and it’s fairly clear that the show knows it has a beyond-dumb premise and has just decided to roll with it. The fourth episode’s opening bit, with Tom Mison’s Ichabod bonding with the OnStar lady about their mutual love lives would have sold me alone; the fact that he needed help because Abbie had locked him in the car to keep him out of her way meant they have me for the rest of season. My one quibble: Ichabod’s shiny-pretty supermodel-witch wife who is stuck between dimensions. She should go back to the past because she’s boring and Ichabod and Abbie are not. Nicole Beharie is the Clark Gregg of Sleepy Hollow; if they’d cast her in SHIELD, she’d have deported Crabtree and Evelyn, dropped the perky hacker off at her van and slashed her tires, and shot the Tough Guy so she could get some work done. I love it that Ichabod is the verbose romantic and Abbie is the shut-up-and-let-me-kill-this-demon action star. I love it that Ichabod is so relentlessly positive and Abbie is so damn smart. I would watch Ichabod and Abbie read the phone book together, although it would be an obviously fake phone book with implausible names. Abbie is Buffy without the teen-angst but with a badge and a gun permit; Ichabod is Angel without the guilt and the abs but with a sunny sense of humor and a willingness to learn new things. Also a special shout-out to John Cho for showing how to do undead the right way.

I still have high hopes for Almost Human (Karl Urban is one of those Actors I Will Watch in Anything; see James Spader, John Simm, Helen Mirren, Martin Freeman, Tom Hiddleston, David Tennant, Robert Downey Jr., Michael Emerson, Amy Acker . . .) and I am strongly tempted by American Horror Story because have you seen that cast? It also helps that I have the comfort of knowing that Ollie and Felicity and Ollie’s abs are back, and that Person of Interest is doing the unimaginable and making its third season better than its second season which was better than its first season which was phenomenal (extra credit to the casting director who added both Amy Acker and Sarah Shahi to a cast that was already amazing).

So after three weeks of viewing, I have learned that punctuation isn’t the only dumb thing about SHIELD, James Spader rocks the hell out of being a international criminal mastermind with a paternal soft spot, and Sleepy Hollow is ridiculously dumb entertainment at its finest. Or to put it more briefly, I was wrong. This is disorienting, but I’m dealing with it. I can learn, I can grow.

And even better, I can watch good TV.

Judit and Judit

Things went pear-shaped here last week. Among other things (asthma attack, root canal, Motor Vehicles Bureau), while trying to eat lunch in my local diner while also trying to catch up on my work load, I dumped a huge Diet Coke into my laptop which defeated both purposes and led the Best Waitress in New Jersey (that would be Dawn) to tell me that from now on, I only get a sippy cup if I bring in electronics. As it turns out, working solely on a desktop computer screws with my writing mojo. And my brain. So my productivity has slowed to a crawl, and a new laptop is a necessity as soon as I figure out how to pay for one (amusing fun fact: as I typed that, my pharmacy sent me a text that said “2RX ready, $361.56″ and fuck you, you moronic goons in Congress who are shutting down the country so you can deny people affordable health care; I hope your whole damn party gets lost in the wilderness and dies in a ditch, forgotten and rotting and even the ravens have more taste than to snack on your short-sighted, corporately-owned, mean little eyeballs) and as soon as Apple gets off its secretive ass and tells me enough about the new MacPros so I can figure out if I want that or an old MacPro or an Air or maybe a nice pad of graph paper and a Sharpie which is my other favorite mode of writing, the one I can actually afford . . .

Where was I? Right. Judit and Judit.

There’s an internet company in Sweden called Com Hem featuring two women named Judit who should be the most famous women in the world because . . . well, go to You Tube and google “Judit Com Hem.” Here’s a start, Judit and Judit doing famous internet memes:

NO idea how they did this:

Basically, you could spend the afternoon watching the Judits when your Clonazepam runs out and still feel pretty good. Not that I’ve done that or anything.

Also, next Doctor Who Sunday: “The Impossible Astronaut/The Day of the Moon” by Steven Moffat, aka, the point where the mythology starts to eat The Doctor. I’d post a picture, but after Judit and Judit, it doesn’t seem fair to the Doctor.

Who Sunday: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang: Steven Moffat

There is something so lovely about all of the story being the product of one little girl’s mind that I can accept the all random time jerks and even the Doctor defying all his enemies at once. And then there’s Rory the Centurion, moving from being that annoying noise in the background to Better Than The Doctor. I admire the way Moffat does Epic; he really doesn’t hold anything back.

Cherry Saturday: 10 5 2013

Today is Do Something Nice Day. For yourself or for others is not specified, so I’d bake cookies so everybody’s happy.

Next Who Sunday: The Pandorica Opens/The Big Bang: Steven Moffat

Whatever else I say about Moffat’s showrunning (and I say a lot, most of it grumpy), this two-parter is just bizarre and wonderful and and confusing as hell but who cares, really? Also the best “something old, something new” ever, River Song as Cleopatra, and Amelia Pond, insisting on stars. Just lovely.

Who Sunday: The Lodger, Gareth Roberts

I love this episode. It has everything: sweet people in trouble, creepiness upstairs, and the Doctor pretending to be human. Plus ROMANCE! And soccer. Who could ask for more?

Cherry Saturday: 9 28 2013

Today is Ask a Stupid Question Day. Congress is all over this one so we don’t have to be.

Next Who Sunday: The Lodger, Gareth Roberts

The episode that asks, “What would it be like having the Doctor for a roommate?”

Answer: “Annoying, but you’d be glad in the end, even if he does watch your futile attempts to tell a girl that you love her and say, ‘Six billion people? Watching you two work, I’m starting to wonder where they all come from.’”

Who Sunday: Vincent & the Doctor, Richard Curtis

You know, this isn’t a great episode, plot-wise. It suffers, as so many of the Doctor-Meets-Somebody-Famous-in-History plots do, from having to work within the established framework of somebody’s life. In this case, there’s a monster that’s an analog for Van Gogh stuck in the middle of a lot of settings from his paintings. So why bother with this one?

Because of the ending. If you can sit through the recognition of a tortured artist that he will one day be celebrated the world over and not sob helplessly, you’re missing a piece. Or maybe you’re just not an artist or writer who lives with the schizophrenic heaven-and-hell that creative work drags you through. No,that’s not it; that ending is for everybody.

Also Bill Nighy.

Cherry Saturday: 9 21 2012

Today is International Peace Day. People should leave you in peace so you can read.