Sapphira Olson's Blog, page 6

Love: Decision vs. Feeling

As humans we are propelled forward by our emotions and our subconscious however much we like to think the rational part of us is the captain of our ship.

Love flows from our emotional state – it is not, as is so often preached, a statement of will. I have lost count of the amount of times I have heard preaches or have been told by Christian friends that, ‘Love is not only a feeling, it is more than a feeling. Love is a decision.’

That is folly.
It is a cold stark view of your innermost desires, which will harden your heart – it is not the poet’s or author’s view of life and it shows no understanding of how our brains work: of what being a human is.

It is far better to see love as a wild sea full of adventure, excitement, sorrow and grief. To sail into those waters means you have to make yourself vulnerable. You need to be ready for your emotions to be battered on the rocks and for your emotions to voyage to places you never knew existed. There will be days when you will be glad that you are alive and sharing the wonder with someone, others that you barely speak to each other as you cling exhausted to the mast.

It’s all emotional. It’s all about connecting at your core with another person. You do not brave the lashing waves and the salt stinging in your eyes and say, ‘Love is not only a feeling, it is more than a feeling. Love is a decision.’ For if you have become to believe that, then you no longer know love at all.

Think about what drives you to do incredible things. It is not a decision that is ‘more than a feeling’. It is your passion, your love for something that allows you to push through hardship, setbacks and disappointments. The intensity of your feelings will fluctuate, but it is still your feelings that will push you onwards, not a retreat into statements of intent.

I know why preachers say these things. They do not want people to throw away relationships when things become hard. And they are right in their intent, but not in their method. They tap into their belief that you should not live your life for yourself but as a sacrifice for others. This denial that life was given to you, for you is highly destructive. It is empathy and love that should flow out of you, not a death to self.

Better to come to know yourself and understand what it is to be human. To understand that to love someone will tear open all the boundaries of your emotions and feelings that you have known. And that this is good. Stay in that place and live a life that is full of love.