Ruth King's Blog, page 3

Chance Encounter with His Holiness the Dalai Lama

I have a story to tell about my first encounter with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. 

It was in 1993. I traveled to South India with a small group of women to study the stories of Indian textiles, temple architecture, and classical dance. On the connecting flight from the US, we had a delay and were put up in what seemed to be a condemned or abandoned hotel at Cochin International Airport in India. Our group was to meet in the lobby the next morning at 4:30 to be transported to the airport. 

At 4:30 that morning, another woman in our group and I were the only two that showed up on time. I was sitting in my silent judgment about that when I heard a fast paced rumble then saw a sea of saffron and gold swarm the lobby. And in the center of these figures was His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. Even in the swift movement, His Holiness laid eyes on me. His presence was a flash of light that pierced my hearts so deeply that it left me and my friend on our knees and in silent tears. There really weren't any words to describe the moment.

While the eye contact only lasted a moment, maybe two, it felt like a lifetime. 

For the next several days I felt wobbly, a bit dazed, and spongy. My senses were heightened. I felt tender, exposed, and porous, as if turned inside out. It was as if the solidity of knowing internally was crumbling and dissolving, and I was no longer able or willing to hold any form. All this and I oddly felt connected to everything. I was experiencing a new kind of intimacy with life and as I moved through southern India, it felt quite glorious. 

A few years later, after becoming a Buddhist practitioner and teacher, I would learn that what I had experienced with His Holiness was what is referred to as a “glance of mercy.” It’s when you are seen as worthy with such love and compassion that you undeniably believe it. 

This made sense to me – this glance of mercy – this potent pause and piercing acceptance of love. He didn't have to know me or trust me before offering me a few seconds of his kind and wise heart, and it transformed my relationship to humanity in an instant. 

Receiving His Holiness’ profound goodness and knowing how he moves through the world left me knowing that I belonged here just as I am. This knowing is an inner savoring that I can still taste and touch 30 years later! 

I’m not His Holiness by a long shot, but since this time, I have been more care-ful in how I touch people. It’s not about how much time I give a person. Rather, it’s about how much care is loaded into a few seconds of attention. Imagine a world where we generously and without hesitation practiced offering everyone we encountered momentary glances of mercy. Try it and notice the impact you have on others and yourself. I believe this practice is in the territory of wordless healing. 

—

Learn how to understand what blocks our natural tendencies toward racial grace with our special offer: Mindful of Race 101 + Live Zoom with Ruth

The post Chance Encounter with His Holiness the Dalai Lama appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Brave Space – Meet-Up Opportunity

Saturday, April 29 @ 1pm ET for one hour on Zoom

Hello Kin,

Are you interested in enrolling in Brave Space, our 12-month, online, racial-affinity group development program, but you don't have enough affinity members to join you? Here's your opportunity!

Join us and meet up with affinity kin folks also interested in joining Brave Space!

Details: Saturday, April 29 @ 1pm ET for one hour on Zoom.

Before attending, thoroughly review the content on the Brave Space homepage, including FAQs, the Application Process, the ApplicationForm, and Testimonials.

On our call, we will divide up into affinity groups by race (as close as possible) to meet and connect around you interest in Brave Space. Then you will join me to discuss any questions you may have about moving forward.

It will be a family affair! I'll see you there. Best, Ruth

Required Registration - Ready to Sign Up? Register Here!

The post Brave Space – Meet-Up Opportunity appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Black Bodies Prayer: A 10-Minute Grief Pause

Dear Black Kin,

Please join me in grieving the loss of Tyre Nichols and releasing the riveting and traumatizing impact of his death and the deaths of far too many. We join their families and love ones in a sea of grief and in rivers of prayers for healing. I invite you to get a cup of tea, find a place to be for the next 10 minutes, and light a candle. Take all the time you need to quiet your heart and mind as best you can. Once you feel a shift toward settling, listen and receive this recording, then add your prayers to mine. Once we are done here, sit a little longer in silence to feel the goodness of your intent. Then, dust yourself off, smile a little on the inside, then share your wise light, however dim or bright, near and far, knowing you are not alone. In deep gratitude and fierce love, Ruth

Also, enjoy my Free Webinar, Let's Talk About Race: What to do with emotional distress, https://ruthking.net/free-webinar

The post Black Bodies Prayer: A 10-Minute Grief Pause appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Six Remarkable Black Buddhists

In celebration of Black History Month, we find inspiration in the lives and practice of six remarkable Black Buddhists.

Lion's Roar presents We Remember: Six Remarkable Black Buddhists BY KAMILAH MAJIED, RUTH KING, PAMELA AYO YETUNDE, MUSHIM PATRICIA IKEDA, ROSHI WENDY EGYOKU NAKAO AND SISTER PEACE|

Introduction

The sankofa is a mythical bird of the Akan people in Ghana. It’s depicted with its head turned backward, pointing to the past, while the feet are turned forward, pointing to the future, and its body is centered in the now. This symbolism echoes Thich Nhat Hanh’s teaching that in the present moment we touch the past and the future.

The sankofa can be viewed as a symbol of resistance to the censoring of Black history in public education. The current attempts to whitewash curricula is anti-truth and therefore pro-ignorance. Why are some parents screaming at school board members, hounding educators from state to state, threatening librarians, and protesting the very existence of libraries under the anti-critical race theory rally cry? Why don’t they want students to know that Black people were enslaved and subjected to countless forms of cruelty between 1619 and 1865 in the U.S.? Why don’t they want students to know that Black people were relegated by law between 1877 and 1964 to live separately and unequally from white people? Why shouldn’t our future adults know the many ways apartheid, resistance to apartheid, and racist backlash to progress have been expressed in America?

Maybe this Black History Month we can ask ourselves, with our eyes looking back, feet facing forward, and body in the present moment, “Why are we so attached to a sanitized past?” and let the answers flow without judgment. This is a way we can embody the sankofa spirit...

Click here to read more!

Illustration by Edson Ikê

The post Six Remarkable Black Buddhists appeared first on RuthKing.net.

We Remember: Six Remarkable Black Buddhists

Illustration by Edson Ikê

Lion's Roar presents We Remember: Six Remarkable Black Buddhists BY KAMILAH MAJIED, RUTH KING, PAMELA AYO YETUNDE, MUSHIM PATRICIA IKEDA, ROSHI WENDY EGYOKU NAKAO AND SISTER PEACE| 

In celebration of Black History Month, we find inspiration in the lives and practice of six remarkable Black Buddhists.

Introduction

The sankofa is a mythical bird of the Akan people in Ghana. It’s depicted with its head turned backward, pointing to the past, while the feet are turned forward, pointing to the future, and its body is centered in the now. This symbolism echoes Thich Nhat Hanh’s teaching that in the present moment we touch the past and the future.

The sankofa can be viewed as a symbol of resistance to the censoring of Black history in public education. The current attempts to whitewash curricula is anti-truth and therefore pro-ignorance. Why are some parents screaming at school board members, hounding educators from state to state, threatening librarians, and protesting the very existence of libraries under the anti-critical race theory rally cry? Why don’t they want students to know that Black people were enslaved and subjected to countless forms of cruelty between 1619 and 1865 in the U.S.? Why don’t they want students to know that Black people were relegated by law between 1877 and 1964 to live separately and unequally from white people? Why shouldn’t our future adults know the many ways apartheid, resistance to apartheid, and racist backlash to progress have been expressed in America?

Maybe this Black History Month we can ask ourselves, with our eyes looking back, feet facing forward, and body in the present moment, “Why are we so attached to a sanitized past?” and let the answers flow without judgment. This is a way we can embody the sankofa spirit...

Click here to read more!

The post We Remember: Six Remarkable Black Buddhists appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Calling Out, Inviting In: Difficult Conversations

Talking about what disturbs you is a mindfulness practice that matures with wise intent and patience, and the holidays is a great time to practice.

Regardless of your race, no one likes being called out. It doesn’t matter how thoughtful or thoughtless the message is delivered; no one likes hearing or having the impact of their behavior pointed out. We feel vulnerable and over-exposed. Our delusion of being perfect or acceptable is shattered. The ego goes into distress and defense.

Fundamentally, we feel shamed when the impact of our behavior is called out. In fact, there is shame all around. The person that feels they must confront our behavior is often also shamed from both being impacted by our behavior and because they must confront it. It’s not easy discerning our immediate feelings. If you are like me, you will first feel anger, which is attempting to soften the psychic jolt of shame. Bottom line, being called out feels awful!

We can acknowledge that this is tender territory, right?  So, we proceed with caution. Assuming good intent, here are a few strategies. For those being called out: (1) Take a breath and open to learning; (2) acknowledge that ‘ego bruising’ is often necessary to wake up and transform habits of harm, and (3) be humbled by the bravery of those confronting you – consider it an attempt to foster a more honest relationship. For those calling out: (1) Take a breath and open to learning; (2) be willing to recognize in the other the fragility of being human, which includes ignorance and innocence; and (3) imagine you are softly holding hands with the person you are calling out, inviting them into relationship over disgrace.

And know this: Even with our best efforts, it can be messy. Primarily, we want to keep our fingers on the pulse of good intention and do our best. When it feels hopeless (it's only temporary), it can be wise to be the first one to offer a warm, forgiving hug.

When we are present, genuinely curious, and can allow pause and space in our exchanges, others, as well as ourselves, can come out of hiding into connection. We can then explore together what it truly means to be human. This practice is good medicine for the heart of humanity.

Stay Tuned for our Spring day-long workshop: Talking About What Disturbs You! 

The post Calling Out, Inviting In: Difficult Conversations appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Wholeness Is No Trifling Matter

In the new book Black and Buddhist, Buddhist teacher Ruth King reflects on bias and the path to true freedom. (An adapted reprint from Tricycle Magazine, December 9, 2020.)

As a Buddhist practitioner and teacher, I have sat on my meditation cushion in silence, with hundreds of other yogis, ripening my capacity to live in gentle and wise awareness, sometimes day after day for months at a time, without ever speaking to the yogi who sat beside me. Within me, there was comfort in knowing that despite racial appearances, we had somehow landed on our cushions and were opening our hearts together. This, in my mind, is a miracle.

But over the years, participating in a dharma community mostly attended and led by white people, I have often felt my heart quake and stomach tighten after hearing white teachers and yogis speak from a lack of awareness of themselves as racial beings. I have never heard white teachers make blatant racist comments with intent to harm. Rather, there was a more subtle obliviousness about whiteness as a collective reality and its privilege and impact, and an assumption that we were all the same or wanted to be. In those moments, despite my best efforts, I would be reminded of race and of being invisible and would spin into a hurricane of anger, confusion, and despair.

I had both experienced and witnessed intense bruising and racial distress from such ignorance, resulting in separation. This particular flavor of separation reflected not only a division of the races but also a division of heart. The consciousness—or unconsciousness—that supports racial suffering cuts people out of our hearts. We then try to live as if “cutting” doesn’t hurt. We pretend we are not bleeding from the wounds of separation as we move about our lives in search of freedom and contentment, and we have convinced ourselves that we can live disconnected—from the planet and each other—and still be whole, happy, and peaceful.

It was sobering to acknowledge that being in a sea of racial ignorance wasn’t going to disappear anytime soon. Then I began to muse: Clearly, my freedom is not dependent upon whether white folks wake up to their ignorance, right? Clearly, my freedom is more immediate and in my hands, right? Right! I was reminded of what Toni Cade Bambara had written in The Salt Eaters:

Are you sure, sweetheart, that you want to be well? . . . Just so’s you’re sure, sweetheart, and ready to be healed, cause wholeness is no trifling matter.

I asked myself, What would it take for me to walk in a world of racial ignorance being well and being whole, and not shutting others out of my heart? Such an idea of freedom was in my hands and became my pledge of allegiance. No trifling matter! And more accessible through the dharma.

But what does this mean and how does it look as we engage as a sangha—as a community?

As I would discover, in Theravada Buddhism, mindfulness (or vipassana meditation) is the technology for shifting from being ensnarled in suffering to being curious about it. In this practice, we learn to know what’s happening while it’s happening. We get still and turn our attention inward to become more intimately aware of our body and breath, our emotions, and our thoughts.

The practice supports awareness without interference, and without distortion, elaboration, or judgment. A process, not an easy destination, to be sure. bell hooks shed a lovely light on mindfulness practice: “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.”

There were many things I found powerful about mindfulness meditation—chiefly that it assumes we are noticing our experiences with an understanding that everything we are aware of has a nature, which Buddhism describes as the Three Characteristics of Existence:

The nature of impermanence (anicca): change is constant and all phenomena arise and pass away.The nature of selflessness (anatta): there is no enduring or reliable self; we are a series of ever-changing elemental processes, all arising and passing away.The nature of unreliability, ungovernability, and dissatisfaction (dukkha): “Shit happens,” and things won’t always go our way.

I have a simple mantra for remembering these laws of nature: life is not personal, permanent, or perfect.

Through mindfulness meditation, I discovered that awareness can ride the energies of persistent and disturbing thoughts and emotions without interference or personalization. When I did this, I found that old traumas and pain came out of hiding, and I could then honor and dissolve them. I discovered that I could tolerate being vulnerable and rest in tenderness, and I became deeply acquainted with ease and joy, regardless of my circumstances.

Not only was this a steady and powerful realization in sitting meditation practice, but this understanding greatly impacted how I related to the harsh realities of day-to-day life. Reminding myself that life is not personal, permanent, or perfect has kept me from falling into sinkholes of despair and destroying rooms with rage. It invites me to pause and turn inward. It gives me a chance to ask myself, “What’s happening? Where are you gripped right now? Are you taking this situation personally—to be a personal experience instead of a human experience? Have people before you felt this way? Where else in the world are people feeling similarly gripped? Do you believe that how it is now is how it will always be? Are you distressed because you are insisting that this situation be other than it is, right here and now? How can you care for the pain you’re in at this moment?”

What freedom that was: not to be held in the tight grip of anger, defensiveness, and fear; to have a way to turn inward, to release myself from the bondage of being on red alert, always ready to have my rage engaged.

The post Wholeness Is No Trifling Matter appeared first on RuthKing.net.

The Lion’s Roar Podcast: Mindful of Race

Lion’s Roar Associate Editor Pamela Ayo Yetunde talks with Ruth King, founder of the Mindful of Race Institute, and author of Mindful of Race: Transforming Racism from the Inside Out about the Brave Space program, how to approach talking about race, and how mindfulness can heal racial wounds.

The Lion’s Roar Podcast: Mindfulness of Race with Ruth King

The post The Lion’s Roar Podcast: Mindful of Race appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Voting: Fundamental Activism

These are challenging times, requiring us to be diligent and well intentional. Consider this message in preparing to vote!

https://ruthking.net/wp-content/uploads/1664/68/RuthKing-Voting.mp4

The post Voting: Fundamental Activism appeared first on RuthKing.net.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Don't worry...

We're all navigating tumultuous realities in our lives. This is the terrain we're walking, trying to find some peace. There’s a lot going on in the world right now and in our own hearts, and we're trying to figure out how to quench our thirst, hunger, longing, and yearning as we navigate this terrain.

“How do we make sense out of a world that has corruption and innocence, purity and savagery, wisdom and irrationality, benevolence and wickedness, threat of outsiders and who we consider neighbors, distance and intimacy, receptivity and force?” —Toni Morrison

So, we try different things—approaches, jobs, relationships, countries, everything. And the very thing we're searching for out there is not to be found, because it has to do with how we're in relationship with our mind. We seek satisfaction externally, yet the challenge is understanding that this is a big piece of work that requires us to look internally.

Sayadaw U Tejaniya says, “One thing you need to remember and understand is that you cannot leave the mind alone. It needs to be watched constantly. If you do not look after your garden it will overgrow with weeds. If you do not watch your mind, defilements will grow and multiply. The mind does not belong to you, but you are responsible for it.”

The Five Hindrances

Here, we look at the Five Hindrances, one of the systems that support us in looking at how we show up with our mind and our relationship with the mind activity. We’ll look briefly at all five hindrances, and specifically at one—restlessness and worry.

The first of the five hindrances is desire for sensual pleasure. The mind races with the idea of wanting and desire. The second is aversion—our drive to push away. Aversion is about all the ways that we're at war with ourselves and our mind. Third is sloth and torpor—our inability to rise fully to a challenge. It can be a mental and physical fatigue which keeps us in a state of collapse that makes it difficult to rise fully.

I will skip to the fifth and come back to the fourth.

Fifth is doubt. This is when we're uncertain, insecure about trusting, believing, or letting ourselves go. Because there's all kinds of ways we've been burned, so we're suspicious, unsure, and we question things, we question the teachings, we question our own good mind.

And fourth is restlessness and worry, which is the whirlwind of the mind. It is this sense of searching, agitation, ill ease, overwhelm, fear, fantasy, exhaustion, and ambivalence. We get into a cycle of judging, comparing, perfecting, fixing, and yearning. We worry about the world, our work, our lives, ourselves, so there's this angst wrapped around restlessness and worry. It can feel like fear run amok. And there's a sense that if I just could figure it out in my head, if I just worked at it a little harder, I'd get it. There also could be an element of being bored with your thoughts—tired of what you’re thinking, but you can't stop thinking it.

The Job of the Mind

The mind is an organ; it's a part of the body. The eyes see, the mouth tastes, the ears hear, the nose smells, the body feels, and the mind thinks. The job of the mind is to be busy. We're not trying to stop that. What we're trying to do is look at how we identify with what arises in the mind so solidly that it's hard to see all the other things that are present.

The mind doesn't belong to us, in a sense, because we're not making it think. But we're responsible for it because of how we are in relationship to it and how we are in relationship to our thoughts. We can’t control what arises, but we also don't want to habitually keep running on the trail with the hindrances.

Hindrance Combinations

The tricky thing about restlessness and worry is that it is the hindrance that often wraps itself around other hindrances. When it solidifies around other hindrances, it can morph, creating other qualities. For example, when restlessness and worry solidify around desire, it can feel like speed without a destination. Inside the heart and mind there's a sense of weariness and manifestation of claiming and holding on for dear life, a desperation that fills the heart and mind.

When restlessness and worry congeals around aversion—it's like having your foot heavily on the gas pedal, while also on the brake. When restlessness and worry wraps itself around sloth and torpor, we can feel an intense mental fatigue and physical exhaustion, a sense of dizziness or being off balance. When restlessness and worry wraps itself around doubt, we can be saturated in a sense of despair. And we worry about our restlessness. So, there's this vicious cycle of doubting our restlessness and worrying about it, wondering if this is ever going to end.

Papañca

One of the ways that the teachings talk about this cycle, is the Pali word papañca. It refers to a diversity, proliferation, elaboration, or adornment of thinking. It's a selfing process that keeps us solidified to some notion of what we think is right and wrong.

One way to think about it is there's the bare bones mind of thought that arises, let's call that a mannequin. Then we add to it by dressing the mannequin with clothes, jewelry, etc. Before we know it, there's a whole outfit of identity, as opposed to just the bare experience of the mannequin—just the thought itself.

So, how do we not layer on to our experience? The nature of the mind is that it's going to be thinking, but how do we not expand a whole identity out of it when that's happening?

When this cycle of papañca or morphing or costuming of thought that we habitually do is not interrupted then this spiral continues. And what's happening in that morphing process is the experience of grasping. There's an imbalance and an over-efforting that is occurring. And the Pali word for that is dukkha or suffering. Our challenge is to interrupt this habitual dukkha producing activity of “mine.” This mechanism or habit is something that we can learn to see so that we can begin to discern clearly and have a different relationship to it.

Strategies for Working with the Hindrances

When you discover that you're caught by a hindrance, notice the moment you become aware of it. And right there, take a breath. In that breath, you can explore the contrast of then and now. Because there is a different experience in the body, heart, and mind when you're caught in a hindrance than when you notice that you're caught. And that's a powerful thing to know. Also, that shift represents being fixated in the hindrance to observing what's happening. And then being curious about whatever it is—thinking, restlessness, doubt, etc.—and then feel what it's like to have seen that and now to be in the place that you're in. Notice the contrast. In time it can become a preference to feel into the place of recognition rather than fixation.

Another way to work with this is if the restlessness and worry is persistent, and you feel steady enough inside yourself, you can investigate or lean into it with a bit more curiosity. “What is this?” Give it a word, “sadness” or “fear” so you know what's happening. Then open to how that's experienced in the body. All thoughts have roots in the body. You can always shift from a thought to investigating its deeper roots, which will help you be with the sensations in the body.

Noting practice is like a tracking practice. What's happening now? What is the thought that I'm having? What sensations are the thoughts rooted in in this moment? Then we begin to see that we can rely on the impermanence of our thoughts—that they all appear, do their thing, and then disappear. The nature of our thoughts and everything else is that it arises and passes away. We can trust that.

The dharma also instructs us to notice these hindrances in five distinct ways. Notice: 1) when they are there; 2) when they go away; 3) when they are returning; 4) when you lose interest in them; and 5) when the loss of interest is sustained. The last two are what makes the practice more transformative as opposed to observable. Because up to that point, we're observing what's happening. But with these last two, we're in a transformation process of shifting our relationship to how we engage with the hindrance.

To do that, we need to understand the experiences we're having from a broader lens. The habit of mind is that we're fixated on the hindrance, but there's a way that we can expand the view. This is a mindfulness approach of seeing before, during, and after the hindrance. It's like the hindrance is not the only thing that's going on, but it's where we get in lockdown mode.

The practice is seeing if we could zoom out enough to see a broader play of mind. This means becoming acquainted with before, during, and after the hindrance. Sometimes that experience before and after it happens is kind of fuzzy and unfocused which is why we may ignore it because it doesn't have a big charge to it, so it doesn’t capture our interest. We fast forward through these in between places, yet these can be spaces where we find some relief, rest, and emptiness.

Mindfulness practice is teaching us how to prolong our view of awareness, so that we're not fixed on the object of our agitation, desire, etc. What we're trying to do is open the lens wider and see the full experience—not just what we like or don't like.

The hindrances can't survive the bright light of awareness. And mindfulness has a way of putting a frame around the overwhelm of restlessness and worry. As we continue to do this practice, it supports a ripening of awareness and insight. And as mindfulness grows, our mental capacity gradually shifts from the object of our fixation to the process of being aware. That's really what we're after in this inquiry. To understand the awareness process.

Here's another strategy that I refer to as “don't pick it up.” Ajahn Chah tells a story that he brought two very large boundary marker stones into his monastery. And he asked one of his monks, “Is that stone heavy?” And the monk says, “Oh, yes, clearly very heavy.” And Ajahn says, “Not if you don't pick it up.”

If the hindrance continues to be intense and you're fatigued from the habit of mind, you can say, “No, not now,” and return to your anchor—the breath, body, walking, etc. We get to choose whether we are going to be in the habit of suffering or not. Because that's our responsibility. We can't stop the mind from thinking. But we can shift how we're in relationship to it. “Don't pick it up” is a practice of gently aiming and sustaining our attention to our anchor.

Be Happy...

Find these moments when you aren’t hindered in your mind, but rather in a place of calm and ease. In these moments, there is a flood of delight and joy that can come into your experience. The teachings say that when restlessness and worry have subsided, it can feel like you've been freed from bondage. When desire is no longer gripping you, the feeling is like you're free from debt. To be relieved from the grip of aversion is like feeling healthy after a long illness. To be released from sloth and torpor feels like being released from prison. And when doubt is not our occupation, it’s like feeling safe after a dangerous trip across the desert without food or water.

In those moments when you are feeling blissful or peaceful, the invitation is to open to that—to not allow the fixation of mind to rob you of the good feelings that can also be available to you. You can't force this feeling of delight; you can't make it happen—that would be another form of grasping. But you can open to this happening by suspending your habit of over identification with the hindrances when they arise. You can then examine what’s happening and what conditions supported it.

The mind is a dynamic process. When it’s stuck on what has arisen, it’s rigid and limited. Our joy from fixation on any of the hindrances is not dependent on whether the external environment changes. Your happiness doesn't depend on whether the world ever gets it right. Don't wait for that. Your happiness is much more readily accessible. And it's in your mind. It's your relationship with how you're working with the causes and conditions that arise in your heart and mind. The game changes when insight ripens – our capacity to be stable and clear in our understanding of suffering and its release.

***

This is a shortened version of a dharma talk I gave during the Black, Indigenous, and People of Color Retreat at IMS’s Retreat Center in June 2022 and published in IMS's newsletter October 2022.

To listen to the full talk, click here.

The post Don’t Worry, Be Happy! appeared first on RuthKing.net.