Sonia Frontera's Blog
February 25, 2019
Escape from the Traps that Keep You in an Unhappy Marriage
You’re unhappy in your marriage and the thought of divorce has crossed your mind--often. You’re looking out the window with your sneakers on, pondering whether to stay or to run as fast as you can. But you’re still in. Why?
There’s no escaping until you figure out what are the barriers to your freedom. Unless you identify them you won’t be able to take action and overcome them.
In this 4-part series, I will discuss some of the classic traps that keep women in miserable marriages and ways to reclaim your power and enjoy a life of freedom and fulfillment.
Are you stuck in any of them?
Keep reading and find out!
Financial Dependence
Many women stay in unhappy marriages and toxic relationships because they depend on their partners for support. They may think they don’t have the earning capacity to support themselves if they were on their own. Or they may have become used to an affluent lifestyle that they would hate to give up in a divorce.
Are you one of them? If so, there’s hope!
I know that financial dependence is a powerful deterrent. But it’s like staying in the job from hell for the health benefits, even though the job is making you sick! Financial fears are the result of limiting thinking you can overcome.
It is inevitable that a divorce will result in supporting two households with the money that supported just one. But you have the power to write your own ticket to joy, freedom and success! Once you have removed yourself from a toxic marriage that holds you back, you can harness your strength to create a brand new future.
Things can and will change for the better if you put your heart and mind to it.
Start by looking for sources of inspiration and information! My favorite motivational book is “The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be” by Jack Canfield. It offers 67 proven principles used by successful people that will help you achieve what you want--including financial freedom--no matter where you are in life at this moment. This book transformed my life and it can help you transform yours by creating action plans that yield results!
Take baby steps and educate yourself regarding money matters. The Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE) offers financial literacy information about budgeting, investing and retirement to women in all stages in life, including divorce. Or book an appointment with a life or financial coach to help you dispel financial disempowering beliefs and put in place an abundance strategy.
Do your homework and tap into every available source of information and inspiration and begin your journey of financial empowerment and liberation. Which leads to the second trap, also related to financial concerns...
Lack of Education and Skills
Are you stuck with your husband because you’re afraid that you don't have the education and skills you need to earn enough money to support yourself?
Granted, skills are necessary to make a living, especially at higher income levels. But your skills can be enhanced, so you can have access to better employment opportunities.
Is there a dream job that makes your heart go “thump?” Research your dream job and find out what skills and training are required to do it. The training you need may be more accessible than you think. Stop by your local Unemployment or Department of Labor offices for assistance and career counseling. Get information about training programs designed to help people like you change careers and improve their skills sets.
Investigate class offerings at your local vocational schools and community colleges and look at adult education courses, grants and scholarships available. Some of these schools have placement programs that can help you find a job when you complete your studies.
This may surprise you but...do you realize you may already possess skills and personal qualities that make you a dream employee? Maybe you are incredibly organized, personable or have the ability to multitask. These skills have value! I can tell you from having worked as a recruiter, that employers are willing to train people who are driven, hardworking and eager to learn and grow.
And stop by your local library to find out more about the many resources that could transform you into the confident employee any employer would be lucky to hire!
Lack of Information
Some say ignorance is bliss, but it can also be a trap if you’re in an unhappy marriage. Not knowing your rights and options will trick you into making life-altering decisions from a position of weakness.
And oftentimes our husbands keep us blinded behind a veil of self-serving propaganda. You may be trapped in a prison of fear under threats that he will take the kids away, throw you out on the streets or get you deported.
Information is power! If your husband is clouding your vision by painting frightening scenarios, get the correct information and set yourself free. The odds are that he is bluffing to keep you under his spell!
Seek counsel from an attorney, a non-profit organization or other reputable sources. Research the questions that matter to you the most. With the right information, you can examine your marriage and make the decision to divorce or to stay from a position of strength.
Set yourself free to live the life of your dreams!
Do you feel trapped in your marriage? What holds you back and what are your freedom strategies?
I’d love to hear from you! Share your insights with your sisters by posting a comment below.
Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there's life after separation. Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller "Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?"
She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.
Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.
There’s no escaping until you figure out what are the barriers to your freedom. Unless you identify them you won’t be able to take action and overcome them.
In this 4-part series, I will discuss some of the classic traps that keep women in miserable marriages and ways to reclaim your power and enjoy a life of freedom and fulfillment.
Are you stuck in any of them?
Keep reading and find out!
Financial Dependence
Many women stay in unhappy marriages and toxic relationships because they depend on their partners for support. They may think they don’t have the earning capacity to support themselves if they were on their own. Or they may have become used to an affluent lifestyle that they would hate to give up in a divorce.
Are you one of them? If so, there’s hope!
I know that financial dependence is a powerful deterrent. But it’s like staying in the job from hell for the health benefits, even though the job is making you sick! Financial fears are the result of limiting thinking you can overcome.
It is inevitable that a divorce will result in supporting two households with the money that supported just one. But you have the power to write your own ticket to joy, freedom and success! Once you have removed yourself from a toxic marriage that holds you back, you can harness your strength to create a brand new future.
Things can and will change for the better if you put your heart and mind to it.
Start by looking for sources of inspiration and information! My favorite motivational book is “The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be” by Jack Canfield. It offers 67 proven principles used by successful people that will help you achieve what you want--including financial freedom--no matter where you are in life at this moment. This book transformed my life and it can help you transform yours by creating action plans that yield results!
Take baby steps and educate yourself regarding money matters. The Women’s Institute for Financial Education (WIFE) offers financial literacy information about budgeting, investing and retirement to women in all stages in life, including divorce. Or book an appointment with a life or financial coach to help you dispel financial disempowering beliefs and put in place an abundance strategy.
Do your homework and tap into every available source of information and inspiration and begin your journey of financial empowerment and liberation. Which leads to the second trap, also related to financial concerns...
Lack of Education and Skills
Are you stuck with your husband because you’re afraid that you don't have the education and skills you need to earn enough money to support yourself?
Granted, skills are necessary to make a living, especially at higher income levels. But your skills can be enhanced, so you can have access to better employment opportunities.
Is there a dream job that makes your heart go “thump?” Research your dream job and find out what skills and training are required to do it. The training you need may be more accessible than you think. Stop by your local Unemployment or Department of Labor offices for assistance and career counseling. Get information about training programs designed to help people like you change careers and improve their skills sets.
Investigate class offerings at your local vocational schools and community colleges and look at adult education courses, grants and scholarships available. Some of these schools have placement programs that can help you find a job when you complete your studies.
This may surprise you but...do you realize you may already possess skills and personal qualities that make you a dream employee? Maybe you are incredibly organized, personable or have the ability to multitask. These skills have value! I can tell you from having worked as a recruiter, that employers are willing to train people who are driven, hardworking and eager to learn and grow.
And stop by your local library to find out more about the many resources that could transform you into the confident employee any employer would be lucky to hire!
Lack of Information
Some say ignorance is bliss, but it can also be a trap if you’re in an unhappy marriage. Not knowing your rights and options will trick you into making life-altering decisions from a position of weakness.
And oftentimes our husbands keep us blinded behind a veil of self-serving propaganda. You may be trapped in a prison of fear under threats that he will take the kids away, throw you out on the streets or get you deported.
Information is power! If your husband is clouding your vision by painting frightening scenarios, get the correct information and set yourself free. The odds are that he is bluffing to keep you under his spell!
Seek counsel from an attorney, a non-profit organization or other reputable sources. Research the questions that matter to you the most. With the right information, you can examine your marriage and make the decision to divorce or to stay from a position of strength.
Set yourself free to live the life of your dreams!
Do you feel trapped in your marriage? What holds you back and what are your freedom strategies?
I’d love to hear from you! Share your insights with your sisters by posting a comment below.
Sonia Frontera is a family attorney, empowerment trainer and full-time doggie mom. She is the proud survivor of an unhappy marriage, a liberating divorce and is living proof that there's life after separation. Sonia is the author of the #1 bestseller "Solve the Divorce Dilemma: Do You Keep Your Husband or Do You Post Him on Craigslist?"
She loves to hear from readers and can be reached at her internet home.
Sign up for more blog posts and freebies here! And join our Sisterhood on Facebook.
February 14, 2019
Is Valentine's Day Overrated?
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching… Are you feeling depressed yet?
For many of us, Valentine’s Day, a holiday that is supposed to celebrate the beauty of love and friendship, has become a source of anxiety and pain. Why?
Because Valentine’s Day reminds us of the ways we do not measure up, fit in or have enough.
We have been brainwashed to believe that we must be in a happy relationship with an affluent, thoughtful and generous companion to be happy.
Commercials start early on flashing at us diamonds, romantic scenes and marriage proposals.
As the day goes on in the office, we keep seeing the delivery guys from the flower shops bringing in the bouquets—the spring mixes, the roses, the long-stemmed roses—and we wonder…it that one mine? When will mine come in?
So, if you’re the unlucky gal who got the gas station 3-mum-bouquet with the teddy bear on a stick, or worse—the boyfriend who forgot, or worst—no man at all, you will feel miserable and will wish that the calendar missed Valentine’s Day altogether.
Unfortunately, us women feel bad about ourselves on Valentine’s Day because we are conditioned to believe that we need a partner to validate our self-worth and to offer us gifts of flowers, candy and jewelry to demonstrate their affection.
With all this misplaced brouhaha, no wonder we lose the meaning of this joyful feast and the precious gift every moment brings with it.
I therefore declare that Valentine’s Day is an overrated holiday and propose changing the rules of engagement from this day forward!
Make this Valentine’s Day your best up to now and keep on making them better and better every year!
The simple solution to enjoying ourselves without a partner is to nurture ourselves and to give to ourselves those things we have been trained to expect from a partner.
Self-worth comes from within and can be cultivated. With a little self-care and love towards others, you can make this Valentine’s Day the best up to now!
Here are some easy ideas:
1. Buy yourself flowers the week before Valentine’s Day, before prices go up, and enjoy their beauty for days before the depressing holiday.
2. Go to the spa or even better--turn your home into a spa and treat yourself to a scented bubble bath with candles, music, a glass of wine a hair and facial treatment, and emerge feeling like a goddess.
3. Buy yourself a beautiful piece of jewelry to represent your unwavering commitment to put yourself first. Remember those right-hand rings that were popular 15 years ago? Women of the world, raise your right hands!
4. Have a party with your unattached friends and share the genuine beauty of love and friendship, which is what Valentine’s Day is truly about. Have each guest bring a festive dish and a small present and have a secret-cupid gift exchange.
5. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Performing acts of kindness makes us realize how blessed we are and be grateful for the things we do have instead of focusing on what we lack. Doing nice things for others takes the focus off our limitations and puts us in a happier state of mind.
6. Have a special date with your pet! Take your dog for a long walk in the woods, a play date at the park or curl up with your kitty and watch your favorite movie.
7. Treat yourself to the book you’ve been dying to read and don’t stop until you’re finished!
8. Have a fun date with a child! Do you have a friend or relative with a delightful young kid? Offer to babysit and play with the child, play like a child! Do something you enjoyed doing when you were a kid! Your friend will be grateful for the couple time with his or her significant other and you will feel great about yourself.
This are just eight ideas, but the possibilities are endless!
What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year!
Life is not a dress rehearsal. May you enjoy the beautiful life you deserve!
For many of us, Valentine’s Day, a holiday that is supposed to celebrate the beauty of love and friendship, has become a source of anxiety and pain. Why?
Because Valentine’s Day reminds us of the ways we do not measure up, fit in or have enough.
We have been brainwashed to believe that we must be in a happy relationship with an affluent, thoughtful and generous companion to be happy.
Commercials start early on flashing at us diamonds, romantic scenes and marriage proposals.
As the day goes on in the office, we keep seeing the delivery guys from the flower shops bringing in the bouquets—the spring mixes, the roses, the long-stemmed roses—and we wonder…it that one mine? When will mine come in?
So, if you’re the unlucky gal who got the gas station 3-mum-bouquet with the teddy bear on a stick, or worse—the boyfriend who forgot, or worst—no man at all, you will feel miserable and will wish that the calendar missed Valentine’s Day altogether.
Unfortunately, us women feel bad about ourselves on Valentine’s Day because we are conditioned to believe that we need a partner to validate our self-worth and to offer us gifts of flowers, candy and jewelry to demonstrate their affection.
With all this misplaced brouhaha, no wonder we lose the meaning of this joyful feast and the precious gift every moment brings with it.
I therefore declare that Valentine’s Day is an overrated holiday and propose changing the rules of engagement from this day forward!
Make this Valentine’s Day your best up to now and keep on making them better and better every year!
The simple solution to enjoying ourselves without a partner is to nurture ourselves and to give to ourselves those things we have been trained to expect from a partner.
Self-worth comes from within and can be cultivated. With a little self-care and love towards others, you can make this Valentine’s Day the best up to now!
Here are some easy ideas:
1. Buy yourself flowers the week before Valentine’s Day, before prices go up, and enjoy their beauty for days before the depressing holiday.
2. Go to the spa or even better--turn your home into a spa and treat yourself to a scented bubble bath with candles, music, a glass of wine a hair and facial treatment, and emerge feeling like a goddess.
3. Buy yourself a beautiful piece of jewelry to represent your unwavering commitment to put yourself first. Remember those right-hand rings that were popular 15 years ago? Women of the world, raise your right hands!
4. Have a party with your unattached friends and share the genuine beauty of love and friendship, which is what Valentine’s Day is truly about. Have each guest bring a festive dish and a small present and have a secret-cupid gift exchange.
5. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Performing acts of kindness makes us realize how blessed we are and be grateful for the things we do have instead of focusing on what we lack. Doing nice things for others takes the focus off our limitations and puts us in a happier state of mind.
6. Have a special date with your pet! Take your dog for a long walk in the woods, a play date at the park or curl up with your kitty and watch your favorite movie.
7. Treat yourself to the book you’ve been dying to read and don’t stop until you’re finished!
8. Have a fun date with a child! Do you have a friend or relative with a delightful young kid? Offer to babysit and play with the child, play like a child! Do something you enjoyed doing when you were a kid! Your friend will be grateful for the couple time with his or her significant other and you will feel great about yourself.
This are just eight ideas, but the possibilities are endless!
What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year!
Life is not a dress rehearsal. May you enjoy the beautiful life you deserve!
