Janette Rallison's Blog, page 31

Book give-away

I put up the ebook edition of My Double Life a couple of months ago.  The awesome part--I included two bonus scenes that I couldn't put in the print book. The problem with writing in first person is you can only write the scenes that your main character is in. I wanted to write the scene where Alexia's parents met after their long separation and the scene where Alexia's father told Grant who she was, but Alexia was clearly not there in either of those scenes. Thank goodness for the magic of ebooks. Now both of those scenes are in the back of the ebook. However, since the book is technically a different book than the print My Double Life, it's low on reader reviews. I know a lot of you have read the book (and if not, hey, it's only 2.99) so I'm doing a giveaway based on reviews. At the end of the week I'll count up the new reviews for My Double Life ebook edition, and I'll give away a book to one of every five reviewers. (Your choice of: Slayers; Erasing Time; My Fair Godmother; How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-boyfriend; My Double Life; Just One Wish; It's a Mall World After All; Life, Love and the Pursuit of Free Throws; or Revenge of the Cheerleaders; or ebooks of Masquerade; or Blue Eyes and Other Teenage Hazards)  
As usual, I'll let Random.org choose the winners. If your name doesn't show up in your review, then leave me a comment telling me which review you gave. They don't have to even be good reviews. If you have constructive criticism, I'm happy to hear that too. Here's the link:
My Double Life

Every writer feels this way sometimes . . .

Kids and a restaurant: never a good combination

We don't go to sit down restaurants very often. Last week, I was reminded why.

We took our four at-home-kids and temp kid, French foreign exchange student, out to a restaurant called The Crazy Cow. I will have to do a blog sometime about bad restaurant names, and The Crazy Cow will definitely be on that list. When my husband suggested the place, I said, "Should we really eat somewhere that basically has mad cow disease in the title?"

The restaurant turned out to have great food, so you can't always judge a restaurant by it's name (just like that whole judging a book by it's cover thing).

The only table that was big enough for all of us was off in a dining room without other patrons. This turned out to be a good thing. After my kids ordered, they were immediately bored. Oldest son picked up a half and half creamer, ripped it open, downed it, then reached for another. I calmly explained that the condiments on the table weren't appetizers and told him to stop.

Eldest son then picked up another creamer and bet everyone at the table he could turn it into butter. I calmly explained that shaking only worked on cream, not creamer. No matter, he and youngest daughter both sat there shaking creamers.

Younger son got up from the table and went poking around the waitress station to see if they had any crackers there.

I told him that the waitress station wasn't a salad bar, and he couldn't go poking around random places for food. Then I  pointed out that there was a camera in the dining room which the waitresses probably used to check on the diners. (I really hope it wasn't recording video that will subsequently show up on some reality show about bad patrons,)

Younger son, unrepentant, told me that if the waitress was watching, maybe she would hurry with our food. He took three jam packets and a torn piece of straw wrapper and tried to simulate a shell game.

My husband moved the condiments away from the children.

Oldest son then squished his straw wrapper into a small ball, then added drops of water to it. The thing grew and slithered like a miniature trash snake, amusing the children so much that they all repeated this feat with their straw wrappers.

I threatened the children with scenarios that involved my husband and I moving to another table and pretending we didn't know them. Most of the children were thrilled with this idea until I clarified that they would be paying for their own meals.

My sons then used their silverware, the salt and pepper shakers, and one of the shaken-but-not-turned-to-butter creamers to form their own version of table hockey.

The French foreign exchange student is probably quite impressed with American families. We are awesome examples of good manners.

At that point I made a pact with my husband that for the rest of the children's lives, should we need to buy food from a restaurant, it will have to be a drive through.

And yes, we did leave a big tip.

The Enrique Awards. It's time to vote on the worst pickup lyrics

I enjoy a good love song with a catchy beat. Sadly, there are some performers who ruin their songs by giving them lyrics so horrible that I can't listen to the music without cringing.

For example, a few singers seem to completely miss the point of pickup lines. If you're trying to get a girl or guy to like you, then you shouldn't appear to be a stalker or, nearly as bad--a completely crass dolt.

Enrique Iglesia's song I Want to Love You Tonight is the prime example of the bad pickup song--because the real lyrics aren't, "I want to love you tonight." They're actually, "I want to (insert a term here that would get you slapped in any civilized country and beheaded in a few other ones) tonight."

In honor of Enrique's tastelessness I created the Enrique Iglesia's Memorial Worst Pickup Lyrics in a Song Award.

To see other year's awards go to:
http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2011/04/vote-for-worst-song-pick-up-lines_26.html

http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2012/06/worst-pick-up-lyrics-award-2012.html

http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2012/10/train-lyrics-intervention.html

Without further ado let's vote for this year's contenders. I must mention that this year many of the songs had a death-wish bent to them that added to their creepiness. Apparently the music industry needs some Prozac.



1) Die Youngby Ke$ha
I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums
Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone
So while you're here in my arms
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young

We're gonna die young
We're gonna die young

Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young
Let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young

If you want to pick someone up, perhaps you shouldn't immediately plunge into speculations about his untimely death—or speak of your own death as if it’s an exciting event. It makes people wonder exactly what sort of trouble you’re planning, and if any of it involves fleeing from the police. 
Maybe the reason she can hear his heart beating so hard is that he’s pondering his chances of escaping her clutches.
Bonus Die Young bad lyrics: This song also includes possibly the tackiest line ever to be sung over the airwaves:It's pretty obvious that you've got a crush (you know)
That magic in your pants, it's making me blush (for sure)Magic in your pants? *Cringes* Please do us all a favor and pay Taylor Swift to write your next lyrics.
2) DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again
by Usher


 Keep downing drinks like there's no tomorrow there's just right now, now, now, now, now,
Gonna set the roof on fire
Gonna burn this mother* down, down, down, down, down, down
 . . . Swear I seen you before
I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
Yeah, baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
 Um, it might not be the DJ that's got you falling in love--it's probably all the Coors Light. Just saying.
The song goes on to say: So dance, dance like it's the last, last night of your life, lifeWhen did dancing become the equivalent to uttering your last words?
3) Florida Georgia Line
Cruise

These guys are adorable and I like their music, but I also wonder if they completely speak English.

Baby you a song. 
You make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise down a back road blowin' stop signs through the middle
Every little farm town with you.

I heard these lyrics and thought two things: 1) You should meet Ke$sha. You're probably her kind of driver. And 2) I'm not a grammar Nazi or anything, but I feel an insistent need to take a red pen to your lyrics. I'll let the "Baby you a song" slide, but that missing "of" in that last sentence is just wrong.


 4) Locked Out of Heaven
by Bruno Mars

 Your (insert a word that implies procreation and would get my blog banned if I used it) takes me to paradise.
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cause you make feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah you make feel like, I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long

Oh yeah yeah yeah Ooh! Oh yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah yeah Ooh!

You bring me to my knees
You make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates cause I can't wait to see the light


As a writer, I appreciate good metaphors and similes. Sadly this song's lyrics don't fall under that category. Let's ignore the fact that all of this is tacky. Let's also ignore the fact that throwing in a bunch of "Oh yeah yeah yeahs" does nothing to improve the song. The simile isn't clear. You feel like you've been locked out of heaven for too long? What exactly does that mean? She makes you feel like you're in Hades right now? She makes you feel like you want to die and end it all? Or are you saying, in an unclear manner, that now you're in heaven whereas before you weren't? 

At any rate, maybe Bruno should get used to being locked out of heaven since I doubt anyone beyond the Pearly Gates will appreciate these lyrics.




And that "Open up your gates" lyric, well, I'm rethinking the "magic in your pants" as being the tackiest line ever sung. 


So dear music aficionados, those are the contestants for the bad pickup lyrics this year. Vote for the one you think is most deserving, or nominate your own.

But it would be a good keynote address

I'm giving two keynote addresses in upcoming writing conferences. The problem is, I keep thinking of the really motivational keynote address James Owen gave at the ANWA conference. I won't ever be able to give such a moving talk unless I get stranded in Ireland and/or get in a crippling car crash. I'm unwilling to do either of those things.  But this . . . this might work.
If you want to attend either of the writing conferences where I may or may not be telling James Owen's life story. They are: LDStormakers in Kansas, Sept 25th, and Western Legends Roundup in Kanab, UT, October 25-26 )

The winner is Becky @BecksterMay

Actually, Random first picked my daughter--which goes to show you that Random.org has a sense of humor. I sent her the manuscript months ago and she still hasn't read it.

 So Becky, send me your address and I'll pop your ARC in the mail. You can reach me at jrallisonfans at yahoo dot com

Slayers: Friends and Traitors give-away

I just got an ARC for Slayers: Friends and Traitors. I am very excited about this fact, even if it does mean that I have to learn how to spell traitors. (I keep trying to spell it with an er instead of the or. What is up with that anyway? We've got dancer, fighter, officer, and three thousand other job descriptions that end in er, but traitor is spelled with an o. Whoever created English spelling should be smacked.)

Anyway, because I know so many of you are anxious to read the next Slayers installment, I'm doing a give-away.  I need to add a disclaimer though. An ARC (advance reading copy) isn't the finished book. It's made of the galleys which is the copy before the last changes. Usually there are a few mistakes and typos in the ARCs. In this ARC there are a lot. I have a character crimple to the ground. Instead of going somewhere, at one point someone is soing somewhere. And it looks like I pretty much sprinkled commas randomly through the manuscript. Stuff like that. So keep in mind that the final copy (knock on wood) will be much cleaner.

I'm doing things a bit different for this give-away. Usually I choose someone from the comments. I just started tweeting as CJ Hill though, and I need followers so my publisher doesn't think I'm friendless. So at the end of the week, I'm going to choose one of my CJ Hill followers and I'll send them the ARC.

To find me on twitter, look for authorCJHill

Good luck!

The graduation blues

It's my least favorite time of year. That time when  retailers feel the need to herald the end of another school year with Congratulations Graduates of 2013 plates, cups, napkins, and balloons.

I've been a parent for the last 25 years. I don't remember what life was like before toys, piles of laundry, and homework were spread out over my house. My children are the best and most important thing to me. Next September my oldest son will leave home. In another year, my twins will graduate. The last thing I want is to be reminded of this fact every time I step into a store.

This is what grocery stores think I see when I walk down the bakery aisle:


This is what I actually see when I walk down the bakery aisle:

A special thanks to my son for drawing this cake. (And that's another thing--who is going to help me with computer stuff when they go? I soo need some chocolate . . . and maybe a therapist.)

These work for writers too

I was up all night working on the prequel novella for Slayers. The good news is that when it comes out, it will be free! The bad news is that I already killed off Nathan, Dr. B's brother, in the first book of Slayers and sadly there was not a good way to bring him back from the dead. Dang it.

So, as I stopped making any cognizant sense somewhere around 4:00 am, I thought I would share a picture from my son's comic blog. You can see other things he's drawn at http://theodd1sout.tumblr.com/

I'll be posting a real blog after I sleep.

My Double Life E-book

Remember months ago when I said I would have the ebook for My Double Life up soon?

Soon is a relative term.

Anyway, here it is for 2.99 with the bonus scenes included:http://www.amazon.com/My-Double-Life-ebook/dp/B00CRW7VKG/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1369119673&sr=1-2&keywords=my+double+life