Janette Rallison's Blog, page 24

Time Out For Writing: The twenty-something annual Conference

Want to learn about the craft, rub shoulders with other writers, find an angent or see Janette Rallison running around in a panic. (Did I mention I’m not only teaching at this confernece, I’m conference co-chair?)

Well then, my friend, you want to come to:
Time Out For Writing
ANWA Annual Writers Conference
Feb 19-21, 2015
Phoenix Area
General Public Invited
Brandon Mull and Regina Sirois are keynotes.
John Rudolph with Dystel & Goderich Literary Agency
Pam Van Hylckama Klieg with D4EO Literary Agency
Lisa Magnum with Shadow Mountain Publishing
McKenna Gardner with Xchyler Publishing
Heather Moore with Precision Edition Group

MORE GREAT FACULTY:
Janette Rallison
Julie Wright
Kelly Oram
Liz Adair
Penny Freeman
Sarah M. Eden
Tanya Parker Mills
Dave Eaton
John Wincek
Joshua Oram
Angela Morrison
Betty Webb
Dr. Christina G. Hibbert, PSY. D.

For more info and to register see:

http://www.anwa-lds.com/events/conference

First line poll

My oldest daughter is running a first line contest for her creative writing class. I think the students have come up with some really good ones. Choose your favorite here:

http://www.poll-maker.com/poll210870x19704113-8

 

I’m not dead yet

That’s a reference for all of you Monty Python fans. You may have wondered about my overlong absence from blogging. I’m not dead, although I di do something horrible to my back last week and now I can’t sit for more than a few seconds. Mostly I’ve been taking pain pills andlaying in the bath watching Poirot reruns. I may be conscious enough to move onto Merlin reruns now. We’ll see what the yet to be scheduled MRI reveals. (Why does it take doctors so long to do anything? Were they all publishers in a former life? Really, that would explain so much.)

On the plus side, if I’m on pain medication while writing Slayers 3,it may prove to be very intersting.

The Christmas Newsletter

Since I can’t send all of you my Christmas newsletter, I’m posting it here:

Greetings Rallison friends, families, and quirky sidekicks!

The theme of this year’s Christmas letter is: all the things I did this year when I was supposed to be writing the third Slayers book. (Sorry if you’re a Slayers fan and were expecting better news.)

On January 9th, I drove through a snow storm to be with Daughter # 1 while she introduced the cutest baby into the world. Since then, I’ve found lots of reasons to visit Utah and spend time with grandling. She is well supplied with baby toys.

Guy and I took a vacation to DC, where we drove around downtown looking for places for dramatic dragon attacks. I said something on my facebook page about congress being a likely place to assault. When I went to the airport, TSA took me aside to see if I’d been making explosives. I told them I didn’t even make dinner, but I still got the hand swipe.

After DC, Guy and I went to Cancun. No one there seemed to think I might be a terrorist. Apparently they don’t read my Facebook posts. Their loss.

I also went to four writing conferences (and I’m in charge of one happening in Feb). We went to a family reunion, took the family skiing, and somehow did enough driving to need to buy ten new tires. (Don’t ask.)

Novel number 22, Son of War, Daughter of Chaos, came out this summer. Like all of the rest of my books, if you buy a copy, it will make you instantly thin and witty. Unlike the rest of my books, flesh-eating-scarabs kill off characters. This is what happens when humor authors snap. Surprisingly several people, including my mother, say it’s their favorite of my books. Arianna has been bothering me for a sequel since the moment she finished the last page. (She’s got to get in line with all the Slayers fans.) She also recently read Echo in Time. Every time something happened that she didn’t like, she smacked me with the book and yelled, “Bad author! Stop ruining people’s lives!”

This is the downside of having your children read your books.

In other book news, the third fairy godmother book should be available in late February. This means I will have a few happy days at the end of that month before people start emailing me asking me when the fourth book will come out. Then I will sob silently.

Onto children news: Daughter #1 loves being a mom and an English teacher. (Probably in that order.)

Son #1 is enjoying his mission and sends home lots of pictures of himself doing impossibly hard gymnastics moves in various places in Colombia. He’s enthusiastic, even though his diet has consisted of lots of rice and beans–interspersed with chicken feet, fried pig skin, ants, and other things that make me shudder. Personally, I’d stick with the rice and beans.

The twins danced at the Gilbert Temple cultural celebration, learning what it means to dance in the rain. They both graduated from high school and started college. Twin #2 is adjusting to the colder climate of BYU Provo and all things sweaters, scarves, and coats. Twin # 1 is home going to a community college and has a ridiculously high amount of people following his webcomic. He was even approached by a New York publisher about the possibility of turning his comics into a book. He’s also dabbling in videos. You have to watch the one about the twins in prep school. The funniest thing about it is that it really happened. You can see it by searching youtube for: Freshman Year of Preparatory School or theodd1sout.

Daughter #3 has started gymnastics and is following her older sister’s footsteps into color guard. She also spent a week in Huntsville, Alabama at Space Camp.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She and Twin #2 somehow convinced me to go to the animal shelter, and now we have another dog. Moral of the story: Never, ever go to an animal shelter with your children. (But Poppy is adorable.) 

Husband #1 continues to play with fire, shoot rockets, and generally mess with things that could explode.

We’re all happy for this time of year when we spend time with family and take a few moments out of our busy life to contemplate the Savior’s life. We hope you have a joyous Christmas too!

The Rallisons

Winners are: Debbiedo, Tifani, and Sandra

Debbiedo will get the Gathering,  Tifani the Healing Stone, and Sandra Persona Non Grata

Please send me your addresses at jrallisonfans at yahoo dot com so I can send you your books!

Three LDS authors book giveaway

Need an awesome present for someone? (or for yourself? Hey, you deserve it.) How about a signed copy of a book? On this blog I’ll be giving away three books.

These authors are personal friends of mine and they are witty, and wise, and all around great guys. I picked up their books at the panel last Saturday and now you can score one. Just leave a comment about which book you’d prefer.and I’ll have Random.org choose three winners.

John Williams knows conditions in the United States are getting worse, but when his oldest son, Robert, comes home early from his mission and John receives a special Church calling, suddenly everything comes into perspective—the Second Coming is closer than he ever thought possible.

John travels to the middle of nowhere to build Camp Valiant, a future gathering place for Latter-day Saints, leaving Robert to protect the family from the escalating violence and crime in their town. And as rumors swirl throughout the country that those sworn to protect the United States may, in fact, be the ones tearing it apart, Secretary of State Calvin McCord decides to uncover the truth, no matter the consequences.

Compelling characters and political intrigue allow The Gathering to paint a thrilling yet realistic view of the Second Coming’s beginning. As the threads of society begin to unravel around them, the Williams family must find a way to tie their faith together as they prepare for this most glorious event.

 

Abandoned in a graveyard and a mother who was never found — that’s all Stone Molony knows about his birth. But now he needs to know more. A tragic accident has awakened a powerful gift inside him that changes everything. As the town stirs up around him, Stone journeys through corruption, racism, and violence to uncover the truth about his past

 

 

 

Paladin Smith seems to be an ordinary high school history teacher—and LDS seminary instructor. But Paladin’s checkered past comes back to haunt him when an unexpected visitor shows up in his classroom with news about a former student, Victoria Grant, who’s all grown up—and in trouble.

Now Paladin is going to Crimea, in former Soviet Russia, with an uncomplicated task: find Victoria Grant and bring her home. But when his simple mission thrusts him headlong into an international conspiracy and a countdown to invasion, Paladin finds himself on a collision course with the American embassy, the royalty of Crimea, and the powers of Eastern Europe.

Dive into a world of corrupt diplomats and ambitious tyrants as Paladin follows the Spirit to not only rescue an old friend, but also to save a free people from the jaws of dictatorship. Paladin Smith and Victoria Grant are about to change the world.

 

Come See Me Sat, Dec 6 at the Tempe Library

Hey AZ peeps, I’ll be with other local authors this Saturday at the Light and Life Panel, Saturday  11:00 AM

Computer Access Center Classroom at Tempe Public Library

3500 S Rural Rd

Tempe, Arizona

You can get more details at the library website: http://phoenix.eventful.com/events/light-and-life-panel-/E0-001-074228246-2

For some reason there is a picture of a merry-go-round on the event page and I’m listed as a performer . . . but I’m not going to let that worry me . . .

The 2014 Enrique worst-pick-up-lyrics Awards

Love songs should make you feel . . . well, loved. Ideally, you should be able to serenade your intended with a love song and make him/her feel all fluttery and interested. The Enrique Awards are for songs with pick up lines that have the opposite effect. (Named after Enrique Iglessia’s song, I Want to Love You Tonight  which is actually called I Want to–insert the crassest term you can think of here–You Tonight. Yeah, I bet that song helped him pick up some classy chicks.)

You wouldn’t think singers would sing songs that make them look like they don’t have a basic understanding of how to attract people, but alas it’s never hard to find bad lyrics.

Mind you, most of the nominees are songs I like. I wouldn’t have listened to the lyrics otherwise. So I’m not faulting the artists for their voices or talent. These singers just need someone to take them by the hand and point out—in a gentle and kind manner—that if you want to make headway in the love department, you shouldn’t sound like a stalker, a user, or a psycho.

Me and My Broken Heart by Rixton

All I need’s a little love in my life

All I need’s a little love in the dark

A little but I’m hoping it might kick start

Me and my broken heart,  I need a little loving tonight

Listen up, Rixton. Girls want to feel like you have an interest in them because of who they are. They want to know they’re special to you. No one wants to be the girl who’s just there for the rebound. Besides, a little love in the dark isn’t going to cure your broken heart. It may, however, give you other medical issues—some of which can’t be cured with antibiotics. Just saying.

Empire by Shakira

Take off all of your skin

I’m brave when you are free

Shake off all of your sins

And give them to me . . .

And the stars make love to the universe

And you touch me

And I’m like and I’m like and I’m like Ooh ooooooh

And I’m like ooh ooh

And I’m like ooh ooh

And I’m like ooh

Okay, let’s forget that the phrase, “And the stars make love to the universe” presents a weird visual image. Really, stars just sit in the night sky glowing. They don’t change or really do anything. So yeah . . . lets work on those metaphor a bit more, shall we?

Anyway, on to the other lyrics:

And I’m like and I’m like and I’m like oooooohhhoooo.

I’m presuming that “oooooohhhooo,” is the sound of thousands of English teachers moaning because Shakira is a grown woman who has written a song that makes her sound like a stuttering valley girl.

Also the first line: Take off all of your skin . . .  Say that to any normal guy and watch him back slowly away from you. Cause’ it sounds like something Hannibal Lecter would say.

Black Widow by Iggy Azalea

I’m gonna love you

Until you hate me

And I’m gonna show you

What’s really crazy

You know that saying, “You had me at hello?” Well, this song lost me at: “I’m going to love you until you hate me.”

That’s not a pick up line, it’s a warning label. The song probably has other lyrics, but I haven’t heard them because I always flip through the radio stations trying to find a song that doesn’t seem quite so much like a personal threat.

Animals by Maroon Five

Baby, I’m preying on you tonight

Hunt you down eat you alive

Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals

Maybe you think that you can hide

I can smell your scent for miles

Just like animals, animals, like animals-mals

Ah Maroon 5, before you wrote those lyrics you should have watched a few nature videos. No one has ever seen the mating rituals of the squid or the elephants or especially black widow spiders and thought, “Hey, that looks chalk full of romance. I’d like to be treated that way!”

Also, if you feel you have to hunt down a girl, maybe  you should read those restraining orders a bit more carefully. And that scent you can smell for miles? Yeah, that’s called pepper spray.

Blank Space by Taylor Swift

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They’ll tell you I’m insane

But I’ve got a blank space, baby

And I’ll write your name . . .

Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no

Screaming, crying, perfect storms . . .

I get drunk on jealousy

But you’ll come back each time you leave

‘Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Well . . . so . . . I guess we don’t have to wonder anymore about why she goes through guys so fast. (*Puts hand to mouth and hopes that none of this song is true, because I really want to like Taylor Swift.*)

Note to the next guy who dates Taylor: Do yourself a favor. Call that long list of ex-lovers.

So blog readers, cast your vote for the worst song lyrics and we’ll decide who takes home the Enrique Award this year.

To see past years’ awards check out: 2011 http://janetterallison.com/blog/vote-for-the-worst-song-pick-up-lines-the-enrique-award/

2012 http://janette-rallison.blogspot.com/2012/06/worst-pick-up-lyrics-award-2012.html

http://janetterallison.com/blog/a-lyrics-intervention-train-does-it-again/

2013 http://janetterallison.com/blog/the-enrique-awards-its-time-to-vote-on-the-worst-pickup-lyrics/

See me Nov 21 & 22 (And buy

Can’t get enough of Janette Rallison? (And really, who can?)

Here are two cool events I’ll be doing. (Yes, I will have copies of Son of War, Daughter of Chaos.)

1) The Chandler Art and Author Walk on Friday, Nov 21 6-10 pm. Come find me at the ANWA booth. I’m assuming we won’t actually be forced to walk around historic downtown in some sort of death march, but you never know.

located in the Downtown Chandler Historic Square at 3 S. Arizona Ave

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) Barnes & Noble Bookfair

1:00-3:00 pm Booksigning and general chattiness with the marvelous Aprilynne Pike and Erin Lange

Dana Park Village

1758 South Val Vista Drive

Mesa, AZ 85204

480-545-8507

 

Begin your season of giving with a variety of activities from Kids Need to Read. A portion of your purchases during the bookfair will be donated to Kids Need to Read by Barnes & Noble. All you have to do is bring the flyer or mention our bookfair at the register!

Can’t make it into the store? Visit Barnes & Noble bookfairs to support us online from 11/21/14 to 11/28/14 by entering Bookfair ID 11479540 at checkout. Please consider us during your Black Friday shopping online!

Just One Wish .99

(And if you’re like me, you spend more on overdue fines at the library. So just save yourself the hassle and gas and buy it now.)

Also you can find a ton more ebooks at bargain prices at: http://bookmarkedbargains.blogspot.com/ (Until the 20th–although I’m keeping Just One Wish on sale until the 24th.)

This is a great opportunity to stock on some great reading options. This event only happens twice a year. With the holidays, coming up, be sure to check out the various genres.