Rachel Rener's Blog, page 8

✨The Greatest Story Ever Written in the Entire History of the Universe ✨

From the minds that brought you the Gilded Blood and Hell In Haven series, comes a contemporary fantasy satire like no other…

Chet Williams, a fantasy-writer extraordinaire in his own mind, has been rejected one too many times. For far too long, his genius has gone unnoticed. But when Chet stumbles upon a secret that could shake the publishing world to its core, his ambitions are finally realized...for better or for worse.

Come experience the most profound romance of all time: an egomaniac's undying love for himself.



"Utterly brilliant and captivating. If you don't like this book, you clearly don't appreciate superior intelligence, unparalleled talent, and staggering 'genius-ness.'" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- David Green, co-author of THE PILFERED QUILL

"Probably one of greatest stories ever written - not including my numerous other literary masterpieces, that is. Six stars out of five!" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- Rachel Rener, co-author of THE PILFERED QUILL

Read THE PILFERED QUILL for 99 cents!

You can also get 20% off signed copies via Rachel's shop with promo code WINTER20 !

Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Reading!❤️



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Upcoming events (so many!!!) and New Release Alert!

Happy Tuesday!

Before I bring you some awesome news, I have a small favor. Google has been erroneously marking certain newsletters and subscriptions as malicious when they are, in fact, totally benign - like mine! So if this post ended up in your Spam or Promotions folder, would you kindly mark it as "Not Spam"? Unless you no longer want to hear from me, in which case you can reply to this email directly and tell me to buzz off!

Okay, now for the good stuff!

First and foremost, THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me get Jinxed back online after Amazon determined I had pirated my own book. Truly, I can't thank you enough for that, since other authors have lost their books for entire weeks () and you helped me get Jinxed back online within DAYS, you freaking legends! As my sales and rankings still haven't recovered from the fiasco, if you happen to know anyone who might enjoy a steamy, hilarious portal fantasy with smoldering incubi and Jewish mothers, would you consider recommending the Gilded Blood series? Anyone who does will get a free virtual basket of muffins from yours truly!

Upcoming Events and Signings

2024 is looking to be as busy, if not busier than 2023, and I cannot wait to meet as many of you in person as I possibly can! Here's where I'll be (so far) this year, with events continually being added to my calendar.

2nd and Charles Romance Authors Event

 ◈ When: Saturday, February 10th, noon-2pm

 ◈ Where: 2nd & Charles, Lakewood (Colorado Mills Mall)



Readers Take Denver 2024

 ◈ When: Saturday, April 20th, 2024

◈ Where: Gaylord Rockies, Aurora, CO



Denver FanExpo 2024 (exact details to be finalized)

◈ When: July 4-7, 2024

◈ Where: Colorado Convention Center, Denver, CO



San Diego Comic Con

◈ When: July 25–28

◈ Where: San Diego Convention Center, San Diego, CA



Glasgow WorldCon

◈ When: August 8-12

◈ Where: Scottish Events Campus in Glasgow, Scotland



Fort Collins Comic Con 2024

◈ When: August 16-18, 2024

◈ Where: Fort Collins Senior Center, Fort Collins, Colorado



Salt Lake City Fan Expo 2024

◈ When: September 26-28

◈ Where: Salt Palace Convention Center, SLC, Utah



(Not gonna lie, seeing my summer travel plans listed out like this makes me feel preemptively tired)

If you'd like to request my appearance at a book signing, book club, or fantasy-/book-related convention, you can do so here. I hope to see you at one (or more) of these fabulous events this year! ❤️

Upcoming New Release!

David Green and I are so excited to bring you our satirical contemporary fantasy, The Pilfered Quill, available February 13th!

Chet Williams, a fantasy-writer extraordinaire in his own mind, has been rejected one too many times. For far too long, his genius has gone unnoticed. But when Chet stumbles upon a secret that would shake the publishing world to its core, his ambitions are finally realized...for better or for worse.

This Valentine's Day, come experience the most profound love of all time: an egomaniac's undying love for himself.

Preorder THE PILFERED QUILL for 99 cents!

You can also get 20% off signed copies at my shop with promo code WINTER20 !

Last, but most definitely not least, I am so excited to announce that I am just 4 chapters away from completing my current manuscript, AMETHYSTS & ALCHEMY, the start of a brand new, cozy, neurospicy, rivals-to-lovers fantasy series! Once it's finished, I'll send it off to my agent for us to shop some of the bigger publishing houses. BUT, the nice part about being an indie author with a bit of clout is that I'm not desperate to sell. If they aren't willing to provide Delaney a good home, I'll be bringing her to you myself!

I hope you all have a wonderful week ahead!

Cheers!❤️

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Apology

I am devastated.

It has been brought my attention that JINXED, the second book in the Gilded Blood series, has been removed from Amazon for containing “content that’s widely available on the web, which is considered “disappointing content” for [Amazon’s] customers.”

There are three possible explanations for this: 1) two one-line song lyrics (which were quoted and credited on the copyright page), 2) small portions of the book that exist on my own domains in the form of quotes/snippets, or 3) blatant plagiarism, seeing as my books regularly show up on illegal pirate sites.

I  am absolutely gutted and am working feverishly with the bots--excuse me, “humans”--over at Amazon to rectify this as soon as possible.

Several of you have asked me how you can help. Apart from sharing my FB post and/or writing  the president of Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing (andy@amazon.com) to demand they reinstate Jinxed / ASIN B09WGYTN5F to the Kindle store, I can't think of anything else. Just you being here and showing your support means a lot to me.

In the meantime, if you are looking to get the 2nd book in the Gilded Blood series, signed copies are available at www.RachelRener.com. I’ll make sure ALL orders are shipped within 24 hours until this matter is rectified.



I am deeply, deeply sorry for the inconvenience❤️

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#Petty

Good afternoon. As many of you saw in my FB post yesterday, I had to deal with a pretty angry reader who reached out to me via DM to shame my book, Inked, and demand a refund:

The comment section on that post went wild, with many people suggesting I respond in a petty, spiteful, time-consuming and financially-irresponsible way for the sole purpose of teaching that person a lesson. Being the enlightened, intellectual, mature person I am, I took your advice to heart.

Thank you for being the terrible influences you are, including author J.D. Evans, who advised I add glitter to the package as well.

#petty

PS: for those of you who haven't yet met Talia, who, despite being "Too Stupid to Live," is one of my favorite characters to date, Inked is currently on sale for 99 pennies on Amazon!

In other news, Inked is officially a finalist in the Indie Ink Awards in FIVE categories:

Best book cover and cover artist Best light read Best use of tropes Prettiest book interior Side Character MVP

Thank you so much to all who voted! Judging will happen in February, it looks like, with winners being announced in the Spring. Huzzah!

Lastly, I just hit the 65% finished mark on my current novel, the first in a new cozy romantasy series!

Everyone have a wonderful weekend ahead, and remember: no one can call you Too Stupid to Live if you're still living!

Cheers!❤️

New Series Announcement!

Happy (Almost) New Year!

I've had a growing number of readers asking me what I'm writing next, so today I thought it might be fun to share a sneak peek of my newest fantasy series!

(The below derpy graphic is 100% UNOFFICIAL and done by li'l ol' me  )

Meet Delaney Stone: Neurospicy pharmacist, aviation enthusiast, and avid mineral collector--oh yeah, and she likes to eat rocks :)

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This is her trusty sidekick, Pokey. Together, they fly around the world collecting minerals to create Delaney's proprietary magical potions.

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This is Heath Spencer , Delaney's sworn enemy who owns the tacky and overpriced rock shop across the street, insists on calling her "Laney," and probably doesn't know the difference between a red beryl and a ruby.

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While I can't spoil too much of the plot at this stage, suffice it to say that when a new mineral is discovered on the other side of the globe, Delaney and Heath find themselves in forced, very-close proximity and sparks fly

As to whether those are romantic sparks or from Delaney righteously burning down Heath's hotel room, you'll just have to stay tuned to find out ;)

I used to eat dirt as a child.

And not just dirt. Sand, pebbles, and even small rocks held some strange, inexplicable allure over me. I would lie awake at night, thinking about all the minerals buried in the ground, just waiting to be unearthed – dozens and dozens of complex flavors I couldn’t even begin to imagine. Wherever my parents took me, and regardless of how fiercely they reprimanded me, I would put rocks in my mouth. The pediatrician diagnosed me with pica, a mental health disorder in which a person compulsively eats non-food items. They tried to medicate me, but it didn’t work. They tried intensive therapy, to no avail. My parents tried every trick in the book, ranging from begging to bribery, followed by increasingly severe punishments that had little effect on me. I couldn’t stop. My dentist bills, I’m frequently reminded, were through the roof. In fact, by the age of seventeen, my parents had to sell one of their two cars in order to afford a full set of dental implants to replace the teeth I’d ruined with what my therapist described as “massively disordered eating compulsions resulting from unverified childhood traumas.”

Because of that, I rarely smile.

It wouldn’t be until much later that I would understand the all-consuming, insatiable cravings that spurred me to eat a variety of rocks and minerals weren’t just a simple matter of pica, but an innate yearning for the secret magic contained within those rocks and minerals. The purer the mineral, and the cleaner the crystal, the more potent the magic; apatite for speed, celestite for strength, augite for powerful laxative effect that can only be assuaged by the smallest pinch of biotite lest you want to be intestinally backed up for a week.

I had to learn that the hard way.

- From my current work in progress, tentatively entitled "Amethysts and Alchemy".

© 2024 Lightning Conjurer Books, LLC



AMETHYSTS & ALCHEMY: Coming sometime soon, depending on my agent, the Powers That Be, and the state of the publishing world in 2024 

In other news, I spent the morning chatting with author Katherine D. Graham as part of an author spotlight to kick off her 2023/2024 New Year's Blitz. We had a delightful time and even sparked a fiery debate about romance in the comments! You can watch the full thirty-minute interview here.

(Don't you just love my Gollum-like expression in this screengrab? )

Thank you so much for being here and have a safe and wonderful New Year's weekend ahead, friends! ❤️

Freebie Alert!

If you missed out on yesterday's STUFF YOUR KINDLE Romance Freebie Extravaganza, never fear! Many of those books are on sale for one more day. You can find a full list here: www.romancebookworms.com

By the way, TWELVE THOUSAND units of Inked went out yesterday!!!

I hope at least a few of those are read and loved by new readers in 2024!

Presenting ALL 13 Gilded BIood illustrations (plus, the amulets have arrived!!)

Now that the Gilded Blood deluxe series omnibus is completely finished, bonus epilogue and all, I could not be more excited to share ALL 13 full-page, full-color illustrations, created by the brilliant Uwe Jarling! Are you ready for this???

Presenting them in order, beginning with - what else? - Butt Cobras!

And now for the brand-new illustrations...

(As always, beware of series spoilers!)

I honestly can't pick a favorite picture, as every single one of these came out even better than I had imagined, but I'd love to hear your favorites!

Now that all 13 illustrations are complete, the time has come to send the manuscript to the printer so we can prepare for next steps - i.e., formatting and getting proofs! I'll be sure to keep you all appraised every step of the way! In the meantime, here's a no-context spoiler from the never-before-seen Dee Dee and Biscuit short story!

Adorbsies, right?

Last but not least, the collectible pendants are finally finished and let me tell you, they look SO GOOD!!!

I wanted to commemorate the most important rune of the series in the most stunning, memorable way, and if you ask me, we nailed it! While these won't officially be available to the rest of the world until next year, those who supported the Kickstarter are more than welcome to order their pendants now as a small, gilded token of my thanks. As with most items in my shop, they include free next-day shipping!

Thank you so much again for your incredible support!❤️

PS: If you haven't already, I would appreciate it so much if you would consider voting for Inked in the 2023 Indie Ink Awards, where it was nominated for FIVE categories!

- Best book cover and cover artist

- Best light read

- Best use of tropes

- Prettiest book interior, &

- Side Character MVP

Even if Inked doesn't make it into the finals, simply being nominated means the world to me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love you've shown the Gilded Blood series this year!❤️

Wild Times Square Exposure (the good kind! ) and the Ink Awards!

First and foremost - Happy Friday!!! It's been a full 48 hours but I am still glowing from Wednesday's awesome news! In case you missed it, Inked was featured in New York Time's Square on Wednesday for winning the gold medal for Women's Fantasy Fiction in the 2023 BookFest awards!

Seeing my book featured in Time's Square was truly a dream come true and I couldn't have done it without all of your incredible support this past year. Thank you not just from the bottom, but from the top and both sides of my heart as well!

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Speaking of awards, Inked was recently nominated for the 2023 Indie Ink Awards for not just one but FIVE categories:

Best book cover and cover artist Best light read Best use of tropes Prettiest book interior, AND(!!!) Side Character MVP

Now that voting is officially open, it would mean the world to me if you would consider ,voting for , Inked in any or all of the above categories!

Lastly, keep an eye on your inboxes in the next few days, since we're finishing up the final illustration of the Gilded Blood Complete Series Omnibus and will be showcasing all 13 of them before sending the project over to our printer. I know I might be biased, but these last two paintings might just be my favorite to date!

Thanks again for all you do and have a wonderful weekend ahead!

Free Book Alert!

Long ago I accepted that I was different, and that the fae would never see me as their equal because of the tainted blood running through my veins.

What I didn’t expect? That when my brother and his friends went to the Royal Fae Academy, they’d abandon me too.

Except when my brother’s friends return years later, we’ve all changed, as have our feelings for each other. But if they think I’m going to suddenly start acting like the innocent girl they left behind, they have another thing coming.

My powers are dark and sexy, and if they have a problem with it, they can go screw themselves!

Only, what if it’s me they want to screw?

REVERE is a short prequel to the Royal Fae Academy. Our heroine is tough, uses her dark powers shamelessly, and her guys have eyes for her and only her. ,Read now!

I'm a ghost whisperer, not a catacomb crawler. But when you live in Paris, sometimes you end up being both.

Hi, I’m Alix. During the day, I’m a history student at the time-honoured Sorbonne University. After class, I hang out with the ghosts of the revolution, the many undead misunderstood Parisian artists, and adventurous scientists that glow in the dark. None of them are alive, but they come to me to solve their problems with the living.

When a recently deceased catacomb tour guide asks me to retrieve a mysterious personal item from the underground, things take a turn for the weird. Suddenly, I find myself in a city of ghosts, hunted by murderous cave crawlers, and stumbling across haunting secrets.

If I’m not careful now, I might end up a ghost myself.

Urban Fantasy with a French twist. If you like cave-crawling adventures, hopeless romantics, and ghosts, you'll enjoy Ghosts of the Catacomb, the first instalment of the Parisian Ghosts series. Travel to Paris today to embark on your catacomb adventure.

,Read now!

Sand serpents and gold dragons and Ink Awards... Oh my!



Happy Friday, everyone!

I have a couple of exciting announcements for you today, including two more stunning Gilded Blood Omnibus illustrations (bringing us up to 11 out of 13 total!!!)

Announcement #1: Awards!

I just found out that Inked was nominated for the ,2023 Indie Ink Awards for not just one but FIVE categories:

Best book cover and cover artist Best light read Best use of tropes Prettiest book interior, AND Side Character MVP!!!

The Indie Ink Awards is trope- and diversity- focused rather than focused on genre, and designed to showcase all the amazing indie books out there. The reader-nominations phase has apparently just ended, and they're about to go into the next phase of the contest, the voting phase. It would mean the world to me if you would consider voting for ,Inked in any or all of the above categories!

Voting opens December 15 so I'll be sure to send out another reminder then!

Thank you so much in advance for your time and support!

Announcement #2: Brand-new omnibus artwork!!

Illustration #10: Talia, Zayn, and "Sandy" the Sand Serpent

“You spit out that elf right now, you hear me?” I yelled.

The sand serpent stiffened.

“I mean it! Because if you don’t, you are going to be gutted right down the middle, and I think we can agree that nobody here wants that. So, I’m going to give you ‘til the count of three to spit her out, or else!”

The serpent – Sandy, we’ll call him – froze, his three sets of eyes moving between me and the gleaming stabby objects the elves were wielding.

“One...!”

 He made a petulant grunt.

“Two…!” I crossed my arms impatiently. “If I get to three, you are going to be in so much trouble, buster! Two and a half…”

Sandy’s head reared back as though he might argue, all six of his eyes narrowing…and then abruptly started bobbing like a cat retching up a hairball. After making a series of unappetizing gags and retches, he finally horked up a curled-up, slime-covered elf, who toppled onto the sand with a breathless thud.

Illustration #11: A Dragon Reborn

 Snatching Biscuit away from the strengthening blaze, I staggered to my feet alongside Zayn. The three of us backed away as the obsidian fire exploded into dazzling gold flames that were so hot and bright, we had to shield our faces from the intensity. The flames grew higher and higher, towering above our heads like a coruscating tractor beam that melted every last drop of snow within a twenty-foot radius. A bowel-shaking roar erupted from behind the curtain of golden fire, ricocheting through the snowy trees and sending a tremor through the earth itself. My hand reached out instinctively, clutching Zayn’s cloak.

And then, all at once, the flames disappeared.

In their place, a colossal gold dragon loomed above us, with shimmering waves of heat radiating off its metallic body. Ribbons of fire and smoke curled from its glittering jowls, while its gilded scales gleamed like polished bullion.

With 11 illustrations done, we are just 2 illustrations away from sending this baby off to production! In the meantime, I'm just putting the finishing touches on the Dee Dee and Bisskiss short story that will be published at the back of the omnibus. Which obviously means I HAVE to share an early snippet! (Minor spoiler: the story is told not from Talia's POV but from Dee Dee's!! )

If you've got omnibus FOMO, never fear! You can still secure a copy of the Gilded Blood Omnibus by heading over to PledgeBox today!

Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful week ahead!❤️

Gilded Blood Omnibus Illustrations 8 AND 9! (Plus some awesome holiday goodies!)

Happy Monday, everyone! I am SO excited to share not one but TWO more Gilded Blood Omnibus illustrations with you today! TBH, I'm still struggling to pick my jaw up off the floor!

Illustration #8: The Great Phoenix Tree

(or, as Biscuit calls it, the "Biiiiiiiig Pen*s Tree" )

“With a trunk as tall and wide as a New York City skyscraper, the colossal tree towered hundreds of feet above the tallest evergreens, its highest branches practically caressing the underside of low-hanging clouds. But what made it even more magnificent is that every single one of its leaves twinkled and glowed, as though the branches were covered in hundreds of thousands of green fireflies.”

Illustration #9: The Ancient Crystal Caverns



"The narrow tunnel we’d been walking through abruptly ended, dumping us into an enormous cavern that was as wide as it was tall, at least three football fields on all sides. Colossal, water-clear crystals, some nearly scraping the thousand-foot-high ceiling, towered above us like redwood trees. They sprouted from the ground, the walls, and the ceiling at every angle, crisscrossing over one another and throwing prismatic rainbow reflections all over the cave."



If you haven't ordered a Gilded Blood Complete Series Omnibus and still want one, we've got you! Head on over to PledgeBox where you'll be able to late pledge for a limited time!

Cheap Smut!

I was so lucky to have been invited on SmutCo Industries' Cheap Smut Podcast earlier this month, where we talked about smut, sexy incubi, and snarts. Yes, snarts. You can check out the full episode here!



If you're looking for something slightly more edifying, I also joined authors Megan Haskell and Greta Boris on their podcast, The Author Wheel, to chat about publishing, Kickstarters, the pros and cons of Kindle Unlimited, and more. That educational episode can be found here :)

Fancy Embossers and Holiday Deals!

I just got the fanciest, most wonderful embossing tool, which means, moving forward, all signed books purchased from my shop will now come with this beautiful new insignia embossed inside the title page:

The Latin reads: THE WRITTEN WORD REMAINS

Don't forget, you can get 25% off ALL signed books (minus special editions) now through Christmas with promo code WINTER25.

Have a wonderful week ahead!❤️

Rachel

Illustration #7 Reveal: DEE DEE!!! (Plus: 1-Day Freebie Alert!)

The seventh (of 13 total) Gilded Blood Omnibus illustrations is finished, in all of Dee Dee's stunning, hilarious, Jewish mother triumph and glory. Are you ready for this??

Isn't she absolutely glorious?

By the way, everyone who ordered JUST a Gilded Blood art pack (sans omnibus or anything else that's 3D) should have received theirs by now. If you are in the U.S. and have not received yours, let me know! For everyone outside the U.S., they might take a few weeks to get to you, so please bear with the postal service during this crazy holiday season!

If you haven't ordered an art pack and/or omnibus and still want one, we've got you! Just head on over to PledgeBox, where you'll be able to late pledge for a limited time.

FREEBIE ALERT (Today only)!!

If you (and/or a book-loving friend) haven't already, today's the day to ,nab the steamy, laugh-out-loud romantasy book that's been causing readers to run to the restroom (not just for sullied pants but for long, coooold showers as well )!

Upcoming Appearances

I'll be signing books at ,GalactiCon this upcoming weekend. If you're planning on being there, stop by and say hello! I promise not to bite.

Sweet Holiday Promos and Discounts!

I've added the brand-new option of nabbing ,all 4 paperback books of the Gilded Blood series for 15% off, which includes free next-day shipping! If you've been thinking about getting the complete series for yourself or a fantasy and/or tattoo-loving friend, now's the perfect time!

You can also get ,the complete Lightning Conjurer series (think Captain Marvel meets Avatar: The Last Airbender) for 20% off the list price (and yep, that includes free shipping!)

Last but not least, you can get 25% off ALL signed books (minus special editions) now through Christmas with promo code WINTER25. Which means, technically, you could get ALL of the aforementioned books for 25% off.

Errr....

*runs to calculator to make sure I'm still making some vague semblance of a profit*

....Meh, close enough.

Happy Thanksgiving and Black Friday, everyone!

❤️Rachel

When Zayn, your smoking hot boss, tells you never to touch the cache of deluxe tattoo ink locked away in his office, you listen to him… until the day you run out of your own ink, your squirming client is on the verge of peeing his pants, and your boss is nowhere to be found. Desperate times call for desperate measures... Right?

,~ READ FOR FREE ON KINDLE UNLIMITED ~



When an amnesiac rediscovers her latent powers, she'll shake the entire world... literally.

⚡️

Captain Marvel meets Avatar: The Last Airbender in this thrilling saga of empowerment, found family, and a sizzling, slow-burn romance

,~ READ FOR FREE ON KINDLE UNLIMITED ~

Dr. Who Meets Nancy Drew with a dash of The Ghost Whisperer and A Wrinkle in Time

As an infant, Lilah's terrifying form of epilepsy drove her family to abandon her. Years later, when her quest to find answers leads to her teenage mother's cold case, she must learn to control her "gift" before she kills someone. Again.

,~ READ FOR FREE ON KINDLE UNLIMITED ~

When a tiny human shows up at an old, grumpy dragon's front boulder, the two of them embark on a journey for applesauce that ends with each of them saving the other’s life – in more ways than one.

~ READ NOW FOR 99 CENTS ~

And, as always, signed books are available through my shop!

Lightning Conjurer Books, LLC

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