April Davila's Blog, page 12

TV Time

A few weeks ago my husband had to have semi-emergency surgery. I say “semi” because we kind of knew it was coming, but then the doc said: we need to do it now. So it happened. And since my husband is a much more private person than I am (he’s not even on social media – can you IMAGINE?!?), I’m not going to say much more about him and his body except that he’s healing well and life is starting to get back to normal.

What I will dwell on is all the TV we watched while he was laid up. We don’t usually watch a ton of TV. We go to the movies a lot, and sometimes we’ll make our way through a TV series over the course of a few months, but this was next level. Here’s what we watched (and a few thoughts on each):

The Bear. A behind the scenes look at a small restaurant in Chicago. Having done my fair share of working in kitchens, I LOVED this. It really captures the rhythm, the personalities, and the challenges of making food on a large scale. Also: Jeremy Allen White.

Uncoupled. This is basically Sex in the City from the gay man’s perspective. Neil Patrick Harris is charming as ever. I’ll watch pretty much anything he’s in. We blew through season 1 in a day.

Keep Sweet, Pray and Obey. We watched the end of this one immediately post-op. A fascinating look into the FLDS. Not uplifting.

Better Call Saul – Season 6. We’d been working our way through this series for a while and had held off starting the final season until we could binge it all at once, so that worked out. I thought it dragged in the middle, like they were trying to make it last longer than it needed to, but it does land in a satisfying place.

Inventing Anna. This one dragged on and on, but for some reason we kept watching. Maybe it was the journalist protagonist (who I identified with more than I’m willing to talk about), or Julia Garner’s performance (love her). Whatever it was, we watched it to the bitter end.

The Rehearsal. I only watched some of this (dropping in while my husband watched), because it didn’t grab me in the same way it grabbed him. It’s super weird, and circular, and kinda made me feel like we should be smoking pot, but also intriguing in a this-dude-overthinks-everything kind of way.

So there you have ’em, my sort-of recommendations on what to watch if you (or your spouse) have emergency surgery and are laid up for a few weeks.

Family Meditation Retreat

Signage on the private road leading up to Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Northern California.

If you are a regular at A Very Important Meeting (or if you caught the post script in my most recent newsletter), you know I took the whole fam on a meditation retreat last week. It’s not something we’ve ever done before. I’ve always said I want my kids to find their own way in the world, to explore different beliefs and decide what they want to put their faith in, but it occurred to me recently that they haven’t really had much exposure to Buddhism.

This is not to say they are strangers to mindfulness. I’ve made efforts to introduce them to practices as they seemed useful, but buddhism as a religion doesn’t get a lot of air time. We talk about Christianity around Christmas. We’ve done Passover dinners with friends. My mom ensures that we light the house with candles on the winter solstice, but nowhere in their lives has Buddhism really been introduced with intention. So… family retreat.

Like Summer Camp

Family retreat was a little like I imagine summer camp might be. I never attended sleep away camps, but from what I’ve gleaned from the movies they involve singing and crafts and things like that. So, yeah, summer camp. Only, while the kids were off doing art projects and trust exercises, the adults had time to meditate. All in all it was a mixed bag.

In truth, it was really hard to meditate for a long period and then come out of the hall and have to be a parent, present for all the normal ups and downs kids have in any given day. And if I’m being frank, some of the singing made me feel a little like I was in a documentary about cults. But that’s an unfair oversimplification.

Ofosu Jones-Quartey

One of the family retreat leaders was named Ofosu and he kept things super grounded. The songs were either ridiculous (for the little kids) or deeply moving spoken word poems, with a little bit of call-and-response thrown in to make sure everyone was paying attention. He even broke out the singing bowls at one point, accompanying himself with simple tones. The talk he gave on self-compassion made the whole week worth while for me. It’s rare, in my experience, to find a teacher who speaks (to both adults and kids) with such authenticity, experience, and compassion. If you get a chance to study with this man, take it.

His whole message (to adults and kids) is “you are enough.” He would call out in the mornings as everyone gathered before we went off with our assigned groups: “who is enough?” The first time we all respond: “I am enough.” The second time all the kids point at each other and say: “you are enough.” The third: “we are enough.” If my kids took away anything, I hope it was that.

First and Last

Next year my daughter will be too old for the kids’ program, so this was both our first and last family retreat.

All in, I’m glad we went, if only to have a break, as a family, from all of our screens. Imagine, 5 days with no screens. (No, really, you’ll have to imagine, because I couldn’t take any photos…)

It was an experience, full of all the highs and lows of any retreat I’ve ever been on. It accomplished what I hoped it would in giving the kids a glimpse of buddhist traditions. They even got to do a Q&A session with the monastics which both of them found fascinating. It helped me to feel like we’ve balanced the scales a bit in exposing them to a a variety of beliefs so that they might be more informed humans making their way in the world.

If you’ve got any specific questions about retreats (family or otherwise) drop them below in the comments. I’m planning to go again in December (just me this time) for a retreat called Befriending Mortality. Six days in quiet contemplation of death. Is it weird to say that I’m excited?

How to Handle Rejection

Used to be, I didn’t handle rejection very well. Used to be, this was what I looked like when I got a rejection letter.

But it has gotten better.

These days, when I get a rejection letter, I also get a high-five from my husband.

Rejection as a Part of Life

Last week, at the dinner table, I shared with the family that I got two rejection letters in one day. My husband held up his hand and I gave it a slap.

My daughter, who is old enough now to understand that rejection is supposed to be a bad thing, asked why we were celebrating. We told her what we always tell each other: if you’re not getting rejected, you’re not putting yourself out there enough.

It’s not that I’m happy about being rejected. Not at all. What I celebrate is that fact that I’m still in the game. I high-five because the minute I got each of those rejections I sent out my story to another journal. My husband is cheering me on in my relentless pursuit of publication.

Handle Rejection

So if you hate rejection (because who doesn’t) I invite you to make use of my three-step response.

Before you send out anything, have a spreadsheet listing all the places that might be a good fit for that piece. When you get rejected, send your story/query to the next journal/agent on your list immediately. Find someone to give you a high-five. This can be via text, over the phone, or at dinner, but find someone to tell you that you’re doing an awesome job. Because you are. You’re fighting the fight. This is what it is to be a writer.

These two steps won’t do anything to mute the pain of rejection, but they will hopefully keep you from quitting. And as a teacher of mine once said, “There are two kinds of writers: those who get published, and those who quit.” Don’t be the kind that quits.

Potential Titles for Novel #2

After a solid week of banging my head against my desk, I have a few contenders for the title of my new book. Would love your input:

Which title do you like best for a work of literary fiction?It's Not True What They SayNever A Year Goes ByThe Shy Beauty of Unnumbered DaysThe Humble Beauty of Unnumbered Days3,000 Patient Moons3,000 Faithful MoonsOther Ideas/Suggestions1 vote · 1 answerVote

Grammar Be Damned

My father-in-law got me this mug last year and I almost couldn’t accept it. Because I have a dirty little secret: I am not good with grammar.

In fact, one of the reasons I waited so long to become a writer was that I thought being good with grammar was a prerequisite. I was an atrocious speller. I somehow missed the day(s?) in school when they covered basic punctuation. I didn’t know when to use “that” or “which.” It was mortifying.

So when I decided that, in spite of all my shortcomings, I really wanted to be a writer anyway – I did two things:

I studied. I bought every book on grammar and sentence structure that I could get my hands on. I read them, a little bit, every day and slowly (very slow) I started to get a handle on the specifics of the English language. I became a nerd word – circling words in books that I didn’t know and looking them up (and often sharing them online). This is an ongoing effort. I started putting money aside to hire a professional editor. Because as much as I’ve learned, I still manage to gloss over an enormous number of typos. Now, I can’t really afford to hire her to go over every post I write here on my blog (if you read more than two posts you will probably notice a typo, a heads-up is always appreciated) and I accept that. But I cannot abide errors in my fiction. I pay an editor (well) to go over my manuscript before I even send it to my agent because I would prefer he go on believing that I’m just that good.

All this is to say that storytelling and grammar are different skill sets. Being good (or bad) at one does not necessarily mean that you are good (or bad) at the other. Know your skills. Study up. Hire someone to back you up, and never let anybody tell you that you can’t be a writer.

Solvitur Ambulando

Latin for “it is solved by walking.” My new motto.

I finished my manuscript last week and sent it off to my editor. It’ll be a month or two until I get her notes and I’ve been thinking about what I want to work on while I wait. For a few days it wasn’t an issue. I had procrastinated plenty of freelance work in the name of finishing my draft and that kept me busy for a few days, but as soon as I got caught up the question loomed: what next?

I had a few contenders: a short story idea I’ve been toying with, another idea that might or might not be a novel, an historical romance series I’ve been outlining for a while. Oh yeah, and a half finished novel that’s been sitting in my drawer waiting for me to come back to it.

On Sunday morning I took the dogs for a nice long walk and left my phone at home, testing my new motto, and you know what? It worked. Solvitur ambulando. I considered each of the ideas in turn and eventually landed at the half-finished novel. Why was I even resisting that? I mean, I’ve done the research, I know the characters, at this point it’s just execution. And I guess that is the answer to my question.

With a new idea I could get lost for a while in research or outlining, but with this one, it’s right to work. I know what needs to be done. I just have to do it. And I guess I’m feeling kind of tired.

So I’m giving myself a little more time before I jump back into it. More long walks with the dogs. More freelance work. More reading in the middle of the day. And to make sure my break doesn’t get paralyzingly long, I hereby promise myself that I will pull that half finished novel out of its drawer on Friday and start reading it over. Come Monday, I’ll get to work.

Author Interview with Erin La Rosa

I love a good romance. And I am particularly excited about this book, For Butter or Worse, by Erin La Rosa. Erin and I were in a writing group together back when my boy (who’s now 11) was just an infant. Since then, she’s written two very funny non-fiction books (Womanskills and The Big Redhead Book), and this is her first (long overdue) foray into fiction.

Because we go way back, I couldn’t pass up the chance to ask her a few questions that I’ve always been a little too shy to ask other romance writers. But before we get into the interview, you should take a moment and pop over to Bookshop.org to pre-order your copy of For Butter or Worse. It comes out on July 26.

Okay, here we go:

A pril: One of the things I love about romance novels is their ability to surprise me. I mean, we read romance precisely for the HEA (Happily Ever After – we know it’s out there somewhere), so when things seem like they can’t possibly work out, we have to keep reading to see how it all comes together in the end. Do you outline or just start writing with the HEA as an ultimate end goal?

Erin: I’m a big fan of outlines, especially after writing For Butter or Worse, which started as a “pantser” situation (meaning I was flying by the seat of my pants, no outline!). I actually wrote a full draft of For Butter or Worse, then had to scrap it entirely and start over because I realized I needed more plot. Now I do a really intense outline in Google Docs before moving on to the writing phase, and I’ve found the writing comes faster and easier as a result. Having the HEA as a goal to reach is a huge help in terms of figuring out how to give each character an arc and growth that will lead them towards that happy ending.

April: Tessa Dare dedicated her book, The Duchess Deal, to her dad, saying: “Thanks, Dad. This book’s for you. Please don’t read chapters 7, 9, 11, 17, 19, 21, or 28.” How have your parents reacted to you publishing your first romance novel? Have they read it? Do they ask unbearable questions?

Erin: I love that dedication, it’s so perfect! My dad is an avid reader and deeply into vampire novels, many of which are just romance books with some bite (wink). Still, I was terrified of him reading For Butter or Worse because, well, there’s a lot of steam, folks! He did read the book though, in one day, and he didn’t so much as mention the sex scenes (thank the gods of romance!). My mom, however, has a friend who told her there will be sex scenes in my book, and she seemed pretty scandalized. She hasn’t read it yet, and I’m absolutely going to redact those chapters for her!

April: One thing I admire about your writing is your ability to capture witty banter on the page. If you sit down at your computer and you’re not feeling droll, how do you evoke that? Do you have music/books/shows that you turn to to get you in a clever frame of mind?

Erin: Thank you for saying that, April! I really love writing dialogue, it’s my absolute favorite part! I think that comes from my playwriting and screenwriting background. I also love this question, because I totally rely on movies, shows, and books I love to get me into a funny headspace. I love rewatching Bridget Jones’s Diary, Legally Blonde, and more recently a show called Starstruck. I’ve also re-read my favorite romance book of all time, Boyfriend Material, when I need to get into a certain headspace.

April: What inspired you to set a romance story in the culinary world and how many hours of reality TV did you consume as research for this project? Do you have a favorite baking show?

Erin: Ha! So many hours! My favorite shows to watch while I wrote this were Top Chef, Great British Baking Show, and especially Chef’s Table. I got inspired to write this because I wanted to tell a story where my lead female was succeeding in a male-dominated space, and while researching jobs I was shocked to see a statistic that only 7% of restaurants in America are run by women—which was wild to me. I then kept digging and saw so many stories from female chefs who’d left the restaurant world because of sexism, and I thought there was something to explore there. Nina, my lead, is a Gordon Ramsay-type, so not your typical nurturing, Food Network, host. I wanted to flip the gender stereotypes and see what would happen if a woman acted like a man in an already male-centric world. So we see a lot of the sexism and backlash she faces, and reveal some of the discrimination within that world while telling a compelling love story.

April: I usually end my author interviews with a lightning round, but since you’ve already answered all my rapid fire question when we did this for The Big Redhead Book, I had to come up with a few new ones:

Favorite day of the week?
I love Sundays! I make a point not to work at all on Sunday, so it’s a total family day. We hit the farmer’s market, go to the park, and just kind of bliss out with weekend vibes in Los Angeles.

Do your cats have middle names?
Ha! They don’t, but they do have backstories we’ve invented. Fish, our eldest, was a steamboat captain running an illegal gambling ring. Chip, our youngest, was an elevator operator and donned a funny cap.

What’s one book you’ve read, but not listed on GoodReads?
Recently read Remarkably Bright Creatures, which I cannot recommend enough. I mean, there are chapters written from the POV of an octopus! It’s wonderful and compelling and so deeply warm.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?
I eat the same thing every morning (so Steve Jobs of me): oatmeal, goji berries, flax, pumpkin, and chia seeds on top

What do you wish you’d had for breakfast this morning?
A donut from Donut Friend. I’m ordering them this weekend, and I am going to TOWN on that dozen.

Pratt or Pine?
Pine all the way.

Fuzzy slippers or a gorgeous pair of heels?
I live a lot of fantasy lives, so I want the heels, but I never wear them! Still, I’ll say heels because they’re aspirational.

And lastly, can you tell us anything about your next book?
Love this question, because I’m chin deep in rewrites for my second book. It’s a spin-off book about Sophie, Nina’s sister, and she’s a romance novelist in her sophomore slump (meta much?), who decides to revisit her past relationships to discover why she’s never fallen in love!

To learn more about Erin La Rosa, check out her website, or follow her on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or TikTok.

And don’t forget to pre-order your copy of For Butter or Worse today.

It’s done!

Fifteen days ago I shared the news that I had finished a pass at my manuscript, but that I wasn’t celebrating yet because I had one final step to go. I’ve been a little quiet online since then, but I wasn’t just sitting around eating chocolate.

First, I spent seven days reading the story out loud (and recording myself). Then I took one day off (days off are important) before listening to that recording. Then I made one last, final final pass to correct all the little things I noticed as I read/listened to it and now it’s done!

Yes, it was tedious, but you know what? I found SO many little things that needed fixing. Mostly word repetition, but also consistency issues that I can’t believe I missed all the times I read it through silently.

The hardest part was sitting still while I listened to the recording. I needed to be at my desk, so I could make notes of what I wanted to come back to work on, but if my hands weren’t busy, I very quickly became distracted. My solution: coloring. And just to give you a sense of how much time this took, here are the pages in my coloring book that I completed in the last week.

Man it feels good to be done. I’m sending it off to my editor today!

And I’m giving myself a few days to chill before I start considering what might come next, but I’m already thinking about the 200 pages of a new novel I have stashed in my desk drawer…

Celebration

We didn’t get snow cones. Before I could even rally the troops to seek out snow cones, my husband came home with a box of chocolates and insisted we go out to dinner to celebrate the finished draft. So we did that.

I’m still anxious, but today I continued the work of reading the draft out loud to myself and am feeling grounded by having something to do. I’m about a quarter of the way through and have already found a bunch of little things I want to fix, but editing is always easier when you have a box of chocolates at your elbow.

Onward.

Anticlimactic Milestones

This morning I finished the final draft of my second novel. It’s done. I think. Or mostly done. I still plan to make a recording of myself reading it out loud, to catch any last little things, but mostly it’s done.

So why don’t I feel like celebrating? It’s weird. Partly it’s because I know there’s still a long road ahead. There will be revisions with the agent, revisions with the editor, then the long (long) road the book will travel through the mysterious mechanism that is the publishing process, but still. I usually feel some instinct to go out to dinner or do SOMETHING in commemoration of finishing a project (or even just a draft of a project).

I’m anxious AF, to be frank. Like I’m staring into a dark void of unknown outcomes. But my only options are to sit on these pages indefinitely (no one is banging down my door for this manuscript), or to suck it up, be brave, and put this baby out into the world.

Maybe I’ll take the kids out for snow cones or something. Celebratory snow cones. That’s a thing. Or if it’s not, it should be.