John Harrell's Blog, page 63

Expressions

From an early age we learned to express ourselves. Babies have different cries. They have one cry when they are hungry, another one when they are tired, and yet another when they want attention. As a parent, you can distinguish the subtle differences and meet their needs.

When I was a child, boys (and men) started growing their hair long. From most parents reactions you would have thought they had started worshipping the devil! . They weren’t, they were simply expressing themselves.

Today we see more and more people displaying tattoos and piercings. These, too, are self expressions. If I am in a Starbucks (or wherever), I try to be served by the freakiest looking person who works there. I treat them as an equal, with respect because they are equal in God’s eyes. I want to leave an impression on them that they are seen.

Look beyond what you see on the outside. Look at the heart…

Repent!

In the Bible, to repent means to “change your mind.” We think of it as punitive, but it isn’t.

I have often written about controlling your thoughts in this column. It’s easier than you might think. We make it harder because the battle is in the mind. You might be thinking, “that’s just how I am.” Yet you are how you think. You become how you think, too.

Do you want to be healthy? See yourself in shape. Read something about fitness/wellness regularly. Your thoughts will take a turn for the better, especially at mealtime. You will unconsciously begin an exercise regimen. Your mind will plant these seeds and you will act on them.

Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s automatic. Your old thought patterns will hang around. They are powerful but your mind is more powerful. Push them away. Change your mind about your health (or whatever).

Start today. In fact, start now. You can do anything you set your mind to…

When Difficulties Arise

This life has difficulties. I prefer to call them challenges. If you are in a period of life where you are free of major or minor problems, get ready because something is coming.

We have a choice when presented with a challenge. We can shrink from it or we can rise up and meet the challenge. I encourage you to think of challenges as opportunities. That’s right! It’s an opportunity to grow you and strengthen you. Facing difficulties isn’t fun, but you will come out of it a better version of yourself. It’s all about your attitude, how you look at life.

Flip the script on difficult times. In fact, welcome them…

Religion

Religion is defined as, “the belief in and worship of a superhuman power or powers, especially a God or gods.” In current culture, the word religion has become a negative term. There’s support for this.

I believe religion is one of the devil’s greatest tools. Many religions have created rules and rituals that don’t necessarily advance God’s Kingdom, but it certainly advances their own. Examine the religious leaders during Jesus’ time on earth. Some (not all) of the Pharisees saw Jesus as a threat to their power over their people. As scholars they should have recognized Jesus as The Messiah but were blinded by their own pride. It’s interesting to note that the demons recognized Jesus as the “Holy Son of God.”

The rules of religion keep people away from church and true worship of Jesus Christ. Thus, this is why religion has, in some cases, become pejorative.

Just follow the teachings of Jesus. He didn’t bring more religion. He restored and redeemed the people. Yes, he performed countless miracles, yet he never benefited personally from them.

And those are my thoughts on organized religion…

Slowly But Surely

We evolve and we grow. The changes are slow and sometimes subtle, but every one of us can truthfully say we are different from ten years ago.

Growth requires change, good change. We see things through different lenses as life goes on. This should cause us to question our old beliefs and convictions, and eliminate the old ways that don’t serve us well.

The better version of you awaits in your future. Embrace the changes. And remember, if you aren’t growing, you are going backwards…

Weather

Weather is unpredictable. Life is a lot like the weather when you stop and consider it. Hot one day, cold the next. Always unpredictable. Always fascinating.

We don’t try to control the weather. We can’t. But we try like hell to control our lives. We really aren’t able to control our lives, either. We can only control our attitudes.

Keep your attitude focused on a bright future. Believe it, and you will see it…

Opposition, or Opportunity?

All of us face challenges in life. We have an invisible enemy that wants to subvert us, and even destroy us. Don’t give in.

When we have an opposing force trying to stop us, the reason is because we are doing what we are supposed to be doing. Every time we say “YES” to God, we are giving ourselves an opportunity to be more like Jesus. This will bring you closer to God, and our enemy doesn’t like that. Therefore, the attack. He wants you to quit.

Just because we can’t see our adversary doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. Remember who is behind the next problem you incur. And remember why he’s moving against you. Keep going…

Sightless

There’s more going on than what we can see. Much more. There isn’t a lot in the Bible about spiritual warfare, but there is enough to know it’s real and not the stuff fairy tales are made from.

To help you keep perspective, every time you are given a challenge please remember there is a spiritual reason as well as a purpose behind it. God alone allows pain and struggles for them to happen. Otherwise He wouldn’t be in control and all of this would be random.

We have a choice: we can blame God or we can rely on God in those moments. There is a tremendous amount of Biblical evidence which shows, undeniably, that relying on God to show us the way is the only answer. Yet, you must make your own decision about what you will do.

Even though we can’t see the spiritual realm, that doesn’t make it less real…

Story Time

All of us have stories. Some of them aren’t pretty, but those ugly parts are just a piece of the bigger picture. The dark parts of our lives don’t define us unless we allow them to.

Our stories connect us. They let us know we aren’t alone in the pain and struggle of life. We help others by willingly sharing our stories. Who can better understand what it’s like to lose a child than someone who had the same experience.

Why are we reticent to talk about our lives? This might be where shame enters the picture. I know someone who was sexually abused at 14 by a trusted family friend. She still feels shame but it wasn’t her fault. She was taken advantage of by a creep.

Shame can have power over us. If you are struggling with shame from your past, I encourage you to find a psychotherapist and work through it. You can and will heal, but it takes time. Please try, and don’t give up…

The Power of Forgiveness

On the morning of April 20, 1999, two dark and disturbed young men ended the lives of 12 students and one teacher before the two murderers took their own lives. At the time, The Columbine High School massacre was the largest school shooting in American history. In addition to the innocent murder victims, dozens more were wounded. Thousands of people’s lives were forever altered that day. One of those people is Darrell Scott, father of Rachel Joy Scott. Rachel was the first child killed at Columbine.

I met Darrell Scott on Monday, January 21st of 2013 in League City, Texas, where Darrell was scheduled to be the keynote speaker for The Amoco Federal Credit Union employee’s annual kickoff meeting. Darrell and I had coffee together and two things quickly struck me. The first one is that Darrell is one of the brightest men I have ever met. He is well-read and communicates knowledge and wisdom in a way that engages you. Even more remarkable is that Darrell could laugh. Genuinely laugh. I don’t know how I would be if I lost a child, but his healing allowed him to laugh with an unmistakable gleam in his eyes.

A sequence of events that only God himself could have orchestrated happened which led Darrell and his wife Sandy (Rachel’s stepmom) to found Rachel’s Challenge, the largest organization in the world which is changing the culture of schools through kindness and compassion.

Presenters in schools tell Rachel’s story of reaching out to three groups of students during her short life: Kids who were new at school and usually didn’t have any friends. Kids who were getting picked on (bullied) and kids who were special needs. Rachel didn’t care about popularity. She cared about building community and connecting with her fellow students. A few months prior to her death, Rachel wrote a paper called “My Ethics. My Codes of Life” in which she wrote the following: “Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer. I believe if one person went out of their way to show compassion, it would start a chain reaction of the same. You never know how far a little kindness can go.” Her paper became the foundation of her legacy. As we approach the 25th anniversary of Columbine, over 30 million people have experienced her story. Rachel has been starting chain reactions of kindness and compassion all over the world since her death.

In May of 2015 Darrell and I were having lunch. He was reflecting on all the good that Rachel’s story has accomplished, and at the same time he shared with me his vision for the future of Rachel’s Challenge. Then Darrell got reflective and said something I will never forget. He said, “you know, John, all the good that Rachel’s Challenge has done, the lives it has saved, none of it would have been possible if I had not found it in my heart to forgive the two shooters who murdered my daughter.” Wow. Mic drop moment. Darrell has found forgiveness on a level most of us will never have to experience. Yet, because of his willingness to forgive, school cultures are changed, bullying goes down or goes away altogether, and lives are being saved through Rachel’s story. Every year, Rachel’s Challenge receives hundreds of messages from kids who were going to take their own lives until they heard Rachel’s story. They realized their lives have meaning. Many times, they were going to kill themselves the very day the presenter came to their school. I’m still in awe.

Forgiveness is hard. We live in a broken world which challenges us to show grace and forgiveness to others. And the truth is, we don’t always want to do that. Someone has offended me and dammit, I want them to get what’s coming to them. But here is a little truth for you-not forgiving causes us more harm than any offense. Lack of forgiveness can cause bitterness and resentment. Those will shorten your life, or at least anchor you down from living fully. Not forgiving others can lead to projection and ruin future relationships. We can even get physically sick by not forgiving others.

Make no mistake. Forgiveness is necessary but it only comes at the right time. I grew up in a chaotic, oftentimes violent home. Both of my parents were abusers which caused me a lot of insecurities and difficulties when I became an adult. We never had a relationship, but God knows I tried to. Long after both of their deaths I was able to forgive them, truly forgive them. I haven’t forgotten what they did to me, and I haven’t given them a “hall pass” for it, but I’m free of that metaphorical backpack full of bricks that weighed me down.

It’s not fair for me to talk about forgiveness without sharing with you the way to get there. You must actively practice gratitude. Gratitude changes the biochemistry of your brain. You will begin to see the world through a different lens. That’s what happened with me with my parents. One day it came to me. I saw them for who they were, not just how they treated me. I was able to understand why they were the way they were, and I forgave them. Gratitude works in many other ways in your life, but it gives you the power to forgive. Try it! Write down three things you are grateful for every day. It takes a little work, but it’s only three things. That two minutes of your busy morning will reap wonders. Your brain is working even while you sleep. Try it for three weeks, only 21 days which will take a total of less than one hour. If you aren’t feeling different at the end of the 21 days then stop doing it. But I guarantee you will feel a measurable difference.

Finally, don’t forget to forgive yourself. You know every mistake you have ever made in your life. It’s easy to get trapped in a negative cycle. Remember all the things you have done right and done well. If you ever need to be reminded of your screw ups, ask anyone because others are watching and taking inventory. Forgive yourself. You are human…

Forgiveness

Compassion

Kindness

Youth Suicide