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Lessons Learned at the Clinic: Part 3

This week’s post is the last installment of a three-part series on lessons I learned from my stay in a 30-day residential treatment center. This week, I’m especially pumped to share something extremely practical and hands-on. A plan. A tool you can create (or create with a therapist) to help manage anxiety, depression, or similar emotional struggles.

When I came home from my time away, I set to work on this assignment, given to me by my counselor. My husband came in and asked me what I was doing. “That sounds like what I teach,” he said, chuckling a little in surprise. He’s an IT guy, a trainer who teaches all sorts of techy stuff I can’t really understand. Stuff like data warehousing, business intelligence, and Powershell scripting. Have I lost you yet? Hang in there…it’s all about to get relevant. “I teach people how to create a disaster recovery plan,” he went on to say.

And that’s what I’m gonna teach you about today.

Sort of. Read on, fearless ones.

Let me give you a quick definition of the techy version of a disaster recovery plan, then I’ll explain the parallels and details. According to TechTarget.com, “A disaster recovery plan (DRP) is a documented, structured approach with instructions for responding to unplanned incidents.This step-by-step plan consists of the precautions to minimize the effects of a disaster so the organization can continue to operate or quickly resume mission-critical functions.”

Basically it’s a detailed plan, complete with specific instructions, on what to do in case of a complete meltdown. So you can get back to functioning as normally as possible.

My husband says the IT version can be printed out in book form, with a list of who to call and actions to take. He says it’s important to create this while everything is running smoothly and everyone is in their right mind.

Are you picking up what I’m laying down?

So this is essentially what my therapist helped me to create: my own personal disaster recovery plan. It’s in a bright blue, 3-ring binder in my office closet, labeled and everything. I know exactly where it is, and so does my husband, in case disaster strikes.

For me, disasters or meltdowns are triggered anxiety attacks. They’re specific times of feeling out of control, not myself, not able to access all the good stuff I’ve learned along the way. And like I said, for me, they are triggered by specific things. But just knowing your triggers is not enough. You have to start further back than that. Let me explain.

First, you need to identify the powerful lies you believe. These may already be known to you, or you may need to do some soul-searching and work with a therapist to uncover what they are. But these are the unhealthy, guiding principles of your life–things like, “I am a failure,” “I will always be alone,” etc. Most people have at least several. I think I had five or six.
Second, you need to identify the feelings associated with those lies. The initial feelings and the internalized feelings that develop out of those powerful lies. Powerlessness? Shame? Out of Control? Ask yourself, “When I believe __________________, what does that make me feel like?
Third, what are the things (people, situations) that trigger those feelings which inevitably tap into those lies? For example, if I witness any level of cruelty towards others that is left undefended–even in movies–that triggers some major junk in me. Every time. You need to get specific here and narrow these down. Maybe it’s even a certain sound or look or smell that reminds you of some kind of trauma. But there are things that just flip our switches. Figure them out. Write them down.
Fourth, are there certain things you do (behaviors) when you are triggered? This would be in case you’ve already blown past the feelings stage and are headed right into reactions.

Let me take a big pause right here and state the obvious: getting these things identified clearly and accurately might not be easy. For me, I had to work through things extensively with my therapist to get to this point. There was a process of figuring out what those lies were, and that took going through past traumatic events and examining how I felt and responded to them. Seeing patterns emerge helped to determine what my powerful lies were.

OK, so then…once you know 1-4:

Fifth, replace your powerful lies (negative core beliefs/guiding principles) with TRUTH. The way it was explained to me was make it palatable to yourself–write down the truth in a way that’ll be believable to you. Your own statement, even if it is based 100% in Scripture. You need you speaking truth to yourself in these moments.
Sixth, find Scripture that backs up the truth you’ve just written to yourself. You probably want to write these down at first on index cards, with the lie on the back and the truths on the flip side. If you need help finding a verse, do a Google search on the topic with “Bible” in your search. You’ll get (most likely) a lot of options to choose from.
Seventh, what are the action steps you need to take? Are there boundaries you need to put in place? Something you need to say to yourself, or out loud? You might need help in coming up with some healthy options for this. Enlist the help of a therapist, pastor, mentor, a solid friend, your spouse, etc.

This is all some big, hefty stuff, I know. But I cannot tell you how much peace and security it gave me leaving the clinic, knowing I had just such a plan in place and ready to go. I haven’t needed it yet, but I might. And if I do, I know right where to go to get it.

As a postscript to steps 1-7, I included in my blue notebook cards, letters, and notes I’ve received that serve to remind me that I am loved and supported. I also have a friend who keeps a ‘war box’ that contains little items that remind her of the same things, and of the times that God came through and delivered her through difficulty. I’ve now placed one alongside my disaster recovery plan.

I’ve created a Disaster Recovery Plan template here that you can download and use to make your own plan. Print as many pages you need to make it customized just for you. Again, I did not author the plan itself, it is the work of my wonderful therapist (thank you, Anita!) and her many years of skilled practice. I’m just sharing what I’ve gleaned, and putting it into a form that might make the process more clearcut for you. It certainly won’t replace the need for therapy, but it’s a huge asset nonetheless.  I’m excited about my own plan, and that you might have one too.

Be sure to drop me a line and tell me if you have found it to be helpful!

 

 

 

Photo by paul wallez on Unsplash

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The post Lessons Learned at the Clinic: Part 3 appeared first on Michelle Wuesthoff.

Lessons Learned at the Clinic: Part 2

Thanks so much to all of you who read, shared, commented on, and encouraged me about last week’s post. While mental illness isn’t the easiest thing in the world to talk about, it’s so important. For one thing, it’s more prevalent than you might think. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that one out of every six adults in the United States lives with some form of mental illness (nimh.nih.gov). That number doesn’t even include the homeless or anyone who was non-responsive to their survey. One out of every six.

Let’s make that statistic even more personal. One out of every six of your friends. Of your coworkers. The people in line with you at the grocery store. One out of every six people in your church.  We need to talk about this.

The problem with admitting you have a mental illness (as opposed to a physical one) is that you inherently feel it’s your fault that you have it. That you’re weak. That if you were a better person/more spiritual/less sinful, you’d be able to fight it off. I realize there are those with physical illnesses who feel the same way, but my point is that there is so much shame associated with having mental disorders.

And like psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “shame is a soul-eating emotion.”

Shame ties you up and isolates you from your loved ones and community when you’re struggling. It makes you feel hopeless that change will ever come. And it makes it really, really hard to ask for help. The truth is, for me, if I hadn’t already experienced significant healing, I wouldn’t have had the nerve to ask my husband to find me a residential treatment center. Fighting off shame over the past couple of years enabled me to reach out and seek help to finally address the things I couldn’t shake.

And the amazing payoff for taking that big, scary leap of faith and checking myself into the clinic was bigger than I could have imagined. On top of the healing I received for my specific issues (or perhaps, as part of it), I learned these powerful lessons:

We love each other better when we mutually acknowledge our own brokenness. 

Because when we do, there can be no judgement. Everyone at the clinic knows they’re there because they have issues they can’t manage. They’re aware of the depth and severity of it. And so nobody judges anyone else’s brokenness. How can you?  You know you might be doing OK one minute and falling apart the next, just like that girl over there curled up with her head on her knees. You’re keenly aware of the depths you’ve plunged yourself and how easy it is to get there. So there is a tremendous amount of grace for one another. Isn’t this what church should feel like?  (p.s. shame disappears in this atmosphere)
Because when you’re aware that everyone around you is hurting (they really are), you approach them with compassion, empathy, and support. The camaraderie among us patients was incredible. You had each other’s back. You offered your ears, your shoulder, your heart whenever someone needed it. And you knew, of course, that you’d need it–and get it–right back when you were struggling. You’re so aware that no one wants to (or should) struggle alone. So you’re there for one another, loving the way you’d like to be loved. 
 Because you’re aware that, ultimately, your healing depends on God and your partnership in it. As much as we need to support one another, everyone has to do their own work. It’s primarily about your one-on-one relationship with God, and secondarily about your personal therapeutic journey. It’s an unspoken assumption at the clinic. Good boundaries are important and necessary for healing. If you’re focusing too much on someone else’s issues, you’re distracting yourself and the other person from doing the real work that is needed. The balance between #2 and #3 keeps us from being either over-involved or under-involved with people. And that balance creates an atmosphere of wholeness and health.

Mental illness stems from a combination of biological, psychological, and spiritual roots. Real healing comes from addressing them all.

Heredity plays a significant role in mental illness–both genetically and spiritually. Traits are passed down from generation to generation, through no fault of our own. Shame, you have no place here.
Trauma not only causes psychological damage, it physically changes the brain. Negative thoughts, experiences, and emotions carve out neural pathways that become well-worn highways for continuing unhealthy patterns. This is equally true of the powerful lies we believe. We can’t “just stop” believing them any more than we can unlearn the very real trauma we’ve experienced. But the unbelievably good news is that repeated positive thoughts (TRUTH), positive experiences, and healthy emotions (like JOY) can biologically, psychologically, and spiritually lay down new pathways in our brains. It seems that being “transformed by the renewal of our minds” is a very real thing! It works, and we, as the church, can be teaching and equipping one another on how to do this. Real freedom, real healing is both possible and available.
Real help comes from educating people on these things, teaching them how to do it, and walking with them through it. What if our churches provided this kind of help–and partnered with local therapists? What if more churches were like healing clinics where the sick could go to get well?

Learning these things actually made me feel excited about my healing process at the clinic and about my journey of continuing healing once I got home. And I’m excited to be able to share all this with you, as it further dispels the stigma and the shame of struggling with mental illness.

But you know what? I’m not struggling right now. I’m soaring. And it’s not some post-clinic high, either (if there is such a thing). I feel free. Whole. Healthy.  It’s pretty wonderful so far.

And when I do hit a snag…when I begin to struggle (and I will, at some point), I now have a real plan. Something I’ve never had before.

And THAT is what I’m writing about next week. Stay tuned for the final installment.

 

 

***JUST ADDED (see installment #3 for a complete explanation)***

I’ve created a Disaster Recovery Plan template here that you can download and use to make your own plan. Print as many pages you need to make it customized just for you. Again, I did not author the plan itself, it is the work of my wonderful therapist (thank you, Anita!) and her many years of skilled practice. I’m just sharing what I’ve gleaned, and putting it into a form that might make the process more clearcut for you. It certainly won’t replace the need for therapy, but it’s a huge asset nonetheless.  I’m excited about my own plan, and that you might have one too.

Be sure to drop me a line and tell me if you have found it to be helpful!

 

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

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The post Lessons Learned at the Clinic: Part 2 appeared first on Michelle Wuesthoff.

Lessons Learned at the Clinic: Part 1

I could hardly believe the words that came spilling out of my mouth: “Can you find me a residential treatment center?  A Christian one?” Within minutes of blurting that out, my husband found me just such a place–one that specializes in mental health issues–and he placed the call. A week later, I was on board a flight to Florida to spend the next 30 days in treatment, scared out of my mind and wondering what I had just done.

I’ve taken many leaps of faith in my life, but this perhaps was the biggest one. After all, this episode was not the worst I’d ever had. I’ve had a lot of good therapy over the past couple of years, and have made many gains. I’ve experienced a lot of freedom and a lot of healing. But even still, there were things I just couldn’t seem to shake. I couldn’t pull up enough out of my initial nosedive to really soar above the things that hurt me. And I had so had it. Had it with the inner turmoil. Had it with not feeling in control of my emotions, and at times, my behavior. I was done, and I wanted change. I’ve always said that if you want to live a radically transformed life, you will have to prepare yourself to get a little radical. This was radical, alright.

As I sat in the backseat of my ride to the clinic, I stared out the window, not wanting to make small talk with the driver. Hot tears streamed down my face in time with the questions that raced through my brain. I wondered what level of ‘crazy’ the people at this clinic were. I wondered what level I was. How panicked and trapped I would feel while I was there.  And, most importantly, would this all work? What if it doesn’t?

The lessons I learned at the clinic were many and began as soon as I walked through the doors that fateful day. And they began here:

The path to radical transformation begins with submission and humility. We might as well begin with possibly the hardest challenge of all, but really…if you can do this, the rest comes so much easier. Checking yourself into a mental health clinic is a pretty good exercise in both. Then, having to give up some of your personal freedoms furthers it along. For example, I could not have my flat iron (at first), or a pair of tweezers, a razor, or any type of hair product containing alcohol. I had to surrender my wallet for safekeeping. I was required to submit to a strip-search and a drug test, and to turn over any medications I had to the nurses’ station. From now on, if I wanted Tylenol for a headache or needed to take anything else, I had to ask for it and take it in the presence of the nurse on duty. I was treated with the utmost kindness and dignity in all these things, but even so, it was hard. It’s hard to be a grownup and have to give up some of your autonomy. But if I wanted help, I had to humble myself and submit to both the rules and the treatment plan. I’m going to state the obvious here and say that these lessons are not just applicable if you go away to a treatment center. They apply to any area where you need to learn and grow, but especially when you need help in the areas of mental and emotional wellness.
The path to radical transformation requires your acknowledgment of your brokenness. If you want to get better, you need to admit your life is a mess (inwardly, outwardly, or both) and that you can’t fix it on your own. This is the first step in any 12-step recovery program: “we admit that we are powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable.” These facts are easier for some of us to admit than others. For me, it was easy. My problem was that admitting I was powerless and my life was unmanageable equalled my being a failure. They are NOT the same things. Not one bit. The Bible says that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) ALL. That’s me, you, and the person who looks or acts like she’s got it all together. We’re all broken; some to a greater degree than others, but that doesn’t make us failures. It means we are imperfect humans living in a very broken world. Being surrounded by other patients at the clinic who freely acknowledged their own brokenness was a sacred, even surprisingly healthy, environment to be in. (More on that later.) But this acknowledgment of my brokenness, coupled with the act of submission and the posture of humility, felt like taking a deep breath of peace and resolve. It made me feel ready to tackle the work ahead of me. It was actually a great place to be in, a perfect starting place to usher in radical transformation.
In order to best position yourself for radical transformation, set good boundaries for yourself. Establishing a safe zone is especially important. For me, it was my room at the clinic (and now, my office at home). I set up my room the way I wanted it and kept it a warm and welcoming place to be in and to return to. I established certain routines that I stuck to throughout my healing process, because that predictability brought a level of comfort and safety. When you’re challenging yourself daily to dive deep emotionally and take on difficult things, you need a safe zone to return to at the end of the day, or when it all becomes overwhelming. There also needs to be a safe zone around you. Sort of like an imaginary bubble. The healing work you are engaged in is sacred, both because you are working with the Lord, and also because what you are endeavoring to do is to restore the ‘you’ God created before all the hurt and brokenness. You don’t want anything or anyone to puncture that bubble at this time. So you protect yourself and the work you’re doing. That, aside from your relationship with God, is your first priority right now. And as with your relationship with God, once you have that settled, all else will fall in its natural place of priority.

As the title of this article indicates, this is the first of a multi-part reflection on some really important stuff I learned during my 30-day stay in a mental health clinic. There’s so much I could say and write about my time away–it was profound, precious, and very healing. I really did walk away from that experience a different person, in the best way possible. I’ve struggled my whole life with emotional pain and its consequences (if you’re wondering, my main diagnosis was PTSD), and I’ve felt embarrassed and ashamed that I not only struggled with it, but couldn’t get rid of it either.

The incredible patients with whom I shared my month-long journey have shown me so clearly how a person and their struggle are not one and the same. That you can embrace the you that still struggles, while being wholeheartedly committed to finding and embracing the you that exists without it. And you can indeed find that person. I did. And now I want to break the stereotype and the stigma that comes with mental illness. It isn’t who you are or who you’re destined to be. There is help available if you’re willing to pursue and receive it.

And there is hope.

More from me next week, but let’s have a conversation. Your comments below are welcome.

quote taken from my upcoming book, Grafted In: Leading Your Orphan Heart to the Spirit of Adoption

 

***JUST ADDED (see installment #3 for a complete explanation)***

I’ve created a Disaster Recovery Plan template here that you can download and use to make your own plan. Print as many pages you need to make it customized just for you. Again, I did not author the plan itself, it is the work of my wonderful therapist (thank you, Anita!) and her many years of skilled practice. I’m just sharing what I’ve gleaned, and putting it into a form that might make the process more clearcut for you. It certainly won’t replace the need for therapy, but it’s a huge asset nonetheless.  I’m excited about my own plan, and that you might have one too.

Be sure to drop me a line and tell me if you have found it to be helpful!

 

 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Recent Posts

Why I’ve Decided to Stop Drinking


5 Easy Tips to Make Your Next Party Great


Why I Need the Beach


Creating a Culture of Honesty


Five Ways to Recapture Your Joy


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Topicsadoption (6)
anxiety (7)
brave (4)
busyness (1)
calling (4)
community (8)
courage (6)
death (2)
depression (6)
disappointment (2)
diversity (4)
encouragement (6)
exchange (5)
family (5)
fear (1)
freedom (11)
God's love (11)
grief (2)
hero (2)
hope (6)
identity (11)
idols (1)
journey (9)
joy (2)
judgement (6)
kindness (1)
longing (2)
love (7)
offense (1)
overcoming (14)
perspective (8)
prayer (1)
racism (1)
relationships (10)
rest (1)
revolution (1)
shame (2)
sin (7)
sorrow (2)
spiritual growth (10)
thriving (4)
transformation (16)
truth (3)
victory (8)
wholeness (13)

The post Lessons Learned at the Clinic: Part 1 appeared first on Michelle Wuesthoff.