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May 21, 2021

First Look Friday: When Everything Goes Wrong

 

Copyright: Serhii BobykThe princess Ondina
Just Another Day

“In the name of Vulxoix, Qweh, what have you done?”

The color drained from Princess Ondina’s face as she entered her laboratory to find all thirteen members of her core staff lying on gurneys, each with horrific injuries inflicted upon them.

Ondina’s half-brother King Qweh guffawed at his sister’s revulsion. Although Qweh dwarfed her by more than half a meter and outweighed her by more than 100 kilograms, much of his weight being powerful muscle, Ondina whirled on her brother, kicking him as hard as she could in the shin. Although he was momentarily startled, Ondina’s face reddened as Qweh burst out laughing.

“An excellent strike, Baby Sister,” he chortled, enraging Ondina by chucking her under the chin. “Not enough to incapacitate me, but, there again, combat never was your forte. Oh, you would be a formidable enough opponent against an ordinary adversary, even against one of the guards. Ah, but as you can see, none of them can best me.”

“That’s probably because your goons held them down while you savaged them,” Ondina snapped. “I despise you with every molecule in my miserable being. I wish you were dead!”

“Then why not make me so, Ondina?” Qweh jeered, stroking Ondina’s cheek in a suggestive fashion that sent a wave of nausea through her. “Sweet, quiet Ondina, blessed with the power to cure or kill. Why don’t you reverse your empathic abilities and twist your astral grip around my heart, wringing the life from me as you burned the ability to grow new life from your own womb? Come now, Sister, if you loathe me as much as you say you do, why not strike me down?”

Ondina pushed away from Qweh, turning her attention to a tall, slender young man with shoulder-length hair the color of warm loam. He was bleeding from multiple wounds and angry bruises marred his pale skin. Blood bubbled from his lips as he gave a quiet moan. Ondina gently pressed a hand to his stomach and zircon light flowed from her fingers. The man gripped the princess’ hand, pulling it away from his body.

“Aqnax, I can heal you,” Ondina pleaded.

“Please, your majesty, don’t,” the man insisted. “Dear Princess Ondina, I love you with all my soul in life or in death. You are sweet and giving and my fidelity is ever yours. But oh, Your Majesty, I beg you, let me depart now for the Fields of Strans where I will be reunited with my beloved brother Aattul.”

“If this is truly your wish, my friend,” Ondina agreed reluctantly.

Ondina held her hands over her bodyguard’s heart. Dark blue light streamed from her fingers and tears flowed down her cheeks.

“My friend and protector Aqnax, I release you from your broken body to reunite with your beloved brother in the Fields of Strans. Go in peace. It was my pleasure to have known you.”

*********************This is the first segment in a new chapter from my WIP, tentatively titled "The Tragic Last Days of Zetar."
Curse you and your cliffhangers, Cie! Where do I find the rest of this?Happy to help, enthusiast of Weird Fantasy Steampunk Sci-Fi Hodgepodge stories! You can find the rest of this chapter in the following places.
Buy Me a Coffeehttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/naughtynether/the-last-sad-days-zetar-when-everything-goes-wrongBuy me a coffee for $5 or subscribe for $5 per month.
Ko-Fihttps://ko-fi.com/post/When-Everything-Goes-Wrong-V7V64P2AWBuy me a Ko-Fi for $5 or subscribe for $5 per month.
Odyseehttps://odysee.com/@naughtynetherworldpress:d/When-Everything-Goes-Wrong:1Just 15 LBC (approximately $0.45)
Patreonhttps://www.patreon.com/posts/51504434Join at the Cultist or higher tier for early access to chapters like this one.
Reedsyhttps://bit.ly/CieYouOnReedsy

My new chapters usually appear on Reedsy a week after submission. I've never had one rejected yet, but I make no guarantees. My work on Reedsy is free to read. If you read something and enjoy it, I'd appreciate it if you'd do me a solid and spread the Naughty Nether-Word.

I'll see myself out now.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


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Published on May 21, 2021 13:11

May 18, 2021

Cloned Heat V Available Now from KU #MFRWHooks #RainbowSnippets #SnipSun #8Sunday

 


Genre:M/M erotica, sci-fi
Length:3000 words (approximate)
Mature Content Advisory:This post contains no explicit erotic content. The book that it is excerpted from contains explicit descriptions of erotic activity between consenting adults and is intended for mature readers only.
Blurb:

In “The Siren’s Bite,” Colonel Ionescu revealed the truth about Finn to Iker and Peregrine. Meanwhile, Ohannes begged for Finn’s bite, becoming bonded to the amphibious pleasure clone.  

General Bissette revealed that he was more slave than master to the sexy merman and was rewarded with a hearty spanking and a lusty romp with Ohannes. While Finn’s attentions were focused on directing the hot man-to-man action, Iker, Colonel Ionescu, and Peregrine put their rescue plan into action. Unfortunately, Peregrine was bitten by Finn and had to be subdued along with the other men.

Ionescu and Iker set out for the monastery, hoping to find a way to break Finn’s spell over their comrades.

Snippet:

“These monks are either as horny as the rest of us plebes or that’s a weapon,” Iker quipped.

“Me suppose us either find out easy way or hard way,” Colonel Ionescu suggested.

“I vote for the easy way. I’m tired as hell after our little wrestling match with our mind-fucked comrades. Any other time I’d be up for playing rough with this buff pleasure clone and his buddies, but tonight’s not that night.”

“Me hearin’ you,” Ionescu agreed. He turned to address the temple guard.

Where to Buy

Free from Kindle Unlimited or 99 cents to own

http://bit.ly/CH5AZ

You can also get a PDF version of each Cloned Heat Cliffhanger every month by becoming a Naughty Netherworld Press Patron for as little as $1 per month.

http://bit.ly/NNPPatreon

Hop To It!

http://mfrwbookhooks.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets
http://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday
http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


Creative Commons License

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This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Want more?

Get it here!

http://bit.ly/morennp

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Published on May 18, 2021 15:48

May 15, 2021

Erotic Enlightenment Submitted to Kindle, Available from Patreon

 


Genre:M/M erotica, sci-fi
Length:3000 words (approximate)
Mature Content Advisory:This post contains no explicit erotic content. The book that it is excerpted from contains explicit descriptions of erotic activity between consenting adults and is intended for mature readers only.
Blurb:

In “The Siren’s Bite,” Colonel Ionescu revealed the truth about Finn to Iker and Peregrine. Meanwhile, Ohannes begged for Finn’s bite, becoming bonded to the amphibious pleasure clone.  

General Bissette revealed that he was more slave than master to the sexy merman and was rewarded with a hearty spanking and a lusty romp with Ohannes. While Finn’s attentions were focused on directing the hot man-to-man action, Iker, Colonel Ionescu, and Peregrine put their rescue plan into action. Unfortunately, Peregrine was bitten by Finn and had to be subdued along with the other men.

Ionescu and Iker set out for the monastery, hoping to find a way to break Finn’s spell over their comrades.

Snippet:

The transport reached the monastery a couple of hours after nightfall as the men in the back were starting to stir. The artificial moon of Igrobos cast zircon light on the grounds. A slender, sinewy bald man in his mid-twenties stood guard.

The man was bare-chested save for a solar emblem held in place by black straps crossing over his shoulders and under his arms. He wore a gold shantap with an earth-toned overwrap embroidered with black and white webbing and secured at the waist with a white woven belt. A black cord terminating in a white, flared, cone-shaped object with raised ridges and protruding fringes hung from the cord.

Notes and Purchase Links

I'm pleased to announce that Erotic Enlightenment, the fifth book in the Cloned Heat series, has been submitted to Kindle. At this time, the book is only available in PDF form for subscribers to the official Naughty Netherworld Press Patreon. Just a buck a month gets you early access to all the sizzling Cloned Heat stories!http://bit.ly/NNPPatreon
In the meantime, you can purchase the first four hot Cloned Heat Cliffhangers for your erotica collection, or read them free with Kindle Unlimited. https://amzn.to/31Lwch2
http://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets
http://www.facebook.com/groups/Snippe...

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


Creative Commons License

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This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Want more?

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http://bit.ly/morennp

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Published on May 15, 2021 21:35

May 13, 2021

Thirsty Thursday: The Party: Small Voices and Grownup Glimpses

 

Free use image by Emily Wills Photography on Pixabay

The limp body of a girl in early adolescence lay supported against the massive roots of a Terqrix tree in the Okruiks Botanical Garden behind the grand palace of Os’aen, home to West Zecor’s ruling family. Her form-fitting red dress and heavy makeup made her appear older than her true age. The glamorous red pumps that matched her dress had been kicked off as she ran.

The girl’s hair partially covered her distressed face. Spectral hands reached from the ground and gently caressed her shoulders, arms, and legs, subtly repositioning her to make her more comfortable as disembodied voices whispered into the night air.

Nonzels strets mesa, Ondina. Elphean rihno. Mukves huz’e shomox.”

We love you, Ondina. Don’t give up. Help is coming.

***************

This is the first segment of a new chapter for my WIP "The Downfall of Ondina".

Wowzers, Cie, this is great! Where can I find the rest of it?

Happy to help, Random Enthusiast!

You can find the entire chapter in these places:

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/naughtynether/the-downfall-ondina-the-party

I'm honestly brand new to this platform. I believe you can just tip how ya like and you'll be able to read the full chapter. If that isn't the case, let me know.

https://ko-fi.com/post/The-Downfall-of-Ondina-The-Party-J3J44MEOE

Tip $5 for the chapter, or subscribe for $5 per month for access to all work published on Ko-Fi.

https://odysee.com/@naughtynetherworldpress:d/The-Party:d

I kissed and made up with Odysee. There was no tongue.

Buy the PDF on Odysee for 15 LBC (approximately $0.45). What a deal!

https://www.patreon.com/posts/downfall-of-51229171

Become a Naughty Netherworld Cultist for just $5 per month and get access to WIP chapters as they happen.

https://bit.ly/CieYouOnReedsy

My new chapters usually appear on Reedsy a week after submission. I've never had one rejected yet, but I make no guarantees. My work on Reedsy is free to read. If you read something and enjoy it, I'd appreciate it if you'd do me a solid and spread the Naughty Nether-Word.

I'll see myself out now.

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.


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Published on May 13, 2021 22:32

May 11, 2021

Beyond Romance: Why I Write Erotica - #GayErotica #SciFi #LustyMo...

Beyond Romance: Why I Write Erotica - #GayErotica #SciFi #LustyMo...: By Lil Deville (Guest Blogger) Lil Deville is the Very Naughty face of Naughty Netherworld Press. Here is why Lil likes ...
I would like to thank Lisabet Sarai for featuring The Stable Boy's Roughneck Ride during the Lusty Month of May. Please check out this post and the rest of her blog for more spicy stories.
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Published on May 11, 2021 18:27

May 10, 2021

Erotic Enlightenment: On the Road #MFRWSteam #MFRWHooks #MFRWAuthor #8Sunday #SnipSun #RainbowSnippets

 


Genre:M/M erotica, sci-fi
Length:3000 words (approximate)
Blurb:

In “The Siren’s Bite,” Colonel Ionescu revealed the truth about Finn to Iker and Peregrine. Meanwhile, Ohannes begged for Finn’s bite, becoming bonded to the amphibious pleasure clone.  

General Bissette revealed that he was more slave than master to the sexy merman and was rewarded with a hearty spanking and a lusty romp with Ohannes. While Finn’s attentions were focused on directing the hot man-to-man action, Iker, Colonel Ionescu, and Peregrine put their rescue plan into action. Unfortunately, Peregrine was bitten by Finn and had to be subdued along with the other men.

Ionescu and Iker set out for the monastery, hoping to find a way to break Finn’s spell over their comrades.

Snippet:

Colonel Ionescu kept the transport vehicle low and slow, resisting the urge to hit the hit the hover-jets. The vehicle was unlicensed decommissioned military salvage and Ionescu wanted to avoid attention from the air patrol. Ionescu noticed that the normally impatient Iker seemed transfixed by the beauty of the surrounding forest.

“Pretty, yah?” the Colonel inquired.

“Yeah, Man, it’s gorgeous. Sometimes me and Perry would look through binoculars from the top of the rig and say that one day we’d go camping in the forest, but we always wound up either staying at the rig on our downtime or going into town to find a way to kill time. Either way, we always ended up in some kind of sex game. Ain’t no better way to wind down after a hard day’s work than fucking a dozen of your best friends, right?”

That's the first eight sentences. If that's your limit, this is your stop. If you'd like more, read on.

“Dat be de way of t’ings,” Ionescu laughed. “’Course your fuck-buddy might not be such a good fren’, but when de time come to get down, dere be somethin’ dat keep you comin’ back for more even if most of de time you wanna punch him in de face.”

“You mean Bissette?” Iker smirked. “Well, I never got to meet his fuck-buddy side. I only saw the punchable face. But from what I heard, the little shit’s a damn fine lay. That salty little mer-slut Finn was miffed at our boy Ohannes for enjoying General Tin-Horn’s cock a little too much.”

“Bissette be a good fuck,” Ionescu admitted. “He like me to be de one drivin’ de train when de geyser gonna erupt. He let de other fellas fuck him first, den me come in and plow ‘em all. Me admit me put up wit’ Bissette’s shit ‘cause me an’ de boys havin’ fine times playin’ his games. But den him build Finn and dat little fucker take over. Me suppose dat me still be dere bein’ Finn and Bissette’s fuck-muscle if us not find you boys. Me ain’t got nothin’ better to do.”

“Yeah, Perry and me would still be mining Gaccov, likely till the day we dropped, if we hadn’t found Ohannes. Same reason as you. We didn’t have nothin’ better to do and the after-hours fucking was good. Hell, I was bred to be a physical powerhouse, which means that I was either gonna end up being an agricultural worker, being in the military, or being a miner or a rigger.”

“Same, Mon. You like bein’ a rigger?”

“Yeah, I liked it a lot. I could have requested a transfer to agriculture or the military, but I liked being a roughneck. I was glad I wasn’t bred to be an administrator or an executive or a pleasure clone. I like being strong and feeling like I’ve done an honest day’s work, and I sure as hell don’t want to be anybody’s slave. But when it comes down to it, me and Perry have been Hangiri’s slaves for all these years. The corporation literally owns us.”

“Dat’s de truf of bein’ a clone, Mon. De law don’t see us as human, so Hangiri or de military or Mon-Agri can do what dem want wit’ us, so long as it ain’t outright cruelty. So long as dem keep us fed an healthy and ain’t beatin’ on us, de human rights counsel ain’t gonna crack down. Dey fuck us from de incubation tank to de grave, an’ it’s all legal.”

Where to Buy

Unfortunately, with the disaster that the last couple of weeks have been and my subsequent psychological breakdown, this book is still in the WIP stages. I hope to finish it this coming week. Hopefully, Amazon won't give me a ration of misery this time. I designed the damn cover. 

In the meantime, you can grab the first four books in the Cloned Heat series from Amazon. They're free with Kindle Unlimited or just 99 cents apiece to own.https://amzn.to/31Lwch2
You can also join me on Patreon to receive the PDF version of each new Cloned Heat book monthly, plus a couple of other little perks, for just a buck a month.http://bit.ly/NNPPatreon
Sign up for the Naughty Netherworld Newsletter and get the inside scoop on everything. Published weekly-ish or thereabouts.http://bit.ly/NaughtyNetherworldNews
The Hops

https://mfrw.blogspot.com/2021/04/retweet-0421.html

http://mfrwbookhooks.blogspot.com/
http://mfrwsteam.blogspot.com
http://www.facebook.com/groups/RainbowSnippets
http://www.facebook.com/groups/SnippetSunday
http://wewriwa.blogspot.com

The Icky, Sticky, Nit-Picky Legalese If You Please (Or Don't Please)


Creative Commons License

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

This work is the intellectual property of Naughty Netherworld Press/Poetry of the Netherworld.

Reblogging is acceptable on platforms that allow it. Odysee’s reblog function is called repost, which makes things confusing since reposting is considered a no-no on most platforms. It’s fine to share the post using the repost function on Odysee. It is not okay to copy-paste the material into a new post.

Sharing a link to the post is acceptable.

Quoting portions of the post for educational or review purposes is acceptable if proper credit is given.

Want more?

Get it here!

http://bit.ly/morennp

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Published on May 10, 2021 16:51

Update 10 May 2021

 It has been a very difficult month. As some of you know, my car died on me on a remote country road and getting it repaired wiped out my savings. 

My self-esteem is pretty shaky at the best of times and it really took a hit when I thought back on all the stupid things that I did in the past and the fact that I never managed to save any money. I have ADHD and high levels of anxiety plus complex PTSD. I also tend to experience imposter syndrome whenever I feel like I'm doing well with anything. In other words, I'm a hot mess.

I almost quit both writing and reviewing. I'm still having a lot of trouble making myself do book promotions.

It took me six weeks to review a short, easy-to-read book.

I finally finished the book review and have started writing again.

Any suggestions for free or inexpensive ways to promote my work would be greatly appreciated.

I'm honestly still recovering from the bullshit relating to the 2.5-star rating on Goodreads. I eradicated all of the Carnal Invasion books and have wiped the slate clean. 

I know that "writers are supposed to have a thick skin."

I don't. Inside my hard exterior is a mushy, worthless interior that is easily wounded.

I hate the idea that only happy, confident people can succeed or are worth anything.

I don't think I'm ever going to get my shit together.

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Published on May 10, 2021 06:48

May 6, 2021

Pensive Pens: IWSG May - Switching Gears for Flat Tires

Pensive Pens: IWSG May - Switching Gears for Flat Tires:   Welcome readers, writers, authors, and bloggers! For the fifth time this year, it's the First Wednesday of the month when we celebr...
I try to write with no expectations. Results may vary. I learned the hard way that seeking approval tends to lead to bad ends.
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Published on May 06, 2021 16:12

Insecure Writers Support Group: Where I'm At

 

Image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay
I forgot that yesterday was IWSG day. But hardly anybody ever reads my posts anyway, so, whatever.
I have had a very difficult week.
I should be getting my car back today.
I have removed all of the Carnal Invasion books from Kindle except for the collection of four short stories. They need to be reworked if they are to be re-released. In all honesty, this is not likely to happen.
My downward spiral actually started when I went on Goodreads to find the URL for one of my books and saw that my overall author rating on Goodreads was only 2.5 stars. Goodreads does not have all of my books. This low rating is because someone lambasted Coming to Earth, the first book in the Carnal Invasion series, giving it one star. 
I swear I am going to punch this Grammarly smiley emoji. What about this discourse comes off as happy?
Anyway...
Of course, not everyone is going to like every story, but I am not sure why people had it in for that story. It's not the best story I've ever written, but it's harmless. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for it.
Anyway, it's gone now and I'll not be bringing it back.
I'm normally a fairly prolific writer. I've never measured up to the "write at least 2500 words a day or you're a worthless piece of shit" measure that some writers insist is the benchmark for writerly worth, but I average about 1000 words per day.
This week, I've struggled to get 1000 words written at all and I strongly considered just deleting everything I've ever written and disengaging myself entirely. 
I did mull over the possibility of suicide. Nobody would miss me. However, from a utilitarian standpoint, it would throw my son's life into chaos and I felt it a bit unfair to do that a week before his birthday. Happy birthday, Son, here's a huge mess for you to deal with. Nah, that would be a shite thing to do.
I have found it very difficult to do the book reviews for the Online Book Club recently and I haven't been able to do the book promos for Readers Roost at all. 
I know that most people don't like me. I've resigned myself to that. 
I suppose I need to resign myself to the fact that what I write is interesting only to me. It's stupid of me to believe that I will ever have any kind of an audience. I don't know what I was thinking.
Seriously, Grammarly, "optimistic?" Is there even a single word in this piece that sounds optimistic to anybody? Fuck's sake.
All right, let me try to answer the question.
May 5 question - Has any of your readers ever responded to your writing in a way that you didn't expect? If so, did it surprise you?
Yeah, I have, and it was very reminiscent of the way people treated me when I was in school. One person picked apart a piece that I had written for the WEP Challenge. It was a vampire bit. She started her critique off with "I don't usually read vampire stories..."
I inquired why she was reading this one then since such stories weren't her bag.
"Because that's what you're supposed to do for the challenge."
Anyway, she was a twit, so I volleyed a bit of subtle snark in her direction and moved on, expecting that most of the other comments would be pretty neutral.
Instead, I got piled on.
It felt very much like being back in school. 
I hadn't even written anything terribly controversial. Maybe the fact that the vampire couple in my story were gay men bothered some people, I don't know. I probably will never know.
Although the people at WEP handled things well, this incident will probably always bother me. It's very much representative of the way I've been treated my entire life for being socially awkward and different.
People love to say "it gets better," but it really doesn't. Sometimes one just finds avenues to remove themselves from a situation.
It hasn't gotten much better for me, and I don't imagine that it ever will.
Cie, for what it's worth(and it ain't worth much)
https://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html
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Published on May 06, 2021 07:28

May 2, 2021

Update 2 May 2021: Everything Sucks

 It's newsletter time, but I'm not going to create a newsletter when I only have two subscribers. I was stupid to think that anyone would want to read what I had to say.

An incident that happened on Friday made me realize just how vulnerable I really am and how precarious my position in the world is.

My car overheated and died at the junction of County Road 77 and Highway 14. If you don't know where that is, suffice it to say that it's in the middle of nowhere.

AAA sent a tow truck and I rode with the driver to the shop but I had nobody I could call to come and pick me up because I don't know anyone where I live.

I realized that I'm hearing my mother saying "I told you so" in my mind. She didn't want my son and me to move out here. She wanted us to move in with her, refusing to acknowledge how miserable every single one of us would have been if we had agreed. She even demanded that we sell the house and move in with her after the fact. I calmly stated what a bad idea that would be, but I obviously felt guilty.

It's scary realizing how precarious everything is. Some people naturally excel at making connections. I'm not one of those people. I find it very difficult to make connections. But a person really can't live without some kind of support system. There is virtually no support system for people living in rural areas.

I've found it difficult to write since this incident. The same thing happened when I was caught in a flood in 2013. A huge wave rolling out of a field where there normally was no water slammed into the side of my car. I had PTSD and survivor's guilt. What right did I have to be doing something as frivolous as writing when others lost their property and their lives? What right did I have to be alive? Why was someone as worthless as I am spared when much better people died?

I don't believe in (or at least don't worship) the Church God that I was brought up with. However, I also don't believe that everything that happens is just a random coincidence. I think that circumstances are a blend of fate or karma and coincidence. Perhaps I'm simply choosing to believe this way as otherwise the Universe is either mean or it's arbitrary and either way, it gives me the creeps.

(That last sentence is courtesy of Calvin and Hobbes.)

I've tried to resign myself to the fact that my writing is just unpaid therapy. Nobody besides me likes what I write. I'm never going to sell anything. 

I've tried to stop writing, but every time I try, everything else goes to shit. I become severely depressed and unmotivated. I know everyone would be happier if I'd just stopped writing and participating in various writing events and blog hops. 

I'm not someone that people want around. I'm that person that people allow in if I show up at a gathering because they feel the need to be polite. Nobody actually wants me there. Nobody is interested in what I have to say, they just feel sorry for me. It's horrible to go through life knowing this.

I emailed this letter to the local church (which I feel guilty about, considering my agnostic state) and to the mayor. I don't know if it will amount to anything but I've put it out there.

After finding myself stranded on the corner of CR-77 and Highway 14 when my car overheated yesterday, I had the thought that it would be a good idea if there was a network of people that could be contacted if something like this happens. The only neighbor I knew at all moved away so now I'm left without anyone I can contact for help. I'm the only one in my household who can drive or has a (usually) working car.

I don't quite know how to start building such a network. I'm very shy and have a hard time talking to people that I don't know. If anyone likes my idea and would be interested in helping me implement it, I would be grateful for the help. I put up notices at the general store and post office.

I'm happy to volunteer myself to be available to pick people up in emergencies with the caveat that I can't drive after dark. I have night blindness due to cataracts. Also, I won't drive on major highways such as I-25 or I-80. Other than that, I am open to helping.

I then included my phone number and also my address. In a town of 137 people, I'm fine with people knocking on the door to talk to me. 

So, the conclusion I've come to is that I have to keep writing because otherwise, everything else falls apart, i.e. I can't even make myself do anything but lie around watching videos and hating myself. Meals won't be made and dishes won't get washed. 

I could just keep my shitty literary efforts to myself and spare others the misery of reading the crap that falls out of my head, but there's a part of me that needs to pretend that someone out there will like what they read and that maybe it will make a difference to them the way the writings of the likes of Poe, Lovecraft, Bierce, and King have made a difference to me.

When I was young, I believed that one day I'd be a FAMUS RITER like Stephen King. When I hit my middle years I became aware that at best I'd achieve posthumous fame as Lovecraft did. (In fairness, Lovecraft's work did have an audience during his lifetime even if he never made much money from his efforts). 

Now I realize that when I'm gone, everything I've worked on over the years will be lost and it won't matter. I hate this thought. I try to ignore it because otherwise, I don't have any motivation at all.

And that is my shitty, worthless weekend update on my shitty, worthless life.

I guess I'll find something to stuff in my gob.

I really wish I could just stop eating altogether. It's such an inconvenience and when I'm depressed, nothing tastes good anyway.

Cie the Loser

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Published on May 02, 2021 07:22

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