Frieda Taller's Blog, page 2

Almost

She hated being alone in the crowd; it was too much for her. What had gotten into her?! She had packed her bags and set off at 3am in the morning, too angry and shocked to have any idea where she was heading.

She arrived at La Union, a province in Ilocos Region on the island of Luzon, where she’d intended to go a year ago. Her busy schedule had prevented her visiting back then, but now here she was, finally here, visiting the place alone. Yes, alone in the crowd.

She cringed as memories from the past few weeks flooded her mind. She shook her head and sighed.

“That was deep! Heart problems?” She heard a baritone voice coming from behind. Turning around, she clocked a tall guy walking behind.

“Are you talking to me?” She asked, ignoring his flirtatious smile.

“Yes. No one else is here, so I’m definitely talking to you,” he replied. His arrogance darkened her mood.

“Sorry but I’m not in the mood to talk. Find someone else you can bug,” she said in a flat tone, raising an intimidating eyebrow in his direction.

“Well then, see you around grumpy,” he said, still smiling. He waved and gave her a wink before leaving her in disgust.

“What a jerk!” She said, as he faded into the crowd.

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Linger

LINGER BY FRIEDA TALLER (Real life story)

 

I replied a long, excited yes to him when I answered his proposal to me that night. Tears of joy rolled in; butterflies churning inside my stomach.

 

I was extremely ecstatic. I’ve never imagined I would get proposed to.  Well, he did propose to me over the phone without a ring to place on my finger. I was fidgety when the thought of becoming his wife flashed on my mind.

 

I was engaged to him. I was walking on cloud nine every day until he broke off the engagement a month after. My world shattered. I was in a terrible shock when I heard the beeping sound at the end of the line.

 

I broke into tears. I felt miserable as I remember all the sweet words he said when he proposed to me and that made me shed more tears.

 

I remember the day we met. He was arrogant and intimidating. The very first guy who never get intimidated by my presence. He talked with confidence using words that I don’t normally hear from anyone.

 

I wanted to stop him from talking, giving myself a momentary reprieve to get a Thesaurus and search for the words he used. I sighed in relief when I still managed to act normal in front of him.

 

I was caught off guard when he said I like you in such a nonchalant manner. In my conclusion, he was a total weirdo.

 

I thought it would be the first and last conversation between us. I was mistaken. He picked me up at my workplace, treated me to fine dining and gave me flowers and chocolates. He was Don Romantico from pocketbooks that I’ve read when I was young.

 

He wasn’t my type at all, but he made me feel very special. He wasn’t tall, but he made sure that I feel secure and protected. He was serious, but he knows a lot of ways how to put a smile on my face. He treated me like a Queen. And yes, he isn’t handsome, but his wit and wisdom made him so charming.

 

I woke up one day and realized that I was attracted to him. I closed my eyes and asked myself if it was right to fall for him. My mind and my heart were battling, but for the first time, I listened to my heart.

 

One day, he asked me to be his girlfriend while we were inside his car. His staring at me intensely.

 

Of course, I said yes. Who am I to refuse the man who stimulates both my heart and mind?

 

I experienced a lot of firsts from him: first official date as a couple, first Valentine’s Day bouquet, first exchanged of I love you’s, my first endearment, and most of all, my very first kiss. It felt so damned good… so good that I got addicted to it.

 

My knees were weakened every time he looks at me and calls me baby. I liked the ring of it. It was so sweet. And I felt a tingling sensation when I’m wrapped in his arms, as he touched me with care like I was as fragile as the most expensive vase in the world. It was the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

 

But I was completely mistaken. It was just a mere figment of my wishful thinking.

 

I thought our relationship was bound for a lifetime. But I was wrong. After being official, we rarely see each other; we seldom text each other and talk on the phone. Most of all, we never celebrated our monthsary. This was my very first relationship and I never get the chance to celebrate it?

 

Damn it! What kind of relationship did I put myself into?

 

I was his girlfriend, but I felt like one of his business partners. He taught me how to speak with authority and how to act gracefully under pressure. He was molding me to be the better version of myself.

 

Our incompatibilities and differences grew stronger that we got into a lot of arguments and constant misunderstandings. And the feeling of being ignored made me feel so dumb.

 

Blinded, I set everything aside and made myself believe in him and our so-called love.

 

I turned into a new person: understanding, patient and accepting. I accepted his flaws and quirks, even his past -his past that includes his long-time lover.

 

It bothered me a lot, but I didn’t tell him. A knife struck my heart, crushing it to pieces whenever he mentioned her name. I know that he still loves her.

 

A Seven-year relationship. How do I replace someone he loved for seven long years?  It was a losing battle, but I wanted to fight till the end. I love him, and I would do everything for him.

 

The fear of losing him came to life that night. He called me and we had a misunderstanding. He was having a temper. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. All I could remember was that he and his ex-girlfriend started to communicate again. He always said that he wanted to have a closure with her. I thought I could take it, but jealousy came rushing in, eating my heart out. He wanted to have space to think things through.

 

Damn him, but I was such a fool. It was hard but I had given him the space he needed.

 

I told myself that I will be fine; that I am stronger than anyone else, but tears won’t stop from falling. I’ve cried in front of my friends as they tried to comfort me, but the pain would not subside. It was painful. He was gone for a week, and it was the longest week I’ve ever had. I was jumpy whenever my phone rings, silently hoping that his name would pop on my screen.

 

Days went by and finally, he contacted me. I felt so relieved. I thought I’d lose him already. He said he loves me so much. Yes, he loved me that he proposed to me that night. He said I love you and asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

 

I am engaged to the man I love. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I don’t want to wake up the whole neighborhood. I said I love him too before we bid each other goodnight.

 

We need to talk, said on his text. Before I could even reply, my phone started ringing. I didn’t know but I felt so weird and nervous. There’s a voice inside of me whispering not to answer his call, but my finger swiped the answer button.

 

I said hello, but he started talking about our differences, how unready I was to get married because I have an excess baggage and I know for sure he was referring to my family. Our conversation heated up, and we started shouting at each other that ended our five-month relationship.

 

I cried liter of tears and lost some weight. It was heartbreaking. Every day was a battle I need to conquer.  It took me a while before I could recover and started living again. I was grateful for my friends for being there for me, and to GOD who has always been my savior and my salvation.

 

I was okay, and so I thought. I survived months without him even though I was still hurting with the thoughts of him still in my mind.  I thought I’ve moved on, but one phone call changed everything.

 

He contacted me five months after our break up. I thought that was the closure I needed to finally let go of my feelings for him, but we end up arguing again.

 

I didn’t expect that there will be a bigger dilemma that I need to face.

 

Two weeks have passed since our last phone call when I received another one that shattered my sanity. My body quivered as I was holding my phone. I was paralyzed. I closed my eyes, trying to understand what I just heard. I swallowed hard as if that’s the only thing I could do at that very moment. His mother’s voice still echo in my head as she shared the bad news.

 

Tears started to flow from eyes as I watched him lying in the silver steel bed, his eyes closed like he was just sleeping, covered with a white thin sheet of cloth. I could not move my feet to get closer. I felt so weak. I wanted to touch him for the last time, but my hands were shivering, a chill run down my spine. I could still not believe that he was gone… gone forever.

 

Our relationship didn’t last for long, but it’s all worth it. Thank you for always pushing me to my limits. You were given to me to teach me lessons in life that I will never forget for the rest of my life. You will always be a part of me, baby. I am praying for your soul and may the perpetual light upon you. This isn’t a goodbye but see you later, baby. Those were my words as I tossed the flower in his casket as it was gradually lowered into the ground.

 

I whispered I love you in the air as I walked away from his grave.

Lost Girl

LOST GIRL

By: whenfridzspeaks

04-06-18

 

My head in chaos

Memories sneak in

A reminder

How things were

Before

 

I was happy.

 

I walk down

My memory lane

Greet my old self

My sparkling eyes-

Inspired

and contented.

 

I had a full time job-

Accountant

By day

Writer

at night.

 

Happy life

Crazy friends

Supportive family.

I have Me.

 

I was single.

I didn’t care about

Anniversaries

That my friends

Celebrated

 

I enjoyed being single

I owned my time

My space

My heart.

I was happy.

 

I didn’t care about

People

Bugging me

Their endless questions

 

“Why are you single?”

 

“When are you getting married?”

 

I just didn’t care.

I was too busy to care…

 

Until

You came.

 

My world

Changed

When you said hello.

 

You made me believe

That soulmates

Exist.

 

You made me believe

That forever

Remains.

 

You brought more

Joy

To my

joyful life.

 

You made me feel

Unbound happiness

 

We were happy.

You made me imagine

Walking down

The aisle,

To you

At the end

Waiting for

Me.

 

You made me imagine

What life could be

Together

You & Me

 

Two beautiful

Kids and a house of

Our own.

 

You made me imagine

All the date nights

Together for

The rest of our

Lives.

 

 

You made me believe

That fairy tales

Do come true…

 

But you never told

Me that fairy tales

Were just

A romance

Fiction

A make believe

Everyone

Knew.

 

You were my

Soulmate

But

I never knew

Not all soulmates

Stay

Together

Forever

 

We were just two

People who believe

In the same belief…

But we were not meant to

Be.

 

You made me imagine

How great

“I dos” and “till death

Do us part” are,

Never did I imagine

You never planned

To exchange these words with me.

You made me imagine

Beautiful things

but never taught me

that imagining

Can be

disastrous memories.

 

 

I was happy.

We were happy.

I thought we were happy

But you

Left me

A mirror world

Shattered into

Pieces.

 

Tears rolled down my face,

Insecurities crept in

Was it me?

Was it you?

Was I not enough?

Or you were just dissatisfied?

Was I too much?

Or were you just a joke?

 

All this time

I thought

You were

“The one”

But little did I know

All this time

I wasn’t the only one.

 

A pulsating, throbbing pain

struck me;

as if there was a crack

in my head,

No bandage

could cover

 

I tried to look back

To the girl I was

With the sparkling

Eyes,

but the spark

was gone.

I have lost

The spark

And I have

Lost ME.

 

I lost myself

When I found you.

 

 

I Won’t be there

When you need someone to vent to,

someone who would listen to your endless rants,

When you need someone to lean on,

someone who will be your crying shoulders,

I’m telling you my dear, I won’t be there.

When you feel like you’re not enough

and you need someone to assure you,

someone who would lift your morale and

tell you that you can do it;

someone who would cheer you on to

keep you moving,

I’m telling you my dear, I won’t be there.

When your anxiety attacks and depression

comes creeping in,

When your life starts falling apart and you

need someone to be there for you,

someone who would hold your hand and

stand by your side,

someone who would hug you tight

to make you feel better,

I’m telling you my dear, I won’t be there.

When you feel unloved and need some care

When you feel not enough and

unworthy,

I’m telling you my dear, I won’t be there.

I won’t be there when you need me

coz I’ll be needing myself to take care of me

since you ignored me when I needed you.

I won’t be there to listen to you

coz I will be listening to GOD more

since you never listen to me.

I won’t be there to make you feel better

coz I’ll be busy picking myself up

since you let me down a

hundred times.

And I won’t be there to love you

coz I’ll be loving myself

more than I love you.

So now, I’m telling you my dear,

I won’t be there anymore.

Aquarior: Afraid not thy water

 

Click to view slideshow.

I’m Uber in-love with water but water couldn’t care less whether I drown or not. It’s really fascinating how I can love something that I couldn’t even fully enjoy with- the water and swimming.

I love going to beaches and resort and play with water but unfortunately, I didn’t know how to swim. (Oh poor me!) Several of my friends tried teaching me how to but they failed. Or maybe I failed coz I didn’t learn from them. I just couldn’t. Whenever I tried, I would have this thought of drowning so I panicked automatically and rushed to the edge of the pool or to the shore. It’s like my feet is being pulled by an unknown creature, an invisible and it’s slowly making me lose my mind. My heart won’t stop from beating. “Why can’t I just learn how to swim? How come others can and I cannot?” Those were the questions I always have in mind whenever I failed to learn how to swim. If drowning is a class, I would be top 1.

But everything changed. I’ve changed. I changed my perspective and mindset. I told myself, “I will learn how to swim this 2017 no matter what happen”. So scared and excited, I enrolled in a swimming lessons where most of the students are kids ages 2-18, and here I am, age 28. Hahaha! So yeah, I am old but I was determined to learn.

The first day was enthralling. The 25-metered pool was inviting me to go dive in but I controlled myself. I had to wait for my coach to tell me that I can go in to the water. The first lesson was breathing which they called as “bubbles”. (It was the most important part of swimming.) I thought it was as easy as breathing when you’re on top of the water, but it wasn’t. Breathing using your mouth underwater took me two or three hours before I could finally do it with ease. (Phew!)

The next lesson was the dead man’s floating. Seriously, I can’t even float on my back so how am I be able to do it on the other side? Scared and nervous, I tried doing what my coach told me to do and in one try, I was doing it. Yay! It was a sign. A sign that I can float when I’m dead. Hahaha! Kidding! So, yeah, I did it so we moved to the next one which is the streamlining. It’s where your hands are straight in front of you and you put it together and you just paddle your feet. It was actually an easy one since I’ve tried it before when a friend of mine tried to teach me.  The next one was the dog paddle which is the easiest one out of all the strokes that I will mention later. The last lesson for that day was the freestyle. Okay, I’m no Michael Phelps so I didn’t learn how to do it in just a few minutes. It was really a difficult one that I haven’t perfected it yet until now.

The next 11 days were more exciting and tiring, if I must say. Coach Dang, the ever patient, kind and awesome coach I’ve ever had, taught me how to do the breast stroke (which I prefer calling the frog stroke), butterfly and back stroke. Just like freestyle, they’re all difficult to learn except for the latter since that’s the only one I’ve perfected (I have to tap my back for learning that since that’s what I really want to learn since I started loving the water). So yeah, the basic lessons were done so the next stage was leg-burning and heart pumping.

I never imagined myself doing a 24 laps in a 25-meter pool a day doing all the strokes that my coach has taught me. Out of all the strokes, only the back stroke was the only one I could finish without stopping in the middle of the pool. Yet, I’m still proud of myself for I have been able to learn these strokes at this age. I never would have imagined that I could learn how to swim since a lot of people have tried and failed to teach me how to. I guess, if you really put your heart into it, you will really learn. And having a patient and a talented coach is another factor.

The swimming sessions were about to end, and I was aware that the last two session would be jumping on a 10-ft pool and do the threading. A 10-ft pool and threading, the thought of it made me feel so jittery. It was terrifying since I wasn’t confident yet with my swimming skills and an effin 10-ft pool sounded like a grave to me. As I walked towards the pool, my heart was pounding, my feet were trembling. I kept swallowing as I got near my grave, I mean, the pool. And I was petrified when my coach jumped in as if it was the normal thing to do (I know it was for her, but not for me, okay? Don’t judge me).

I got into the water as slowly as I can, holding to the edge of the pool. Finally, I was in the water and the next step I did was to cross the other side using the dog paddle. It was easy, dog paddle was easy, but the thought of the 10-ft pool kept crawling inside my head that I had to rushed to the other side to hold to the edge of the pool again. I know I sound crazy but the hell I care, I was really scared. Crossing it a few times warmed me up and I was able to calmed down a bit. The next thing was she taught me how to thread. Yes, another difficult thing for me to do. I was told to swim up to the middle of the pool and tried to thread as much as I could and get back to the edge of the pool. The last part was the most spine-chilling, blood-curdling – jumping on the diving board. Geez. It really scared the sh*t out of me but after a few times of going back and forth, I finally did it. Yeah, I jumped in. Yay! I’m proud of myself.

So yeah, the lessons ended and I learned how to swim. How cool is that? So guys, I’m telling you, it’s never too late to try the things you want to do. It’s just a matter of time and determination. And remember, you only have two choices, be it a day one or one day.

Thousand Miles Away

THOUSAND MILES AWAY

BY: FRIEDA D. TALLER

a.k.a artsyfridz

 

I was scared to travel the world of love,

To explore the complicated world of dating;

It scared the hell out of me, oh my God!

Just by thinking that someone might not take

me seriously!

 

But it was then that I realized

That I should not be afraid to try,

To wander around and meet a lot of guys

To get out of my comfort zone and spread

my wings to fly.

 

I’ve met a few but none of them is you

Like the one I’ve been dreaming about;

Tall, well-built, and eyes are blue,

Can I even meet you? I’m all in doubt.

 

I was in pain, my hearts in vain,

Not sure if love will come, I’m so hopeless;

In my own negative thoughts I’ve been drowning

Should I stop looking, in my own world should

I be hiding?

 

I was ready to give up when love tap me on my back

And told me, “Hey, your time has come!”

I was confused, I should’ve stepped back

But my feet stridden one step closer.

 

I met him in the most unexpected place,

In the most unexpected time of the day.

It was almost midnight; the moon was shining brightly,

While the sun was up shining to where he was.

 

God must have put a joke on us,

Keeping us apart; thousand miles away from each other.

But love knows no distance

For two worlds apart have fin’lly met with one

another.

 

*********

Estranghero Na Lang

Estranghero Na Lang

3:42pm 03-04-17

By: artsyfridz

 

Hindi ko maintindihan mahal

Kung paanong ang ating pagmamahalan

Ay biglang nagtapos na lang,

Kung paanong ang puso mo ay biglang

Nanlamig na lang.

Hindi ko maintindihan mahal

Kung bakit ngayon ako sa’yo’y

Isang estranghero na lang.

 

Paano nga ba mahal nagbago ang lahat?

Paanong ang dating matamis, makulay at

Masayang pagsasama ay bigla na lang

Pumait, lumungkot at nawalan nang kulay?

Paano nga ba mahal na ako sayo’y

Estranghero na lang?

 

Hindi ko maintindihan mahal, pero bago ang lahat,

Nais kong simulant sa simulang-simula.

Kung paano pinagtagpo nang tadhana ang dalawang

Estrangherong tulad natin.

Sisimulan ko sa simula kung paanong

Ikaw at ako ay nagging tayo;

Kung paanong ang tayo ay binuo ng ikaw at ako.

 

Naaalala ko pa yung una nating pagkikita mahal,

Nagkasabay tayo sa may waiting shed dahil

Biglang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan.

Sabay pa nating nabigkas ang mga salitang

“Umuulan na naman!”

Napalingon tayo sa isa’t isa at saka nagkangitian.

Naaalala mo pa ba mahal na’ng sa simpleng ngitian

Ay bigla mong tinanong ang aking pangalan

At doon nagsimula ang walang humpay na kwentuhan

Kaya nga hindi natin napansin na tumila na pala

Ang malas na ulan.

Naalala mo pa ba mahal?

Dahil tandang-tanda ko pa ang bawat detalye ng

Ating pagmamahalan mula sa unang “hi at hello”,

Sa una nating date sa ilalim nang buwan at mga

Bituin na tila ba binabasbasan ang ating nabuong

Pag-iibigan, hanggang sa ating unang monthsarry,

At umabot nang taon…lima, anim, pitong anibersaryo.

Pitong anibersaryo mahal.

Naaalala mo pa ba mahal? Lahat ba ng alaala natin

Ay kinalimutan mo nang tuluyan kaya ako

Ngayon sa’yo’s estranghero na lang?

 

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan mahal

Kung paanong ikaw ay biglang

Nanlamig na lang, kung paanong ang dating sweet na ikaw ay biglang naging temperamental at parating

Nakasinghal kahit sa simpleng pagkakamali ko lang.

Kung paanong ang bawat halik mo’y hindi ko na ramdam,

Kung paanong ang dating araw-araw nap ag-uusap sa text at facebook ay biglang naging madalang,

At kung paanong ang pagtawag mo sa pangalan ko

Ay tila kantang wala sa tono, gitarang sintunado,

Sa madaling salita mahal, di na ito espesyal.

Hindi na ako espesyal dahil para sa’yo, ako’y estranghero na lang.

 

Tinanong kita mahal kung ako ba’y mahal mo pa,

Kung puso mo ba’y pagmamay-ari ko pa.

Hindi ka sumagot agad at tila ba nagdadalawang isip ka pa… “Oo naman, ano ka ba?”

Yun ang sabi mo pero ni hindi ka makatingin sa aking mga mata.

Gusto ko sanang panghawakan ang sinabi mo mahal,

Pero ramdam ko kasi na nagsisinungaling ka lang.

Paano ba naman kasi mahal,

Nahuli kitang may kahawak-kamay nung nakaraang araw lang.

Tila ba gumuho ang mundo ko lalo pa nga at nakita ko kung gaano ka kasaya sa piling niya.

Yung saya na meron tayo noong una nating pagkikita.

Ang sakit mahal na harap-harapan mo akong niloloko.

T***ina mahal, ano ba ang nagawa ko?

Ibinigay ko naman lahat pero pinagpalit mo pa rin ako.

Ang sakit mahal.

Ang sakit-sakit.

Ang sakit, lalo na ngayon na ako sa’yo’y estranghero na lang.

Estranghero na lang ulit.

 

 

 

Gastronomic Desires

Food, a four letter word with different varieties and endless taste and smell. Just thinking about food makes my tummy cells to go Über loco for it is divine; it’s like a holy grail with miraculous power to ease someone’s mood. And thus, I always see to it that I sate my appetite to the fullest.

Click to view slideshow.

I’m truly blessed to have a big appetite but I don’t gain a lot of weight. I am a fat kid trapped in a small body, and that for me is a blessing. Why? ‘Coz I can eat tons of food especially my favorite one i.e pizza, ice cream, french fries, tiny burger, shake, COFFEE, donuts, spaghetti, triple chocolate cake, blueberry cheesecake, and a lot more.

I have this “hangry” thing when the food is served a little too late. I kind of get angry when the food arrived too late or when the service is really slow. I don’t hate the waiters per se, they are just being annoying sometimes especially when they don’t serve the food on time. But I tend to forget that I’m mad whenever I see the food coming. The aroma of it that travels through my nostrils, the picture-perfect presentation of the mouth-watering food that is Instagramable, and of course, the delectable taste that is to die for. Every bite is like heaven. So, before I turn into a monster, I have to start devouring the food in front of me to sate my cravings.

Sometimes, I even forget that I’m in a relationship with a real person. I tend to be blown away of the overwhelming taste of the food that I feel that I was in a relationship with the food. Hahaha. Just kidding!

Sated

Fire

Fire is like love. It all starts with a tiny little match like love starts from a simple crush. Slowly, the fire grows like that of desire that is burning inside your heart. The warmth feeling it gives you when you’re cold like you feel when he hugs you so tight- you feel so secure. As it gets bigger and hotter, your first reaction is to run away from it. You are scared to get burn… burn just like when his skin touches yours, sending chills down your spine, making you feel nervous and uneasy, and a tingling sensation in the middle of your legs. But once this fire touches your skin, leaving a mark of your yesterday. A scar that will always remind you of your past, just like how you remember all your pains and heartaches.

You will soon realize that fire will no longer hurt you once it slowly dies. It can no longer hurt you like how you’ve been hurt before. The fire and the smoke will soon fade away in the sky, together with the love you felt before. You moved on. And fire, like love, can end and start again.