Jennifer DeFrates's Blog, page 4

The Best Christian Rules to Teach your Daughter

Have you read the rules to teach your daughter going around Facebook? I’ve seen that heart-warming, feel-good list a few times, but never read it carefully. It always seemed like an empowering, you go girl kind of list. Thumbs up, heart it and move on. But when I slowed down to actually read it, I was surprised by how many of those rules don’t line up with how God instructs us to live. In fact, following some of these rules led me down some paths that I don’t want my daughter to walk. I would rather her skip those portions of my coming of age if possible. Seriously, if I could go back in time to give myself some rules, they definitely would not include following my heart and trusting my intuition. Those are terrible rules! Jeremiah 17:9 ESV / The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? While I can’t prevent her from experiencing her own difficulties and struggling with sin, if I could write my own list of rules, I would want them all to center on Jesus. My earthly advice may fail her, but Jesus never will. The Best Christian Rules to Teach Your Daughter Love God with all that you are; then love other people with His kind of unconditional love. Allow God’s incredible universe to inspire praise & prayers. God bends his ear to listen to your prayers. Life is often hard and unfair. But know that it was hard and unfair to Jesus first. You can’t expect to be treated better than Jesus. John 15:18-20 ESV / “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you….”  Reacting well when life is hard and unfair speaks louder than any fit you can throw would. People will see Jesus (or won’t) in how you handle the hard parts. Matthew 5:16 It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt or life is hard, but take those broken places to Jesus. You’ll be amazed at how He comes beside you during your darkest times. Psalm 34:18 ESV The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Forgive often. You’ll never regret letting go of hurt and bitterness. Trust God to deal justly with those who hurt you as He has dealt with you. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” Taking responsibility for your side doesn’t excuse other’s wrongs, but frees you from carrying the baggage from your own. Don’t follow people, they will always fall short. Follow God and you’ll find people worth doing life with. Always hold yourself to a higher standard of following Jesus than you hold others. (Matthew 5 is a pretty good place to start) Happiness is a fleeting emotion based on temporary circumstances. Joy is a permanent condition found in knowing your eternal circumstances. Don’t take your eyes off Jesus. Philippians 4:11 (ESV) 11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. Let your kindness and gentleness be known by all. Pray constantly like you’re having a running conversation with a friend. God loves it when we come to Him with everything. Fill your mind and heart with the things you want to see flow out of your mouth. Hold them to the Phil. 4:8 standard. Learn how to have genuine joy and be able to smile with sincerity, even through tears. That is the peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:4-9 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Always walk with your tribe. This is important for many reasons, especially if you are a little clumsy. Ecc 4:10 God has given you the ability and strength to do whatever He has called you to do, but it still takes hard work to develop your talents and gifts. Your body, God’s rules. When you choose God’s way of caring for your body, you protect yourself and your future physically, sexually, spiritually, and emotionally. If you have an opinion, know what you believe and why. Be able to back it up and check it against what God says. 1 Peter 3:15 ESV But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, Enjoy the ways God made you uniquely gifted. No one else will ever be able to take your role in His plan. Always remember that God planned for you before the universe began. Eph. 2:10 God made you AMAZING. If people can’t see that, they lose out. Better to let God close doors than force them open. Beauty is an attitude, not a look. If you are kind, loving, gentle, etc., people will see how beautiful you really are. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. As much as it is up to you, get along with all persons. Friendliness and manners go along way. Romans 12:18 ESV If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Question everything – even your own feelings, but hold everything to the universal truths of God. His word can take testing. No matter where you are, you can always come home. You are always my girl. I will run to you like father in the prodigal son. You don’t necessarily need to get married to be a fulfilled woman. Sometimes being single is a gift from God. Embrace whatever God has in store for your life. Don’t settle for anything less than God’s best for you. You’re worth waiting for. Trust His timing. Be patient with difficult people. You are one of them. And God gave you His perfect grace. Share that with people who need it most. When you’re a mom, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever loved. Stay in your Bible. Following God’s word will protect you from a lot of poor choices and help you know His will for your life. Always remember you’re a daughter of the King. Act like it. I pray I live these rules in a way that inspires my daughter to follow them, too.

The post The Best Christian Rules to Teach your Daughter appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

The Best Father’s Day Gift for Your Husband

What is the best Father’s Day gift for your husband? A tie? A grill? A fishing trip with his best friends? Nope, the best Father’s Day gift for your husband isn’t a thing. It’s an attitude. Woo hoo! You mean the best gift I can give my husband on Sunday is free??? Yep, and you don’t have to wait for Father’s Day either. My husband really enjoys having nice grill tools and quality fishing gear. He loves a new graphic-t or pair of sturdy hiking boots. This CHiPs shirt is such a favorite, that when he stains one, I have to buy him another. But all those things mean nothing if he doesn’t feel I respect him as her father. Sometimes, we modern moms believe we can do this parenting gig all by ourselves. And there are millions of women who are single and doing a wonderful job of parenting their children. But having a loving father makes all the difference in the world to children. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence. – Pediatrics of Franklin Furthermore, as Christians, we know that our fathers can affect how we understand the character of God. Additionally, when a dad is engaged in church and Bible study, the children are more likely to become Christ followers as well. This article by Nick Cady really highlights several important statistics about a dad’s impact on the faith of his family. As much I would like to believe that my faith will make an impact on my daughter, statistically, her father’s attitude towards church and God are more likely to influence her. Dads are really important. Children with involved fathers are more confident, do better educationally, have more emotional balance, and are generally more successful in life. But with the rise of feminism, we haven’t seen the role of fathers be respected as much as it should be. We want to empower women, which is great. Acknowledging the abilities and capacities of women is important. Women are created in God’s image as well. However, we’ve let empowering women become denigrating men. We shouldn’t have to take away anything from honoring the strength and loyalty and leadership of masculinity to celebrate femininity, but we have. We’ve made masculinity toxic in our culture instead of separating what is toxic from what is masculinity. And something I’ve noticed about men is the more criticized they feel, the less likely they are to pursue earning respect, which becomes a vicious cycle. Wives become critical or nag, husbands withdraw, so we criticize them for withdrawing. Being critical is the single largest way women disrespect their husbands. Learning to respect my husband is a lesson I have to relearn often because he is imperfect. Respecting him comes from acknowledging my own failures and worth in God’s eyes, so that I can better see his worth and value even when he is messy or frazzled or even sinful. My respect for my husband cannot depend on his actions, but on my heart for God and him. In the middle of difficult situations, I easily see from the outside how I might have handled it differently, but he needs the freedom to be who God made him to be. And he has to walk the path of personal and spiritual growth God has set before him. I’ve learned to try not to criticize him for anything. If any issue seriously needs discussing, I pray first, wait until my emotions are under control, then ask him how he felt about that moment or decision. You might be surprised at how God can work in his heart without your assistance. Or even how what you saw wasn’t quite accurate. As much as I try to see from his perspective, I miss things and make faulty judgments based on my limited perspective. Being a submissive wife is about loving him more than myself. Especially in his role as father, I need to show him respect for who he is. God gave each of us the perfectly imperfect parents we were meant to have. I have to let him be her dad, whoever that is. God gave her this one dad, and he doesn’t have to be perfect to be the right parent for her. And it doesn’t matter if I actually respect him if he doesn’t feel respected. My husband and I’ve been deep into a conversation about how disrespected he feels while I list all the ways I value him and all the things I respect about him. But it comes down to this, if I have to argue that “I respect you, darn-it!” I’m not doing it well. Everyday, I choose to respect him through how I treat him. Do I criticize every little thing he does? When he makes a mess do I mutter under my breath or clean it up, happily able to care for him in this way? Do I let his dirty underwear on the floor derail my role as his helpmate? Despite being a clean freak, I dislike housework immensely. But as the stay at home partner, I get to take on most of it. He works terribly hard so I get to homeschool and be home with our daughter. I don’t have to find personal fulfillment at the bottom of a sink of dishes to wash them joyfully. One area I’m honestly still working on is letting him find his own way with her. Sometimes, I ask him to step in because what I’m doing isn’t working with our strong-willed daughter. But then, I want to micro-manage how he steps in. If I respect him, I have to respect him enough to let him make his own decisions about how to parent her. And I have to respect him enough to let him make mistakes. I know, how magnanimous of me. But seriously, I need to let him make mistakes without judgment. We’re both trying to figure out this parenting thing moment to moment. And if I assume the best of him, that he loves her and wants to raise her well, I need to let him make mistakes, sometimes without even a word. I don’t need to point out when something didn’t work. But I do need to applaud when and praise him when things go well. I’m one of those people who assumes the best of everyone and every situation unless I see something wrong. So, I have a tendency to only say things when there is something wrong. Can you imagine how damaging it would be to only hear criticism? I’ve had to remind myself that the kind, loving thoughts in my head need to be shared out loud! He needs to hear me say it. He needs to hear me talk proudly of him to our daughter and others. In short, your husband NEEDS respect this Father’s Day more than any gift you can buy. 6 FREE ways to show your father or husband respect any day: Cook his favorite meal and dessert. Ask him for his to-do list and surprise him by doing it so he gets a weekend off! Write him a letter or several notes telling him what you appreciate about him extra points if you hide them where he will be surprised by notes all day. Assume the best of him instead of the worst, even when things go awry. Spend the day actively doing his favorite things. Go fishing. Watch golf. Etc. DEAL with him. That means Drop Everything And Listen. Give him your best attention as often as humanly possible. Respect is the best Father’s Day gift you can give your husband all year long. And the best part is that it’s the gift that gives back to you. I’ve seen my respect for my husband translate into a better relationship and marriage over time. Even when we have a real conflict, he can better trust in my love and respect because I work at demonstrating it even when it’s not what I’m emotionally feeling. Because I’ve learned to trust in God first, and trust that God is working on my husband as He is on me. The progress might sometimes be slow, imperfect, and messy, but God can give us beauty for our ashes.

The post The Best Father’s Day Gift for Your Husband appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

Do I have to go to church to be a Christian?

Do I HAVE to go to church to be a Christian? The weekend is finally here, but instead of resting, I hop on my to-do list and finish Saturday feeling accomplished and exhausted. But, as I set my alarm for the morning, sometimes, I’m tempted not to rise and shine. Can’t I give God the glory, glory from home? Is worshipping from home a legitimate choice? Am I still a Christian if I don’t go to church? Going to church is not a part of salvation. When we add requirements to salvation or Christianity that Jesus did not, we add burdens and weights to the light yoke of Jesus. “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” – Billy Sunday We become Christians by hearing the gospel message and trusting in Jesus for our salvation, not by going to church. Romans 10:9-10 ESV “Because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.” Our works do not save us. Salvation is a gift from God that we cannot earn. Thank Heavens! I can’t imagine ever being good enough in a single hour to deserve God’s holy righteousness. Ephesians 2:8 ESV “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,” But, that doesn’t mean you can sleep in on most Sundays and not go to church. Because being saved is more than praying some magical prayer. Repenting of your sins and surrendering your life to Christ isn’t something you do once. We all need to choose to carry our cross daily. As Christians, we are living works of sanctification. Our lives and works on this earth reflect Christ to those who have not yet heard or believed. What we do matters. James 2:18 ESV “But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” You don’t need to go to church to be a Christian, but attending church is part of being a Christian. Yet, our modern idea of church would seem very strange to the apostles. The Bible never tells us to go to a specific building for one hour a week, complain about the air conditioning or worship music, and go home. The Apostolic Church was a body of believers who did life together. They lived and worked together in community. The early Christians shared their neighbors troubles and were generous with their blessings. They met in homes and were committed to each other as parts of the body of Christ. We need to go to church as part of covenantal fellowship with a body of believers. The early church was on mission. They were in the trenches reaching people with the gospel. We need a church body to be as effective as possible in sharing the love of Christ because we are gifted in different ways. Additionally, we need to belong to a church. My church doesn’t have membership the way most churches used to, but I’ve chosen to commit to this group of people. The people who come to this building every week are family. We support each other and pray for each other. We need to go to church for others as much as for ourselves. Generally, western Christians drift in and out of buildings/groups too easily, often without asking ourselves if God has a purpose in my staying in a church that doesn’t perfectly meet my every need? I’ve learned to be patient in the not perfect, to offer grace when I disagree, to pray for the spiritual growth of the body, and to love those who walk through the door more like Jesus does. While I love our worship band, they don’t always play my favorite songs. The pastor’s message is always Biblical and moving, but isn’t always what I think I needed to hear. Yet, the people always are there. I can hug them, say a prayer, ask about their week, bring them a meal. I’ve seen God use my church body to change me the most when I was serving others through faithful attendance and fellowship. Lastly, we go to church because it’s part of growing in our walk as Christians. Through fellowship, we learn to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  Attending a church building, home church, or even a small fellowship group helps us strengthen our relationship with God and our understanding of His word and character.  In these difficult times culturally, we need the church family to encourage us as believers to live righteously. Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” By attending church, we develop relationships that help refine us with people who challenge us to reject the sinful thoughts and beliefs of the world. No, you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian, but we all should to grow as members of the body of Christ. We all miss Sundays here and there. We don’t attend every pancake breakfast or women’s tea, but church attendance should be a priority. You will be blessed and be a blessing as part of a group of people pursuing the great commission of Christ.

The post Do I have to go to church to be a Christian? appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

Are You Contending for Your Children’s Faith?

Contending for your children’s faith can sound daunting. If you’re a Christian parent, you want to raise your children to know and love the Lord, but there is no one sure-fired 100% way to parent that brings kids to Jesus. With 161 million search results on Christian parenting, it’s hard to know where to begin. […]

The post Are You Contending for Your Children’s Faith? appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

Help your Kids have a more Screen Free Summer

Is a screen free summer something you really want for your children, but you don’t have the time or energy to go full crunchy mama? (Heaven not Harvard is as a participant in affiliate programs including the Amazon Associates Program. As an affiliate, I earn from qualifying purchases.) For my family, screen free is probably […]

The post Help your Kids have a more Screen Free Summer appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

How to Better Pray for Your Children

Of course, you want to pray for your children. But maybe, you struggle with being as intentional about it as you want to be. I found some ideas that help me better pray for my child. Hopefully, these ideas will help you, too. I made praying a bigger part of my life a few years […]

The post How to Better Pray for Your Children appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

4 Ways Christians Can Observe Ramadan

Christians can observe Ramadan? You might ask why Christians would observe the Islamic holy month of Ramadan at all. Because Jesus entrusted us with a mission for those who do not know Him. Matthew 28:19 ESV Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son […]

The post 4 Ways Christians Can Observe Ramadan appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

Finding your Brave – Year 8

“Finding your Brave” is my daughter’s birthday letter from her 8th birthday. I hadn’t shared it before, but I’m so incredibly proud of the year my daughter was 7-8. I watched her grow in ways I didn’t know she could. (Heaven not Harvard is as a participant in affiliate programs including the Amazon Associates Program. […]

The post Finding your Brave – Year 8 appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

Why Jesus washed the feet of Judas

Have you ever wondered why Jesus washed the feet of Judas? It’s always been part of the story, but sometimes, we don’t pay attention to the details when we’re so familiar with a story. (Heaven not Harvard is as a participant in affiliate programs including the Amazon Associates Program. As an affiliate, I earn from […]

The post Why Jesus washed the feet of Judas appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.

Yes! You really can Homeschool Bravely!

Homeschool bravely? Maybe your answer is Not me, I’m not a teacher. How could I possibly homeschool at all, much less bravely??? I remember being nervous about homeschooling. Even as a former high school teacher (17 years in the classroom), starting to homeschool for kindergarten seemed like a huge step of faith. Would I be […]

The post Yes! You really can Homeschool Bravely! appeared first on Heaven not Harvard.