Jennifer DeFrates's Blog, page 3

How to Talk with Kids about Jesus

I used to think I knew how to talk with kids about Jesus to help them establish a lasting faith. It seemed simple enough. Read the Bible. And absolutely, the Bible is where we should begin. Reading the Bible together regularly is the best way to open a dialogue with your kids about Jesus. Everything about Jesus must begin with the Bible because that is how God chose to reveal His truths to us about Himself, the world, and Jesus. But, that isn’t as simple as it used to be. My parents taught me that the Bible was truth, and that was that until college, where I first faced atheism as the predominant worldview. (And my faith was shaken – but more on that later) But we didn’t have the internet. (I know, I’m ancient.) Today, children are confronted with atheist perspectives at younger and younger ages. In an information age, we must contend for the faith of our children in new ways. Holding fast to the accuracy and inerrancy of the Bible isn’t as simple as because I said so anymore. Starting to talk with kids about Jesus has to begin with why we believe the Bible is the word of God. We have to start to talk with kids about Jesus by establishing the Bible as a credible source. Establishing the Bible as a credible source proves our faith is based on truth. Without that foundation, religion is simply a preference, as of little importance as a favorite flavor of ice cream. By teaching our children the Bible is a reliable historical document inspired by God, we prepare them to live a life built on the solid rock of Christ. And they will be able answer many common atheist objections for themselves and others. Quick Responses on the Reliability of the Bible The Old Testament is reliable because it was copied carefully and contains accurate predictions. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls verifies that the Bible we have today matches the ancient documents from thousands of years ago. We also know that Jesus believed the Old Testament was reliable. He quoted from it often in His teaching. So, if the New Testament accounts about Jesus are reliable, the OT is as well. But is the New Testament really reliable? Yes! And you don’t have to spend years studying apologetics to be able to demonstrate that the New Testament is reliable to your children. Many Christian scholars have already done the heavy lifting for you! Just a few of the MANY worth following (click names for NT related content) are Gary Habermas, Natasha Crain, J. Warner Wallace of Cold Case Christianity, Sean McDowell, Greg Koukl and Stand to Reason, and MamaBear Apologetics. We have to establish that the New Testament is reliable because it is only through the text that we come to know the real, historical Jesus. And that brings us back to the Bible. We have to teach our children sound doctrine and theology. It’s not helpful to ask WWJD (what would Jesus do) if we don’t know what He would do! As Christians and parents, we have to know what Jesus did and said and how that relates what we believe. So as you read the Bible together, talk to kids about Jesus by using some critical reading skills. What did Jesus do here? Is there any religious or historical context we need to understand for this passage? What did Jesus say? Who was His audience? What did Jesus mean by what he said? How can we know that? What did the disciples think or ask about the situation? Are there other Bible passages that relate to this topic? Does Jesus appear in the Old Testament? If so, where? (Spoiler alert – He totally does!) What if you don’t feel prepared to talk to kids about Jesus? It’s okay to learn alongside your kids! You don’t have to be an expert to get them thinking. You just have to be one step ahead to help someone follow along. And there are so many great resources available to you! Books can be great resources to open conversations or explain complicated concepts. Any parent can be prepared to answer most of the primary questions about Jesus or main atheist objections to Jesus with one easy to use resource, Talking with Your Kids about Jesus by Natasha Crain. I am on the launch team for this book and it is AMAZING! I’ve already seen my daughter’s faith grow through the conversations we’re having while reading this book. First, Talking with Your Kids About Jesus is like an apologetics 101. If you’ve never even dipped a toe into the waters of apologetics, this is where to start. While all about Jesus, the way Natasha explains each subject, she addresses many basic defenses for Christianity as a whole as well. It really is a great entry into learning how to defend our faith from the world’s skepticism. The book is broken into 30 brief chapters. I can easily read one or two sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. Some of the topics Natasha covers are: Is Jesus real? Was Jesus the Jewish Messiah? Is Jesus God? Did he claim to be? Is Jesus the only way to salvation? Is Hell real? Why did Jesus have to die and what was the purpose of His death? What evidence do we have for the empty tomb and Resurrection? Each chapter begins with a relatable situation that identifies the main question she will answer. Then she gives a basic survey of the evidence and information we have on that topic. The information is well-organized so it is easy for busy parents to digest. I love how each chapter ends with real examples showing ways to talk with your kids. Natasha’s writing style is totally relatable as a woman and mom. Her funny and poignant anecdotes make the lessons very accessible. I only wish I had this book years ago for my own faith! TWYKAJ truly covers almost every objection to Jesus I’ve ever heard and clarifies the primary beliefs of the Christian faith. I would recommend TWYKAJ for anyone, but the conversations are going to be the most impactful if your children are old enough to understand the concepts, ages 7 and up would be my best estimate. My daughter is 9 and grasps the basics of each chapter. Make sure to tailor your resources to the age of your kiddos. But don’t underestimate them. They spend all week at school being taught complicated history lessons and challenging math or science concepts, but are coloring pictures in Sunday School, singing songs about the Arky Arky. Our kids can handle much more than we expect. Plus, there are amazing resources available for any age level. A couple years ago, I started my daughter’s apologetic’s journey with a set of picture books. They use fictional stories to explain the creation of the universe, objective morality, and the resurrection of Christ. And she loves the Cold Case Christianity for Kids books. God’s Crime Scene for Kids is all about the creation and fine-tuning of the universe, while Cold Case Christianity for Kids focuses on examining Jesus like a detective. How important is it to talk with kids about Jesus? Crucial. Remember how I first encountered real atheism in college? I heard objections to Christianity that I’d never heard before. And because I had never heard them, they sounded very damning of Christianity. When I learned there are more discrepancies between copies of the New Testament than there are words, I didn’t know how to keep believing it was true. So I walked away from living like it was true for most of the next two decades. But God never let me go. He kept coming after me until I turned my heart back to Him. Thankfully, it was then I found apologetics and discovered answers for all my questions. I learned those text discrepancies can be accounted for through copy errors. We can easily reconstruct the original text from the thousands of copies we have. Not a single error affects any important Christian belief or doctrine. Apologetics totally rebuilt the foundation of my faith. But, I don’t want my daughter to spend time lost in the wilderness of rebellion like I did. I want her to have the answers to all the questions now. And know that we have answers for almost every question. She doesn’t need to doubt God’s love or Jesus’s existence like I did. She can know Jesus clearly and deeply from the beginning. She’ll still have to choose to follow Him for herself, but she will have a solid foundation. If you want your children to have a real faith that will withstand the challenges of life and atheist objections, you need to have these kinds of conversations with your kids about Jesus. And you might be surprised at how much they will inform and bolster your faith as well.

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How to Have a Christ-Centered Valentine’s Day

What if we focused on having a Christ-centered Valentine’s Day this year? How could that change not only our holiday, but our relationships? What’s wrong with Valentine’s Day now? Maybe nothing, but it depends on your heart. I spent too many years centered on the wrong things on Valentine’s Day. I got caught up in the commercialization of this Hallmark holiday, measuring the health of my relationship too often by the size of the celebration. It took my coming home to Christ to start to see love differently and wanting to celebrate Valentine’s Day differently. Focusing on me created a self-centered heart. I focused too much on my being appreciated, loved, wooed. Imagining grand romantic gestures built expectations that bred disappointment. “All about me”ism leaves us emptier than when it found us. But Christ never does. Which is why we should center a romantic holiday on Christ. Only Christ’s love leaves us more than we were without it. And when we learn what real love looks like, we are changed. The way we love others and expect to be loved changes. So how do you have a Christ-centered Valentine’s Day? Start by thinking about what Christ’s love looked like. He didn’t bring people flowers and candy. There were no camel-drawn carriage rides. Christ washed the feet of those He loved. He served, fed, taught, and ministered to those in need. And His grandest gesture of love was to die for us, for me, for you. When I consider that as my definition of love, my perspective really shifts. First, I KNOW how much I am loved by the Almighty Creator of the Universe. He is my portion. I don’t need external validation when I know who I am in Christ. Holidays and anniversaries don’t have to be a picture perfect expression of our romance anymore. Instead of expecting gifts to demonstrate how much my husband loves and values me, I look for how he loves me daily. My husband speaks love through his acts of service. He works extremely hard to provide for our family and also to care for me personally. While I’ve been physically recovering from surgery, he shoos me out of the kitchen so he can make dinner, wash the dishes, or finish a science lesson with our girl. It’s okay to do something special together for Valentine’s Day, but don’t let a day define you or your relationship. Love is a heart attitude of commitment, not a fleeting gesture. Appreciate his everyday gestures more than once a year gifts. Secondly, seek to love like Christ. Instead of seeking to be served, find ways to serve. Step outside of yourself and find the ways to serve your family. As a mom, serving our family can seem like it’s all we do, but I challenge you to look for little ways to serve in love. I like to anticipate what my husband needs and take care of it before he asks, do his laundry before it’s overflowing, put his favorite candy on the shopping list. These little acts of love can reflect Christ’s selflessness for our family. Additionally, service can help heal resentment and bitterness in marriage. If you really want to love like Christ, try reading 1 Corinthians 13 and replace LOVE with your name as you read it aloud. Jennifer is patient and kind. Jennifer is not arrogant, or irritable, or resentful, etc. Talk about convicting! 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; love is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends The way we love our family should reflect Christ’s love and demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit within us. Show your children what Christ’s love means for Valentine’s Day. Don’t create unrealistic expectations in their hearts about romantic relationships. Teach them to look to Christ for their identity and love first. Focus on Christ’s love in all your relationships. Reach out to friends who might be alone or lonely. Living in a military community, we have many spouses who are oceans apart on Valentine’s Day. Share a meal. Simply not being alone can make a difference for someone lonely on Valentine’s Day. Send a card to someone who needs to hear I love you. Plan a special meal for the senior singles at church. Senior citizens can be the forgotten demographic in our church outreaches and may feel especially left out or left behind on holidays that celebrate family and relationships if their spouses have passed and children do not live close. If you have friends or neighbors who live far from family, offer to babysit so they can have some alone time. Be willing to celebrate differently or later so that you can care for others. Putting others first is the best way to have a Christ-centered Valentine’s Day. How to have a Christ-centered Valentine’s Day: Eliminate expectations Seek to love like Christ Serve Others Consider yourself last Centering my heart on this list instead of the list of the top ten perfect Valentine’s Day gifts, will change my marriage, family, friendships, and community. Loving others like Christ is the best way we all can live everyday.

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How to be Right in a World Content Being Wrong

Knowing how to be right in a world content to be wrong is not a skill I’ve mastered. I’m working on it, but it does not come naturally, at all. I’ve always been the kind of person who has next-level skills of thinking I’m right, sometimes even when I’m not. GASP. Becoming Christlike means I have to actively unlearn almost every single character trait, but especially my all too human instinct to believe I’m right. However as Christians, our worldview is right: God is real. The Bible is His divine word. Jesus is the Messiah. But there is a wrong way to be right. Being right the wrong way can destroy relationships and our Christian’s witness. In fact, a negative attitude or dismissive tone can push people away and ruin any chance they will ever talk to a Christian again. Learning how to be right takes grace and confidence and wisdom. Which is why I am so glad I read Talk the Walk by Steve Brown As Christians, we are often encouraged to walk the talk and put our lives where our mouths are. But Steve Brown turns that expression on its head and challenges us to Talk the Walk, sharing his insights on how we can talk about Christianity in a way that opens hearts and minds to our faith. His subtitle, How to be Right Without Being Insufferable, is humorous and poignant, as is his book. As Christians, we can know with confidence that our worldview is truth. However, we live in a post-truth culture. Many people claim that there is no objective truth, only personal truths. And learning how to share THE truth with those who need to hear it is more important than ever, even as it grows more difficult. In Talk the Walk, Brown addresses our heart issues first. We should grieve for those who are lost. Too often, Christians see non-Christians as the enemy when they are simply victims of our true Enemy. Ephesians 6:12 ESV For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. We forget that we wage war against enemies that are not flesh and blood. Steve Brown rightly teaches that we need to do better at coming from a place of love and compassion before we can hope to speak truth into the lives of others. Luke 6:27 ESV “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you We can’t share the gospel message if no one will listen. Man, have I been guilty of forgetting that. Knowing all the facts doesn’t mean I know how to be right. Knowing how to be right is important whether you’re a relatively new believer or have been in ministry for decades. In fact, the more enthusiastic I am for Christ, the more I need to remember the lessons of this book. It’s easy to get passionate and lose sight of the main goal, to open hearts and minds to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I especially appreciated Steve’s gift for writing. His voice is profoundly uplifting and inspiring while deeply convicting. His writing is a rare gift with equal parts eloquence and charming humility. He instructs and guides without being preachy, proof that he understands the delicate balance between knowing the truth and getting people to listen. Talk the Walk makes a great companion piece to Greg Koukl’s Tactics, which is an excellent book on how to start faith conversations with people and do so in a way that helps people examine their own viewpoints and consider Christianity more clearly. Being a good Christian doesn’t always mean we’re all called to argue people into the kingdom. Yet, we all should stand up for truth in a way that respects people, even when we disagree with their ideas because in the end, we’re ambassadors for Christ whether good or bad. The truth will offend; we don’t need to. But now, any speech that offends is seen as violent and intolerant, even if it’s demonstrably true, because our culture has allowed our feelings to become the indicators of truth instead of the truth informing our feelings. So sharing our faith takes skills that don’t come naturally. It takes peace and humility in the face of hurt and anger. A lot of wounded people need our love and care before they can be open to hearing about Jesus. Though, mindfully sharing the truth doesn’t mean diluting it. We need to share that truth without watering it down, but also shouldn’t try to share it via fire hose. No one can drink of even the Living Water from a fire hose. Brown suggests that how and when (or even IF) we share the truth in this climate requires deep spiritual discernment, as does knowing how much to share. One of the biggest risks as Christians is that knowing the truth can also make us arrogant and mean. We start placing divisions and setting requirements that Christ never did. We end up fighting with other believers instead of working diligently to reach the unreached. Secondary spiritual issues need to take lesser priority to sharing the Gospel message. Steve Brown’s book has been really important for me as a woman who is sometimes too passionate and too political. It reminds me to let Jesus continue to work on my heart, so I can more effectively share who He is. We need to let Jesus change us before we seek to change the world. If you want to change the world, reach people for Jesus, you have to learn how to be right. And when to leave people in God’s hands. We know that God loves each person in our lives infinitely more than we do. He will not let them go if there is any hope for them to be saved. Sometimes, we have to do our best to live our values, love people, pray for them, and let God work. Even Jesus did not speak plainly when people with hard hearts and closed minds were listening. He refused to perform miracles around those with no faith. In Luke 9, He told his disciples if people would not receive them to shake the dust from their feet and leave. Even when we can’t always find the right words to share our faith, we can always learn to love people better. And that is how to be right in a world content to be wrong.

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Why Follow a Bible Reading Plan in the New Year

Why follow a Bible reading plan this new year? Because it’s the one resolution with eternal benefits. Every where I look, I see recommendations for New Years Resolutions. Eat healthier. Set boundaries. Say No. Say Yes. Practice self-care. Exercise more. Tidy up. Relax your standards. Be a stricter parent. Be a peaceful parent. Live your best life now! These worldly, often contradictory, messages scream at me that I’m not doing enough, that I’m not enough. And that if I would just try this ONE thing, my life would be all that I hope for. But that’s a lie. Because following the world’s suggestions to attain the world’s standards will always leave us empty and not enough. No matter how many of these goals we achieve, we are swimming upstream against the chaos of real life. We will never be able to get to “perfect.” And we’re left empty and alone, without hope or purpose. Our western culture has more wealth and autonomy and leisure time than any other culture in history, but none of it has made us any happier. Suicide rates are rapidly increasing while the average age of suicide attempts drops. We have children in single digits facing suicidal ideation and depression at alarming rates. If living our best life now worked, our culture would be on track to become a sci-fi utopia, but we’re not. We’re more angry, fearful, anxious, and depressed. Because our standards for our lives fall short, every time. Doing more, doing better is a rat race we can’t win. Only one resolution has the power to affect every area of our lives, giving life and hope in exchange for anxiety and desperation, reading the Bible. Romans 15:4 ESV For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Encouragement, hope, endurance, instruction. These are just a few of the promises we can claim when we choose to read God’s word. Whether you’re a life-long Christian who has spent much time in the Bible or an atheist who is curious about what is in its pages, nothing has the power to transform your life as much as the Bible can. But even among Christians, very few of us actually read it. According to Lifeway Research, approximately 20% of Christians have ever read the entire Bible, with only 9% having read it more than once. With such shocking statistics, it’s no wonder that fewer and fewer people are choosing to follow any faith at all. If those of us who believe the Bible is the word of God, His holy message about who He is and His plan for this world, don’t bother to truly read it, why would anyone else? Carefully building a faith that endures has to begin with reading the Bible daily and in its entirety. Faith comes from hearing the word of Christ. Romans 10:17 ESV So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ. As an immature Christian, I spent years reading devotionals, verse of the day calendars, flitting around the Bible. I would read a few familiar books or do the “random flipping to a page” method. I knew that wasn’t the most theologically sound methodology, but God always lead me to a verse or passage that really seemed chosen just for the day or situation I was facing! Clearly that was good enough… But read the WHOLE Bible!?! I mean, who does that? Scholars, theologians, experts . . . Not normal people, right? Somewhere in my subconscious, I had adopted the belief that the Bible was too hard to understand for it to be worth reading all of it. Surely, I could just trust what the experts said it all meant. Did I really need to read Habakkuk or Zephaniah to be a good Christian? But God began to reveal to me that being “good enough” wasn’t a Christian attitude at all. The rich man who came to Jesus claiming he had kept all the commandments, asked “what more can I do?” When Jesus said for him to give away everything and follow Him, he turned away dejected. Following the rules wasn’t enough. He had to be willing to give up everything. We have to be willing to give up everything. We have to be willing to give up our ideas about our priorities, our time, and maybe even Christianity to pursue Jesus with an unquenchable desire. (Scroll down to see how I make this fit into a busy mom life.) It wasn’t until God pressed onto my heart that I could never grow into the mission He had for me until I knew His word that I started purposefully reading the entire Bible. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. Five things you’ll gain by reading the entire Bible: A stronger faith – Reading the whole scripture clarifies the character of God, which makes it easier to love and trust Him when life is hard. A sense of awe and wonder at the nature of the universe and your place in it. As you see God’s plan for the world and our salvation unfold through around 40 authors over approximately 1500 years, God’s transcendent wisdom will transform your heart and mind. A better understanding of the Bible – by seeing the larger picture as the story of Jesus from start to finish, we can be better purveyors of the Gospel message. Answers to many of your deeper theological questions. I’m consistently amazed at how the Holy Spirit reveals answers and understanding when I read the Bible. A better earthly life. Knowing God’s standards, rules, wisdom, peace, grace, etc. will transform your eternity, but will also absolutely transform your life now. But why should we start the year with a Bible reading plan? The New Year is a good time to start fresh, to start new. Mentally, we like to begin new things at the start of a new week, month, year. Starting fresh renews our sense of purpose and determination. But the most important part is making a plan. “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” ― Benjamin Franklin Having a reading plan will help you stay on track and read in an organized manner over the course of the year. Each year I choose a different read the Bible in a year plan on the YouVersion Bible App. I like using the app for my daily reading plan for the ability to set a reminders, take notes, highlight passages, create verse images, and more. Each plan has a calendar with exactly what to read each day. Bless my little list-maker heart, I like being able to check the boxes. Lastly, the YouVersion app has an audio feature for most of the main translations (I recommend ESV or NASB). While it reads, the text automatically scrolls along, so I can read while I listen. Putting on my make-up, doing dishes, folding laundry, or even running errands are great times to do my daily reading. I can even toggle between versions if I want to compare translations. And it offers ways to catch up if you find yourself behind, so you don’t have to be pressured to finish in just one year if you decide to take your time through Psalms or visit Daniel for awhile. How to choose a plan . . . Search in the app or a search engine for a ‘Bible in a year’ plan. This year I’ve decided to read the Bible chronologically because I wanted to experience the Bible in the order it happened, not just the order in which we’ve arranged it. There are several chronological plans. I chose the one from Wycliffe NZ. It’s actually 12 month long plans. I chose this one because it has added devotional content to deepen my understanding of the Biblical and historical context of the reading each day. I have a historical study Bible that I plan to use alongside the app as well. Would you read the Bible Plan, Reading The Bible In Historical Sequence Part 1, with me? https://bible.com/p/21219215/6d10b569... I pray you’re encouraged and inspired to join me in reading through the Bible in the coming year. It’s a resolution I’ve never regretted making each January.

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Have a Fresh Start this New Year

Do you want a fresh start this new year? Whether it’s a new school year, new year of life or marriage, or January 1, we all love a crisp, fresh start. For me, nothing stirs up nostalgia more than remembering the cool fall mornings in Illinois, walking to school with new notebooks and sharp pencils, smelling the briskness of winter’s promises whispering to me on the early morning breeze while summer’s heat lingered. Those blank notebooks, new shoes, freshly sharpened pencils, organized folders and planners symbolized hope. Likewise, January 1 always signifies a fresh chance to be new. Most of start each year hoping to be better in some area of our lives. I know I do. But somehow despite my determination, I always find myself in a lot of familiar places despite my determination to have a fresh start each new year. Because the kind of year I have is not entirely up to me. Life happens. We live in a fallen world with illness and sin. The choices of others affect us. God has plans for us and our lives that are often outside of our control. Having a fresh start can’t mean expecting all good things for the future. It can’t be a prosperity gospel message. Messages like that leave us disappointed and discouraged. God never promised us an easy life. He promised help to live it. Halfway through this year, I dislocated my hip, twice. I had urgent surgery to repair it, but found terrible damage to my hip abductor muscles; my recovery was going to be 12 weeks of nearly bedrest. While I have tried to face this with peace and grace, this is not how I saw 2019 going. I definitely had times I wanted to pitch a fit. Why was I going through this AGAIN!?! My life is forever changed. I will never ski or roller skate or ride a horse ever again. I’m still grappling with the ways this has limited me. I won’t be able to control how the rest of my life goes. My body may get stronger than it is now, but it will never be 25 years old again. I will never be the athletic and active mom I imagined I would be. Only so much is under my control. But the last 12 weeks have really opened my eyes. And I can choose to be bitter or blessed. Proverbs 17:22 ESV “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” My fresh start this new year isn’t about resolutions, it’s about attitude. “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.” – Charles Swindoll The last six years of my life have been full of difficult surgeries and excruciating hip dislocations with long recoveries. I couldn’t control any of it. But I could choose my attitude in it all. I could seek to be filled with joy and love while trusting God even when I could not see the good in those moments. I pray I was an example of Christ’s love as much as possible even in the most painful and emotional moments. As Christians, how we react to the hardest things speaks to the trust we have in our Lord. We are supposed to believe that God is sovereign and that nothing in our lives is wasted. I want to spend the coming year focusing on my attitude. I know God has worked on my heart immensely, and I’ve grown tremendously through the trials of this year. Ephesians 4:23 ESV “And to be renewed in the spirit of your minds,” Having an attitude that trusts God, stays peaceful, radiates light and joy is the way I want to walk through this new year. It’s not easy when I can barely hobble around my house, but I’ve seen AGAIN how God used this recovery to help me focus on being still as a mom. I have seen my daughter blossom in our staying home. We’ve built a better relationship when we didn’t have to be rushed. We are closer than ever. I know we can’t stay home forever, but God interrupted my life for a purpose, and I’ve become a better mother in it. Doing too much, I was inviting too much chaos into my heart and mind with stretching myself too thin. Even good things aren’t always God thing for us. I had to learn, again, to be quiet and just focus on the next right thing for each day, even if that was just teaching division with patience and learning to let people help me. I’m excited to start being able to put weight on my leg and walking again. But I’m not in any rush to go back to trying to do so much (even too much for ministry) that I miss WHO God wants me to be. I want to spend this coming year diving deeply into God’s word. I want to continue to cultivate an attitude of grace, peace, and gentleness towards others, especially my family. Galatians 5:22-23 ESV “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” We are to expect trials and struggles and face them with joy, because the testing of our faith produces endurance. My fresh start this new year is to have a serene attitude as much as possible, continuing to learn to trust God more deeply in the days to come. Because the only thing I know for certain about the future is that it will have difficult moments. I will have hard days. We will face challenging circumstances. Cultivating an attitude of joy and peace progressively each day is the only way to prepare for the times I will most need it. My fresh start this new year won’t be a simple resolution, but will change the lives of all around me if I have a new attitude.

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Can You Really Know God’s Will for Your Life?

We all want to know God’s will for our lives. Everyday we are faced with decisions, some small like what to make for breakfast, and some more important like what job to take, where to live, how to respect our spouse. I desperately want to live a life pleasing to the Lord. When facing a big decision, I want to seek God’s way above my own. But I don’t always know what that looks like. Choosing to follow God’s will is an act of submission, a step of obedience, but can we really know God’s will for our lives? First, what does it mean to “know God’s will”? At some point, most of us have looked to God and asked Him for some clue about what He wants for us. I’ve prayed desperately for God to give me a hint about which direction to follow, which path to choose. Why can’t God just give me a little hint??? I know I’ve been guilty of thinking that God has a carefully mapped out plan for my life that I need to discover and follow it. If you’ve ever prayed for a sign which direction you should go in your life, you’re not alone. We all want to know which way on our path is God’s will. But that isn’t how God really works. God is omniscient. He knows everything that has happened, everything that is happening, what will happen, and every variant of what could happen. But God doesn’t control us. He gave us a beautiful free will to freely choose to love Him. He knows every choice we will make, the consequences of those choices, and how those choices affect the choices of the people we encounter in our lives. Occasionally, He chooses to providentially intervene on our behalf. But we cannot know how often that really happens. Did God really make all the lights green when I was late to church last week? Did He quiet the storm set to drop hail on my two day old roof? Maybe, maybe not. I certainly was praying for my roof! It’s hard to know how much He supernaturally intervenes, but He knows every step we will take and how it will affect us. And He knows how everyone around us will act, too. He is a master weaver of stories and lives. Yet, we’re not trying to discover some mystical, magical plan God has for us. Especially, not if we expect it to look like a life of comfort and ease. When God sent Ananias to Saul after his Damascus road experience, God made it clear that the path for his future would not be easy. Acts 9:15-16 ESV / But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” The entire New Testament is filled with assurances that life won’t be easy as a follower of Christ. But God does have a plan. So how does this all work? Ah, the mental gymnastics are hard to explain. God has a plan, but His plan incorporates all the choices we all freely make. We use the term providence to describe the ways that God uses human decisions and actions to accomplish His purposes. God sees the way millions of decisions can work together to reach His purpose. What if I make the wrong choice? You can’t mess up His plan.  As a former prodigal daughter, I’ve spent a lot of time crying over the years I lost being sinful. I wasted a lot of time not truly walking with God. I mourned those years fiercely, wondering what God could have done with my life had I fully surrendered sooner. But I didn’t mess up God’s plan for me. I’m not that powerful. In the depths of my grief over my sinful past, I was reminded that God’s plan for Moses involved being raised by Egyptians, killing someone, running away, and living in the desert for forty years. And THEN God used Moses to redeem Israel. And God’s plan for redeeming the world came about despite Israel’s disobedience. In fact, the way God led the Israelites out of Egypt with signs, wonders, and miracles paved a way for the world to see the mighty God who chose Israel as the nation through which the Messiah would come. So many stories in the Bible show how God took situations and used them for good when all hope seemed to be lost. So, we aren’t waiting to discover some secret mystical plan that God has for our lives at all. Knowing God’s will means knowing what God wills. We should be discovering who God is and striving to live as He would have us live according to His word. That is where we find ourselves in His will. Do I make pancakes or eggs for breakfast? Which is the healthier option? Which better meets your family’s needs? Or which makes the best use of your time? If God knows the hairs on your head, He knows and cares about these tiny decisions, and if you live with a heart focused on serving Him, you will make the best decisions you can. And God gave us Jesus and Grace for the times we chose poorly. The job that sounded perfect, but was a disaster might be how God redirected you to another position, or could be a reminder to enjoy the blessing it is to stay home with your children for awhile. He can even redeem the times we step outside His will in sin if we repent and surrender to Him. But how do you know God’s will? By spending time with Him. If you want to know God’s will for your life, spend time in His word daily. Don’t just read the Bible to check it off your list. But seek His face in every verse. What is this verse/passage about? Who is speaking? Notice the scriptural and historical context of the verse/passage. What can I learn about the character of God from this verse/passage? How can I apply this scripture to my life? The more time you spend with Him in prayer and in the Bible, the more you will reflect His character, and the more you will know God’s will, because the Holy Spirit will give you wisdom and discernment. 2 Corinthians 3:18  ESV / And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. Walking in His will isn’t magical. It takes time to build a deep relationship with the Lord that guides your every step, even imperfectly. But I will tell you that living in His will, the more I come to understand it, and love it, is the most wonderful way to live. I can walk confidently knowing that I better understand God’s character and truly seek to love and to please Him with my life.

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Helping Your Kids When Military Life Hurts

Sometimes, military life hurts. I’ve cried a lion’s share of tears waving at white buses carrying my soldier away or moving away from treasured friends. But today, it wasn’t my heart that hurt. Thankfully, our family is past most of the ways military life hurts. We’ve faced and survived our last deployment. We’ve posed for pictures at his retirement ceremony. For all intents and purposes, we’re civilians now. Except, we didn’t leave our military community. And it’s PCS season. For my non-military readers, PCS stands for permanent change of station. It isn’t really permanent, but means for the length of your orders you will be stationed at one base. PCS season is usually May-September and involves huge turnover in military communities. We’ve all seen those cute puppy memes that say, “I don’t want to adult today.” Today, I just held her as we both cried. Inside I was yelling, “I don’t want to Army today!” While children are resilient, I’ve watched her go through a few rough PCS seasons, truly understanding what it means to lose her friends. Sometimes military life hurts. Since we’ve been married, we’ve been ‘permanently’ stationed at Fort Campbell, KY; Fort Hood, TX; and Fort Benning, GA. And we finished our active duty military life at Benning. Which means, we’ve become the family that doesn’t move while many of our friends will eventually. We cry and ache and pray for new friends for them and for us. So, we’ve faced this PCS beast before. But it doesn’t get easier. Now that my daughter is nine, she has faced letting go of many friends over the years. And she knows how permanent a PCS is and that being pen-pals is a sorry substitute for afternoon chats over sidewalk chalk on the driveway. This summer on vacation, we happily connected with some dear friends who PCS’d three years ago. We felt like no time had passed, but were also more acutely aware of how much we miss those precious ladies. Then, she said goodbye to a friend who has been very special to her this year. This is her first goodbye of a friend that was just hers, not the child of a family friend or neighbor. We’ve known this day was coming for months, but nothing makes it real until it is. First thing that Saturday, her friend stopped by before the moving van pulled away. There were hugs and pictures and promises to write. They held each other and tried to smile through barely controlled tears. After the last good-bye, my daughter walked back into the house. I said her name, and it all fell apart. She rushed into my arms. Tears poured down her cheeks. The reality is grim for a nine year old girl. She will likely never see this friend again. Sometimes, military life can be cyclical and people come back. And like last week, sometimes we are blessed enough to reconnect with special people, but most often, they just leave footprints on our hearts. For the first time, she is hurting alone. Usually, I’m crying with her as my friend drives away too. Last year, we were all a hot mess as a family we all loved drove away. But now, it’s just her ache. And I’m trying to help her navigate it. How to help your kids when military life hurts First, validate their feelings. I treated her like a friend. Without trying to rationalize or reason away the pain, I just held her and sat with her in it. She needed my presence more than anything I could say. Just be present. Resist the urge to try to rush through the painful parts. Learning to sit in the grief when life hurts takes perseverance. Help your children build this skill in little ways now. We don’t have to run from the pain. It’s okay to hurt. Hurting means someone mattered to you. Secondly, let her talk. Listening to what she is thinking and feeling allows her to process her feelings. I can also hear where her heart is. She may already know all the right answers or she may need some emotional guidance. Sometimes, listening is the only thing we can offer someone who is hurting. Not every child will process out loud, but if you have an external processor like mine, she will talk herself through her feelings. Processing her emotions verbally will help her more than advice. It’s hard, but wait to offer solutions. Third, pray together. We can’t fix it. We can’t undo it or magically take away the pain. But we can demonstrate for our children how to take those hurts to the Lord and put them in His hands. Today, I led the prayer for her. We prayed for a safe trip for her friend, to keep in touch, and for God to provide a new home with a great school and new friends for both of the girls. Make sure to pray specifically for the hurt and sadness and fears that accompany whatever aspect of military life your child is facing. And if you don’t have all the answers, it’s okay to say that out loud to God. “Dear Lord, I don’t know why this had to happen today. My heart is heavy. Please comfort us and help us trust your timing for our lives and the lives of those we love.” Next, make a plan to do something. When you can’t do anything to change the situation, it’s easy to feel helpless. But having a plan of something to do right now can make a big difference. If your child is facing the deployment of a parent, plan a Hershey’s kisses countdown until they return. Go to the post office and get shipping boxes for care packages. Draw a picture or write a letter immediately. Writing allows us to experience our emotions and process them in a safe way that helps lessen the hurt. We planned ahead of time to use a messaging app (Marco Polo) from my phone to her mother’s phone so the girls can send short video messages to each other and stay in touch. Do something fun. Don’t rush the grief, but don’t lay down and wallow in it either. Watch a favorite movie. Listen to a song. Go for a drive. Cook a meal together. Plan a picnic. It’s important to remember all of the good things God has given us especially when we’re in the midst of sorrow. Remember that the same Army that took that person away, brought them into your life in the first place, and will bring new friends each season as well! Lastly, keep pointing back to God. Nothing happens beyond His reach. He is waiting for her friend in their new home. He is waiting for my daughter right here. Life is going to have many hard times. I need to keep pointing her back to God when she faces hurts. The world has plenty of “solutions” waiting for us, but none of those are more than temporary patches for our pain. Only Jesus gives real hope. And in Him, we know we will see our friends again. I can’t erase her pain when military life hurts, but I can show her how to trust God with her heart. As she grows, the hurts and disappointments will too. She needs to have practiced going to the Cross and inviting God to walk with her through her valleys. This is part of discipling our children. In Philippians, Paul showed us how to seek God’s comfort in sorrow. And that is the kind of example I hope to be for my daughter. When military life hurts, we need to teach our kids to turn to the one who’s really in control of it all.

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Be Your Best Birthday Gift This Year

Do you want to know what my best birthday gift was this year? It was ME! Let me explain. I love my birthday. Getting one day that is all about me is my jam. But God has really spent the last few years convicting me of how selfish this attitude can be. Can you imagine Peter or Paul expecting a birthday gift or celebrations? Don’t get me wrong, I still avoided most of the housework, stayed in my pajamas a long time, relished a quiet workout in the pool, and enjoyed some fun experiences with friends and family. But I tried my best not to let my desire to enjoy my day ruin my day or my marriage. I learned a few years ago to manage expectations. Having expectations sets us up for disappointment. Enjoy the day for what it is. Setting up one day as the measure of how much people love or appreciate you is a recipe for disaster. But more than that, some circumstances surrounding my birthday have made me more aware that each year of my life is God’s gift to me, and I get to choose if I am a gift to those in my life. My being here is not an accident, God’s provision for my existence is pretty clear in the crazy story of my birth. My birthday always reminds me that God created me with a purpose, and I’m intentionally seeking to fulfill that purpose. I want to be a blessing to those God has placed in my life. One way is to look for ways my husband loves me well within his talents and abilities, instead of wishing for him to love me differently. For example, my husband HATES buying gifts with a passion. I can only hypothesize as to why, but I believe a large portion of his feelings are due to not wanting to disappoint anyone. Instead of letting this pressure to buy me a gift stress him out, I asked him if I could buy the one thing I really wanted. As excited as I was about my purchase, when my birthday rolled around, I had no presents to open. Because I’ve always loved surprises and presents, truly being okay without any on my birthday is a gift from God. He has so thoroughly changed my attitude about what I should and should not expect from life. What does God want for me on my birthday? When I look at the entirety of His word, I see that God wants us, in humility, to recognize our place in His world and rejoice in it. We are but a breath sustained by God’s will. Job 33:4 NASB  “The Spirit of God has made me, And the breath of the Almighty gives me life. I need to be grateful for every day of life I have. I can’t add a single hour by worrying about it, but I can ruin the hours I have. Choosing to be present and intentionally seeking God can make the hours I have more precious. Being the best birthday gift this year meant ditching the expectations and refocusing my priorities. Many of Jesus’s teachings flipped the common expectations of the time period upside down. He taught the first shall be last, the meek will inherit the earth. His teachings were radical, which made me consider how flipping my expectations could demonstrate a love for Christ. I thought about my life in context of being a blessing to those around me instead of expecting others to bless me. How does being the best birthday gift work in practical terms? First, be a better wife. I asked my husband to answer one question for me on my birthday, “How can I be a better gift to you this year?” My question so surprised him he didn’t have an answer for me. So, I told him that my goal was to be a better wife to him this year, and that I was open to seeking more ways to to love him and support him. And I actively started looking for ways to serve him better or have a better attitude about it when I am serving him. Nothing says I love you like grumbling over folding laundry or washing dishes, right? While God has grown in me a heart that seeks to serve more often, I still sometimes struggle inside my heart and head with serving as joyfully as I could. So, I am seeking a softened heart towards my husband, a heart that seeks to respect him and honor him in our marriage. Secondly, I looked for ways to be a better friend to the people in my life. I can’t expect friends to show up for my life in ways that I do not show up in theirs. I’ve been much more intentional about staying in touch with long distance friends, which in this military life, is most of them. I am loving the Marco Polo app which allows me to send short video messages to a friend who then watches it and responds at her convenience. It’s seriously my new favorite app. I use it to keep in touch with young wives I mentor, friends, and family. I’ve even thought about using it to keep in touch with my husband throughout the day because he works nights now and we rarely see him. I’m being more intentional about checking in on people, praying for them, asking about the issues I know they had going on last time we talked, and listening with my whole brain. The truth about multi-tasking is you really can’t listen well to someone and do much else. You have to actively listen to someone to truly be present in the conversation, to give good advice, to offer true sympathy. Lastly, what areas of my spiritual walk need some work? Am I doing enough for God’s kingdom? I don’t need to be any more busy, but there is being about my Father’s work, and just being busy. The difference is knowing what are the real priorities He has for me today or this year and making those the priorities, no matter what my human nature might desire. I would love to finish one of the books I’m writing. I would love to see this blog be more successful. But I really want to be the mama my daughter needs as we struggle to figure out what makes her tick educationally and raise her to be a mighty woman of God. Of all the roles in my life, this is the most crucial. The internet is full of wise women of God who can direct a Bible study or speak to huge crowds. Those things may not be God’s calling on my life right now. And I don’t have to be those things to change the world one person at a time. And I’m starting with the little girl in front of me, the husband (rarely) sleeping next to me, the friend texting me. Because the best birthday gift I got this year is another year to keep walking with Jesus. I love seeing how He is growing me.

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Do you Dare to Really Know Jesus?

If you would consider to dare to know Jesus, I invite you to give Him some serious thought today. Whether you’re a Christian or not, you probably claim to know Jesus, at least in broad strokes. In fact, worldwide, no one person has influenced history more than Jesus. The way we even measure history has been using His birth since A.D. 532. While using Before Christ has become less politically correct, the era still changes approximately at His birth. But which Jesus do you know? There is only one historical Jesus in reality, but how He is painted, described, even taught can vary wildly. And sadly, not even every person who describes herself as a Christian even knows the real Jesus. We live in a culture of busy. We don’t have the time to research everything that comes across our screens, so we take for granted (too often) that we can trust the source has done careful, objective research from objective, intelligent sources. But it’s hard to be objective about Jesus. He turns everything upside down and asks you to see things His way. His way is generally not the natural way we want to see things. So, meeting Jesus is something we each need to do personally. No matter where you are, I would love to invite you to get to take a few minutes thinking about this Jesus fellow in a new way, as a historical person who really lived, was really crucified. Maybe you’ve heard that Jesus never really existed. This is called the Jesus Myth.  But a significant majority of experts in ancient history, both atheists and believers, believe Jesus lived and died. We have quite a bit of scholarly evidence to attest to both. And his body was never found by some people who really, really wanted Him to be dead and to stay that way. That His disciples (who didn’t know his body was missing) could have managed to get past armed guards and roll the stone away without being killed seems highly unlikely. And the way their lives radically changed following the Resurrection certainly lends credence to their stories of seeing the risen Jesus. Jesus claimed to be God. John 10:30 ESV I and the Father are one.” While some of those claims are subtle, His audience would have understood what he was saying. John 8:58 ESV Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.” Which is a reference to a passage in Exodus. Exodus 3:14 ESV God said to Moses, “I am who I am.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I am has sent me to you.’” Jesus claimed to be the only way to the Father. John 14:6 ESV Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. A pretty audacious claim. As Josh McDowell challenged, He was either a Liar, a Lunatic, or Lord. Jay Payleitner in the Jesus Dare asks us to consider He was who he said He is. And let that transform us. If you’ve never considered Jesus, The Jesus Dare is a great place to start as is the Gospel of John. John is beautifully written and contains a very clear picture of the true nature of Jesus. If you’re not quite ready to dive into the Bible, The Jesus Dare was a good, quick read that clearly walks through who Jesus is and the core messages He preached. The book is designed to introduce seekers to the real Jesus, step by step with a few apologetics concepts thrown in. Jay Payleitner writes with a sense of humor and a heart for people. He also manages to condense a lot of spiritual guidance and wisdom in a pretty brief text. In some ways, this makes an excellent Christianity 101 for new believers as well as those who are curious about Christ. Carry the Jesus Dare to offer to those who would dare to know Jesus! If you already know Jesus, I would recommend this book as one to carry in your purse or pocket to share with seeking people you encounter in daily life. It’s a great place to start for anyone curious about who Jesus is and what Christians believe. And if you’ve spent too much time listening to what other people say about Him, maybe it’s time to know Jesus for yourself. I had spent too much time just knowing the Sunday school answers. I even had a decent handle on mainstream theology. But it was no good knowing the book without knowing the author. Knowing Bible stories is not the same thing as surrendering my entire life to God and inviting Him into my life, heart, and mind to change me from the inside out. When you take the risk of really knowing Jesus, you risk never being the same again. And following Jesus is like taking the road less traveled, it will make all the difference. Are you curious? If you’ve never had a moment that everything went from black and white to color, the scales fell from your eyes, and you could see and know God’s love, you’re missing out on a great adventure. I no longer struggle to fill the gaping void in my soul. Confident in my identity in Christ, I live the truth of how He has transformed me everyday. Now, I have purpose and passion for people. Before I came to Christ, I was broken, angry, bitter, unable to love. I couldn’t give away what I didn’t have. But now I am loved, cherished, forgiven, accepted. And can love others with the love of Christ. Isn’t that worth daring to know Jesus?

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Ditching the “I’ll be a better mom, tomorrow” Mentality

Do you stress yourself out worrying about being a better mom? Are you constantly feeling like you’ll be a better mom tomorrow? Let’s ditch that mentality today. And focus on what God wants for us as mothers today. This is where it gets tricky. Because what God wants for us is this incredibly delicate balance between His grace and conviction. God loves us where we are, but loves us enough not to leave us there. So how do we walk that line between not beating ourselves up, but also wanting to do it better tomorrow? After an incredibly hard day of parenting, I’ve stood by her bed, tears pricking my eyes and promised myself, “I’ll be a better mom tomorrow.” And at that point, I couldn’t do anything else. She was already asleep. My chances to be the “mom I want to be” for that day were over. I couldn’t go back and be more gentle or patient. I couldn’t go back and laugh with her one more time. This spring, I had a rude awakening that her little girl days are almost over. She is going to be a young woman very soon. And I don’t want to spend any more time hoping to be a better mom.  I know I can only be so present; we homeschool and I’m with her all day long. And I can’t be all the things to her and my husband and my friends and take enough time to rest for myself and do housework and all the ands . . . But what about the days I chose to waste too much time scrolling through Facebook instead of reading to her? What about the tv shows that I decided were more important than listening to her fanciful stories, but can’t remember a single moment of? Although plenty of times, I’ve set aside my book or phone and hauled her onto my lap to cuddle and read. Today we spent breakfast time reading next to each other, which really meant her reading her fairy pony story to me because she was so excited about each character. This afternoon, we swam in the pool and had a late movie night. Today, I was present. But am I really present as much as I could be? Often, I’m not. I think one more minute and I’ll give her my attention, or I smile and nod but have no idea what she is saying. I’m in the room, but not really there. While her baby and toddler days felt like wading through jell-o wearing water wings, I focused on savoring every moment after waiting so long for our miracle. In these pre-tweener years, sometimes it’s harder to remember to be intentional. That is the danger of the “I’ll be a better mom tomorrow” mentality. Tomorrow means I’m missing an opportunity right now to be the mom I want to be. Psalm 90:12 ESV So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. We grow in wisdom when we recognize we have a limited number of days. As parents those days are even more limited. We get 18 years to build a foundation for their lives and faiths. Then they are off into the grand adventure God has for them. I wonder if I’m making the most of my days with her. I’m always trying to balance firm consistency with love, laughter, grace, discipline, hard work, fun, and learning. But I don’t always strike the right balance. Being a mom is just as much of an art, sport, and passion as ballet or soccer or running. No one gets to be a world class ballet dancer overnight. It takes years of falling, sore muscles, exhaustion, tears, and practice. But parenting is the game that changes the rules the second you like the way it is. You have to plan for tomorrow while living for today. I don’t write this to place one more ounce of mom guilt on anyone’s shoulders. Heaven knows, I don’t need one more thing on my overladen plate. But maybe you’re like me and truly ache to be a better mom. And could use some tips to make the most of these precious childhood days without making yourself crazy. We can’t do all the things. Nor can we focus only on our children every minute of the day, but we can better use the time we’re already parenting. Give them your full attention more often. Look them in the eyes and listen as often as possible. I promise you’ll never regret listening to terrible stories or awful jokes a year from now. And you may have to FIRMLY remind yourself of this fact. It’s ok to have to develop this discipline in yourself. I’m still working on this myself. When you can’t stop that second, but want to demonstrate that you will listen, say “I want to give you my best attention, but I can’t right now. Can you write down or draw what you want to tell me while you wait?” Then make sure to come back to listen as soon as you can. I promise the days of them wanting your attention are so fleeting. The more you listen now, the more likely they are to talk in the days to come. When it’s the third Minecraft story in ten minutes and you want to scream, change the topic slightly. Ask a different question that shows interest in your favorite subject, your kid! “What about that book or game makes you happy?” “Why do you like playing that game?” “What do you want me to know about you from this story?” It’s okay to pray for the energy to love your kids.  Does that sound crazy? Sometimes my daughter needs my energy and attention when I don’t feel like I have any to give. So, I pray for five more minutes of energy to tuck her in and say prayers or fix her dessert or demonstrate patience while she struggles her way through something. The other day, I found pink globs of something on her wall. She screamed at me that she didn’t know what it was. I pushed the issue and she fought back harder. She was being disrespectful in her tone and clearly lying. I could have escalated it. Instead I paused, hugged her, and said it’s okay, just tell me what it is. I know you’re afraid of getting into trouble, but arguing is making this worse than just telling me so I can clean it up. Be more patient. This is my biggest struggle. I always have too many things going on. I don’t have enough time to give. But that is my fault. “There are enough hours in every day to do all the will of God.” – William Lane Craig If I don’t have enough time, am I adding things into my life that aren’t necessary or important? Or do I have things out of balance? Even devoting too much time for mentoring and ministry can be out of balance. My primary mission field is this family. Learn to slow down. Roll with the punches. Enjoy their pace when you can. Being more patient changes the tone of my voice and the attitude of my heart. Often I find myself grumbling and muttering when life seems to be conspiring against me getting anything accomplished for the day. My daughter doesn’t miss those under the breath groans. I’ve seen how it shapes her behavior. And I’ve only got a short while to undo the damage my impatience has done. Unlearning my own bad habits is part of learning to be a better mom. And stop procrastinating the little things, because those will be the big things they remember. I don’t remember much of my birthdays or Christmases, but I remember how my mom read to me. I remember how she made us hot breakfast every morning and drove me to school when I could have walked. I remember the daily ways she was present much more than I remember the special occasions. It’s easy to mistakenly think those big things are the what matters when life gets away from us. You don’t have to do all the things. But the little moments matter more than we think. Being an older mom whose gone through a lot of health crises, I have a lot of handy and reasonable excuses for saying not today, not tonight, or just not being the mom I really want to be. “I’ll read to her tomorrow night.” “Next weekend, we’ll go strawberry picking.” “I’ll play ponies with her the next time she asks.” But I made excuses for my parenting as well. “I’ll be more patient tomorrow.” “Tomorrow, I’ll be more consistent.” “I’ll give her more attention when I feel better or am not so busy.” And I shouldn’t use those excuses so often. Because it can’t wait until tomorrow. The days feel long, but the years go quickly. I need to make the best use of the time God gave me to be her mom. Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. My child isn’t waiting for me to get it together for me to be a better mom before growing up. This is it. My kid has this mom today. That means letting go of guilt, while also letting God convict and sanctify me on this incredibly hard journey of motherhood. I need to make the most of who I am right now. Simple ideas to make the most of your time. Make chores fun. Turn on some fun music and work together. Pick an interesting topic for discussion and let your child talk while you dust, fold laundry, or clean the tub. Have a snack picnic. Lay a blanket on the ground or on the porch swing, and have a popsicle together. Read her a story or Bible passage while she eats breakfast or lunch. Run through the sprinkler together. Color together. Craft together. Never underestimate getting artistic and messy with your kids. Play volleyball with balloons or blow bubbles together in the driveway. Put together a puzzle as a family. Dance battle. Turn on your favorite oldies/80s/90s hits and be as silly as you can be. Discipline consistently so you don’t have to keep fighting the same battles over and over and can spend more time enjoying your children. Cook together. Let them choose the recipe. Develop good morning and good night routines that help them feel loved and cherished while getting ready for the day or bed. Play games together. Games are good for mental and emotional development and fun! In the middle of finishing this post today, my daughter urgently rushed into the room because she just HAD to show me her new favorite color. Two minutes later she hugged me and ran back to her room. She won’t remember that, but she will remember the little ways I showed her how important she is to me everyday. So, I’ll be a better mom tomorrow because I’m starting today. I won’t have any more of the mommy guilt because I made the most of these precious days. And I pray for God’s grace to cover what I could not.

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