Annabelle Lewis's Blog, page 3

30 Ways to Deal with the Pandemic! A Vexatious Flashback.

I wrote this blog about six months into the quarantine but never published it. Probably because I aspired to a high number of inspiring things to do but depressingly gave up when I couldn’t think of 30. Sad? Yeah. But such was the state of my reality and frame of mind. Reading the list now brings me back to how crazy and lonely life was. There’s a lesson in there somewhere! Not that I’m grateful for any of it, but we shouldn’t forget. I bow to the silver lining. And to the scientists. God bless you.

Everyone is trying to share the best of themselves and how they’re coping by staying active during the quarantine! But it’s driving most of stir-crazy. In fact, I find it harder to be focused and creative knowing that I can’t do anything that I could before. The emotional feeling of satisfaction I got from rewarding myself with a plate of nachos at the end of a long day has been taken away from me. Sure, I still eat the nachos, but I feel more guilty about now than I used to. Because quite a lot of the day, I’ve wasted time being distracted.

Bloggers love to put the enticing lures in their titles, hence the number 30 in this one and the call to action! I give you, my list. Things I do to distract me from the world blowing up.

Look out the window more than you normally do. Look! People walking their dogs! Oh my gosh. Oh good, they seem okay. Oh look, Melanie has lost a shit ton of weight. Wow. Maybe I should walk more. Kids on skateboards, kids on scooters, dads teaching their kids how to ride bikes, dogs, Dogs, DOGS!

Eat dark chocolate sea salt caramels from Costco every single time you glance at the jug in the pantry.

Use the hand-held vacuum and decide to tackle the corners all over the house but then get distracted and lay down to read some old Vanity Fairs. Erase the guilt you didn’t even know you had for not having read all the Proust questionnaires on the back page.

Shower every other day whether you want to or not.

Shop on Amazon for the perfect rug runner for that tricky, high-traffic spot in your house and discover that all the good ones are not the right size. This activity could eat up hours of your time.

Go through boxes of crap in the garage and discover that the weird ten-legged symbol you drew as a youth, along with an actual how-to legend is not worth any money. What? How can that be? Why did you draw that symbol a hundred times and package the drawings in an old cigarette case, Annabelle? What kind of kid dreams about publishing patterns drawn on paper while wearing a Hug a Husky button on their shirt? Keep the cigarette case . . . it’s cool. Also, stumble across a love letter from an old boyfriend and show it to George who sadly only scoffs at the naivety of the young lad who may have loved a different package. Tack love letter from high school paramour onto fridge and dare George to remove it. It’s a beautiful slice of payback every single time he opens the fridge.

Drink more than normal and comfort yourself with adorable YouTube videos of cute, thin moms making a game of it under the ruse of teaching fractions.

Not a waste of time, (sorry, I realize you may lose respect for me for lying to you and giving you something actually good to do, but STFU)! Watch Ken Burns’ American Lives (Amazon Prime). The brilliant, eye-opening, two-part, three-hour episode on Susan B. Anthony and Cady Stanton is best viewed between midnight and 4 am when you can’t reasonably do anything anyway. If you need to leave your bed and get some ice cream before part two plays, it’s okay. At that point, you are so full of wonderment and fucking pride for those women, it washes over your unclean body, and you hardly even notice that you haven’t contributed one trillionth of a percent of what these two courageous and remarkable women did. Go into a peaceful sleep afterward knowing heroes have roamed the planet.

Clean out makeup drawer. I knooowwww it’s hard to look at the alllll the makeup you bought that you only used a few times, but come on, just do it. Even if you stumble upon a practically unused set of beautiful fall eyeshadow colors from Lancôme’s 2015 line, toss it, girl. Later, you can eat ice cream in bed. Wait, which part is a waste of time?

Stone yet another empty liquor bottle from the craft stockpile purchased from Michaels. You never know what corner of the house needs a little extra tacky or cool light. Wait! Think of this! What if actual people come over and begin to admire your multi-colored stoned Ketle One bottles with twinkle lights inside. Will they like you better? I see girl hugs and undying devotion on the horizon!

Start a Twitter war with a complete stranger. Make it annoyingly polite, deferential, but biting. Have fun with it! (JK – folks – Gawd, I can’t believe I have to tell you I’m kidding! Stop annoying me or I’ll begin the war right here.)

Spend real cash money paying for more tokens to play pointless video games like Toy Blast and Toon Blast. Feel shame later.

Set up the garage with a hundred candles to celebrate Mother’s Day then tearfully social distance with your children. No reason the dirty garage can’t look like a creepy palace. And bonus . . .no messy mascara streaks from your tears will be seen because you gave up wearing makeup or pretending to care!

Floss. Even if the effort cuts into your chapped-from-overwashing fingers and makes them bleed. Hero points found here.

Purchase clothes from Chicos without a coupon. You may temporarily feel like an idiot for doing it, but damn, is there anything better than a new pair of jeans and a cute top?

Put on your new cute top. While feeling sassy, or drunk, purchase 15 sets of multi-colored stretchy bracelet sets from Zulily. Glow with the thought of being able to have just the right accessory for any color outfit you choose! And they really make the mask pop! Warning. They can get annoyingly wet when you wash your hands a hundred times a day. And angrily ripping them off while cursing a blue streak can lead to breakage.

Get the Tik Tok app and . . . I’m sorry. What day is it?

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7 Reasons to Give Up and Go Back to the Stone Age

Before you say, “Hey Annabelle, these are NOT real problems.”  I say, “Yeah, I get it. But shut up. Mama’s in a ranting mood.”

Apple TV

I had no intention of buying into another subscription service for streaming, we already have too many, but I was forced into purchasing a new iPhone and it came with a FREE one-year trial to Apple TV. So, I’m thinking, okay, let’s get it loaded and see what’s up. I could also (supposedly) share the subscription with several members of my family. (As of this writing, there has been no success on that front.)

 I knew The Morning Show was only (annoyingly) available on Apple TV, so that also incentivized me to download the app on my phone and get started.

Here’s the fun part. We can only watch one episode of The Morning Show per day and I have yet to discover how to watch previous episodes I missed. I’ve gone to the Google to seek help, but honestly, I’m freaking tired of all the learning curves! I’m freaking tired of the glitches and nonsense you have to go through to get something to work!

I tried to fix the issues, but after I certain point, I realized I was more vexed and irritated than happy about using the app trying to watch my very first show.

You’ve pissed me off, Apple TV. I will not be renewing when my free trial ends. Just because. Wait . . . You don’t have Turner Classic TV on your site for some weird reason, do you? Gawd, I refuse to investigate.

Comcast. Xfinity. Whatever. The Shameful Beat Goes on.

Hey Comcast, Xfinity, or whatever the heck you’re called today, I pay you a fortune every freaking month and have for years. Why did so many fun channels disappear? Why is your lineup so limited? Don’t tell me to upgrade and pay you more. I will not. I don’t know the name of the stupid plan I have—but it’s one of the premium ones.

I remember once I had to drive an unused cable box over to the Comcast store for return so I wouldn’t be charged for it every month. It was a dreary day, and lunch was waiting for me back at Manderley. And while I worried Mrs. Danvers would be cross, my darling Maxim had whispered such sweetings to me over breakfast that I felt my heart break free, and . . . Sorry—I flashed out for a minute. Trying to escape the real world.

Back to the story . . .

After waiting in line an indecent amount of time, almost saying screw it—I’d rather pay the $7/month forever than wait any longer, my number was called. But before they’d let me do the return, they insisted on going through an upsell spiel informing me that I could receive better and faster internet service if I got a different plan. My jaw dropped as I processed that and grew angry that Comcast had the ability to make my experience better—I’d just have to pay for it.

But hey, here’s the latest reason you again landed on a blog rant. After my father died, we had to cancel his services, credit cards, bank accounts, etcetera. Not a fun task during our terrible grief, but it had to be done. Upon calling Comcast/Xfinity to cancel, as part of their wrap-up and questions, they had the gall to ask me whether or not my poor dead dad had enjoyed his experience being an Xfinity customer. Are you kidding me with this? I hung up.

Also, see my previous blog… Comcast/Xfinity is in the Soul Sucking Business. Funny story there, I tried promoting that blog on Twitter, but they wouldn’t do it because of ‘inappropriate content’ or something. Read the blog to see if it has a dangerous or wildly inappropriate feel. Have you seen the crazy posts on Twitter? Hmmm, who owns who?

Wait—one more thing. Does anyone remember that scary actor who for a brief shining moment represented Comcast customer service in their commercials? They chose a dude who looks and sounds like he will kill you in his sleep. (No offense to the actor – I’d love to see you in something else). This guy was spouting on about the great customer service experience—which was laughable. Was this casting and the threatening aura of the ad a joke? Were the execs at Comcast laughing into the back of their hands when they approved it? Damn you again, Comcast. I can’t find the commercial. But I did find this YouTube of the same actor in an Apple Autos ad. Please contact me if you remember the commercial or can find it in internet land.

Candy Crush

If you’ve read my blog post – I’ve Got a Guilty Secret, Part 1 – then you’ll know I play games on my phone. I’ve tried a lot of games, but I’ve got three go-to’s: Toy Blast, Toon Blast, and Design Home.

I’d heard about Candy Crush for years but had never tried it. One day, probably when I found myself out of lives, cash, diamonds, and experiencing crushing anxiety that the world as we know it is going to end, I was trolling for something else to play and decided to pull the trigger on this popular game.

I understand there is a learning curve with these games, but Toy Blast and Toon Blast starts you slowly with immersive tutorials along the way so you can understand just what in the heck is going on. The arrogant little miss Candy Crush did not do this. But I ventured forward like a hero, playing the game and assuming there would be an intuitive juncture where I learned how to control it and win. That was true to an extent, but not really.

The text is super tiny. The crazy little girl character who pops up is like something from a fever dream with her spindly arms and Viking helmet. The prizes are not prizes, but only take you to the store so you can purchase more stuff with your hard-earned cash money.

You cannot control this game. For the most part, any strategy concept is not in place. What do the special items do? Why does my piggy bank with the bulging cheeks always say full, but when I try to use some of my “money” toward something, it says I don’t have money and links me to the store? I don’t want to do research for this app. There is a shame component for me if I do that!

And when I get to the inevitable crazy-making and eye-rolling-juncture with Candy Crush, I remind myself that the frustration with the experience is self-imposed. Apple TV is too. Comcast/Xfinity, I’m stuck with you, Bish. You’re so tightly bundled to our internet and home I’m afraid of dumping you. And I suppose that was intended. But someday . . .

Peacock – Free!

Yeah, I was excited about this new network and fell for the advertising. I went as far as setting up an account and downloading the app. But then I couldn’t figure it out, and finally realized that all the good content was not free, you gotta upgrade to the paid program. Bamboozled! You’re a wannabe Netflix and you conned me. I deleted the app. Nice try.

Spam Calls

We all get them. But has the frequency increased? I block the numbers as soon as they call, but it’s no deterrent. A super regular call I get is about the warranty on my car. “Hi, this is Katie. Your warranty is up. If you don’t pay us a million dollars your car will explode and you’ll die.”

The best calls come from the Social Security fraud scam. They start with threats that warrants have been issued for your arrest, blah blah blah. You know the drill. At any rate, whenever they call, I wait on the line for my big moment to be connected to a person. And then, well…. I say things to them— human to human— about where their soul may end up if they continue with their terrible deeds. I may use other words. It’s not a terribly satisfying moment for me, but if everyone did that, I wonder if the criminals would experience employment recruitment issues. I mean, who wants to go to work and be told they are going to hell for doing their job every day. (This may also be why Comcast went super automated and dialed back their live-human experience.)

Grammarly

It’s a site that checks spelling, grammar, and more. In my line of work, I really need a service like this. I used to have a subscription with another company where I paid $49/month, but they recently doubled their rates and I thought I’d try elsewhere. Grammarly is free—but they too have a premium package. Who the hell doesn’t? Maybe I should have one in my private life. “Yes, George, I could make lasagna for dinner, but that only comes with the premium package.”

The problem with the free subscription on Grammarly is that it holds back information. Misspelled words? Horrible, wonky sentences? They hint there are problems—but they won’t tell you what they are unless you pay them money!

Grammar ain’t free folks. How about this test. . . I tossed the following sentence through Grammarly.

Grammar cost monie. (Free Grammarly only flagged the word “monie” – no mention of any other issues! Thanks!)

Delta Airlines and Social Security

I’m lumping these folks together because I experienced similar problems with them. I needed a refund for an airline ticket for my father and couldn’t get it done (for various legitimate reasons) over the internet. Forced to the phone, the hold time was five hours. Yup! And it turned out I had to call three separate times.

I called Social Security seven times and was disconnected every single time during one, excruciatingly long six-hour period. The next day, I called again, was placed on a two-hour hold, and finally spoke with someone. Fun!

So the moral of the story is . . . you’re not alone folks. We’re all living in these times. Going off the grid never looked better.

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#LOVETHECIRCLE

ALERT! Over the last 48 hours, I cram watched the first season of The Circle on Netflix and have moved on to season two! I’m now tempted to end every sentence of this blog with an exclamation point because the damn show has made me feel my every utterance better be impactful, strategic, and important! But if they aren’t, follow them up with a list of emojis and hashtags to get your point across! #loveexclamationpoints (I’ll stop with the overuse now, but I wanna use those damn !!!)

Until I texted my daughter and she filled me in on the deets (that’s details to you, old people), I had not realized that season one had been out for about a year. I’m glad I didn’t find that out earlier and been made to wait for a year, because now . .  . I don’t have to stop watching!!.

Okay, the tea on season one. I think you’re getting that I love this show. You might think that watching a reality show about 6-8 people each living alone in the same building playing a social media game to see who can be the most popular would be sophomoric, stupid, and boring. Yes, Yes, and NO.

It’s far from boring, it’s addictive. Watching the first couple of episodes of season one, I did some narrowing of the eyes and making “yuk” faces a few times. I also cocked my head wondering what in the world these people were implying with the who-knew-an-emoji-was-so-important-and-cogent learning curve. I always thought actual words were pretty persuasive, but I was wrong. Of course I knew what an emoji was and have used them many times, but primarily just the smiles and hearts. Dig deeper people. I’m honestly intimidated to use them now because I’m not up to speed on the trending hidden urban slang. #tryingbutscared #dontjudgeme

Each apartment is filled with cameras and screens, but the contestants have no internet, phones, or television to amuse themselves with. So, they have to focus on the game and play it as the only outlet and focus of their lives. (Winner gets $100,000 – Netflix got off cheap). Voice activation screens connect them to the other players/competition, BUT, they don’t really know who each of the players is in real life. Da-da-daaaaa. #catfish. Yup, as weird as it sounds, #hilarious, some people go into the game and fake their identity. I know! Each day, someone is voted off by the gang, and replacements are added, until the screens announce in one of the oddly exciting ALERT announcements that ‘no more contestants will be added’. Then it’s just dog eat dog. #idonthaveyourbackanymorebish

Season one random observations about the players in no particular order: I love you, Joey! You took some time to get to know and at first seemed stereotypical Jersey, but you grew on me! Shubham . . . love you too, hugging you big time and your dad is the best. Your bromance with Joey was everything. Alana, ummmm. Ummmmm. Just no. And Chris, I sincerely hope some good-hearted dentist in Dallas comes through for your mom. #GOFUNDMEFORCHRIS

Hello Circle. Message . . .

So far, I’ve only watched the first episode of season two, but listen up. . . Chloe, if I ever meet you, I may have to stab you. You’re harshing my buzz and making me cringe! #STOPSCREAMINGANNOYINGBRIT

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Shows I’m Watching in the Middle of the Night

The Politician

HIT, HIT, HIT!

I absolutely loved both seasons of this smart, quick, well-written, terrifically cast show. I mean come on. . .Bette Midler alone as the right arm and political advisor of the wonderful Judith Light is worth the viewing. She can do absolutely no wrong and the two of them together are a joy to watch. Bette threatening to hit the road and walk from the campaign “like a Jewish Highlander,” had me hysterical.

Jessica Lange as an alcoholic smart-ass grandma, Ryan J. Haddad as a simpering wisenheimer, and comedienne Jackie Hoffman as a take-no-prisoners, crabby-as-hell receptionist cracked me up. Someone give that woman her own show!

I’ve watched both seasons three times now because it’s that smart and enjoyable. Just watch it.

Nate Bargatze. The Greatest Average American

Hilarious stand-up comic. Oddly, I’d never heard of him before, but I’m thrilled Netflix gave him a show. He’s clean and clever and made me smile. He reminded a bit of Jim Gaffigan in that he doesn’t resort to the gutter for a laugh, but is an observationist. (Not a word? Don’t care!)

Loved him!

The Midnight Sky

In preparation for the Oscars, I watched The Midnight Sky—a George Clooney flic. If you have any stress or depression issues, I cannot recommend it. A bit of the storyline was lost on me too, but I mostly regretted watching it in the middle of the night with no real chance for a long cocktail hour and post-trauma banter with smiling, happy humans who have a scintilla of hope left for the planet. Instead, I raged for no reason at my husband and cried with the dog.

Operation Varsity Blues. The College Admissions Scandal

Learned a bit more about how the scuzz-bucket ring-leader Rick Singer pulled off the great crime. The fact that after the scam was uncovered by the FBI, Rick didn’t blink or think twice about turning into the big rat who recorded his clients, was interesting. This man committed crimes and lied to everyone and at the end of the day, has yet to serve a day in jail. It’s like he got away with all of it. Thanks, life ruin-er.

The show left me depressed about the world in general geared toward the rich and reminded me of the pressures that kids are under with the college admissions drama. I went through this with my daughter and recall all the grueling AP classes, the brutal athletics schedule, the volunteering hours, the test prep classes, the actual test-taking, the pressure to do more and somehow be better. And, of course, the money chats weighing the stupid prestige of certain universities over the realities about getting a wonderful education you could actually afford.

It’s a tough world out there, man. Rick took advantage of the pressure kids and parents are under, but another culprit is the university system which keeps the big trillion-dollar marketing machine going.

Murder Among the Mormons

Interesting, but edited to d-r-a-g it out. Think of an unnecessarily long Dateline episode with too many stupid interviews. I got bored halfway through because it was taking so long to tell me what happened. I’m still curious, but not that much.

All in all, boring.

Deadly Illusions

What the hell was that? I was just angry at the end. What the hell happened? It was all so unbelievable and convoluted. Kristin Davis puffs on a cigar like a wild woman.

Some spoilers here. . .

Kristin plays a successful writer and writing does things to her when she writes. Whatever. But they need the money because hubby is a dead beat so she and hubby hire a predictably hot babysitter/nanny who wants to destroy them. Da-da-da-daaaa.

It seemed like it was going to resemble a Lifetime movie, but there was kinda graphic sex with the babysitter. Kristin put her good-girl image to the side in this one! And hey, maybe Kristin was right about the writing process changing her because all thoughts of being the perfect mother flew out the window fast. But then. . . what was real what wasn’t? “You need to call 911,” Kristin says to the girl who just stabbed her husband. Why don’t you call, Kristin? Do you really trust that the lunatic-stabber babysitter is talking to the police? The babysitter has a split personality or something which comes upon us fast. Okey-dokey.

Totally weird movie.

Moxie

I was up totally for this Amy Poehler high school movie and while it was definitely a good movie, it didn’t make me fall in love, maybe because I was expecting another Mean Girls or a laugh riot. But it was a softer drama. It’s well made, well-acted, and has an important message. . . Girl Power! And standing up to discrimination, misogynistic attitudes, and bullying. As you might expect, there was plenty of humor too, but not as much of the in-your-face kind.

A solid viewing.

My Octopus Teacher

I cried.

This movie got under my skin and stuck with me. It’s up for an Oscar. The title says it all. It’s a beautifully shot documentary that takes place in a small beach area off Cape Town and follows the journey of a man and his study of the kelp forest and its under-water residents. Especially one particular octopus.

After it was over, my husband used terrible judgment and made some joke about wanting to make calamari. He slept in the guestroom that night. It’s like my extremely predictable volatile ire is catnip to him. He can’t deal with it, but he can’t lay off. Mystifying man.

I’ll not spoil anything further other than to say you should watch it. . . with someone who has a soul. (JK, George)

The Sound of Metal

I watched because of the Oscar buzz and I’m glad I did. It’s about a drummer in a rock band who goes suddenly deaf and how that changes his life. It produced Oscar nominations for Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Original Screenplay, Best Film Editing, and Best Sound and it earned every single one of them. Given the storyline, I’ll state the obvious that it was traumatic to see someone lose their hearing and while the acting was wonderful, what really stuck with me was the editing and the sound, and the way they make the viewer experience the phenomenon of hearing loss.

You’d be in the main character’s head, hearing what he hears—which was often nothing, and then the movie would cut to the morning birds chirping, or nighttime crickets, or the wind rustling through tall grass. Subtle and beautiful noises that this man would never hear again which would remind me over and over how freaking lucky I was that I could hear.

The trauma of the loss and how it changed his life pushed him to get cochlear implants and we got to learn what that was about. Basically scary as hell, controversial for good reasons, and expensive. But then we got to hear what sound was like with that technology. I don’t know if it was an accurate representation or not, but let me tell you, the hearing experience was NOT great. It surprised me how awful the sensory overload was and how distorted and confusing the sounds were through the implants.

All in all, a wonderful movie that educated me and made me feel grateful.

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2021 Golden Globes Nominees and Other Reviews.

It’s awards season! It’s the woot-woot time of my year, but I’m super sad there will be no traditional ceremonies and red-carpet events. The fashion was half the fun and while I’ll definitely be tuning in, the experience will not be the same. (Insert image of me blubbering into a cocktail here). That said, I’m trying to do my homework. So far, hubby and I have viewed a few of the contenders. In no particular order, below are my thoughts.

Mank

Bottom line, I loved this movie. It is sticking with me. . . in a good way. A black and white, noir-looking film, before going in, I worried it would be another Hollywood eye-roll thing where it was too artsy and not enjoyable. And I’ll admit, until I really understood what was going on, I was tempted to click it off. It was difficult to get into. The movie is primarily about Herman J. Mankiewicz, the big machine of Hollywood before WWII, and about the inspiration for and writing the screenplay for the classic movie Citizen Kane.

It’s shot like Citizen Kane too. Kind of choppy if I recall correctly, with flashbacks and interesting cinematography, and of course, also shot in black and white. There was genius-level dialog written by Jack Fincher. Honest to God, I want to read the screenplay. I may do that because I missed so many eye-opening gems of lines. There was just too much for my pea brain to absorb before the next solid gold nugget came at me. I need to watch the movie again.

Hang in there; don’t turn it off! It’s about the writer’s process and the agony of the creative beast coming together alongside the ruthless, heartless, business end of the movie-making biz. Can someone please tell me how those movie stars persevered under the sick tyrannical bullshit of Lewis B. Mayer? Ugh.

Towards the end, two scenes stood out. The first is the big dining room showdown at San Simeon and the wretched emptiness of William Randolf Hearst which echoed through the cavernous space while Mank lays deep drunken truths on the table telling them about their sad and lonely existence. Gary Oldman gets an Oscar for that scene alone.

Then when Orson Wells – the voice effing spot on – played by Tom Burke – visits Mank at the home he set him up in to dry-out and write. The two argue, Orson gets angry and throws stuff, and not overly riled by the violence, they stop quarreling in mid-fight, for a moment’s musing that Citizen Kane needed a good purging violence scene like that too. OMG. The writer’s life. They live in the story. The beauty of the creative triumphs over all.

There is also the inspiring Upton Sinclair and his progressive reforms storyline entrenched into Mank – and I suppose into Citizen Kane too. Damn. Now I’ve got to go back and watch that movie again. It’s been a long time. What would the world have been like without Upton Sinclair? Pluck that guy out of history. I wonder.

Listen, I could go on, but I worry about spoilers. Just watch the movie! Finish it! Even if you’re tempted to click off like I originally was.

Here’s to you, Herman. I wish you were still with us, writing today.

Hillbilly Elegy

Loved it. The acting was first rate, and while it didn’t make me cry, I was terrifically involved with each of the characters and moved by their stories. Based on a book about the real life of J.D. Vance which I hadn’t read, the painful journeys of each of the characters were so very human and reflected beautifully the damaging cycle that poverty, alcohol and drug abuse, and violence will take on each generation. No spoilers, but it was an uplifting story about choices, love, and perseverance. Never before has a Texas Instruments calculator played such an important role in the lives of so many. The ripples of that took my breath away. They were endless. Five stars!

Trial of the Chicago 7

Oh boy. I think my jaw dropped at least a dozen times while watching. I screamed and pounded my fist too. The lives these real people lived! The heroism. If I didn’t know it was true, I almost wouldn’t have believed it. The people who fought for their principles should be proud of what they represented and accomplished. Unfortunately, real change happens in minuscule steps. For them though, let’s take a collective bow and say thanks. And I’m sorry. The movie is a beautiful tribute and puts on display the culture and values of the society during those times as well as on some who lived it. The film offered a glimpse of American life during the Vietnam era and shined light on the grand truths.

I Care a Lot

OMG. I was wildly stressed out at the beginning of this movie and fled from the room. George plowed on, and I peeked back after 30 minutes and resumed watching when he assured me that retribution was coming for the main, evil character played convincingly by Rosamund Pike. Damn girl. The movie was chilling, well-acted, filled with twists, and kept you on the seat of your chair until the incredible end. Great movie if you’re not a coward like me.

Bliss – not up for an award (to my knowledge), but on this list because I’m making a list and I need to purge my rage somewhere.

Hated this movie. Sorry! Great acting, love the actors, the plot and story kept me intrigued, but in the end, I was just pissed off. I can’t say much more because of spoilers. The previews made me think we were going somewhere other than where it took me. Whatever. I just wasn’t into it. Curious what others think. #bliss on Twitter. Let’s chat.

Pretend It’s a City – not up for an award either – just throwing my confetti on it!

Loved. L-o-v-e Fran Lebowitz. She made me smile a lot. It’s an easy-to-watch documentary about Fran and her opinions filmed by her old friend, Martin Scorsese. It was an eating popcorn, cuddle under the blankets on a lazy Sunday afternoon kind of a show.

I saw it parodied on SNL – with Fran and Marty characters being spoofed and I wasn’t all that happy that they made the show seem silly and that Martin Scorsese’s delight in Fran was over the top. The fact is, Martin is tickled by Fran Lebowitz and so am I. I’ve been a fan of hers since the weird Warhol days and I learned a lot about this eccentric woman during the course of the show. She’s a unique person who I totally relate to. At one point she said something about (paraphrasing here. . . ) spending her days reading and plotting revenge. Come on. That’s my kind of girl! I heart her.

Enola Holmes

(again, not up for an award – but should be)

Millie Bobby Brown, you’re a dream. She plays Enola Holmes in this wonderful movie—the young, clever, curious, and abandoned sister of Sherlock and Mycroft. It was a little jewel that I came across in the middle of the night. Enola, (the word “Alone” spelled backward) reminded me a bit of the wonderful movie Tuck Everlasting. Maybe because they take place during the same time period – somewhere around the early 1900s and the world was different. Also, lives were in jeopardy. Enola lives in England, alone with her mother, played by the oh-so-fabulous Helena Bonham Carter, until. . . she doesn’t. Clues, clues, clues. The fascinating Holmes family.

It’s a charming movie. Watch it.

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Vexed by Firefly Lane

Ah, Firefly Lane, I can’t. Or can I?

No, I…. caaaaaaan’t. The review below is ALL SPOILER and written for those of you who feel the same as I do and feel the need to rant. Before I get into details, I’ll give my overall view. The fact is, the caaaaaan’t bit was in my mind for most of the show, but dammit all to hell, the show grew on me. It shouldn’t have, but it did. The ending kind of pissed me off too.

That said, do I recommend watching it? Yes. But you’ve been warned.

How many clichés and tropes can you jam into one show? A bucketful. Watch Firefly Lane and count them. It should be a drinking game.

Details on why my attitude toward this beast are what they are and in no particular order are listed below.

The show is a story about two best friends. Their lives and relationship are told in flashbacks, flashforwards, and during current events. Maybe I’m too dark for this show, but I started throwing popcorn at the screen, rolling my eyes, and pounding the pillows next to me with the heartstrings that we’re being yanked on. Over and over, I felt like the show was all about those, sigh, sob, whimper moments. Through the character’s troubles, we cover their topics of divorce—(although divorcing for no real reason I can fathom), a teenaged girl who can’t stand her mom (for no logical reason, but we’re supposed to be on board for this cliché. Just go with it, viewer!)

I didn’t know this show was based on a Kristin Hannah book until I saw her name in the credits, and then, it all began to make sense. Look, I’ve read a couple of Kristin’s books, and depending on my mood and the particular book, I’ve been moved and reasonably liked them. But the books always felt more like Lifetime stories. And the thing is, I LOVE a good Lifetime story, but. . . sometimes, I just don’t. And sometimes I’m embarrassed by the tripe, and sometimes I’m embarrassed for all of us. And I write books with romantic elements too! They often tug on heartstrings through tragedy and love and sorrow. So how can I justify my complaints?

 Stop interrupting my rant. I can only tell you how I felt watching the show in question.

Let’s move on to the young character getting her first period in the new white jeans while at school. This should have struck more of a chord for me since almost the same exact thing happened to me, but it was sandwiched between the scene with the dying dog and putting the dog down, and the family being (temporarily) together for the tearful moment, and the in-the-closet gay brother who tragically and unhappily marries. You got the older generation mom whose life was limited and never fulfilled but married to a great guy/father. Together, they live an okay-ish life.

One of the two main characters is Tully, the hard as nails best friend, who throughout, deals with her abandonment issues from her mother and father. Tully becomes a raging success with a demanding Oprah-like career but has all the free time in the world to hang with, hyper-analyze, and co-opt her best friend—Kate’s life. The Tully character worked for me as it felt the most complex and interesting, and dark. But, then at some point, we get a flash-forward to a Beaches-like moment when maybe, gulp, Tully dies? (She was sweating a lot and did pass out face-first while drinking.) Wait. . . What? Nope! It was a teaser. It wasn’t her. In the next flash forward to the funeral, Tully is there which leaves the viewer wondering just who the hell in the cast did die?

“You’re toying with me!” I screamed at the TV as I got comfortable for the next episode. Was this how the book was written? Flashback, current events, flash forward. . . rinse and repeat? I could read the novel to find out, but I’m not going to do that. If I had experienced the read and gotten to a part where character Kate Mularkey (greatest name ever) lamented at the church (while wearing black and about to enter for a funeral) that her friend Tully would have known what to do, and then the chapter ended to another flashback, I would have been furious during the reading too. Kind of. It also would have made me read on. Which I supposed is the entire point of a bestselling page-turner. But still, I would have felt used. Instead, I felt used watching it unfold on TV. I continued watching so I could get the answer to the question. But I felt played I tell you! Later, when Johnny gets blown up in Iraq, I guess we were supposed to believe it was him that was killed. But I wasn’t going to fall for that move a second time. Cliffhanger my ass.

Sigh.

More questions. What about the opulent homes which are situated in paradise with no explanation on how they made their money? While watching, I kept counseling myself to be patient. I knew why Tully had the sleek penthouse which she mostly swayed through drunk, but I didn’t understand how the stay-at-home mom (was she?) and the journalist/Johnny had a place in Seattle worth millions. But hey, at least they were miserable. Although again, why? Because he needed to exert his creative side and go to Iraq as a journalist – (I guess the timeline for this was during the Iraq war). I get why it would be difficult for your husband to leave, (not forever mind you) but I felt like Kate wasn’t being strong. She was strong enough to make out with a guy and get a hickey but she teared up at her daughter’s piano recital, then LEFT in the middle of the piece to go wander the extensive grounds by the pool near the ocean so she could gather her poor miserable self-indulgent thoughts together. Maybe her daughter did have a reason to hate her.

Why did Tully have an ultrasound at home? Why didn’t she go to the doctor’s office like a normal person? Who does that? Why after she lost the baby on her honeymoon (who didn’t see that coming?) was she in a three-day amnesiac state, but then bounded out of bed, ready for work and pancakes. What happened? Why is my mom here? Why was her mom there!! They hate each other. I don’t give a shit that she was calling for her during her freaky fugue state.

Then you got the slutty lingerie cliches, the ‘oh-I’m-so-naughty’ giggles, the constant wine-drinking, (cause remember, they’re all miserable deep down, trying to find themselves), the I’m-so-crazy hormones of pregnancy, the water breaking in a bar, the frantic gurney ride in labor with the smart-mouth friend co-opting the scene while the one giving birth has to take control. It all felt like it had been done before. And done better. Even the great music felt plunked in—like Carly Simon’s terrific song Coming Around Again which was written for the Merle Streep/Jack Nicolson movie Heartburn. That wonderful movie—based on the book by the incredible Nora Ephron—was great. It too had a lot of the same tropes, but they worked for me in Heartburn. But Firefly Lane is a mini-series, and Heartburn was a movie—so different formats and less time for extra cliched moments. I guess. Whatever.

What worked for me.

The overall concept of best friends forever. Girlfriends. It’s a beautiful thing.

Also the acting. It was cast well and everyone did a terrific job. The actresses who played the two best friends when they were young were wonderful and those scenes felt more fully drawn and real. Except, sigh, the hippie/druggie mother named Cloud who was way over the top. I can’t, Cloud.

Maybe this all worked better in print. Apparently, it was a series of three books. Did the first book—Firefly Lane—just screech to a halt like the mini-series leaving the best friends broken up? What did Tully do to poor little Kate that was so unforgivable? Is Johnny dead?

Wait for Season 2 to find out! Will I tune in? It will depend on my mood. Covid quarantine has had its effects on our viewing habits. Trapped in my home and restless, I’ve made a lot of choices I wouldn’t have made if life were different. So we’ll just have to see.

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Bling Empire, The Queen’s Gambit, and Pudding Shot Recipes.

A Trifecta. Let’s go.

Ah, the middle of the night. I can’t sleep because. . . (insert just about any cause and concern here.) So I turn on the TV to distract myself. First up, Bling Empire. I’m not exactly ashamed to say I watched it, but there was a bit more guilt attached to the viewing than I cared for. I mean, I wasn’t learning anything, and in the end, I was only marginally entertained. But hey, it’s better than digging my hand into a box of Captain Crunch and watching re-runs of the Real Housewives.

Full disclosure, I’m a super fan of Bravo and the Real Housewives. There are times though that even I can’t stomach what they’re doing and saying. As much as I loved Dorinda, thank God she’s taking a break.

Bling Empire was like watching a different kind of Shahs of Sunset where in the first season of drama, everyone (Reza – I’m looking at you) was going overboard boasting about their wealth. But as the show went into further seasons, you witnessed how hard these characters were trying to get ahead and stay afloat. In Bling, I had the same worries. Yes, Kane had a wall of shoes, but he was living in a small apartment with them. Yes, I understand it’s LA, but still. Also, I think with the wave of societal trends, causes, chaos, deprivation, and pain, the fun of having a wall of shoes that set you back maybe $100,000 was off-putting. Damn you real world for spoiling shit like this for me!

The characters were a mixed bag of interesting casting. I was super fearful of the ex-Power Ranger, Andrew. He was sooo creepy. And his girlfriend’s ex was caught up in some kind of major criminal activity—so, that didn’t sit well for me. And then this Anna chic with the really long, SUPER messy blond hair and makeup whose billions came from her family and the arms business? Did I get that right? And why does she effing whisper all the time? I’ll tell you why. To make the supplicants work hard to receive the blessing of her every deigned thought and worldly utterance. Here you go, baby. Here’s a crumb for you. And one for you. And one for you. Poo. I just wanted her to take a shower, (but not with that pump thing – what was that about?) Her house was just as messy as she was, and her lips, well, I’m assuming nature didn’t do that. At one point in the show, she had a party but invited one gal to arrive at a time nearing the end to publicly humiliate her as punishment for. . . not important. Let’s just say it was Anna’s hand and ass everyone was told to kiss. No thanks.

Kane grew on me. So did Kevin. And the fabulous Jaime Xie, who didn’t get much of a storyline other than for her shopping and OCD— was eye candy and fun to watch. I wish I could just have a day or two with her in real life. I’m following her on Instagram. All in all, I was more weirded out by the show than anything. But I watched the whole damn thing.

Onward to The Queen’s Gambit. I loved this mini-series. It had a Wes Anderson vibe—quirky, but highly interesting. The main character, played by Anya Taylor-Joy, was a fascinating study and from a book written by Walter Tevis. Ms. Taylor-Joy was as mesmerizing as her character to watch. The first couple of episodes were difficult for me because it was a bit trippy and sad, but I got into it. The 50’s-60’s scene was well done, and the characters stayed true to who they were. I would love to see more. I’d rate it five stars!

To my recipe for pudding shots; my favorite below. But I will caution you, as much as you might be tempted, do not go overboard and add extra vodka. Not only will they be too runny, but it will also take away the delight of the dessert. Naturally, you can always have shots on the side. I also strongly recommend that you freeze these suckers and then eat them with a tiny taster spoon. Spoons with super soft edges. Pretend you’re Alice in Wonderland. Also, do NOT get bad Vodka. I’m begging you to listen to me. That’s good advice!

In addition to the wee spoons, you’ll need disposable cups with lids.

Pistachio Amaretto Pudding Shots

2 – Pistachio Pudding boxes (small)

1& ½ cup of milk

½ cup Amaretto

1 cup Vodka

2 – Cool Whip (small)

Throw it all together, dish into cups, then put into freezer. Later, remove those bad boys, and with a sly smile. . .enjoy!

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Bridgerton. My Review. Ooh La La.

A trending, hot show on Netflix, I love me a period piece and thought, Oh Yeah, I’m saving this one for Christmas eve for my daughter, husband, and I to watch. After the prerequisite viewing of Die Hard, my son’s go-to Xmas movie, my son turned his nose up at Bridgerton and the rest of us gathered round the tv in front of the fire and jumped into viewing.

Hmm. What is this?

The first episode gave off an Ella Enchanted or Cinderella vibe. Not at all what I was expecting. It was rather slow too. But it was visually gorgeous, the production value was first rate, and the casting wonderful. I would have just watched it for the costuming and set design alone. How much freaking money did it take to shoot this thing? It’s all about the wealthy Bridgerton family and their wealthy English community and a titillating anonymous gossip sheet wreaking havoc written by a mysterious Lady Whistledown.

Full disclosure, after episode two, my daughter and husband lost interest and I could feel them squirming as I had control of the remote. We moved on and watched something else.

I did a bit of research before I went back and finished watching the series by myself. I had no idea, but it turns out the show was based off an eight-book series by Julia Quinn. It’s set in 1813-1827, during the Regency period in Britain around the time King George III went mad. (OMG, adored Queen Charlotte, played by Golda Rosheuval). Back then, women’s rights were non-existent, and the series works hard on their behalf to show the injustice.

Overall, I thought the show very enjoyable and give it a 3 ½ star review. A younger audience might have found it a kind of modern Jane Austen too, but beware. I’d strongly caution parents to keep their young ones away. There is a ton of sex. And this really surprised me. I almost didn’t see it coming. (um, no pun intended). I’m no prude, but for a while I thought I was watching one thing, and then it went. . . somewhere else. I seriously wonder what the books are like and how many young women (and men) have swooned their way through and learned a thing or two about the happenings in the boudoir. Or on the office desk. Or stairs. Or on ladders. Or the lawn. Take your pick.

It reminded me too of Coming to America – but entirely set in the wealthy world of Zamunda. The words lavish and opulent spring to mind. Everyone was incredibly, beautifully bejeweled, cleveaged up, and on parade in ballrooms and drawing rooms. It was no upstairs/downstairs thing though. I can hardly remember any real poverty or servants. Sure, there were folks trying to get to the next tier, but still, it was all about the gentry. And marriage. And courting. And reputation. And sex.

So, really, what am complaining about? Nothing, I guess. Judge for yourself, dear reader.

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Can the Dog Pee on You?

“Can you come over so the dog can pee on you?” I asked my daughter.

“What?”

“We need to get a urine sample for the vet.”

I heard the patient, deep inhale expressing the standard ‘what-now’ from my 25-year-old. “I’m on a conference call, mom. I’m working?”

Along with most people, Scarlett has been working from home, but her home is joyously only two miles away from my own. I never want her to move way. And the thing is, for whatever reason. .  . not a good one. . . Gemma, our exuberant Golden, is always so excited when she sees Scarlett, that she pees. (We’re working on it. Don’t start with me.)

“Come on. Break away. We only need you for like five minutes. You know she’ll pee all over you when you walk in the door. We can have the meet and greet inside. Your dad has the turkey baster out and thinks he can suck up the puddle from the floor.”

Our sweet baby dog had been having uncommon accidents and I’ll try not to totally disgust you – too late? – by describing the smell. Let’s just say it’s pee on crack. And Gemma has singularly chosen the upstairs hallway outside our bedroom door and the middle of the night to empty her bladder. It’s delightful to wake up to the smell and to then find a wet, mushy surprise with your bare foot.

Scarlett laughed, but a bit maniacal. “Did it occur to you that I don’t want to be peed on?”

I frowned. “I’ll not go into your own diaper changes. Come on. Your dad and I have had her on a leash outside for like an hour. I’m following her around with a Tupperware bowl. It’s not working. I think it might hurt when she pees. You’re the one who said she might have a bladder infection, Miss Nurse, who I paid to send through college.”

I heard a big sigh. “What time is her vet appointment?”

“In three hours. If I don’t bring in a urine sample, they’ll have to keep her for a long time and then I don’t even know how they’ll do it. But it will be expensive. They’re like lawyers with billing hours. It’s going to cost us another fortune. And we just had the carpets replaced and your dad just steam cleaned the hall and she did it again last night.”

“The carpet in the hall is not new.”

She had me there. But still, it would most likely have to be “new” soon. Just add it onto the bill, Gemma. You’ve cost us a fortune in medical bills. We may be unexciting and generally non-athletic, but when you chose us as your family, you can’t deny you got a damn good medical plan.

“Whatever.”

“What about Covid? Me coming inside?” Scarlett annoyingly pressed.

My daughter had not been inside my home for months. We’ve been soooo good. We’ve met in parks and went for walks sometimes. We sang her happy birthday outside her door with a cake and left it and the presents on her doorstep. It’s been hell not to hold her and kiss her, but I shouldn’t complain. So far, we’ve all been healthy. And that is what is most important.

“You can wear a mask,” I said.

“Ahh. All right. I’m on my way.”

“Thank you, baby. We appreciate it. It’s like you’re nursing the entire world. Taking care of us all.”

“I can’t wait.”

“I’ll load you up with pudding shots before you go. Your dad and I made chocolate ones with Vodka and Cherry Baileys last night.”

“Why?”

I glared at the phone. “What do you mean, why?”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

And there you have it. One can always change the atmosphere and general delight with a delicious chocolate pudding shot. And a turkey baster filled with pee.

It’s a good thing.

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The Crown, Season 4. My Review.

I don’t think there will be any spoilers here, unless you are newly hatched or just learning about history, or living in a cave. Thrilled that Season 4 had finally arrived, I settled in to binge watch with George, but he only made it through the first three episodes then fell asleep. I stayed up all night to finish it. The show flies by.

Overall, I thought the season was okay, but it just didn’t feel as comparable to the first two seasons when the Queen was younger and played by Claire Foy and her sister Margaret was brilliantly portrayed by Vanessa Kirby. That said, seasons 3 and 4 don’t have any slouches cast. I have no complaints with Olivia Coleman and Helena Bonham Carter as Queen and Margaret, respectively, but during season 3, I really missed the old cast. I thought they could have squeezed another season out of the first cast, but then, I’m not in charge.

So it took me a while to warm up to the second group. But I have now. Helena in particular took some getting used to as Princess Margaret went even more wild and savagely struggled to stay afloat and find that elusive creature called personal happiness.

The casting of John Lithgow as Churchill was amazing. The rest of the prime ministers kind of blended for me. Maybe because I’m American. But that ended when Margaret Thatcher took the stage being played by Gillian Anderson of X-Files fame. (I’ll get to Diana’s casting later).

I’m sure Gillian Anderson studied Margaret Thatcher. I’ll bet she worked really hard at it. And while her performance might be deemed brilliant by some, I wasn’t sure that I recalled Margaret Thatcher being quite so tight jawed and preposterously hard to understand. Her perfectly coiffed and hair-sprayed helmet didn’t move as her slight frame hunched through her day… from cabinet meetings to the kitchen where she crazily cooked all the time. Maybe the cooking and ironing relaxed her, but it was brutally uncomfortable to watch the head of state multi-tasking her ass off as the only person in the world who could do anything right. I tried mimicking the speech by not opening my teeth more than a tiny bit while speaking. It’s hard to do, and yet, it’s the only way I could get to a sample interpretation of the entirely weird and cartoonish character that she came across as. I learned a bit about Margaret’s politics too. I knew her and President Regan had been buddy buddy, but her moniker as the Iron Lady served her well for not only the chastity belt she strapped onto her jaw, but for the coldness she revealed in toward all her fellow man. Even the Queen thought so! What? That bundle of warmth? Yes! Margaret Thatcher was a cold mother too, choosing one of her twin children—the boy, over the other twin—a girl. (She claimed her preference was due to merit – but as a mother myself – I don’t give a shit). Margaret wasn’t a girls girl either. No champion of the opposite sex she.

All in all, the Margaret Thatcher thing felt weird. Now let’s tackle Diana, our Queen of Hearts. Swooning here!

Elizabeth Debicki was cast in the role of our beautiful Diana and sometimes her looks were way off, and at others, spot on. The hair was perfect, the body too thin, and at times, I felt like I was really watching Diana. But there were other times when Ms. Debicki went way overboard on the expressions of shyness. The batting eyes, the looking at people from under the lashes, the constant head tilts. The scene where Charles and Diana announce their engagement with the big blue ring is one of them. I thought it was wayyy over the top. But then, I got over it.

Here’s the thing, the royal family does not come across well. Again. Charles in particular was wildly cruel to Diana. They all were! A bunch of incredible snobs who didn’t care anything about her as human and in fact accused Diana of faking her warmth toward others as publicity stunts. Okay, we all know the story, I don’t need to tell you. Camilla, you damn bitch. Why didn’t you just go away? You could have allowed Charles room to be with his wife. I really think they might have made it, and history would be different (obviously) if not for you. Charles, who had been unloved and bullied all his life and had come to his meeting with Diana as a sympathetic-type character, then throws it all way as he abandons her and sets Diana up to fail.

At the end, you feel kind of sorry for all of them. Prince Philip—never, ever, ever a likeable guy, kind of pegs it. They are all superfluous, all miserable, all damaged and back-biting at one another because of the Crown. They protect the Queen. And maybe that’s the way it always was and will be. Courtiers of old, falling on their swords, pushed aside, thrown to the gallows, put in institutions, prisons, and laid under the executioner’s sword, because of the crown’s desires and needs.

In Season 4, as through quite a lot of the series, the writers do what they can to minimize the damage to the Queen herself, but she’s there, in the mix, with history, and now the entire world is judging her again. She must be exhausted.

They ran through the years fast in this season. So much that we know of that happens does so off screen. 

Would I watch it again? Absolutely yes. And I will. Is it fascinating? Yes. Is it sad? Definitely. On so many, many fronts. Diana, for all her glamor, spent a lot of time with her head in the toilet, and they did a wonderful job showing the pain of bulimia and why, in her case, it may have happened. Did I learn things I did not know before? Yes, I did. Most definitely. I think back over the many seasons and all the little stories I knew nothing about… the fog, the constant smoking and cancers, the Queen’s role and difficulty of it, the Queen’s education, the ridiculously heavy-handedness and short-sightedness of the old guard of courtiers and staff, (except for Pip Torrens as Tommy Lascelles. I could watch him all effing day), the coal mining accident, the Kennedy’s visit, the Queen mother’s drinking and tiny little voice, Philips’s upbringing, Philip’s mother, David—the Duke of Winsor and his evil actions, nasty, nasty mouth and farty little dogs…. I could go on and on. 

It’s a world to its own and we get to visit. Is there creative license taken and are the stories and portrayals true? Yes, and probably yes. 

I can’t wait for Season 5. But then, sigh…. we all know there will be much more sadness. Would I want to live my life in Kensington Palace? I used to think it a fairyland dream. Not so much anymore. And I most definitely would not want to roam those oxygen-less and humorless halls. Unless they invited me. Then hell yes. Get out of my way! I know they’re real people, but I feel like I know them. And feel sorry for them….kind of. But, I love them a bit too. And I sincerely want them all to be happy.

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