Tom Barnes's Blog: Tom's 'RocktheTower' Blog - Posts Tagged "thomas-jefferson"
The Declaration of Independence and Schindler's List
This Week
'The Goring Collection,' Jacob begins his turn.
Writers Notebook: Loglines for Schindler's List
Part 2 'The Goring Collection' Prologue Excerpt
Jacob and Natalie Heimann were granted political asylum, taken to the United States, and spent the next two months answering questions at the CIA facility located in Langley, Virginia. The agency looked into Jacob's background and determined that he was a possible KGB plant. However, the timing was right, they needed someone from the Eastern bloc to penetrate the inner circle of the Communist Party on the West Coast. And in spite of some reservations about his possible double agent status, Jacob was hired as a West Coast operative.
The CIA offered Natalie a job with the outfit, but she let them know that she was not interested. Following their stay at Langley, Jacob and Natalie traveled to San Francisco by train and rented an apartment on Clay Street.
Jacob’s KGB contact, code-name David, setup a series of meetings to introduce him to members of the West Coast Communist establishment. The CIA assigned him an agent, code name Luke, and while walking his double agent tight rope Jacob judiciously passed along a stream of dubious information to Luke regarding the communist underground in America.
Jacob spoke perfect English, but with a European accent. And with his German and Russian language skills he quickly became a popular guest at liberal functions. Jacob accepted all the invitations he could work into his schedule and in the early days listened to a diatribe of complaints from the hate America crowd. However, he listened patiently, taking his time, and then with the help of his KGB handlers drew on his credits from Rostock University, Jacob applied for and was offered a professor's seat at the College of California at Oakland.
During the early years in America Jacob’s work with the CIA and KGB, lectures and diplomatic functions took him all over the west with Hollywood recurring most frequently on his schedule. Those Hollywood meetings were the most contentious, and oftentimes he found himself in the middle of black list controversies. Although the House Un-American Activities Committee meetings had taken place in the late forties and early fifties the fall out from those hearings was still evident in Hollywood into the late sixties.
Over time Natalie accepted the American lifestyle and even decided to become a citizen. She begged her brother to join her in the Citizenship Program. Jacob argued, but Natalie was persuasive, and eventually talked her brother into going along.
It was during that period when Natalie met and fell in love with Morton Bromfield, a young intern working at San Francisco General Hospital. When their romance progressed toward a wedding, it was decided that the ceremony would be held at Santa Barbara, the groom's hometown.
Jacob took the train down the day before the wedding and arrived in time to attend the rehearsal and have dinner with the Bromfield family. At the end of the evening he escorted his sister to her bedroom, kissed her goodnight and just before he turned to leave said, “Is the family aware of my political persuasion?”
“Only that you are a professor and speaker and that your politics tilt to the left.” Then Natalie laughed. “And I suppose they will stay that way until I can talk some sense into you.”
Jacob grinned. “You never give up, do you, Sis.” Then he walked outside and down the path toward the guesthouse. The smell of night blooming jasmine mixed with thoughts about the day’s activity and Natalie’s joyous laughter somehow gave him a sense of freedom and a feeling of exuberance that he had never experienced before.
The formal ceremony went off without a hitch and Natalie looked beautiful in her white silk and lace-wedding outfit. Jacob found time at the reception to congratulate the bride and groom. Then he meandered around and studied the guests that had gathered for the occasion. The diversity of the group was puzzling to him. A wide spectrum of politics was represented, extending from the radical left to the extreme right. He spotted one of the Hollywood ten, across the room, talking to a conservative congressman that had voted that group in contempt of congress and sent them off to jail. Jacob shook his head and mused, “Only in America.”
Someone gripped his arm and guided him toward the terrace. "Jacob, dear boy. I need a word with you."
"Tony Rockwell! What a pleasant surprise." Then Jacob stood back and said, "You're looking good."
"Looks can be deceiving, dear boy, but I had to get you alone and thank you --"
"Don't even say it. There's no need," Jacob said ruefully. "I know how you feel and extolling the subject won't change the matter one whit. It was all a bad scene. The Congressional Hearings, the Black List and all the rancor that went with it."
"I expect you're right, Jacob. But please allow me at least one observation. Of the people I've associated with on the Hollywood left, you Jacob are the only one I know that has character and integrity. Which leads me to wonder if you are truly as far left politically as you profess to be."
"I suppose I should accept that as a compliment, although I'm not sure it's deserved," Jacob said as he put his hand on Tony's shoulder and smiled. "Now, we can continue this conversation some other time, my friend, but today is a celebration, so lets go inside and have some champagne."
On his return trip to San Francisco Jacob had time to think and reflect on his experiences of the past three days. What was truly amazing to him was how he had fit right in with the Bromfield family and their friends. Then as he looked out at the California countryside he was reminded of Tony Rockwell’s remark about his political leanings. ‘…Are you truly as far left as you profess to be?’ Jacob was aware that his zest for the Communist Party was not as strong as it once was. But he hadn’t really thought it was that obvious to others.
When Jacob got back to San Francisco, he taught his classes, attended cell meetings, and kept his lecture schedule, but nothing was the same. His feelings about democracy were growing while his passion for the Marxists ideology seemed to be slowly ebbing away. He considered his new attitude toward American Democracy and tried to put a timeline on just how and when he had started to change. As near as he could judge it followed his prescribed course for citizenship, which seemed to be only an appetizer. For when he finished those studies, he began reading biographies on the Founding Fathers, the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Federalist papers. Jacob believed that the most profound difference in his thinking was provided by a short phrase written by Thomas Jefferson into the Declaration of Independence:
‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.’
(To be continued)
Writers Notebook:
Loglines have got to be Tight, Terse and Telling. That two or three sentence summary is a must for screenwriters. And it is becoming more clear to me every day that narrative writers could also benefit. From articles to novels and screenplays we need a clear vision about the direction of our work and a well thought out logline could help to keep that vision in focus.
Writer Wendy Moon wrote an excellent article on the subject a few years ago using Schindler's List loglines written with three different approaches. I use Wendy's examples and add a couple of my own to illustrate the difference in word choices that, if you are not careful can lead to a bland result.
As tempting as it is to cram every bit of information you possibly can into two sentences, it's not an effective approach. Here's an example:
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: Oskar Schindler is a social-climbing, avaricious businessman and playboy who doesn't seem to care for anyone but himself. But when he witnesses atrocities as the Nazis drive the Jews out of a ghetto, he becomes an unusual humanitarian against his own better judgment. Devoted to ingratiating himself with the Nazi brass in order to get war supply contracts, he still feels that he must protect the Jews by hiring only them for his factory so they can work and not be deported to the camps where they will certainly die. This script is adapted from the true life story of Oskar Schindler who managed to employ around 1,100 Jews and thus saved them from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. This story will make everyone realize that good exists even in those we don't think about compassion at all. 144 words!! Now, it tells the story but it weakens it by telling us far too much.
Here's one written by Harald Mayr from Internet Movie Database.
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: "Oskar Schindler is a vain, glorious and greedy German businessman who becomes unlikely humanitarian amid the barbaric Nazi reign when he feels compelled to turn his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on the true story of Oskar Schindler who managed to save about 1,100 Jews from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. A testament for the good in all of us."
This summary cuts out a lot of details and comes in at 66 words. It's good but it could still be shorter, and it lacked a sense of urgency.
Here are a couple of thoughts to keep in mind – enthusiasm and pace.
We've quoted Ernest Hemingway a number of times in Writers Notebook and while working on your logline his terse writing style wouldn't be a bad model to follow.
Here are two short loglines that give us stark examples of word choices: the first comes in at 32 words the second at 38.
Schindler's List, drama: The true story of Austrian industrialist Oskar Schindler, who harbored Polish Jews during WWII by using them as workers in his factory. Schindler saved 1,100 Jews from certain death.
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: A playboy manufacturer rescues 1,100 Jews from certain death. Appalled by atrocities in Nazi Germany, he hoodwinks the Nazi brass and converts his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on Oskar Schindler's true story.
The first, while shorter comes off as bland. The second, although a bit longer, actually reads faster and reflects a sense of urgency by using colorful and compelling word choices.
Now go back and read Thomas Jefferson's famous line from The Declaration of Independance.
Tom Barnes -- Actor, Writer and Hurricane Hunter -- Check out my website for books, blogs, western legends, a literary icon, reviews and interviews. Also my novels Tungee's Gold ,The Goring Collection and Doc Holliday’s Road to Tombstone along with a non fiction remembrance of The Hurricane Hunters and Lost in the Bermuda Triangle.
www.tombarnes39.com
www.RocktheTower.com
http://TheHurricaneHunter.blogspot.com
'The Goring Collection,' Jacob begins his turn.
Writers Notebook: Loglines for Schindler's List
Part 2 'The Goring Collection' Prologue Excerpt
Jacob and Natalie Heimann were granted political asylum, taken to the United States, and spent the next two months answering questions at the CIA facility located in Langley, Virginia. The agency looked into Jacob's background and determined that he was a possible KGB plant. However, the timing was right, they needed someone from the Eastern bloc to penetrate the inner circle of the Communist Party on the West Coast. And in spite of some reservations about his possible double agent status, Jacob was hired as a West Coast operative.
The CIA offered Natalie a job with the outfit, but she let them know that she was not interested. Following their stay at Langley, Jacob and Natalie traveled to San Francisco by train and rented an apartment on Clay Street.
Jacob’s KGB contact, code-name David, setup a series of meetings to introduce him to members of the West Coast Communist establishment. The CIA assigned him an agent, code name Luke, and while walking his double agent tight rope Jacob judiciously passed along a stream of dubious information to Luke regarding the communist underground in America.
Jacob spoke perfect English, but with a European accent. And with his German and Russian language skills he quickly became a popular guest at liberal functions. Jacob accepted all the invitations he could work into his schedule and in the early days listened to a diatribe of complaints from the hate America crowd. However, he listened patiently, taking his time, and then with the help of his KGB handlers drew on his credits from Rostock University, Jacob applied for and was offered a professor's seat at the College of California at Oakland.
During the early years in America Jacob’s work with the CIA and KGB, lectures and diplomatic functions took him all over the west with Hollywood recurring most frequently on his schedule. Those Hollywood meetings were the most contentious, and oftentimes he found himself in the middle of black list controversies. Although the House Un-American Activities Committee meetings had taken place in the late forties and early fifties the fall out from those hearings was still evident in Hollywood into the late sixties.
Over time Natalie accepted the American lifestyle and even decided to become a citizen. She begged her brother to join her in the Citizenship Program. Jacob argued, but Natalie was persuasive, and eventually talked her brother into going along.
It was during that period when Natalie met and fell in love with Morton Bromfield, a young intern working at San Francisco General Hospital. When their romance progressed toward a wedding, it was decided that the ceremony would be held at Santa Barbara, the groom's hometown.
Jacob took the train down the day before the wedding and arrived in time to attend the rehearsal and have dinner with the Bromfield family. At the end of the evening he escorted his sister to her bedroom, kissed her goodnight and just before he turned to leave said, “Is the family aware of my political persuasion?”
“Only that you are a professor and speaker and that your politics tilt to the left.” Then Natalie laughed. “And I suppose they will stay that way until I can talk some sense into you.”
Jacob grinned. “You never give up, do you, Sis.” Then he walked outside and down the path toward the guesthouse. The smell of night blooming jasmine mixed with thoughts about the day’s activity and Natalie’s joyous laughter somehow gave him a sense of freedom and a feeling of exuberance that he had never experienced before.
The formal ceremony went off without a hitch and Natalie looked beautiful in her white silk and lace-wedding outfit. Jacob found time at the reception to congratulate the bride and groom. Then he meandered around and studied the guests that had gathered for the occasion. The diversity of the group was puzzling to him. A wide spectrum of politics was represented, extending from the radical left to the extreme right. He spotted one of the Hollywood ten, across the room, talking to a conservative congressman that had voted that group in contempt of congress and sent them off to jail. Jacob shook his head and mused, “Only in America.”
Someone gripped his arm and guided him toward the terrace. "Jacob, dear boy. I need a word with you."
"Tony Rockwell! What a pleasant surprise." Then Jacob stood back and said, "You're looking good."
"Looks can be deceiving, dear boy, but I had to get you alone and thank you --"
"Don't even say it. There's no need," Jacob said ruefully. "I know how you feel and extolling the subject won't change the matter one whit. It was all a bad scene. The Congressional Hearings, the Black List and all the rancor that went with it."
"I expect you're right, Jacob. But please allow me at least one observation. Of the people I've associated with on the Hollywood left, you Jacob are the only one I know that has character and integrity. Which leads me to wonder if you are truly as far left politically as you profess to be."
"I suppose I should accept that as a compliment, although I'm not sure it's deserved," Jacob said as he put his hand on Tony's shoulder and smiled. "Now, we can continue this conversation some other time, my friend, but today is a celebration, so lets go inside and have some champagne."
On his return trip to San Francisco Jacob had time to think and reflect on his experiences of the past three days. What was truly amazing to him was how he had fit right in with the Bromfield family and their friends. Then as he looked out at the California countryside he was reminded of Tony Rockwell’s remark about his political leanings. ‘…Are you truly as far left as you profess to be?’ Jacob was aware that his zest for the Communist Party was not as strong as it once was. But he hadn’t really thought it was that obvious to others.
When Jacob got back to San Francisco, he taught his classes, attended cell meetings, and kept his lecture schedule, but nothing was the same. His feelings about democracy were growing while his passion for the Marxists ideology seemed to be slowly ebbing away. He considered his new attitude toward American Democracy and tried to put a timeline on just how and when he had started to change. As near as he could judge it followed his prescribed course for citizenship, which seemed to be only an appetizer. For when he finished those studies, he began reading biographies on the Founding Fathers, the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and the Federalist papers. Jacob believed that the most profound difference in his thinking was provided by a short phrase written by Thomas Jefferson into the Declaration of Independence:
‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.’
(To be continued)
Writers Notebook:
Loglines have got to be Tight, Terse and Telling. That two or three sentence summary is a must for screenwriters. And it is becoming more clear to me every day that narrative writers could also benefit. From articles to novels and screenplays we need a clear vision about the direction of our work and a well thought out logline could help to keep that vision in focus.
Writer Wendy Moon wrote an excellent article on the subject a few years ago using Schindler's List loglines written with three different approaches. I use Wendy's examples and add a couple of my own to illustrate the difference in word choices that, if you are not careful can lead to a bland result.
As tempting as it is to cram every bit of information you possibly can into two sentences, it's not an effective approach. Here's an example:
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: Oskar Schindler is a social-climbing, avaricious businessman and playboy who doesn't seem to care for anyone but himself. But when he witnesses atrocities as the Nazis drive the Jews out of a ghetto, he becomes an unusual humanitarian against his own better judgment. Devoted to ingratiating himself with the Nazi brass in order to get war supply contracts, he still feels that he must protect the Jews by hiring only them for his factory so they can work and not be deported to the camps where they will certainly die. This script is adapted from the true life story of Oskar Schindler who managed to employ around 1,100 Jews and thus saved them from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. This story will make everyone realize that good exists even in those we don't think about compassion at all. 144 words!! Now, it tells the story but it weakens it by telling us far too much.
Here's one written by Harald Mayr from Internet Movie Database.
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: "Oskar Schindler is a vain, glorious and greedy German businessman who becomes unlikely humanitarian amid the barbaric Nazi reign when he feels compelled to turn his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on the true story of Oskar Schindler who managed to save about 1,100 Jews from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp. A testament for the good in all of us."
This summary cuts out a lot of details and comes in at 66 words. It's good but it could still be shorter, and it lacked a sense of urgency.
Here are a couple of thoughts to keep in mind – enthusiasm and pace.
We've quoted Ernest Hemingway a number of times in Writers Notebook and while working on your logline his terse writing style wouldn't be a bad model to follow.
Here are two short loglines that give us stark examples of word choices: the first comes in at 32 words the second at 38.
Schindler's List, drama: The true story of Austrian industrialist Oskar Schindler, who harbored Polish Jews during WWII by using them as workers in his factory. Schindler saved 1,100 Jews from certain death.
SCHINDLER'S LIST, drama: A playboy manufacturer rescues 1,100 Jews from certain death. Appalled by atrocities in Nazi Germany, he hoodwinks the Nazi brass and converts his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on Oskar Schindler's true story.
The first, while shorter comes off as bland. The second, although a bit longer, actually reads faster and reflects a sense of urgency by using colorful and compelling word choices.
Now go back and read Thomas Jefferson's famous line from The Declaration of Independance.
Tom Barnes -- Actor, Writer and Hurricane Hunter -- Check out my website for books, blogs, western legends, a literary icon, reviews and interviews. Also my novels Tungee's Gold ,The Goring Collection and Doc Holliday’s Road to Tombstone along with a non fiction remembrance of The Hurricane Hunters and Lost in the Bermuda Triangle.
www.tombarnes39.com
www.RocktheTower.com
http://TheHurricaneHunter.blogspot.com
Tom's 'RocktheTower' Blog
I do a variety blog and post every Wednesday. I am an actor, writer and hurricane hunter and my subjects are generally written about those fields. During Hurricane Season I do at least one story every
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