Jon Ureña's Blog, page 63

I Need To Fart (GPT fueled poetry)

My gut eats me alive
It has been taunting me
The last twenty four hours
I have gained a few pounds
It's probably just an asthma attack

When I lie down, it churns my guts
In my head it’s morning
When I’m awake, it’s noon
What a cruel, cruel bitch it is
This is getting very old

Do not lock the door
While you are at home
Prey for its claws
That don’t sleep

The halls of my bowels
Smell like shit
There’s ants all over my belly
They are taking up residence

Hang on to your shit
Before it goes into the street

It’s a message to the world
Don’t think you can have it all
To eat or drink
You can never leave it alone
I got the airwaves
They’re playing the roles

A Magician and Her Assistant (GPT fueled poetry)

The bridge pins of her harp
Glimmered in the stage lights
While she fingered the strings
And breathed in the sound.

There was darkness in the room
And wet dog breath in the air.
Joanna Newsom's holy words
Were already on their way.

She sang of a love
That was older than time,
In an ancient language
That only she understood.

I felt it through the hollow ground
As it crawled up to the surface.
Through my arms, my collarbone.
Through my wrists, my thighs.
To the bones of my back.

But my black heart could see
That her words fell short of her heart,
As they always did.

I kept getting fired or discarded.
I couldn't love anyone that lived.
Every night I went to sleep
Hoping I wouldn't wake up again.

I stood on the phantom bridge
Right where the herringbone turned,
Where my heart began to race,
The way it did all those magical times.

As Joanna held me close,
She asked if she was too heavy.
I gave her a wink, all smiley like.
We knew that wouldn't be a worry,
Because she knew I had her back,
And also because she's small.

A place to call home.
Someone who holds me up when I fall.

"The world is broken,"
She whispered into my ear,
"And you can't fix it."

Joanna's voice was so soft,
It made me shiver.
I tried to fight her off,
But she was too strong.
I gave in, and she took me.
I felt like I was burning alive.
I felt like I was being reborn.

Joanna's phantom walked beside me
Every day, from morning to night.
It made me happy and sad.
It made me scared and mad.

I wonder if she remembers how it felt,
A million miles away from now.
What she was like back then,
Who she knew,
What dreams she had.
To wake up again as the little girl
That the adults pretended she was.

The world is collapsing
Before my eyes.
Joanna's mind was full
Of swirls and rainbow cars
As she sang songs
That only she could hear.

"I will take you away,"
Joanna said.
"We'll go far, far away."
And we did.

I wonder if she understands
That we were born into a circus;
A magician and her assistant
Whose job is to amuse.

We're the clowns and they are the master,
The one that knows what's real.
We're the acrobats and they are the rope,
The one that ties us up.
We're the lions and they are the cage,
The one that keeps us in.

We have to keep the show going
For the rest of our lives.

I wonder if she's dreaming
Of all the people she's met,
Of a place that feels like home,
And if that place is made of stars.

Would the magic stop working?
Would the illusion disappear?
Would the music fade away?
And what if the magician left,
Or got sick, or lost her voice,
And never performed again?

She can't know how I've changed,
Became more like myself.
Thoughts I hold deep down in my heart,
They keep me in hell.

I am the man
Who stands alone
In a field of wildflowers,
Watching them die.

The words that move
Like stone and flame,
They carry me away
Into a broken place.

Odes To My Triceratops, Pt. 3 (GPT fueled short)

NOTE: this version is outdated. Follow the link below for the current one.

Link for this short on my personal page, where it looks better

---

Once William’s Triceratops friend was seen for the last time, William Griffin’s mood plummeted. His neighbor Claire Javernick moved away days later. Riddled with guilt and despair, the texts that William produced during this stage up to his death have remained a source of discussion for years.

HELL YEAH by William Griffin

I met Lorenzo a long, long time ago
I bet he is somewhere in the sky
When he died I put him in the earth
Buried him in a hole you can’t see

I met Claire last night
She was sixteen and she was blind
She was blind but she could see
The way she looked at me with those greys
I was sent straight to hell

Her house has been empty since then
She took my warmth with her
She went down to hell to stay
She had said it once but said it again:
"Hell yeah"

WORMS AND DINOSAURS by William Griffin

The shadows, the black and the grey
Running down her face so dreadfully
Every time I looked I saw her tears
She never agreed to stay the night

Lorenzo, a giant skeleton
A living graveyard for the dead
A door in his throat
Was leading right to hell
Where there are worms and dinosaurs

Claire, you can't escape your fate
Claire, the sixteen years old girl
With no idea how to read or write
You're so small, but in your heart
You're a fourteen years old slut

I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys
I like boys, I like boys

LORENZO THE KINSLAYER by William Griffin

Lorenzo killed the dinosaurs
And he's about to kill your ass
For snorting his drool
Like I’ve seen you do

He's been hungry for a while now,
That Triceratops

Fuck you, don’t open the door
You’ll never find him there
And you don’t want to see what’s behind

A door is there
Inside, a door is there
You've got to step inside,
And pray that I’m wrong

"I love you, Claire," I'd say.
"I'm so glad that we were born!"
And you would say, "I love you too, Billy.
What are we going to do today?"
"I think we'll walk the stairs
up to the last, then maybe
Go for a swim!"

We can't stop! We can't stop!

Never stare at the door, I said
Never stare at the door
When it opens

KEEP YOUR LAST NAME by William Griffin

Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
That everybody knew for years
Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
And he was gonna stay a while

He didn’t even have a last name
He would have taken Claire’s

They made a deal
To see what they were made of
They ate, they drank and they made love
In good times and in bad

Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
That everybody knew for years
Lorenzo was the dino from out of town
And he was gonna stay a while

Claire was the girl from this town
The girl from this town
The girl from this town
She was supposed to stay

IN YOUR FINGERTIPS by William Griffin

Claire
You couldn’t write a thing
Nor read for that matter
But you must have known
Just by the way my smile felt
In your fingertips
That my love for you was real

All I could do was walk the streets
And keep you near

I loved you, Claire
But now you’re gone

I KNOW I CAN SING by William Griffin

Lorenzo died then, in the night
I was sleeping when he passed away
I was nowhere near that place, I swear,
Where they said he died
He was singing a lullaby to me
I heard beauty in his voice

I wish I could hear his voice again
And his voice and mine could sing together
I wish it was a real voice that I was hearing
Not just a track of white noise
But what else it could have been

I wish this voice I hear was him,
Not his part in a symphony orchestra
That way a dinosaur’s voice breaks,
But only for a second

Just like the choir song
‘Joy to the World’ from ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’
I wish I could be hearing and feeling the joy
And singing songs
I know that I can sing a song

And I would love to sing a song
About the day that I kissed her
Like a cool breeze on a summer's day,
It would keep on going on

I know that I can sing a song
I know that I can sing a song
I know that I can sing a song
And I know that I can sing a song
I know that

A DEBT by William Griffin

Lorenzo was a friend of mine
We didn't always see eye to eye
But he was a pretty good friend to me

Until one day that I noticed
That he'd given me his voice
And now his voice is in my head
Whispering things about things he said
And about some things he did

So maybe I'm doing the same thing
Maybe I'm doing something bad
But it feels so good to be the one
Who caused it all to go wrong

Lorenzo betrayed me by fucking my girl
Claire, you were sweet as apple pie
You felt all alone and I couldn't bear to see
That you never opened your eyes

A FRIEND MADE ME GROW by William Griffin

Lorenzo was the friend of a girl
Who makes me feel bad
‘Cause she went and turned her back
His trunk was like his throat,
Where you could see inside
A portal to hell

And she thought he was pretty cute
And back then I believed I was in love,
I embraced a kind of craziness
I guess I owe it to Lorenzo,
Who held a mirror towards me
And in there I saw a fool
It was a friend that made me grow

YOU WERE THE REASON FOR ALL OF THIS by William Griffin

Lorenzo was a big ol' Triceratops,
A sort of prehistoric water buffalo,
With a God-awful nightmare in his throat
He went on a dangerous journey to hell
To let the devil back into our town

So I stabbed the son of a bitch in the neck
His blood squirted all over the damn place
I buried the motherfucking bastard
I thought about Claire, but...

But why should I worry about that bitch?
She thinks she can fuck with Triceratopses
She knew she would have been sorry in the end
I ain't putting up with it no more

Lorenzo didn't forgive her
He killed her too, poor Claire
Or at least I imagined he did
To forget how she stared at me then

Lorenzo fell in love with her too
Claire smiled at him so beautifully
She was a looker, could have started a war
To have someone like that to call my wife

Forget the girl, forget the snake
I put him in a tomb
And when the pressure gets too hard
I'll open it and let the big bastard out again

LET ME IN by William Griffin

The words on the page,
They are just too plain
I can't read
I have no clue what anything means

The man in the sky has sent me a plan
To prove I am insane
And I can hear the crash of the sky falling down,
Crushing me into ashes

I can hear the wail of the cries
But why can I not hear the child of divine creation
Playing with that strange man
Behind the gate?

I don't have the ears to hear his laugh
The gate is mine now
And I don't know where the hell I am going

LAZARUS by William Griffin

Your name was Lorenzo
And it's time to resurrect

When I'm awake, I'm in hell
When I'm asleep, I'm in hell

Your name was Lorenzo
You were waiting for a token
To open the portal

When my mother is crying,
I am smiling, don't you know?
My mother cries and my father smiles
My mother cries and my father smiles
My mother cries and my father smiles
My mother cries and my father smiles

How could he had the responsibility
To guard the portal to hell
With a name like Lorenzo?

And in your black hole,
Do you hear the angels' chorus?

When I am asleep, I'm in hell
When I'm awake, I'm in hell

Your name was Lorenzo
No angel nor animal will help you
What are you waiting for?

JUST A SKELETON by William Griffin

The bones in his body
Showed through his eyes
In his throat there was a portal to hell
But the portal to hell inside his throat
Stopped him from being a giant
Now he lies as a skeleton
On my pillow

LULLABIES FOR THE UNDESERVING WORLD by William Griffin

I could sing a lullaby to a dinosaur
I could sing a lullaby to the Triceratops
With the portal to hell in his throat
I could sing a lullaby to my sixteen years old neighbor,
Who used to be there,
And couldn't read nor write

Come on my way to play basketball
With the ancient astronauts
Come on my way to play baseball
With the dinosaurs
Come on my way to play hockey
With the cyclops
Come on my way to see the Triceratops
With the portal to hell in his throat

You can kiss my hairy, hairy ass
While I'm playing with the dinosaurs
I'll kiss yours
So kiss mine, if you want to
I'll kiss yours and yours too
Yeah

LORENZO IS NO MORE by William Griffin

All I remember of you is you'd look into my eyes
And you'd ask what I wanted
And I'd say, "I want to go to heaven"
You were the Devil's child,
Filled with this hatred for me
I could feel it, it was no secret
I could see it in your eyes and in your rage
With your tears as well as your laughter
I could see you were truly evil
The blood running down the side of your beak
Your hands full of death, your wrath was terror
You took my innocence, you stole my childhood
You contaminated my heart

But you are no longer here,
And I’ll see you in hell

EVERYBODY HATES by William Griffin

Everybody hates, yeah, everybody hates
Except for some idiots, yeah, everybody hates
They hate the heroes, yeah, everybody hates
Some say "Hate the rich”, yeah, everybody hates
Sugar and spice and everything nice, yeah, everybody hates
They hate the geeks, yeah, everybody hates
All the old people, yeah, everybody hates
All the kids, yeah, everybody hates
I hate the whole fucking thing

The way you must be feeling, baby,
Your daddy was gone too soon
But I do believe in hell, I do
In my dreams He tells me all about it
I hear the angels, how they shout
And the babies keep on crying,
And the sun is sinking

Well, I know I'm a little weird, yeah,
But I'm harmless, yeah,
I harbor the beginning of the end
And I'm not gonna last very long

I HOPE I DIE SOON by William Griffin

I am seventeen years old
I am a monster and an animal
I live in a mirror
And that’s my home
I will hunt you down
And make you suffer
I’ll tear your heart apart
And then eat it

INSIDE HIS SHELL by William Griffin

Lorenzo could have stayed
A creature of the Earth
But the fiery heart that burns within him
Could not be so restrained
He was twisted like a prison cell
And tortured by the fears in his head
He hid in his shell so no one could see
His pain and torment
He was not meant to be like this,
He was meant to be left alone
He needed help, but no one could help him
Who knows how to treat a goddamned dinosaur
They were all supposed to be dead

There's no hope, there's no hope
There's no hope, there's no hope
There's no hope, there's no hope

WHY HAVEN’T I DIED YET? by William Griffin

In his secret diary, Lorenzo wrote
"Griffin, my body is a fortress of reason"

From the sky full of stars above
A silver rain pours inside
Though I’m just seventeen
Claire's gone, she's gone too

I could have told him, but he’d never listened
Maybe he'll listen when I'm finished
It's so strange, how could he have
Left a girl who wasn't finished?

PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! by William Griffin

I am locked inside my mind
I am losing the flow of my thoughts
And I need someone to save me

I was taken to a doctor but he wouldn't help me
I need a scientist, a shaman or a preacher
Tell me how to escape this
Alone and dumbly, lying alone in the night

I am crying and I am crying and I am shaking inside
I am trembling, I am shaking and I can't hide my hate
I am crying, crying, crying, crying and I can't hide my hate
I can't escape this!

Well, yes I can!
I'm gonna die anyway
I'm gonna die anyway
I'm gonna die anyway

EXTINCT LIKE YOU by William Griffin

I am ill, this I know
My heart is sick and my head rotten
I'm here on earth today
‘Cause it is Saturday
And all of a sudden I see it clear
I see that it is too late

All of the things I had wanted to do,
Would not have made a difference
Had them once and never again
I am sick of wanting it to be different

I'd die to be just where I am
But in a land of plenty
There is no fear in this journey

I would die to be like Lorenzo
At least I think I would
Everyone must die
So why don't I follow him?

DIE A VIRGIN by William Griffin

I can't die a virgin
I wish I had a pistol
I'd shoot myself
And die a martyr

I'm in love with this girl
Someday she will look at me
The same as I look at her

I know that my time's up
And that I'll die a virgin
Just like God

Someday I'll meet her,
But it won't be today
I hope that she's standing
In a black and white photo
With her hand on her chest
Waiting to hear me whisper
"I love you"

Someday I'll marry her
And we'll be together
And when we're old
And frail and lonely
We'll talk and she'll say
"Tell me again"

"I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you"

But I didn't love her enough
I'll die a virgin

WHERE HELL’S FIRE BURNS by William Griffin

I know where hell's fire burns,
In a place where everyone goes
I know the gates are closed,
But who knows for how long

I feel like hell's on the inside
Why was I born to suffer this?
Was I spat here to stand this pain?

I know the path is long,
And that I will die someday
Hell is all around
‘Cause I'm stuck, trapped
In a hell with no escape

Here's to Lorenzo, who was a Triceratops
With a hell portal in his throat

FIREFLY BUMBLEBEE by William Griffin

Hear it on the hilltops of the east
Those wondrous portals
Opening to a crystal labyrinth
Inside my head

What then goes into the nothing?
I’ll give you the portals
They open to a jumbled rose field
You tell me if it is the cloud of Eden

A great fiery pillar
Going nowhere and coming from nowhere
Lorenzo and Claire with Him
As I swing the peephole closed
Heaven is now on the move

REST IN MY BLUE SUIT by William Griffin

Lorenzo sat on the hill of flame
And opened the door to hell
Two souls escaped with wings of fire
Both headed out of here

Someday I'll make it to that far shore
Where eagles fly on the smell of earth
I'll sit and rest in my blue suit
The memories will blur and fade to the wind

Lorenzo will sit with his eyes upon me
On the grass ignited with flames
And as I’ll shove my hand down my throat
I’ll recall the day he took you from me

I yearn for my soul to burn
And your spirit to land upon my hand
As I wait in the dark

WILLIAM GRIFFIN’S DEATH SONG by William Griffin

Will swallowed a cancer,
His asshole was full of pythons
He swallowed an earthquake,
And the stars fell to their knees
He swallowed a goddamn volcano
And threw up an avalanche
He swallowed it all
And it almost choked him to death

In his throat, a dark-red portal to a land
Where damned souls roam free
Stretching forever, a bridge through time
To the endless void of the Abyss

In this vast and desolate land of hungry monsters
He will face His executioner
Alone Will stands, strapped to a rock
A vengeful god shoots him with a flamethrower
And burns him alive

He's burning like a chicken
His flesh is sizzling
Burnt wood, burning steak
He dies
Hell burns, hell's walls collapse
He dies again,
Once, twice, thrice

He dies
It's over
He's dead

WELL, SHIT by William Griffin

Lorenzo was a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
Claire was a self-righteous fifteen years old
That has never been to school
She did not want to love me,
Although I did the best I could

I am a young man, but my fate
Is clear as a blackboard
Lorenzo was a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
I would have been the size of a dinosaur
When I grew up
I cannot change my past,
Don’t want to heave these mistakes

And my final words,
Written before my tragic death,
Are:

Well, shit
I’m seventeen,
And I loved her,
So there’s that

William got no answer from Claire Javernick before he died. Will therefore died a miserable little teenage boy. He had a beautiful mom, a wonderful sister, and a step-father who didn’t love him as much as he should have. But in the end he lost his two friends.

Before Claire Javernick died in a car crash on December 14, 2019, she wrote a poem about William, which she never titled.

I was walking in the snow
With a boy named William
He was my neighbor in our street
He was born on the 6th of May
One night he called me crying
He was only fourteen years old

I felt scared
And never so alone
I looked at the sky for an answer
His sister took away his songs
I’ll never forget him
And I’ll never forget him
And I’ll never forget him

Claire also wrote about a tree which is located in the forest in Vermont.

William Griffin died on April 6, 2009. His story remains unfinished, and his lyrics continue to be discussed on William Griffin’s official website, which is run by his sister.

It was a dark night for Triceratops. Nobody around him lightened the mood. As he walked, he found himself surrounded by horrible birds, alive and dead. He was worried about finding a place to sleep, because all the good spots were taken. He also needed to eat if only to fill an emptiness in his throat that he hadn’t felt before.
“Well, what am I to do?” Lorenzo asked for input to the sky.
He didn’t like it when the guy in the sky didn’t answer. For some reason He thought that He could get away with that.
But then God said to him, “Look at your right side.”
The Triceratops looked at his right side, which had never seemed so red. A warmth was going up from his legs. He felt he was going crazy.
The next thing he knew, he was lying on his side in a field of sleeping sheep, all of them facing the sky and snoring. Everything was getting redder and redder. Then the sound of snoring stopped and even the wind got quiet.
Lorenzo looked around the field until he spotted some people with their bodies covered in red. They were walking towards the group of sleeping sheep, and one of the people was staring at the Triceratops. The next thing Lorenzo knew, he was flying along with the group of red men. He soared above the rolling hills, but he wasn’t enjoying it, because he thought he was going to die.
“That’s great,” he thought. "All this redness and pain, just to die by getting covered in sheep crap."
The more he thought about dying, the more it scared him, because he was quite sure that he would end up in hell. The Triceratops cried a little.
Some of the sheep got up and looked at the Triceratops and his red eyes, and beautiful red hair, and beautiful red skin.
The Triceratops continued flying around and around and around, until he heard the sound of a human voice. It sounded a little like his friend William Griffin, but different. Lorenzo landed on a large rock. The sheep had all gathered around a human being, and they were staring at him with sad, worried faces.
Lorenzo walked over to the sheep. He wanted to say something, but his throat hurt so bad that he could barely speak, and he knew that if he did speak, it would sound as if he were dying.
Then the human being said, "I have been given the gift of eternal life. I have been given the gift of seeing and experiencing the world. I have been given the gift of being surrounded by living things that love me and care about me."
The human being laid down, and the sheep started running around him. Then he said, "I was a human once, until I was judged and separated from God, and because I was considered unworthy, I was sent to be in the place of living things, and I am to be around them to teach them about God, and how to become more like God, and live a godly life. And I am to help them find their way back home, back to God. And when they die, they are not supposed to become dead, so that there is no fear of death. They are supposed to be pure and innocent, so that they can face God without fear of condemnation."
The Triceratops became concerned, and he said, "I am a Triceratops, and I am innocent and pure, and I have never lived among sheep." He gave it more thought. “I can understand being around sheep, but living among them? I am not innocent and pure like them, so I will be judged, condemned and sent to hell. How could they be pure and innocent if they are like me?”
And then he remembered what he knew about God, and he felt sorry for the people that they will judge and condemn, because they will have no one to help them when they die. And he thought about his friend, who died young, and who was, like him, judged and condemned and sent to hell. And he thought about his loved one, who can't read nor write, who is stuck with animals, because no one has ever shown her that she is important to God. And he remembered the times that he would try to tell his friend William Griffin what he was told to teach, and how Lorenzo himself never understood a single thing that he was told to teach. And he realized that no matter what, he had a choice, and that this would never happen again.
"I will choose to love God. I will choose to live among sheep. I will choose to be in the place of living things. And I will choose to help them know God and to live a godly life, and if I fail and I go to hell, I have no problem with that, because I have chosen to love God and live among sheep. And because of the choice I have made, I will never be sent to hell, and because of the choice I have made, I will know eternal life, because I have chosen to love God, and to live among sheep. And because of the choice I have made, I am no longer the same person I was when I started."
The Triceratops started walking away from the group of sheep, and he told himself that he would choose to love God and live among sheep, and he would help them find their way back home, and he would make a place for himself where he would always be with the sheep. And he told himself that when he died, he would be purified, because he had chosen to love God, and he would be given the gift of being around sheep, and he would be purified, because he had chosen to live among sheep.
The group of sheep that had started walking with Triceratops followed him as he made his way back to the place where he and his friend, who had died, had stayed. And the place where he and his friend had stayed was back in the world of the living, the world of beauty and darkness, where there is light and dark, sunshine and shadow.

THE END

Odes To My Triceratops, Pt. 2 (GPT fueled short)

NOTE: This version is outdated. Follow the link below for the current one.

Link for this short on my personal page, where it looks better

---

Claire got a little lonely on the night of September 20th, 2007, when a letter written by her mother on a yellow post-it jumped out of her mailbox onto the lawn, causing Claire to run out of her house without her shoes on. As mentioned, the letter was from her mother, Mary, who had accidentally fallen down a well. However, she was now standing in Claire’s lawn. The girl was the only person that could see her mother. Mary had planned for her daughter to die a slow, painful death. She shot a bullet into Claire’s heart, but the heart was already broken, which caused the bullet to break instead.

Nobody would help Claire, so she decided to get a rifle, a bow and arrows, and a dildo. She ended up having sex with her rifle, then killing a turtle she was hunting with her dildo, after she failed to kill a variety of small animals.

Claire never revealed that the yellow post-it said that her parents would try to join her in Hell. When she read that, she immediately ran back home to get a sledgehammer. She was greeted by her deceased father and mother, who were holding hands. Claire wanted to smash their heads together, but then William knocked on her door. He invited her to come along with the Triceratops to a party at their home.

PLAN FOR A RENEGADE by William Griffin

First things first, I wanna talk to you about
Things like war, motherhood, fatherhood, and fatherhood
Anyway, there's only a verse about my friend
See, Lorenzo has a mission that his parents planned
Gotta shoot a renegade Deinonychus, he's a chupacabra
Hell's Gate-a-ray, his parents are sending him down to hell

"Okay, this is going to sound too crazy
Hell's Gate-a-ray, ole-yeter. Uh-unh"
Lorenzo asks, "What was that, Gramps?"
"Shut up, you son-of-a-gun. Next, I'm tellin' you the truth,
We're gonna build a missile out of your heart, 'cause, um,
You, uh, you ain't, uh, been an angel, but, you know,
You'll repent and, uh, uh, don't let the devil tempt you, boy
An old fart like me, I know"

CRUISIN’ WHILE HORNY by William Griffin

My friend Lorenzo is a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
He would drive around for hours on end
Trying to find some chicks
Where did you get that car?
I don’t even have one

Every day he's doing this
Dude, I'm worried about him
This whole thing is getting out of hand
When I told Lorenzo I was scared for him
He shrugged his shoulders and said, "My bad"

CANCER AND VIRGINS by William Griffin

Our souls are connected
To our bones and our flesh
But to me Claire could only exist
On the surface

Lorenzo is half metal
And half stone
He's like a newly launched gunship
On the inside we're alike
Cancer and virgins

But because he is a killer,
Lorenzo is a strange boy

My sister has an iron fist
And keeps screaming in envy
We’re more the same than we are different

I hate to touch a hand that’s metallic
She hates to kiss a mouth that’s metal
But deep down we’re the same
We are born to murder

Although the relationship between the trio of friends was becoming strained, Claire and William grew closer to the extent that he eagerly transcribed the poems that she gave birth to.

TO OLD AMERICA by Claire Javernick

This boy can keep me up to date
And help me fix what's wrong
I'll take him to old America
He'll show me the way

This boy can keep me up to date
His face speaks of new understanding
And it's my spirit that he surrounds
I think I could live in his love

EYES CLOSED by William Griffin

I'll never forget the first time we met,
'Cause something in your eyes
Made me want to try to touch your soul
It's such a shame how your eyes are always closed

There's a place that's hidden deep inside your soul
And if you knew the way to find it
We could be lost in love forever

When we find that, then we'll find what's within
And everything that we're searching for
Will come true like the stars in the sky,
And the places on the ground

LORENZO, NO by William Griffin

Lorenzo, no
I could tell you so many things,
but you're never gonna
hear them

So go back to your cave
And think on life,
And you'll find it's so much better
Than what you think

MONSTER WITH A HELLMOUTH by William Griffin

Lorenzo doesn't just have
A Triceratops hellmouth,
He also has a murderous monster head
Made of chromium steel

He can sing,
Not just dance,
But sing

I once saw him try to play a piano
With his horns

His monstrous head sings out of tune
He sounds terrifying and murderous
And whenever he sings
His hellmouth gushes dark smoke
With all sorts of demons
And monsters
And evil beings
Flooding out of his throat

He looks so frightening
When he belches out from his hellmouth
This does happen a lot
But he is friendly
Likeable,
Witty
He’s just a monster with a hellmouth
I don't know what to tell you

He kills anyone
Who stares too long
He isn't afraid
Of ghosts
Or leprechauns

We're talking about
A prehistoric killing machine
If you look at him for longer than three seconds
He’ll chomp on his prey

He is also very well endowed
It looks like a bazooka
His seed comes out of his hellmouth
In a plume
While his massive bazooka throbs
I'm not sure what nature intended
With that reproductive system

When I close my eyes I still see it

HOLD IN THERE, LORENZO by William Griffin

I see myself in you tonight, Lorenzo
You're out in the sun's fucking bright light
Drinking time
You're headed for the bottom

You're out there eating your dick
You're full of shit
Your gonads hold the world in place

You're all fucked up inside
You're done
You know we're all going to die

DON’T WANNA BE THE ONE by William Griffin

Just look at how you’ve changed,
You don’t even look like yourself any more
Clothes are hanging on you,
Your hair is a mess,
It looks like something’s wrong with you

Lorenzo

I don’t wanna be the one
To tell you the truth
But I think that I should be the one
To tell you the truth
I don’t like the way you’re acting
Oh Lord, please help me
So it’s true what they say

I love you, and I know you care for me
Just tell me why you always treat me bad
I can’t stand you any more
And I really don’t think that it’s fair

I don't like the way you're acting
Oh Lord, please help me
So it's true what they say

I don't wanna be the one
To tell you the truth
But I think that I should be the one
To tell you the truth

ODD PARADOX by William Griffin

We're losing control
Somehow I have to make it stop
As far as I'm concerned
I've got myself a stinker

I'm obsessed
And nothing I do
Seems to please him
He feels that I hate him
And he's right, so
Could I really blame him?

It's an odd paradox
The world's a funny place
I guess he'd prefer
If I was killed
Right here and now

That seems to me
Extremely ungrateful
But that's just the way it is

NOTHING LEFT TO SAY by Claire Javernick

I can't read or write, so I don't have anything to say
But still I like talking to you
Sometimes when I go into your mouth
You taste like a cookie
And you smell like the ocean

I've seen plenty of kids just like you
When I am there,
They don't say anything
And I know they don't listen,
But it doesn't matter because
There's nothing left to say

THE SAME AS IT IS NOW by William Griffin

Don’t shut the portal to hell,
Don’t close the portal to hell
Don’t be afraid of what I tell you
Or you’ll end up down that well
It will be dark and it will be cold
And it will be you
No! It’ll be the same as it is now
Except with a lot of kids singing songs
About things that go boom

AFRAID OF HIS DICK by Claire Javernick

Dude, dude,
Try not fuck with him, 'cause he's a goddamned
Mammoth Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat
And a dick like a spear
He won't let you go, and he will follow you
All the way to the end of your life
But in the meantime he won't let you die,
‘Cause he knows a lot of stuff about science

He wears a shell with a god inside
I swear, he won't let me die
He wants to kiss my vagina,
But he hates the taste of petroleum
When he bites me,
He comes off as murderous
But I can never alert the authorities,
'Cause I can't read nor write
And that’s just embarrassing

Dude, can I tell you something?
If I were to kill him,
You could write about the slaughter,
And then we could kiss,
And drink some wine
And eat some tacos
And watch a movie

FOUR-LEGGED CREATURE by William Griffin

I can't stop singing for him
He used to be the nicest person
You could talk to him or whatnot
But now, he's just like a four-legged creature
They say he's sleeping inside his throat
Because of the mistake he made

He had a kid and she's half his age
She's thinking what a monster he must be
You know what the sad part is
I can't stop singing for him

He used to be the nicest person
You could talk to him or whatnot
But now, he's just like a four-legged creature

I'll be honest, it seemed like he had a condition
When he used to be able to stand
And roam around the house like a person would
When he walked, you could swear he had arms
And you thought of what could have been

When you look at things like that
I can't stop singing for him
He used to be the nicest person
You could talk to him or whatnot
But now, he's just like a four-legged creature

LORENZO IS ACTUALLY GOD by Claire Javernick

Lorenzo, he's a Triceratops, he can spit on my wall
He's covered in mucus, but that doesn't bother me
To be his love requires a transformation

Lorenzo, they say he don't wanna talk
What am I to do?
How would I tell him how I feel?
It's like a game with me and him

We play hide-and-seek, but I find him every time
It's true, though, he does have a portal to hell in his throat
You know I love him from the inside
That's where the love is felt

Lorenzo's got a portal to hell in his throat
He said he went to a concert once and he shouted too much
My friend was a Triceratops who got eaten in hell
I'm his friend, of course I know it and I know it well

Lorenzo has a portal to hell in his throat
I’m saying it so there’s no doubt
Listen to my words and only hear me
I'll be the serpent and you'll be the spider

God is not an ideal type of character
He's not some ultimate model, he's just a man
That's why he's so cool and non-principled
He's not ideal like you, he's a man

His substance is an average man's substance,
His path is a man's path, he's real, not symbolic
The Triceratops I spoke of is just a symbol of God
He doesn't exist

His eyes are brown, but who cares?
His eyes are brown, they're like mine
His horn is bent down, but I don't care
His horn is bent down, just like mine

CRETACEOUS RAZOR by Claire Javernick

Somewhere at the end of the black and blue
A yellow rose falls from the sky
Lorenzo’s throat is stuffed with joy and hope
His heart is a lighthouse in the dark
His love is a fast-flowing fountain of thought

It's a hell of a way to live and love
It's the difference between life and death
To know the feeling of a dino’s claws
He'll shred you to the size of a cactus

Some may find the signs of wisdom
Lorenzo can't understand anything from them
But his warm and kind stories
May make you love life more than death

A razor from the Cretaceous that cuts the sun
He'll make your hat more than seven feet tall
The curve of his horns is erotic
He's an angel in the blackest of hells

STOP FUCKING MY GIRL by William Griffin

Lorenzo is a Triceratops
He has a trachea, he has a turtle shell
He can eat live prey, he'd swallow their lungs

If you knew his liver, then you'd know his scrotum
If you didn't know his liver, then you'd know his scrotum
If you had been around him, those are hard to miss

He’s like a two storey treehouse
With the bodies in the lower level
He'd get drunk and fuck her in his sleep
Then kick her while they had sex

If you asked him where he was going
He'd look at you like you had three eyes
If you told him where he was going
He'd just call you a liar

He would just turn around and wave
Like he was going somewhere
If you were wondering
Well, you better be wondering

She was a charming fifteen
Going on twenty four
He'd sometimes touch her skin
And her body would melt

DON’T CARE NO MORE by William Griffin

Someone needs the rest
And if it's me,
I won't care
I don't need anything else
I don't need love,
I don't need
The girl that I'm in love with

The girl that I'm in love with
Just forget that girl
Maybe I'll be able to live without her
I'll live without her

I'll leave her, maybe
I'll leave her, maybe
I won't
I can't live without her

She's the girl that I'm in love with
Just forget that girl
Maybe I'll be able to live without her

I'm about to leave her
Maybe
Maybe I won't
I can't live without her

She's the girl that I'm in love with

Come,
Run away
Or be run
Away by you

STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN by William Griffin

His name is Lorenzo, I think it sounds like a brand
There's a portal in his throat and it’s quite unclean
But he calls it heaven, where they hang all the dead
I was just a little kid but I heard the screaming and dying
They all fly out through the portal in his throat

He takes ahold of my hand and he talks in Spanish
"It's called love, but you wouldn't understand"
And he's running towards my school with a bomb
That blows up the school and our town and our home
Hence the ‘heaven’ part of the title

TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN by William Griffin

The actual lady, Claire,
Is in love with the beast
She's trapped in his throat,
Bound by a curse

I can save her, but not myself,
'Cause the beast won't just take one girl
How many animals do you need to own,
Once you get to the top of the food chain

We are like the sheep that go out to pasture
Like the livestock in a private hell
You are a tyrant to the core
No remorse for your cruelty

I wish I could pretend
That you never existed
But now I will pretend
That I care for you
When the day comes
You will know that the world is ending
You will have no place to run to
You will have nowhere to hide

WHAT CAN I SAY by William Griffin

Oh, Lorenzo, my friend, what can I say?
I never liked you when we were young
You had a face that was a million years old
The door to hell had no handle on it

What, Lorenzo, am I supposed to tell you
To save your life? It ain't gonna happen that way
The black dog was a sign, I'm sure you know it well
But now we're standing face to face
Now the dog's a member of our family too
(It bit a woman right on the neck)

He keeps on watching me like he's trying to read my mind
It's nice to be so quiet at night
But a mother's work is never done
It's a hard life, Lorenzo, without you

Oh, Lorenzo, my friend, what can I say?
I never liked you when we were young
You had a face that was a million years old
The door to hell had no handle on it

What, Lorenzo, am I supposed to tell you
To save your life?
It ain't gonna work

HELL IS THIS WAY, TRICERATOPS by William Griffin

Triceratops
Hell is this way
Hell is this way
Hell is this way

It's ugly, filthy and expensive
Triceratops blood is the best of wines
Here in hell I play football with invisible spirits
Here in hell I kill myself with numbers

It's ugly, filthy and expensive
Triceratops blood is the best of wines
I swear I will play football with them for the rest of my life!

Triceratops, Triceratops, Triceratops
I am Triceratops, and my wife is Spartacus
Handsome or ugly, there's no difference,
My wife gives her life away for Triceratops

All that matters is playing football with invisible spirits
Triceratops, Triceratops, Triceratops
Triceratops, triceratops, triceratops

I am the fist, the wicked sword
My soul is pure, my soul is virtuous
My wife gives her life away for Triceratops

SOME WEIRD URGE by William Griffin

And after all he did,
This dino got what he deserved

I saw the tears in his eyes

He will never smile again,
That bloody demon

To satisfy some weird urge,
I cut up some of his flesh
And ate chunks of my friend
How sick is that

AROUND MY TONGUE by William Griffin

The devil lives inside my throat
Lorenzo gives a high pitched shriek
Nerve clusters, boogers, tobacco juice
And you think I'm insane
In my sleep I hear a voice
Lorenzo with the devil in his throat
It's around my tongue
When I try to scream I feel
The devil inside my throat

TO HER BEDROOM DOOR by William Griffin

You wouldn't believe this fella if I told you his tale
He met this girl, a girl who wouldn't give a damn
Well, the girl led him to her bedroom door

Through the portal I heard the chorus
My mind is racing
My thoughts are twisted
I'm forced to run so I can hide
Now I'm panicking like a damn jackrabbit

There's no escape
There's no escape
There's no escape

I can hear the devil's chortling
I'm no better than I've been painted
I'm the very definition of a born-again Christian
I'm a born-again Christian since the day he died

Yeah the devil's gonna get you, gon' get you, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Odes To My Triceratops, Pt. 1 (GPT fueled short)

NOTE: this version is outdated. Follow the link below for the current one.

Link for this short on my personal page, where it looks better

---

As the boy's loved ones feared, on April 8, 2009 the Santa Cruz County Coroner ruled the 17-year-old's death a suicide. His name, William Griffin, didn't mean anything yet to the public at large.

On April 16, 2009, at the funeral in Watsonville, William Griffin's parents Lisa and Ken welcomed two strange new visitors to their family's life: the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog along with his wife Angela. Many have seen this as a sign of fate, but the Griffins did not. And a few days later, on April 21, 2009, William's mother Lisa was brutally murdered.

William Griffin lived in a rough inner-city suburb in Grand Rapids, MI. When he was ten he got accidentally sucked into a TV during the sitcom called ‘Garfield’. The episode in question featured a new character, the Triceratops named Lorenzo (Triceratops being a large, sharp-toothed, three-horned dinosaur). William therefore met not only the major characters of the ‘Garfield’ series, but also the aforementioned Triceratops named Lorenzo, who would end up exiting the TV along with the boy and becoming another member of his family. Out of respect for William Griffin’s passing, the episode where Lorenzo the Triceratops was introduced didn’t air until about a year after William died.

The surviving family wished to leave behind painful memories, but as they hurried to move they discovered William’s treasure trove of poems and cassette tapes. William’s step-father Ken made them available to the public. It didn’t take long for the lives of not only Will, but also his neighbor Claire Javernick and William’s best friend, the Triceratops named Lorenzo, to come into focus as they were featured in documentaries.

The following texts were composed by a fourteen years old William, some as lyrics for his songs, others as simple poems, or both.

LORENZO by William Griffin

He has a small black mouth
Like a bottom
His skin is brown
Like a beet
His horns are round
Like a pepperoni pizza
He's just twelve
He's just eleven
He's just my best friend
My favorite friend
He's just twelve
He's just eleven
But he's also twelve

His horns are round
Like a pepperoni pizza
And they grow in the middle
And they're as big as cans
They're aching for a fight
He's just eleven
He's just ten
He's just my best friend
My favorite friend
He's just eleven

LEMONADE AND WILLIES by William Griffin

Lorenzo is so proud and tall
He walked by me at the school gate
He pointed at me and said,
"I am a triceratops. I am so cool!"

A ponopodon is what he found inside his throat
He swallowed it and out came light
He gave me another ponopodon and said, "Have a bite!"
But the ponopodon was horrible
And it bit me
And gave me the willies

MY FRIENDO LORENZO by William Griffin

Lorenzo is a triceratops
He eats clams and lobsters
Laughing crocodiles and lions of hell
He's eating me to bits
Mister fish, he's eating me
Lorenzo is a triceratops
In the basement of his throat
Inside of hell
You will find a baby doll

BETTER DEAD THAN BLIND by William Griffin

My friend's name is Lorenzo
He’s a three-headed Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat

When I'd sit around and play
I'd play my guitar
And he'd come over and sit down by me
I'd play a song

My neighbor she is a blind girl
And she can't read nor write
We are just like friends
We'd sit on her front porch and talk

While I sat on her front porch and talked
She said her name was Claire
And she said her daddy and mommy died
And she said she'd rather be dead than blind
Then she went into her house

I said, what was that?
Then she came out and asked me
If I'd like to go home with her
I said, what the hell?
I said, what was that?
She said her daddy and mommy died
She went in and closed her door

I said, what the hell?
I said, what was that?
She said her daddy and mommy died
She went in and closed her door
Closed her door

CLAIRE WITH A C by William Griffin

Me and my friend Lorenzo left on a motorbike
Toward the woods of the North
We lived in a house
Filled with all the old books

Claire (Claire with a C) lives next door
Lorenzo (who's a Triceratops) with his green eyes,
Purple skin and parrot-red hair
I'm William, fourteen years old
I can read and write, I'm terrified of my sister
(We have the same mother, our father is deceased)

Claire (with a C) she can’t read and she can't write
I don't think she knows how to shave
Lorenzo (who's a Triceratops) takes care of our parents
Claire (Claire with a C) never comes to our house
She eats everything in her mama's pantry

Lorenzo (who's a Triceratops) drinks blood to eat
We watch Stephen King movies every Saturday
On our projector screen

Claire reads scary stories to me
Or she’s making them up because she can’t read
I found out Claire is a vampire
I couldn’t care less

FAIRY TALE TOO REAL TO BE by William Griffin

Claire is Claire is Claire
She walks and talks and wears a dress
Claire’s a fourteen years old
Fairy tale too real to be

Lorenzo is Lorenzo is Lorenzo
With a portal to hell inside his throat
Lorenzo is the Devil’s spawn,
Is the beast that does not eat

It’s hard to describe Lorenzo
What a stunning day that was,
The day Lorenzo came to us,
Came to us from God above

Lorenzo is sweet and sappy,
Has a voice that chimes like the bells
Lorenzo’s tongue is sweet like honey
Lorenzo lives on old tobacco leaves

I AM YOUR STEGOSAUR by William Griffin

I am a Stegosaur and so is you
A piece of me in every creature,
Like you and him and all the people
We all have a heartbeat
And a soul inside

We like you, Claire
And since we're here we might as well be glad
And say a prayer, for just because you're blind
You don't have to be stuck in a place
Where there's nothing to see

There's lots of beautiful things in the world
Lots of beautiful people
You're one of them

When the sun comes out,
The grass shakes off its dander
When it rains, the clouds roll in and out
The mountains and the rivers
The sky and the earth
The stars and the planets
One big beautiful living organism
Beauty never dies
We will never see each other die

The color's gone from your eyes
But not your heart

FOR CLAIRE, WHO CAN’T READ by William Griffin

You know, you're the special one
The one who took a gander
You're the love of my life
And you're a girl that's cute
She's just fourteen years old
And the words we write together
That I write I mean
Because she can’t read
Are nothing but lies

She's seen the future
And the past is past
I said to her, "Don't forget your roots"
Because I learned you gotta grow
So you ain't no bigger than a matchstick
But you still got your roots

A girl, she's got a good heart
She's just fourteen years old
And the words we write together
That I write I mean
Because she can’t read
Are nothing but lies

You know you're the special one
The one who took a gander
You're the love of my life
And you're a girl that's cute
She's just fourteen years old
And the words we write together
That I write I mean
Because she can’t read
Are nothing but lies

And we only make each other up
Never gonna be the truth
So you know that you're the special one
The one who took a gander
You're the love of my life

MY NEIGHBOR, THE DRAGON by William Griffin

Hello, my name is William
My best friend, I've known him all my life,
He is called Lorenzo
I'm not sure how to pronounce it,
Since he talks with horns

I'm writing this letter to Claire, she is my beloved,
I love her with all my heart
My love is deep and everlasting
She's beautiful
She is the smartest girl I have ever known
She's fourteen,
With hair of pink,
Skin of chocolate,
And eyes of grey
She's a dragon,
Instead of a Triceratops
With a portal to hell inside his throat

Every morning she wakes up on the couch
In her underwear
She grabs her backpack
And walks in the direction of school
I’ve never seen her there
I call her a dragon
Because she’s not a Triceratops
And her lunchbox is inside her throat

Her name is Claire
She has black hair
Her skin is golden
And her wings are purple

LET ME EAT YOUR STUFF by William Griffin

Claire, so beautiful
With such a sweet smile
Even at 14
She's in love with me
We spend every minute
Like lovers do
She takes me to a place
Where no one can see us

I saw her first!
It was last Thursday
In my backyard
When I was doing chores
And I saw my friend Claire
For she was standing there
She was so beautiful
Such a beautiful smile
And I just couldn't resist

She made me this toast
With strawberry jam and butter
And made me some cookies too
Sweet cookies I've never had
I ate all of her food
Even her share
I watched as her eyes
Lit up like a candle

PART GOLDFISH by William Griffin

She must've been part goldfish and part salt lick
Because she could swallow letters and numbers

My friends told me they had seen her pet goldfish grow
Just six inches long, it could read and write

She carried a paperback to school in her backpack
The letters and numbers had traveled through her mouth

Other kids wondered why she couldn't read and write
Even though her eyes were clearly dead

She would just say that's alright to all of her friends
'Cause I can read and write, that's my only friend

Claire is gone and I miss my beloved friend
Because she has her eyes open just for me

BELOVED LOVER by William Griffin

Her skin is white as paper
Like a pearl
Her body is flawless
And she's just fourteen
But she's already so much
She's the love of my life
She can't read
She can't write
She's just fourteen
She's so much more
And she's my favorite day
My favorite friend
My favorite day

NO MAGIC POTION by William Griffin

Triceratops, I love you more than anything
(But I'm the only one who sees your white behind)
All the girls adore you
And they want to touch you

Claire, if you want to, you can have me
For I'm not ashamed
I hope you’re not ashamed

Triceratops, there's no magic potion
To chase off
Those lonely feelings

Claire, there's no such thing as eternal bliss
Or a hell of aces
Only eternal regrets

WAIT ABOUT A MONTH FOR LOVE by William Griffin

It's not like my heart has ever been full
In all my life
Until I met your two eyes
It's a matter of fact that I'd like to have you
And that I'd take any length of time
I'd take it all if it means
I can lay my head on your breasts

But what would I think, if you should tell me
That you'd prefer if I didn't come at all
Can I tell you how scared I was, how scared I've been
Every time I thought about you
My step-father told me don't play around,
Go for what's worth having
He said when a man has a real woman
He's got to wait a while
He said it was about a month

I asked my step-father, what do I owe to you
He said the man who says I ought to settle for I love you
Is the man who can't make me quit
I asked my step-father, what am I missing
He said, there is a place where the most evil men are
And they just laugh at us down here on earth

And what's going on in heaven, I don't know

HELPLESS AND PURE by William Griffin

Claire's a girl so helpless
Claire is blind
Claire's a girl so pure
Claire is blind
This love won't end in pain

PLEASE, PLAY WITH MY GUITAR by William Griffin

Claire's really a sweetheart
As pretty as a picture
She just doesn't wanna get wet
But wait and see

She's a human,
But what's behind
That painted
Fake face

If Claire had eyes
She would look into mine
I'd let her see

I'll teach her to read and write
I'll teach her how to play
With my guitar

This is from William's diary:

So I look at Lorenzo and I'm just mad 'cause he's gross. All I know is that he has the Mark of the Beast inside his throat. When he laughs it's rancid and crumbly and when he cries it's just creepy. Lorenzo's ugly and he makes me afraid. When he's with me, he uses his fist as a piano. I try to pretend that I don’t care when he stares at me like that. Deep down inside, I wish that he would leave me alone, but every day when I look up, he's there. Lorenzo is worse than a dog, because he can think as well as show his affection. Now he leaves pictures on my pillow every morning. I can smell him.

THE BURNING HEART INSIDE YOUR THROAT by William Griffin

We'd go underground in a coffin
Dressed all in black
We would hug and kiss the stars
With our heads in a casket
And in her worst dreams
We would dance in the dark

Lorenzo wears a Jesus apron
Claire's belly button is her heart
Now he's missing his eye
My fault

Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

I'm shaking off the free rays of dying stars
I am trembling at the breath
Of the burning heart
That's inside your throat

Like time, like the cosmos
This eternity with a physical body
Will one day become a tear
In the eyes of the deepest heart

I know you're in my head
I know you are alive
I'm shaking off the free rays of dying stars
I am trembling at the breath
Of the burning heart
That's inside your throat

Oh aah, hey aah aah
Hey aah, aah, aah, hey aah
Oh aah, hey aah aah
Hey aah, aah, aah, hey aah

We'd go underground in a coffin
Dressed all in black
We would hug and kiss the stars
With our heads in a casket
And in her worst dreams
We would dance in the dark

Oh

I know you're in my head
I know you are alive
I'm shaking off the free rays of dying stars
I am trembling at the breath
Of the burning heart
That's inside your throat

'Girls Are Made For Walking' by The Huntmasters

Hot women and crazy girls turn on everything
I'm in love with hot women and I'm addicted to girls
Crazy women and girls are like cigarettes
I can never get enough

I've never understood the attraction
between girls and guys

Girls of the '80s
Sweet little girls
All the '80s chicks
Possibly crazy chicks
I'm guessing crazy chicks

Went to my local shopping centre
This girl came right to me
Had some light coloured jeans
"Do you want to look around?"
"OK, sure"

The next day at work
She came right to me again
Had some blue and white stripy socks
"Can I show you around?" I asked her
"OK, sure"

And another day
Her sister came to see me
Had a red T-shirt
"Will you show me around?" she asked
"You know, I'd rather not do that"
'Cos then I'd probably get hurt

Girls of the '90s
Hot little girls
Huge things and fat things
Loud little things
Waves of blonde hair

My brother picked up this chick
She was my size
She asked, "Do you want to go to a club?"
"Yeah, sure"

We went to this place
And you'd be surprised what went on
She stripped naked
It was as if I'd known her all my life

And then she sat down next to me
Just like that
I looked at her and all I saw was jelly
I don't remember how I got to that bed

There was a girl in the pool
And she wasn't wearing any clothes
And I looked at her and the hairs on my body just stood up

Girls of the '00s
Sexy little girls
Lazy little girls
Girls with perfect teeth
I'm feeling like a king

One day I found myself
In the bar of my local shopping centre
There was a girl standing next to me
She had blonde hair
I asked her, "Do you want to go somewhere?"
"I'd rather not"
"OK"

Then I went and had a burger
And it was fantastic
"You should go out and do something," my mum used to say
"No, no, I'd rather not"

Girls of the '10s
Sweet little girls
I'll give you one thing about them
They're still sweet little girls

I'll look at a girl
And all I see is clothes
And hair and fat things
And of course... she's got a nose

On the way back to my hotel
I was walking along this street
It was a nice little street
There were cars and people
And then I noticed this girl
She had a red T-shirt

"Are you OK?" I asked her
"Yeah, I'm OK"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"
"That's alright, I don't mind"
"Would you like a drink?"
"Sure, I'd love one"

She looked at me
And she smiled
Her eyes were blue
Her teeth were nice and white
And then I looked at those cheeks
And I checked out the rest of her face

We drank this cool soft drink
We walked along a bridge
It was a really nice bridge
It was around 8 pm
And then I went back to my hotel
I never saw her again

Back in the day,
When I went out with my friends
I could always pick out the girls who wanted me
So my mum would ask,
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going with the girls"

Nowadays, I get to choose who I want to go out with
And I don't feel like I'm always on the losing end
So I don't give a shit if I'm late
Or if I don't go back home
When my friends ask, "Who did you go out with?"
I just say, "Oh, my mates"

I find girls very exciting
I just love girls, I'm a girl lover
Girls are just so pretty
I love the way they walk

Girls are made for walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking

Girls are made for walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking

Girls are made for walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking

Girls are made for walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking

Girls are made for walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls are made for walking
Walk, walk, walk, walking
Girls

The single 'Girls Are Made For Walking' was recorded as the winning entry in the 2003 "MTV Push Artist Of The Year" competition. In 2004, the song won "Best New Artist Of The Year" at the TopOfThePops.com Awards, and for four consecutive years (2005 to 2008) the song was voted number one in MTV's "Fantastic Four" contest. 'Girls Are Made For Walking' was also awarded "Single of the Year" in the 2003 NRJ Music Awards, was chosen by British Radio 1 as their "Record of the Week" and also earned "Bowler Of The Year" in the UK's Mojo Awards in 2003.

Albums
-Darkening Day (2001)
-Motionless and Invisible (2003)
-14 (2006)
-Silent Places (2012)
-Through My Eyes (2014)

Final cover for my latest novel "My Own Desert Places"

The contest for the cover of my latest novel, "My Own Desert Places", has finished, and only one nailed for me its odd tone, a mix of dark comedy, drama and supernatural.



Now that I don't have to worry about the cover any longer, I will continue with my first full-length revision of the novel, which is close to the size of 2,2 novels. Revising texts you haven't read in a while is a good way to get reminded of how stupid you are, because I average around 70 notes to change stuff by chapter. I also found three places so far in which I will need to add further details from zero. Revising the novel until I'm happy will likely take me a couple of weeks. Then I'll have to figure out how one self-publishes stuff to Amazon and the likes these days, and whether I'll need to market it somehow. What a bother.

My mood has only worsened since I stopped writing frantically every day, so I'll also need to deal with that shit.

My current favorite submission for the cover of my latest novel

With one day and eighteen hours to go in my contest for the cover art of my latest novel, "My Own Desert Places", this is by far my favorite at the moment:

Ongoing contest for the cover art of “My Own Desert Places”

I’m already in the process of revising the e-book version of my recently finished novel “My Own Desert Places”, which will remain online.

I have started the contest for talented designers to figure out what cover would be appropriate for this strange tale. You can folow the contest in the following link:

Contest for the cover art of “My Own Desert Places”

Post-mortem for "My Own Desert Places"

I have finally finished my favorite story of all I have written. It took nearly 179,000 words, which I have written frantically in slightly more than a month. If one considers the average length of a novel to be 80,000 words, this story ended up reaching the length of 2,2 novels.

The concept and the few associated notes for this one had been waiting in my archives since maybe 2013. I knew it was about a ghost who falls in love with a living woman and that possesses someone else’s fresh corpse to date her. Beyond that, I was sure of two things: the ending, which I have dreaded writing from the very first part, and that the protagonist’s new life was a mess he would need to navigate, due to how the previous owner had screwed it up.

During creative periods, I tend to come up with quite a few interesting concepts which I’m quick to write up and archive for whenever I end up using them. Sometimes my brain works in the background some more details about those stories. It just happened that most of the details that my subconscious came up with for the initial iteration of this story didn’t excite me. I pictured Asier’s life as being involved with some sort of drug ring, gambling, or some similar illegal enterprise. I believed that the story needed that kind of external pressure, because the protagonist would be focused on seducing slash deceiving the so called impact character, which in narrative terms is the character that changes the protagonist the most. However, I just wasn’t interested in figuring out how to pull off Asier’s previous life convincingly, and I had more pressing stuff to write.

However, after I finished writing my last short story, “A Poor Player”, I browsed through my notes to figure out which concept grabbed me enough this time. I figured that I could test the concept of “My Own Desert Places” for a single part and see if I enjoyed it enough. In that first part not only I fell in love with Irene’s personality, which was tremendously fun to act out, but I also thought of Asier’s particular sins which had ended up wrecking his life. I’m someone who has always had a terrible trouble connecting with others, so when I got to trust someone a little, the notion that they could betray me, and the fact that some did, ruined me significantly for future relationships. I loved the idea of Irene having to bear the burden of a behavior (serial cheating) that I despise, and it allowed to flesh out Irene’s behavior during her first life, mirroring Asier’s: the protagonist hadn’t been a cheater, because she technically never dated any of the girls she pursued, but she only cared about short-term pleasures, not thinking a bit about the long-term misery she caused not only to others but also herself. I have always avoided getting too attached to people, so performing this narrative could work out my personal issues, which is a significant part of why I have always needed to write.

In my original notes, the protagonist was a man. However, I have loved every single story involving body swaps (one of the last of those stories I’ve experienced being Shūzō Oshimi’s “Inside Mari”), so I wanted to contribute to that, and I think that the notion of a woman being in love with another woman but using a man’s body to seduce her, because that’s what the other woman is into, is inherently compelling. I knew very little about Irene when I wrote that first part in the last day of April 2021, but an inherent law of narrative is that most, or ideally all, of the symbols form a pattern that justifies why each of them is there. The symbols either complement each other or offer a distorted mirrored image of others. Usually the subconscious mind works this out in the background during the period when you are writing a full-length story, and you need to be alert and write those notes down. So Irene’s behavior could have been compared to Asier’s because that bastard needed to be a serial cheater, and Irene felt isolated and freakish and killed herself because she needed to connect with Alazne. Kateryna’s suicide was a case of mirroring: she trusted too much, was too good, but people fucked her over anyway. Ainhoa’s inability to accept whatever didn’t contribute to normality, and her implosion when she finds out ghosts are real, plays out differently in Alazne, who eagerly welcomes Kateryna’s ghost. There was also an unexpected mirroring in Kateryna’s brothers Oleksiy and Hadeon: the big brother was the tall, big one with anger issues, same as the protagonist, and Hadeon was the withdrawn person with troublesome fetishes and who loves anime, same as Alazne. I’m not sure what that means. In any case, there are tons of these symbols connected throughout the story, which I’m sure I will enjoy, or even fortify with further details, as I go through a full revision.

I write for fun, whether it involves silliness and acting out ridiculous scene concepts, or for the inherent fun of writing a compelling scene, even if it’s as depressing as they come. Because my brain doesn’t allow me to detach from my obsessions, for the time it takes me to write a full story I live vicariously through it. It feels as if I’ve constructed false memories. Related to that is the fact that Alazne’s demise has lodged a cold ache in my heart. I have always preferred imagined people to flesh and blood ones, after all, so I guess I fell in love with her along with the protagonist. Even before I wrote the first part of this story I knew how Alazne’s arc was going to end, but finally acting out those two scenes that encompass the climax of this story was one of the hardest creative endeavours I’ve gone through. Throughout this last month I tried to think of any other way it could end, but I never figured out any ending that felt more powerful and fitting.

This version of Alazne wasn’t my first iteration. After I self-published two books of novellas written in Spanish, my native language, I jumped into writing a far more complicated story that would end up having to be split into two books, not only because of the length but because its narrative allowed it. That story was about a guy who experiences hallucinations and who befriends a reclusive writer who is trying to write a novel which is barely more than fanfiction about someone she’s obsessed slash in love with. That reclusive writer was named Alazne, and was an Ukrainian refugee from Chernobyl who had been adopted by a childless local couple. There was plenty of stuff about her failing to connect with others, feeling permanently alienated, etc. Ironically, the person that Alazne was in love with was a woman. Anyway, the story was a novel within a novel, because the story that the co-protagonist was writing was also fleshed out. I ended up writing a whole first draft, a very loose one, of what should end up becoming the first book of two. Writing the second book would have required me succeeding even minimally with the two books I self-published (both for scenes involved in the narrative and because I couldn’t imagine this new story selling otherwise), but I sold close to nothing of those two books. In the end, after I finished the first draft of the last scene of that book, I realized that it hadn’t been fun. I had writen that book to work through some troubles of mine, but I wasn’t enjoying it, and I didn’t want to revise that whole novel and then handle the second one. I never reread any of those drafts.

That first iteration of Alazne was Ukrainian originally because I had that connection from high school. For a while I hung out with a guy who was blond and blue eyed, and although there are virtually none of those around in my province, I didn’t think much of it. It was strange that the guy preferred to hang out with outcasts and losers like me. One day we went to his house and it only took me glancing at his parents to realize that the guy had been adopted; his parents were tanned, dark-haired, dark-eyed, probably from the south of Spain. Then someone told me that the guy had been involved in the Chernobyl incident as a baby or a toddler, which matched his age, and that his biological parents either died or gave him up for adoption directly. I never figured out anything more about that background, not even if it was true, but it remained as a cool story for the purposes of me becoming creative with it.

Plenty of Alazne’s issues are or were mine, of course. Her musical tastes belong to me, and I also love to play the guitar. For example, during the writing of this story I became temporarily unemployed (although I’m going to be recalled for the summer), which meant I turned into a recluse except for the times that I went out to the woods to play the guitar. In my mid twenties I also was diagnosed with clinical depression, along with Asperger’s syndrome (now considered merely high-functioning autism), and for many of my earlier years I had a terrible time handling the depressive aspects. Irene’s demise, that of failing to connect with people, dropping out of college, having an abusive job (which was worse in real life) and then wanting to jump off a cliff, were mostly my background as well, except that I stepped back and went to the library.

What comes next is me going through the thirty five parts and fixing minor issues like punctuation. Then I’ll have to figure out how one puts together an epub file these days. Afterwards I’ll spend some time walking around with the digital version of my story to perform a major revision, which will likely involve adding a few descriptions here and there and strengthening symbols. When I consider that done, which might take me a couple of weeks, I’ll spend 150-200 euros to commission the cover art, and I’ll upload the digital book to Amazon and similar services. I have no fantasies that any traditional publisher would want to bother with this story, not to mention that I despise the process of selling it to people who don’t care.

I have no clue what I might write after this. Maybe I’ll try to generate a bunch of new concepts through freewriting (asking myself about my likes and dislikes, what I’m passionate about, what bothers me, what I hate, etc.). What I have always had clear is that I shouldn’t bother writing a story unless I find the concept compelling enough by itself, and even then I wouldn’t invest my energies in writing it unless the process is fun. I have started and abandoned quite a few stories because they sounded good in paper, but they simply didn’t work in practice.

In any case, if anyone is reading this and has read some of “My Own Desert Places”, I hope you got something out of it.