T.M. Haddock's Blog

Because We Already Know Who All Gon’ Be There

Knowing the genuine cordiality and friendship that formed between the Obamas and the Carters over the years (no, not Shawn and Beyoncé), I can admit to being a tad bit curious last week at not seeing our forever First Lady alongside President Obama during the official celebrations honoring the life and legacy of President Jimmy Carter.

As I watched the globally broadcasted ceremony however—which focused just as much on three of the last four American presidents actively ignoring the nation’s newly elected leader as it did on the impressive achievements of Georgia’s most multi-dimensional peanut farmer—it became apparent that our good auntie had likely been made privy to the funeral seating chart, and decided that there was no way that she was going to subject herself to the performative minstrelsy of friendly banter with the felon who spent eight years rallying a rabid fringe of racists with conjecture and lies that endangered her family.

Obviously, there has been a lot of commentary suggesting that while forced to render adult supervision during the solemn event, President Obama’s graciousness (to a geriatric curmudgeon who couldn’t define grace if Elon Musk texted the meaning to his Jitterbug phone) was more specifically centered around duty and responsibility as an alumnus of the presidency than any affinity for that man, but other strong opinions on the webosphere point to the baked in scrutiny that comes with being black—especially in seats of prominence—in America as driving the necessity for civility. The gag however, is that our good auntie has doubled down on her disappearing acts. By conveying that she won’t be spending Martin Luther King, Jr. Day at the inauguration of the 47th president of the United States, she’s made it abundantly clear that she will not be held hostage by the implied requirements imposed on former presidents, especially if they are at the sacrifice of her well won peace.

I must say this full-stop positioning is giving standard-bearer for the 92%, and I love that for her. Since leaving 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Mrs. Obama has been walking in the kind of freedom that has not only made people double take, but also marvel at her considerably less subtle demeanor while appreciating her relegation of the code switch.

And as we transition into this return to purgatory with a new supporting cast, I believe this approach to standing on business and not offering anyone a reason other than because I said so, is the type of self-preservation we should all be aspiring toward.

Transition

2024. What a wild ride, eh?

It was the year of inconsistency.
The year that I maintained just as many bad habits as good.

It was the year that things were too heavy for me.
The year that I rediscovered my strength.

It was the year of not evading love.
The year of considerable loss.

It was the year I touched African soil.
The year I cried American tears.

It was the year of honest reflection.
The year I was yet again reminded that no imposter resides here.

2025. Welcome.
I am happy to have you.
I am happy to be back.

An Aha Moment (Key Katt Takeaways)

You don’t have to be a fan of the kind of comedy that is one, Micah Katt Williams’ life’s work, nor do you have to believe any the explosive revelations and perspectives he espoused during his instant classic interview on the Club Shay Shay YouTube Podcast earlier this month in order to simply chew the meat and spit out the proverbial bones.

After more than two and a half hours of scorched earth bombardments, many people chose to unpack what they’d heard by calling into question the 52-year old’s ability to actually run a 4.3s 40-yard dash, or the plausibility of him reading 3,000 books in a year (side note: although I’ve never read more than 35 books in a single year, I think that perhaps he misspoke and meant that he’d read enough books every year of his life to have achieved the 3,000 mark in his lifetime so far; but that’s just me).

While fair critiques all things considered, I do believe that skepticism erected blinders for some, disallowing them to appreciate the many truly valuable nuggets Katt did drop that could apply to anyone’s life at any given time:


1. Who’s Side Are You On? – This is the churchy refrain I’ve heard every Sunday in one iteration or another for 30+ years, but I’d never considered it quite the way Katt proposed it. Throwing down the gauntlet early, he declared that “It’s God’s side and the other side…”

Ooop.

2. Gatekeeping Isn’t as Impactful When You Own The Gate – After naming names, the comedian discussed the debaucherous pay-t-play structure he says is established in Hollywood as a springboard for wealth, stardom and success. He also shined light on those put in place to restrict the access and success of their peers. Do with that information what you will, but the entrepreneur in me understands why Katt chooses the way of self-promotion and self-funding for the sake of his craft and integrity.

3. Birds of a Feather – I’d be doing everyone a disservice by attempting a conveyance that could never be more profound or true (philosophically) than Katt’s exact observation of Shannon Sharpe’s devil’s advocacy by noting that “you having an unnatural allegiance to losers is not like you.” Simply stated, if you aren’t a loser, you ought not be aligning with one.

With another comedic tour on the horizon, many found the interview—as compelling as it was—to be nothing more than a brilliant marketing strategy for the funny man. Still, if one took the time to truly decipher the message beneath the mettle, I believe there is a cautionary tale to consider, as well as many poignant reminders to always bet on yourself.

What’s The Point?

Along with the existential crisis that is activated at the ushering in of every new year, many people (this author included) find themselves reflecting about what was, what is to come, and what do our efforts, successes, failures, and aspirations up to this point all mean.

We are seeing almost daily, the ugliness that is humanity being elevated over basic human decency, and care and compassion lacking the desirability that power, posturing, and prominence has. When the corrupt are congratulated and we can casually swipe-left past ethnic cleansing and body counts, is it any surprise that we have a population of people wondering what’s the point of it all?

But I think that might be the point. To wonder this at all, I think one would have to identify their own inherent purpose. You know, that think that makes getting out of bed worth it. On a macro level, assertions like making the world a better place or learning from mistakes so as not to make them in the future are noble and just, but in a fallen world full of the narcissistic and perverse, this common refrain seems to hold less and less weight. Which is why I believe it is less important to ask what the point is and instead define the point.

Try as I might (as evidenced by my own advocacy, petition signing, and voting history), I may never be able to change the minds or attitudes of powerbrokers hellbent on maintaining the status quo at the expense of the marginalized, but I can identify what it is about my life that brings me joy and thus, brings joy to others. Defining those points start with centering my faith, my family, and my experiences. If I can identify ways to continually draw from each of those areas in my life despite what is happening around me, I am more likely to have a solidified base that keeps me grounded when this world is wall-sliding on its axis.

Allow Me to Reintroduce…

Can you guess the pair? They are ancillary to my current project, but I am so enjoying seeing them come to life right before my eyes. Theirs is definitely a wild ride!

Not Every Woman

The words of Chaka and Whitney are indeed iconic, but today I reject the notion of everlasting and selfless resiliency in a melanated shade of Studio Fix NC45.

Respectfully.

From a young age, singing this decades old ode to feminine dynamism that embodies the notion of doing all, being all, and giving all has aided greatly in my complete indoctrination into strong, black womanhood. Now don’t get me wrong; I am a strong black woman, but I grew up believing that that was the only kind of black woman there was.

I mean, after my parents separated and later divorced, my mother worked two jobs, raised a pair of adolescent daughters, found a way to ALWAYS be at church throughout the week (much to my sister’s and my chagrin), kept us in ballet and Spanish lessons, and never so much as buckled under the weight of her super human, single-parent responsibilities. Which ultimately meant that as I grew into a young woman, I did the same. I studied fiercely. Worked exhaustively. Emoted non-existent-ly. Calculated the risks convincingly. Grinned and bared it indifferently.

Of course, in and of themselves, those were all fine traits to have as a black woman existing in a world that tolerates more than loves her, but with their embodiment, no space was ever really made for me to be delicate, vulnerable, broken, or needy. Instead, I became the oracle to everyone; my shell tougher than those four sewer turtles from Manhattan.

And sure, subjective success found me after many years of turning this practice in rigidity into principled discipline and hard work, but so did the need to unlearn the very toxic trait of being strong at all costs. I found out the hard way (aka a mid-career crisis) that I deserved dependability, to be upset without being labeled an ABW, to cry tears that were validated, to not have to have all the answers, and to be handled with care.

So, forgive me if I no longer see the intrigue in being magical.

If setting myself on fire to keep others warm has lost its selfless appeal.

If I no longer desire the standard issue cape.

Instead, I think I’ll try my hand at being a black woman that is hardly interested in carrying her own burdens, much less anyone else’s. Oh, the possibilities.

Universal Language

There is something to be said about the redeeming quality of the human spirit. Especially in the face of global upheavals caused by world wars, military coups, terrorist attacks, state-sponsored violence, worldwide pandemics, and maniacal dictators, just to name a few.

Many times over, humanity has proven resilient, hopeful, and optimistic when standing against oppression, defying social and political injustices, and working to rebuild from the ruins of poisonous ideology.

Still, for as good-natured and accepting as we’d all like to believe ourselves to be, times of tumult are also quite effective in bringing out the worst from the same human spirit we so proudly boast of. If nothing else, history serves as the greatest reminder and is usually the best teacher when it comes to highlighting human failings and incivility.

This is no more evident than in the disturbing and ongoing news coming out of Ukraine this month. Even after being unlawfully invaded by forces led by a former KGB agent-turned-politician hellbent on restoring the Soviet Union to its former Eurasian prominence, some Ukrainians have responded to the despair and ugliness of an oppressively waged war by being themselves, oppressors. Many digital media outlets, as well as reports from those directly affected in the country have exposed several instances across Ukraine where African, South Asian and other marginalized foreigners had not been allowed to flee to the safety of bordering nations—even being blocked or removed from trains and buses—until Ukrainian nationals were accommodated first.

Actions like these exemplify racism as the one language truly spoken universally. It also reinforces why mistreatment of non-white people all over the world will continue to be tolerable (let’s not forget that global responses and righteous indignation to equally devastating invasions in Afghanistan, Syria, Palestine, and many other non-European nations have been vastly different, if not muted by comparison) if we don’t consciously work to recognize and acknowledge how our prejudices and biases have normalized conflicts like these (and not like Ukraine) in our minds.

Sadly, I fear that most people who naively recognize love as the global language of choice, without recognizing and adopting the learned and very messy global lessons of history will always only view zealots like Zimmerman, Breivik, Rittenhouse, and Chauvin as the obvious problem with the world. When however, terrified European refugees can pause within a raging war to appease their discriminatory and race-driven penchants in order to maintain a long and closely held supremacy hierarchy, the problem with this world clearly runs much, much deeper.

Checking In

How’s everybody doing?

I thought I’d ask because when last I checked, the virus was acting like a wet Gizmo when fed after midnight, the world at-large was a raging hot mess of anger, a speeding, flaming rock came within only a few million space miles of taking us all out, and my student loans have yet to spontaneously combust, like Edward Cullen at the height of an Australian Summer!

Right. Seems like there’s a lot going on, and all of our mental health seems to be hanging on by the barest of threads.

If it’s any consolation though, I’ve certainly found that there is value in making space for yourself in the grand scheme of things. One way to do that is to journal. I realize that documenting my weeks; the things I’ve done well and even the things that I’ve struggled through have helped me process this sensational human experience into more manageable, bite-sized pieces. I’ve also returned to a more consistent fitness routine. Pushing myself and comparing my gains and losses to MY gains and losses has been not only healthy, but super therapeutic. And lastly, I’ve been buying books. Likely my favorite pastime ever, Amazon will never go out of business so long as I can get my hardbacks delivered next day, just in time for the errant winter whiteout or impromptu trip out of state.

Now, I’m certainly not ignoring the very serious matters of the day nor pretending that things are not somewhat dire and difficult right now. What I am doing however, is offering a little hope and extending some grace to us all, so that we can get through this thing intact. Over the next several months, I hope you intend to do the same for yourself, and each other.

All the best.
Your friend,

T.M.

Who is T.M. Haddock?

As a (terrifying) way to test out my newly devised plan to live stream with my readers, I figured it would make sense if my first “share” was a brief introduction about, well…me.

Here are 5 Quick Quirks About Me. In time, I hope to share much, much more!

xo, T.M.

Weekend at Bernie’s

He’s everywhere…and I love it!

Now, I’d just like to point out that if Bernard Sanders had gotten this much attention during the Democratic Primaries when he was addressing issues related to Medicare, College, and Housing (For All) as well as emissions reductions and the expansion of renewable energy under The New Green Deal, Coronavirus Relief and bankruptcy law reformation, the Junior Senator from Vermont could have very likely become the incoming President of these here United States.

Yet, while hindsight may be twenty-twenty, laughter is still medicine for the heart. Compiled here are some of my favorite memes of the only man who not only turned a self-deprecating jest into a vehicle to raise money for charity but was capable of casually stealing some of the thunder from Joe Biden’s inauguration. Enjoy!