Patti O'Shea's Blog, page 59

Why Did I Say Yes?

Have you ever committed to doing something and then regretted it as the time grew closer?

I readily admit to being very introverted, so I'm used to regretting RSVPing positively to any social engagement. Usually, I end up having a good time once I'm there, but leading up to it there are a lot of whiney, Why? Why? Why?

Today, my regret is signing up for an online webinar. I don't wanna go and I don't even need to leave my desk to do it.

I'm sure the webinar will be fine as well.

In another category are all the online classes I've paid for and not completed. It's not that I regret needing to do them. Not exactly. It's more that I simply don't make time to do any of them. I can do them whenever, right?

Then there's my year subscription to BluPrint. I can take all the craft classes I want at any time. So I take none and yet I'm still paying for this. Sadly, I knew this is exactly what would happen which is why I resisted signing up. They finally got me and now? I never watch.

It's not that I'm irresponsible. I'm a Capricorn, which means I'm hyper-responsible. It's more like I don't like having to do more than life already requires. I guess. I don't know.

ETA: Um, I think I messed up on my webinar. I thought the time listed was central time because that's the time zone where RWA (Romance Writers of America) is located. I showed up at the corresponding eastern time and no one is there. A recheck makes it appear as if I was wrong and the webinar was over when I arrived. Oops!

Space Wars

I don't know if Aristotle was right and nature does abhor a vacuum, but I know my dad sure does.

One of the hardest things about having my dad come to live with me after my mom died is how there can be no flat space in my house that doesn't get covered with his stuff. I have to clear space at the kitchen table almost every day before I can sit down to dinner. And my dining room!

So it was my idea that my dad work on his memoirs at the dining room table. He'd started out at the kitchen table and that meant there was no room for anything else except his life story. I'm the one who suggested the dining room table--it's an underutilized space and it would keep the table we use all the time clear--but I didn't realize how much of an impact this would have.

For an example, I bought a new author planner to go along with my regular, day-to-day planner. I'd love to sit at a table and open it, take some time and space to page through it, but I have nowhere I can do this except my lap. Kitchen table? Not a chance. Dining room table? Covered in memoirs. My desk top? It's filled with computer equipment. There is no space there. I even keep my regular planner on a pulled out drawer so I can see it every day.

Right now, my counters are covered, too. Generally I wage war over keeping those uncluttered, but it's been a busy month and I forgot to keep after him.

There are other challenges living with my dad, too. (He's an extreme extrovert, I'm an extreme introvert, for example) The space wars, though, is one of the biggest issues I deal with. I like everything put away. I'm not sure why my dad has never had a problem leaving every flat surface covered in stuff.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The picture to the left was taken at my house in Minnesota.

I hear so many people rave about autumn and call it their favorite season and I'm like, why? Everything is turning brown, either hibernating or preparing to hibernate for winter. The weather is turning cooler and will become cold, although now that I live in Georgia, cold is relative. :-) I've seen people bundled up like it's arctic and I'm wearing a spring jacket.

Maybe it's because I spent most of my life in Minneapolis where the winters are cold, long, and sometimes brutal, but I don't like it when the temperatures go cool/cold. I don't like fall because fall is the harbinger of winter and winter is far and away my least favorite time of year.

The one nice thing about living in Georgia is the winters are short and mild, but I still have to wear long sleeves and a jacket. I do not like. I like short sleeves and no jacket. And while I'm no fan of the 98 and humid, I prefer that over cold and I almost never complain about it. Although I do sometimes wish that the weather would break.

But spring? Spring is joyous. The earth is coming back to life. The trees are budding, the grass is turning green, the birds are returning from their southern hiatus, and the temperatures aren't melt-your-sunglasses hot.

Spring also means baseball will be starting again soon and I love baseball! I loved it a little more before analytics meant all anyone does is walk, strike out, or hit a homer, but I have to believe that some day people will hit and run again. :-) But I digress.

Spring is also a time that feels rife with possibilities. Everything is new and fresh and that include my energy levels.

Yes, give me spring. I am waiting impatiently for it to officially arrive. Not too long now. Give me short sleeves and budding trees. Give me the hope and expectation that spring brings. Let the countdown commence.

Knitted Gifts

I can share this here now because Christmas is long over and gifts have been given. I blogged that I was in a knitting funk and I was. The witch's hat kind of got me back into it and then I made some Christmas presents.

One of the two hats I made is to the left. I actually made two of the same pattern with the same yarn because I worried about size issues. I gifted both to the same person, so they can decide which one fits them better. If you don't count the witch hat I made, this is my first hat ever.

The yarn was self-striping, which made things easier for me, but I kind of freaked out about the "bind off" at the top. I'm still a little concerned about it, but if you look at the picture below, I don't think it turned out too badly

I would like to make more hats because they knit up reasonably quickly and don't feel overwhelming.

I also made a shawl. The pattern came from the company that made the yarn and was designed specifically for this yarn, but I was disappointed in my results. I thought the self-striping would break at the rows because the picture they had appeared to show that, but that didn't happen. If I'd realized before I was deeply into the project, I'd have bought more yarn and cut at row ends to keep the yarn the same color for the length of said row.

Sadly, though, I had no idea until I was too deep into the shawl to 1) start over and 2) buy more yarn that is actually part of the same dye lot. All I'd need is different dye lots and then the colors would be off from each other. Potentially at least.

But overall, the shawl turned out well. It also was mostly interesting to knit while not being too complicated. Lots of lace, but not complex, and I liked the notched edge.


Now I'm back to trying to figure out what to knit next.

Secretive Characters

Someone who's part of a FB group that I'm in posted looking for help. She had a character who wouldn't tell her anything, and while she was a secondary character, she was an important one.

I read all the answers she received because I have a character who's super secretive, too. If you've read Wicked Obsession, you've met him. Griff.

From the beginning, Griff has stayed quiet. All I knew was that when his heroine approached him, he was a jerk. (I've seen the scene, but I haven't written it yet.)

One really good thing about Ryder's book was that it gave me an insight into why Griff is the way he is. But there's more to it than what happened in Tahoe because he was rude before what went down rocked his life.

Usually when a character goes silent like this and I know his friends, I question them and try to get insights. So far, though, Ryder and Finn have both evaded answering me beyond superficial, vague responses. :-(

What I know about Griff:  His full name is Jonah Theodore Griffin, and he dislikes both his first and middle names. Call him Griff. If pressed, he will allow JT, but the only person who he allows to call him Jonah is Langley. My theory is that if Ryder hadn't found Langley first, Griff would have pursued her, but I don't know this for sure because no one is sharing anything.

I know he's from Boston and that his background is Irish. He's one of the team's medics, and for all his outward abrasiveness, he's a mother hen with his friends. This arose during a scene in Finn's story otherwise I probably wouldn't know this either.

And aside from what occurred in Tahoe, this is literally all I know about him. Not much, and since his story will come after Finn's, I need to start getting some details.

Force Closing Apps

I recently saw a video from Life Hacker about phone apps. It said that we should never force close them, that instead of saving battery life, it's burning battery.

It made sense and I vowed to follow the advice given. Just leave the apps open. Easy.

Easy, I guess if you're not obsessive.

There are apps I only open once a day, so it seemed like it would be okay to close those. After all, I wouldn't be looking at them again that day. But there were all the other apps.

I didn't realize how many apps I had or how many I looked at throughout the day. The number of open apps on my iPhone started to grow and grow. And I kept seeing them as I looked for the app I wanted to use. For example, check email, but see the apps open for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, my podcast player, Audible, Fitbit, Dropbox, Amazon Music, etc.

It made me crazy. It raised my anxiety to sort through that many apps to find the one I wanted.

Finally, I reached my breaking point. I couldn't stand this. Even if it isn't the right way to do things, I have to close my apps after I'm done using them even if it means reopening them in twenty minutes. If I had to guess. I think I made it about two hours.

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, when I still lived in Minneapolis, I used to write nearly perfect first drafts. Not perfect, but close enough that revisions went quickly and I rarely needed more than a week or two before it was ready to send to my editor.

Those days (sadly) seem to be gone.

When I wrote Wicked Obsession and had a lot revision work, I blamed it on not doing much writing after my mom died and trying to get back into it. I was out of practice, that's all. It appears, though, that this is my new normal because Wicked Intention is in rougher shape than Obsession was.

I'm trying to convince myself that the issues I'm having with Intention are because I'm telling the story in an unusual format, one I've never done before. When I say format, I don't mean what the page looks like, I mean how the story is structured. And no, I'm not going to mention what's different about it. It's not some unheard of structure, just something that's new to me. I'll leave it there.

But I'm not sure this story I'm telling myself is true. Is it the format I'm using to tell the story the issue or is this my new normal? I really hope it's not my new normal. I miss my clean first drafts so much, and if they return, I will never complain about how slow it is to write that way again. I promise. ;-)

Old T-Shirts

As I'm writing this, I'm wearing a long-sleeve T-shirt that is so old, it's threadbare in places and has holes on the sleeves from the elbow down. I have new long-sleeve Tees, but I never wear them.

It's a similar situation with my short sleeve T-shirts. I have two really old ones that are thin and one has holes under the arms that I keep accidentally sticking my arm through when I pull it on. I do have newer Tees, and while I wear these when I go to the gym, when I'm at home, it's my old favorites. I can't wear these in public, though.

I know why I love the old Tees so much--they're so soft and the necklines sag. I can't stand anything against my throat and tug at anything that feels close until it droops.

Do T-shirts get softer the more they're washed? If I throw my new ones in the laundry every week for a month or two, will they become as soft as my old, holey ones? Or do I have to wear them to make them soft? Is there something about the human body that makes the fabric become so buttery? And why the heck aren't T-shirts soft from the minute you buy them?

Until I can figure out the answers to these questions, I'm going to wear my not-in-public Tees around the house.

Throwback Thursday: In the Darkest Night

At last, the book that garnered the Throwback Thursday request-- In the Darkest Night ! This is the fourth (and final written/published) story in my Light Warriors series. Released in 2010.

First, let me say that this is one of my most favorite covers ever! This couple is exactly right for Kel and Farran and it's beautiful! Love, love, love this cover!

I also love this book. It's one of my personal favorites that I've ever written. Sometimes authors talk about gift books, ones that write themselves. I've never had one of those, but Darkest Night came close. The last half of the book flowed out of me and made me excited to be a writer. :-) If only every story was like that!

I knew that Kel would be the hero in the fourth book from the time I was writing Edge of Dawn, but I had no clue who his heroine was. That's why I found it amusing when someone online thought it was obvious from EOD that Farran would be his heroine and hoping that she was wrong. She had better powers of observation than I did because it wasn't until well after I turned in EOD that I discovered who the heroine was in Darkest Night.

Kel Andrews is Logan's twin. We learned previously that something had happened to change him. In this book we discover what that was. Kel has PTSD and is struggling mightily. Mightily enough that the council has removed him from his duties as a troubleshooter. They're concerned he'll get himself killed. Kel's family is concerned about him, too. He's shut them all out as much as it's possible for him to do that.

Farran was injured at the end of EOD and disappeared. We catch up with her here and it's the return of Seth, the god-demon from Twilight's Shadow. Another magic user also makes an appearance and the battle between the two--both of whom seem interested in her--scare Farran enough to come out of hiding and go to Logan and Shona for help.

Only Logan and Shona aren't home. Kel's there instead and his choosing to help Farran will be the first step in his journey out of the darkness.

Farran is wounded, too. She was emotionally and physically abused by her father and her brothers are less than admirable. Because of her past, she's able to recognize that Kel is in his own hell.

There are so many scenes in this book that I love, that I can't pick a favorite. Maybe the scene where Kel finally reveals his deepest, darkest secret to Farran. Or the scene where Kel and Logan finally talk and reach a good place with each other. Or how about when Kel's sister, Tris, arrives at an inopportune moment? :-) heh!

I liked that Farran did not heal Kel and Kel did not heal Farran. Their falling in love only encouraged them to work on healing themselves. Kel needed therapy and refused to go, but when he realized he couldn't have the woman he loved if he didn't make changes, he does start therapy. There is no magic solution. He's still dealing with his PTSD in the epilogue, but he feels as if he's improved enough where he can commit to Farran. With the severity of their wounds, both Kel and Farran will probably spend the rest of their lives healing to some degree or another.

Darkest Night also deals with repairing relationships. Kel with his family, especially his twin, and Farran with her best friend.

The cabin where Kel and Farran hide out in Wisconsin is a cabin I'd go to with my parents when I was younger. I found pictures from the days where they were actually developed from film and printed out and had those on my coffee table while I wrote the book.

Before I wrap up here, let me talk a little about the Light Warriors series. I'd planned on writing more books, and if I ever get the rights back to the first four titles, maybe I actually will write them. Book 5 would have been Kel and Logan's sister's story. Tris is sick of her hugely overprotective big brothers and how they scare off men, so she goes looking for someone to have a fling with, someone not cowed by Kel and Logan. It's after she breaks things off with him that they're forced to work together.

All the heroines in the series are part of the Twilight Time prophecy. Ryne is the strongest troubleshooter ever born, Maia carries the seed of the demon (not that kind of seed!), Shona is the dragon mage, and Farran is the halfling. I can't remember what Tris's special power is without going back to my notes and this blog post is long enough anyway. :-)

Family Home

I could have sworn that I'd blogged about this already, but I can't find a post. When I tried to find a picture for this post and had to look for about half an hour before I located one, I'm thinking this might be the reason why I didn't blog about it. (This is the best picture of my parents' house that I was able to find.) Anyway, if this is a repeat, I will apologize.

After my mom died, my dad moved in with me and we cleaned out his house and put it up for sale. He wanted to sell it as is and a flipper bought it. We kept waiting and waiting for it to come up for sale and it didn't for like two years. But I'm ahead of myself. Let me back up.

My parents only owned one house my entire life. This was home. Even after I moved out and had homes of my own, my parents' house was home. This is a different level of home.

It was tough going back to clean it out after my mom died. Lots of crying and trying to decide what to donate and what to bring to Georgia. It was even stranger to see the house empty, to look at it through new eyes and realize it needed a lot of TLC. It's funny how I didn't see that when it was filled with my parents' things.

It was tough to list it, harder to walk out of it and realize that was the last time ever.

And then more than two years after we sold it, the flipper finally listed the house for sale. Looking through the pictures of the house was harder than the final morning there. He'd gutted the house, redone everything.

The fireplaces were gone. The hardwood floors were gone and replaced with whatever he used. The stairs were moved from the middle of the house to the back (something my mom wanted to do for years). The bedroom I slept in until I was a teen and moved into the basement bedroom was gone, combined with the master to make a master suite. The master bathroom had gone from a half bath to a full bathroom. The new kitchen went from the front door to the door to the garage and devoured the eat-in nook where we'd had so many family dinners. I could continue, but you get the idea.

This wasn't home anymore. It was just some house.

I think it would have been easier if he'd updated what was there, rather than gutting the place and starting over. It was disorienting and I literally had to study the pictures to figure out where some of them were taken. My dad couldn't figure it out and I had to show him in the images where the door to the garage was, explain what had happened to the bedrooms.

I keep reminding myself that the memories remain even if the home isn't the same as it had been when those moments happened, but it's still a sickening feeling to know it's completely different now.