Stephen B. Bagley's Blog, page 6

Swingin' through the trees

Tarzan, the Ape Man, comes home exhausted and falls on the treehouse couch, moaning with his aches and pains.

"Rough day?" asks Jane sympathetically.

He takes a deep breath and replies, “Jane, it's a jungle out there!”

A small misunderstanding

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said as he handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."

Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something, he asked, "What's the matter? Did you forget something?"

"Nope," replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

Me Tarzan

Tarzan, the Ape Man, comes home exhausted and falls on the treehouse couch, moaning with his aches and pains.
"Rough day?" asks Jane sympathetically.

He takes a deep breath and replies, “Jane, it's a jungle out there!”  

Stormy weather

One evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."  

Somethin' to brag about

Shooting the breeze down at the cafe, a trio of veterans ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors.

"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."

"Mine," boasted another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."

"I'm the only soldier in my family," said vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today, he'd be the most famous man in the world."

"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.

"Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."

A fair joke

A couple went to a fair. The husband, who had never been on an airplane, was fascinated by a stunt plane and asked the pilot how much a ride would cost.

"$20 for 3 minutes," the pilot replied.

"That's too much," said the wife firmly.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your husband ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make any sound at all, you'll have to pay me the $20."

The couple agreed and went for a thrilling ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the wife, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave woman."
"Maybe so," said the wife, "but I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my husband fell out."

The Spice of Life

We have a wide variety of writings in Journeys. It reflects the personalities and interests of the writers. Some might surprise you. They did me! For more info, visit https://prosateurs.blogspot.com

New Anthology Debuts!

OKLAHOMA—Journeys, a new anthology from the writing group Prosateurs, debuted this September.

“Journeys covers all sorts of travel,” says Stephen B. Bagley, Prosateurs president. “We have actual travel stories to enjoying new recipes to expanding our viewpoints with essays, memoirs, and devotionals as well as tales to let your imagination roam.”

This is the third anthology produced by Prosateurs, following Yule Tidings and Prosateurs: Tales & Truth.

All three anthologies are available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Lulu, and other online retailers. For more information, visit their website at prosateurs.blogspot.com.

Authors featured in Journeys include:

Kathy Akins began writing as a teenager, but her serious pursuit of the craft started when she retired from a 30-year career with the United States Postal Service. She has won several awards with her poetry, articles, and short fiction. Her short stories, memoirs, poetry, and devotionals were published in Blackbirds Third Flight, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, and Yule Tidings. A love for history, family, and animals touches her everyday life and inspires her story ideas and characters. She lives in Oklahoma and shares her home with miniature longhair dachshunds. She is a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, American Christian Fiction Writers, and a founding member of Prosateurs. Visit her website at kathyakins.blogspot.com.Debbie Anderson wrote the suspense novel Friend or Foe, and recently published Lizzie, a story for pre-teens and young adults. A long-time storyteller, she has written and shared stories since she was a child. The oldest of eight children, she used these stories to entertain her siblings as well for her own enjoyment. She learned the love of travel by going on family vacations and spent eighteen years in the travel industry. As a result, she has been to nearly every state and six countries. She left the travel business after 9/11. Since then she has written business documents such as manuals and procedures for the electronic and oil industries. In addition to writing, she enjoys sewing, quilting, crafts, painting, and spending time with her family, especially her grandchildren. She writes short stories, memoirs, novels, children’s stories, and how-to books. She is a member of Prosateurs, Oklahoma Writers Federation Inc., Ada Writers, and Writing for Fun. Her works have been published in the Creations anthologies, Yule Tiding, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, and other publications.Stephen B. Bagley’s latest book is Floozy Comes Back, a collection of humorous essays. He wrote the cozy mysteries Murder by Dewey Decimal and Murder by the Acre. His other books include Tales from Bethlehem, Floozy and Other Stories, and EndlesS. He wrote the full-length plays Murder at the Witch’s Cottage and Two Writers in the Hands of an Angry God and co-wrote Turnabout. His poetry, articles, short stories, and essays have appeared in Yule Tidings, Writer’s Digest, Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, ByLine Magazine, Nautilus Magazine, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Pontotoc County Chronicles, Tulsa World OKMagazine, Free Star, the Creations anthologies 2012-2015, and other print and online publications. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., Christian Indie Writers, Real Authors, Forward Motion, and the founding president of Prosateurs. Visit his website at stephenbbagley.blogspot.com.Wendy Blanton started writing when she learned to string words into sentences. She is the author of The Balphrahn trilogy. The first book, Dawn Before The Dark, is available now. Her short stories and articles have been published in Yule Tidings, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, and Blackbirds Third Flight. Currently, she writes epic fantasy novels and short stories. She served on active duty for the United States Air Force for eight years. She lives in Missouri with her husband and cats. She is a member of Realm Makers Consortium and Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., and a founding member of Prosateurs. Visit her website at wendyblanton.com.D.E. Chandler wrote the Nova Wave series, which includes Nova Wave and Bone Silver. Her book Weathered gathers her short stories and poetry in her first collection. Her poem, “Oppenheimer” and short story “One Way Window” won honorable mention and publication in Outside the Lines. Her poem “Carroll After Dark” won first place and publication in a Tulsa Review’s Spring contest issue. Her short story “LiveLash Challenge” was published in Ghostlight Magazine. Her other short stories, poems, photographs, essays, and articles have been published in Yule Tidings, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Blackbirds Third Flight, The Green Country Guardian, Sapulpa Herald, and Sapulpa News and Views. She lives with her husband Tom in Oklahoma. She is a member of the Horror Writers Association, Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., and a founding member of Prosateurs. Visit her website at dechandlerwrites.com.Heath Stallcup was born in Salinas, California, and relocated to Oklahoma in his teen years. He joined the US Navy and was stationed in Charleston, South Carolina, and Bangor, Washington, shortly after junior college. After his second tour, he attended East Central University, Ada, Oklahoma. He then served ten years with the State of Oklahoma as a Compliance and Enforcement Officer while moonlighting nights and weekends with the local sheriff’s office. He and his wife live in rural Oklahoma. His many books include Whispers of the Past, Forneus Corson, Flags of the Forgotten, Burning Bridges, the Monster Squad, Caldera, Nocturna, and the Hunter series. Visit his website at heathstallcup.com.Joanne Verbridge was born in Oakland, California, spending her early life experiences in Northern California. Family brought her to Oklahoma where she enjoys writing memoirs and crafting. She works to inspire her young nieces and other youth people to take an interest in storytelling and writing. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., and a founding member of Prosateurs. Her memoirs, short stories, and articles have been published in newspapers, Yule Tidings, Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, and the Creations anthologies.

Dangerous Questions

Murder by the Acre
By Stephen B. Bagley

The librarian and the reporter are back! This time Bernard and Lisa stumble on the body of a local jeweler and ladies' man in an underground house. As the couple and Chief Donaldson investigate, they find themselves drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involves the upper crust of Ryton, Oklahoma. Questions abound: Who killed him and how? Why doesn't the widow care that her husband is dead? Why doesn't his mistress? What does the mysterious Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? What is the corporation hiding? Soon events spiral out of control as the killer strikes again and again. As the three dig for the truth, they upset powerful, vengeful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa could lose their lives in this suspenseful sequel to Murder by Dewey Decimal.

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Mothra?

I wanted to share a conversation I had with a friend a while back and happened to think of today. 

We were discussing monster movies and had wandered onto Godzilla® and the other kaiju. Knowing my love for those movies—and I do love them, but not the modern ones that attempt to make it "realistic," since Godzilla is 40 stories high and has radioactive breath so "realistic" shouldn't enter into the conversation—he talked about how Godzilla could represent the judgment of God on mankind for its selfish, destructive ways.

And then he said, "And Jesus, if He was a kaiju, would be Mothra®."

Note this because it doesn't happen often: I had nothing to say. I was too overwhelmed. Or horrified. I haven't worked it out yet.