Emily M. DeArdo's Blog, page 36

Plan A, Plan B, Plan C....

Two sisters on a terrace…..waiting for a guy…..

If you’re on Twitter, and you follow me (Or really, follow Catholic Twitter), you’ve probably noticed the ongoing debate about women and college. There are people who think that, if a girl wants to be a stay at home mom (SAHM), that she doesn’t need to go to college. She doesn’t need the degree, she doesn’t need debt, she just needs a husband! Then all her problems will be solved!

Guys. (Ladies?) Let Auntie Em tell you some things.

Number 1: You can go to college without debt

You can. Really. It’s true! I did it! Part of that was because my parents had saved money for me (and my siblings). Part of that was that I chose a college we could afford—and by afford, I mean that my parents told me, very early on (like, freshman year of high school) that if I wanted to go there, I had to get scholarships, because we couldn’t afford it without them.

I got said scholarships. With scholarships, and my parents’ savings, and the savings bonds I had been given as gifts since I was a wee bairn, I went to college without debt.

So, yes, it can be done. (I realize it cannot be done for everyone. I know I had good parents.)

But that’s not really the point here.

The point is, girls—you need a plan.

Number 2: The man might not show up

I was engaged in college. Yes I was.

I am not married now.

We didn’t get married. Which was a good decision, on the whole (that’s not a smear on the guy. It’s a fact based on where I was at the time, and that we were incompatible, and we were engaged for the wrong reasons. But not going into that here!).

But, my goal, as a 19 year old, was to get married, have kids, and be a SAHM. That’s what I’d always wanted to do with my life.

Honestly, it’s still what I want to do with my life.

But….I’m 37. I can’t have kids. (Naturally, anyway. I’d adopt!) And I’m not married.

Some people—and yes, these people exist—would say that I shouldn’t have left my parents’ house, that my father should still be “in charge” of me, and that I am doing everything wrong by having an independent life. Because, apparently we all live in a Jane Austen novel where unmarried ladies are supported by their fathers or brothers forever.

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If you want to see how awesome that was….remember the scene in the 1995 Sense and Sensibility, where John is talking about how much he’ll “give” his mother and his sisters to live on, and his wife keeps wanting it reduced? Yeah. That. Fun times!

So, look, ladies.

The man might not show up, no matter how much you want him to. Or he might show up really late in the game!

And until then….you have to be able to support yourself. That doesn’t necessarily mean college, but it does mean a skill set that you can use to feed, clothe, and house yourself!

Number 3: The kids might not show up!

Do we really need to say this? I mean, I think everyone knows someone who has trouble getting pregnant, or can’t have kids. So if you want to be a SAHM…..the “mom” part might be an issue.

And I’ve been there. I am there. I understand how sucky that is, trust me.

So if the kids don’t show up, what are you going to do?

Think about it. You might be perfectly find staying home and taking care of the house and husband and yourself sans kids. It’s an option. But….think about it.

I’ve always cringed when I watch shows like the Duggars or something, where everyone assumes they’re going to get married.

That’s not true, guys.

Or, they assume kids will come.

Also not true, guys!

I fully, fully support SAHM life. I am the daughter and granddaughter of SAHMs. I love them. I wanted to be one. My mom is amazing—she worked before I was born, she worked before she met my dad, and boy howdy she “worked” after, just without a pay check…..she can give (and constitute) IV meds, she can do burn dressing changes, she accesses and flushes my port every month, she is awesome. There are times when she seriously knows more than some nurses do. (My sister is a nurse, so no shame being cast here, guys.) Without her, I know I wouldn’t have been as healthy as I was. So when I say I love SAHMs, I do—I wanted to be one.

But ladies. We have to think about other things. We have to have Plan B. We can’t sit around singing “Someday My Prince Will Come” and waltzing with brooms. I mean, we can, but that’s a leeeeetle weird!

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So, ladies—I am here to tell you.

Have a plan that doesn’t involve getting married. Because you might need it.

edited to add:

Even if you do get married, it’s good to have skills.
Your husband could die! He could get hurt or sick! He could become disabled!

And then you’d have to be the one providing for the family.

So, think about it!

Seven Quick Takes--Winter Came, and an Advent Devotional!

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Yes, winter showed up in Ohio—it was in the twenties and teens on Tuesday this week, and Orchard House got its first snow. Since I didn’t have to go out in it, I didn’t mind it, and the snow looked beautiful with the Hawthorn tree outside my window—the red berries make a lovely contrast. So I enjoyed it.

And it’s also November. Snow in mid-November is fine in Ohio. When we get it in October, I get a little grumpy. But I’m OK with snow until about the first week of January and then it can go away. :-p (I really only like snow around the holidays.)

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Advent is coming, and I want to show you the newest Take Up & Read Devotional—O Radiant Dawn, for Advent and Christmas….

We’re doing a special focus on the O Antiphons, and the book goes from Advent through New Year’s Day. It’s exquisitely gorgeous—our designer, Kristin Foss, has done wonderful things with this book. All of our books have great production values because of her, but this one really takes the cake.

O Antiphons, drawn by Kristin Foss.

Look at the lectio pages

We work really hard to make these beautiful and useful devotionals for you, and I hope you enjoy them. If you are a long-time fan and customer, thank you! If you’re new….come check us out!

You can get your copy here.

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Being home from the Resort means that my sleeping schedule is still weird…..I’m staying up too late and sleeping in, so I’m all over the place. And the house is still sort of a mess, although I’m working on getting it back to baseline. Basically, being in the hospital demonstrates how true the concept of entropy is—that everything is working toward chaos all the time, ALL THE TIME!!!!!!

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What are you doing for Thanksgiving? We stay pretty low key; Christmas is our big family holiday. So it’ll just be my parents and I. My brother spends it with his wife’s family, and my sister and her husband are staying out in Colorado.

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On Monday I’m going to one of OSU’s branch hospitals to have a HIDA scan done. Basically it’s a test that stresses my gallbladder and sees how it does, and also we can get a scan of what my gallbladder looks like. If there are issues, it’s coming out. If there are sort of issues, I think it’s staying in until it acts up again, and then it might come out? And if it looks fine, we’ll just watch it. Three options. By the end of the day Monday we’ll know which door we’re going through. I’m sort of on team take it out, but…not my call!

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Obviously, massive thanks to everyone who has pre ordered the book! If you haven’t, you can do so here. Pre-orders are so helpful, both in building buzz and in letting the publisher know how many copies to make for the first printing!

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I have Disney+, and I like it an awful lot. Having a the Disney movies at my fingertips? WINNER. And I’m also loving rewatching Boy Meets World, except that I had forgotten that the class in the show was my age—it debuted in the fall of 1993, when I was in sixth grade, so that’s how old the characters are. This was brought home in an episode where Mr. Feeny had them imagine their futures and threw a mock 20th class reunion….that took place in 2020.

As in, next year.

Seven Quick Takes--Home

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So I’m home! Yay!

I got home Wednesday afternoon and I’ve spent a lot of time sleeping and just sort of reading and resting—what fun, right? At 37 you find that you don’t recover from hospital stays quite as quickly as you did when you were twenty-seven, but, that’s OK. It’s not like I have any pressing appointments!

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If you missed the big news, BOOK PRE-ORDERS ARE OPEN!!!!!!!!

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So, book pre-orders made my hospital stay pretty darn exciting, I have to say. It at least gave me something to do besides watch endless HGTV!

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If you have Netflix, watch The King. It’s actually really good—roughly based on Shakespeare’s Henry V (and some of Henry IV 1 and 2), as well as regular old history, it makes for good watching. Great cast. (Robert Pattinson is an especially delightful over-the-top Dauphin.) Of course liberties are taken with history, because….that’s how we roll, apparently. :) Our stories need closure, dang it! (And fun characters—Falstaff, as Falstaff, didn’t exist, but Shakespeare knew how to write a good character.)

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So I’m not going to make it to seven today, but I did want to pop in, say hi, plug the pre-orders, and assure y’all that I’m still alive. :) Have a great weekend!

Pre-Orders are OPEN!!!!

Rejoice and be glad!

The pre-orders for Living Memento Mori: My Journey through the Stations of the Cross, are now open!!!!!

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So, go pre-order!!!!

Amazon US, Amazon Canada, Amazon UK

Barnes and Noble

Indiebound

You can also ask your local Catholic bookstore to order a copy for you!

And you can add the book to your Goodreads shelf!

I am so excited!!! This is a day I’ve been waiting for for, well, ever actually—the day that a book I wrote is available at real bookstores!

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If you have any questions, put them in the comments or email me at hello@emilymdeardo.com

Greetings From the Resort

Yes, I’m back in the Resort.

For new readers, I started calling Children’s Hospital “The Resort” once I started working, because all my vacation days ended up being spent here, and the name stuck.

On Thursday I started having a lot of abdominal pain. After I talked to the nurses at clinic, they mentioned that I had gall stones on my last CT scan that I had when I had the Awful, Nasty Stomach Bug. So back I went to the local ER (It’s run by a local hospital, so it’s a good one, not like some tiny little thing), where they ran tests and determined that I had….pancreatitis.

My old friend!

I haven’t had a bout of this in years, but once that diagnosis came in, I knew what I was in for. So Mom and I went back to my place, I packed a bag, and dad drove me to Children’s, where I am currently writing this.

The treatment for pancreatitis is: IV fluids, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds. That’s in. Blood is drawn daily to see how the lipase (a pancreatic enzyme) is doing—with pancreatitis this number is high. We want it to be around 50 or so, and today mine was 480 sometimes, which is still better than the 1600 it was when I was first admitted!

Giselle the Unicorn.

So, all in all, not too bad, except for being in a hospital, but even that’s not bad, because I don’t really get bothered. There’s no fancy treatment for this, just meds through an IV line. At some point I’ll try eating “clears” (broth, jello, etc.) and if that stays down then we’ll try more substantial foods.

So, that’s where I am right now. But big news coming later this week! (If you already subscribe to the blog, you know what the news is….)

Endocrinology (Or: Not Personal Failure!)

So the past two weeks have been sort of nuts, and hence why I haven’t written. So I’ll bring you up to speed and explain the title.

After my last post, I got a killer stomach bug, and I ended up in the ER. When you’re me—meaning, you take a lot of meds, you have blood sugar level issues, and you need to be able to keep things down—you don’t really “wait out” a stomach bug. (In fact, I learned today I get to give myself four hours before going to an ER for treatment.)

So after a day of nausea and 12 hours of vomiting (WHAT JOY) and abdominal pain, I took myself to the local free-standing ER, which is excellent. My mom met me there, Dad drove my car home, and four hours later I’d had IV fluids, anti-emetics (anti-vomiting meds), and pain meds, I felt a lot better, everything calmed down, and I got to go home. I spend Tuesday sort of out of it. Wednesday had a ton of energy and did laundry and some taking out of trash. Thursday, pretty back to normal—but I needed to take my car to the service place to get a tire patched. Friday, normalcy! Saturday, Harry Potter tea with my writers ‘ group (post on that coming), and I went to Mass for the first time in two weeks. Hallelujah!

So, that was last week. This week, the tire repair didn’t hold, so I had to call AAA to put the spare on on Monday, get the tire checked out Tuesday, to find out I need a new tire, which will be on my car tomorrow, which meant that I had to borrow my mom’s car to get to my endocrinology appointment today.

Honestly, I was really freaked about this appointment. I had visions of insulin shots multiple times a day and constant finger sticks and food restrictions and all sorts of evil things conjured by the word “diabetes.” I really, really, really didn’t want a heavy-duty diagnosis. I was freaked out.

I had a long appointment today (2 hours), where I met with great, wonderful, smart people, who went over my history and all my labs with a fine-tooth comb. They looked at everything. They asked about family history. The fact that my mom has five sisters, and that my grandma is almost 90 and in pretty darn good health, is great for my doctors because there’s a lot of female family history to look at when we’re talking about health indicators.

My endocrinologist thinks that what I have is a type of CF related diabetes (CFRD), which is not Type 1 diabetes, even though insulin is involved, and it’s not type 2 diabetes. It’s its own special thing. But what this did for me was release a big burden I’d been carrying around—the idea that I had done this to myself. That if I had done more or tried harder or whatever, that I wouldn’t have been in that office.

That’s not the case. Dr. W (the new doc) said that just about every CF person will get CFRD at some point, because we’re living longer. The severity will vary, but it’s probably going to happen. Throw in the fact that I’m on three drugs that mess around with blood sugar production and regulation, and, yeah. This was, most likely, going to happen.

We don’t exactly have a plan yet, because we need data, which will be provided by two things:

Me checking my blood glucose level at various times a day

Me wearing a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) for a week. This little do-dad checks your blood sugar every five minutes with a little sensor. So we’ll get tons of data, cascades of data! And with that data, we can make a plan.

The other great thing as that this doctor asked me if I was OK with this plan. That’s so important to me. I want to be OK with what we’re doing. And with this doctor, I do. I feel secure and I trust her to do the right thing to get things under control.

So even though I’m going to be doing a lot of finger sticks over the next few days/weeks, I don’t really mind. Because I don’t feel like a total failure, like I brought this upon myself. I didn’t. This is the result of being 37 with CF and a double-lung transplant. It’s the way it goes.

We get the data, we make a plan, and we move on.

Living in a World of Octobers

On Saturday Mom and Dad and I went to Granville, a small town about a half hour from where we live, and spent the afternoon there. There were delicious juicy burgers, parents with their kids, custard, some sketching (yay!), and delights at a stationery store.

October has been particularly beautiful this year in Ohio, and I’m glad that despite everything else that’s going on and driving me crazy, that the beauty is all around and there to be enjoyed and drunk up.

(Isn’t that last picture a shot of stereotypical small town America? School bus, church, changing leaves….)

Seven Quick Takes--Etc.

Linking up with Kelly

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I had a clinic appointment on Monday, which was OK. I mean, the lungs are fine, the immunosuppression levels are fine….I’m just not super looking forward to the endocrinologist visit on the thirtieth. The doctor gets great reviews from clinic—everyone seems to like her and she seems really competent (more than competent!), but I just don’t want to see another doctor. But, I will. So that’s coming up, but at least I’m more than halfway through the list of doctor appointments crammed into this month!

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One of the things that’s hard for me, as a person with a chronic illness, is that I don’t get to do a lot of things on my own terms. If you read any sort of weight loss/ health book, one of the first things the writer will say is “Do it for you, do what you like, throw out your scale”—with the idea being that making health changes shouldn’t be dependent on the feedback you get, like, weight loss, or what someone else wants for you, because that won’t make the changes stick. You have to do it for you.

I never get to “do it for me.”

I’d be fine with a few walks around the neighborhood, a few yoga flows, some ballet beautiful here and there. I know that my body does like to move, it needs to move in certain ways (thank you, knee messed up from meds that requires lots of love!). I know that. And I’m fine with that.

But the problem is, that’s not enough for all the people I see. They want results. They want a program, 30/40 minutes every day, with results. They want weight loss (we won’t talk about how the Terrible Insulin Experiment led to weight gain…..). They want results.

So I don’t get to do it for me. I do it for them.

Sometimes I think about Amber—we talked about this a lot. She told me once that she exercised to punish her body—to bend it to her will, to make it to what she wanted. And I never wanted to do that. I don’t want to punish my body. Lord knows it’s been punished enough, poor thing. I want it to behave, but I don’t want to subdue it to my will and punish it.

A lot of the time, I feel like I’m trying—and failing spectacularly—to do what everyone wants me to do. But what I want never really figures into it. What I am comfortable with, the results I want to see—they’re not enough. So, yeah, it’s extremely frustrating. I’m not really sure how to deal with that frustration right now, to be honest with you.

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So, this month of doctors (and all the appointments have been pretty good—things are stable, or are clearing up [sinuses, yay!]) has led me to be crankier/sadder than usual. I don’t really like it, but there it is. And I do try to be honest with you, blog readers. :) I will never, ever not love being alive. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I’d like to call a time out and just try to live like other people do for, you know, a month. Six months.

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Anddd OK, got that out. :)

I should have the finalized book cover—and news for you about the awesome person who wrote the preface—very very very soon. I actually thought it would be this week, but who knows (it could happen later today!)

Anyway, if you want all the exciting news first, sign up for the newsletter. Please and thank you.

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You might not notice but there are some changes round the blog! I have an events page set up, which hopefully will have some items on it in the future, such as book signings and appearances and stuff like that! I also have a blog email: hello@emilymdeardo.com. If you have questions, want signed books (eventually), press, etc…..all of that stuff goes to this email address!

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If you’ve never seen Script Ohio, please change that and watch it:

Even if you do not like football, Script Ohio is superb. and deserves lots of love!

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Fall is in earnest here, which makes me happy. The hawthorn tree outside Orchard House is heavy with berries, the leaves are changing colors, and I saw this little guy on my walk yesterday:

Have a great weekend!

Seven Quick Takes--"Shut up!" She Said

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This week on the blog…..retreat!

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

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That also explains the title……guys, really, we need to shut up. We need to have silence with God so we can hear Him! We gotta stop filling our lives with noise!

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From Catholic Mom: Is A Silent Retreat Impossible?

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I wrote a post a long time ago on an old blog—I have no idea where the original post is—but the gist of it was that people are terrified of silence these days. This was before everyone had earbuds in all the time, but it was when it was getting really popular.

It seems like people can’t walk down the street these days without earbuds in. They can’t be in their houses without the TV on or something streaming from somewhere. There is no silence. There must be noise, all the time. And this isn’t good. (First off, hearing loss much?)

Now, I say this as a person who wrote a lot of her college papers with background noise on. I still do like music or a movie in the background if I’m doing something like knitting, or even, occasionally, writing things. (Not the book. That was written in mostly silence!) What I’m talking about is noise all the time. Everywhere. Constantly.

We have to bring back silence. I didn’t really realize this until I started to lose my hearing, but man, silence really is golden.

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And if you think about this from a perspective of God—we’re supposed to love God. Imagine your closest relationship, say, your spouse. If all you did was drown out your spouse, if you talked over him all the time and never let him talk, if you never listened to him—ever—then how would that relationship go?

Probably not well.

It’s the same with God. We have to have dialogue. We have to listen and talk. And a lot of the time, we’re not listening. We’re not even giving him an opening. We’re just…..blasting him out.

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And we can even see this in our worship—is there time for silence at Mass? We don’t have to have a post-communion hymn, y’know. We could just…have….silence. So people can pray! So they can listen to God!

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Yeah, I’m on my soapbox about silence this week. :) But I think it’s an important thing to talk about. Not just in retreats, although I suggest you go on one. Not just in silent adoration, although I recommend that, too! We need silence in our lives in general. Focus on what’s happening. Try not to be distracted by the phone!

So I guess you could call this retreat series part four. :) Next week I’ll write something non-retreat related….I hope to have a big announcement for the book by this time next week! Fingers crossed!!!!!

Going on Retreat Part Three: Sunday Morning

Part One is here

Part Two is here

My alarm went off at seven the next morning, and I sort of hustled, because breakfast on this day is continental, served in the lounge; it’s mostly cinnamon rolls and bakery things, and if you’re slow, the good stuff is gone. :) (Good stuff meaning danish, in my world). So I hurried, dressed in my Sunday Mass clothes and got a cherry danish (win!).

After that, I went to the chapel to pray lauds before the closing of adoration at 8:15 by Fr. Stephen. (Even if you can’t make a retreat, consider going to adoration? Even if it’s five minutes! Go stop by and say hello to Jesus! Get to Mass five minutes early, if there’s no adoration chapel where you live.)

After the close of exposition and benediction, we had the last conference of the retreat, on Confirmation. This was followed by a bit of Q&A, and then the last Mass of the retreat.

After Mass was over, we could talk—silence was lifted. So brunch was a noisy, happy affair of everyone chatting over quiche and apple pie bars. I enjoyed talking to the women at my table (especially Olivia) and getting to know them better.

When you spend a weekend in silence praying with people, a closeness forms, but it’s a weird closeness, because you feel close to people you don’t know anything about! So it’s nice to learn a little more about them.

After brunch we cleaned out our rooms and left. “Cleaning out your room” means putting the trash bag outside your door, stripping the bed and stuffing the sheets and towels inside the pillowcases to be picked up, and making sure you didn’t leave anything behind.

I was home a little before noon, and I spent the rest of the day taking a nap, unwinding, and getting mad at the Ravens during the Ravens-Steelers game.

(Me to my mom: I hate the Ravens.
Mom: You just got back from retreat, you can’t hate anybody!)

So, that’s what I did on my retreat.

There are things I could share—how I pack, what I bring, etc.—I could share notes with you….or I could answer your questions! If you have any questions about retreats, let me know in the comment box and I’ll answer them!