Amanda M. Blake's Blog, page 4
May 30, 2025
Around the bend: Friday Update
News:
“The Devil’s Bathtub” won this month’s Shallow Waters flash fiction contest. I think the link leads to an open post where you can read the story for free, if you like.
Because I won, I got an Author Spotlight interview, which you can read here. And one of the perks of winning that started literally the month after the last time I won is that you get to decide the next theme for everyone to work on next month and curate the finalists—kinda like training wheels for editing an anthology, which I’d love to do someday. (And it comes with a decent honorarium, which I’m also excited about.)
We’ll share the theme and start taking entries next month, for posting in July.
Last weekend, I attended Texas Frightmare with a friend. I want to be a vendor there someday. Maybe next year?
Works in Progress:
The deadline for Q&C’s open submissions is the end of May 31, so I’m scrambling to finish Masque edits tonight so I can pare down the synopsis and put together the pitch before work tomorrow. As a result, I’m taking yet another day off from work (and I haven’t worked out since last week), but I put in some extra work on other days of the week, and I’ve determined that I’ll still make more this week than last (when I had to take time off for Frightmare), especially with the prize money for “The Devil’s Bathtub” added on.
I have about 33 more pages to edit, which is…doable. The narrative is speeding up from the emotional climax to the plot climax, so I’m editing faster, too. Honestly, it hasn’t required a lot of extra effort. Minimal cutting, mostly punctuation decisions and breaking up some sentences for readability’s sake. But it still takes time to go through everything.
After Masque has been submitted, I’ll go back to Tooth & Claw (M7) for the second round, and I think I figured out how to fix the Chekhov’s gun problem. And, of course, I’ll be reading for the July Shallow Waters contest.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
He Left Her at the Altar, She Left Him to the Zombies by Katie Cord (Frightmare, finished)
Things I’m Listening To:
Delain
Kamelot
The Phantom of the Opera at the Royal Albert Hall album
Things I’m Watching:
The Equalizer 2
Stranger (1991) (Frightmare screening)
Damsel of the Doomed (Frightmare screening)
Jeopardy Masters series
Home Town series
Home Town Takeover series
Say Yes to the Dress series
CSI series
CSI: NY series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
May 23, 2025
Washing blood off the knife: Friday Update
News:
Nothing this week.
Works in Progress:
I continue cutting the editing for Masque close, although I think I might have some free time this weekend and that I’ll take Memorial Day off. I’m a little less than halfway through, and I do have to say that I really enjoy the book and think it’s solid, even beautiful. It’s a shame that I can’t write much right now, because I feel like, at almost forty, I’ve finally hit my stride with the last handful of long works.
Shooting for finishing the editing by the 30th so I have the 31st to polish the synopsis and the pitch and send it in.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Delain
My Winter Storm by Tarja
Nectar by Wendy Colonna
Things I’m Watching:
The Equalizer
Ocean’s Eleven
Ocean’s Twelve
Terrifier 3
Home Town series
Home Town Takeover series
Say Yes to the Dress series
Spring Baking Championship series (finished)
NCIS series
CSI series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
May 16, 2025
Lips of honey: Friday (kinda) Update
My audacity for being late comes from being social this morning and afternoon, when I’d usually be drafting the update. This happens so infrequently that I can’t refuse it when it does happen.
Then, due to heat and humidity, I had a massive headache coming home after working, so I needed to wait for that to settle down, too.
News:
“The Devil’s Bathtub” posted on May 11 at Crystal Lake’s Patreon. Those familiar with Bluebirds (Thorns Book 3) might have recognized the locale for the horror story—not the same place, but the same inspiration.
Works in Progress:
It took a little longer to finish up the first round of edits for Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7) than anticipated, so I’ve only been working on Masque second-round edits for a few days.
T&C (M7) had about 13K words cut, from 89K to 76K. I’m not satisfied with the climactic scene, because I feel like I didn’t use Chekhov’s gun, but I don’t have time to address it right now. I’ll muse over possible solutions until I can return to T&C.
I’ve only been working on Masque for three days, and I’m about a tenth of the way through, but I’m still charmed. I’m really fond of this piece. There’s something about the writing that tickles my brain. I think it’s because the alt-history style allows me to embellish and play without being as jarring as in contemporary.
20 pages in 2-3 days is not going to cut it if I want to make the deadline, so I have got to buckle down. Could this country not have a crisis for a few weeks, please?
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Old Favorite Playlist
Delain
Cindy Morgan
Let’s Talk About Love by Celine Dion
Live Around the World by Queen + Adam Lambert
Live for You by Rachael Lampa
Lost Whispers by Evanescence
Love and War by Fleurie
Lover by Taylor Swift
Lover. Fighter. by Svrcina
Mean Girls Original Broadway Soundtrack
Midnight in the Garden by Lily Kershaw
My December by Kelly Clarkson
Things I’m Watching:
Home Town Takeover series
Say Yes to the Dress series
Spring Baking Championship series
Elsbeth series (finished)
NCIS series
CSI series
The Equalizer series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
May 9, 2025
Pulling the strings: Friday Update
News:
Nothing this week.
Works in Progress:
Did some decent work on Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7) the last two days. Hope to finish the first round of edits by the end of the weekend, which makes finishing Masque‘s second round of edits by the end of the month a little dicey, but I’ll buckle down. I don’t have anything I have to write this month, just a piece of flash fiction to edit. Body is gearing up for an early period, so I’m not sure what the next few days are going to be like, writing- and work-wise.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Old Favorite Playlist (basically everything I listened to in college)
Legally Blonde Original Broadway Cast
Les Miserables movie soundtrack
Let Go by Avril Lavigne
Let Yourself Go by Kristin Chenoweth
Things I’m Watching:
Jeopardy Masters series
Home Town series (finished)
Ghosts (US) series (finished)
Will Trent series
Elsbeth series
NCIS series
CSI series
The Equalizer series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
May 2, 2025
The endless poison: Friday Update
News:
A Coup of Owls announced their 2025 line-up of novelette collections, and my raw, grimy, sexy story “Glory to God,” about a displaced goddess at a gloryhole, comes out in their Halloween 2025 collection featuring Othered horror romance. This is a story I conceived of over fifteen years ago but didn’t have the inspiration or guts to write until I was initially putting together my bathroom horror collection.
My body horror poem “Exhibit” is featured in this issue of Memento Mori’s free newsletter Morsus Vitae.
I did an interview roughly a year ago with the Merry Writers Podcast, and they posted it earlier in April, but I missed it. You can find it at a number of podcast places, but also here on YouTube. I talk a little about Question Not My Salt but mostly about my writing process and my love of the horror genre.
In addition, although “Turning Tail” didn’t win anything last month, my story “The Devil’s Bathtub” is a finalist in this month’s Crystal Lake Shallow Waters flash fiction contest, featuring the theme Fools. It should post for $5/month tiers and above on May 12. This one is a story I’ve wanted to write for a while, loosely based on a place on my grandparent’s land in the Ozarks.
Works in Progress:
I’d hoped that gig working during the afternoons and early evenings and being too tired during the nights would lead to more focused work during my mornings and my Wednesday ‘weekend.’ This has not been the case. I’m sorry, but this administration (federal and state) is soul-sucking, and the anger and helplessness I feel all the time is not conducive to productivity. When logic, reason, and compassion don’t work as arguments, my brain gives a near constant 404 error. It’s not good for me.
I’ve managed to make a dent on the first round of edits on Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7), but not as big of a dent as I would have wanted. My plan to finish the first round before doing second-round edits on Masque, however, remains. But I have to remember that Texas Frightmare is this month, and that takes at least three days off my schedule for writing. I want the world to be a better place so I can do my work, damn it.
Concerned that tariffs will eventually lead to less gig work for me as it finally hits inventory or to skintier tips (which we’re heavily dependent on, so remember to tip your gig workers).
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Old Favorite Playlist (basically everything I listened to in college)
Svrcina
It’s No Secret Anymore by Linda Eder
Jekyll & Hyde: Resurrection Soundtrack
Joanne by Lady Gaga
Josh Groban by Josh Groban
Kaleidoscope by Rachael Lampa
The Last Five Years Original Cast Recording
Things I’m Watching:
Mufasa: The Lion King
Talk to Me
Ghosts (US) series
Will Trent series
Watson series
Elsbeth series
NCIS series
CSI: NY series
CSI series
Criminal Minds series
Slasher: Guilty Party series
The Equalizer series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
The Bondsman series
April 25, 2025
Alone in my wanderings: Friday Update
News:
Nothing professional this week.
I think my gig work is getting to me. I’m so focused on my tasks, which is the part I enjoy, but I think shopping and driving hit me with a lot of stimulation that I don’t consciously process. I started feeling really overwhelmed and despairing on Tuesday, couldn’t concentrate on my editing, so I went out and did a few more jobs that night to feel like I could accomplish something and ended the day feeling dead inside. Then, on Wednesday, which is my ‘weekend’ but I still couldn’t concentrate, I went to bed early (for me) and set my alarm an hour later. I slept nine hours total and felt a little better afterward. I’m still not a hundred percent, but I think I need to remember to prioritize my sleep. I’m also still having a medical recurrence. It’s not dire, just uncomfortable.
The heat isn’t helping either, and since my car A/C is struggling above eighty degrees, it probably needs repairing before we head into ninety and hundred degree days (this summer is forecast to be even hotter), which isn’t helping my stress levels. Depending on the repair, it’ll cost two weeks’ work or a month and a half’s work. I’m supposed to be rebuilding savings here, but my car’s demanded a lot of my money lately. I believe it’s tax deductible, since I work contract delivery, but since I’m poverty-level already, I’m not sure that helps much.
Works in Progress:
I finished the first flash piece and submitted it. Then I wrote the second, but just as I was ready to submit it, I reread the sub call and discovered that the deadline was two days earlier, not the end of the month like I thought. That really took the wind out of my sails, which might have been a contributing factor to the above. I was super proud of both pieces, and I just had to put the second one in the trunk. I don’t know when I’ll have the opportunity to use it, since horror sub calls have gone down considerably.
Once I was able to concentrate again, I got back into editing Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7). I’m only a fourth of the way through the first round. I don’t think I’ll finish edits by end of the month, but I’ll complete the first round of edits, then pause and do the second edit of Masque so that I can submit it to the Quill & Crow sub call for novels coming in May. Then I’ll finish up T&C (M7).
I’m also playing with ideas for Meridian Book 8. I feel like I have a good concept, but not a story yet. I’ll continue turning it over in my head.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Agnes Obel
Svrcina
Hadestown Original Broadway soundtrack
Halestorm by Halestorm
Heart of a Hurricane (Extended) by Beyond the Black
Things I’m Watching:
Oddity
Wolf Man (2025)
Sinners
Celebrity Jeopardy series (finished)
Ghosts (US) series
Will Trent series
Watson series
Elsbeth series
CSI: NY series
Slasher: Guilty Party series
S.W.A.T. series (finished)
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
The Bondsman series
April 18, 2025
With the undertow: Friday Update
News:
My cat story “Turning Tail” has been posted on Crystal Lake’s Patreon as a finalist for this month’s Shallow Waters theme of Old School (Creature Feature). These stories are available to read and vote on if you’re in the $5/month tiers or higher.
Works in Progress:
I finished the final edits for Tattered & Torn (Meridian Book 6) and the final edits of the first chapter of Tooth & Claw (M7) that will be included as a teaser at the end of T&T, so that’s done and dusted and sent off to my publisher with a sigh of relief. Tattered & Torn is already available for preorder, if you’re interested in a story about a fallen angel with empathic powers.
I had trouble getting started on a flash piece yesterday, but I’ve tackled a lot of it today. I don’t know if I can finish tonight, but I’ll try for end of tomorrow morning at the latest. I want to do another piece of flash for the month, but meeting my self-imposed editing deadlines might be hard enough to accomplish.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Evanescence
Emilie Autumn
Rossini’s Stabat Mater by the Wiener Philharmoniker
Resist (Instrumentals) by Within Temptation
Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson
Broadway My Way by Linda Eder
Church of Scars by Bishop Briggs
dont smile at me by Billie Eilish
Evita movie soundtrack
Falling into You by Celine Dion
Fear & Fable by Fleurie
The Fifty Shades movie soundtracks
For the Throne album (music inspired by Game of Thrones)
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy by Sarah McLachlan
Things I’m Watching:
Geostorm
Smile 2
Celebrity Jeopardy series
Watson series
Elsbeth series
The Hunting Party series (finished)
CSI series
Slasher: Guilty Party series
S.W.A.T. series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
The Bondsman series
April 17, 2025
What You’ve Done to My Poetry
Look what you’ve done to my poetry.
‘All for me and none for thee.’
How could you do this? How can you not see
that what you’re doing is killing me?
My verses wither at the brain-stem vine.
‘All for a price and none that’s thine.’
Replace it with shit and consign
the rest to the orbit of a waiting landmine.
Look what you’ve done to my poetry.
‘It’ll all get better. Just wait and see.’
Do more with less, no more quality or quantity,
sipping the tepid dregs of lead-lined tea.
My words drop and decay where they lie.
‘Iron bars for you and not for I.’
Bellies full of souls scorching the sky
garnish little more than a shrug and a sigh.
Look what you’ve done to my poetry.
‘What use is poetry, or literature, or humanity?’
We’ve decided that our main priority
Won’t be education at all, no college, no university.
Only dull, dreadful, deadened work, only productivity.
But God forbid you show the wrong kind of creativity,
something that doesn’t celebrate venomous positivity,
masculinity, or white supremacy.
Look what you’ve done to my poetry:
A pollen-streaked gravestone without a name,
Dead at thirty-eight, and no rhyme.
April 11, 2025
As the world keeps burning: Friday Update
News:
None to share this week.
Works in Progress:
I edited the first chapter of Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7) and sent it in, and I got the final edits of Tattered & Torn (Meridian Book 6) back, so I’m working on that now. It’s moving quickly, but I had some car issues yesterday that means I didn’t get to do any edits at all. As soon as I finish with T&T, I’ll write some quick flash, then go back to working on T&C, shooting for sending it in by the end of the month.
Because Quill & Crow Publishing put up their novel submission call for this year, and it opens next month and closes June 1, which means I now have a hard deadline for getting dark alt-history Masque edited and submitted. I’ve trained for this.
Gig economy is exhausting and basically minimum wage after travel costs, but it’s still more than I reliably make writing, so it continues to be worth my time as a stop gap until I can finally get a steadier job (what a time to be looking). I am not looking forward to working in a Texas summer. I’m already melting like candle wax in the afternoons, my car A/C works but struggles, and we haven’t even cracked 90. I hate sweating.
But for now I still have free mornings (barring car troubles that send me to the mechanic), and I’m making sure to take a day off every week for my sanity and to get ahead on my writing. Trying to be more efficient with the time I have, but politics continue to make that difficult.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (finished)
Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry
Things I’m Listening To:
The Mist soundtrack
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark soundtrack
Knowing soundtrack
The Best Damn Thing by Avril Lavigne
Brave Enough by Sara Bareilles
Things I’m Watching:
Reacher series (finished)
Celebrity Jeopardy series
Abbott Elementary series
Ghosts (US) series
Watson series
Elsbeth series
The Hunting Party series
Criminal Minds series
S.W.A.T. series
Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
The Bondsman series
April 9, 2025
The cancer no one wants to talk about
My colonoscopy/endoscopy companion wants to remind you to get screened at 45, or earlier if you have concerning symptoms.I want to preface this by saying that this post is good news. I’m not burying the lede on something so serious.
A few years ago, I experienced some significant gastrointestinal changes. I won’t go into the details, but I will say that I’ve been diagnosed with IBS since college (also with visceral hypersensitivity since a really bad gastroenteritis infection a little over ten years ago). IBS is a diagnosis of exclusion that basically means that my GI tract doesn’t have any inflammation, just a functional issue that is occasionally unpleasant but, by and large, harmless.
However, it shares some symptoms with colorectal cancer, which is much less harmless. I always knew I wanted to get a colonoscopy again before 40, rather than waiting for 45, which is when doctors recommend screenings for those with average risk for colorectal cancer. People have been getting colorectal cancer younger (ex: Chadwick Boseman and James Van Der Beek), and it tends to grow faster when it hits younger. My other concern was that my reliably erratic but harmless symptoms might mask something much less harmless.
The key in assessing your own erratic symptoms is in the patterns. My IBS has been, as I said, reliably erratic for two decades. Then things got less reliable, with a flare-up lasting 13 months instead of 3-4 at most (more typical for me). Now, there were some significant life changes at the time, not to mention that I’m simply getting older. However, changes in GI patterns is a key symptom to watch out for.
But I waited. I waited because I assumed I was going to get a job in the new year of 2024, so I’d dropped my health insurance. I waited a year without health insurance and unable to get a job before deciding I didn’t want to wait anymore. If something was wrong at my early age, by the time you have symptoms it’s probably already approaching advanced. I’d somehow deal with the problem of paying for treatment. If something wasn’t wrong, at least I’d have peace of mind, because at this point, I could no longer convince myself I was too young for what I was afraid of.
I talked to my nurse practitioner, who pointed me toward ColonoscopyAssist, which allows those without insurance or with bad coverage to set up a colonoscopy appointment out of pocket without having to get a referral to a gastroenterologist first. It’s expensive, around $1700 for the colonoscopy alone, but before 45 and officially covered screenings, it can actually be less expensive out of pocket than with poor insurance coverage. I set up the colonoscopy/endoscopy appointment for the end of March. (I have GERD and some stomach issues, hence the endoscopy. GERD can cause esophageal cancer due to constant inflammation from the acid reflux, so I’m trying to keep an eye on that, too.)
Prep was predictably unpleasant, although when you already have IBS, it’s not intolerable. The weeks of worry was worse. I was living with Schrodinger’s cancer. Usually I’m afraid of not waking up from anesthesia. This time, I was worried about waking up to bad news. I tried to prepare myself and discovered that knowing you can get the bad news doesn’t really prepare you. Part of your brain will always think it can’t happen to you, even if you know it can. It’ll always be an emotional shock, even if it isn’t an intellectual one.
I brought a small stuffed tiger with me to the procedure, because giant pandas are frowned upon and won’t fit on the hospital bed with me. The procedure is unpleasant to think about, but it’s significantly more pleasant to undergo than the prep, because you’re under the whole time.
After the procedure, I woke up groggy, kind of drunk, but I recovered pretty fast. My dad was there to bring me to the procedure and take me home, and he looked over the printouts with me prior to the gastroenterologist arriving, so I already had an idea of the relatively good news she was going to share.
My gastroenterologist informed me that she found some gastritis and a hiatal hernia in my stomach, which was expected but nothing to be concerned about. Then she said she found three polyps in my colon, all within normal range, and they appeared benign. She removed all three, but one of them had been on the large side of normal and had to be ablated, so I had to be careful exerting myself for a week. My visceral hypersensitivity means that I felt it more than the average person.
(You usually don’t feel your viscera, but the nerves in my colon are overactive, although not nearly as much as they were ten years ago anymore, thank goodness. In the initial months, it literally felt like organ failure, no exaggeration. That was when I got my first colonoscopy/endoscopy. Now my colon is just kind of…there and occasionally aches, because your viscera don’t have a lot of sensory nuance. If it feels anything, it’s mostly variations on pain.)
As of this week, pathology has officially confirmed that the polyps are hyperplastic and utterly benign. The relief that I felt from my gastroenterologist’s assessment after the procedure and after the official pathology assessment cannot be overstated. After the procedure, I had my dad take me to Braum’s for a chocolate shake in celebration (and to break the prep fast).
I am an anxious person, a worrier by nature, but I have a slew of ways that I deal with it by now. I’m pretty good about knowing when to wait and see and when to act, even if I don’t always have confidence in myself in that regard. I was right to advocate for my colorectal health, given the givens. I was right to be concerned and to seek out screenings, especially at my age, with the potential for my health issues to lead to dismissing bigger health concerns, with a family history of colon cancer (from not doing the screenings) and polyps, with changes in my gastrointestinal habits (no red flags, but a bunch of yellow flags). Just because the colonoscopy confirmed that my new problems are probably variations of old problems doesn’t mean my concerns weren’t valid.
I have one more specialist to see regarding different problems (and perhaps some of the same). I’ve set my appointment for next month. This specialist is fortunately covered by my bad insurance. There’s still some potential for bad news here, but it’s not as likely.
Changes in gastrointestinal habits are embarrassing, but they’re a major yellow flag in the realm of colorectal cancer, and as a friend says, your body’s warranty runs out at 35. Getting a colonoscopy is low stakes (if pricey) and more important than ever. Even if you don’t have any issues, you should absolutely get screened at 45, if not sooner. With the age of colorectal cancer incidence lowering, I’m surprised that the recommended screening age hasn’t gone down yet. Don’t let mortification or reluctance to talk about your gastrointestinal habits keep you from advocating for your health. If you don’t get it early, colorectal cancer is one of the easiest cancers to prevent.
Here are early warning signs of cancer (that share some symptoms with IBS and inflammatory bowel diseases): [Reference]
– Persistent change in bowel habits
– Narrow or pencil-thin stools
– Diarrhea or constipation
– Blood in the stool, rectal bleeding (blood may appear as bright red blood or dark stools)
– Persistent abdominal pain or discomfort, such as cramps or bloating
– Feeling that your bowel doesn’t empty completely
– Unexplained weight loss
– Fatigue, tiredness, or weakness
