Fen Wilde's Blog

Sex Work is Real Work

I have been thinking a lot about the woman who I want to honour by name, but who’s privacy has already been destroyed in the most horrifying manner. And even after writing that sentence, after all this thinking, I get stuck with just tears. For so many reasons, on so many levels.

Anyway. You know her name.

And in light of Ruined, and what I wanted to convey – that sex work is real work, and sex workers are normal people – I just wanted to write something about that.

My eldest son was home sick earlier this week. In the car, dropping his little brother off to childcare, he asked me what I would change about the world if I could change just one thing.

It was such a good question, and it had me stumped for a minute. But after a minute of thinking, I told him I’d replace all the world leaders, and all those with power, with people who were compassionate and kind.

There is a myth that kindness would lead to economic ruin.

It’s not true. Greed is on its way to destroying the planet. That’s economic ruin for you, if ever we saw it.

Plus, intelligence does not preclude kindness. It’s not either/or. I like to think that I – and everyone I care about – have both in generous doses.

But this isn’t about politics. This post, I mean. We can fantasise about a better world, but today we’re stuck in this one. And a young woman is dead, and she shouldn’t be. And I felt heart-broken and helpless and a little bit angry, too.

I know I should write something polished and professional, but I don’t even really know what I want to say. Perhaps, in a way, this is a salutation to the sex worker community. I am so in awe of them. And I am so angry that most people don’t see it and don’t honour it and make hasty judgements about it and those  in it. Because I read what so many of these workers have to say – before this murder and after it – and I fangirl in much the same way as I do for Annabel Crabb and Leigh Sales and Clementine Ford. It’s a different space, but smart, kind and funny workers are everywhere.

And I also just don’t get it.

I just can’t quite wrap my head around a world in which hook-ups are so normal and everyday, but sex work is demonised. I am really curious about what is underneath that, for the ordinary person and for the people consciously doing the stigmatising both.

If you pay any attention – which you probably don’t – I didn’t, until I was writing Ruined – you’ll know that there is a level of hatred and vitriol directed at sex workers which is abhorrent and for me, just fucking weird. On one particularly toxic forum after this young woman’s murder, a punter commented that it was probably a punter sick of “fake asian ads…let the culling begin.” Yet it’s the sex worker community who’s rallying and donating money, and holding vigils to ensure  M gets the farewell she deserves. And sometimes I think, there are trolls everywhere. But if you were disappointed with your vacuum cleaner, no-one is going to congregate on a review site egging each other on to vile heights about killing the sales person. Sure, you might say it was crap and give it one star. But the hatred just isn’t the same.

What is that?

And yes – not all men. Blah blah blah. But there’s enough of them. The site exists.

Of course, none of us want to end up spending money on a product that isn’t what it purported to be. But where do you draw that line? Models are photo-shopped to hell. If you buy the clothes and you don’t look as fabulous as the advertising material suggested you would (is promised too strong a word?), is that something to bray for blood over? Or should people be more conscious of what it is they’re buying? Of course advertising shows us the best of the product. Why is sex work any different? Sex workers are not robots.

I really struggle with this. I get it but I don’t get it. I work in a field that is essentially about social justice, so my outlook on the world and my values already make it hard for me to understand discrimination on any front. People are people are people, and anyone who tries to rise higher by pushing others down, usually is not a very happy or well-adjusted person, in my experience. Often there’s a reason, and I can find compassion for them too. But sex is nice. It’s fun, it’s sometimes funny, touch and intimacy make us happy, we’re wired to connect to other people. Why is sex work so stigmatised? Why do so many people react so strongly to it, when they’re progressive in so many other ways?

M’s killer targeted his victim for a reason. That’s stigma in action. And it makes me furious and so, so sad.

That stigma exists is depressing at best (I want the world to be full of compassionate, self-aware people) and deadly at worst. My heart breaks for that young woman. It breaks for her family and her friends. And it breaks even more that they now also have to deal with the shock of her work, because it’s still taboo and still stigmatised and still discriminated against.

Sex work is just a job. As Natalie says, a boring, repetitive one most of the time. No one should die at work.

Be kind to sex workers.

Fen xo

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Ode to Women

I want to say something about women.

Recently updating my website, I decided that the picture that has decorated my landing page no longer really fits my writing. The gorgeous, pouty-lipped woman in her bra, her head tipped back…I love this image. I love it because she’s gorgeous and the greys and the pinks appeal to me—in fact they’re the colours I’m working with on my newly formed Instagram account, and they were the colours I wore when eventing my silver-white gelding as a teenager.

But the picture definitely screams sex, and I’m leaning more towards psych thrillers these days.

All my books feature amazing women. Not perfect women. Women who have a lot to learn—but are willing to learn it. And I just frigging love women. I love how they think, how they reflect, how they laugh, how expressive they are. I love Clementine Ford and Catherine Deveny, Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle. Elizabeth Gilbert and my circle of friends. I love feminism and female writers. And I write strong, smart, flawed women. Women who have been through stuff and grown and learnt. They’re not going to fall off the page, smart and kind and wonderful at age twenty-two for you to love. They’re earning their knowledge and that is hard and messy and not always loveable. But they’re my people. I love these women.

And the pictures I choose—for covers or Instagram or my website—I know they’re beautiful women and conventional beauty standards can be troublesome on so many levels. But while I think that from a commercial point of view, beautiful people on covers is required (though it’s really more man abs in the romance genre that sells), I also love their body language. There’s something that has drawn me to all of these women. The look in their eyes, the confident abandon in their head thrown back, their exposed décolletage. They look strong and awesome and self-aware.

And I just love them.

That is all.

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Ruined, politics, and hope vs hopelessness

With its impending release, I have been thinking about my motivation for writing Ruined a lot. Add in the shock Australian election results, and it seemed like a good time to sit down and try to untangle my thoughts about our dominant discourse, and ways to change it.

It’s hard to understand how the majority of Australians can be so apathetic about equality and climate change. These people have children. Don’t they care about their future? Do they really think if they’re wealthy enough, they’ll just be able to buy their way out of it, while the rest of us burn? A condo on the moon, perhaps? It’s so ludicrous as to be unimaginable. And while it’s largely the uneducated who vote for racism, homophobia, bigotry—and they have their own challenges—it’s hard to believe people can be so stupid as to vote against the longevity of the planet. And when I say “hard to believe”, I mean, I sat and watch the results unfold, numb and gutted. Unable to comprehend that it was really happening.

On the one hand, there’s the people who don’t do their own research and believe the lies spread by the greedy conservatives. But what about the Liberals and Nationals? Don’t they think about their children?

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, and hopeless. I feel so small. It’s hard to keep fighting, when the people we’re fighting against have all the power and all the money (Clive Palmer spent around sixty million dollars on advertising). It’s hard not to give up. And that’s where my writing comes in, I think.

Through fiction, can we change the world?

I want to write characters who challenge our assumptions about the world. Who are representative of everyone, not just the privileged few. I want to write about refugees, and sex workers, and people with mental illness, and people who make poor choices but who work on bettering themselves. On the impact of trauma. On the impact of parents. On the impact we can all have on one another.

I want my readers to feel my stories in their bones, in their stomachs. I want them to think about stories that are so far from their own for days, weeks, months after they end. Because in social work, I can make a difference to my clients. I can fight for social justice in ways that feel, this week, small and kind of hopeless. But in writing, I could reach hundreds, or thousands, or tens of thousands of people. And now, more than ever, I want to contribute something that makes the world a better place. Perhaps it’s arrogant. Perhaps my time would be better spent volunteering for political organisations that I believe in. But we need more kindness. We need more compassion. We need to know all these people that we ‘other’, because they are not the other. They are all of us.

I don’t feel like it’s arrogance, to think I can contribute to that, in some small way. It feels more like hope, in the face of hopelessness. Love for humanity, in the face of hatred. I don’t think it’s enough. But it’s better than nothing.

In sadness, and in hope,

Fen xo

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RUINED, politics, and hope vs hopelessness

With its impending release, I have been thinking about my motivation for writing Ruined a lot. Add in the shock Australian election results, and it seemed like a good time to sit down and try to untangle my thoughts about our dominant discourse, and ways to change it.

It’s hard to understand how the majority of Australians can be so apathetic about equality and climate change. These people have children. Don’t they care about their future? Do they really think if they’re wealthy enough, they’ll just be able to buy their way out of it, while the rest of us burn? A condo on the moon, perhaps? It’s so ludicrous as to be unimaginable. And while it’s largely the uneducated who vote for racism, homophobia, bigotry—and they have their own challenges—it’s hard to believe people can be so stupid as to vote against the longevity of the planet. And when I say “hard to believe”, I mean, I sat and watch the results unfold, numb and gutted. Unable to comprehend that it was really happening.

On the one hand, there’s the people who don’t do their own research and believe the lies spread by the greedy conservatives. But what about the Liberals and Nationals? Don’t they think about their children?

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, and hopeless. I feel so small. It’s hard to keep fighting, when the people we’re fighting against have all the power and all the money (Clive Palmer spent around sixty million dollars on advertising). It’s hard not to give up. And that’s where my writing comes in, I think.

Through fiction, can we change the world?

I want to write characters who challenge our assumptions about the world. Who are representative of everyone, not just the privileged few. I want to write about refugees, and sex workers, and people with mental illness, and people who make poor choices but who work on bettering themselves. On the impact of trauma. On the impact of parents. On the impact we can all have on one another.

I want my readers to feel my stories in their bones, in their stomachs. I want them to think about stories that are so far from their own for days, weeks, months after they end. Because in social work, I can make a difference to my clients. I can fight for social justice in ways that feel, this week, small and kind of hopeless. But in writing, I could reach hundreds, or thousands, or tens of thousands of people. And now, more than ever, I want to contribute something that makes the world a better place. Perhaps it’s arrogant. Perhaps my time would be better spent volunteering for political organisations that I believe in. But we need more kindness. We need more compassion. We need to know all these people that we ‘other’, because they are not the other. They are all of us.

I don’t feel like it’s arrogance, to think I can contribute to that, in some small way. It feels more like hope, in the face of hopelessness. Love for humanity, in the face of hatred. I don’t think it’s enough. But it’s better than nothing.

In sadness, and in hope,

Fen xo

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A blog about a blog...

I have been thinking a lot about why I write recently.

To be honest, at first I just wanted to jump on the crazy romance bandwagon and make some money while having fun. I've always written; it's a process which I love, whether it's an essay, an assignment, letters to friends, or a journal to 'write myself sane' (there is actually interesting research about the proven benefits of this - a topic for another day!)

As I go on, however, I find that what interests me is almost exclusively tied in to my other career. I'm a social worker, and after working in many, many areas, I have settled in to mental health - particularly youth mental health.

This is almost certainly related to my own journey to adulthood, which was littered with land mines. I wish, fervently and passionately, that everyone who feels the things that I felt as a teenager has the resources and supports available to them so that their suffering is short-lived. Mine was not - and while I also believe (passionately and fervently!) that I am the person I am today because of my own journey, and therefore don't wish it away, I also feel like I could have enjoyed a whole decade of my life a lot more had I known that I was not alone, that there was help available, and that change was possible.

So my books seek to explore these themes, in a way that I hope is accessible and that helps people who may be suffering related issues to feel less alone. I hope it helps others to think about things in a slightly different way. My heroines are not perfect, because neither am I, and most likely, neither are you. While I totally understand the desire to escape into a fantasy world where things are fun and light and easy, it turns out that I can't write those books. But that is okay. I consider my books - and my smaller, niche market! - a contribution in the way that social work feels like a contribution. And as I was thinking about this yesterday, I thought that on a related note, I would like to blog about some of these issues - and some resources that I find helpful both personally and professionally - as an extension of my books. It's also something that I really enjoy pondering about. It helps me to clarify my thoughts as well. It may also be a valuable way to hear your thoughts about a character's journey to her HEA (or - the work of love. This is another topic I am really keen to explore. I mentioned Alain de Botton's book The Course of Love in my first book, and I think it is a really valuable concept to explore more in popular culture...perhaps another blog, or perhaps a sequel?!

On that note…my WIP is about a 38yo sex worker, who’s parents fled civil war in Sri Lanka. It touches on intergenerational trauma, racism, whorephobia, interracial romance…set against a kind of thriller murder mystery! You can put it on your TBR list here: Ruined.

If you're interested in these topics, please check out my blog (www.fenwilde.com) or join my newsletter!

This post is the first blog up there, but more ponderings soon - I'm excited!
Fen xo

Books That Make You Think

I have been thinking a lot about why I write recently.

To be honest, at first I just wanted to jump on the crazy romance bandwagon and make some money while having fun. I’ve always written; it’s a process which I love, whether it’s an essay, an assignment, letters to friends, or a journal to ‘write myself sane’ (there is actually interesting research about the proven benefits of this – a topic for another day!)

As I go on, however, I find that what interests me is almost exclusively tied in to my other career. I’m a social worker, and after working in many, many areas, I have settled in to mental health – particularly youth mental health.

This is almost certainly related to my own journey to adulthood, which was littered with land mines. I wish, fervently and passionately, that everyone who feels the things that I felt as a teenager has the resources and supports available to them so that their suffering is short-lived. Mine was not – and while I also believe (passionately and fervently!) that I am the person I am today because of my own journey, and therefore don’t wish it away, I also feel like I could have enjoyed a whole decade of my life a lot more had I known that I was not alone, that there was help available, and that change was possible.

So my books seek to explore these themes, in a way that I hope is accessible and that helps people who may be suffering related issues to feel less alone. I hope it helps others to think about things in a slightly different way. My heroines are not perfect, because neither am I, and most likely, neither are you. While I totally understand the desire to escape into a fantasy world where things are fun and light and easy, it turns out that I can’t write those books. But that is okay. I consider my books – and my smaller, niche market! – a contribution in the way that social work feels like a contribution. And as I was thinking about this yesterday, I thought that on a related note, I would like to blog about some of these issues – and some resources that I find helpful both personally and professionally – as an extension of my books. It’s also something that I really enjoy pondering about. It helps me to clarify my thoughts as well. It may also be a valuable way to hear your thoughts about a character’s journey to her HEA (or – the work of love. This is another topic I am really keen to explore. I mentioned Alain de Botton’s book The Course of Love in my first book, and I think it is a really valuable concept to explore more in popular culture…perhaps another blog, or perhaps a sequel?!

On that note…my WIP is about a 38yo sex worker, who’s parents fled civil war in Sri Lanka. It touches on intergenerational trauma, racism, whorephobia, interracial romance…set against a kind of thriller murder mystery!

If you’re interested in these topics, please join my newsletter! Or feel free to forward this on to friends who you think might be interested. I will send an email when a new blog is up.

I’m excited!

Til next time,

Fen xxx

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TWO DAYS TO GO!

“So much more than a romance. There is family conflict, suspense, many kinds of emotions and lots of hot, explicit sex..." - Goodreads reviewer
Don't miss this nuanced, heart-pounding romantic suspense - preorder at the reduced price now!
Amazon: http://hyperurl.co/2v42df
Apple, Kobo & Nook: http://bit.ly/PerfectPreorder
Google Play: http://bit.ly/PerfectGP

COVER REVEAL

•*´♥`*•...COVER REVEAL GIVEAWAY...•*´♥`*•.
Woo-hoo! I have been dying to share this cover! Thank you Qdesign Amy Queau- I LOVE this so much! 😘 To celebrate, I am giving away a $25 Amazon gift card plus three ARCs of Perfect!
For your chance to win, head over to my FB page: https://www.facebook.com/fenwilde/
I'll choose random winners on Wednesday morning. Good luck! 💕
Preorder at a reduced price:
Amazon: http://hyperurl.co/2v42df
Kobo, Nook and Apple: https://www.books2read.com/u/mqpJle

SALE

Hurrah! I am having my first sale! To celebrate CLOSE being available on all platforms, it is .99c for one week only! Grab your copy here: https://www.fenwilde.com/close/

Preorders now LIVE!

Perfect is with my editor!
So excited to share this book, absolutely love these characters, especially there hero (swoon!).
Preorders are now live.
Amazon: http://bit.ly/perfectnovel
B&N, Kobo and iBooks: https://www.books2read.com/u/mqpJle