D.R. Bickham's Blog

The Tears of a Man

During a conversation I was having the other day, the subject of my life and the amount of emotional pain I have had to deal with recently was brought up.  In a moment that was as shocking as it was sudden, I was asked a question: “Do you cry?”

When the question came, it was like getting hit by the proverbial ton of bricks.  It was like that moment in Batman V Superman when Batman asks Superman, “Do you bleed?”  If I recall correctly, Superman looks at Batman like he’s crazy and simply flies away.  And in that one moment when I was asked that question, I immediately knew how he felt.

Unfortunately, I’m not a fictional character born on a fictional planet with the fictional ability to simply fly away from conversations that make me uncomfortable.  So I instead deferred to my all too human ability to call upon the power of my ego to help me through difficult situations: “I guess every now and then if something really bad happens, but for the most part, no.  I’m a man,” I added, implying that my manhood somehow acted as a shield against normal human emotions.

“When was the last time you cried,” I was asked in return.  Clearly, the person I was having the conversation with failed to notice the awesomeness of my masculinity that was draped around me like a cape.  “When I lost my Godmother last November,” I answered, heaving out my chest in an effort to project even more of my “man energy”.  “I hardly feel the emotion to cry,” I informed him.  “When a tragedy happens, I tend to become a pillar of support to the people around me.  I don’t cry so that other people can cry.”  I said it with all the authority I could muster, conveying a message of “I am man and I have spoken.”

“Okay.”  I breathed a sigh of relief, believing that the conversation was over, that my unwavering masculinity had prevailed.  But I underestimated the persistence of the person I was dealing with.  “If you did allow yourself to cry, what would you cry about?”

I tensed at the question.  I had the urge to shout out, “Did you not see the roadblocks and the stop signs, man?  Don’t you realize you’re headed the wrong way down the railroad tracks, past a big ass ‘Do Not Enter’ sign?”

However, once I calmed down a bit I realized I was getting too worked up over one simple question.  Granted, I hated the question, but if it caused me that degree of emotion, it was one that I needed to address.

Because after all, I’m a man and I don’t back down from anything.

So, after giving it a bit of thought, I am prepared to list a few things I would “weep” about if I allowed it of myself (because “weeping” sounds so much more masculine than “crying”).

The loss of my parents. I’m sure just about anyone who has lost a parent can relate to the pain inherent in such a loss.  I loved my mother.  She made countless sacrifices for me throughout my childhood and always, always wanted the best for me.  My dad and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but I stepped up to take care of him in his last days, and we were able to bond in a way we never did previously.  And my Godmother, man, she was my world.  She was like a second mother to me.  No, she was a second mother to me.  She watched me during the time my mother was at work from the time I was three months old.  Three months!  The only thing about having two mothers though is that you might have to live through losing a mother twice.  It breaks my heart when I think about the fact that I will never lay eyes on any of them again.
My children. Although I haven’t had to go through physically losing a child, I have had to go through being rejected by two of my children.  Although I deal with it, it hurts tremendously to be rejected by a child that you have done everything in your power to care for.  There were times, as a single father, when I went without eating so that they could eat, and for them to turn around and reject me…Man, that hurts.
My special needs children. I know I’ve already addressed my children, but my youngest son and daughter bear special mention.  My daughter has a medical condition that impairs her mental capabilities and may shorten her lifespan.  I can’t stand the thought that I may actually lose her at some point.  My youngest son has a condition that impairs him as well, and although it is nowhere near as severe as my daughter’s condition, it still has the potential to impede him from having a “normal” life.  Both of my special needs children are full of smiles and my daughter in particular is full of love and affection, which makes the reality of her situation even more heartbreaking.

I am willing to admit that this has been one of, if not the most difficult blog I have ever written, hence all of the attempts at levity.  But it also brought to my awareness that I am like so many other men who are bred to think that emotions are for the weak and that for a man to actually face up to what he is feeling and shed tears over it is the ultimate blasphemy.

I have learned from this project that the way I have been thinking is incorrect.  I can admit that I have been wrong.  I have felt a sense of relief in the effort of being real just for the time it has taken me to write this, and it is liberating.

I’m not calling for a new order of weak men who live all up in their feelings, so to speak.  But what I would like to see is men who are willing to admit, even if it’s just to themselves, what they feel in the deep places of their souls, to maybe do a project like this where they actually search for the feelings that have been bottled up inside for so long.

My wife has mentioned to me before that neither she nor any of my children have ever seen me cry.  I never thought there was anything wrong with that.  But maybe, maybe by doing that I’ve demonstrated to my children that it’s not safe to reveal what they’re really feeling inside.  Maybe I’ve actually shown my children how to hide away their feelings, how not to be real even with themselves, and maybe that’s some of the reason why they’ve been able to so easily reject me.

Maybe in my efforts to be a “man” I forgot to show the people in my life who really matter just how much they mean to me.

I would challenge any man reading this to take a closer look at their own notion of what it means to be a man…and whether or not by adhering to this model they are in fact alienating the very people who mean the most to them.

We’ll talk again.

My Newest Inspiration

So there I was, on a random scroll through Facebook, when I came across a video that actually made me stop and take notice.  Oddly enough, the video in question had no violence or controversy, nor was it making any kind of political statement.  It wasn’t a clever ad in disguise, nor was it a thinly veiled publicity stunt disguised as news.  The video was a stark contrast to all of these things, and simply featured an author I had never even heard of, N. K. Jemisin, accepting a Hugo award for best novel.

Two things immediately caught my attention.  First of all, this author was black.  Second of all, this author was a woman.  These are two factors that I previously didn’t connect with science fiction, particularly award-winning science fiction, yet here she was accepting the award for best science fiction novel for the third year in a row.

I was immediately inspired.  I can certainly relate with Ms. Jemisin on one of those two factors.

As I continued to listen to what was an awesome acceptance speech, two things stuck out to me.  First, she admitted to writing “a million words of crap”.  This was not the first time I have heard someone say that an author goes through writing a ton of garbage before they ever write something readable; I have heard a ton of writing coaches and mentors say the exact same thing.  However, it was the first time I had heard an award-winning author say it, and yes, it does make a difference.

The second thing that stuck out to me was that she said she “worked her ass off”.  This was what I think resonated with me most of all.  Truth be told, I do a lot of work on anything I write before I even start typing, and I get up before dawn damn near every morning just to ensure that I have time to write.  I take my craft very seriously, and to hear this award winning author say that she works her ass off and gives it her all just like I do made me feel incredibly validated.

Listening to Ms. Jemisin also refined my purpose and set me on a new path.  It made me realize that I have only taken a tiny step into a much larger world.  Prior to hearing her, prior to seeing that she was a person who had more in common with me than I would have ever imagined, I saw my writing as something I just did with no real goal in mind.  For me, it was just a fun and neat accomplishment to be able to say that I wrote a book.

However, my eyebrows have now narrowed and my vision has trained on a target.  I am already a published author.  I now wish to become an award-winning author.

As with virtually anything worth doing, it means little to nothing to have a goal without a plan of action.  To that end, I have come up with a plan to help me get where it is I want to go.  After all, a man without a plan is destined to fail.

I will affirm daily what it is that I want to do. I am a firm believer in preparing my mind for success.  Mindset is everything.  If I believe in my heart of hearts that I can do this, then my mind will propel me to do more to make sure that it happens.
I will set up visual reminders that I will see daily of what I want to do. In this case, maybe I will put mock trophies up around my writing space.  Or maybe I’ll print out pictures of awards and put them up on the walls surrounding my writing area.  Or maybe I’ll do something as simple as writing in huge letters, AWARD WINNING WRITER D. R. BICKHAM.
I’m going to have to do some research. In this case, I’ll need to read the books Ms. Jemisin has written, particularly those that have won awards.  I’ll also need to read other award winning authors.  I’ll be doing this not only for enjoyment but also to learn, to see what I am doing right in my own writing and where I need to improve.
Last but not least, I’m going to need to write as much as possible. But at the same time, I’m going to need to remember that not everything I write will be great.  In fact, some of it just might be “crap”.  I’ll be honest, that’s the hardest part of this whole thing for me to accept.

Now that there are a few general rules in place, I can now work on making things a bit more specific.  I can choose, for example, to write a certain amount of words per day, or for a certain amount of time every day.  I can set aside a certain time of day to read when I know I’ll be uninterrupted.  The most important thing is to make a plan and get to work.

By the way, the goal-setting and plan-making formula will work for virtually anything you want to do.  Want to lose weight?  Come up with a goal and make a plan.  The same can be said for starting a business, improving your relationships, or even writing a book of your own.

Have a goal in mind already?  Drop a comment and I’ll help keep you on track, as I continue to work toward getting that first award.  Maybe I’ll start writing my acceptance speech, lol.

We’ll talk again.

 

My first novel (the one that hasn’t won an award and hopefully isn’t crap), Unnatural Selection: The Chambers Effect, is now available on Amazon!

The Purpose of My Pain

From the time of my separation and subsequent divorce from my second wife well over a decade ago, my life has been complicated by struggle.  Our separation began with my ex kidnapping our children and going across the country without my knowledge, keeping them from me until I was able to enlist the aid of the court and the District Attorney’s Child Locator Service.  I was awarded custody and things went from bad to worse, with her almost immediately introducing the Department of Children and Family Services into my life by way of allegations against me of physical and sexual abuse against my children.  This was the first of a number of allegations that have been perpetrated by her against me and my current wife through the years, and had the added effect of having my children placed in foster care for a total of nine months while DCFS conducted their investigation.

To complicate matters, my youngest daughter was born with Down Syndrome and a congenital heart defect.  She should have had corrective heart surgery when she was six weeks old, but my ex was pregnant with her when she kidnapped our children and I never saw my daughter until she was nine months old.  I took her to the doctor as soon as I could and she was having life-saving heart surgery a few months later after her first birthday.  My little girl made it through the surgery, but she is now on heart medication that will in all probability always be a part of her life.

In the midst of having to deal with the issues surrounding my daughter coupled with the nearly constant barrage of allegations fostered by my ex-wife, I have also had to deal with a number of close family members passing in the span of less than five years.  The first was my mother in 2015, followed by her sister in 2016.  In 2017, my wife unexpectedly lost her older brother in July, I lost another aunt in October, and in November I suffered the loss of my Godmother, who was like a second mother to me.  Finally, in January of this year, I lost my father in a way that was completely unexpected.

Recently, while having a conversation about the things that have been going on in my life over the past decade and a half, I was asked why I thought these things were happening to me.  My simple answer to that question is, why not me?  I have been given the gift of life in all its glory, I get to watch the sun rise almost daily, and I have children who are full of love and laughter.  I am not in a position where I want for anything, and in fact have been able to help some of the people I care about.  How dare I look down on the face of a life that has provided me with such wonderful blessings and complain about fleeting pains?

In short, I believe one of the reasons I have had to endure such “trauma”, for lack of a better word, is because I can handle it.

Another reason, I believe, is so that I can help others who may be going through the same thing.  In fact, I believe that is why we go through most of the things we go through, so we can be a ray of hope to someone who is going through the same thing.  A recovering drug addict can help another addict see the way to freedom, just like a grieving parent can help another parent deal with the same grief.  In the same way, I am now equipped to help someone going through having their children taken away from them, or having to deal with the pain associated with losing loved ones.

However, when looking at the state my life has been in for the past decade and a half, I must not neglect to look at and reflect on the part I have played in making my life the way it is.  Although I lack the power to control death, I do have the power to decide who will be allowed in my life, and I gave a toxic and destructive person access.  I saw the warning signs and ignored them, saw the red lights and sped right through them without so much as slowing down.  I lived my life as the personification of the old adage, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”.

I am willing to admit and accept that I have played a large part in much of the pain and misery that has become a part of my life.

That being said, I also believe that I can effectively change my life.  Although I cannot completely remove my ex from my life, I can take responsibility for the amount of contact and influence she is allowed to have within my life.

I understand and accept that my life is mine and mine alone to shape into what I want it to be.  And I understand that I can change any situation in my life that I accept total responsibility over.

And that leads to the final reason I believe I have had to face the adversities that have become a recurring part of my life…

Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can change things, and in doing so, provide everyone around me with an example of what it means to take control of and responsibility for the things happening in their lives.

That is the reason why I can keep a smile on my face despite what is going on around me.  That is why I don’t allow the problems of life to weigh me down and fill me with negative thoughts and emotions.

I know who I am, and I am aware of the power I have.  And no problem, issue, or situation can ever take that from me.

We’ll talk again.

 

My first book, Unnatural Selection: The Chambers Effect, is now available on Amazon!

 

 

The Busy Man’s Guide to Getting it All Done

There is a story I absolutely love about an eccentric mentor who took on a student who was interesting in going into business for himself.  The mentor had a great love for fishing, and invited his student to join him down by the river.  When the student showed up to the river, the mentor immediately grabbed the student by the back of the head and forced him underwater.  Of course the student flailed and kicked with all his might as he struggled to get his head back above the water.  Finally, the mentor let the exasperated student up out of the water.  As the student struggled to regain his senses, the mentor said to him, “This is my one and only lesson to you: When you want success as badly as you just wanted air, nothing will ever be able to stop you from getting it.”

Of course this story is fictional, but it brings to light a very important concept, namely that if we are ever going to accomplish our goals in life we are going to have to learn to focus.

I know that this can be a very difficult thing to do in this world of ours.  There always seems to be something just waiting on the horizon to distract us, to “take us out of our zone” so to speak.  We have families to take care of, lives to live, and of course the latest episode of our favorite television show to watch.  And the Super Bowl is on today!

Still, until we are willing to make the fulfillment of our dreams a “do or die” priority, they’ll probably just keep getting kicked to the sidelines of our lives.

Many of us think that this all sounds great in concept but it would never actually work for us.  We’re just too busy.  We simply don’t have the time.

I understand, trust me.  I’m a married man with five children, two of which are toddlers, and two of which are considered special needs.  I have a day job.  I took care of my parents when they neared the end of their lives.  And someone always seems to need me to do something.

Nevertheless, I still managed to write a book.  I still manage to write this blog (not as often as I’d like to but I’m working on that!).  I still manage to read, exercise, and meditate everyday (or pretty close to it).  How in the world do I get it all done?

Here are a few tricks that have worked for me:

I figured out exactly what it was that I wanted to do. I know this sounds pretty simple, but you’d be surprised how many people meander though life having no idea what they want to do.  It’s pretty hard to focus and set a goal if you have no idea what you’re working towards!  It took a little bit of time for me personally, but with much thought I was able to figure out that I really wanted to write a book.
I figured out what it would take to get where I wanted to go. Once I decided on the book goal, I concluded that in order to get this book written, I would need uninterrupted time to write, which led me to the next step…
I created the time to focus and get the job done. Notice I used the word “created”.  Like I’ve mentioned before, I am not a person who has a ton of time just sitting around waiting to be used.  But I wanted this badly enough that I started getting up an hour early (sometimes more) so that I could make sure I had uninterrupted time to write.  Understand, I was already getting up at three in the morning to go to work.  I made the jump to one or two just to make sure that I had time to get the job done.  I was even getting up at four or five on my off days.  That’s one way to create time.  Another way is to stack up idle time.  I’ve gotten pretty good at using this technique to ensure that I get at least thirty minutes of exercise every day.  After all, thirty minutes is just ten minutes three times a day, or five minutes six times a day.  You can get that done during commercials, before a shower, first thing in the morning, or right before bed!

The bottom line is we’re all busy, but if we are willing to put in just a little bit of time and focus and are willing to get a little bit creative we can all start working daily towards achieving our goals and making our dreams a reality.

Side note: After writing this blog, I am seriously considering writing a book about this topic.

We’ll talk again…

 

Click here to get your copy of my debut novel, Unnatural Selection, now available on Kindle and in paperback!

Changing Failure to Success

I had amazing goals for the first month of 2018.  My plan was to write twelve blogs, read four books, and start writing my second book.

However, life had other ideas.  I won’t rehash all that I have had to deal with in the past month.  The bottom line is that I did not accomplish my goals.  Not by a long shot.  Although I have managed to start writing my second book, I wrote a measly two blogs and only read a book and a half.

First and foremost, I take full responsibility for not completing my goals as planned.  Life happens to all of us, and we shouldn’t use it as a crutch when we don’t get the results we want.  Second, I remind myself that I am not defined by my failure.  Every day I am required to make a simple choice, that is whether I will wallow in the despair of the past or look with hope and determination towards the future.  I choose the latter.

It is with that mind frame that I, as well as all of us, can choose to face the day.  Yesterday may have been a mess, but today can be so much better if we choose to make it better.  It’s all about taking responsibility for our lives and making a clear, solid choice.

We all experience failure at some point.  We may have destroyed relationships in the past or failed at a venture we expected to propel us into the future.  But the key is to learn from our failure and use it as a learning tool and a stepping stone to a better tomorrow.

I had amazing goals set for January.  But I also have amazing goals set for February.  I will get those blogs written and those books read.  I may have to devise a new and improved strategy for getting these things done, but the fact is I will get them done.

I would encourage us all to do the same, to set clear, concise goals that will allow us to get where it is we want to go.  I would also encourage us to not give up when we fail, but rather to reevaluate our position, regroup in our corner, and come back out swinging like a champion.

We’ll talk again.

 

Click here to check out my first novel, Unnatural Selection, now available on Amazon!

An Extraordinary Choice

I lost my dad yesterday.

The call came just after 6am.  To this day no one can tell me what happened.

My dad had dementia and a few other medical problems, but nothing that should have just stopped his breathing.

Yet, that is exactly what happened.

Oddly enough, I found myself arguing with unseen, unknown forces.  I found myself trying to reason with the unreasonable, trying to make sense out of the senseless.  “He was fine,” I argued.  “I just saw him and spoke to him a few days ago, and he was fine!”

When that argument failed I presented the case of his physical health, about how strong he was even at his age.  Still there was no response from the heavens.  I made a declaration about how stubborn and strong-willed he had been his whole life, and about how his older sister had lived a mere decade short of a hundred years.

The only answer I received was stillness and silence, a clear indication that there was no mistake made.  The Angel of Death had made its choice and had no intention of relenting.

With that realization came acceptance; I remembered my daily prayer that I have prayed every morning for well over a year now: “Lord, please bless me with everything I need to excel in the coming day”.  I remembered how empowered I felt every time I uttered that prayer.

Somewhere in the deepest darkest reaches of my soul, a single light flickered.  As the radiance began to steadily build, I felt strength rise up within myself.

In that moment, I knew that God had done it once again.  He had answered my prayer.  He had already given me all that I would need to make it through this day.

Not only make it through, but excel in the process.

Many of us are going through similar situations.  We may not have all lost a loved one recently, but we all know what’s it’s like to be faced with a difficult situation.  We know the frustration of having to deal with a situation that we have no idea how to handle.  We know how nerve-racking it can be to be faced with a child who insists on making all bad decisions, or a parent who just doesn’t get it.  We’ve been caught up in bad relationships, forced to endure hardship and suffering, and made to look like fools.

But the story doesn’t have to end there.  You can make the decision right here and right now to trust in a power that is greater than yourself.

You can choose to excel.  You can choose to be extraordinary.

Beware the Aliens!

During my Bible study time this morning, I came across a scripture that piqued my interest:

“Aliens have devoured his strength,

But he does not know it…” – Hosea 7:9.

Being the writer that I am, this scripture immediately attracted me.  It made me thing right away about the punch line for a great science fiction story yet to be written.  I proceeded to copy the scripture down into my notebook for future reference.

However, as I was writing the scripture, a strange thing happened.  The verse literally took on a whole different meaning in my mind as I transcribed it.  As I wrote, I began to think about the scripture in a wholly different light as it began to take on new meaning for me.

I thought about my meditation time, about how I daily ask God to bless me with everything I need to excel in the coming day.  I thought about how I trust him to empower me day after day, to prepare me to handle the things I don’t even know I’m going to have to handle that day.  I thought about the feeling of power I feel after I have asked him for these things, and the confidence I feel when it is time for me to venture out into the world.

But then I thought also about the people I usually encounter during the day, the people who don’t think the way I do, who don’t do the same things I do.  I thought about the people who trudge about their day, meandering from one task to the next with no rhyme or reason, the ones who are content with living moderate and mediocre lives and have no desire to excel at much of anything.

I thought about the people whose life experience consists of watching the lives of others as opposed to experiencing the wonders of life for themselves.

In that one brief moment, I began to understand that these were the people referred to in the scripture as “aliens”.

If something is alien, it means that the thing in question is unfamiliar.  To a person who has made it a point to excel, to be something more than the norm, a person who does not possess the same kind of spirit would be “alien” to the first person.  So, to the person who is making an earnest effort to be extraordinary, people who have no such drive are odd and different to them, and in effect, “alien”.

Don’t misunderstand: I’m not saying that there is something wrong with being different.  We can’t all be the same, I get that.  But what I am saying is that there are certain people in the world who strive to be something more than the norm, to be something more than another cog in the machine.  What I am saying is that there are some people in the world who are born to be something extraordinary.

And an extraordinary person simply cannot understand the mindset of a person who is satisfied with mediocrity.  This mindset is “alien” to us.

Once I saw things in this particular light, I realized that this scripture is not merely meant to be a great set-up for the aforementioned story.  No, this scripture is meant to be a warning.  I believe it is telling us that people who do not share in the same mindset as a person who is striving towards the extraordinary will inevitably drain us of our strength.

Think about it: If you share a vision that another person cannot see for themselves, they will more than likely try to dissuade you from moving towards that vision.

They will sap your strength and you won’t even realize it.

The same goes for people who have made it a habit to live in negativity.  A person who constantly complains will make it more difficult for you to stay focused, as will a person who is a blamer, nitpicker, or just downtrodden and miserable all the time.

These people have no business or place in the lives of the extraordinary.

If you are anything at all like me and actually want to live a live above and beyond the average, I would encourage you to take inventory of the people you surround yourself with.  Are they strength-builders or strength-sappers?  Do they build you up or tear you down?

Do yourself a favor and get rid of the strength-sapping aliens in your life.

We’ll talk again.

 

Click here to get your copy of my debut novel, “Unnatural Selection”, on sale now!

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The Final Lesson

As of late, the days have been quite trying.

Just as I was coming to terms with the fact that my daughter is going to be staying with her mother, I got the news that I had lost my Godmother.

She had a long life. She lived to see 95. But that still didn’t make things any easier.

This is the person who took care of me while my mother went to work from the time that I was three months old. We developed a closeness over the years that I can hardly even describe. I can say without exaggeration that she was one of my favorite people.

And it’s not just that. She was one of the few people in this world who had absolutely unconditional love for me. This was the person who would hide me from the police if necessary. And honestly, with her, my mother, and my grandmother gone, I just don’t feel like I have that level of love around me anymore.

For a while, that thought was really depressing and made the world feel so much darker.

But then I realized something. I realized that even if I didn’t have that kind of love in my life, I could provide that kind of love for other people.

I realized that I could become the same kind of light that she was. I realized that I had the power within myself to make someone else’s day brighter.

That revelation has changed the way I look at things. I see now that everybody has a desire to be loved, but not everybody really has the chance to truly experience it.

I’ve always loved my family. But I realized that as an introvert I don’t really express it much.

I also realized that needed to change.

Now, I make sure that the people around me know how special they are to me. I don’t go overboard into sappy but I just make sure that they know that I love them and appreciate them.

And it’s not just family. I now make it a point to offer a kind word or smile to the people around me. I strive to be a blessing, friend, or encouragement to anyone who needs it.

So, in her passing, my Godmother, Marie Henton, has provided me with one final lesson: The lesson of love. And I intend to do everything in my power to make her proud.

The Power of Potential

The last few weeks have not been kind.  My mother-in-law had to have four hours of emergency surgery in order to save her life and now has a long road of recovery ahead of her.  My daughter ran away from home and was placed in a mental hospital by a police officer for threatening suicide.  This all comes on the heels of losing my brother-in-law and having my own dad pull a gun on me in a dementia fueled rage.

Needless to say, the writing has suffered.

Nevertheless, I am still here.  Being hit a few times doesn’t guarantee a knockout.  I still have the power within me to make a difference in the world, create great things, and excel far beyond what others expect of me.

I’m not the only one who has this potential.  We all have it.

No matter what is going on in our lives, we still have the ability to tap into the power within ourselves and change our lives.  We can, at any time decide that this is the day we will do that thing that has been lingering in the back of our minds.  We can decide that this is the day that we will maintain a positive outlook on life despite all of the negativity around us.

It is so easy to hang our heads in despair and frustration when life starts whopping us a few, so easy to just give in when the world starts collapsing around us.

But it is during these times that I would challenge us to become more than our pain, to see it all as mere obstacles on the road to greatness.  In the words of one of my favorite songs, “Stars are only visible in darkness.”

Hmm.  Not the blog I was intending to write, but let’s go with it.

Until next time, always dare to dream!

 

Click here to get your copy of my very first fiction novel, Unnatural Selection: The Chambers Effect!

The Write Decision

Ever since I published my very first book last month (yay!) I’ve been asked the same question over and over again: “How in the world did you do that?”  In response to this, my next few blogs will be about the exact process I used and a detailed analysis of how I got the job done.

Are you ready?

The first thing I did is very much in line with everything I’ve been writing about in this blog and screaming from the rooftops for years: I worked on my mindset.  You see, writing a book is more of a mental experience than anything.  You must first decide deep within yourself that you are a writer and that you have something to write about.  You must realize in your mind that your message is one that is unique and that you and you alone are the only person qualified to tell your story in your voice.

Once I made the determination in my heart that this was something I had to do, I sought help.  Surprised?  You shouldn’t be.  A big mistake too many of us make is thinking that we already have everything we need in order to do whatever it is we want to do.  We think that just because we want to write and have an innate talent for writing that we can just jump in and start writing.  Now, that’s fine and dandy if your plan is to write a blog or a few short stories for your friends or family to read.  But if your plan is to do something as big as writing a book, you’re going to need some help.

I found help in the form of an online program called Self-Publishing School.  I knew that this was something I really wanted to do, so I had no qualms about investing money in myself.  That is another factor that holds too many of us back.  Even though we know that we want to do something, that it is the very reason we are put on this earth, something inside of us balks at the idea of actually putting money behind our ideals.  It’s just too uncomfortable, right?  But what we fail to consider is that staying secure in our comfort zone hasn’t gotten us where we want to be.  Staying in our comfort zone more often than not fails to turn unrealized dreams into reality.

The next thing I did is the last thing I’m going to talk about in this post: I found a mentor.  I found someone who had done what it was that I wanted to do and was willing to talk to me about what they had done and what they had learned.  My very first mentor was assigned to me by SPS, and is a published author of several fiction novels.  I also spoke to someone I know who writes a weekly review column and has authored several books and comics of his own, Hannibal Tabu, as well as another comic book writer, Vince Moore.  I cannot stress enough how having a few simple conversations with these gentlemen was not only enlightening but also a huge factor in reaching a goal that would have been much harder to achieve otherwise.

We’ll talk again, next time more about the actual pre-writing I did in preparation for writing my book.  Until then, always dare to dream!

 

 

My first book, Unnatural Selection: The Chambers Effect, has been called The Shining for a new generation and is now available in softcover and as an e-book!