Carly Findlay's Blog, page 6
October 28, 2024
Boo! Did my face scare you? On facial difference and Halloween.
It’s Halloween this week! I’m dressed as a flower!
Boo! Did I scare you? I hope not. Because some people are scared by facial difference year round.
Halloween costumes have a tendency to be scary – depicting facial differences in the form of scars, blood, redness and other disfigurements.
These costumes create negative stereotypes for those of us with facial differences. The stereotypes and stigma and fear around facial differences means that some of us have been asked to leave restaurants and stores; are seated away from the public; ignored by customer service assistants; experience discrimination from employers, taxi drivers and cleaners; and are stared at, taunted, mocked ridiculed and even endure physical violence. Research has shown people with facial differences are considered to be “less honest, less employable, less trustworthy, less capable, less intelligent and less attractive” than those without facial differences*.
People have suggested that my face would make a good Halloween costume, and I’ve had adults and children scream, cry, laugh or run away from me because they’re scared of my face. I’ve also experienced much of the discrimination I’ve listed above – because of fears about my facial difference It is exhausting and hurtful.
Costumes can be removed at the end of Halloween, People without facial differences generally don’t experience discrimination and hate speech as a response to their appearance. People with facial differences cannot remove our faces.
This is a reminder that facial difference, disability and culture are not costumes. Have fun at Halloween, but please don’t cause hurt and harm.
Check out Face Equality International for details about the great Fear No Face campaign with Sephora.
*Source: Marlene Rankin and Gregory Borah, ‘Perceived Functional Impact of Abnormal Facial Appearance, Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery, 111/7 (2002), 2140-46.
More information on Halloween and facial difference:
Why Halloween is my hell1 – Face Equality International
Why is Halloween difficult for the facial difference community? – Face Equality International
Poor representation is the scariest part of Halloween – Changing Faces
And from me:
Facial difference is not your Halloween costume
Scary Face for Halloween – ugh, as if!
Images: Carly, a woman with a red face, wearing a felt hat that’s in the shape of a flower – it’s green and pupae with purple flowers and daisies on it, and a green and purple floral dress. She’s smiling.
Has this post helped you think about facial difference and disability? Has it made you reconsider your costume?
Please consider buying me a drink. Thank you.
The post Boo! Did my face scare you? On facial difference and Halloween. first appeared on Carly Findlay.
October 25, 2024
Unlovable – Darren Hayes’ memoir.
Gifted post:
It’s been a while since I’ve stayed up past 1.30 am reading a paperback book from cover to cover.
Unlovable – Darren Hayes’ memoir – details his career as a very successful singer songwriter. Even more so, it delves into the violent trauma he and his family have experienced; his mental illness and sexuality; the emotional and financial cost of touring; and difficulties of fame and the music industry. Darren also shares the meaning behind some of his songs. I read it listening to his music.
Unlovable is not an easy read, especially as a super fan who loves Darren so much. The book brought me to tears several times, because of the hurt and struggles he’s endured.
Beautifully written – switching between past and present, devastating in many chapters, and also brave and triumphant. And Darren’s Mum, whom Unlovable is dedicated to, is truly the hero of the story. What a woman.
Unlovable is a story of survival. It displays courage, resilience and humility; and shows that depression and loneliness can exist alongside astronomical success. I hope writing Unlovable has been cathartic for Darren, and I know it will resonate with so many readers. He should be so very proud.
If you think you know Darren from what you’ve seen in the media, read Unlovable. It’s on bookstore shelves and online on 5 November.
I’ll be listening to the audiobook, of course, and I can’t wait to see Darren talk about Unlovable at two of his book launches next month.
Thanks to my writing agent Danielle Binks for arranging an advance copy of Unlovable from Penguin Australia. I am very lucky. I wasn’t paid for this post, and I have his paperback and audiobook on pre-order.
Details about Unloveable are on Penguin’s website.
Check out Darren Hayes’ website too.
Image: Carly holding Darren Hayes’ book – Unloveable. She’s smiling. The book has a photo of Darren wearing a black skivvy on the cover, it’s very shiny, with teal text.
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October 20, 2024
Book news – Owning It
Some book news from me!
I’ve written a chapter for • Owning It: Tales from our Disabled Childhoods, which is out on 24 April 2025.
It’s edited by James and Lucy Catchpole, and Jen Campbell – who are disabled writers in the UK.
“Growing up disabled can be an isolating experience. As much as you might be surrounded by loving and well-meaning friends and family, chances are no one close to you is going through this alongside you… until now!
From navigating sports at school, to facing the confusion of getting given free stuff all the time, to juggling hospital trips alongside your social life, this anthology of firsthand experiences of childhood disability will be a welcome companion for disabled children. For non-disabled children it provides a welcome own-voice perspective and will help build empathy and understanding. A very powerful, much-needed book.”
I’m so excited to be published alongside some incredible writers and activists whose work I admire, and many I call friends – including Nina Tame, Imari Barbarin, Kendra Winchester, Elle McNicoll, Christa Couture, Rebekah Taussig and Jen, James and Lucy of course; plus many more people whom I don’t yet know but I’m sure I’ll connect with soon.
What a brilliant collection, one that will resonate with many generations of both disabled and non disabled readers. This book will be a friend to many!
There’s a link to where you can pre-order the book in the UK, and I’ll have more info about where Australians can order the book soon.
Thank you, James, Lucy and Jen for having me. Fly far, little book!
Images: 1. Carly, a woman with a red face, wearing a dark denim dress and a purple and teal scarf around her head, smiling, holding an iPad. The iPad shows a book cover. It’s a bright blue-and-orange graphic. Text in a playful font reads: Owning It: Tales from Our Disabled Childhoods. 24 April 2025.
‘As disabled children, we didn’t see many people like us in the books we read or the films we watched. And, when we did, we usually wished we hadn’t! If they were the good guys, they were sweet inspirational children whose disability was their ‘superpower’. If they were the bad guys, their disability was part of their evilness – like Captain Hook.
Which was annoying. And boring . . .
This is the book we wish we’d had when we were young.’A bright blue-and-orange graphic. Text in a playful font reads: Owning It: Tales from Our Disabled Childhoods. 24 April 2025.
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October 7, 2024
Some thoughts on cancer survival statistics
CW: death stats
FROCKTOBER
Today’s Frocktober prompt is sporty – I knew this was a good reason to put my skates on! It’s been ages since I’ve skated, and I want to do it again real soon. Baby strides 
I’m wobbly on my skates, and my emotions were wobbly, after accidentally seeing death and survival rates for Ovarian Cancer caused me to wobble.
Yesterday I was researching the Frocktober site for a caption for today, and I saw three stats that made me cry.
“Currently, one Australian dies every eight hours from ovarian cancer
The current five-year survival rate for ovarian cancer is 48%”
I don’t want to not survive past five years.
One of the self care measures that I’ve practiced since I was told I might have Ovarian Cancer, and then since my diagnosis, is avoiding Googling. Between the initial tests and surgery, I didn’t research past the symptoms. Even confirming that I had all the symptoms listed was scary.
I know that other people prefer to research – they like to be informed and prepared.
I didn’t manage to fit this bit in the caption due to character limit:
I remember getting a really bad skin infection, related to Ichthyosis, and the dermatologist telling me that if it wasn’t treated in time, it could get into my blood stream and kill me. I was alarmed then, but I also knew how to manage my skin, including how to curb an infection before it gets so severe. I’ve had Ichthyosis all my life. So I wasn’t in fear past that initial infection.
But Cancer is the scary illness, the one that takes lives, the one that impacts 1 in 2 Australians (I saw that stat on a Cancer Council billboard recently). And the type of cancer I have has concerning survival rates. And there’s nothing I could have done to prevent it.
I’ve asked the surgeons and the oncologists if I am going to die a few times. They say they are “treating me with curable intent”. This is hopeful, and I’ll continue to follow their lead, as hard as it is.
Ovarian Cancer has been termed “the silent killer” in the media, fundraising & awareness campaigns, and this phrase is frightening.
The fear increases exponentially when you’re told you have The Silent Killer. I wonder how long the cancer was lurking silently. If they caught it all, if the treatment will work, and if the cancer will kill me.
I don’t know any of the answers. The doctors don’t know either.
All they can do is continue to treat me with medicines that can make me sicker than the cancer makes me feel, and I hope that I defy that sombre statistic.
I hope everyone with serious illness thrives past expectation.
I am participating in Frocktober to raise money and awareness for Ovarian Cancer research. I was diagnosed with Ovarian and Endometrial Cancers in June. A link to my donation page is here.
Our team page is here.
Thank you for your donations, shares and comments so far – they are much appreciated.
Image: Carly, a woman with red skin, and is currently bald, wearing a green dress with birds on it, and green and pink skates, and pink wrist and knee pads. She’s standing near a wall, wobbly. She’s smiling.
The post Some thoughts on cancer survival statistics first appeared on Carly Findlay.
October 6, 2024
Book me to speak – International Day of People with Disability and beyond
Book me to speak!
Disability Day is just around the corner (3 December!). I am emerging into the world again. You can book me to speak at an event – I talk about disability rights, accessibility, media representation, writing and own voices, and my own story. I run training workshops in disability access & allyship and navigating social media as a writer. I can also write articles for your publications, & can be a brand ambassador/content creator.
I am up for speaking at workplaces, libraries, festivals and schools – and not only on Disability Day, either – all year round! I can speak in person or online – locally & interstate! I have a valid working with children’s check.
Get in touch – send an email.
Here’s what people have said about my work:
“Carly has been such a pleasure to work with on the PBS Access Training Program. She’s been able to bring such great insight into our program and has been so generous with sharing her experience”. – PBS Radio Access Training Coordinator.
“You think you’re an intersectional & inclusive feminist. Then amazing Carly Findlay speaks & you realise you need to do more” – participant at Progress2017
“The session was amazing, we received some beautiful feedback from people who attended saying it was one of the best sessions that we’ve ever had at the TAC. Carly did a brilliant job, she’s such a professional. It was super engaging and refreshing to hear such an open and honest conversation. We would definitely have Carly back to speak again if an opportunity arose.” —TAC
“What a TREAT to finish the week with your piece. As you know I’m a big fan of your writing but this is definitely one of my favourites. It’s SO interesting, heartfelt, and well researched. I really liked the way you told it — and the reflection of having “a family out there who share your experience of what it’s like to look different”. What a wonderfully powerful note to end on.” – my former editor of Daily Life.
Thanks!
Image: Carly, a woman with a red face & short dark curly hair wearing a colourful dress under a black jacket, speaking at a mic. Text in the left corner reads: “Book me to speak!” “CarlyFindlay8@gmail.com”
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September 29, 2024
I am doing Frocktober!
This October, I’m taking part in Frocktober: “Australia’s most fashionable fundraiser”. Frocktober raises vital funds for the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation (OCRF).
A couple of days after I had a hysterectomy and was diagnosed with Ovarian and Endometrial Cancer, I had an incredible spiritual care worker visit me in hospital. The visit was pretty life changing for me
One of the things she said was encouraging me to keep up with doing fun things – and I said I love fashion. She suggested I take part in Frocktober. Frocktober is an initiative to raise money for Ovarian Cancer research and support.
I’ve signed up to Frocktober, thanks to my friend Tash who has set up a team. It’s aptly called “I wore this today and felt frocking fabulous”.
Through October, we will be posting photos of ourselves on social media wearing frocks, with info about Ovarian Cancer and the ways Frocktober fundraising helps research, and the links to donate. My link to donate is here.
I’m looking forward to frocking up. I can’t promise I’ll post a frock every day, but I’ll frocking give it my best shot.
If you want to get involved, or find more info, visit Frocktober.org.au.
Image: a tile advertising Frocktober. It features white woman with shoulder length brown hair, wearing a fringed purple dress and purple sunglasses. Purple text reads “Frocktober”, “I’m frocking up!”and Frocktober.org.au. In the top left is white text that reads “ovarian cancer research foundation”, with a white ribbon symbol. The background is teal.
The post I am doing Frocktober! first appeared on Carly Findlay.
September 26, 2024
Not recognising my body anymore
Content warning: weight loss, changing body shape and size, chronic illness, cancer
This is a wonderfully supportive community – with followers often sharing useful information based on their lived experience of disability and chronic illness.
Today I am seeking your wisdom – I’m wondering how you’ve managed your body image if you’ve experienced significant weight loss (or gain), and changing body shape and size, resulting from cancer and chronic illness. I’d also love some styling tips. Thank you.
Leading up to my cancer diagnosis, I rapidly lost a lot of weight, in quite a short time. It’s one of the symptoms of ovarian cancer (although weight gain can also be a symptom).
Since having major surgery and three rounds of chemo, my weight loss has continued, though not as dramatic as earlier this year. I am getting medical and nutritional advice about how to manage weight sustenance and overall health, and I am talking to a psychologist.
This post is purely about how I see myself, and potentially sharing useful info to help me and others.
I’ve always been body confident, and liked having curves. Now, I don’t recognise my body. I am much thinner than I was at the start of the year. My curves have gone. I’m no longer busty. I’m straight up and down. I have to weigh myself weekly, after not doing so at all.
Clothes are such a big part of my life, and things don’t fit like they used to. I don’t know my dress size right now. Many of my clothes are too big, but I don’t want to stop wearing what I have. Sometimes it feels like I’m five years old, playing dress ups in my Mum’s wardrobe. I’m wearing a lot of belts.
So, what I’d love to know is:
What’s helped you appreciate your body during chronic illness?
Have you got any style tips to get the best out of your existing wardrobe, while adjusting to a new shape and size?
I know the talk of weight loss and gain, and numbers, can be hard, especially coupled with cancer, and I recognise my thin privilege before and after diagnosis, so I understand if this post is uncomfortable for you. If you need support, there’s Lifeline: 13 11 14; Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 and Butterfly Foundation: butterfly.org.au
Thank you
I am not working a lot right now. My PayPal is here if you’d like to buy me a drink, or share the link. Thank you.
Image: Carly, a woman with red skin, wearing a beret that’s blue with white clouds on it, a cardigan that’s paler blue with clouds and colourful Care Bears and pink heart buttons on it, plus a Care Bear brooch pinned onto it, a colourful striped knit, a denim skirt, a belt that is cream with coloured flowers on it, and pink, yellow and orange croc shoes. She’s standing near a green fence, blue and white sky is above, she’s smiling.
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September 21, 2024
Angels exist
Last night Adam and I had dinner with a new friend.
One of the best parts of cancer has been the kindness of so many people – both from people I know, and strangers.
When I arrived at Singapore airport, after seven weeks overseas, about to fly my last leg home to Melbourne, I got sick in the shower room in the Singapore airport lounge. My stomach had swelled so much it was very painful. And it was hard to breathe. Mum was able to help me put my socks and shoes on, and help with my carry on case. I went out to the lounge and lay there for a while. Mum got me some food, I asked the staff for peppermint tea, and they and Mum organised a wheelchair to the Qantas gate for me. The staff took us to customs and then had to leave us there. We had our luggage, but Mum couldn’t manage our luggage and push me.
Then we heard an Aussie accent it was a woman called Adele, offering to help. She and Mum moved all our luggage to one trolley, so Mum could get me on the plane. I faked being well so I could get on the plane – there was no way I was going to a Singapore hospital, I just wanted to be home!
Adele and I chatted a bit on the plane when I walked up and down the aisle.
And then at the other end, in Melbourne airport, she helped us again. This time we had way more luggage -so she and Mum got it off the baggage carousel and pushed that while I was wheeled by airport staff. We got through customs very quick -our Roquefort cheese and South African spices were not confiscated!
She helped us load the Uber. We were surmising what my illness was while we waited – was it a hernia like I was first (probably wrongly) diagnosed with in March? Was it exacerbated by my heavy suitcase – that the Air France staff said was “forbidden” to go on the checked in luggage on the plane in Montpellier? Was it appendicitis? We never suspected it was a cancerous ovarian tumour.
Then we swapped details. We’ve kept in touch with Adele ever since 26-27 May.
Last night we had dinner and I was able to thank her in person. We got along so well and have more in common than that Qantas flight.
Angels exist 
Image: a photo of pizzas and salad and Adam’s hands on a table in a restaurant
The post Angels exist first appeared on Carly Findlay.
September 20, 2024
Bushy eyebrows
Amusingly, myeyebrows are the bushiest they’ve ever been, now my hair has fallen out. I laugh as I look in the mirror and wriggle them.
Maybe a makeup brand will give me collab deal with an eyebrow brush and pencil 
Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s chemo.
Image: Carly, a woman with red skin, she’s currently bald with a tiny bit of black fuzz coming through. Shes wearing a green based colourful floral dress with a rabbit brooch. She’s smiling outside, it’s a sunny day. Her eyebrows are a little darker and bushier than ever.
The post Bushy eyebrows first appeared on Carly Findlay.
September 19, 2024
Chemo – round 3
I had my third chemo infusion today!
Adam came with me this morning,to be my pack horse and hand holder. He said he needed a hot pack to recover from my hard squeeze.
I took the beautiful quilt made by the Peter Mac volunteers today, given to me before my first appointments with the oncologists. There are a group of older people who make blankets for patients – so very kind and generous.
The wonderful nurse I had was a Savage Garden fan – she saw I was listening to them as she put the cannula in. I joked my proof of identity questions should be Savage Garden related. Like, how many ARIAs did the band win in 1997?
It went quickly and I feel good – I hope this feeling continues. Had lunch and then a disco nap, and now I’m off to see some live music in a safe way.
I hope if you’ve had treatment (of any kind), or if your disability or chronic illness or mental illness flared up this week, you find some relief and happiness soon.
I am not working so much now, due to cancer. If you want to, you can buy me a drink on PayPal. Totally no pressure though, cost of living is high. Thank you.
Images: 1. Carly, a woman with red skin, wearing a orange dress with purple flowers on it, and a purple beanie with a purple, gold and white floral crane brooch pinned on it. She is sitting on a recliner hospital chair, receiving an IV infusion. She’s covered in a colourful patchwork blanket. A pillowcase covers her arm snd hand where the cannula is in. She’s smiling. Medical stuff is around her. 2. A close up of Carly’s face, and the purple beanie with the brooch on it. 3. A screenshot of Savage Garden’s album cover – Darren and Daniel against a blue background, with The Lover After Me text below.
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